Chapter Text
It shrieks when the knife goes in.
Sorry, buddy.
Nonetheless, she palms the pommel and grinds the blade down until she hears the rat bones splinter.
No more shrieking. She douses her fingers in the concoction, blood and earth. Pressing lines of it across her face, rolling over the freshly healed scars in her skin.
Harnesses of bone, airplane fragments, tools and trinkets. The bear pelt atop her head like a crown, partially obscuring her face. She wears it so he can feel safe when he sees her next. She needs to move now, before it's too late for him.
Her hand affectionately rests over her other faithful companion. The one strapped to the centre of her chest with climbing rope looped through its eye sockets, and a Wilderness symbol drawn on his forehead. She imagines the loyal skull would whisper a gentle 'it's time, Jackie'.
And it is.
Jackie Taylor emerges from the tree cave with her eyes focused ahead.
They took him, and she's going to get him back.
5 months earlier...
Mutiny, that seems like the right word.
Or at least, it's the closest word Jackie can think of in the moment. And fuck Shauna for being the one who taught it to her years ago, mid-rant about some stupid pirate lore in whatever dumb book her idiot nose was stuck in at the time.
Jackie's furious at her, obviously. Lip twitching irately as just the thought of her.
Her betrayer, the Brutus to her Caesar. The one who twists the knife, eyes black and hands red.
Et tu, Brute?
Nice. Real dramatic, Jax. This is totally not genuine fucking losergirl behaviour.
Shoes laden in dirt, sitting uncomfortably in a scratchy blanket, crusty jeans and varsity jacket. A varsity jacket that means absolutely nothing out here, by the way. Before her - a pathetic, dwindling fire - withering away as the night goes on.
She's their Captain. Or she was, once. Just as they were her team. Just as Shauna was her best-friend.
Gross. Her name tastes fucking gross, even in her head. Gross and blistering, putrid and rancid.
Mutiny. That's all it'll ever be.
Jackie's eyes flutter shut as she winces, thinking about last night. Doomcoming was meant to be a little relief for them all, but it's become the final nail in their collective coffin. No, actually - that's not entirely right. The final nail in the coffin was everyone siding with Shauna. The final nail was Shauna looking at her like that. It was what she said to Jackie, and how she said it. It's Jackie sitting here now, alone, shivering and hollow inside.
It's a mutiny, because they don't want her. Mutiny, because they hate her, because Shauna hates her. Because she doesn't contribute enough, because she slept with Travis, because she doesn't want to howl at the moon and having fucking orgies. Because she doesn't want to be here, with them.
Jackie crumbles inwards and hugs herself, seeing as nobody else will. When Jackie cries, she feels like that little girl she used to be, and she misses her. Milking a scraped elbow and whining until someone scoops her into their lap, complimentary juice-box and Hello Kitty bandaid at the ready.
She was simpler then. Now when she cries, she doesn't wail, she only whimpers. Even if she did wail, even if she was loud enough to get their attention - they wouldn't come for her - because if they wanted to, they would've been here already.
It's dark now.
It's so dark and her fire is dying, but she doesn't even think she has the will to stoke it. So she watches it fizzle and fade, embers floating up, joining the stars above. She wishes she could go with them. See the sky, feel the trees or whatever the fuck Lottie goes on about.
Only, she actually does hear a tree. More specifically, she hears a branch.
Crack.
Jackie jumps, glaring over the pitiful fire and into the vast, endless dark. Moonlight illuminates the backs of trees as she searches through them.
Another crack.
Jackie stands now, scanning through the murky shapes and woodland silhouettes. She thinks of that bear, the one that roamed right up to the cabin earlier. She wouldn't even have the time to scream if another came thudding over, hungry... and she wonders if she'd even try to stop it from killing her. It'd be no use anyway. Plus, the girls have already taken the life of one bear, so it only makes sense really. An eye for an eye, or whatnot.
Jackie sees a blur in the night air, but it doesn't have fur or teeth like daggers. It has clothes, human clothes, probably because it is a human. Their eyes connect, only for a moment, under a ray of moonlight between the trees. Jackie's lower lip quivers open, and her feet start moving. She knows this human.
"Javi." She barely whispers it before Javi's already turning, hurriedly running away from her. "Wait - " She rasps, glancing frantically back at the cabin, then back into the forest. Javi's been missing since yesterday and maybe, just maybe, she'll be able to bring something good back to the team. If they even let her in...
Nonetheless, Jackie's running. Blanket tugged hard over her shoulders as she blindly chases, through the trees, across the dirt. It's hard to see him. She only catches glimpses of his hair when the moonlight allows it. "Javi!" She shouts now, but he doesn't look back. Jackie's face creases as she strains, pushing harder, digging into the ground as she spirals after him. God, where the fuck is he taking her? "Javi! Fucking slow down, you dipshit!" Her breath is ragged in her lungs, grating through her throat.
She hasn't ran for this long in ages, not since they were all on the field, not since they were happy there. Jackie wonders if she'll ever feel that again.
Happy, with them.
Or with her.
With anyone.
She feels tears in the corners of her eyes again as she speeds after him. They slide off her face by the wind and speed, bounding after him, and - when did they get to the fucking lake?
"Javi, seriously - I'm not gonna hurt you - "
She actually gets a reply this time, up further ahead and just as breathless as she is.
"I saw what happened to Travis, they told me to run - "
He sounds desperately afraid, she even thinks she hears him crying, too, just as she is. The train of thought catches her off guard, and she realises she's been running slower. Javi becomes harder to see.
"I wasn't a part of that bullshit, I fucking helped Travis! Slow down, fuck -" She insists after him. It takes a moment of silence between them for Jackie to realise that Javi actually is slowing down. And thank god, because her thighs are burning from the exertion. Searing in agony, torn up from getting snagged on sharp plants and kicked up branches. He finally skids to a halt up ahead, but holds up a bloody hand in her direction.
"Don't come any closer, I'm serious." He warns, breathing hard, eyes frantic. As Jackie comes to stop near him, she realises Javi's got a bag, and it's oozing red, stinking of blood. Javi's follows her gaze and looks back at her. "It's meat, I - I found it by the cabin. Took some of the pelt, too."
"Javi." Jackie scolds, an angry crease in her brows. "That's from the bear Lottie killed. It's for everybody. You can't just steal from - "
"I'm not going back."
The sentence hangs bitterly in the air between them.
Jackie cranes her neck, mouth open as she glares into him.
"What?"
"I'm not going back, I don't - I don't belong there." He shakes his head, and tears fall down his cheeks when he does.
"Javi - "
"I won't! You can't make me!" Javi holds up a piece of the airplane, sharpened shrapnel, whittled down to a pointed shank. Jackie's eyes glint in the moonlight, fear behind them as she takes a cautious step back. "I don't wanna go back. I don't wanna see them, I - you saw them - they're crazy, Jackie." His hand is trembling against the shank, gripping so hard that Jackie thinks she sees it cut into his thumb. She extends her hands out, palms up, to show that she's unarmed and not up for a fight.
"Listen." She starts, her voice low and rasping. He shakes his head again, harder.
"No."
"Please, just - "
"I said no!" He bellows, storming towards her, shank first. Jackie backs away to give Javi enough time to slow down. "Did you think any of that was normal?"
"Well, I - I think that - "
"Answer." He demands breathily. Jackie feels her heels in a tree behind her. Nowhere to run. "Answer me." His voice breaks when he asks again, eyes are wild and red, hand still shaking. But not from the cold. No, she sees fear in his eyes. Unhinged and terrifying. "They were howling. Screaming like animals. They tore his clothes off and gagged him - "
"I know."
"They had a knife to his fucking throat - "
"I know!" Jackie shoots, finally gaining a slight upper-hand. Javi doesn't advance any further, because it's Jackie who moves again, towards the shank. "They... they did stuff to me, too..." Jackie has to pause as it comes rushing back to her, still so fresh in her mind. Her throat hurts again, squeezing and twisting in her neck. A strangling, aching pain in the centre of her chest that spreads all over.
Jackie rubs the back of her hand over her mouth anxiously as she thinks about it... the look in their eyes, the way they spoke to her... what they did to her. How they shamed her, how they handled her, how they hurt her, humiliated her, flaunting the blood on the back of her dress... the way they kissed Travis, the way Shauna kissed Travis... throwing her in the pantry, and locking the door, leaving her to rot, alone. Just like tonight - out in the cold, alone. Mutiny.
'You don't matter anymore.'
She wanted to fucking die when Lottie said it, and she wants to fucking die when she hears it back now.
"Jackie?" Javi's voice has gone softer, and Jackie realises she's started crying again. The shank is lower now, and the storm in his eyes appears to have quelled, if only for a moment of empathy.
"Sorry." Jackie exhales shakily, glancing up to the stars before wiping the tears off her face. It fucking hurts. It hurts so badly she could scream. Shauna, Jeff, everyone... gone. Lottie is right. She doesn't matter anymore.
"Look... they told me to run so I ran, okay? They didn't... they don't want me there." Javi murmurs, all defeated and quiet. Jackie nods feebly because she understands.
"They don't want me there either, Javi." It tumbles out in a frail whisper. Pathetic, she thinks. She's pathetic, and it's why she's weak. It's why they hate her. It's why they let her leave. It's why nobody came to comfort her, not even her.
"Is that why you were outside? Alone?" Javi asks gently. Jackie nods, ashamed to even look at him now. If she does, she'd notice the expression of realisation starting to spread in his face. "Jackie, I saw frost on my way here... you can't just sleep outside when it's - "
"Yeah, well - I'm not exactly gonna waltz back into the cabin with them any time soon now, am I?" Jackie bites back, visceral and sour. She paces slightly before him, eyes trained on the ground, kicking rocks like a petulant child. Javi tucks the shank away and wipes the blood off his hand.
"Look." His voice is firmer again, and he extends something else to her. Jackie doesn't look, still deep in thought and trying to force the stinging sensation out of her eyes. He moves at her quicker to get her attention and it works - she jolts, picturing the shank in her belly. But it isn't there, it's just his hand. A little nasty and covered in dry blood and dirt, but it's better than a weapon. "I found a place. You can come with me."
Jackie stares at the offer, looking between Javi's hand and his face for quite some time - eyes flickering, still blinking back tears.
"What place?" She asks in a harsh whisper. Her hand is already shivering up slightly, and Javi takes it, securing a handshake between them. Jackie glares at the gesture, then back up at him.
"Somewhere safe. Somewhere that isn't with them."
The handshake slides apart and they stand as separate entities again. Jackie feels her heartbeat careening in her chest. She looks behind them, searching for the candlelit glow of the cabin, but it's long gone... almost as if it was never there to begin with. They blew the candles out. They blew them out because they went to sleep. They went to sleep, and nobody came for her. They went to sleep, and they left her there. Shauna left her there.
It's all empty - the woods - empty and black. Hollow, just like her.
Javi pulls his bloodied backpack tighter over his shoulders, waiting patiently. Jackie tucks the blanket under her arm and sighs.
"Fine. Show me."