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“I’ll take a Bud Light, thanks.”
“A Bud Light?” Jeff said to Abed, coating his words in a very blatant disgust. “All those options and you chose the crappiest beer? I pregamed some cheap stuff before I got here and even then, I was drinking way better than that.”
“I’m not picky about beers,” Abed replied, half-paying attention to Jeff’s snobbish dialogue.
“Yeah, I can tell,” Jeff quipped before talking to the bartender about what kind of liquor they carry. If Abed had to be honest, he doesn’t really wanna be here, yet he went to this stupid dive bar regardless of his better judgment. Classes have been rough and everything feels so bleak lately. Plus, he hasn’t really hung out with Jeff away from the study group in a while. Even if tonight sucks, at least he can say it was beneficial in the long run. A break from school (and the rest of the world, really) and a casual hangout with Jeff sounds like something fun he can tell people.
“So,” Jeff started, taking Abed’s attention away from studying the bar table’s wood grain pattern, “back to what I was saying: I’ve been really struggling with bettering myself physically. I mean, I eat well, I dress nice, but I just feel unsatisfied.”
“You look good.”
“Duh,” Jeff went on, “but I could look better. I don’t know if it’s just aging or what.” He sighed before taking a sip of his drink. “I bet this is way better than yours.”
“Probably,” Abed responded. He took a sip of his drink. “It’s just alcohol to me. I’ve never really been a fan."
“Yeah, yeah,” Jeff waved Abed’s words off. If Abed was trying to hide that he was half-heartedly listening to Jeff’s one-sided conversation, Jeff is flaunting the fact that he doesn’t care. “If I look good, and this is as good as it’s gonna get for me, why has my dating life been so bland lately? I’m off my game.”
Abed shrugged. “Maybe. Or maybe exam season has everyone having different priorities,” Abed suggested. Jeff sighed before taking another sip of whatever the hell he ordered.
“Maybe it’s my clothes,” Jeff mumbled. Abed was about to say that Jeff looks fine, but Jeff added, “I dress nice, but when compared to you, I’m Met Gala material.”
“Ouch,” Abed responded, not actually that upset over Jeff’s rude demeanor. It feels like he gets negative more and more every day.
“Man, I wish I was you sometimes. You’re single and you don’t care . You don’t feel the need to care so much about what you look like, because it doesn’t matter,” Jeff prattled. Abed fiddled with his glass of allegedly crappy beer as he awkwardly listened to Jeff’s unabashedly rude monologue.
If Abed were to tell the truth, he wasn’t totally single. I mean, he was right now, kind of, but he didn’t tell anybody that he was even in a relationship. It’s kind of hard to tell the study group that he’s dating anybody, let alone Troy, even if Annie secretly suspects that they are dating.
Abed’s never really been one to share all of his life. He has a life, and he does share it, but to lay out all of it like a new carpet has always felt risky. Anyone could step all over him, and if he has all his vulnerabilities out? Catastrophic. Despite this being his general rule, he broke it for Troy. He laid out his carpet as soon as he could get the chance to. He’s never been one to care about what other people think of him, but Troy didn’t judge him at all . It’s a breath of fresh air.
Despite Abed’s delusional thinking, he and Troy would fight, obviously. Although it was over inconsequential stuff, the worst part about laying down the metaphorical carpet is that any stain to it feels like an irreversible mark that will never leave no matter how much scrubbing he does. He can either roll the carpet back up or reluctantly embrace the stain, and he’s tried the former (spoiler alert: It made things worse).
It’s his fault for getting too attached. He just wishes it didn’t feel like he was getting ripped away from love whenever he and Troy would have even a slightly negative conversation..
“I just care about emotional stuff more than you in a relationship,” Abed commented. Jeff scoffed.
“Caring only about emotions is faker than caring only about looks.”
“I didn’t say I didn’t care about looks.”
Jeff didn’t respond and just shot down the rest of his drink.
Abed cared about looks, sure, but when it came to Troy, he was so amazing personality-wise that looks didn’t even matter. Obviously he’s gorgeous, but that’s just a bonus compared to how great he is.
God, Abed has to stop obsessing over Troy. He’s with Jeff right now. Focus on Jeff.
Abed looked at Jeff’s empty glass.
“Do you go here often?” Abed asked.
“No, but L Street was closed. This is the closest dive bar to Greendale,” Jeff explains, resting his elbows on the table.
“Do you go to bars often?” Abed followed up. He doesn’t really care about what bars Jeff goes to considering that he never drinks, but it’s much easier to talk about bars than Troy.
Jeff wasn’t even talking about Troy right now, focus on other things , Abed told himself.
Apparently while Abed was trying to quell his internal monologue, Jeff started talking, but Abed really only heard the last part, “... I’m not even an alcoholic. At least I think I’m not. I feel like I have this conversation with myself every month. I’m not an alcoholic, and if I was one, I would’ve been a regular somewhere by now.” Jesus, Jeff rambles when he drinks.
Abed didn’t really know how to respond, but he tried, “Does alcoholism run in your family?” Jeff sighed, looking a little awkward. “I think on my dad’s side. He loved to drink, but I don’t know if it was hereditary. God , I don’t know.” Jeff looked around the bar for the bartender. Abed didn’t know if it was to close out his tab or get another drink. Abed took another sip of his beer.
Troy’s probably at home right now watching TV in his pajamas. Either that or asleep with the TV not turned off.
He misses Troy.
He seemed to always miss Troy nowadays. He likes his friends and he likes his alone time, but Troy is different. He wants to spend all his time with him, but also not too much or Troy will see the stains on his metaphorical carpet, but also he doesn’t want to pull the carpet out because what if Troy was standing on the carpet this whole time?
Him and Troy got into an argument a week ago that has them on an awkward level in terms of their romantic relationship. It wasn’t even over anything that makes anyone look super bad, it was just insecurities bubbling up to the surface in the most explosive of ways. Troy hasn’t talked to Abed about what they are, and Abed’s too scared to ask what they are. Yes, the worst he can do is break up, but god. Abed doesn’t want that in a million years. Not when Troy’s on his mind looped for seemingly an eternity.
It’s definitely not healthy to think of Troy this much. Troy has a life outside of Abed, he can’t expect Troy to promise Abed to never leave, even if Troy leaving would prompt Abed to immediately jump off the Stratosphere Tower in Las Vegas. Troy is his own person, so is Abed.
Abed looks over at Jeff. This hangout has really been more of a one-sided conversation that Jeff is having with seemingly Abed, but the staring at the bottom of his own glass makes it hard to tell if Jeff was even talking to Abed or himself by now.
“Jeff, I think you should go home. I’m gonna go home in a while anyways,” Abed said. Jeff made a melancholy ‘whatever’ face before pulling out his phone, probably to call someone for a ride.
Abed looked at Jeff’s wandering hand that was still holding on loosely to his glass, and Abed looked back at his still half-full glass of beer. Or half-empty. Whatever it was, Abed moved it over.
The next time Abed saw the bartender walking over, he ordered a seven and seven.