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Thank god for Sam Wilson. That's what Bucky thinks as his neck extends back and he thrusts up into his partner's hand.
He's learned to stay quiet when he comes maybe out of habit, maybe out of feeling like they shouldn't be found out. Sam always watches him and honestly, that takes his damn breath away. It feels eerily intimate to have Sam watch him but Bucky'd never give it up for anything. He tries to hold his gaze but eventually, his eyes fall from the mounting pleasure.
Sam always hums to himself right before he loosens his grip. Like he's subtly proud of what he's managed to coax out of him. Bucky's always panting, eyelids heavy when he hears it, but he swears he could come again if he thinks about it too hard. Because yeah, Sam did this to him and dear god, it's so good. He never wants him to stop.
He can't even remember exactly how this started — the casual handjobs on the jet — but Bucky doesn't care. It's become the best part of every mission.
Sam likes it risky, Bucky decides over time. Maybe he should've known given their line of work. They're constantly dodging danger, weighing threats, putting their lives on the line. Evidently, Sam likes the thrill of getting caught. He must because one night things evolve from handjobs exclusively on the jet to a public bathroom. It happens in a single-use restroom with no stalls and when Sam had initially dragged Bucky by his jacket into the small room, Bucky figured there was something to hide from. It only takes Sam crushing their mouths together for Bucky to realize Sam just wanted him alone. Bucky's whole body shivers with the thought. He hasn't felt wanted in decades and this kiss is driving all the blood in his body straight to his groin. He feels lightheaded when Sam lets him go and that's when Bucky realizes this is the first time they've kissed.
Sam looks drunk from it. A breathless smile works its way onto his face, it's stunning. Bucky's seriously so fucking lucky to be locked in a bathroom with this man. He grabs Sam's shirt, pulls him back, and kisses him harder.
He's missed kissing. He hadn't thought of how long it's been since he's had a good, proper kiss. And Sam Wilson is a man who knows how to kiss.
Bucky walks Sam forward, kissing him, until Sam's back meets the wall. He hikes Sam's thighs up and wraps them around his waist. They break for air and notice a floor-length mirror next to them. They both turn to study their reflection.
"Fuck, it'd be hot if we..." Sam starts and then breathes in a gulp of air like he hasn't caught it yet.
Bucky swallows. He can feel himself aching and he knows there's no hiding it, he's pressed up against the spread of Sam's thighs. But they haven't fucked yet and Bucky doesn't like the idea of rushing to cross that boundary. He's not sure what any of this fooling around means but he knows when or if he ever gets inside Sam, he's not going to handle it well. The way Sam makes him feel, just from this, there's no way Bucky's not giving over his entire existence the day he gets to fuck him.
Bucky's hands lower Sam back to the floor, leaving them barely an inch apart. Sam looks at him.
"Yeah," Bucky says and reaches for Sam's fly. He opens his pants and gets a hand around him. Sam copies the motion.
They watch themselves jerk each other off in the mirror. Bucky can't look away. He can see his hand and Sam's moving in sync, sliding up and down. It's not long before they both hunch forward and watch white splatter the glass.
Sam starts getting more vocal. Adding kissing to their fooling around means talking is even more of a rarity than it used to be. But after the public bathroom stint, Sam moves things to their motel rooms. They make out on the bed, sometimes they move to the shower to get each other off. Depends how desperate they are.
They enter a motel room tonight. Sam kisses Bucky through the door, leading him forward until Bucky bumps into the bed and sits down on the mattress. Sam spreads his knees apart and steps in between them. He clutches Bucky's face and kisses the breath out of him. Bucky's motionless under Sam, completely powerless under the man's lips.
"I like when you manhandle me," Sam draws back to say.
Bucky doesn't hesitate with this new information. He hooks Sam's thighs and slides him right into his lap.
"I like you on my lap," Bucky admits since they seem to be sharing.
"Do you?" Sam smirks so sinfully, Bucky's body pulses with it.
"Yeah," Bucky licks his lips. "I like kissing your neck while you grind on me."
"Fuck," Sam breathes.
Sam's hips take off almost like it was a command, grinding into an easy motion. The second Bucky latches his mouth onto the other man's neck, Sam's motion grows erratic and harsh. Bucky groans from it, then sucks harder. Sam keeps digging his hips deeper and Bucky's kisses turn frantic and rough like he can't decide if he wants to bite or not. His mouth jumps to every spot on the dark skin, hungry and hurried.
He just needs more and Sam seems to be in the same place. His grinding turns desperate while he moans by Bucky's ear. Bucky's dizzy from it, he can't hold back now. But even with losing the last bit of self-control, somehow it's Sam who comes first.
They both stop. Bucky can feel Sam's ragged breath heavy on his skin. He's bent over Bucky's shoulder trying to come down from his high. As achingly hard as Bucky is, he would happily sit here forever listening to Sam pant from the satisfaction of coming against him.
So Sam likes it rough too. The more Bucky finds out about Sam, the more he adds to his mental catalog of how to please him. And so, the next time they return to the jet, Bucky grabs the front of Sam's suit and easily lifts him, pinning him to the wall. And it fucking works. Sam exhales like he got the breath knocked out of him even though Bucky was more than gentle. Sam's just trying to cover his shock and widening smile. He fucking loves it. He grabs Bucky by the hair and pulls him into a needy kiss.
Sam breaks the kiss, then says, "Let's save it."
Bucky slowly sets him down, his brows bunching together in confusion. Sam frames his face with a smile like his puzzlement is adorable.
"For tonight. The motel's gonna have a bed. Wanna do this right," Sam explains.
Bucky stalls to answer. Sam senses the hesitation and frowns. He lets his hands drop, Bucky wants to lift them back to his skin but he knows Sam's waiting for an explanation.
"Do you want to?" Sam asks.
Bucky knows what he's asking, knows just what he wants. And he wants it too. Of course, he fucking does. His skin crawls constantly with the torment of wanting to fuck this man but he's scared of what it'll do to him. He truly believes he'll fall way too deep the second he gets inside him.
"Yeah, I want to. I'm just trying not to..."
"What?"
The look on Sam's face makes all of Bucky's restraint fly right out the window. He can't say no anymore, not when Sam is right here asking for exactly what he so badly craves. So he lets his fears go. Fuck it. If he falls in love, he'll suffer for eternity if Sam doesn't feel the same because it'll be so damn worth it. He knows it will be.
"Yeah, let's save it."
They get to the motel and Bucky has goosebumps rippling under his skin the second they walk inside. Part of him felt like they were never going to get to this moment. As if they would forever go on with simply handjobs.
Now that he's here, he takes a moment to watch Sam lock the door and toe off his shoes. He begins stripping immediately and Bucky's mind slows to a daze. Sure, he's seen Sam shirtless, even half naked, countless times but tonight it's for him.
When Sam's down to his boxers, Bucky still hasn't moved.
"Just here to watch?" Sam quips.
Bucky shakes his head but instead of undressing, he holds onto Sam's hips, tugging him close enough to get a taste of those lips. Sam hums against him. Then his hands slide under Bucky's shirt and slide the garment up and over his head. Bucky watches it fall as Sam moves to his belt, then his pants. He nudges Bucky back toward the bed and that's when Bucky remembers manhandling. He catches himself and spins Sam around in one quick motion. He's pretty sure Sam's surprised to find himself lying on the mattress a second later.
Bucky crawls over him, kissing him tenderly, and for a while. He almost forgets tonight is special until Sam's hands roam down his body and cup him through his underwear. Bucky breaks the kiss and stares down at him. He's about to ask when Sam says, "Wanna warm me up?"
Bucky nods and slides down the bed. Sam props himself against the headboard and kicks his boxers off.
"Been looking forward to this," Sam says.
When Bucky looks up, Sam's eyes are closed and he's waiting patiently. Bucky blinks, tries not to get too caught up in the comment.
"Been thinking about this longer," Bucky mutters.
He prods his tongue inside. Sam squirms at the first wet touch, maybe he was expecting a finger first, but he relaxes in the next moment and shifts his hips down. He tastes Sam again, pressing further this time, swirling his tongue around, and earning a moan in response. Bucky sucks a finger into his mouth. Dips the wet finger in and presses down against the muscled rim.
Sam groans and pushes his hips forward once more. Bucky slides the finger down to the first knuckle, waits for a happy sound, then to the second knuckle. He grips Sam's cock with his other hand and slides the head onto his tongue. Sam's eyes open with that, they go a little wide even. That makes Bucky smile. He licks circles over the tip making Sam whine. He fits a second finger inside.
"Shit," Sam curses, sounding strained.
Bucky swallows the head of Sam's cock and hooks his other two fingers at the same time.
"Shit, Buck."
He keeps up a simultaneous motion until Sam starts squirming.
"Don't — make — me — come," Sam pants.
Bucky lets up, removing his mouth and slowing his hand. He presses a third finger inside and watches Sam's hips buck forward.
"Lube's in my bag," Sam directs nodding toward it by the door. Bucky glances over but doesn't move. He plunges his fingers deeper. "Nhm ready, Buck."
Bucky moves after that, carefully removing his fingers and hopping up for the bag.
"You have been thinking about this," Bucky comments as he tears the zipper open to Sam's duffle bag.
"Who says the lube was for you," Sam cracks a smile.
Bucky glares at him but his heart races at the thought that there might be anyone else touching Sam.
"It's for you," Sam rolls his eyes in defeat.
Bucky relaxes and rushes back to the bed, ridding his boxers on the way. Sam's waiting for him, watching him again as he opens the cap and coats himself in the gel. Bucky almost feels himself shiver from the intent gaze on him but he suppresses it enough to toss the lube down and line up in between Sam's legs. Sam's palms glide up the backs of Bucky's thighs, carefully and slowly, like he's taking in the moment. Bucky fails to quell the next shiver and leans down to kiss Sam through the rush. He loves that he can now, he can't believe they went weeks without kissing.
Bucky knows this is it. In the next moment, he'll be inside the man he's been trying so damn hard not to fall for. Most of him already knows it's too late. He pushes inside and the moan that leaves Sam's mouth is heavenly. Bucky kisses him again, savoring every last bit. He never wants this to end.
Lying on the bed afterward, Bucky knows one thing for sure. He's so far gone.
He's not about to admit anything right now, Sam looks about ready to fall asleep anyhow. But he can at least try to keep this going long enough to tell him one day.
"I don't want us to stop," Bucky says to him.
Sam smiles smugly at the comment.
"Shut up. I'm serious," Bucky snips.
"I know you are," Sam states calmly.
"Sam, be real with me," Bucky presses, his heart speeding up again.
"I am being real," Sam chuckles. "You're not letting me get a damn word in."
"Cause you're grinning like an asshole."
Sam's smirk only widens. A frustrated sigh falls out of Bucky.
"I don't wanna stop either," Sam agrees, finally.
Bucky nods, telling himself to leave it at that but he can't.
"And maybe we could do this not after a mission sometime," he shrugs like it's a casual suggestion.
Sam grins again, bastard.
"Yeah, that might be a good idea," Sam teases.
"I'm serious."
"I know."
Sam leans over and kisses him slowly. Bucky soaks it in, he needs this man's kiss every fucking day. How is he gonna tell him that?
"When we get back, how 'bout you stay over at my place?" Sam suggests.
"I could do that," Bucky presses down a beaming smile.
"Good," Sam kisses him again.
"And you could stay over mine when you're in New York."
"I could do that," Sam mocks playfully.
Bucky bites his lip still trying to hide his elation but he knows Sam can see it, the man is blatantly staring again. In that long, heartfelt way that makes Bucky's heart clench over and over again. Sam starts kissing him. Bucky drags Sam on top of him. Sam slows, his movements dulling.
"You tired?" Bucky asks, sweeping a palm across Sam's cheek.
"Yeah," Sam admits and lets his body sag until his head rests on Bucky's chest. He stays there and falls still. Bucky realizes he plans to sleep just like this, right against his heart.
Bucky takes a deep breath in. There's no turning back now, he's never been more in love.