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Gyuvin was full of deep questions.
Ricky was used to the blank expression and the unusual silence. The only time Gyuvin was ever quiet was when he was overthinking about some new abstract question. Usually, he preferred to be left alone with his thoughts, not sharing them with anyone until they were at least a little bit more organized in his mind.
So, when the blonde found his boyfriend sitting alone, silent and distracted, he immediately went to leave the room.
"Ricky."
"Hm?" Ricky turned around to face the other. "Did I disturb you?"
Gyuvin shook his head, holding out his arms. Ricky smiled and walked over, giving him a kiss on his forehead as the other's arms wrapped around his waist. "Can I ask you something? You don't have to answer."
Ricky nodded, taking a seat. "What's up?"
"Where do you feel happiness?"
Ricky blinked a few times in confusion. "Huh?"
Gyuvin's eyes were wide with focus and...something else, something Ricky just couldn't read. "Like...like I feel it in my hands. I get so fidgety when I'm happy or excited, I can never keep my hands still."
"Oh." Ricky had to think about it, really consider it. Finally, he pointed to the center of his chest. "I get a warm feeling here. Then it kind of spreads out." He studied Gyuvin, studied that odd emotions in his eyes. "Gyu, what's—"
"And sadness?"
It was different from Gyuvin's other questions. Different from the, "Do you ever think you're in a dream, and I'm trying to wake you?" when they were thirteen. Different from the, "Maybe you're just a hallucination in my life and nobody else can see you." Gyuvin didn't ask those questions with this look in his eyes. He didn't usually expect an answer.
Ricky never before felt this pull to answer the question. But now, he couldn't stop himself before those eyes.
"My legs. If I'm sad, walking or running feels exhausting."
Gyuvin nodded. "I feel it in my lips. I always start to pout whenever I'm sad. And anger?"
For Ricky, it was the way his jaw would clench. For Gyuvin, it was the way his shoulders loosened as he felt himself melt when frustrated.
Jealousy was in the very back Ricky's throat and in Gyuvin's wrist. Disgust was in Gyuvin's nose and Ricky's eyebrows. Frustration was in Ricky's fingers. It was in Gyuvin's chin. Concentration started in the bottom of Gyuvin's spine, moving up slowly. It started in Ricky's legs.
They went back and forth, through every emotion they could think of. Their voices got quieter and quieter, the air in the room too fragile to speak any louder than a whisper. With every answer, the undescribable emotion grew more and more in Gyuvin's eyes.
Finally, silence fell between them as they studied each other; Ricky, in his calm focus, and Gyuvin, in his...his panic. That was the feeling in his eyes. Something Ricky had only once seen before.
Fear wasn't in Gyuvin's vocabulary. In Ricky's eyes, he was the bravest person ever. He didn't have an ounce of worry, even in the most stressful situations. The only time there was worry in his eyes was...
"Where do you feel love?"
It was breathed out, so quickly that Ricky barely caught it. A memory flew through his mind.
They'd met when they were thirteen. Ricky's mom has forced him to join a dance class, saying that he needed a hobby that wasn't going to spend all her money (though, the lessons weren't any less expensive than his spending habits)
The second he laid eyes on the other, his heart started to flutter. They say love at first sight is like a spark. But for Ricky, it was like a wave of water, running over him. He could see it coming, felt it wash over him gradually.
Gyuvin was stretching, long arm leaning towards his foot. He made eye contact with Ricky and smiled.
The wave hit him.
When the class started, Gyuvin happily went to the front of the class, demonstrating the dance for everyone. The pretty smile was faint as he danced, concentration taking over his entire body (starting the very bottom of his spine). And yet, as he gracefully spun, the smile would come back momentarily. Whenever he'd look at Ricky, it'd flash upon his face.
That was their first meeting. Five years later, they were eighteen and graduating high school.
They faced each other, both their eyes sparkling with joy (Gyuvin just couldn't keep his hands still). "Sleepover at mine?" Ricky asked.
He already knew the answer.
The hours passed. Their entire class went to dinner to celebrate. They both left early to have their own party.
11 pm, 12 am, 1 am, 2 am, 3 am, 4 am. Hours passed, minutes flew, seconds ticked. At five am, they both laid side by side in Ricky's queen bed, their faces dimly lit by the night light (because Gyuvin couldn't sleep without one).
In that light, Ricky saw it. The unfamiliar look of fear. It flashed in Gyuvin's eyes, a fragile little feeling. "Ricky?"
"Yes?"
"What if...what if I liked you?"
It spread. Spread throughout his entire body. He couldn't pinpoint the beginning of it. There was no beginning to this feeling. It was everywhere, overwhelming him. It pressed a tear to his eyes, and then another.
"You like me?"
Gyuvin nodded, his eyes wide with concern (it pulsed in the back of his head) and that overwhelming fear. "It's okay if you don't—"
Ricky pressed their lips together. It was awkward, their teeth clashing against each other. Once they pulled apart, they both burst out laughing. "That was my first kiss," Ricky whispered.
"It was mine too."
They exchanged another sweet kiss, before falling asleep in each other's arms.
"Everywhere."
Even in that moment, it crashed into Ricky and flooded his body. He couldn't keep track of the feeling as it coursed throughout his entire body all at once. Tears began to drop down his face. "It's an overwhelming feeling. I've only ever felt it a few times, like when I told my mom about us, or when Yujin and Ollie graduated. But with you, I always feel it. It's like an ocean. Usually the water just laps at my feet, but some days, it sweeps me in and won't let me go. I can't pinpoint where it starts. It's just...everywhere. Everywhere."
Gyuvin wrapped his arms around the other. Ricky returned the hug, whispering into his boyfriend's ear.
"I love you, I love you, I love you. I loved you when we were thirteen. I loved you when we were eighteen. I love you now, and I'll love you when we're old and retired."
They both were crying in each other's embrace, so full of pure love for each other. Eventually, they fell asleep, holding each other tightly.
The next time that Ricky found Gyuvin alone, silent and lost in his thoughts, he didn't leave the other there. He walked over and curled up beside him. "Hey."
"What legacy will I leave on this earth?" Gyuvin asked, voice somewhat distant.
Ricky shrugged and leaned in to kiss the other. "You've left a legacy in my heart. Isn't that enough?"
That answer seemed to satisfy the brunette as that gorgeous, gorgeous smile swept over his face. "Aw, what a romantic."
"Only for you, my dear."
Gyuvin laughed and brought his hand to the back of Ricky's head, pulling him in for a kiss.
And, once again, Ricky was drowning in a sea of love.