Work Text:
Mach, thank you for being my muse even in the darkest of times.
"Alright, that's it. I can't do this anymore," Sebastian says as he slams the bundle of parchment down.
"No, wait.” He gets up from the bench, but Ominis grabs his robes, tugging him to sit back on the plush, velvety seat. “I need to know what happens, and my wand can't pick up Blume's horrible handwriting."
Sebastian sighs. He gets down on one knee and picks up the stack, glancing at his friend, who now has a contented smile sprawled out on his features. The things they do for each other. With his rump back on the bench, he sniffs and presses on.
It keeps going for a while, describing obscene scenarios of Sebastian pounding into Ominis with everything he has to offer, accompanying his movements with romantic prose that real Sebastian will never ever recite out loud to anybody, not even his own reflection in the mirror. He does his best not to actually envision the act with real Ominis’ astonishingly even breath warming his earlobe as he leans in to listen.
Eventually, about three pages in, he gets to a part where suddenly Ominis starts stuffing his “long and slick” fingers inside Sebastian’s “puckering entrance”. Once again, the parchment finds its place on the floor tiles.
"That's just not right. I'd never agree to that," Sebastian groans with a huff.
Ominis scowls and folds his arms, the tip of his wand peeking from under his elbow. "What do you mean? How come you're alright with me being fingered and debauched but not yourself?"
"Well, that's– I don't know, you seem to be more suited for it?"
"How unjust. Do you even know what it feels like?" Ominis asks him. He feels around for the scattered pieces of parchment with his foot, leaving dirty prints all over the yellowed pages.
"Of course I don't," Sebastian exclaims. "Merlin, Ominis. Don't ask me something like that. It's indecent."
"Well, how do you know you won't like it, then, since you haven't tried it yourself?"
"Have you?"
Ominis falls silent. His shoe stops searching.
"N-no," he says.
Sebastian sees his previously pink flush colour his face crimson.
"You so have."
"I haven't! Or, well, maybe, sometimes," Ominis stutters. "I was curious, you know. One hears a lot of things."
"Huh. Is that so? And how did it feel like?" Sebastian asks him and pulls out the rest of the parchment from under Ominis' sole, gently tapping on his shin.
"Nice, I suppose. Good, even."
"Good? Care to elaborate?"
"No. Absolutely not." Ominis’ voice cracks as the grip on his own bicep visibly tightens.
"Well, then I really won't know if I'll like it if you’re not even willing to share your expertise." Sebastian smooths out one of the corners of the parchment that got folded over, and skims his eyes across the text. "It says here that they, well, we use the spell 'Glidolo'. I've never heard of that one."
"Oh, that's for lubrication," Ominis says as if it is the most trivial and obvious thing in the world. He relaxes his arms and lets them fall on his lap.
"Lubrication? What's that?" Sebastian eyes him suspiciously. The wand dances between his fingertips as he spins it in a nervous tic. "Show me."
"Sho- I will not. Just, go on with the reading. What else is there?"
Sebastian grunts, begrudgingly returning to the lopsided lines of Cressida Blume’s writing. Then it dawns on him what the spell is used for.
"Sorry, I, uh-" The rest of what he was trying to say turns into a regretful whimper.
"Proceed, please." Ominis swats his shoulder impatiently.
"Why do you even want to hear this?" Sebastian finally asks him. Ominis thinks for a while, biting his lip until it turns white under his canine.
"Because it's probably one of the most masterfully written texts I've ever had the privilege to listen to," he says and lifts his chin up high. "Don't you think so?"
Sure, maybe the flow and the pace is a bit, well, exquisite, maybe some of the word choices make Sebastian want to write them down and use them in his own essays. The awesome spelling and grammar, the snippets of Greek poetry and even the spot-on dialogue, as if Blume has spied on them for weeks just to get all of it down, are all woven together so well that even Sebastian can't help but also wish to know how it all ends. But so what? None of it matters if the contents are also the dirtiest, most illicit sacrilege that probably anyone has ever written.
"Well, I cannot deny that it is quite... good. Blume is definitely talented. But why on earth did she have to write about us of all people?"
Ominis lets out a small guffaw and kicks up some dust that the elves haven’t managed to scourge away yet. "Oh, please. Half the school thinks we are a couple."
"What?"
"Oh, you haven't heard? It all started when you had to hold my hand for a week in fourth year." Ominis waves at him mockingly.
"Because you lost your wand!"
"Ah, and then there was that incident with the kiss."
"You stumbled into me when we were practising apparition last year!"
"That's right! There was also me falling asleep on you in the Courtyard. That might've been the final nail in the coffin, actually. I bet Miss Blume was watching. She does that, you know."
Now Sebastian is fuming. It’s as if this is all just a game to Ominis, but it isn’t. They aren’t even courting each other, so why hasn’t he corrected all these rumours?
"Not on me, against me. Merlin, it's like you want us to be misunderstood."
"And what if I do?"
Oh.