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Dazai feels the worst he ever has.
He woke up at the Lupin bar, and his back was fucking killing him. He checked the clock on the wall.
10:53 pm...
This around the time Ango and Odasaku would arrive; pretending to have not shown up together, when... when Oda, before everything happened(before Dazai's 'luck' happened).
Dazai sighed and turned to the bartender. He ordered another drink.
As he drank he thought... thought of Oda. It was his birthday today, Dazai wondered if he should visit the grave; he probably shouldn't. In the end seeing Oda always won over everyone everything else.
After ordering... so many more drinks Dazai was drunk. it was at that time he decided to go to the liqour store. He bought a bottle... okay 5 bottles of Brandy, then stumbled his way to the cemetary.
After lots of difficulty he arrived at Oda's grave. He opened the first bottle of brandy and downed half of it in 5 minutes.
It wasnt until and hour and 4 bottles of brandy later; Dazai would speak to Oda.
"Oda... without you in my arms, I feel an emptiness in my soul. I find myself searching the crowds for your face — I know it’s an impossibility, but I cannot help myself. I miss you, I need you. I know you wanted me to be good, but how could i be without you here; my better half..."
The wind sounded like little wispers, it made him shiver. Fuck. He could almost hear Oda saying
"You will heal and you will rebuild yourself around the loss you have suffered. You will be whole again but you will never be the same. Nor should you be the same nor would you want to."
"The reality is that I will grieve you forever Oda, I will never be whole again" Dazai replied to no one yet someone at the same time.
He cracked open the last bottle of Brandy he had, with sweaty hands.
Dazai slumped against the side of the tombstone, and drank in silence, cause he would never really know what to say.
Especially not to a dead man.
Dazai felt tired. So he shifted to lay down; on his side, next to the grave, of the only man he ever loved.
He placed his hand ontop of of where the coffin would be. With a nearly empty bottle of brandy. So he downed the rest, blinking uncontrollably as he swallowed it. Tossing the bottle away Dazai felt himself falling asleep and his breathes becoming deeper. He spoke once more before drifting off.
"You've always been the most important light in my life. Oda. Thank you."
His body wasnt found until a week later surrounded by the cemetary owner. Surrounded by bottles of Brandy. The only things that stayed with him throughout the week.
Maybe a drink was the only family he ever had.