Chapter Text
“Ah, I almost forgot to buy-”
To buy what exactly? To buy the same pack of ribs that Alhaitham finishes in a week? Well, that’s not right. Or is it another tray of eggs so that Alhaitham won’t keep taking his share? That’s not it either.
Kaveh stood still as he looked at the dark depths of the freezer he was standing over. His hand almost reached for the handle to slide the door open. However, the action was useless and his hand could only hover over the glass pane.
The meat products in there seemingly taunted him. Maybe even finding joy in knowing how much of an idiot he can be to not have moved on. But, how could he if everything reminded him of that infuriating man?
It had been about a month since he had moved out from Alhaitham’s house. Nothing in particular happened, they didn’t even argue with each other as Kaveh packed up his stuff. Alhaitham just silently stared and sometimes helped to move his larger belongings. In fact, it seemed like Alhaitham was just trying to avoid getting in the way of Kaveh.
After which, they both parted ways. Kaveh had a last-minute business trip out of town shortly after moving in while Alhaitham continued the same leisurely lifestyle he had. Only now did Kaveh really have the time to even buy his groceries.
He hadn’t had time to get used to living alone again. It was only now that he was trying to understand what has been going on in his mind knowing that when he went back to his apartment nobody would be there.
However, it was unusually uncanny. Not just because he is now living alone again but Kaveh couldn’t shake off the feeling that something else didn’t feel right. It feels like something in your room has been clearly moved but you can’t tell which item has been moved. It ate and burrowed deep within Kaveh’s mind for the past month.
But maybe now, he understands it a little more. His current habits and routines still revolved around the life he had when he lived with Alhaitham. Even now, he still hasn’t corrected them.
He glanced over at that pack of ribs that Alhaitham always had. He almost never went a week without them and that’s because Alhaitham would remind him to buy them each time he went grocery shopping.
He kind of misses the short and straight–forward messages, occasional calls when he went out late and had forgotten his keys and the quiet moments they shared in the living room. It was a comfortable situation, what they had that is.
Kaveh tightened his grip on the heavy basket he held on to and walked away to the back of the long line at the cashiers. It was a weekend, that’s to be expected.
He looked into the basket worried that he had bought one too many things.
In fact, he realised many of the things he bought, were things Alhaitham would have used too.
The coffee was something they both agreed on after trying out one too many brands, perhaps. The cheese and yoghurt were the few things they both shared without qualms. The bread, fruits and…
Everything was something they both somehow used.
In that long line of people begrudgingly shuffling their feet mundanely, Kaveh gradually gained an epiphany.
It was the lack of Alhaitham he could not get used to.
Whatever he said, touched and felt, almost always had Alhaitham lingering in it. But, why? Why does he still look forward to seeing this annoying ex-roommate of his? It doesn't make sense.
He wonders if Alhaitham too is having some sort of withdrawal syndrome with him not being around. Is he still leaving his books everywhere and tripping over them? He always did the dishes after they eat. Maybe he hasn’t even washed the dishes stacked in the sink? He probably didn’t even remember to water the plants.
“Next please!” The cashier urged.
He couldn’t contemplate further as it was then his turn to get out of the line, take his bags of groceries and head home.
The walk home was painfully quiet and noisy all at the same time.
It was mostly a quiet neighbourhood with few people living in it. Mostly because it was rather far from the hustle and bustle of life. Kaveh wasn’t all too concerned about that other than the fact that his apartment was reasonably priced.
However, the long walk home was rather annoying. Not for the reason that it took a while but the fact that Kaveh could hear his thoughts echo and grow. It created a buzz in his head that he couldn’t shake off. The heavy bags he carried didn’t seem to help as well.
At this time, Alhaitham would probably be home and reading his book. Kaveh would then arrive later and carry his heavy bags to the kitchen counter, all without any help from the “very busy” man. Alhaitham would then come over to ask what he would be making before grabbing a glass of water and returning to said book. After making dinner, Alhaitham would wordlessly help set the table and eat together with Kaveh. Kaveh would talk about some random stuff at work or talk about any plans and such while Alhaitham listened and occasionally gave his input.
Maybe later Kaveh would then point out something Alhaitham did or didn’t do and bicker with him for a while. Probably about the laundry or something about decorating the place with a willy-nilly sense of artistic direction.
It had always been like this.
In a way, they did things together and sometimes for each other.
They argued often but he was content with such a life.
But, good things come to an end, right? He can’t always rely on Alhaitham’s generosity. Knowing Alhaitham, letting him stay with him was one thing. But, collecting half the market-rate worth of rent was another thing.
A practical and logical Alhaitham wouldn’t have done that other than the fact that he probably wanted to help Kaveh out of the depths of his dire situation due to their past. Well, that’s the reason Kaveh came up with to convince himself. And also why he was more than willing to help with chores.
What else could it be then? A junior showing his gratefulness to his senior? Random altruism?
Definitely not. That’s not like Alhaitham at all.
That’s why he left eventually.
But, why can’t he leave all that behind and get on with his life? It was supposed to be a short-lived thing and he already knew it. Just why?
He stopped walking. His head gradually tipped down as he stared at the dark sidewalk. He glanced over at the purple rose bushes at the side that guarded the lawn of a neighbour’s house. Small drawings made in chalk littered the floor. A green bicycle leaned on the white fence of the house up ahead.
Wait, why does this look so familiar yet so wrong?
“Kaveh, what are you doing here?”
His tone wasn’t harsh. It sounded concerning.
Alhaitham was on the opposite end of the sidewalk. His earpieces and phone were in his hand. Sweat was visible on his arms and his tight workout clothes failed to conceal the sturdy frame he had.
Kaveh couldn’t understand the expression he made. He looked surprised, worried and confused all at the same time. But what for?
Kaveh then looked at the house where Alhaitham was standing next to.
Oh, he went back to Alhaitham’s place.
Now that explains everything.
“Did you leave something here?” Alhaitham came up to him and asked.
He could feel the warmth that Alhaitham exuded.
Kaveh looked down in embarrassment, his clutch on those heavy bags further tightened. His eyes darted everywhere trying to think of something to say to not make this situation any worse. But, his mind blanked out at that moment and so he gave out a rather lousy excuse.
“I-uh I walked the wrong way. I’ll be heading back now. Bye, Alhaitham.”
He turned away from Alhaitham, eager to escape and walk his way back to where he should be. He didn’t want to continue this conversation further. It was possibly the worst thing that could happen.
However, Alhaitham was stubborn. With just his words, he managed to grip Kaveh’s attention back and redirected it to him.
“You walked the wrong way? That’s an unlikely story. Your apartment is in the opposite direction from here.”
His arms were crossed and he carried a curious expression. Kaveh knew what that look meant. If only Alhaitham had just let it go. That was the kinder to the pile of thoughts he collected since today. Rage started to burn in his mind and they slipped out of his mouth.
“So what? Why does it matter to you where I go? I simply took a wrong turn, that’s all.”
“I have a right to be concerned when an unexpected guest arrives at a strange hour.”
“Huh, am I just that to you now that I have moved out? An unexpected guest?”
Alhaitham was slightly disturbed by that question. It was simply a choice of words that he strung together based on the current situation. Perhaps, he should have considered how foreign it made Kaveh.
“That’s not what I meant and you should know that.”
“How else am I supposed to know if you keep talking in circles? This is why I hate talking to you sometimes. You’re always like this.”
“Like what exactly? Care to explain your profound views?”
“An annoying roommate who refuses to explain himself. You’re always dancing around the topic and questioning things when they don’t fit your rigid logical explanations. We’re always arguing about this and that. It’s irritating each time I think about your provocations and your blatant disrespect for aesthetics-” Kaveh was harshly spitting out words as his vision turned blurry. He daren’t look in Alhaitham’s direction, afraid of how ridiculous he looked.
“-But, I don’t know why I just can’t let all this go. I should be happy that I won’t have to deal with the likes of you and yet…I can’t just walk away. Why can’t I move on from you? Why did I come back here? I just don’t understand.”
The tears that once brimmed to the surface of his eyes eventually spilt and coloured the sidewalk a darker shade of grey. Those hands and shoulders of the blonde trembled. Alhaitham had grown stiff as he comprehended those words.
It was quiet for a moment.
Alhaitham’s hand reached out to try and grasp Kaveh’s trembling shoulder. He called out,
“Kav-”
Kaveh then backed away, as though flinching from the mere thought of being touched or called by his name. He used his sleeve to wipe away the tears and gave Alhaitham one last frustrated smile.
“Gosh, this is so stupid. I’m sorry I came here without telling you. I’m heading back. Could you pretend that none of this happened, please Alhaitham.”
Kaveh then turned away to slowly walk back to his quiet apartment, which held no one else but him. His silhouette looked awfully small and shaky. As though, he would disintegrate into nothing if blown by the wind.
Alhaitham dropped his hands and stood there, watching until he could no longer see Kaveh. He sighed and walked into his house which still felt too big for one person.