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"I told you," Theo says, punching Keeho's arm playfully.
"You didn't tell me shit," he replies, slightly pushing Theo with one hand securely holding him in place.
"He did though," Jiung says.
Theo looks down at Keeho from where he's seated on his boyfriend's lap and gives him a mischievous grin.
"What do you think, Jongseob?" Keeho says, probably running out of ideas.
"I think I genuinely don't care," Jongseob says, trying to focus on the tv show playing.
"Burn," Intak says, holding his hand up for a high five. Jongseob lazily gives him a high five and turns his attention back to the TV. He has unfinished assignments and a lot of missed episodes to catch up on so he doesn't really care about what they're talking about, he just wants a distraction and the TV show is doing its job.
"Hey guys are you okay with my friend coming over?" Keeho turns to everyone with a more serious tone.
"Depends which friend we're talking about you have like, really bad ones," Theo says, making a disgusted face.
Keeho sighs,"Shota. He's nice, he's gonna drop something off for me and i thought it'd be rude not to invite him in,"
Jongseob feels a pit growing in his stomach and he gets ready to turn the idea down. Jongseob really, really doesn't like people. He's comfortable with the few people in this room and that's about as much human interaction as he's ready to get. Even in the parties Keeho drags him to he feels unbelievably uncomfortable. He really doesn't feel like dealing with it tonight.
"Actually hyung i think–" before he can finish the doorbell rings.
"yay or nay guys?" keeho whispers. All three hyungs show a thumbs up and Jongseob will feel like a bad person for turning it down so he shows a thumbs up too.
Keeho opened the door to the most adorable face Jongseob has ever seen. Long black hair and a red hoodie that's a few sizes too big and dark jeans; he's undeniably good-looking.
Keeho and the unfamiliar boy start talking and he has the nicest smile ever. Though, he realizes he's been staring at the boy too long when the boy looks past keeho and smiles at him.
Their short conversation about the game he had borrowed from Keeho is soon over and Shota agrees to come in and meet everyone.
Jongseob tries to push the anxious feeling away and focus on introducing himself properly, he doesn't want another embarrassing memory, but he finds himself more anxious with every second that passes. He doesn't have much time to overthink though, because he starts speaking the moment he enters.
"Are they the ones you're always telling me about?" he asks. What a gentle voice, he thinks. He notices too much.
"yah, don't tell them that!" Keeho yells as he takes his seat on the couch next to Theo.
The boy bows a little and starts, "Hi, I'm Shota, I'm Japanese, it's nice to meet you,"
"Why so formal?" Keeho mocks.
"I mean you're all seniors," Shota awkwardly gets closer to the couch .
"Not all of us, Jongseob is younger than you," Jongseob's heart skips a heart upon hearing his own name, but he slowly nods in agreement.
"Oh he's a highschooler?" Shota suggests and everyone starts laughing.
"You're right he should be a high schooler," Jiung replies, making Keeho clap and laugh even harder. Jongseob only rolls his eyes.
Keeho clears his throat, "No, you're both freshmen, he's just a few months younger than you,"
Shota nods and smiles, looking at Jongseob now, while Jongseob avoided eye contact. He doesn't think he's ever felt this awkward in his entire life, and that's saying a lot because he's always awkward.
Shota slowly takes a seat next to jongseob on the smaller couch and smiles at him, "So you're Jongseob. Nice to meet you,"
Jongseob gulps, "yeah, you too,"
"You're both so awkward," Intak says, scoffing, "I'm Intak, I'm a year younger than these three," he points his head towards the general direction of Theo, Keeho and Jiung.
"Jiung," Jiung says with a small wave.
"And you already know me," Theo ends the introductions with a warm smile.
"That's not fair why does he get to know Keeho's friends but we don't?" Intak asks, frowning and pouting like a baby.
"Because he sleeps with Keeho," Jiung reminds him.
"Ew."
—
Jongseob doesn't see him again. It's the rainy season and nobody wants to hang out because of Keeho's strong hate for rain. Their majors couldn't be further apart, so he doesn't see him on campus either, he doesn't even try to look. He's comfortable in his bubble.
Still, he finds himself thinking about the boy a little too often. Sometimes he sits in bed and stares at the anime profile picture in the group chat and then he mentally slaps himself and goes to sleep.
He doesn't, however, question it. Not until they eventually see each other again.
The occasion is Theo's birthday. Keeho, for once, decides against being extra and invites everyone over to their apartment with the promise of pizza and a cake that's actually edible. Jongseob doesn't really expect to see Shota, but he isn't that shocked either; Keeho tends to adopt the shy introverts he sees, that's how Jongseob ended up here in the first place.
"hey, shota, you drink?" jiung asks, getting the beers out of the fridge.
Shota only shakes his head no and smiles.
"fun fact, jongseob can't hold his liquor," he then adds, placing the beers in front of everyone but the two youngest.
jongseob rolls his eyes, "and you can't hold a relationship but you don't see me telling everyone,"
Jiung gasps as if he's been shot and dramatically grabs his chest, makinh the rest of them laugh.
"how does it feel to grow even older than before taeyang?" intak mocks, and theo throws the tissue box at his head.
"hey at least you're legally allowed to drink in America now, so you have that going for you i guess," keeho says.
"why are we attacking him on his birthday?" Jongseob asks.
Taeyang blows a kiss, "you're my favorite son,"
"now you're calling yourself old dumbass," this time the tissue box is thrown at Jongseob.
"you seem like great friends," Shota says, and Jongseob can't really tell if he's being sarcastic or not.
—
Three hours into the birthday party and everyone's bored and the house is a mess. Jongseob is sure he's gonna fall asleep if they don't do something soon. His face probably shows that, because Keeho looks at him and laughs, "the kid's already out,"
"nooooo," theo drags out, clearly a bit drunk, "i dont want it to end yet,"
"let's play something," intak suggests.
"like what?" jiung asks.
"truth or dare?"
"what are we, 13?"
Keeho laughs and intak sighs, "strip poker?"
"god no, what's wrong with you?" Theo says but he laughs so he probably doesn't think its that bad of an idea.
Honestly Jongseob doesn't want to play anything, he wants to go home and lie in bed and think about something other than Shota's perfume. It's sweet and strong and the more he inhales it the sleepier he gets. But he can't really go home like this, he needs to step out of his comfort zone every once in a while.
"Slap slap kiss?" Jiung suggests.
"What the actual fuck is wrong with you two?" Keeho says, laughing again. Jongseob doesn't think it's that funny, but he doesn't say anything.
"Alright so, truth or dare?" Everyone nods silently.
They use a half empty bottle of water and agree that they don't have to involve drinking in the game, for Shota and Jongseob's sake.
Jongseob doesn't pay much attention to the game, he's in his own little world, and lucky for him the bottle never lands on him. He watches as Theo kisses Keeho full of tongue and cringes inside, and watches as Intak starts attacking Jiung for a random question that he didn't even listen to. Until it lands on him.
"Truth or dare?" jiung asks.
Jongseob forces his eyes open, "dare,"
"take a shot,"
there's silence at first.
"jiung…" keeho seems worried.
"It's fine," jongseob assures him, though it's not. He really doesn't want to drink, but he's tired of being treated like a kid and mocked for his childish limits. So, bitter as it is, he takes the shot and manages to keep a straight face while doing so.
He's fine.
—
"Jongseob," there is a hand on his arm and a warm puff of air against the top of his head as his name is called.
"Jongseob, i think you should go home,"
He slowly opens his eyes. Intak is cleaning up the table in front of them while Keeho talks to Theo at the front door. Jiung is gathering the bottles on the floor, and Shota is… right fucking next to him with his arm wrapped around Jongseob. Jongseob startles so much he ends up pushing Shota away from him.
"Oh my god, I'm so so sorry I-"
"jongseob," he calls, gentle, with a small smile, "you're okay, it's okay,"
"I'm sorry i got really startled,"
"that's okay,"
There's a bit of awkward silence until Jongseob's head clears and he finally realizes what happened.
"You must've been tired," Shota speaks first. Jongseob only nods.
"Will you be okay walking home alone? it's pretty late,"
"i think I'll be okay,"
He proves himself wrong seconds later as he falls down while trying to get off the floor. He can't balance himself.
"Where do you live?"
"Dorms,"
"I'll walk you, I live in the dorms too."
Jongseob only nods and puts on a little smile to be nice.
—
Shota is tightly holding Jongseob in place as Jongseob barely keeps his eyes open. He's sure he'll feel different in the morning but right now he just feels comfortable. He wants to stay out in the humid night air holding Shota close to him in this blurry state forever. He would like to tell him that, maybe let him know that he wants to know Shota, but one shot of soju isn't enough for that.
"You really can't drink, huh?" He asks, laughing sweetly.
"Nope," Jongseob laughs too.
"You know, you have a really sweet laughter, hearing you laugh makes me smile,"
Jongseob's heart stops. The world stops. He stops walking.
"What happened?" shota sounds worried, "are you okay?"
"i-" jongseob can't even begin to explain because he starts laughing hysterically. His face starts to heat up even more than before and he has to cover his mouth.
Shota laughs too, even though neither one of them know why they're laughing.
After a few short minutes they both gather themselves and jongseob stares at the older boy, wondering if this is what admiration is like.
They reach the dorm and Shota walks Jongseob to his room, refusing to let him go alone even though they were in the building.
"I'm sorry for what happened," Jongseob says and Shota immediately starts shaking his head.
"Don't be, it was cute,"
Jongseob only laughs and looks down.
"Sleep well, i hope i see you again soon." And with a firm hug he waves goodbye and walks to his own room.
—
So a few days pass and Jongseob isn't entirely sure why, but he keeps thinking about what happened that night. It's not like he's embarrassed by it, but he feels weird about it. He isn't even sure what he feels, but he feels weird. He tries not to overthink it, but it feels impossible not to.
It only gets worse when Keeho tells him they're having a movie night. He doesn't want a repeat of Theo's birthday, but he also doesn't want to ignore his friends. He doesn't want to ever disappoint them.
You see, Jongseob doesn't really like people, but he makes exceptions.
His friends, for example, who may or may not annoy him to death most of the time, are those exceptions. It's not like he hates people, he has nothing against the idea of people; he's just not good at living with humans.
Things as simple as ordering coffee can bring him anxiety attacks or make it hard for him to speak. He usually has a friend with him wherever he goes, so he doesn't end up alone in social situations.
The thing is, he does try to cure his social anxiety. He does therapy sessions and tries to communicate but he just can't get past some obstacles in his journey.
Haku Shota, is one of those obstacles.
So, as much as he wants to sit on the couch with his head on one of his hyungs' laps and watch terrible movies with them, he doesn't want to have anxiety attacks.
So, he uses what he's learned in therapy, and texts his friend.
—
"So, what's going on? You never ask to hang out one on one," Theo asks.
Jongseob sighs, he doesn't really understand why he's here either. He could've done this over the phone, he could've texted or something, but now he's sitting at a cafe full of people with Theo and he doesn't even have anything to say.
"I'm…" Jongseob tries to start, "I… so, I've been a little anxious lately,"
Okay, good start.
"Hm?? About what? You seemed like you were doing good," theo looks a little worried now.
Jongseob feels this little pool of guilt in his stomach, but he tries his best to ignore that. He knows he's technically not doing anything wrong. Theo's worried because he cares.
That's the logical way of looking at it.
Jongseob tries to be a man of logic. Well, at least he tries.
He clears his throat, he needs to get it out. He needs to ask for some help.
"It's just… since Shota came, I've been anxious around you guys. And it's not fair, i was safe with you guys. I was your favorite freshman and the…everything i guess. It's just not fair that he gets to barge in, make me anxious, act all nice and cute and then talk to my friends like it's okay!"
His tone rises by the end, and he's not sure why. He's feeling emotions pour out of him that he didn't even know he had. He had no idea he felt that way about him.
Theo laughs.
He straight up, shamelessly, starts to laugh.
"Is it funny that I'm suffering?" Jongseob says in the harshest tone he can pull of.
"No no! No, no wait,"
And he's still laughing.
"Jongseob-ah," his face is more serious now, but a smile is still planted on his face. A smile and a look that Jongseob can't read. He's never seen Theo like this with him.
"What?"
"I think you just like him,"
Jongseob's heart sinks.
"What? No I don't! I've never had a crush on anyone before, let alone a boy,"
Theo tilts his head sympathetically and pouts.
"Alright," he sighs, "let's try asking you a few questions, and then I'll tell you if you have a crush on Shota,"
Jongseob stays silent for a minute. He's sure it's not possible, but what harm could it do? Just a few questions.
"Let's start with something simple let's see…" he looks down and narrows his eyes in contemplation.
"Oh!" an idea apparently hits him, "Do you have this weird desire to spend a lot of time with him?"
Jongseob thinks about it long and hard. He really doesn't know.
"Uh… I'm not sure? Maybe? Can you ask me something else?"
Theo nods slowly, "How about when he touches you, how do you feel then?"
Jongseob thinks about this one long and hard too.
"I don't think this is working," he whimpers, burying his face in his hands. He feels so overwhelmed with emotions he can't identify.
"Okay, let's try a different approach," Theo says, still patient and warm even though Jongseob can't seem to figure his own head out.
He's always admired him for that.
"What approach?" He makes a face like a moody teen and rolls his eyes, as if he wasn't the one who asked for help.
Theo laughs softly, "You tell me exactly what you think of him, and I'll help you figure out your own thoughts. How's that? Can you do that?"
He takes a deep breath and looks at the watered down iced latte in front of him and nods.
"Okay, I'm listening." Theo assures with a firm nod and sips on his bitter iced americano.
They had both decided on iced, it seemed more convenient at the time, but now that their drinks are watered down and warm it doesn't seem like a good idea anymore.
"Well… at first i thought he was really pretty. Then I wanted to befriend him but felt too scared of rejection. If i got too close I would breach a boundary and if i stayed too far I would seem cold and uninterested, so I was trying to keep that balance. I was trying to be friends but not too much, you know?"
Theo smiles and nods unsurely. Jongseob has a feeling he doesn't in fact know what he's saying, but he doesn't care.
"At your party, I was just having a really shitty day and I was already tired when I got there. You know how you guys are, everything you did drained me more and more and I got sleepy and I think you all saw how I fell asleep on his shoulder and-"
"Wait." theo says, suddenly dead serious.
"What?"
"He didn't tell you?"
"Tell me what?"
Theo stays silent. A type of silence that Jongseob hates.
"Theo…"
Theo starts to laugh softly and shake his head, "Jongseob, you didn't cross boundaries. Shota was the one who placed your head on his shoulder."
—
So it's movie night. Jongseob usually doesn't put much thought or effort into what he wears like Keeho does, he likes to wear what he feels like wearing that day.
Today though.
Things are different now.
He grabs a pair of relatively comfortable jeans and his favorite pink hoodie. It's soft and warm and it makes him look smaller than he actually is so he deems it a good option.
He puts on perfume too, can't risk smelling bad.
Not like he's trying to impress anyone. But even he knew that was a lie. He was definitely trying to impress someone.
So, not so confidently but surely, he walks to Keeho and Jiung's apartment.
"Jongseob-ah! You came!" Theo yells excitedly as he enters as if it hadn't already been settled that he would not miss this chance to see Shota. He forces a smile and nods.
Shota waves at him from the couch. He waves back hesitantly.
"Where do you wanna sit? Since you're the youngest you get the chance to pick first." Jiung tells him.
"I wanna sit next to Theo hyung,"
Since Jongseob left his home to study here, everyone has been extra caring. On movie nights usually either Theo or Intak let him lay on their laps and play with his hair while they watch the movie. They all try to take care of him, and they do it well, he rarely feels lonely here.
"C'mere," Theo motion for him to come over with open arms.
Jongseob does a little run to the couch where Theo is and tries his best to lay his head on his lap comfortably. With his head on Theo's lap, he doesn't really see where the other are sitting. He does know Keeho is at the other end of the couch though.
Intak sets up the movie and Jiung brings in the snacks while Keeho and Shota argue over which Pokemon deserves their own movie. The atmosphere is so warm and comfortable he feels like he's gonna fall asleep.
Finally, they decide to play the movie with Intak sitting on the floor (Jongseob can't really see him from this angle, but he could hear Jiung and Intak bickering over who gets the other couch, so he figured when Intak started cussing he had probably lost.)
The start is dramatic, with some explosions and music that set up the scene. He doesn't even know what they're watching. He doesn't want to know. He only comes to these to have an excuse to get physically intimate with his friends.
The movie goes on with some cliche plot that Jongseob doesn't really focus on and a lot of swearing. He feels like he should be covering his ears.
Theo's hand is finally in his hair, gently brushing through his freshly dyed ginger hair. Theo does it with a rhythm, and with everyone's chattering as background noise Jongseob falls asleep again.
—
"Jongseob!" Theo screams near his ear. Jongseob startles awake once again.
Okay, he's learnt his lesson. Don't sleep at Keeho's, avoid falling asleep around these weird ass people at any cos-
"Jongseob! You fucking idiot!" Theo yells again.
"What?? Is sleeping illegal?"
Theo snorts, "No, go get Shota," he finally explains.
Jongseob rubs his eyes and stretches, trying to get his sleepy brain to process things.
"Uh… Shota?"
"The Japanese guy with the cute hair you like?"
Jongseob sighs so deeply he's afraid the world will face an oxygen shortage.
"Hyung. I know who Shota fucking is. I was asking what happened to him,"
Theo laughs again, "I don't know, he was looking at you a lot and then he just said he needs to go out for a minute, it was weird"
Jongseob sighs again.
"Why the fuck would you wake me up for that?!?!?" He yells.
"Ya! I'm trying to get your ass with the cute boy!! I'm so underappreciated as a matchmaker,"
Jongseob tsks, "Matchmaker my ass,"
"Excuse me?"
"Nothing!" Jongseob quickly says, putting on his shoes as fast as possible before running out the door.
Now the question is, where the hell is shota?
Like a lead in a romcom, he tries to run around looking for Shota. He always thought that shit was in movies, but he sure as hell was wrong.
His heart is beating fast and his head is pounding with things to say and this sudden urge to hold Shota between his hands and get so close until—
Oh. He likes him.
Jongseob likes Haku Shota.
"Seobie?" Jongseob turns around so fast he almost snaps his neck.
Okay, that's probably dramatic. But he does turn around quickly.
There he is.
"Oh, you," Jongseob breathes out. Great start, he's gonna love your confession.
"Me?" Shota smiles and chuckles a bit.
"You…"
"I…"
"I think I like you."
They both stare at each other, inhaling and exhaling for a few awkward seconds until Shita closes the gap between them and gives Jongseob a tight hug.
"Me too," he says with a laugh. Jongseob laughs too. He doesn't know why, he just feels so happy.
He's never felt this way before. He likes it.
He likes Shota. He likes him more than he likes his friends or the people he sees on the street. Not more, just different.
"Can I…?" Shota asks, staring into Jongseob's eyes. He blinks a few times until he realizes what he's asking.
"I don't… know. I've never kissed anyone before, I haven't done anything with anyone before, not like this,"
Shota nods in understanding, "we can take it slow, if you want,"
Jongseob turns his gaze to the ground and he can feel his face heating up with the need to get closer to the boy.
"Yeah, yeah, kiss me, I don't care how you do it just kiss me,"
Shota laughs a little bit and finally places his lips on Jongseob's.
Jongseob's heart is beating out of his chest and his brain isn't responding to anything, he just feels Shota's lips and all too soon he's pulling away.
"Oh, wow," that's all he manages to drag out. Once again, Jongseob's words have betrayed him. But how can he complain when Shota is smiling at him like that?
"We should go back inside," Jongseob suggests, finally noticing the cold.
"Yeah, let's do that," Shota says, following Jongseob with his hand linked to Jongseob's.
—
"What happened?" Keeho asks, a little worried at first until he sees their faces.
"Oh… my god!" he screams so loud all 5 of them flinch and start swearing at him.
After everyone's screaming session is over, they finally play the next movie, and this time he sleeps on the solo couch, body on Shota's lap with his knees pulled in and his head resting on his shoulder.
It's a little too intimate, but he's sleepy and Shota is comfortable and warm, so why would he ever complain?
At the end their souls did meet.