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Your damn hands wouldn’t stop trembling.
Hastily you typed in the frequency of Palpatine’s personal comlink. Doing everything to ignore that there were bodies strewn about the room. Never had you seen Anakin in action before. It was so easy to see him as a warrior, a hero, but the way he slaughtered the room in moments was almost beyond your comprehension. It happened so fast, with so little resistance, you were suddenly made aware how easily he could kill you.
He had no reason to, you being Palpatine's attendant secretary for years. It was that he could, and it could happen in a split second. The bodies. You’d never seen so many dead before. Everything in the room was silent as the graveyard he made it, Anakin walking casually about the room, his eyes on the large windows displaying the hellish volatile planet of Mustafar.
After all the trouble of trying to calm yourself and focus on linking up with the frequency, it came to a pause. You were put on hold. Frustratingly, you rolled your eyes and sighed. Waiting patiently for Palpatine to hurry up and say you could return to Coruscant and forget this sight. Forget this Darth Vader. Maybe you could go back to your daydreams of Anakin you’d been holding in for years. When his gaze was soft and his voice softer. How he’d always politely talk to you when the Chancellor and Obi-wan took up the room, leaving you both to steal away in front of those grand windows, a world of your own. What you would give to go back to that.
All the hair on your neck rose to attention. As soon as you realized how close he had come up to you, you froze and began to sweat, hoping with all your heart he would keep walking. He didn’t. Anakin- Darth Vader, as he was now called, loomed above you and your back became hot and stiff with anxiety.
A pressure came to your shoulders, encased them. His hands, one hot as the magma pools outside, the other cold as ice, gripped you in place. He drew in close, his voice a soft rasp as he spoke though all was quiet now. “I can feel your fear.”
Your hands were clenched, willing yourself to breathe through the panic locking you up. “I assure you,” Your voice as well, was trembling pathetically. “my feelings will not get in the way of my work.”
“Have I changed so much?” The way you curled away from his hot breath on your neck was involuntary but he held you in place. Easily. You’d never felt so small. Those venomous yellow eyes were boring into you, a shiver running down your spine. “Only the night before did I sense your adoration.”
So he did know of your infatuation. He never hinted, just let you get comfortable with his courtly politeness. A flush of embarrassment mixed with your fear and you were paralyzed from saying anything. Anakin squeezed you back into his chest, nearly embracing you. Caging you is what it felt like. His mouth was so close you could feel the touch of his lips against your burning ear as he seethed. “You think I’m a monster, don’t you? Because my power is no longer bound by the leash of Jedi philosophy? Tell me, what is there to be afraid of?” You could feel him tense his jaw, sucking in a sharp breath before he demanded from you, “Why don’t you still love me?”
He was right. You saw him as a monster but how would it save you to admit it? How would it save you to lie? Could he detect lies before, could he now? All you could do was fall back on flattery and obedience. “You are my Lord and my Commander. My feelings are irrelevant.”
After a long painful pause, you could feel him scoff, a puff of air down your cheek. “At least you’re honest.”
He forcefully pushed you away, catching yourself on the console. Left with tears in your eyes, left to watch him walk away as if you were no more significant than a mouse. A flicker of blue grabbed your attention and quickly you straightened yourself as the visage of Palpatine appeared on the holocam, his cloak covering most of his mutilated face. “It is done, Chancellor. The Separatists are no more.”
“Good.” Slowly, a smile began to grow on his phantom face. “And how are you fairing?”
Why was he asking? He never cared for your input before. You glanced back at Vader thinking he might have meant to address him, but he had left the room. “I am well. The war has finally come to an end.”
“You sound frightened.”
“I’m not accustomed to a battlefield, sir.” Calling it a battlefield was a mockery. It was a slaughterhouse. It smelled like a slaughterhouse. “It is nothing for you to worry about.”
He gave a dragging hum. “Per the Senates urging, I am now Emperor of the new Empire. That leaves you in an awkward position, as there is no longer a Chancellor.”
You took back in confusion. “You no longer have need of my services?”
“Oh you are an exceptional employee, but I will be in need of new staff for new purposes.” He explained, and yet there was this hint of- was it mockery? Toying? He sounded amused by his own words. “I hate to see you go to waste. I give you over to Darth Vader.”
Your heart dropped. This Darth Vader wasn’t kind or gentle as Anakin had been. Yet what could you do? It wasn’t beyond you that if someone refused the Chancellor enough times, they went missing and were replaced with someone more subservient. You always hoped it was never the worst possibility, now you couldn’t imagine it as anything but. With your heart in your throat, you bowed to the hologram. “You honor me, Emperor.”
“Return to Coruscant. I have a ship waiting for him. Soon we will be given names of those who escaped their execution order-” He smiled widely, “and the hunt will begin.”
When you came back up, it flickered off. Looking about the room, your hands unconsciously came up and covered your painfully racing heart, as if to protect it from any further fright. Taking in a steady breath, you moved around the room, the corpses, and followed where you believed Vader had gone. Back out to the ship pad.
Even with the heat regulators protecting the area, stepping out of the building caused your skin to sting and your throat to instantly dry, coating it in the metallic taste of the atmosphere. On uneasy footing, you made your way down the walkway to the ship pad, bearing above a river of rushing molten lava.
Vader was standing there at the mostly empty pad, staring up at the sky of churning black clouds. Timidly, you stopped at a distance from him, not saying a thing as you were trying to find the courage to admit what the Emperor would have of you.
“What did he say?”
He hadn’t looked back at you, still staring up. Creator’s be damned, your voice was still trembling. “He has a ship for you on Coruscant, to begin the hunt of the remaining… fugitives.”
You couldn’t bring yourself to call them traitors. So many of them you had known and spoken with, you were there in that room when Mace Windu and Palpatine had fought, and you watched Anakin turn from a young man distraught with indecision, to something inhuman. The instant he rose to his feet, unrecognizable to the man you’d known him to be, you wished Mace had won that fight. Had the Force been kind, he would have.
Maybe Anakin- Vader, had sensed some discomfort in you, maybe it was just the silence, but he looked over his shoulder, peering at you. And to your horror, the yellow of his gaze was gone. “Anything else?”
“And that-” You swallowed down your frayed nerves, bewildered. “you will be in need of your own attendant. That I’ve been transferred to your employment.”
The smile in his eyes moved to the rest of his face, softly laughing to himself as he turned his look back to the sky. It almost felt like you had imagined it, but no, his predatory yellow stare had frightened you horribly. That fear, the physical change about him was visceral and real. A moment passed before he sighed. “Come along then. Obi-wan isn’t coming.”
Darth Vader started walking forward toward his personal ship, startling you into catching up, not wanting to be left behind on this terrible place.
As you entered the ship, you kept your head bowed, taking the seat nearest to the door and falling into it, exhausted by all this. The only relief to be had was when the ship door closed and the heat was instantly cut off.
With some minor turbulence, the ship breached the atmosphere and sailed smoothly into the starry void. Moments later, the hyperdrive was warmed up and the windows were streaked with an explosion of shifting blue and white lines.
There was only the hum of the engine for a long while. Neither of you having moved beyond him getting comfortable in his seat.
You couldn’t stop it. Everything was burning from all that you witnessed, all the fear, the loss, just the scent of Mustafar clinging to your clothes. No matter how quickly you blinked, the tears were welling and not going away. It was all so overwhelming. They began to fall and you covered your face, unable to hold back the sob that cracked through your chest. The act itself was making you panic more. Instead of him saying anything, you startled when you felt the air shift. How could he walk so quietly? Instinctively, you scooted away from Vader looming before you. “I’m sorry-”
He gently hushed you, reaching out. “It’s alright.” Sitting down in the spot you opened, he brushed away the wetness of your cheek. “Why don’t you tell me what’s wrong?”
“I just- I’ve never-” You were still trying to cover your face, unable to control the tears and small sobs from spilling over.
“War is like that.” He took your hands in his. You watched how he brought them to his chest, warm and firm in his embrace. Trying to calm the rush, you breathed slowly. He was smiling gently, those deep blue eyes roaming your face. It was burning you up being so close, touching him, being under that familiar gaze. “Hopefully now, with the great Empire in place, you won’t ever have to see something like that again.”
Don’t forget, you pleaded with yourself. Don’t forget that terrible creature lurking under his skin. If you forget, you’ll be lost.
Questions nipped at you, wondering what was going through his mind. Did he feel anything for what he'd done? Had war brought this out of him or had he always been comfortable with killing? Had he always wanted to look at you like this? He looked so much like the Anakin you knew. It wasn’t fair, your whole body warmed in delight of his sweet attention, a thrill striking through you as he brought your hands to his lips, and peppering feather-light kisses on the shivering knuckles.
“I would get so excited to see you.” He finally spoke, in a soft way, the way you were used to hearing him, the breath of his words caressing you, easing you. Guiding one hand, he opened up your tense fingers and exposed your palm, placing a kiss there too. It was so intimate. It was so close. “I loved the way you lit up when I’d enter the room.” He chuckled. “You could be standing next the Supreme Chancellor, surrounded by Jedi Masters, there could be kings and queens speaking, and you somehow made me feel like the most important person in the room.”
A blush started to warm up your throat and build in your face. You couldn't have known that as you'd only ever been an infatuated fan who got to speak with her hero on occasion, and he a proper code abiding Jedi. Always keeping a proper distance. Always speaking formally.
Maybe not always. How easily you would assume it was only in your head when he’d lean close and speak under his breath. Or reach and touch your uniform, so much heat in his low-lidded gaze.
You watched as his fingertips slipped under the rim of your sleeve, pushing it down before placing his lips on your wrist, a jump of pleasure on the rarely touched skin. “But it could never be anything more than that. I wasn't allowed attachments, and we never had a moment alone for me to… test the boundary of my interest.”
His words perked your interest more than they should have. For the first time your gaze jumped from your hands. Those intense eyes met you in an instant, and his smile grew. “That’s right.” He leaned into your space, eyes dropping to your lips and your hands trapped in his, and you couldn’t say it wasn’t everything you dreamed about. “Had I got a single moment alone with you- well, you probably wouldn’t believe all the ways I wanted to make you mine.”
Your breath caught, your heart beating rapidly with the shock, with the thoughts now running in your head. Wondering how many times you and he wanted the same things. His code and your courtesy keeping a wall between you.
Vader didn’t give you a warning. He pulled in and pressed a quick kiss to your lips, making you gasp. He let you catch your breath, his lips still technically touching yours, smiling as if he too could feel the molten thrill that hit you, jumped up your body and slammed into your head, dizzying you. Your hands clutched his, but they weren’t trembling anymore.
"I'll show you. I'm no different from the man you knew me as.” He promised, pressing those lips back on yours, savoring the way you melted into his embrace. “I’ll make you love me again.”