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“Be honest with me, Jay.” Heeseung says, stern.
“I…”
Where he was about to turn the corner, Jungwon pauses midstep. Was that Jay and Heeseung? He didn’t think that Heeseung and Jay were still here after school, nor that they’d be discussing something so serious by the water fountains either. Jungwon recalls Jay telling him that he had practice today, but not that he’d be staying this late. Even from behind the brick wall, the thickness of tension suffocates Jungwon. Normally, Jungwon wouldn’t be one to intrude. Normally, Jungwon would spin around on his heel and take the long way home. After all, it’s none of his business what his two senior friends are discussing and this is obviously a private matter. He shouldn’t eavesdrop. But there’s something keeping him rooted to the ground, unmoving.
Jungwon pushes his back against the wall, leaning as close as he can to them without being seen.
“I’m not trying to hound you or anything, I just want to know the truth.” Heeseung clarifies. “Just to be clear.”
What truth? Jungwon tries his best to lean even closer.
“Yes, I like him.” Jungwon hears Jay gulping down water obnoxiously.
Like who? Jungwon’s heart drops to his stomach and he’s about to run away until—
“I like Jungwon, a lot.”
His heart is restored to his chest, his hand rising to cover his mouth in shock. There’s pounding in Jungwon’s ears that he knows won’t be going away for another week or so.
“Okay, I just wanted to make sure.” Relief floods Heeseung’s voice. “Didn’t want you to be playing Jungwon, or something.”
“I would never!” Jay says. “I like him so much that it hurts.”
Flustered, Jungwon takes two steps back, his legs shaking so hard they’re sure to give out on him, when his foot accidentally snaps on a twig.
“What was that?”
Before either of them can check, Jungwon sneaks away, gone with the wind, a smile ever-growing on his face.
Jungwon clutches his chest as he heaves in and out, whether from the adrenaline of running fast enough to compete in the Olympics or of being a lovesick fool he can’t tell.
“Are you okay?” Jungwon’s grandmother shouts from the kitchen after witnessing her grandson dash up the stairs with lightning speed.
“Yes!” Jungwon replies, all too excited. “Yes, I’m fine!”
He likes me. Jungwon repeats in his head for the umpteenth time. He likes me, he likes me, he likes me.
Jungwon stares up at the ceiling, Jay's face appearing every time he blinks, cupping his hot cheeks in his hands. Jay likes me back!
For the past five years of Jungwon and Jay's friendship, Jungwon has always liked Jay. As Jungwon says to his two other best friends, Riki and Sunoo, “Jay was my gay awakening.” Nothing can bring Jungwon down, knowing that his crush is not unrequited. He must be the happiest boy on earth, and all there is to do now is wait for Jay to tell it to his face.
A confession. Jungwon takes out his phone and looks at his lock screen, a selfie of him and Jay at their favorite café. Jay is going to confess to me.
All the thoughts and scenarios keep Jungwon up that night. Would Jay gift flowers or chocolate? No, he’s romantic but not cheesy enough for that. Or would he write Jungwon a heartfelt letter and put it in his locker? Jay's isn’t always the best at words, but it’s a nice idea. Jungwon finally falls asleep dreaming of holding Jay's hand and kissing Jay's lips.
The next day, the next multiple days, arrive and yet, radio silence. Jungwon had placed more mind to his outfit that week, making sure his plaid shirts were ironed out and his hair fell the right way, preparing to look his best when Jay confessed. However, the moment Jungwon had been anticipating never came. Another month passes, the conversation still lingering heavily in Jungwon’s mind, and still nothing.
“What is going on?” Jungwon whines to Sunoo and Riki one night at a sleepover. “He told Heeseung how he feels about me, but why hasn’t he told me?”
“Just because he said he likes you, that doesn’t automatically mean he’s going to confess.” Riki deadpans while shoveling handfuls of popcorn into his mouth.
“He has a point.” Sunoo reluctantly agrees, his arms crossed, his eyebrows furrowed. “Though I seriously don’t get why he hasn’t either. I mean, Jay isn’t the type of guy to wait around with this kind of stuff. He’s good at being upfront with his feelings.”
“I know that better than anyone else.” Jungwon sighs, sinking further into the couch. “I wish he would just tell me already so we can make out.”
Riki’s face scrunches up with bewilderment. “Wait, I’m confused. Why don’t you just confess to him? You both like each other. It’s not like he’s the only one crushing on you.”
“I already did.”
“You did?!” Sunoo and Riki shriek simultaneously. “When?”
“A couple of years ago.” Jungwon mumbles. It’s embarrassing just thinking back on it. “Texted it to him, and he never responded.”
The memory resurfaces. It was a cool autumn day in October, an interval of changing seasons when people began to dress with more layers and exchanged their sandals for Uggs. The sun was setting outside, golden streams filtering into Jungwon’s room from the slits of his window shades. Jungwon had been pondering upon the thought often; what would happen if he were to confess his feelings to Jay. Years of friendship all boiled down to Jungwon, wrapped up in his blanket, alone with a heart that beats only for his best friend. In the spur of the moment, Jungwon took out his phone, bravely messaging Jay a straight forward I like you. Possibly one of the most nerve-wracking moments of Jungwon’s life, however, had slithered away like water down the drain. No matter how much Jungwon scrolled down, pushing against the screen until his thumbs got sore, the text remained delivered. Even after days, and days of waiting, as he is now, it was never brought up.
“What? Why would he do that?” Before Sunoo is sent into a murderous rampage on their friend, Jungwon shuts it down.
“No, no, I don’t think it’s a big deal. I’m sure he was probably shocked at the time, but we both kept acting like everything was normal.” Jungwon sheepishly puts a hand to the nape of his neck. He remembers Jay approaching him the next day after Jungwon confessed with the same brilliant smile on his face. “Technically, he didn’t reject me, so I didn’t lose hope and look where we are now!”
And Jungwon meant it. Even though he may or may not be absolutely sullen about the event, which is what is bringing him to come up with this master plan in the first place, he knows Jay would never hurt him intentionally like that.
“So you want him to confess this time?” Riki says with a twitch of his lips. “As payback?”
“Maybe.” Jungwon drags out the word. “And I have a plan this time.”
One—
Jungwon has a plan. Albeit, it’s not the most fantastic plan, it’s a plan.
Are you sure you can go through with this?” Riki asks again.
“I’m sure.” Jungwon reassures him, patting his friend’s back lightly. “I know exactly how to push Jay's buttons.”
Sunoo tuts when Jungwon accidentally jerks his head, grabbing Jungwon’s face and pulling it back towards him so that he can finish applying the eye shadow. “Okay, smokey eye done! Even if you’re nowhere near Heeseung’s style, I’m sure he’ll be at least a little turned on.”
“Haha, very funny, Sunoo.” Jungwon says dryly, standing up to stretch his legs at last. “How much time do we have left?”
“We were supposed to be at the theater five minutes ago, but I’m sure it’s fine.” Riki shrugs.
They scramble to gather their belongings before heading to the AMC, where only Heeseung and Jay remain waiting out front. Jake and Sunghoon are already inside buying snacks.
“What took you guys so long? I-”
Jay's scold is cut off when he sets his sight on Jungwon, who is so obviously overdressed to go watch a movie. In Jungwon’s opinion, Jay looks good too in his LG Tambourine hoodie and jeans, but today, he didn’t get dolled up for him.
“Hey, guys!” Jungwon greets. He, painfully, looks past Jay, bumping shoulders with Heeseung instead. “Sorry we’re late. Let’s get in.”
If Jay had any sour expression on his face, Jungwon doesn’t get to see it as they make their way into their theater, Jay trailing behind the rest of them. Jungwon is about to declare the first part of his plan a failure when he hears Jay softly requesting Sunoo to switch seats, placing him beside Jungwon.
“Bad eyesight.” Jay says lamely, tapping his glasses, and Jungwon hopes that it’s a false excuse. However, despite how heart fluttering Jay is, Jungwon has a role to stick to.
Noticing Heeseung’s arm laying on the arm rest between them, Jungwon lifts it up, removing any barrier between them. Jungwon points to Heeseung’s shoulder. “Can I?”
Heeseung gleefully nods. Jungwon makes himself comfortable on Heeseung’s broad shoulders, the ads finally coming to an end and the movie beginning on screen. Jay continues to sip on his soda, putting Jungwon’s effort in vain. Heeseung takes the chance to whisper, “I like your look today.”
“Thank you.” Jungwon whispers back.
“Is it for Jay? Are you trying to make him jealous?”
Jungwon knew Heeseung would catch on quickly. “How could you tell?”
“Any idiot with eyes could tell.” Heeseung averts his eyes away from Jay's direction. “Except for Jay himself.”
“Thanks for helping me out.” Jungwon says, genuinely.
“You’re welcome. Hope it works.” Heeseung loops an arm around Jungwon’s, but they don’t hold hands.
The movie turned out to be incredibly boring, for Jungwon at least. He slept soundly throughout the entire thing. Riki, Jake, and Sunghoon have enthusiastic reviews about the movie while the others were indifferent. Jungwon doesn’t even know why they all went when their taste in genres don’t match.
“Have a nice nap?” Heeseung inquires, Jungwon rubbing crust out the inner corner of his eyes.
“Yes, your shoulders make great pillows.”
Sunoo gasps dramatically. “Jungwon, you’re smudging the make-up!”
Jungwon looks down at his ashened fingers. He had completely forgotten about that. “Oh my god, I’m so sorry.”
Jay slings an arm around Jungwon before Sunoo can strangle him. “Relax, no one could see it in a dark theater anyways.”
Jungwon has to ignore the way his heart pitter-patters, and that phase one of Operation: Make Jay Confess has concluded with no progress as Jay stares at Jungwon with the same eyes as before. The same loving eyes that he only has for Jungwon.
Two—
Winter break has ended and everyone is back to school again, as well as phase two of Jungwon’s grand scheme.
“I don’t know if I’m the right person for this.” Sunoo admits. “I think everyone in our friend group knows you’re not my type. Love you, though.”
“Everyone also knows that you’re very open-minded and fickle.” Jungwon persuades. “And it’s not like I’m asking you to kiss me or anything. We can just be clingier than usual.”
Sunoo purses his lips. “Fine, let’s go do this thing. I was a theater kid, after all.”
They high five, muttering phrases of encouragement to each other until they arrive at the cafeteria, putting their game faces on. They walk in, arms linked and joined at the hip. Sunoo goes on about the latest gossip, maintaining constant eye contact with Jungwon, who listens attentively. Jungwon makes sure to laugh particularly loud when they plop themselves down at their designated bench at the lunch table, the attention of all five other boys on them.
“I’m going to get lunch.” Sunoo announces, dropping his backpack on the ground. Before he goes, he places his hand to Jungwon’s face and gently thumbs something on Jungwon’s cheekbone away. “Eyelash.”
“Oh, thanks.”
Sunoo winks, walking away. Jungwon tries to avoid his friends’ eyes, unpacking his bento box, but it’s not easy when even Riki, who often has his face pressed to his phone during lunchtime, is keenly glaring at him.
Sunghoon has an eyebrow arched at Jungwon. “What the hell was that all about?”
“Nothing, nothing.”
“Did you tell him you actually like mint chocolate or something?” Riki scoffs. “He would be over the moon if any one of us told him that.”
“Ew, mint chocolate chip is still gross.” Jungwon feigns hurling in his mouth when he looks at Jay in the seat across from him. He doesn’t have the jealous expression Jungwon’s hoping for, but the unusual quirk of his lips is definitely a sign that something is changing.
Before Jungwon can comment on it, Sunoo returns with a harrumph. “They ran out of fucking pasta, can you believe that?”
“May or may not be because of this one right here.” Sunghoon nudges Heeseung with his elbow, who flinches, hunched over three trays of penne and marinara residue.
Sunoo rolls his eyes. “I’m not even surprised.”
“So did something happen, or?” Jay questions. He’s not looking at either of them, fidgeting with the tab of his coke instead.
“What do you mean?” Pride washes over Jungwon knowing Jay is the slightest bit concerned. “This is how we normally are.”
“Right…”
Lunch continues without any hitches. Although Sunoo and Jungwon persist with their extra touchy act, if Jay was bothered, he didn’t let it show again. Like any other lunch, the seven boys laugh and yell and then disperse for class.
Three—
Jungwon sits Riki down on the couch. “Okay, it’s your turn.”
“Alright. What should I do?”
Prepared to launch a presentation on the many reasons Jungwon had compiled in his head expecting Riki to be a hard egg to crack, he’s taken aback by how easily Riki agreed. “I—Wait, really?”
“Yeah, really.” Riki kicks back, relaxing into the sofa. “I like myself a bit of drama.”
“Sunoo’s rubbing off on you.”
“Whatever.” Riki grumbles. “Do you want me to help or not?”
“Okay, okay.” Jungwon combs a hand through his hair with frustration. Although getting Riki to comply was less of an issue than Jungwon thought it’d be, the guy is still a pain in the ass. “Just come out with me to the mall.”
“Right now?”
“Yes.”
“To the mall?”
“Yes!”
“Jay is working at the mall right now.” Riki smirks. “So we’re gonna pass by that stinky old music store, aren’t we?”
“Don’t do anything weird.” Jungwon warns. “We hang out together all the time anyways, so don’t act like anything’s different today.”
“How come you told Sunoo to act touchy but you tell me to act normal?”
Jungwon stands with his arms akimbo. “Do you know anything about acting flirtatious at all?”
“Sure I do.” Riki has a smug look on his face that Jungwon doesn’t trust. “Watch and learn.”
He’s up, searching for his keys, swearing that he’d put them somewhere in his backpack. Considering Riki’s mischievous nature, Jungwon had been reluctant to ask Riki to aid him with this task, but he’s one of Jungwon’s closest friends. Jungwon no longer has any idea how this “date” is going to go with unpredictable Riki.
“Should we go to Jay first?”
“No.” Jungwon says, observing Jay from the second floor. Jay's workplace is located on the first floor, and it sticks out from the rest of the shops adjacent to it. Like many other music stores, the interior is filled with rows and shelves of CDs, vinyl, and more. There’s little room to walk around, browsing through the discs is the only thing customers have the space to do. Jungwon believes the place fits Jay like a glove. With Jay's myriad of interests and particular love for the guitar, he couldn’t have picked a more appropriate job. “We should go around and do things first so it seems more like we ran into him by coincidence.”
“But don’t you guys have each other’s schedules memorized by heart?”
“Yeah, but I could’ve forgotten, or something.” Jungwon drags Riki along by his wrist to the Kokee Tea first. “C’mon, let’s get boba. I’ll treat you for the trouble.”
Riki lights up at Jungwon’s invite, walking ahead with Jungwon hot on his heels. They spend an hour doing actual shopping that both of them had to get done, like any other time they’ve hung out at the mall. Riki insists on buying a shirt that he already has in black from Uniqlo in spite of Jungwon’s protests. Jungwon impulsively purchases Jay's favorite perfume from Sephora—even though Jungwon hates perfume, he’ll probably give it to Jay later—and a pair of denim jeans from Levi’s to make the “date” seem more believable.
“I’m regretting this already.” Jungwon whimpers, refusing to face the shopping bags held by Riki, who was forced to carry all their things. “I don’t think I’ll even wear those jeans more than two times.”
“Your loss.” Riki says, drinking his second cup of bubble tea that afternoon. “Just think of it as an expense in the name of love.”
Although he had said the words sarcastically, it managed to console Jungwon as they near Jay's music shop. From the outside looking in, Jay is at the register, the store completely empty as he drums his fingers along to the song playing in his headphones. Jungwon takes a deep breath before entering with Riki following suit. The little tinkle of the bell on the door and the smell of dust greets them.
“Jungwon!” Jay grins, but then it falls. “And Riki.”
Riki acts offended at Jay's visual disappointment upon acknowledging his presence. “Excuse me? You should be happy to see me too; I thought I was your favorite.”
“Since when, you goof.” Jay insults. A smile broadens on his face still. Harsh behavior has always been the two’s form of love language. “What brings you in today?”
Jungwon sees Jay glance at the bags. “We were just going out and decided to visit you because why not?”
“Just the two of you?” Jay's eyes wander somewhere behind Jungwon and Riki, expecting a third party to materialize out of thin air. “No Sunoo today?”
“Nah, he was feeling kind of sick today.” Riki explains, truthfully. Originally, Sunoo was going to tag along or at least tail them to make sure things sail smoothly, but he’d gotten a fever last minute. Therefore, Jungwon and Riki are here now.
“Oh, really? I should send him a message then.” Jay fishes his phone out from his pocket, typing away at a text that probably says something along the lines of Feel better soon! I’ll bring soup or Make sure to take medicine! “It’s kind of strange to see you two without Sunoo.”
“Is it weird?” Riki hooks an arm around Jungwon, bringing them into a sudden close proximity. “I actually kind of like it when it’s just the two of us.”
If Riki were to say that in any other setting, under any other condition, Jungwon would’ve stomped on his toes and fled, but this is not any other setting or under any other condition. Jungwon sucks it up, allowing Riki to slide a hand onto his waist. “I don’t know if I’d say that. Sunoo would get upset at you if he heard that.”
Jay notices that Jungwon doesn’t sucker punch Riki like he normally would, though his expression remains pensive. Jay jokes instead, “You know he’s prone to getting moody, especially on things that you say.”
“He’s right. You should take it back before he finds out from one of us.”
At this, Riki attacks Jungwon with a barrage of tickles, Jungwon narrowly slipping from Riki’s grasp only to find himself backing into Jay. Jungwon hadn’t even seen Jay get up from his chair, but now he has his hands gripping Jungwon’s shoulders. He can’t observe Jay's face from where he’s caught in front of Jay, but he can only assume that it’s something good judging by Riki’s startled reaction. “Don’t do that to Jungwon.”
Jungwon can faintly hear the ghost of Only I can tickle him, tempting to be added on, whether by Jay's actual intent or in Jungwon’s imagination, it doesn’t matter.
“Sheesh, I get it. He’s yours.” Riki whistles as he turns away. As much as Jungwon would love to be held by Jay forever, he steps on the back of Riki’s shoes, causing him to trip. Riki hisses, “What the hell was that for?”
“Hello?” Jungwon says wryly. “I’m not his, yet.”
“Well, take a good look around.” Jay pipes up, returning back to his chair. “I’m not giving you any discounts for the SHINee albums, by the way, Riki.”
Riki retracts his hand reaching out for Hard, cursing under his breath. They leaf through the jewel cases and paper covers of various discs for a while, Jungwon taking his time to inspect the artists and the songs while Riki lounges on the bean bags, having frequented the shop even more often than Jungwon himself. Ultimately, Jay indulges Riki in a game of cards because their rush hour, usually a mere amount of six customers ambling in in the span of half an hour, has passed and he has nothing better to do. Jungwon eventually joins after a song dies out. They play in the store until it’s time for Jay to close up, Jay offering to drive Jungwon home. The car ride back is silent, but comfortable. Jungwon basks in it. When Jay is pulling up into Jungwon’s driveway, he promises Jungwon they’ll meet again tomorrow and watches Jungwon up till the moment the light flicks on in his bedroom.
Four—
Sunoo flops beside Jungwon and Riki on his bed. They had just finished up studying for their chemistry exam and awarded themselves with some well-deserved break time. The topic that hangs in the air is brought down by Riki, “So did our attempts count as a success?”
“I mean, I guess?” Jungwon groans. “He was irked, but it’s definitely not anywhere near enough.”
“What next then?” Sunoo says, scrolling aimlessly through Pinterest.
“What about Sunghoon?” Riki suggests. “I mean, he plays basketball with Jay and the season’s about to end. Cheer for Sunghoon at the game?”
Jungwon tackles Riki off the bed, the latter screeching as he’s being rolled onto the floor. “Riki, you’re an absolute genius!!”
The next week, their school’s final basketball game arrives. Decelis High versus Sunshine City School, a match that is quite clearly in Decelis’ favor with how skilled their team is; Sunshine pales in comparison. Yet, people attend anyways, the bleachers packed with students dressed head to toe in blue and gold, Decelis school colors.
Jake waves Jungwon over to where the rest of them had fortunately found good seats close to the front, no doubt due to Riki’s excessive punctuality. “Hey, you’re here! What are you wearing?”
“What do you mean?” Jungwon knows exactly what he means. Instead of jersey number 99, Jay's spare jersey, which Jungwon usually dons for games, Jungwon is wearing jersey number 23. After briefing Sunghoon on the situation, he had hesitantly agreed to lend it and play the part, but it was admittedly awkward. Jungwon knows he only has eyes for Sunoo, and he seems to be the only one with this knowledge.
“You’re… I… You know what, nevermind.” Jake surrenders his hands up.
Jungwon sits at the end next to Heeseung. “You’re really running with this thing, huh?”
“Yeah, I am.” They both chuckle. “It’s very important to me that this works.”
“I can tell.” Heeseung says. An indecipherable look mars Heeseung’s face then. “Don’t go too far, though. Jay could—would get hurt if he found out.”
This is an area Jungwon hasn’t pondered upon yet, but he smiles at Heeseung, nonetheless. “I’ll keep that in mind, thank you.”
Heeseung returns it. “Of course.”
The loud squeak of shoes on the gym floor disrupts their moment. They both look up and Jay stands before them, his lower lip unknowingly jutted out. Jay's eyes are glued to Jungwon’s jersey. “That’s not mine.”
“Oh, this?” Jungwon beams, plucking his shirt. “I wanted to cheer on Sunghoon for a change. We’re all friends, but I always cheer for you.”
Jay lets out a hum of understanding, his expression clearing up instantaneously. Albeit, his lips are still tugged down in a slight pout. “That makes sense, I guess.”
Jungwon has to exert every force of strength he has in his body to restrain himself from just jumping up and kissing them both dizzy, wiping all of Jay's sadness away. But this simply means that his plan is working, he can’t give in now.
“Hey!” Sunghoon comes by, ruffling Jungwon’s hair. “Thanks for rooting for me.”
“Anytime.” Jungwon crinkles his eyes at Sunghoon.
“What’ll it take for you to wear my jersey again?” Jay almost snaps.
Heeseung eyes Jungwon skeptically, as if to ask What’re you thinking?
Jungwon smiles. “If you win this game, and you’re MVP, I might."
Jay flashes his lopsided, bracketed grin, holding out a hand for Jungwon to shake. “Deal.”
Sunghoon playfully shoves Jay in the chest. “You think you can outplay me for MVP?”
“Yes.” Jay replies with full confidence. “I’ll crush you.”
As expected, the Decelis team reigns victorious. In that fleeting moment of celebration, air horns blaring, students shouting their lungs out, blue and gold confetti falling all around them like cherry blossom petals in spring, Jungwon forgets all about his plan, running straight into Jay's open arms. Jay grabs him tight and gives him a couple of twirls in the air, making Jungwon feel like he’s flying before he lands Jungwon back on the ground, soaking in their embrace.
“I knew you could do it.” Jungwon says into the crook of Jay's neck, not minding the sweat on his skin.
Jay laughs. The feeling of Jay's breath on his shoulder sends shivers down his spine. “Hell yeah I did. Too bad you weren’t cheering me on.”
“It also could be why you played so well.” Jungwon snickers.
They separate, and Jungwon looks Jay right in the eyes. There are stars and galaxies orbiting his irises. His face is moist and sticky, but Jungwon cradles it in his hands regardless. Jay visibly melts into the touch, his eyelashes laying delicately on his cheekbones. This is the moment Jungwon had imagined where it would happen. A moment so magical and unforgettable that one of them would have to profess their feelings for each other. One of them would utter the three unspoken words between them, then they’d hug or kiss or scream realizing how stupid they’ve been all along. Say it, Jungwon thinks, admiring Jay in his palms. Tell me you like me, and I won’t have to do this whole thing.
“Yeah, maybe that’s why.” Jay's eyes are fluttering open once more. “You’ve always been my good luck charm just by being here.”
Jungwon wants to lean in and, unconsciously, he is. Jay looks like he’s leaning in too, but then he stops. “Let’s go talk with everyone else. We have to get our trophies, my coach is over there yelling right now.”
Jay gestures to the stout man behind Jungwon. Jungwon’s heart feels like it’s being torn to shreds, shattered beyond repair, when his arms return to his side. “Yeah, let’s go.”
They both jog to the hoards of people who congratulate Sunghoon, Jay, and the other basketball players on their fantastic win. All of their friends pat them on their backs with pride, taking plenty of pictures of the two before they’ll be “sky rocketed to fame in the NBA.”
Despite the cheer and happiness that surrounds him, Jungwon’s mood remains dampened by his own thoughts. He reaches only one conclusion: he has to make this plan work, no matter what.
Five—
“The last and final phase of the plan because this is no longer the second or the third trial, but the fifth.” Jungwon says, all dejection from last night’s game turned determination. “This last act will make it or break it, and if this fails, I’m done.”
“‘Done’ meaning you’re going to confess to him or you’re going to wait?” Sunoo asks.
“I haven’t thought that far ahead yet.” Jungwon admits timidly.
Riki’s eyes flicker over to the window briefly before he lays his head back down on the arm of Jungwon’s sofa. “Well there’s no better time than now because here they come.”
There’s three prompt raps on the door, Jungwon rushing up from the ground to get it.
“Yo.” Sunghoon coolly greets, walking past Jungwon and making himself right at home. Jake follows, heading directly to Jungwon’s living room with Heeseung in tow. Lastly, Jay appears. He’s sporting a snapback and a graphic tee that Jungwon knows he’s worn at least three times that week. Yet, he still makes Jungwon swoon in all his handsome grossness.
“What’s up?”
Jungwon laughs. “Don’t act like you’ve never been here before. Out of all of these idiots you come the most.”
“But at least I’m not making an idiot out of myself.” Jay shrugs. He politely steps in, placing his shoes properly in the rack by the door, and immediately goes to the kitchen. Jay had told the group chat that this time at their monthly hangout, he would be making curry for dinner because they all “eat too much junk food” and should have a “balanced meal.” So, he’s here in Jungwon’s house, taking ingredients from the fridge that Jay instructed Jungwon to stock up beforehand.
“Do you need any help?” Jungwon meekly asks from the entryway, Jay busy scavenging the cabinet for a spice.
“Ah, no. It’s alright.” A tuft of Jay's hair is poking out from behind the door. Jungwon has to resist the strong urge to smooth it back. “You can just go play with everyone else. I can handle a little curry.”
Jungwon nods, knowing better than to press Jay on it. He pads his way back to the others, where they’re competing in an intense game of Mario Kart.
“Up to play next round?” Jake asks enthusiastically, his eyes still fixed on the screen.
“Maybe.” Jungwon restlessly seats himself in the chair closest to the kitchen, waiting patiently for Jay to call on him. He can spot Jay from his chair, cutting something up with his utmost concentration, Jay's lips puckered into his distinct beak of focus. Eventually, Jungwon forgets about it, zeroing in on his last, final phase instead. Sunghoon, who had sorely placed fifth, switches out his controller with Jungwon, and he moves to the floor, sitting crisscross beside Jake.
They bump knees. “Ready to eat my dust?”
“You wish.” Jungwon playfully shoves Jake.
Luckily for Jungwon, it isn’t hard to provoke Jake into acting clingy with him. In all their years of friendship, it’s clear that Jake has always favored Jungwon. He’s adorable, how could someone not like him? Jake has never shied away from physical touch with Jungwon, especially when he was the one to initiate it, so being around Jake is fun and easy. Even Jungwon has to admit, Jake could’ve been attractive to him if it weren’t for the fact that their love for each other is greatly platonic. Jake doesn’t know about the plan, but maybe that’s what will make it even easier; a perfect final victim.
The game begins. All of them become lost in the chaos, in the biting moments where the taste of victory blooms at the tips of their tongues, only for Heeseung to swerve in first. They groan and sigh and resign to the fate of forever losing to racing god Heeseung.
“This is not fair.” Sunoo frustratedly launches his controller onto the cushion of the couch, ricocheting off, then landing miraculously into Sunghoon’s lap. “It’s no fun when you’re too good at this.”
“We can play something else then.” Jungwon suggests, already standing up to straighten out his aching limbs. He drags out the silver aluminum briefcase from under the table. “Anyone up for poker?”
As the youths that they are, nothing could ever go wrong with playing rounds of a game they shouldn’t be playing. Jungwon has often thought that he’d be a gambling addict in the future, but since there’s no real money involved, it’s none of his concern yet. He likes to imagine the scene around them: a private room in the casino, pasted with vintage red wallpaper and velvety closed curtains. The warm light from the lamp by his TV becomes a crystal chandelier hanging over their table. Each one of the boys, now members of some elite social class, are dressed to the nines, clacking the chips in their hands with trepidation. Heeseung, the dealer, skillfully shuffles the cards; a perfect riffle to bridge—this part is real. All their eyes shift from side to side, acutely aware that anyone from the adjacent seat to the fellow across the board could be fooling them. It’s dramatic, Jungwon knows, but how else is he supposed to have fun?
“Are you guys playing poker without me?” Jay's voice hitches boyishly in the middle, bursting the tension between them.
Jake hollers back, “Just beating out your boyfriend!”
Jay makes no comment. However, Jake seems to have caught on with Jungwon’s scheme, to Jungwon’s surprise, hooking an arm around Jungwon. “A little birdy told me you’re trying to make Jay confess.” Jake grins. “Have I become one of your pawns?”
“If you say it like that…” Jungwon grumbles, yet he relents, leaning back into Jake’s arm whilst making sure his hand is turned away.
Jake shrugs nonchalantly, as if he were enjoying it. “I don’t care either way.”
Jungwon shoves him in the rib. “It’s your turn, doofus.”
Jay emerges from the kitchen to Jungwon’s other side, peering at his cards curiously. Heeseung tells him he can join in the next round, sticking to observing the game instead. He naturally gravitates towards Jungwon, whether it be scooting himself closer or bending himself towards Jungwon like a sunflower at noon, but Jungwon has to refuse the attention. Jungwon clings onto Jake, even at the expense of bleeding, and turns away from Jay's piercing gaze. He knows Jay knows something is up.
“Is everything okay?” His jaw clenches. “You’re acting kind of weird.”
They are all seated at the dining table save for him and Jay, exhausted from four hours of Texas Hold ’Em, Jungwon the last in line by the stove to get his curry. Despite the perturbed expression that clouds Jay's face, he makes sure to fill Jungwon’s bowl to the brim. Anybody could tell that Jay has a favorite.
“Everything’s fine. Why do you ask?”
Before Jay can get a word in, Jake toddles to Jungwon, resting his chin over Jungwon’s shoulder. “Come over to the table quick. Things are getting boring without you.”
“Okay, okay.” Jungwon quickly thanks Jay for the meal, nabbing the curry from off the counter to follow Jake. When he turns around to take a glimpse of Jay, Jay's back is turned, slowly stirring something in the pot.
Plus One—
“So much for the last most epic final phase of your plan.” Riki says, kicking his feet up onto the desk. “That whole thing was even tamer than my act.”
It’s the morning after game night, and there was decidedly very little progress. In fact, Jungwon feels as if he’s landed himself even further back than square one, considering Jay became the one to distance himself after that moment in the kitchen. Maybe he was taking things too far just like Heeseung said. Maybe Jay doesn’t like Jungwon anymore after all.
“He was sort of pissed off the whole night, though, didn’t you see?” Sunoo reasons. “The plan could’ve totally worked!”
Riki and Sunoo make the perfect pair of the devil and angel on Jungwon’s shoulder, respectively. “I don’t know. I think I’m going to give up.”
“Now I didn’t say that.”
“I said I would, remember?” Jungwon face plants into his notes, wanting to cry. “I’d rather wait for him as long as he needs than to never be around him.”
“Ugh, you sap.” Sunoo says offhandedly while admiring his reflection in his compact mirror.
“Things going back to normal isn’t so bad.” Riki shrugs. “Honestly, going back to normal like this is perfect for me.”
“Agreed.” The two are on the same page, for once. “Besides, you’re hanging out with him after school, right?”
Jungwon nods. “We’re going to go to the boba store to study for a bit; this APUSH project is killing me.”
Riki’s head perks up at this. “Wait. What APUSH project?”
Mr. Lee exercises perfect timing, walking in just as the bell rings. “Shoes off, Nishimura. How many times have I told you?”
The classes fly by in minutes with Jungwon’s concentration at an all time low. As much as he hates to admit it: his plan was a total bust, and now there’s nothing he can do. Well, there’s plenty of things he could do, he’s just too stubborn to do them. The thought stays in the forefront of his mind all day, that perhaps Jay is unaffected because he actually doesn’t like Jungwon at all. But when he thinks back to that moment by the fountains with Heeseung, and even the moments before and after that, over, and over again, Jay had never seemed more genuine. What could Jungwon be missing?
Jungwon is pulled from the confines of his head when Jay yanks on the strap of Jungwon’s backpack, the latter spinning into Jay's embrace.
“Gotcha.” Jay smiles. Jungwon wonders whether Jay can hear his heart thrumming between them or not, because Jungwon can, loud and clear in his ears. “A penny for your thoughts?”
“Just thinking about school.” Jungwon pathetically laughs. “And about what to get at the Gong Cha.”
Jay hums thoughtfully. He doesn’t fully trust Jungwon’s answer, and Jungwon knows it, but he doesn’t press it either. “How about we order something for each other? Like the old times?”
The old times, Jungwon repeats it back to himself in his mind. When they used to frequent cafés and boba shops more often, Jungwon came up with the idea of picking each other’s drinks as a method of learning each other’s tastes, an icebreaker. Through this, Jungwon found out that Jay is unlike him. Jay likes to try new things, often ordering the seasonal flavors and mixing a variety of toppings. On the other hand, Jungwon likes to stick with what he knows, getting the same milk tea with the classic brown sugar tapioca pearls every time. Sooner or later, they fell into a rhythm of knowing, or not knowing, what they’d order next, so there was no need to guess what the other wanted; they already knew. But every day with Jay is different, and Jungwon obliges.
Close to their high school, there is a plaza within walking distance where most students gather to hang out or study after dismissal. The traffic is at its worst with the ant colonies of students flooding the cross roads and sidewalks, teenagers filling every corner of the streets. It’s a nightmare for the retail employees who have to deal with the rush hour of students and ordinary adults stuck in a jam trying to get to one place or another. As upperclassmen with vehicles, however, Jay and Jungwon always opted to take the back roads and drive to a further destination where they wouldn’t coincidentally bump into a classmate on the street. Both of them would choose a twenty minute car ride to quainter environments to do work over the bustling, student-infested Starbucks by their houses any day.
The wafts of tea hit Jungwon as soon as he steps into the Gong Cha. This one, like many others, has a minimalist, cozy atmosphere to it. Fake vines are strung along the walls of brick painted white, as well as strip LED lights lining the ceiling, transitioning from magenta, to teal, to gold. The baristas there have also put up their own little decorations by the counter; a small lucky cat with its eyes upturned into little crescents, old stickers from Christmas and New Years that have yet to be taken down. Jay and Jungwon are the only ones in the shop, to both of their surprises.
“This is kind of awkward.” Jungwon whispers through the grit of his teeth into Jay's ear.
A peppy barista appears from the back, looking all too excited to do his job. “Hello! How can I help y’all today?”
Jungwon is at sixes and sevens by the guy’s thick Southern accent, but Jay remains impervious to it. He wonders whether this Jay is acting, shielding his true emotions or if he really hadn’t paid it any mind. His questions are shoved down when Jay grins. “Wow, your accent’s crazy! Are you from around here?”
“Thank you, I get that a lot.” The barista replies with enthusiasm. “I moved here from Georgia less than a year ago and the accent hasn’t gone away.”
“A belated welcome then.” Jay smiles wide, dazzling the two who lay witness to it.
“Now, uh.” The barista can’t seem to look Jay in the eye anymore, darting from side to side instead. “Your orders?”
They place their orders, Jay lingering a bit longer to converse with the employee while Jungwon broods over it in his chair because isn’t Jay being a bit too friendly right now? The plan—the old plan—seems to be having reverse effects.
“Hey.” Jay greets as he sits back on the sofa across from Jungwon. “Ready for some history?”
Jungwon groans as Jay chuckles. History has always been Jungwon’s weakest subject. He’d only taken APUSH despite knowing that the class would be hell for him due to his overachieving ego. Luckily for him, Jay, the world’s encyclopedia poured into one teenage boy who so happens to be the love of Jungwon’s life, is always willing to lend a helping hand.
Hours of hammering away at the paper passed, Jungwon and Jay both finished with a gratifying sigh and the empty cups of three rounds of boba laid about the table. The sky has faded from a fiery peach gradient to a dim cotton candy canvas behind Jay, an indication that the time has slipped through their fingers like sand.
“I think I’ve had my fill of milk tea for the next three months.” Jay says, shooting their cups into the bin effortlessly, as if it were a free throw—a habit spawned from being a seasoned basketball player. “Also, I’m sure the employees probably also want us to leave already.”
“Same. Don’t invite me to study here ever again, my money’s just flying out of my pocket these days.” Jungwon takes out his wallet to demonstrate, lifting it up and down with more ease than he’d like and unaccompanied by any jingle of coins. He randomly recalls what Riki had told him before, Just think of it as an expense in the name of love. Absolute bullshit.
Jay laughs. “Nobody said you had to buy more.”
“But I wanted to.” Jungwon retorts. “That’s the worst part.”
“Hello!” A voice interjects suddenly. Jungwon whips his head around to find the source, and it’s coming from a girl standing behind him. She has waist-length walnut hair and full bangs with a pink streak that runs along it. Her posture is rigid and stiff as she stands there awkwardly with her hands clasped in front of her.
Jungwon scans left and right, unsure of whether it’s him and Jay that she’s speaking to. He notices one of her friends, he assumes, sitting at the table nearest to them, cheering her on for some reason. At this moment, it clicks in Jungwon’s head. A girl walking up to them, trembling from nervousness, her friend encouraging her from the sidelines, he knows what this means: this girl is trying to ask Jay out. It’s not an uncommon scenario. In fact, it’s happened so often that Jungwon has become numb to the jealous pang whenever a girl approaches his infinitely charismatic, undeniably attractive best friend. It’s just an inevitable situation as one of the most popular guys at school. Besides, Jungwon gets it, because he’s one of these girls too.
“Hello.” Jungwon cordially replies. He taps Jay's shin with his foot to get the guy to say something, anything, but he remains apathetic.
“I-I just wanted to, um, ask.” She still has head bowed down at them, and Jungwon begins to especially pity this girl. While most of the people who approached Jay had at least a sliver of confidence, this girl looked like she was about to keel over any second now. However, something about this situation seemed off. She is still standing facing Jungwon, having yet to spare a single glance at Jay, the guy she should be asking out. “C-can I have your number?”
Jungwon’s jaw drops to the ground. His eyes are as wide as saucers when the girl presents her phone to him, shaking violently. He looks over at Jay, whose face is the one now warped with jealousy, then back at the girl before him. “Are you asking me?!”
She looks up at this, her large eyes glossing over and glistening under the fluorescent lights. If Jungwon didn’t feel bad before, then he definitely felt bad now. “Yes?”
“Not him?” Jungwon points to Jay.
“I’m asking you.” The girl confirms.
“Wow. I don’t know what to say.” Jungwon rakes a hand through his hair because he really doesn’t know what to say. No one has ever asked for his number before, that was Jay's job. He has to admit, it’s quite flattering that someone has built up the courage to ask him such a forward question. But under Jay's fierce gaze, Jungwon can only wonder what’s running through his mind now. He looks back at Jay, and his expression hasn’t changed the slightest.
A brilliant idea strikes Jungwon then. Perhaps the plan wasn’t a lost cause after all. “Sure. I’ll just punch it in. What’s your name?”
“Uh, um, Sooha. I’m Sooha.” The girl’s friend squeals as Sooha herself goes completely florid. She shakily unlocks her phone for him, and he types in his name and number.
“I’m Jungwon. It was nice meeting you, text me.” Jungwon smiles, feeling the dimple groove into his cheek. When he sees how she melts into his words, guilt creeps up on him for using her for his own selfish advantage in getting the guy sitting across from them to confess, but he’ll be sure to compensate her later for unintentionally becoming a victim of his scheme, should the scheme even work out from this incident.
“It was nice meeting you too!” Sooha scurries off the moment the last words part from her mouth and into the congratulatory welcome of her friend.
Jay has been silently packing both of their things back into their bags. “Was that the first time a girl asked you for your number?”
If I said no, how would you react? Jungwon can’t force the eye contact he so desperately desires out of Jay, even when Jungwon’s staring so blatantly. “Yeah, it was.”
“You think she’s cute?” The gentle inquiry had come off as more of a statement than a question.
“I…” He doesn’t think that she’s cute. He thinks Jay is cute. “I guess.”
Jay doesn’t respond to him, still wordlessly organizing through all of their notes and worksheets. Jungwon sits there, uselessly watching Jay discern whose paper is whose. When the silence gets to be too much for the both of them, Jay asks one last question. “Do you like her?”
Jungwon has to choose his words carefully. He knows the truth, that he likes Jay, but he has to play his cards right to get what he wants. He can’t let this opportunity pass him by. “I could.”
Something shifts in Jay's expression then, finally, or in the very least, a shift that Jungwon can comprehend. Jay has always been easy for Jungwon to read, that’s what years of experience and bonding does to two people, but these days, he knows Jay is masking himself well.
“Okay.” Jay picks up their bags and heads to his car, Jungwon treading behind him with a strange apprehension.
“Are you okay?” Jungwon asks. Are we okay? Worry very apparently floods Jungwon at an abnormally quiet, unresponsive Jay Park.
Jay turns to Jungwon when he places a hand over Jay's on the stick, that familiar bracketed grin slowly framing his face. “I’m okay. Just thinking.”
Jay had assured Jungwon that he was okay, yet Jungwon feels everything but. Nevertheless, the reaction could’ve definitely meant that Jungwon’s plan has reached its climax, and that changes could be happening any day now. Jungwon has totally blown his scheme out of the ballpark, even if the player who hit the home run was completely unplanned.
“If you’re actually the first one out of us three to get a boyfriend, I’m suing.” Sunoo rolls his eyes, marveling at his own face in the mini vanity he had set up in his locker at the start of the school year.
“Then sue me.” Jungwon snarkily responds, sticking a tongue out at Sunoo.
“Hey, what about me?” Riki says. He bites down on the lollipop he’d been working at for the past hour. “What if I get a boyfriend or girlfriend first?”
Sunoo scoffs, adjusting the stray strand of hair on his forehead. “In your dreams. If you, Riki Nishimura, get a partner before me or Jungwon, then the world is ending.”
“It can’t be that bad!”
Riki looks to Jungwon, expectancy twinkling in his youthful eyes to back his old buddy up, but Jungwon shakes his head. “Sorry, but it’s that bad.”
Both Sunoo and Jungwon get a good laugh at Riki turning his nose up at them, sulky. Sunoo has to offer Riki another piece of candy for them to make amends once more.
“So, what are you going to do about Sooha then?” Sunoo asks, shutting his locker closed as he peers into Jungwon’s, piled high with assignments and stacked with a plethora of textbooks. He’s currently sifting through a torn yellow folder, his designated English folder for the past six years, searching for an essay he’s sure he stuffed in there last night. “You’re gonna break her poor little heart.”
“I know.” The guilt closes in on him once again when the image of her quivering before him involuntarily flashes in his mind. “I’ll make it up to her later. We could even be friends; she seemed like a nice girl.”
Riki heaves out a histrionic sob. “If only she knew!”
He rightfully earns himself a shove from Jungwon. “Sacrifices needed to be made.”
“Did they really, though?” Sunoo says. The switch in his tone this time tells Jungwon that he’s not messing around. “I’m getting a bit of toxic energy from you, Jungwon. You’re starting to destroy the people around you just because of this dumb confession which you could’ve, frankly, just done in the first place.”
“He’s right, you know.” Riki confesses his doubt. “You might’ve gone a bit too far with this one. And even if you did get rejected like a millennia ago, it’s really petty of you to keep it up for this long. Just be happy he even likes you back; that’s a miracle in itself.”
His friends’ advice leaves Jungwon off kilter. Jungwon knows his friends are right, they usually are. A dark, sick feeling churns at the bottom of his stomach, a feeling that rubs him in the wrong way. Yet, Jungwon knows he’s gone too far to turn back, especially not when his prize is right around the corner. “I… I get what you’re saying, but I’m already so close. ”
“It’s never too late to confess.”
Jungwon slams his locker door, then turns to his friends. Shouldn’t they, of all people, be more understanding about this? “Yes, but aren’t you forgetting why I did this in the first place?” Grim expressions begin to ghost Sunoo and Riki’s faces as Jungwon goes on, complexions going pale, but Jungwon continues despite it. “I went through this whole, stupid process of trying to make Jay jealous so that he can confess. Now that I’m basically already here, why should I give in?”
“You were trying to make me jealous?”
Jungwon snaps his head around at that familiar honey-drenched voice now flooded with pain. Jay stands behind Jungwon—has been standing behind Jungwon with a bouquet of white lilies, Jungwon’s favorite flowers, in his hands. Thinking back to his friends’ reactions, the fear that Jay had been present the entire time Jungwon said those words creeps up on him. And unfortunately, Jay had been.
The flowers tremble in Jay's hold. Jay's eyes glaze over with tears threatening to escape, and it’s unlike any sight Jungwon has ever seen before. It makes Jungwon want to slap himself, or make him want Jay to slap him, do something. Instead, Jay blinks away his tears, his eyes darting everywhere except for back at Jungwon.
“Well, it worked.” Jay thrusts the bouquet into Jungwon’s arms, petals flying all over the place. “I like you. There, I said it. Are you happy?”
Jay is hurt, just as Heeseung and Sunoo and Riki predicted. Jungwon tries to reach out to Jay, say anything to get him to come back, but it’s too late. Jay is already walking away, disappearing into the crowd of high schoolers.
“Jungwon…” Is all Sunoo has to mutter for Jungwon to break down. The words that he’d been choking on come spilling out in the form of cries, raining on the fresh flowers as Riki attempts to calm him down with a hug. Everything just crumbled before him. He’d gotten what he wanted, what he was looking for this entire time. Jungwon doesn’t think he’ll ever forget the look on Jay's face when he turned around, as heartbroken as Jungwon once was. The prize was handed to him on a silver platter, yet it felt more like a cold bucket of water was dumped on him, waking him up to reality and finally realizing the gravity of what he’s done.
Jungwon doesn’t concentrate on school for the rest of the day; he doesn’t concentrate on anything for the rest of the week. A week of Jay ignoring him in the halls and avoiding him during the times they used to save just for each other. He can’t even bring himself to look at the piles of homework he has to do or eat a single grain of rice. No matter how many times Jungwon replays the moments over, and over again, he can only remind himself of one thing: that he was the one who fucked up everything. He should’ve taken the signs, taken all of his friends’ warnings seriously. How can he live without Jay now?
“Jay did not die for goodness sake.” Heeseung reasons. “Even if he did die, you’ll live.”
Heeseung Lee is currently at Jungwon’s house on this early Saturday afternoon, lounging on Jungwon’s bed beside him. He came over to revive Jungwon from his depression, which has possessed Jungwon since the confession happened. Jungwon groans into his pillow. Muffled, he argues. “But Jay is treating me like I’m dead. There’s nothing worse than that.”
“You know, maybe he’s just waiting for you.” Heeseung offers.
Jungwon flips himself over, still tangled in his blanket. He sniffs, staring up into the ceiling. “Waiting for me?”
“You’ve been waiting for him all this time.” Heeseung says with a slight shrug of his shoulders. “Maybe he’s waiting for you to come to him. He’s always been the one who goes to you, so show him you want him too.”
“I want him so bad!” Jungwon exclaims, burying himself in the sheets again. “Why can’t he see that?”
Heeseung chuckles light and airy. “Believe it or not, it is kind of hard to see with you. Jay expresses his love towards you much more clearly than you do to him.”
“What do you mean?”
“It’s like this:” Heeseung lifts himself from where he’d been lying on the mattress, sitting up so that his back is leaning on the wall. “Jay takes care of you the best. He follows you around to the ends of the earth just to make sure you’re comfortable. He’s often the one who initiates the touches and everything, the one who’s more open with how much he adores you. If there were anybody between the two of you who’s feeling like their feelings are going unnoticed, it would definitely be Jay.”
“I…” Jungwon looks at Heeseung, earnest. “I never thought about it like that.”
“You should approach him first for once, is what I’m saying.” Heeseung pats Jungwon’s head. “I believe in you two.”
That is all Jungwon has, Heeseung’s belief and his heart. Well, his heart is Jay's hands, and now he has to go and retrieve Jay's. “You’re right, Heeseung. I will go to him.”
With a newfound confidence and motif, Jungwon walks all the way to Jay's house. While they aren’t neighbors, they don’t live too far away from each other, so it makes it nice and convenient for when Jungwon wants to randomly spring something on Jay. Yet, standing in front of the door is more daunting than Jungwon thought it’d be. On his way here, he’d compiled a list of things he was going to say to Jay, his feelings being at the top, but they all muddle together in his brain now that he’s about to say it. Jungwon raises his balled fist, taking a deep breath in and out, before knocking three prompt times.
Jay answers. “Jungwon, you’re here.”
“Hey.” Jungwon waves. “Can we talk?”
The tiredness in Jay's face makes Jungwon want to believe that he’s been losing sleep over their lack of contact too. Jay simply nods. “Come on in.”
Jungwon slips out of his sneakers, making sure to place them neatly by the door, guiding himself through the familiar house into Jay's familiar room. Jay shortly follows Jungwon with a can of coke in hand, knowing Jungwon always gets thirsty after the trek to his house. As he places it on his desk next to Jungwon, Jungwon is only reminded once again of how Jay is the one who constantly shows his affection. He opens the can with a satisfying sizzle and thanks Jay for the refreshment.
“So, what do you want to talk about?” Jay asks while Jungwon gulps down his soda. Jungwon is perched on Jay's gaming chair with his knees to his chest and Jay is sitting cross legged on his bed, his back rounded in a way that Jungwon would reprimand him for normally. “What do you have to say?”
The apprehension that seized Jungwon earlier melts away when he stares at Jay. He remembers everything that he’d put himself through to get to this point. Heeseung’s shoulder, the eyelash Sunoo brushed away, Riki’s empty boba cups, Sunghoon’s jersey, the limbs all over Jake, and the joy on Sooha’s face. But most of all, he remembers Jay. Not just in all the moments where Jungwon was trying to make him jealous, but the memories where Jay had made his feelings so clear, to the point where he might’ve just been confessing to Jungwon without spelling it out. Jungwon is the one who ruined it all. This opportunity could possibly be the only one he has to make it right, correct his idiotic, petty behavior that stemmed from a failed confession that happened years ago.
“I like you.” Jungwon says, first. “I like you, too. I’ve liked you since eighth grade, Jay.”
“Okay, okay.” Jay replies, humming in agreement, yet his eyebrows still meet in the middle. “Then why did you do it?” A beat passes. “Why were you trying to make me jealous?”
“Because…” Jungwon grips the arm of the chair. Own up to the truth, Jungwon. “Because you never texted me back.”
“What are you talking about? I text you all the time.” Jay says with a slight exasperation that makes Jungwon laugh.
“No, all those years ago.” Jungwon confesses. “I confessed to you through text in freshman year.”
“We’d only known each other for about two years back then.”
“I know!” Jungwon laughs again, as if the idea were absurd. “I liked you so much at that time that I had to tell you, and then you never texted me back.”
Jay's eyes are blown out so wide that Jungwon thinks they’re about to fall out of his head. “You’ve never texted me anything like that before.”
Jungwon throws an eraser at Jay, who weakly blocks it. “I one-hundred percent did. The event has haunted me for life!”
“I’m telling you I never got such a text! If I did, I would’ve definitely remembered.” Jay's face contorts into his signature pout. “Now that I think about it, I’m pretty sure I got a new phone in sophomore year. I lost mine when I went out to the creek with Sunghoon one evening so I just got a new one the next day.”
“When did you get a new phone?” As far as Jungwon knows, Jay has had the same phone for the past five years out of pure sentiment.
“In sophomore year!! I just said!” Jay grabs his phone, displaying it for Jungwon to see in all its deteriorated state. “To be fair, I just bought the same model as the old one because I like it so much.”
“Then how in the world have we been texting this entire time?”
“I have your number memorized.” Jay admits, pocketing his phone back into his jeans. “So I never had to ask you for it again when I got a new one.”
Jungwon cards his hands through his hair with utter disbelief as well as endearment. “So you really never saw the text?!” A blush blooms on Jungwon’s face as an afterthought. “You have my number memorized?”
“Yes and yes.” Jay is flung into a fit of breathless laughter from realizing how foolish they’ve been, placing his head into his palms. With his face hidden in his hands, the redness of his ears reveals itself to Jungwon. “God, I was so mad at you. Most of all, I was just really sad.”
Jungwon moves to the bed, seating himself in front of Jay. He removes Jay's hands and puts them in his lap, nudging his knee as if to say go on.
And so, with a deep breath, Jay tells his side of the story. “I realized that I liked you a little more than a year ago. We were just chilling in the basement and then, I don’t know, I just knew I had liked you the whole time. Nothing changed really, and I was scared it would. So I didn’t mind being your friend. When you started getting weird with the others, though, it made me feel really ugly.”
“You’re not ugly.” Jungwon is quick to comment.
“No, not like that.” Jay cracks a smile that pierces Jungwon’s heart. “On the inside, it felt ugly. Before, it was easy to feel like you were already mine, but then these past few months, you started to get too close with them. I hated how possessive I was feeling because you’re obviously your own person and you should cling onto whoever you want. It was even worse because those guys are my friends too, and I didn’t want my feelings to destroy it. I thought I was just stuck in an unrequited love.”
Jungwon pinches Jay's cheek. “You were so, so wrong. But I am sorry for leading you on. I was getting really desperate.”
“I know but I was so mad at you.” Jay winces reminiscing on his feelings when he heard it from Jungwon. However, in Jungwon manner, Jungwon is able to smooth back Jay's nerves with a soft squeeze of their intertwined hands. “I thought you were just trying to trick me into telling you just that you could dump me, or something; mess around with me because you know how much I like you.”
“Jay, I would never.” Jungwon’s chest throbs hearing the pain in Jay's voice. “I overheard you telling Heeseung your feelings, so I thought you were going to confess to me this time because when I confessed to you before that, obviously, didn’t work out so I did this whole thing as… revenge?” The more the words tumbled out of Jungwon’s mouth, the more idiotic it all seemed.
Jay smirks. “Well, it worked really well.”
Silence falls upon them for a moment. Neither of them can bring themselves to make eye contact yet, observing how perfectly their hands fit together instead.
“I’m so sorry. Will you forgive me?” Jungwon mumbles.
Something tells Jungwon that he’s already been forgiven, but Jay hums in thought anyways. “I will forgive you if you can answer me this.”
“What is it?”
Jungwon looks up and Jay has been staring at him all along. He remembers that day on the basketball court, and he thinks Jay's eyes still hold the whole universe in them. But perhaps that only happens when he’s with Jungwon. “Will you go out with me?”
“Yes.” Jungwon replies. “I will go out with you.”
Jay lets go of Jungwon’s hand to open his arms, Jungwon taking it as an invitation to stumble into his embrace. They flop onto the bed, Jay rolling the both of them back and forth.
“Stop it! I’m getting dizzy!” Jungwon whines into Jay's shoulder and the older heartily laughs, coming to a stop with Jungwon laying on top of him.
“We’re so stupid and stubborn.” Jay kisses the top of Jungwon’s head sweetly. “We could’ve had this so long ago if either of us would just tell it to each other.”
“It’s all my fault.” Jungwon says. “If only I wasn’t so petty and listened to what the guys were telling me.”
Jay chuckles, and Jungwon feels the vibrations underneath him. Jungwon tightens his arms around Jay, wondering whether this, being with Jay, is paradise or not, because it must be. “My boyfriend isn’t petty plus he’s a great listener!”
Jungwon hopes Jay doesn’t feel the warmth that spreads all over at the title, one that Jungwon had been fighting for for the past five years. “Whatever you say.”
“So, if you like me, what about Sooha?” Jay asks shyly, as if he was afraid to. “You told me she was cute, and that you could like her.”
“We just got together and that’s the first thing you ask?” Jungwon eyes Jay, amused.
Jay huffs. “I just—I have to know. Just answer the question.” Jay faces away from Jungwon, embarrassed.
“I don’t know, maybe.” Jungwon is having too much fun teasing Jay. “If you weren’t around, I might’ve asked her out.”
“Don’t joke about that.” Jay grumbles, nuzzling his nose into Jungwon’s hair.
“Okay, you’re right.” Jungwon lifts himself up so that he’s looking at Jay from above, caged by Jungwon’s arms, a sight for sore eyes. “Can you kiss me now?”
Jay laughs and Jungwon laughs for the millionth time. “Yes. Yes, I can.”
“I think I’m going to actually sue you if you two keep this up.” Sunoo threatens non threateningly.
Jungwon flashes Sunoo his best shit-eating grin. “I don’t think you can. It’s just not possible.”
“And we didn’t think it was possible for you guys to be even more lovey dovey than you already were as friends.” Riki adds.
All seven of them have convened in Heeseung’s home for a movie night, but so far it has been filled with nothing but the guys poking and prodding at Jay and Jungwon’s relationship with Twilight as background noise.
“I was a real one since the beginning.” Jake says. “Just so everyone knows that.”
“Each one of us can say that.” Sunghoon remarks, hitting Jake lightly in the back of the head.
Heeseung arrives in the living room with two bowls of popcorn. “How’s our couple doing?”
“Is this going to be the topic every time we’re together now?” Jay groans, slumping into Jungwon’s side.
“If you keep acting like that, then yeah, maybe.” Riki comments offhandedly.
“Every one of us has contributed to the beginning of this relationship, so it’s kind of our business.” Sunoo explains, giving Jay a hard pat on the back. “Besides, Jungwon went all out with it.”
“We were basically just reading slow burn.” Sunghoon says.
Jungwon sighs, seating himself in Jay's lap, causing Jay to slink his arms around Jungwon’s waist like his personal seat belt. “Don’t worry, Jay, I’ll protect you from everyone’s teasing.”
“So gross.”
“The first couple in our friend group.” Heeseung chimes in, a handful of popcorn stuffed into his cheeks. “Congratulations!”
“You say that like there’s going to be a second.” Sunoo shudders at the thought.
Jay shrugs. “You never know.”
The next movie plays, Heeseung taking the opportunity to close the curtains and turn down the lights when the opening scene of Insidious begins. Heeseung and Riki are sitting beside each other on the floor, sharing the mermaid blanket that Jungwon had gotten Heeseung as a gag gift last Christmas; Jake is lying behind Heeseung on the couch with heavy eyelids; Sunoo and Sunghoon are on the other sofa one cushion apart, but they take small glances at each other from time to time. Jungwon is still in Jay's lap, and he sees and feels it all. Jealousy was what allowed for Jungwon to be in Jay's arms now, but it was ultimately their love for each other which prevailed.