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When Ava can finally direct herself towards something, when she strains through all the buzzing thoughts that usually keep her in a paralyzing state of perpetual procrastination, her focus is fine tuned. The rest of the world funnels away and she becomes unreachable for a moment.
Right now, she’s focused on rolling a joint. Deborah wonders if she should feel a little irritated by the whole thing. I mean for fucks sake she’s sitting in her underwear and an old tank top, on an expensive, vintage couch, surely getting weed tucked into the cushions and probably ruining any potential resale value. Especially the way she’s balancing her tray on the cushion, all but begging some disaster to occur. It makes her shudder a little at the idea of vacuuming weed out of a couch she had spent many months antique hunting for, but she can’t quite find it in her to break her trance.
Ava had tried to weasel her way onto the bed with her set up and Deborah had been swift to kick her to the couch, sure it was for the decency of her high thread count sheets, but it did also grant her a delightful view.
She’s really not sure how Ava manages to make a mens tank top look a little slutty but she does. Her breasts are outlined by the soft material, her nipples are still taught and she’s so fucking pretty it makes Deborah want to ruin her.It's one of those things in life that should surprise her probably. How easily she lets herself want this, want Ava. Normally there would be several layers of denial before just giving in and letting herself have something, and she does have Ava.
Ava’s still a little flush from the last orgasm she’d had drawn out of her, on her stomach, her hips propped up on a pillow as she’d slapped her ass red and she’d squirmed and took it because Deborah wanted her to. She’d fucked her with three fingers, deep and methodically which always pissed Ava off. She knew what she wanted, fast and hard and hurting, she’d just had no real plan to give it to her. Especially when it meant she made those weak, fucked out sounds of pleasure and humped Deborah’s hand desperately.
It feels good to congregate in the hazy atmosphere of desire without guilt. There's nothing screaming to run or hide or turn around and fight with every bit of her she possesses.
Deborah watches her, has watched this routine many times but it still makes her blush as Ava’s tongue sticks out of the corner of her mouth as she pinches the tip in between her pointer finger and her thumb. Packs the herb down and begins to slide paper in between her fingers until it catches between the filter and the paper. Carefully beginning to line it up to form a cone shape and bringing the adhesive strip to her mouth, her tongue flattens to lick it.
There’s something about her lips, spit slick and pursed when she pulls back, it sends a little flash down Deborah’s spine.
Ava glances up then, as if she could feel the way Deborah’s eyes dug into her, drinking in her image eagerly. She smirks like she can read Deborah’s thoughts and she can feel the way heat rises to her cheeks.
“You wanna join me?” Ava smiles up at her, mooney and still flushed from pleasure.
“If eating an edible made me cry and eat Mcdonalds french fries for the first time in years, I’m not sure you want to find out what smoking will do,” Deborah smiles fondly at her. Honestly, it had been a good cry, and a damn good fry as well.
“I actually think that means that's exactly what I’d like to find out,” Ava winks, twists the top and flattens it to form an actually very nice looking cone.
“You like, totally don’t have to, but I will say that high sex is soo nice,” Ava says, discarding her tray on the side table and sliding into bed.
She makes space for herself between Deborah’s thighs easily, kissing her soundly on the mouth. Deborah wraps her legs around her hips and kisses her fiercely. Slides her hand into her hair and lets Ava press herself against her entirely, hips flush and hands roaming. She loves when Ava gets like this, kisses her slow and drawn out. It’s sort of sloppy, reminds Deborah of making out in the backseats of cars. Being desperate and young and unashamed. Ava makes her unashamed.
She pulls back to shift Deborah’s knees up, bending them lightly toward her chest.
“This okay?” She hums, and Deborah nods.
She’s shifting their hips so their clits kiss through the fabric of their underwear. Deborah makes a satisfied little noise in the back of her throat. Ava begins to rock them together lightly and she gasps at the friction. It’s a little intense with the fabric trapped between them rubbing against her roughly but the pain pleasure is so good it doesn't matter. Her clit twitches and she can feel the way Ava becomes slick enough for her to feel against her own underwear. Can’t even begin to make herself care that Ava will have to drizzle lube over her to make her that wanton for it, because it doesn't matter. Ava wants her to feel good, and so she will, and she won't be ashamed of it or what it will take to get her there.
She stares at the way they press together, Ava’s stomach is tufted with light light fuzz that she’s admitted she’d been nervous for her to see. And sure, she'd always kept herself tidy and cleaned up any hair on her stomach but there's something about the presence of it on Ava that makes her feel dizzy. She presses her palm just under her stomach, and the roll of her hips makes her tremble.
The idea of the joint becomes potent as she imagines the feeling of Ava’s cunt pressed against hers, flush and warm and wet. The look of her, the slicked curls between her legs and the way she’d bite her lip as Deborah let her roll her hips against her.
“I think I would like to smoke when you go out,” Deborah says honestly, and Ava beams. She’s scrambling off the bed and Deb is whining at the loss of contact. “Put on a robe, Ava, please,” She’s hollering as Ava makes her way to the door. She grabs her own kaftan and follows.
The porch is swollen with light, it makes it even harder not to look at the outline of Ava’s body. She did not grab a robe, and Deborah feels lecherous looking at her. That creeping awful anxiety rears its head as Ava sits on one of the outdoor couches. She’s so young and pink with life, smiling at Deborah like she's the only thing she can imagine mattering right now. When Deborah sits with space between them she scowls and crawls into her personal space, sits with her back in the crook of Deborah’s arm and her chest. She slings her arm over her shoulder, pulling her close.
Ava strikes the lighter and lights the end, puffing lightly until it's glowing evenly. She exhales out with a clear stream of smoke and smiles.
“For you, my funny lady,” Ava uses her mock Perla voice that always makes her chuckle, and when Ava passes her the joint she smiles.
“There is something so wrong with you,” Deborah teases and Ava lights up like she’s been given a compliment.
“You like it,” Ava says, with no trace of uncertainty, and she’s right of course. It’s still infuriating she knows it. Deborah takes a long drag, filling up her lungs. On the exhale she lets any guilt that had collected leave along with her breath. It mingles in the air alongside a growing cloud of smoke and Deborah is so happy it feels stupid.
“Of course I do.”
Ava softens, turning herself so she can kiss her shoulder over the silk of the kaftan. They smoke in relative silence, Ava’s still smothering kisses on her chest and her cheeks in between drags and it’s so overwhelmingly lovely. To be close to her in the haze of smoke and that brand new, just out of the box excitement of whatever this is they're sharing together.
Ava bites down on Deborah's shoulder just to get her attention and when she looks down it feels like the world is trying to let her know something and it's right here. In the wideness of Ava’s eyes, the trust that pools there. In the slope of her nose and the quirk of her mouth, the way it makes the apples of her cheeks crease.
“You are too beautiful,” Deborah whispers and something inside Ava unfurls for her to watch. It's no secret she preens under her praise but tonight it looks like something even more profound. Deborah kisses her forehead.
“You're my girl, right?” She asks and she's not sure when she realized she needed to know the answer.
Ava whimpers, leaning up and kissing her so softly she could convince herself she's not there. A whisper of lips, their soft breath, the taste of smoke, the cloudy, heady feeling of being high makes touching her feel like it's the only thing that exists.
“Yeah,” Ava murmurs dreamily, “I’m your girl.” The words taste like sugar on her tongue as Deborah pulls her in to kiss her again.
When they part, Ava is putting out the joint abruptly, and Deborah quirks an eyebrow with a question.
“Can’t wait any longer,” Ava says cheekily, and Deborah just shrugs.
Let herself be guided to her feet and back through the house the way they came. She’s plenty stoned as it is, her eyelids feel heavy and the house feels shinier than usual, Ava’s hand feels heavier than usual in hers. They make a detour for big cups of water, and Deborah can't help but kiss her ice cold mouth in the light of the fridge.
She follows the warmth of Ava’s body as she pulls them back to her bedroom where Ava’s kissing her back into the pillows. Their bodies slot together perfectly, and Deborah aches.
“I want it like we were doing before,” Deborah moans as Ava pulls back, and she nods vigorously.
“Underwear on or off?”
“Off, of course it's off,” Deborah scoffs and Ava laughs.
“I’m not a mind reader, Deb,” she shoots back as she pulls hers down her legs and throws them off the bed. Leans down to kiss the outline of her vulva over her underwear, licking over her until the fabric is see through and Deborah feels like she's aflame. She’s running her fingers through her hair, scraping the back of her neck that always makes her moan.
“Now, Ava, please,” Deborah groans. Ava smiles and it’s all bravado and she should hate it but she can't make herself.
Ava is pulling off her underwear and reaching for the lube still next to the pillows.
“So what we're learning is smoking makes you needy?” She teases and Deborah shakes her head. Pinches her stomach in a way that makes Ava gasp and shove her hands off.
“Is it really needy if I know you’ll give it to me?”
“Maybe I won't,” Ava provokes, taking her hands off of her hips where they’d been comfortably rubbing circles against the dip there.
“Really?” Deborah teases right back, reaching up to cup Ava’s jaw possessively, her thumb brushes over her cupid's bow and she can watch the gears turn in her head before she takes it in between her teeth in a play bite.
“You're not gonna be my little plaything? I thought I’d already spanked you into admitting it,” She questions and even if Ava’s body shivers, clearly re-living the last orgasm she’d been brought to. Deborah loves to make her say the filthiest things, hear her beg and cry, to admit she needs it, needs her.
Ava’s eyes harden like she's ready to fight. To get her way.
“You already know you have me, Deb.” Ava whispers, and it sends a shiver down her spine. She's leaning down, licking up the length of her throat to the shell of her ear.
“Because I am, I'm your toy, and apparently I'm your girl,” she murmurs, kissing the tender spot behind the lobe. Deborah can't help the moan it creates as Ava slides her thigh between her legs. Her body betrays her, arching up and into her touch.
“ Oh , there we go, see? You are needy,” Ava coos, and this is new. The tone makes Deborah’s whole body feel heavy, like she’s sinking into the sheets.
They've not been doing this long. Little escapes between shows, kissing in Deborah’s bed on the bus, dinner at local restaurants where the people pretend they don't know who she is, hotel rooms booked for the ever occasional overnight stay at a hotel to recharge. Spends evenings curled against each other, falling asleep eventually on their respective sides, hands still touching. The stop home is just a brief reprieve in between tour dates so she can see the dogs and take a couple in person meetings, she takes the rest of that time to enjoy this.
This is the first she's seen the switch fully flip. It's not that Ava isn't reciprocal, because of course she is. Deborah practically has to pull her from between her legs when the orgasms start to blur together and she's actually kind of worried Ava’s jaw will give out. It's just that even in giving, she bows to Deborah’s wants. Let her have the control she needs to feel safe.
It's good, fuck it's so good, so freeing to be the one calling the shots, controlling her own pleasure and Ava’s. But she's looking at her and Deborah wants nothing more to let go. Relinquish any part of her that has to make any decisions and let Ava lead.
“Hey-hey, D, baby, where’d you go,” Ava murmurs, smoothing her fingers over her hairline and looking at her sweetly.
Baby, god, she's not even middle aged anymore. Hasn't been ‘baby’ since she and Frank, but it doesn't make her cringe. Instead she feels soft and wanting.
“I think weed does make me needy,” she whispers and Ava’s eyes light up with possibility. Deborah’s hips rut up against her thigh and she bites her lip as she watches Ava watch her.
Ava looks hungry, the way her pussy spreads over her thigh, rocking in time with her thrusts against Deborah. She whimpers, spreading her legs lightly so the next time Ava moves it rubs over her clit completely and Deborah whimpers.
Deborah’s eyes flutter shut with a whimper, can hear the click on the cap of the lube and the cool feeling of it as Ava slicks it over her thigh for her to rub against. Rocks them together and the way it begins to warms between their bodies has her squirming, her breathing already coming in faster pants.
“Look at me,” Ava asks and Deborah opens her eyes immediately. Ava is looking down at her like she’s the only thing that exists. The weed makes their bodies lose their edges and Deborah feels herself bleed into Ava and she cries out. Her hands clawing at her back as pleasure makes her brain feel fuzzy.
“Fuck, you feel so good,” Ava moans, leaning down to kiss her again. It’s a little messy and so perfectly her and Deborah is making noises into her mouth that she’d normally bite back.
They break apart and she looks down at where they're pressed together, slick and puffy. Ava's pulling back to reposition her and the loss of contact feels so jarring, Ava keeps a hand pressed on her thigh soothingly.
“Just one second, it’s gonna feel good, worth being patient for. ”
She puts a small pillow under her back and lifts some weight off of her hips. Ava straddles her thigh, one leg hooked over her hip rolls them together and Ava whimpers. Bites her lip, hands finding Deborah's hips so she can shift them just a little and suddenly everything is aligned just right and they’re both gasping. Clawing Ava close, cupping her ass and whimpering when she pushes her hands over her head against the pillows.
“Can you keep them there?” Ava asks, and it’s frustratingly obvious the way her body responds to her almost cruel tone. The words send a rush of pleasure from the crown of her head to the tips of her toes, crawling through her so viscerally her back bows. Ava adds more lube and it sends a new wave of sensation.
“ Yes,” Deborah whimpers, focusing on breathing so she can enjoy the wet feeling of her clit rubbing over Ava’s.
“C’mon, tell me what you need and it's yours, but you gotta ask,” Ava’s voice is low and teasing, her hands roam to cup her breasts in her palms, pinching her nipples painfully as she waits for her response. Tries to form thought around the all encompassing feeling of being pressed together, cum and lube collecting between their bodies. It's sticky and completely overwhelming and somehow Ava still isn't close enough.
“Please, ” she cries, and Ava makes a noise so feral it makes her clench around nothing.
She bends down to kiss the tops of her breasts, licking over her nipples and sucking roughly until Deborah’s keening and trying so hard not to move her hips. To let Ava guide her towards pleasure.
She's being careful like she always is, doesn't suck too hard or use too much teeth. No marks, nothing for Deborah to remember her by in the shower. Suddenly it's so clear what she wants.
“Mmhffuck- mark me,” her voice is rushed and Ava pulls away to look at her like she's not sure if she's allowed.
“I want it, please Ava.”
It doesn't take anything more than that before Ava’s ducking her head into the crook of neck. Kissing and sucking down her throat and over the top of her breasts, all the while rocking her hips and Deborah feels possessed by an unfamiliar pleasure as Ava drags her to the edge.
Ava cries out, her hands finding Deborah's again, lacing their fingers together and speeding up the rhythm of their hips, sending a fresh set of sparks skittering between her legs.
“Come with me,” Ava whimpers and Deborah can tell she's close too. The way her whole body shakes against hers, sweat slick and breathing heavily into her shoulder. She bites down, just enough to pinch and Deborah is yelping as she tips over into ecstasy. Doesn't stop any of the sounds she’d usually want to crop short, bucks her hips and cries out to the ceiling.
“ Deborah ,” Ava whimpers and she can feel a sudden wave of wetness between her legs and Ava is gushing, rubbing herself roughly against her as she comes. Feels it roll through her as she jolts on top of her.
Ava is shifting them, pulling Deborah into her arms so they lay on their sides. Ava kisses her hair, humming contentedly when she finally comes back to her body enough to consider speech.
“Mm, thank you, honey,” she murmurs, and Ava pulls away a little to look at her. She gasps suddenly and Deborah feels a twinge of worry until she realizes where Ava’s looking.
“Ooooh man. Wow. Um. I may have gone maybe a little overboard?” Ava is laughing now, her fingers moving to turn Deborah's jaw as she inspects her work. “I’m sorry,” she whispers and Deb can see the actual worry flitting across her face.
“S’okay, honey.” Deborah sighs fondly, she’ll probably have a small moment looking in the mirror in the morning but that’s tomorrow's problem. “Felt so good, worth it,” she hums.
“I think I need to get you stoned more if this is how you react to things,” Ava smiles, pulling Deborah back into her.
“Don't push it,” Deborah warns, letting her hands rub over Ava’s back and shoulder blades. “Just for that, you get to change the sheets,” she pokes and Ava giggles.
“Mm yes ma’am. Just let me enjoy you for a sec.”
“Anytime, sweetheart.”