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“He told me I’m loud. Can you believe it? Me? Loud. He should first look at himself.”
Jongho tries to focus on Wooyoung’s words but it’s hard, considering they’re sitting at the bar of a packed club, the music so loud it makes it difficult for him to understand anything a person literally in front of him is saying.
Also, maybe he’s drunk. He’s not sure yet. Perhaps he started drinking before even coming here, because Wooyoung told him he needed to go out to let out some sad thoughts. He didn’t specify what it was about, but Jongho knew it would have only taken a few drinks to spill out everything. He also knew this was about Hongjoong because of fucking course it was.
Wooyoung has a crush on Hongjoong. Hongjoong likes Wooyoung too but he’s too stubborn to show any interest towards him, so for years Wooyoung has been convinced Hongjoong hates him. Wooyoung, to get back at him, also claims he dislikes Hongjoong, despite the opposite being very obvious to everyone around them. Jongho, being friends with both of them, has to listen to them complain about each other, but also, being a good friend, he can’t say anything on the lines of “just shut up, kiss and get together”. Jongho is also very, very fed up with all of this. Well, at least he’s drinking, and at least Wooyoung is paying for all of his drinks.
Even though he considers himself to be a good drinker, it has come to a point where even Jongho is feeling a little tipsy. It certainly doesn’t help that they’ve moved through different bars, went on a drinking tour throughout the whole night, now ending up in a dimly lit pub, with a couple of beers in front of them, as Wooyoung keeps spitting out about his weird whatever-he-has-going-on with Hongjoong. This talk about their endless unresolved sexual tensions between them has been going on for the whole night, and Jongho is tired of having to listen to him.
“Are you in love with him?” he asks, trying to get a sip of his beer, but his movements are so messy he struggles to find his own mouth.
“What?” Wooyoung shouts, offended as if Jongho just insulted his mother. “What the fuck? No, I’m not!”
Jongho massages the bridge of his nose. The music in this bar is awful and way too loud for his taste. So he leans towards Wooyoung, trying to talk to him as closely as possible, without having to shout at him.
“Okay listen,” he starts. To be fair, he doesn’t even know to what conclusion he’s heading with this speech. He just wants Wooyoung and Hongjoong to get along (and also kiss after that). And if he has to be brutally honest with one of them, then so be it. “You love spending time with him. You always complain when he’s going out with other people and he doesn’t put you first. You understand each other. You like him, you’re attracted to him and you don’t stop talking about him. You like everything about him, like name one thing you don’t like about Hongjoong! Cause I know you can’t. And you know why? Because you’re down bad for him. You’re obsessed, and you love him and you’d do anything for you. So maybe take that phone out now and tell him directly, because I’m pretty sure he’s in love with you too!”
Jongho stops talking. Not because he’s done with the little speech, but because he might have just realized something about himself.
“Oh my god,” he whispers under his breath. “Oh… oh shit.”
Jongho stands up all of a sudden, under Wooyoung’s confused stare.
“What?”
“Nothing I just- I need to call someone.”
Jongho grabs his coat hastily and starts walking towards the exit. He doesn’t have time for explanations now. This is an emergency.
Wooyoung’s jaw drops dramatically. “Right now?”
Jongho is already walking away from him, but still decides to turn back because even if he’s drunk, he still has some sense left to know that ditching your friend like this is not a nice thing to do at all.
“Right now!” He insists. He hopes Wooyoung will forgive him one day. “I’m sorry! You can use my card for the taxi home, I know you have it anyways!”
Nothing more to say, Jongho is out.
The night is chill, with the soft breeze making Jongho shiver even inside his coat.
He takes out his phone with trembling cold hands, finally dialing the number of the person he’s been thinking about all this time. He knows he would have never done it if he was sober, but the best thing about being drunk is that he feels invincible now.
It’s only after a few rings that he picks up. Yeosang’s voice comes out confused, probably because it’s 1 am, and Jongho has never called him this late.
“Jongho?”
“Hi, gorgeous.”
A moment of silence passes. Jongho doesn’t know why he said that. Probably because he thinks that Yeosang is gorgeous and he has never had the chance to tell him that.
“What?” Yeosang sounds even more lost than before. “Are you okay?”
“Yeah, I just had a few drinks with Wooyoung,” Jongho mumbles, looking back at the pub. He feels bad for ditching Wooyoung but whatever, he’ll be alright without him. “But I’m fine, really. I just missed you a lot and I want to see you.”
Yeosang doesn’t reply to that, but he doesn’t hang up either, so Jongho keeps insisting, hoping it’s making it clear how desperate he is to talk to him. “Right now.”
“At 1 am?”
Jongho shrugs, aware that Yeosang can’t see him, he just thought that question was stupid. “I always want to see you.”
He hears Yeosang sigh loudly and for a moment he feels bad for insisting so much. Perhaps he’s being a bit demanding and he’d hate it if anyone else took advantage of Yeosang’s kindness like that. He’s not thinking straight, but he really, really wants to see him.
Right when he’s about to apologize and take back everything, Yeosang speaks to him again:
“Look- Do you need a ride? Are you sure you can come by yourself?”
Jongho understands why Yeosang is concerned, after all this is pretty unusual of him. Still, he’s 100% sure that next to Yeosang is where he wants to go next tonight. He does a little victory jump when he realizes Yeosang didn’t say no to him.
“So… Can I come by?”
One last stop to end this crazy night. Jongho wants to see him more than anything.
He hears Yeosang sigh again.
“Alright. But please take an uber or something, I don’t want you to walk alone at this hour,” he continues. “Are you really sure you’re fine?”
Jongho grins, raising his head to look at the pitch black night sky. “Never been better.”
Jongho ends up taking an uber, as Yeosang suggested. Even though Jongho would have considered it a waste of money, since Yeosang’s apartment is just fifteen minutes away by foot, he saw some positives in going by car: 1, it would make Yeosang less concerned and 2, it means less time until he sees Yeosang.
Jongho constantly keeps him updated with texts, tapping his foot in excitement and humming a love song he has heard somewhere once while he waits in the car.
“Going to see someone special?” the uber driver asks him, noticing his very obvious happy demeanor.
“The most special,” Jongho replies with a grin. He feels on the top of the world.
Jongho rushes inside the building when he arrives, almost tripping in the process. The ten seconds inside the elevator seem infinite. Once he’s finally reached his destination, he takes a deep breath and presses the doorbell.
Yeosang opens the door after two seconds. As soon as Jongho sees him, wearing his pajama and with his messy hair, no makeup on and an understandable confused frown on his face, he can’t help but beam.
“Hey,” Jongho’s face is hurting from how hard he’s smiling. “I think I’m kinda in love with you.”
Yeosang stays at the door, staring at Jongho with no readable expression. The love confession Jongho just busted out is followed by three seconds of devastating, awkward silence.
“What?” Yeosang says, not moving from his spot behind the front door of his place.
“Okay uhm…” Jongho stops smiling, suddenly aware of how absurd this whole situation is, especially in Yeosang’s point of view. “I’m sorry it was very abrupt, I shouldn’t have come here at 1 am. I just-”
“It’s not about the time! It’s about- '' Yeosang shouts in exasperation, but stops once he realizes that it’s the middle of the night and there are other people living in the complex that would not like to be woken up but their loud neighbor. So when he speaks again, his tone is much lower and automatically much softer. “What the hell did you just say to me?”
“Oh yeah, that I love you? I came here to tell you that,” Jongho says. “I was at the bar, talking to Wooyoung about his disastrous love life, you know, and just had this… big epiphany about you. Well, about me, mostly. And I thought: I don’t want to be like Wooyoung, always waiting ages to confess to someone he likes, so I wanted to tell you right away!”
“Couldn’t you tell me on the phone? Or at least wait till tomorrow?”
“Oh come on, it’s not the same thing!”
Yeosang narrows his eyes. “Jongho, are you drunk?”
“Pfft, no?” Jongho tries to shrug his unusual behavior off, but one harsh look from Yeosang is enough to make him rethink his words. “Okay, a bit, yeah. But- but I’m okay really! I’ve sobered up already!”
“Of course you’re drunk,” Yeosang sighs, looking almost disappointed. Jongho is about to say sorry to him, but Yeosang is quicker to speak. “Please come inside,” he says, finally opening the door wide to make Jongho enter. “Before I get an eviction note tomorrow for loud noises during sleeping hours.”
Jongho walks inside slowly, almost feeling embarrassed. He knows Yeosang is not happy, and he sees why. He realizes how dumb he’s been, thinking coming here in the middle of the night, bursting out of an unforeseen love confession was a good idea to begin with.
Yeosang closes the door behind him, and once he turns around Jongho can see he’s keeping his head low. As he guessed, Yeosang is not pleased in the slightest.
“Are you mad at me?” Jongho asks attentively, in a small voice.
“I’m not mad at you, it’s just-” Yeosang doesn’t get loud, he doesn’t lash out at him. As always he’s being polite and kind with his words, despite the crazy situation. Jongho has always liked that part of him, but only this once he wishes Yeosang could get angrier at him. “It’s just… I don’t want you to say that…”
“You don’t like me back? Because it’s okay if you don’t. I wouldn’t get angry, you know that.”
“It’s not that either,” Yeosang replies quickly, while crossing his arms in front of him. “What am I supposed to think? You come here in the middle of the night after getting drunk and you say you’re in love with me out of nowhere?”
For a second Jongho doesn’t register that Yeosang has basically just confirmed that he likes him back. But he forgets the excitement right away, when he understands why Yeosang is actually angry with him right now.
“You think I’m lying to you?” Jongho exclaims in shock. “But I do like you, I really do!”
He knows he’s becoming whiny, and he hates that. He hates sounding desperate, he hates coming off as childish but the thing he hates the most is being vulnerable in front of others. But Yeosang is the exception. There's no one else in the world that understands him more than he does. And they’ve known each other for so long, Jongho is sure Yeosang doesn’t feel weirded out by this part of him. So if there’s anyone that deserves seeing him stripped out of any confidence and calm demeanor that characterizes him in his daily life, and let him freely transform into a man who’s so pathetically in love with his best friend, that’s Yeosang.
“I want to be with you, I’ve wanted that for ages,” Jongho goes on. “I’ve just been so focused on studying and my stupid problems to ever consider dating a priority! But then I thought, who was the person who has been with me through all of my university years, who is so supportive and helpful, on top of being the most beautiful, smartest and funniest person I know, who just clicks with me in the most natural way? Who’s the only person I want to be with? You’re the fucking love of my life, dude!”
Yeosang’s mouth opens for a moment in shock upon hearing those words, but he closes it right away. Jongho knows he’s never been good at receiving compliments or words of love. Yeosang is that type of person that looks like he never cares when others tell him how amazing or good-looking or incredible he is. But, unfortunately for him, Jongho knows him too well to fall for that façade. So even though Yeosang tries to keep it cool, Jongho knows he’s being affected by his words. He deduces it from the way Yeosang keeps his arms crossed in front of his chest, but his body is stiff and his hands are gripping at his biceps tighter than usual.
“You’ve never even asked me out on a date,” Yeosang mutters, voice so soft and low that Jongho had to stop himself from cooing at it because of how cute it was.
Jongho automatically looks down, probably a bit embarrassed by that too.
“I’m sorry. The only excuse I can think of is, you know me.” He hopes it’s enough of an explanation. “I can’t just ask you out on a date. I’m too shy for that. But I can do it now. Yeosang, please, I love you, will you go on a date with me?”
“No,” surprisingly, Yeosang replies quicker than what he expected. Jongho takes a step back, surprised by it. His tone has also shifted to a colder, more stern one. “But you can ask me again tomorrow when you’re sober. And maybe I’ll say yes.”
“Oh my god, I will! I promise!”
Yeosang leaves right after that (probably trying to hide the fact that he’s blushing furiously, Jongho knows him too well). At least now Jongho now understands what the problem is. He whines loudly, following Yeosang when he goes towards his bedroom.
“I told you I’m being honest about it!” If he has to insist for hours to convince him then so be it.
Yeosang moves to his bedroom to prepare for bed, clearly focused on not listening to anything Jongho has to say next.
“Maybe I’m drunk but this doesn’t mean I’m not being honest about my feelings for you,” Jongho tries again, but all he receives from Yeosang is a devastating silent treatment. So he groans and falls with his back on Yeosang’s bed, suddenly feeling the tiredness taking over his body.
Jongho realizes only now that he still hasn’t taken off his coat and his shoes ever since he entered the apartment. He takes them off now, but decides to sleep with the clothes he was wearing.
While Yeosang is locked inside the bathroom to wash his face and brush his teeth, Jongho makes sure to stay on the side of the bed that he knows Yeosang doesn’t use. He thinks Yeosang has silently accepted to let him stay here for tonight. After all, it wouldn't be the first time he sleeps here.
When Yeosang comes out of the bathroom he stays silent, after noticing Jongho is already laying on his bed. He walks slowly towards the edge of the mattress and sits on it, keeping his back towards Jongho.
“I don’t want you to play with me,” Yeosang says. “I’m serious. So don’t tell me things you’re going to regret saying tomorrow.”
“And I’m serious too,” Jongho tells him again, this time in his most decided, serious tone. “Look, I’ll tell you again tomorrow, if it’s what it takes for you to believe me. I love you, whether I’m drunk or sober.”
Yeosang still doesn’t look satisfied with that. Jongho notices that, from the way he keeps his back to him, preventing him from seeing his face. He wonders what face Yeosang is making right now. Maybe he’s nervous, or disappointed, or sad. He hopes with all of himself it’s not the last one.
“You still don’t believe me,” Jongho says, moving his arm towards Yeosang sloppily in an attempt to reach him. He miscalculated the distance at which Yeosang is keeping away from him, because he’s not able to do that, so his arm only stays aimlessly stretched towards him on top of the covers. “Why don’t you kiss me?”
At that Yeosang finally turns around to look at him. For a second it looks like he’s considering it. His lips part as if to say something, but he shuts them quickly.
“No,” Yeosang replies. “I don’t kiss drunk people.”
Jongho rolls his eyes. “Fine. Then, will you kiss me tomorrow? Promise?”
He watches Yeosang look at him for a second but Yeosang is the one that loses the eye contact battle. Instead he sighs and falls on the bed right next to Jongho.
“Okay,” Yeosang mumbles. “Whatever.”
Silence falls and Jongho shifts to his side so he can look at Yeosang better from this position. He can feel his eyelids starting to get heavy and tries to suppress a yawn with no success. Yeosang doesn’t turn his head towards him, he just keeps laying on his back with his eyes closed.
“You’re so beautiful,” Jongho whispers to him right after he’s finished yawning. He’s admiring Yeosang’s side profile, the birthmark next to his eye in full view. He feels the sudden urge to kiss it but stops himself. “And I don’t mean as in you’re good looking. I mean, of course you’re good looking, but I mean it as I've never met anyone else like you. I don’t think I ever will, honestly. And if there’s a word that would perfectly describe you, that’s beautiful.”
It’s only now that Yeosang opens his eyes and turns his head to look at Jongho, so that they’re facing each other.
“I think you’re beautiful, too.” Yeosang briefly smiles at him, but long enough for Jongho to catch it and feel warm inside at the sight of it.
Jongho feels shy all of a sudden, so he hugs the pillow under his head, burying half of his face in it so that Yeosang can’t see him smile back.
“Also, you’re very sexy,” Jongho mumbles against the soft fabric of the pillow. “And cute.”
Yeosang giggles at that. If Jongho wasn’t on the verge of falling asleep right now he would have probably added his laugh is the most beautiful sound he’s ever heard too.
“Do you like sexy Yeosang or cute Yeosang more?”
In the semi-darkness of the room, Jongho simply stares at him for a long second. Because really, he thinks the answer to that is pretty obvious.
“I like any Yeosang.”
Perhaps he underestimated how tired he was because that’s the last thing Jongho remembers saying that night. It doesn’t take long for his eyes to close and for his mind to start wandering in the realm of dreams. He dreams about Yeosang and really, he thinks he couldn’t have asked for a better way to end this night.
The next day, once Jongho assures him he’s sobered up completely, he tells Yeosang he loves him again. Yeosang finally agrees to believe him. Jongho gets a muttered, shy ‘I love you too’ back.
The next day they both keep their promises: Yeosang gets to be asked out on a proper date (to which he says yes) and Jongho gets a kiss from the boy of his dreams.