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It was meant to be closure, except they all know it's not.
The first time happened on a whim; they were drunk and had been ranting about their...object of obsession. The ones they were ready to devote their all to, only to leave them behind for something— someone better.
Itoshi Sae. Michael Kaiser. Reo hasn't interacted with them outside the field, but he has watched enough gameplays and interviews to grasp their surface personality and mannerisms.
Reo thinks he can replicate that, so he does.
And Oh, what a sight. He must have done a decent job, for Ness and Rin to look at Reo like he saved their lives and killed their family in one breath. Reo doesn’t remember much from that evening, intoxicated as he was, but those eyes, bewildered, angry, and pitifully hopeful, were burned into his memory.
By the following morning, the three of them had tacitly agreed to not bring up what happened again. Everything went on normally, and enough time passed that Reo almost forgot the incident ever happened.
Until one evening, he found Ness hiding in the bathroom.
The boy looks utterly shattered and Reo doesn’t have to ask why; they all saw what happened in the field earlier. They are not close, but Reo can’t help remembering that night they drunkenly spilled their vulnerabilities to each other and felt a sudden surge of empathy. We are the same, he thought, we can give and give and give, but we will never be enough.
He rubbed awkward circles into Ness’s back, trying his best to copy what Baya would have done for him whenever he was upset, so lost in thoughts that he almost missed Ness’s muttering.
“What?”
“I said”, Ness took a deep breath, “You can copy him, can’t you chameleon? You pulled off his speech habits and body language, so you must understand him to some degree. Can’t you tell what he’s thinking?” About me is left unsaid.
“That’s not how it works,” Reo shakes his head, “I can only mimic his habits on a surface level. I don’t know what’s on his mind at all.”
Ness stays silent for a few minutes, before opening his mouth and whispers.
“Can’t you just pretend?”
Reo blinked. They both understand what Ness is asking, understand what it implies, but Ness clearly needs the pain reliever— and god does Reo understand Ness’s desperation right now— so he nods.
It becomes some sort of weekly therapy session, except instead of healing wounds they festered them with morphine and saccharine make-believe. They get a little tipsy before each session, not enough to lose control of their actions, but just enough for a pleasant buzz to thrum through and ease some of the tension. Reo said all the things Ness likes to hear how Kaiser would have said it—from the tone, the word choice, the inflection, down to the smooth drawl of his voice, the languid smile, the annoyed huffs.
Good boy, Ness.
This is why you are my favourite.
Keep up, won’t you? I still need you around after all.
(A near-flawless imitation for most observers, but Ness knew it was a far cry from the real thing. Ness could find Kaiser even if he was tossed into a crowd with his eyes and ears cut off.)
But for now, it will do. The distinction is good. The distinction helps sober him up and soften the crash when he comes back to reality.
Somewhere along the way, they roped Rin into it too. Well, more like Rin found out and gave them one of his judgemental stares, so they convince him to join their group of pathetic obsessive fools with crippling abandonment issues. As expected, the latter put up resistance at first, but after attending a few of their sessions, shyly agreed to let Reo pet his hair as Sae.
Reo didn’t expect to care about them, but he does.
Rin is all sharp edges and biting words, but the way he subconsciously leans into Reo's—no, Sae’s— touches was adorable. It reminds him of Nagi. He glares at Reo with red-rimmed eyes like a hissy cat but melts almost instantly when he places his head on Reo’s lap. Poor, touch-starved boy, Reo muses, when was the last time you were held gently?
Ness was even worse. Whenever Rin makes a mean comment he would bite back twice as hard—and the shit he said was nasty— and Reo has to get between them to defuse the situation. Unlike Rin who lashes out at everyone like a wounded animal and Reo who practically wears his heart on his sleeves, Ness is a ticking time bomb. Uncomfortably sharp and perceptive, too, as expected of Bastard Munchen’s U-20 midfielder. It’s almost jarring to see him so docile in Kaiser’s— and by extension, Reo’s Kaiser— presence, practically eating off the palm of his hands even if it was but a delusion.
They were just like each other, under the layers of their flesh, deep in the marrow of their bones. Miserable fucks. Pitiful fucks. A camaraderie born from all the wrong reasons, but there’s an undeniable trust there, between the hours of catharsis and guilt.
Somewhere along the line, they had grown close enough to cuddle, limbs tangled and all. It was not sexual or romantic, but it was intimate and oh, he misses doing this with Nagi so so much. There were even sessions where he didn’t imitate anyone, and they just snuggled as Reo, Rin, and Ness.
Reo is not their person, but that was fine. His chameleon acting helps him feel needed, and that's all that matters.
If he could embody someone else, would Nagi want him again?
Reo still doesn’t know Kaiser or Sae on a personal level, but he has all their observable behaviours down to a tee. Moreover, after doing background research on them, Reo is confident he has a relatively decent grasp of their mindset as well.
“That’s…a little scary,” they said.
“Well, I am a Mikage. We are raised to be good at reading people. Part of being a businessman and all that.”
“You can’t seem to read your little treasure at all though,” Ness mutters under his breath. At Reo’s glare, he only lifts his eyebrows, “Listen, I think out of the three of us, you have the biggest chance here. Nagi said something mean to you like, one time, doesn’t leave to buy milk and never returns—yes Rin I’m talking about you, doesn’t throw water in your face or pull you by the hair, and above all, actually appreciates your skills. I don’t see him often but from the handful of times I do, he seems chill. He shows as much emotion as a slab of wood but he stares at you a lot, you know.”
Rin grunts and that is as close to an agreement as he can get. Ness doesn’t make it a habit to read people; frankly, he doesn’t give a shit about anyone but Kaiser, and Rin is even worse. However, they do have a begrudging soft spot for Reo. Reo may act like a depressed teenage girl when he talks about Nagi, but he is kind. He allows himself to be a substitute, a replacement, no question asked, and always does his best to give them a therapeutic experience.
He deserves a more gentle world. They all do.
Or maybe they don’t. Maybe they deserve what is coming for them. Even when discarded, they were still greedily lapping up that paper-thin illusion like parasocial leeches. Nagi didn’t owe them anything. Kaiser didn’t owe them anything. Sae especially didn’t owe them anything. They cling to that one-sided obsession all on their own while having the gall to play victims.
They’ll be damned if they let that stop them though, so they'll continue licking each other's wounds and push on.
(Perhaps they can find closure for real one day.)