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Maybe he was born fucked in the head.
It feels likely. Would explain a lot, too, especially these last few days. Would explain now, most of all, because Jeff is dripping blood, hands slick with it, and he's standing in his baby brother's bedroom like a sick, monstrous thing, and maybe he's always been, you know?
He can't remember if that's true.
He can't remember being a kid, and looking at Liu like he's looking now- can't remember tasting embers in his gut, can't remember feeling like he's feeling, now. Wrong. Bad. Electric, in a way he thinks he might like.
Liu's eyes are fucking big. Huge in his head, terrified. That's the blood. That's the body of their parents, in the halfway, pooling red everywhere. That's him, face dripping and eyes unflinching, knife soaked in his hand.
"Jeff-" Liu croaks, and the fear makes Jeff's gut wrench. "Jeff, please-"
His face is wet. He's crying. Shaking, too, and Jeff wants to crawl into that shivering skin, and feel it shudder across his own.
He steps forward. Blood squelches. Liu flinches, breath pinching sharp , panicky. Jeff wonders if he'll piss himself out of fear. Laughs.
"Please," Liu repeats, fingers turning to claws at the headboard. "This isn't you. I- It'll be okay. Jeff. Jeff."
Jeff leans up. Crawls up the bed, and curls his hand around Liu's throat, and presses the knife to his jaw. Blood smears across his face.
Liu hiccups.
There's a lot of things in Jeff's head. There's the clawing of the thing that drove him to gut their parents, like a howling, incessant beast. And then there's something beside that, something that's probably been there for just as long, quiet and out of sight. He thinks, as he traces the knife across his baby brother's cheek, that he must have always looked at bit weirdly at Liu. They had been close, he thinks. Remembers. Liu had taken the fall for him, had cut his wrists and hands, all to keep him safe.
"Liu," he says, so close their breath mingle. "Do you love me?"
Liu blinks tears from his eyes. His Adam apple bobs beneath Jeff's palm.
"Of course I do, Jeff," he croaks, and tries for a smile. "It'll be okay, just put down the knife-"
Jeff does.
He puts down the knife, right into Liu's gut, sticks it in so deep he feels Liu's sleep-warm skin through his pyjama top.
Liu chokes. His eyes bug out. He makes a weird keening sound, all pain, and Jeff hums, puts his now free hand to Liu's cheek.
"I love you," he tells his baby brother, and then, because he can, because he wants to, kisses him.
It tastes like spit. Flesh, and blood. Liu makes a desperate sound into his open mouth, and Jeff laughs, pushes him back. Laughs again, when Liu hits his head, and crumples with a pained cry.
"Jeff-" Liu whimpers, voice wet and confused and hurt, and Jeff had liked killing his parents, had liked cutting their bellies open and listen to them choke on their own blood, but this feels special.
"Liu," he echoes back, and tugs Liu's pyjama bottoms down. Giggles at the patterned boxers, and pokes the outline of his dick.
Liu sobs. His legs twist, kick, but they're trapped in his pyjama bottoms, and also there's a knife in his gut, so it's more annoying than actually bothersome, but still. Jeff pinches the pale flesh of his inner thigh, frowns at him.
"Hey," he snaps, and Liu goes still. "Don't try anything. You love me, right?"
Liu looks at him.
His eyes are wide, and starting to glass. His mouth is open, and terrified gasps leave him, his chest heaving with every pant. Terror sits so openly in his face, naked and raw, and Jeff has to kiss him again, just to get a taste of its spit-slick sweetness.
Liu whimpers. Jeff curls their tongues together, and suck.
Fucked in the head, he thinks, and lays a palm on Liu's covered crotch. Since birth.
He giggles. Laughs, when he leans back again, spit sticking to their lips, briefly keeping them linked. It smears across their cheeks. Is tinted pink.
"I don't want to die," Liu says, eyes blown with what's probably a really unhealthy mix of shock, terror, and pain. Maybe arousal too, if Jeff works hard at it, and the thought makes his fingers curl.
Liu hisses, flinches into closing his eyes. Tears slide down his face. Maybe he'll die, before Jeff even gets where he's going. Maybe he's dying right now, from nothing more than a little knife wound.
"Not yet," Jeff reassures him. "You're not dying yet, baby brother."
For some reason, that makes Liu sob again. His body shakes with the gasping sound, shudder. Jeff hasn't even touched his dick, and he's already falling apart.
"Please," Liu mumbles, head canting, shoulders shaking. He's all tension. His stomach flexes. " Please, Jeff- don't."
Well. No. No, Jeff won't not. Liu can't tell him what to do. Liu can't sit there, shiny with pain and hurt, and not- not let Jeff take what he wants. What is there, hungry, in his gut. What's been there, since he went to kill his brother, slick with their parents blood, and found hunger . Felt his own cock twitch in his pants, felt something vicious bleed out of him.
"No, " he snaps, and snatches Liu by the jaw. He flinches, but there's nowhere to go, so it's just a shudder against Jeff's palm, and good. "I can do what I want, Liu."
He tastes bleach. Smoke, fire.
"And I want you."
He squeezes his other hand. The one still on Liu's crotch, and Liu's legs spasm, fear swimming to the surface of his eyes, but fear is pretty, on him. Sits good.
He smiles. Is always smiling, now, but he puts meaning into it. Widens it, so it's unmistakable.
"And you love me, don't you?"
Liu doesn't shake his head. Doesn't say no. Doesn't do anything but look, shaking like a sick dog, as Jeff finally pulls Liu's underwear down, too.
He's not hard, which is not surprising, but disappointing. Jeff tuts at it, and takes it in hand. Gives it a stroke, and feels his brother shiver.
"Not excited to see me?" he asks, laughs when Liu's expression briefly twists into disgust. "Don't worry. It can fix that, if you want."
That makes Liu shake his head, at least. Jeff laughs, because he's all tucked down into himself, and he looks young, younger than he is, like they're six-seven, and Liu's burger has pickles on them, and Jeff has to remove them, please?
He thumbs at the slit of Liu's forehead. Curls his fingers around the head, and hums, absent, as he considers this.
"I guess you'd rather I hurry up?" he flicks a finger at the slit. Feels Liu jump, but doesn't bother looking.
The blood is starting to dry. The roaring, the baying, is growing in noise. They're twisting together, mixing up, and it's hard to care if Liu is enjoying this. If he gets it. If it matters.
Fucked in the head, he thinks, and laughs, so loud it scrapes across his teeth, comes out red and black and wrong .
Jeff drops his hand. The one on Liu's jaw. Drops it down, and catches him by the front of his pyjama shirt, and wrenches. Doesn't care that the knife might go deeper, as he turns Liu over, and pins him to the bed with ruthless efficiency.
Liu screams.
Jeff pushes down his bottoms. He's leaking, the front of his underwear sticky, but it doesn't matter if it stings a bit, as he frees himself. Doesn't fucking matter, because his heart is thundering, and Jeff's fucked in the head.
Liu's still screaming.
Jeff spreads his ass cheeks. Presses his thumb into the tight muscle of Liu's sphincter, and the scream takes on a desperate edge that wasn't there before, which! Fun!
Jeff laughs. Drapes himself across Liu's back, and bites down on his shoulder, hard enough to break skin.
His finger pops in.
Liu howls.
"Jeff!" Liu screams, and oh, he's sobbing, wailing even, every breath a hitching thing. "Jeff, please, please, don't-"
Jeff tears himself back. Feels skin ripping, teeth catching and taking, and the scream pitches right into dog noises, all white noise, and Jeff howls with laughter, as blood drips down his face, as his thumb tugs his baby brother's ass open.
He gets his other hand, his free one, on himself. Pumps himself slick with blood, and groans as the burning in his gut eases. Not enough to quell it, or to even touch its flames, but enough for him to realise how hard he is. How much he wants this, how much he wants Liu, and he laughs, laughs until he nearly feels faint from it, because yeah- fucked in the head. Fucked in the head, alright.
He doesn't bother with prep.
Doesn't care, because it won't matter in the end, so he just pushes himself fucking in, one long thrust, and somehow, Liu's screams double in effort, and wow, Jeff had thought him fucking mute by now.
Liu claws at the sheets. Howls and screams and begs, all of it white noise. Red bleeds across his shoulders. Up his neck, down his back. Jeff puts both hands on his hips, and pulls him up a bit, gives himself a better angle.
There's no word for it, other than fucking.
Jeff fucks his baby brother's open maw, fucks his ass and tears him open, pulls out blood at every sharp, brutal, thrust. Doesn't care, when it slicks warm between them. Doesn't care, when Liu's voice fades away, and the only sound is quiet, halting sobs, and his own grunts as he fucks his brother's hole.
As his gut tightens, as his breath grows hard, heavy, he feels around. Finds the handle of his knife, and slides it out, slow, purposeful. Thrusts in, dick, knife, and feels his eyes flutter, as Liu's voice pitches just so.
"Stop," he pleads, voice ragged, torn. "Jeff-"
The knife slips out. His dick thrusts back into the tight, broken, heat. So does the knife.
Liu gags.
Clenches down on him, muscles flexing, and the orgasm punches Jeff blind. The knife stutters in his hand. He stops, mouth falling open, a groan keening from his chest. He comes so hard his vision bleeds white.
Bends himself in half, and clings to Liu, gasping and moaning and shaking, shuddering apart. Liu sobs beneath him, these quiet little wails that makes his gut ache, that’d make him hard all over if he wasn’t so fucking spent.
He turns his face. Mouths at Liu’s neck, at the place where he tore of a strip of flesh, licking up his own spit and Liu’s nectar-sweet blood, and his hand finds the knife once more, finds it and curls tight.
“I love you,” he says, means it.
Liu doesn’t answer. He just keeps on crying.
That’s okay. Even now, spent and shaken, he still knows what he must do- what’s required of him. He smiles, kisses little red spots all along Liu’s neck, the arch of his back, and then he digs the knife to the side, and cuts.
Liu screams.
Liu screams, screams, so loud it makes Jeff’s own ears ring, and it’s impressive, the way he can still howl, after all the ways he’s already done it. But Jeff is cutting his stomach open, is spilling guts and viscera all over the bedsheets, and he hushes his baby, mouths at his nape.
“It’s okay,” he murmurs, as the knife finishes its journey across Liu’s stomach. “It’s okay, baby brother, it’ll all be over real soon.”
He rocks against his brother. Lets himself do it, because he’s still inside of Liu, and every spasm he makes sends little jolts of electricity up Jeff’s cock, makes his mouth salivate.
“I love you,” he repeats, again, again, as Liu bleeds out beneath him. As his own dick grows hard again, little by little, as his rocking becomes more focused, more demanding. “I’ve always loved you, Liu, did you know that?”
He lets go of the knife. Presses his blood-soaked palm to Liu’s open wound, and slips his fingers inside. It’s so hot, in there. Inside his brother.
“Always, always- I just never realised it, Liu. Never saw what I had, right in front of me, but I do now. I promise. I love you, Liu, and I’m sorry I never told you.”
He buries his face in sweat-soaked skin. Breathes in. Twists his fingers in slick viscera, and fucks his baby brother hard, fast, blood shiny between them.
“I love you. I love you. I love you.”
He keeps going. Keeps going, even as Liu never answers, as everything bleeds into a blur, until he comes again, filling his brother, spilling over torn edges. And then he pulls out, shaky, uneven. Kisses the cooling back of his brother’s neck, and smiles against it.
“Sleep tight, Liu.”