baby, wait and see

by vesna (mrsronweasley)

Summary:

Jihyun goes on a beach vacation with his family and meets a beautiful surfing instructor. Things go from there.

Notes:

With huge thanks to Airinshaw for the idea & reading along, and brooklinegirl for reading along and betaing!! I had a lot of fun putting them into a different context and still falling in love in every universe. Title from the Beach Boys because it seemed appropriate.

Title: baby, wait and see
Rating: E
Tags: Alternate Universe, Jaewon the surfing instructor, first times,
Summary:

Jihyun goes on a beach vacation with his family and meets a beautiful surfing instructor. Things go from there.

Notes: With huge thanks to Airinshaw for the idea & reading along, and brooklinegirl for reading along and betaing!! I had a lot of fun putting them into a different context and still falling in love in every universe. Title from the Beach Boys because it seemed appropriate.

---

Saturday

Jihyun looks out the car window as his father pulls into the parking spot and is greeted by the ocean.

"We're here," his dad announces happily, and somewhat unnecessarily, already undoing his seatbelt.

His sister sighs loudly enough that his mother snaps, "Jihye-ya, we're here to have a nice family vacation. Please try, all right?"

"Yes, mom," Jihye grumbles, then says under her breath, "As if I could."

Jihyun ignores her, as he largely has for a while now, because her attitude makes him uncomfortable. Jihyun supposes it's because he never went through a rebellious teen phase—maybe if he had, he'd understand her better.

He opens the door and inhales. Fresh air with a salty bite to it assaults him immediately and he can't stop himself smiling, eyes squinting against the sun. He's not planning on going into the water—those boys from the Sea Cadets have made very sure of that—but it is lovely to look at. In the distance, he hears the waves crashing against the beach, the sound of the surf. This is certainly different from home.

"Everybody, grab your bag," Dad instructs, then takes out the biggest suitcase. Jihyun grabs his backpack, which isn't even stuffed full, and trudges after his parents, Jihye trailing him with her own bag.

"I have a reservation for two rooms under Kim," his dad tells the guy working the front desk of the hotel. He had been proud of that, proud that they could afford to rent two rooms on the beach, instead of all stuffing themselves into one for a whole week.

This does, of course, mean that Jihyun is sharing with his sister—a fact neither one of them is particularly thrilled about—but it's still better than listening to his father's snoring for seven nights in a row.

They're handed the keys and told to go down the hall and to the right, then take the elevator to the fourth floor. It feels good to move after spending hours in the backseat of the car, so he doesn't even mind the maze they go through just to get to the elevators.

"I guess this is fine," Jihye announces as they enter their room. There are two single beds, and one wall is entirely windows that face the ocean. Jihyun walks up to it and stares out at the waves. There are people surfing out there, and he finds himself filled with a strange sort of longing. How wonderful it must be to not be afraid.

"What are you smiling about?" Jihye asks, coming up beside him.

"Nothing. I'm not smiling."

She lets it go, and they stand there next to one another, staring out the window for a prolonged moment.

Then she sighs and leaves his side. Jihyun turns to watch her fall dramatically onto one of the beds—the one closest to the window, he notes. "Ugh. I can't believe I won't see my friends for a whole week."

Jihyun also won't see Joonpyo for a week, but he's fine with that. Even at university, they've been spending too much time together, not to mention the summer back home. It's definitely time for a break.

"You'll live," he tells her, then goes to put his backpack on the other bed. She tosses a pack of gum at him. From Jihye, that's practically a hug.

*

Jihyun's father doesn't have an itinerary for once.

"We are here to relax," he tells them over a late lunch. "Don't go wandering off too far afield, but…" He trails off, which Jihyun takes to mean, do whatever it is you young people want to do and I'll turn a blind eye to it. Jihyun exchanges a look with his sister, then looks down at his bowl of rice with kimchi. It isn't as though he's planning on partying into the wee hours of the morning—that's not exactly his style. But it does feel nice, knowing he can go off and explore on his own, without having to account for himself. He's missed that. Being back home has felt more stifling than he had anticipated.

After lunch, he takes his father up on his words and breaks away from his family, wandering down to the beach. It's windy, and even though it's the height of summer, he finds himself shivering a bit from the chilly ocean air. He takes off his shoes and walks towards the water, just to see. His feet make divots in the sand, and then a wave comes to meet him, tickling his toes. The water's a bit chilly, but it isn't frigid. Not like it had been during that field trip with the Sea Cadets. That trip had been in the spring.

A shout has him turning his head, and he sees a young woman on a surfboard wipe out the next moment. A young guy in a wetsuit makes his way through the water towards her, clearly checking up on her. She doesn't look upset, or terrified, the way Jihyun would be in her position. She laughs, shakes her head, and gets right back on the board. It's a bit hard to tell, but Jihyun thinks she might be smiling at the guy.

He turns away, then decides to walk further out. He doesn't put his shoes back on.

*

Dinner, they have together. Jihyun's mom looks quietly pleased, while his dad tells them about what he's done since they last saw him at lunch, which is: sit around and do nothing. Jihyun's happy for him—his dad is always working back home—but it's a dull enough retelling that he tunes him out, wondering what to do after dinner. Maybe he'll just sit by the water and listen to music, or take another walk along the beach. Whatever he ends up doing, he wants to do it alone, but when Jihye hops over to him after they've paid the bill and says, "I'm so bored, can we hang out?" he can't seem to actually say no.

She claps and squeals.

*

"Come on, don't be boring. You're an adult now, you've already spent a semester at university!" she wheedles as she tries to tug him towards the bar that she'd apparently spotted earlier. "We can't just spend a whole week not talking to other people. We should meet some of the locals! They must have fun stories to tell!"

"You're not even old enough to drink," he says, trying to reason with her. "And you don't actually like people."

"So? I'll get a soda or something! And it's only because people back home are boring. Anyway, you'll let me sneak in a few sips of soju now and then, won't you?"

Jihyun sighs and allows himself to be tugged inside the bar.

It's dim and loud—that's the first thing he notices. The second thing he notices is that it's filled to the brim with young people, as though he were back at university. Everywhere he looks, he sees people his age or a bit older sitting or standing around, drinks in hand. For a moment, he wants to walk right back out, but Jihye won't let him. Be brave, he tells himself, and advances inside.

The fight to get to the cooler is not as bad as he had expected, and he quickly grabs a beer for himself while Jihye finds a coke somewhere. They stand off to the side, with no available seats, and Jihye begins to look around herself curiously. Jihyun, with nothing better to do, does the same.

His first impression hadn't been wrong: it's mostly young people, and it's hard to tell if they're locals or tourists. Snatches of conversations begin to reach his ears, but the hubbub is too loud to really make anything out.

"This is cool!" Jihye shouts in his ear.

Jihyun isn't so sure about that. He shrugs, taking a sip of his beer, then catches her hopeful eye. He sighs, then says, "Don't tell mom and dad," and gives her the bottle to take a swig from. She returns it promptly after one swig, face screwed up.

"Ugh, how can people drink beer, it's so gross."

Jihyun laughs, then takes another sip. "You get used to it." The truth is, beer isn't his favorite, either, but he didn't feel like swigging soju straight from the bottle.

What happens next takes five, maybe ten seconds, but it knocks the wind out of him. Somebody close by says, "I'll be right back, I'm just going to—"

And then, before Jihyun knows it, they're walking straight into him, upsetting his beer and spilling it all down his front.

"Oh, shit!" The guy looks down at Jihyun's stained, dripping t-shirt, then up at Jihyun himself, and it's as though time stops. Jihyun feels all breath leave his lungs—the guy is beautiful—and the way he stares at Jihyun gives Jihyun a kick in his belly. They look at each other for a beat longer, Jihyun flushing, then the guy unfreezes and says, "I'm so sorry! I should have looked at where I was going, I didn't realize you were standing right there—" He attempts to swipe at Jihyun's t-shirt, but with no rag in hand, he ends up just patting the wetness into his skin more, which feels incredibly unpleasant.

"It's okay," Jihyun says, squirming away from his touch. "Really, it's fine. No harm done."

"No, but…" The guy looks a little stricken, which feels like an overreaction to a little spilled beer, unpleasant as it is. "Let me make it up to you, all right? The next one is on me. Why don't you come sit with us? We can make some room, yeah?"

"No, it's—"

"We'd love to!" Jihye pipes up next to them.

"Oh!" The guy turns and notices her for the first time. "Sorry, I hadn't seen you, either…"

"It's cool," she says, flirty smile in place. "I'm Kim Jihye. That's my brother, Kim Jihyun."

"Seo Jaewon," the guy says, sounding distracted, then turns back to Jihyun. "Well, Kim Jihyun, would you like to join us?"

Behind him, Jihye is making all sorts of faces at Jihyun, and he knows her well enough that he understands what she's after. Sighing internally, he says, "Sure. We'd love to join you."

"Great!" The guy throws an arm around his shoulders, jolting him like he's been electrocuted, and begins to steer him to a nearby table filled with people. Jihyun has to take a couple of breaths and talk himself through it very quickly before he's deposited at the table and pushed down to sit in a free space. "Hey guys, make room for Jihyun and Jihye. I spilled beer on him, so I'm making up for it."

The people at the table all shuffle around on the benches, squishing up together. There really isn't room for two extra people, but somehow, they make it work, anyway. Jaewon maneuvers himself so he's sitting across from them, then looks surprised as he says, "Your beer! I completely forgot. What are you drinking?"

Jihyun shows him the label on the bottle and Jaewon is up the next moment. Jihyun follows him with his eyes. Tall, lean, well-proportioned with long legs and a slim torso. Jihyun, who's just about his height as well but skinny and awkward, wonders what it must be like to move through the world with such ease.

"Here," Jaewon says once he's returned from the cooler. "Like I said, this one's on me, all right?"

Jihyun accepts the beer and nods. Jaewon grins at him, then takes a swig of his own drink, which looks like liquor of some sort. He sputters afterwards, the way you do, and sets his glass down.

"So, Jihyun-ah, Jihye-ya, what are you guys doing here?"

"Oh, we're on vacation," Jihye tells him instantly, pressing up close to Jihyun so she can lean in closer to Jaewon. Jihyun wishes she were less obvious about it.

"Oh! Cool. Tourists, then?"

"Yeah, I guess," Jihye says breezily. "We only got here today."

"And how long are you here for?" Jaewon asks, sounding genuinely curious.

"A week," she tells him promptly, then takes a sip of her coke. "What about you?" she asks a moment later. "Are you visiting or do you live around here?"

Jaewon grins and answers, looking, for some reason, at Jihyun. "I live around here. I'm a surfing instructor, actually."

A sudden memory of the woman on a surfboard, being helped by a guy in a wetsuit. Thinking back on it, it's the same dark hair, the same slim torso.

"Surfing? Really? That's so cool!" Jihye exclaims. Jihyun wonders when his sullen younger sister had been replaced by an excitable proxy, but Jaewon's good looks must have something to do with it.

"It's a bit of a living," he says, shrugging. Then he turns back to Jihyun. "If you guys are interested, I can get you a discounted rate."

Jihye giggles into her hands, then lowers them. "Really? You'd teach us?"

"Of course! Interested?" This is, once more, directed at Jihyun, and Jihyun can't help but read his face as almost hopeful. It's in the eyes. It feels impossible to deny his eyes.

Before he knows it, he's saying, "Sure," then clamping his mouth shut, because what the fuck, he can't even swim, what makes him think he can surf? He wasn't even going to go in the water.

"I'd love that!" Jihye says with another giggle, still sounding nothing like herself.

Jaewon grins at them both, then takes another swig of his drink. "Awesome," he says after wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. "Come by the surf club at nine tomorrow, I'll get you all sorted out."

Jihye claps her hands excitedly. All Jihyun can do is nod and cover up feeling flustered by taking another sip of his beer. He feels Jaewon's gaze on him the entire time.

*

Within one hour, Jaewon gets their entire life story out of them—well, out of Jihye—while Jihyun knows nothing about him, still, apart that he teaches surfing. Jaewon peppers them with questions, and when he hears that Jihyun goes to university in Seoul, looks at him with a half amused, half impressed expression. "A boy from the countryside in the big city," he says. "It must have taken some time to get used to."

Jihyun, tipsy on two beers, shrugs. "It did, but I like it. I like Seoul."

Jaewon leans in, sly smile in place. "What do you like about it?"

Jihyun considers how to answer. "I like all the people," he says slowly. "I like that you can get a little lost in it. I like the river."

"Ah, the River Han," Jaewon says a little dreamily. "I do miss that."

"Are you from Seoul?" Jihyun asks, somehow surprised.

"What, can't you tell?" Jaewon asks, one hand over his chest. "My big city vibes aren't coming through?"

Jihyun flushes and looks down into his beer bottle. "No, I just…"

"I'm teasing," Jaewon says, sounding a little soft. "Yeah, I'm from Seoul, but I prefer the beach, honestly. It's…simpler." He takes another shot of his drink, comes up making that kkhhhh sound people make when drinking liquor.

Jihyun realizes he's staring at his throat working and looks away. They should probably be going soon, though he can't think of a good reason why. He simply feels constricted, somehow, his skin too tight around his body, surrounded by people on all sides, loud conversations and louder laughter, and in front of him, a guy with eyes so intense, Jihyun feels as though he can see right through him.

He can't help looking at Jaewon as Jaewon chats with Jihye, glass held loosely in one hand, but when he does, Jaewon turns right to him and Jihyun feels like he's burning up again.

He has to leave. Before he knows what he's doing, he's stumbling up and out of his seat. "Sorry, I just…I'm pretty tired," he lies. "We should get going," he tells his sister, who looks at him with warning in her eyes. He ignores it.

"It's not even eleven!" she protests, then turns to Jaewon. "Tell him it's way too early."

Jaewon is watching him with some surprise. "Aren't you having a good time?" he asks. "We can get another round."

Jihyun is almost swayed, but he feels stupid, having stumbled up and then having to sit back down again. He decides to commit. "Sorry, no, I mean, thank you, but…come on, Jihye-ya," he says to his sister, ignoring her murderous stare. "We gotta go."

She grumbles as she gets out of her seat, then turns to Jaewon. "Sorry my brother is such a wet blanket. Anyway, did you say tomorrow at nine? Where should we go?"

Jaewon explains where the surf club is located, Jihyun not paying any attention, and then says, "I'll walk you guys out."

"Aww, that's nice," Jihye says with a giggle. Jihyun almost rolls his eyes at her. He doesn't want Jaewon to follow them, but it would be rude to decline, so he silently fights his way to the exit, feeling eyes on him the entire time.

The fresh ocean air feels incredible after the stuffiness of the bar and he breathes in, allowing the breeze to ruffle his hair.

"Ah, the ocean," Jaewon says dreamily from behind him. "There's nothing like it, is there?"

Jihyun wouldn't know about that, so he stays quiet. Jihye hums in agreement.

"Well," Jaewon says, and Jihyun is forced by politeness to turn around and face him. "It was good to meet the two of you. Have a safe walk back, yeah?"

"Thank you!" Jihye says.

Jaewon looks at Jihyun, making him break out in sweat, and says, "And sorry again for spilling on you. I'll see you tomorrow." Again, that intense stare boring right through him.

Jihyun nods jerkily. "It's all right. Thank you. Good night."

"Good night." Jaewon is smiling at him, head tilted, hands in the back pockets of his shorts.

Jihyun turns and grabs his sister's hand and trudges off, Jihye grumbling at him the whole time.

They're silent until they pass out of Jaewon's ear shot, and then Jihye drops his hand and says, "What the hell is wrong with you?"

"What?" he asks, surprised.

"It's a kid's bedtime, why did you make us leave?" she whines. "I was having such a nice time!"

"I'm tired," he lies. "Besides, we were taking him away from his friends. He felt like he had to talk to us, but he probably didn't really want to." When he turns to her, her gaze is sharper than he's seen in a while. "What?"

She rolls her eyes and looks away, trudging next to him on the sand. "Nothing. Weirdo."

He doesn't dignify that with a response.

---

Sunday

Jihyun wakes up on his own at five thirty am and can't get back to sleep. He rolls onto his side and looks out the window at the ocean, and before he knows it, he's getting up, pulling on yesterday's shorts and a fresh t-shirt that hasn't been spilled on, and quietly slipping out of the room, remembering to grab his key in time.

Outside looks deserted, and for a while, as he walks along the shoreline, he feels as though he's the only person on earth. It's just him and the great big ocean, waves crashing against the sand and retreating, time and again. He watches them, mesmerized, and before he knows it, he's walking into the water ankle deep. The coolness makes him shiver, and when the next wave comes, it soaks him to the knee, spraying his shorts up to his thigh. He grins and wonders if he can get away with wading into the water in just his underwear—there's no one around, after all—when he hears his name being called and turns around abruptly.

"Jihyun-ah!"

Jihyun's heart skips a beat and begins thundering in his chest, stomach writhing. He instantly recognizes the figure headed towards him in a wetsuit, surfboard tucked under one arm, waving with his free hand. Jaewon catches up with him easily, big grin already in place.

"Hello," Jihyun says, uncertain as to why Jaewon would walk all this way just for him.

"You're up early! Must be that early bedtime," Jaewon says without a trace of mockery. "Why are you up?"

Jihyun can't help asking, "Why are you?"

Jaewon laughs, making a face. "I'm always up early in the summer. Must be the light."

Jihyun isn't sure what to say to that, so he stays quiet.

"Wanna get in an early lesson, since we're both here?" Jaewon says, indicating the surfboard tucked under his arm.

"Oh, I—I'm not—I don't have—"

"We can grab you a wetsuit from the club. Here, come with me." Before Jihyun knows what's happening, Jaewon is grabbing his hand, dropping the surfboard onto the sand, and taking off, Jihyun forced to keep up. They walk at a fast clip, Jaewon all but dragging him along, chattering as they go. "I can help you get in it if you've never worn one." A kick inside Jihyun's belly, excitement and mortification mixed together. "I won't charge you or anything, as this is before hours, anyway. Just you and me."

Jihyun flushes, feeling adrift and out of control. All he'd wanted was a quiet walk on the beach, but—

"Here we are." Jaewon slides the glass door of the surf club open and, still holding onto Jihyun's hand, guides them inside. He finally drops his hand when he comes to the spot where wetsuits hang, empty and waiting. Jihyun watches as Jaewon looks at and discards a couple before grabbing a black one and turning to Jihyun. "Here, let's go into the changing room."

In the changing room, Jihyun is made to strip out of his t-shirt and shorts, his skin feeling as though it were on fire. Jaewon makes him sit on a bench while he kneels at his feet and Jihyun can't move a muscle as Jaewon looks up at him, all soft smile and innocent eyes. All Jihyun can think of is devouring him whole. It's wholly inappropriate and Jaewon has no idea the effect he's having on Jihyun. The strength of his desire shocks Jihyun himself—he's never wanted anyone on sight the way he does Jaewon. It's dangerous. He wants to cut and run, but Jaewon is already talking, explaining something about putting plastic bags over your feet so the suit slides on easier.

Jihyun goes through the motions, managing not to give himself away even as Jaewon touches his ankles to guide his feet through the suit, and then Jihyun is rising, Jaewon getting up with him, and turning him bodily around so he can zip him up. Jihyun wonders why he even needs a wetsuit, if it's summertime, but maybe there's a good reason. It feels stupid to ask. He swallows and forces himself to calm down, even as his heart beats a quick, staccato rhythm inside his chest.

Finally, Jaewon is finished zipping him up and gently turns Jihyun around. The touch sears even through the material of the suit. Jaewon is watching him with a small smile, hands making sure the suit sits well everywhere. Jihyun swallows through his dry throat and endures it.

"Well! You're ready now," Jaewon declares. "Shall we?"

They walk back to where Jaewon had abandoned the surfboard. The sun has risen more, and Jihyun itches beneath the suit. He does his best not to squirm.

"So. Have you ever actually surfed before?" Jaewon asks him curiously.

Jihyun shakes his head.

"You can swim, though, right?"

"I…I guess," Jihyun mumbles, ears aflame.

"You—you guess? Wait. You can either swim or you can't. Which one is it?" He doesn't sound judgmental, but Jihyun feels the embarrassment of it, anyway.

"I…I used to swim a bit in the valley," he offers.

"But that's not at all the same as swimming in the ocean!" Jaewon says, then scratches his head. "All right, well. Lay down on the board, I'll show you what to do."

Jihyun lies down on his back and Jaewon crouches down next to him and laughs. "You really have never surfed before, have you? Have you seen people surfing?"

Jihyun bites his lip and shakes his head.

Jaewon laughs, a kind sound, then says, "Lie down on your stomach, Jihyun-ah."

Oh. Jihyun manages to turn over, hoping he isn't blushing as much as he thinks he might be.

"Good, good. Okay, so here's what you do."

After ten minutes of instruction, Jihyun is ready to crawl out of his skin. Jaewon is everywhere: holding him up, hovering over him, his voice in Jihyun's ear. The closeness is liable to drive Jihyun out of his mind, and he's only half paying attention to the words Jaewon is actually saying. Still, eventually, he gets the picture somehow, and Jaewon declares him ready for water.

"We'll stay in the shallows, just in case," he says. "We can make this work."

They wade in, Jaewon's surfboard attached to Jihyun's ankle. The water doesn't make him shiver this time, which is probably why he's wearing the wetsuit. They walk until they're up to their waists, then Jaewon declares him ready to get on the board. As Jihyun climbs onto it, Jaewon's light touch on him as he guides him into position feels like a brand: his waist, his hips, everywhere Jaewon is, comes alive. Jihyun is finally where he's supposed to be, but Jaewon doesn't really move back.

"All right, now, use your arms the way we did on the sand, all right?" he instructs, and Jihyun does as told. "Good, good! Remember to lift yourself up, use your core, it'll make it easier—yeah, exactly that! Good. Now, what you're going to do is use that core and hop up until you're on your feet, then stand up. I will say take off when the time is right, yeah?"

Jihyun nods, water already making his eyelashes wet.

"Okay, wade away from me…that way, yep, good. Good, good… Now…wait for it… take off!"

Jihyun does as instructed. Wobbles, wipes out, falls in the water, sputtering. Quick flashes of memories: boys on top of him, not letting him up, water in his mouth and nose—

"Jihyun-ah!"

He shakes his head and manages to stand up, remembering he's a grown adult now and the water is only up to his waist.

Jaewon is on him the next moment, hands on his shoulders. "You all right? You okay?"

Jihyun swipes wet hair off of his face and nods, attempting to dry his face fruitlessly. "I'm okay."

"Good! Good. Everybody wipes out the first time. You'll probably wipe out more often than not today, but it's your first time, right? Let's try it again."

They do. Again and again, until finally, on the tenth time, Jihyun remains on his feet and Jaewon cheers, clapping on the sidelines, waist-deep in water.

"Well done!" he yells. "Let's do it again!"

By the time Jaewon decides they're done for the morning, the water no longer belongs just to them. Other early risers have invaded the beach, some swimming, some running along the shore. Jaewon looks exhilarated as he claps Jihyun on the back. "You did great! How do you feel?"

Jihyun can't help smiling at him, feeling a bit exhilarated himself. "Good. I feel good."

Jaewon beams at him. "Well, now you have to do something else."

"Oh?"

"You need to get your strength back. We're getting you ramen."

"Ramen?" It isn't exactly the breakfast that Jihyun had been planning on, but… "Okay," he agrees, even though he's certain that spending more time with Jaewon is not good for his health. His body is all awareness in a way it hasn't been in a while, not since his big, hopeless crush on a boy at school. He had been fifteen, and that had been the first time that he had really realized he might be different from the other boys. He'd had suspicions before, an inkling that maybe he wasn't really into girls the same way the other boys were, but then he'd fallen head over heels for Siwoo and that had been that.

Now, at nearly twenty-one, he's all nerve-endings as Jaewon leads them out of the water with his hand on Jihyun's back, the surfboard tied to Jihyun's ankle following them out. They drop it off at the club, then Jaewon leads him towards the cafe next door and deposits him at one of the tables outside. "Wait here, I'll be right back."

Jihyun feels overheated after the exercise, stifled by the wetsuit. He can't imagine that ramen won't make things worse, but he finds himself unable to say no to Jaewon in anything. He wonders what's wrong with him: he's known the guy for less than twelve hours, most of which he'd spent asleep. He sits there, waiting, and tries not to overthink it.

Jaewon returns in short order with two steaming servings of ramen and sets one down in front of Jihyun. "Here you go. Eat up." There's already chopsticks in the bowl.

"Thank you," Jihyun says as sweat prickles all up and down his skin. He tucks in.

He can feel Jaewon's gaze on him the entire time he's eating, and doesn't dare look at him. Instead, he squirms as he eats, but the ramen really is delicious.

"Ramen that you eat after surfing is the best," Jaewon says in a soft voice when Jihyun is about halfway through his bowl. "You like it?"

Jihyun finally looks up at him. Jaewon seems to have hardly touched his own meal, and he's watching Jihyun indulgently, making him feel flustered and uncertain. "Mn," he says. "It's very good. Thank you."

Jaewon smiles at him and goes to slurp up some of his own noodles.

Somehow, Jihyun manages to finish his bowl of ramen without spontaneously combusting under Jaewon's gaze. He sets down the chopsticks and drinks up the remaining broth, which really does taste absolutely delicious. When he looks up, Jaewon is already watching him. "Ready to hit the showers?"

"Oh, uh—"

"You have to return the wetsuit, remember?"

Right. Jihyun flushes, hoping it goes unnoticed, and nods. "All right."

"I've still got over an hour before I'm supposed to start work," Jaewon tells him as they make their way to the club showers. "Do you have to get back to your family?"

Probably, even though he sort of doesn't want to. This feels like a time out of place, dreamy and soft, and he isn't ready for Jihye's caustic brand of communication or his parents' expectations of what he should be doing. He shrugs. "We're on vacation, they probably want to do their own thing. My sister is excited for the surfing lessons, though."

Jaewon watches him, Jihyun feeling his gaze on him like a physical thing. "I was thinking we could walk on the beach for a bit, if you're up for it."

But why me? Jihyun wants to shout, confused and excited all at once. Why does Jaewon want him to stick around, what for? But he finds himself agreeing all the same, knowing he isn't ready to leave Jaewon's side, as much as it sends him into confusion and something else, something close to the surface, lurking just beneath his skin, setting his body alight.

Jaewon leads them to the locker room, where he asks Jihyun to unzip his wetsuit for him. Jihyun does, too aware of the skin he's uncovering beneath it. Jaewon smiles as he thanks him and then turns Jihyun bodily around so he can do the same for him. By the time Jihyun makes himself turn back towards Jaewon, Jaewon has already stripped out of the suit and his underwear. For a moment, Jihyun freezes at the sight of all that skin, his elegant long limbs and spare frame. Then, flustered, looks away. Behind him, Jaewon makes his way towards the showers.

Jihyun knows it's expected of him to do the same—strip down and shower, like all boys do after gym class, but there are only the two of them in here and it feels far too intimate for that. He's already fighting his body's reaction to the sight of Jaewon naked, he can't also be naked himself. He compromises and strips down to his waist so he can at least get some of the salt water off of himself.

Of course, it can't be that simple, as Jaewon calls him on it immediately. "We're both guys," he says, watching Jihyun approach him from under the spray. "Why are you still dressed?"

Jihyun doesn't know what to say to that. If anything, it feels like confirmation that Jaewon is straight and not interested in Jihyun. If he doesn't understand why Jihyun might be uncomfortable, he can't conceive of his desire. That's probably for the best, Jihyun tells himself as he realizes that he has to get naked, or his underwear will get soaked in the shower. He clears his throat and turns around to slither out of his suit and underwear, dumping both on a bench.

He isn't interested, so he won't care what you look like, he tells himself as he turns around and walks up to a shower without looking in Jaewon's direction. He pretends he can't feel Jaewon's gaze on him as he washes himself, then looks over when he sees movement: Jaewon has finished his shower and is walking back towards the locker room. Jihyun watches his long, lean body for a moment, then mentally slaps himself and turns back towards the wall.

It's probably the tensest shower he has ever taken.

Jaewon is waiting for him outside once he emerges in his own clothes, wet hair still clinging to his forehead. Jaewon is wearing a white t-shirt and shorts, flip-flops on his feet. Even his feet are attractive, Jihyun realizes with some dismay.

"Shall we?" Jaewon asks with a smile.

"Sure."

"So, Jihyun-ah," Jaewon says once they're walking down the beach, away from the club. Hands in pockets, he looks loose and relaxed. The opposite of how Jihyun feels. "What are you studying at university?"

"Oh, uh, I'm in fine arts," Jihyun tells him. "I'm an artist."

"An artist!" Jaewon looks over at him, impressed. "I can see that," he says. "You have an artist's gaze."

Jihyun has no idea what that means, but it sounds like a compliment. "What about you?" he asks in a fit of bravery. "Have you already graduated?"

Jaewon doesn't look at him as he strides alongside him, feet kicking up sand every now and then. "I have," he tells him, but doesn't elaborate.

Still, Jihyun is curious. "What did you study?"

Jaewon snorts. "Business. As you can see, I'm really making use of that degree."

"You didn't find a job?" Jihyun finds that hard to believe for some reason. Jaewon is so charismatic, he could have gotten a job based on his bearing alone.

Jaewon scoffs, but doesn't respond right away. Jihyun waits him out, wondering if he's misstepped somehow. Maybe Jaewon doesn't want to talk about himself and here Jihyun is, prying. He flushes and looks straight ahead.

"I did," Jaewon says finally. Jihyun turns to watch him. They're so close—shoulder to shoulder. Jihyun is too aware of Jaewon, too aware of how little space separates them, too aware of the warmth of his body. It flusters him, makes him want to pull away, walk further out, but he doesn't want it to seem as though he's put off by Jaewon. "I chose to do this, instead."

Jihyun has a million questions for him, but he bites his tongue in case he missteps again. He finds the most innocuous question he can. "How long have you been a surfing instructor?"

"A little over a year," Jaewon tells him. "It's a living."

"You like doing it?"

"I do." Jaewon smiles at him. "I like the moment when someone finally gets it and is able to complete their first surf. Like you, today." He nudges Jihyun's shoulder with his own. Jihyun burns at the touch.

He ducks his head. "I wasn't any good."

"Sure you were—you're just starting out. Once you get more confidence, it'll get easier. Trust me." He grins again. "I'm an expert."

The sun is already high in the sky and, once they turn back around, Jihyun sees that the beach is now dotted with people settling in for the morning under their umbrellas. Jaewon turns quiet as they walk back, and Jihyun doesn't know how to break the silence, so he walks next to him and wonders what next.

"Well, I better get ready for work," Jaewon tells him once they're back where they started. "Are you gonna come with your sister?"

Jihyun thinks he's had enough surfing for the day, but… "Yeah, I'll come. Maybe I'll watch."

Jaewon grins. "Well, we'll see about that." Then he puts a gentle hand on Jihyun's shoulder, drops it, and says, "See you in a bit." Before Jihyun can say a single word, he's striding off, hands stuffed in the pockets of his shorts.

*

"You what?" his mother asks them at breakfast, where Jihyun pokes at the fruit on his plate and doesn't actually feel like eating, still full from the ramen.

"We're going to learn to surf," Jihye responds, shoving a spoonful of rice in her mouth. "We met one of the instructors last night and he offered to teach us."

Their mother blinks. "Can you even swim?"

Jihye shrugs, unconcerned. "It'll be fine. Can we have some money, though? I don't know how much it will be."

Their parents exchange a look, their father frowning slightly, then shrugging. "I suppose it can't hurt… Just be careful, you two."

"Of course, daddy!" Jihye says, beaming.

Jihyun hasn't told her that he's already had his first lesson, which is stupid—Jaewon is sure to mention it.

At 8:45, Jihye drags him outside. "We're gonna be late!" she tells him.

"Why are you so excited about this?" Jihyun asks her, already knowing the answer.

"Aren't you? We're going to learn to surf, that's fucking cool!" she tells him. Jihyun is certain that Jaewon's good looks have something to do with this level of excitement, and experiences a moment of deep amusement at both of them having a crush on the same guy. He tries not to dwell on it, because it is kind of embarrassing.

He realizes he needs to tell her or she'll get upset. "Actually," he says as matter-of-factly as possible, "I already started learning, a little."

"What? When?" She stops and turns to him.

He watches her carefully. "This morning. I was up early and ran into Jaewon-sunbae and he wanted to get started."

"What!" She looks shocked, but not upset. "He just taught you, just like that?"

Jihyun shrugs, trying to make it look as natural as possible. "Yeah. So I'll probably skip the lesson this morning, let him focus on teaching you."

She narrows her eyes at him, tilting her head, then shrugs. "Better for me. Will you still be there?"

"Do you want me to be?" he asks, curious.

She shrugs again, but it looks less natural. "I don't care."

Jihyun realizes that she does, in fact, care, and says, as casually as possible, "I'll stick around."

The idea of seeing Jaewon again makes him nervous. What if Jihye notices something? Then again, Jihye is seventeen and notices nobody but herself, so maybe he's in the clear.

"You guys made it!" Jaewon says when they walk through the club door and look around. He hops up from his perch and makes his way over to them. "Jihyun-ah, feeling okay after this morning?"

Jihyun nods, not trusting himself to speak. Next to him, Jihye is practically bouncing on her toes. "Good morning, sunbae," she says, sounding restrained enough, but Jihyun knows better.

Jaewon greets her with a smile, then turns to Jihyun. "So, you guys ready?"

"I think I'll just—"

But Jaewon doesn't let him finish. "Let's get you guys all sorted out with equipment, all right?"

Jihyun tries again. "I don't really think—"

Jaewon turns to him, his face a perfect picture of innocence and attentiveness. "Hmm?"

"I just—I've already had my lesson, I was going to let Jihye do this and—"

"Well, what sort of a group lesson is that? No, you're coming, too." Jaewon puts a hand on the small of Jihyun's back, making him break out in sweat.

"Aren't there more people coming?" Jihyun asked, still frozen by the intimate touch.

"Nobody's signed up so far. Now, come on, the waves are calling."

"Yeah, oppa, come on!" Jihye says with a sharp look, and it's that look that makes Jihyun move his feet and go where Jaewon is steering him.

Jaewon ends up standing outside the women's locker room, instructing Jihye on how to put on her wetsuit through the door. This one can apparently be done by yourself without having someone else zip you into it, unlike the one Jaewon had given Jihyun earlier this morning. Jihyun struggles into his own wetsuit, managing to wriggle into it eventually, then ends up having to go outside and have Jaewon zip him up once again. Jaewon does it slowly, with care, and his proximity makes Jihyun sweat more than any hot day ever could. He swallows and steps back as soon as Jaewon has finished zipping him up.

Jaewon grins at him and calls out, "Jihye-ya, are you all set?"

"Yep!" She bounces out of the locker room, looking uncharacteristically bright-eyed and bushy-tailed. Jihyun fights an eye roll.

"Excellent," Jaewon says with a smile, then turns back to Jihyun. "Help me into the wetsuit?"

Jihyun frowns—can't Jaewon zip himself up? How does he do it every day?—but nods in agreement. When back in the locker room, he is, once again, faced with Jaewon's skin all on display as Jaewon strips down to his underwear. Jihyun turns away until Jaewon calls out his name and turns his back to him, waiting to be zipped up. Jihyun does it as quickly as possible, stepping back as soon as it's done. Jaewon turns around and grins at him before grabbing his wrist and pulling him back outside where Jihye is waiting.

They grab a board each and then get towed along to the beach by a chatting Jaewon. "The waves are perfect today," he tells them. "Jihyun-ah already knows. By the way, Jihye-ya, are you able to swim?"

She wrinkles her nose. "Sort of? I've been in a friend's pool, but…"

"No worries, I'll teach you," Jaewon says.

Once in the water, Jihyun doesn't know what to do. He attempts to melt into the background as Jaewon explains the mechanics to Jihye, but Jaewon won't let him, pulling him back in with a look or a grin and, sometimes, a hand to his shoulder. It makes a mess of his brain, as well as internal body temperature, and he begins to wish he weren't wearing a wetsuit at all.

Jihye turns out to be better on the board than him. Jaewon whoops the first time she stands up and stays up, and Jihyun is impressed despite himself. Jihye glows under the praise Jaewon heaps on her and for a few minutes, Jihyun is blissfully forgotten, standing in the cool water and simply watching.

His reprieve doesn't last long. Jaewon turns his considerable attention onto him, and Jihyun is, once again, plunged into unknown waters. He wishes Jaewon was less attentive, less attractive, less…everything that he seems to be. He wishes he was less kind, even, anything to make Jihyun be able to breathe normally. He feels like a hopeless fool.

"Okay, let's try again," Jaewon tells him after the third time Jihyun wipes out. "I think you're not confident enough. You have to believe you can do it. Make yourself so sturdy, nothing can knock you over."

Easier said than done, but Jihyun attempts it, picturing himself as an immovable trunk whose roots have spent decades growing into the ground.

"Use your core!" Jaewon calls out just as a wave comes up and rocks Jihyun from side to side. He tenses every muscle he has and finally manages to stay upright and ride out the wave, the exhilaration of it making him breathless.

Both Jaewon and Jihye cheer as he slows to a stop, then Jaewon is running over to him as fast as one can run in water, and grabbing his shoulders. "See? You can do it! Well done!"

Jihyun swipes water off of his face and nods, unable to stop himself from grinning.

"Let's go again!" Jaewon says with an answering grin.

They do. They go again and again for a full hour, Jihye continuing her success streak, Jihyun a little more shaky, but getting there.

"You guys are doing great!" Jaewon continues to be his cheerful, easy-going self, beaming at them both. He also continues to touch Jihyun easily, as though they've known each other for ages instead of twelve hours: a shoulder touch here, a stroke of his back there, and every time, it sets Jihyun's skin aflame beneath the suit. It takes him forever to notice that Jaewon hasn't touched Jihye even once.

"Well, how do you both feel?" Jaewon asks once they're out of the water.

"Like I could eat a horse," Jihye says, laughing.

"Being in the water will do that," Jaewon responds. Droplets run down his face, which he doesn't bother to wipe off, and Jihyun realizes he's staring and tries to look away, but Jaewon catches him. Their gazes meet for a breathless moment before Jihyun turns away, feeling flustered and caught out. He has to get a hold of himself. He can't be so wholly undone by a beautiful man as easily as this. It's embarrassing. "Jihyun-ah, what about you?"

"Oh, I'm—I'm not hungry." I already had two breakfasts, he doesn't say. "But I feel good. That was a lot of fun. Thank you, sunbae."

Jaewon beams at him.

"Well, this is where I leave you guys," he tells them at the club. "I've got private lessons for the rest of the day."

"Oh!" Jihyun suddenly remembers that this is Jaewon's job. "How much do we owe you?"

Jaewon gives them a quote, and Jihyun pays with his parents' account, as agreed.

"You guys want to come back tomorrow?" Jaewon asks once they're done.

"Yes, please!" Jihye says before the sentence is fully out of his mouth. Jihyun's heart beats fast and hard inside his ribcage.

"Awesome. Same time?"

Jihye nods, still smiling. Jihyun nods, too, biting the inside of his cheek.

They change back into their clothes and by the time they're out of the locker rooms, Jaewon is gone. They trudge back to the hotel through the sand, Jihye chattering the entire time.

*

It turns out, a beach vacation is sort of boring. Jihyun had brought books with him, as well as his sketchbook and pencils, but his attention is constantly pulled by other people as his family sits on the beach under their umbrella. His father is dozing, his mother is buried in a book, Jihye in her phone. Jihyun feels restless, however, as though if he sits here for one moment longer, he'll go out of his mind.

He goes for a walk.

For the first time in a while, he finds himself missing Joonpyo, if only to have someone to talk to. As soon as they were back at the hotel, Jihye had switched back to being a sullen teenager and largely ignored him, which he supposes he's fine with. His parents are busy enjoying doing nothing. He walks on the beach and he listens to music.

He finds himself watching the water for a familiar figure, but now there are so many people around that it's impossible to see who is who. That's probably for the best, because this madness needs to end. He's simply forgotten what it's like to have a crush on someone, and turns out, it's rather excruciating.

He goes back to his family's umbrella, his mother giving him a smile before returning to her book. He opens up his sketchbook, grabs a pencil. He draws for long enough that the sunlight shifts directions, and only resurfaces when his mother declares that she needs a proper nap and returns to the hotel. His father follows, leaving the two of them alone.

"Ugh," Jihye grouses. "I'm so bored. This is stupid. I wish we could have brought friends or something."

Jihyun agrees with a hum. "Go take a walk, it's better than just sitting here," he suggests, pen already poised over paper. He wasn't done drawing yet.

"Ugh." Jihye gets up and adjusts the seat of her bathing suit. "All right, I'll be back. Watch our stuff."

Jihyun is already back to drawing by the time she walks off. He draws what he sees and he also draws from memory, sketching out a figure surfing, body ready to spring up, an unstoppable force of a wave beneath it.

He loses himself once again until a shadow falls over his sketchbook and he looks up, startled.

It's Jaewon.

"Jihyun-ah," he says quietly. "All alone?" He ducks under the tall umbrella. Jihyun feels as though he must have manifested him. "Is that a sketchbook? Can I see?"

Before Jihyun can say a single word, Jaewon slides the sketchbook from his slack hand and looks down. Jihyun tries to get it back—"No, wait…"—but Jaewon is quicker and moves it out of Jihyun's reach.

"Come on, I just want to see," he says with a grin. "Wow, you're really good," he murmurs as he lowers it back down and begins to flip from page to page. "You drew all of these?"

Jihyun bites his lip and nods. "Yeah, who else?"

Jaewon snorts without looking up and continues slowly flipping pages. "Oh, hey, that's this spot right here, isn't it?" He looks over at the ocean dotted with small figures, then back to the sketchbook. "Wow."

Jihyun watches his face, the way his eyes are heavy on the page, mouth slightly slack as he takes it in. It's flattering, this attention.

He clears his throat. "Can I have it back now?"

"Wait, hang on…" Jaewon flips to the last page where the sketched out figure surfs over a wave. "This is really good." He smiles down at the drawing. "Is that me?"

Jihyun feels his cheeks burning. "No," he lies. "It's just someone surfing."

Jaewon makes an impressed face, then finally surrenders the sketchbook. "So, Jihyun-ah," Jaewon says, looking him in the eye. "What are your plans for the rest of the trip?"

"Oh, uh—" He has no idea. They only just got here yesterday, and his dad had told them there was no itinerary. "I'm not sure, to be honest."

"Well," Jaewon says slowly. "You should come out with me and my friends tonight. We're going clubbing."

Jihyun flushes. He's only been to a club once, in Seoul, when Joonpyo had dragged him. It had been expensive and excruciatingly awkward. Joonpyo had left him pretty quickly after finding a girl he liked, and Jihyun was forced to stand around by himself while everybody danced and drank around him. "Oh, I'm not sure…"

"It'll be fun, you'll see. I promise to make it a good time for you," Jaewon says with such confidence that it nearly sways Jihyun.

"I'm not much of a dancer," he tries. I would only drag you down, he doesn't add.

"Oh, come on, nobody can really dance at clubs, anyway. It's the vibe, not the dancing," Jaewon wheedles. Why is he so insistent on Jihyun joining him? It isn't as though he doesn't have actual friends.

Jihyun almost asks, but chickens out at the last moment. "I…"

"My treat," Jaewon says. "On me, okay?"

"Oh, I can't—I'll come, but I'll pay for myself," he blurts out, then wants to kick himself. He hadn't meant to agree, not at all. Then again, what was he going to do, spend the night with his parents and sister at the hotel, reading? Maybe…maybe this won't be so bad.

"Well, we'll see about that," Jaewon says with a happy smile. "Awesome. I'll grab you at the hotel lobby at ten."

"Ten?" Jihyun asks in a daze.

"Yeah, sure, we'll pregame at a bar first," Jaewon says like any of this makes sense. It doesn't.

"Okay," Jihyun agrees. "Ten."

Jaewon grins. "Well, that's my lunch break just about up. I gotta get back out there." A weird wave of disappointment goes through Jihyun. "I'll see you tonight, Jihyun-ah."

"Tonight," he says, still feeling as though somebody has hit him over the head with a shovel.

Jaewon grins and slides his sunglasses back on before waving and loping off.

Jihyun sighs and sags back against his seat. What has he just agreed to, and, more importantly, why? Well, he knows why. But he would rather not examine it. He would rather pretend it's because he really is bored and there's not much else to do, instead of…the other thing. Which he knows, anyway. You can stop lying to yourself, he tells himself.

"Hey, oppa." Jihyun jumps. Jihye looks at him with some degree of disdain, but it's short-lived. "What have you been up to?"

Instead of answering, he counters with, "You were gone a while. What were you doing?"

It isn't like them to interrogate one another, but he doesn't feel like telling her the truth or lying, so deflection it is.

"Taking a walk, what did you think I was doing?" she asks, dropping down to the seat recently vacated by Jaewon. "You're so weird." She grabs her phone and settles more firmly in the chair. She's lost to her phone after that, and since she's back, Jihyun realizes that he's free to leave.

"I'm going back to the hotel," he tells her. "Will you be all right?"

She waves him off. "I'm fine, bye."

Easy enough. He grabs his stuff and trudges back to the hotel through the throng of beach-goers, being careful not to step on anybody's blanket.

*

"You're going where?" his father asks at dinner. "With whom?"

Jihyun hadn't been planning on telling his parents, but realized soon enough that Jihye would have spilled the beans, and asking her to lie for him felt bad. Now, all three of them are staring at him with various degrees of astonishment.

"Clubbing? You?" Mom asks in a rather unflatteringly amazed tone.

"Yes," he mumbles, then takes another bite of his pork. "With someone I met here."

If looks could kill, Jihye would have murdered him already. "You're going clubbing with Jaewon and you didn't think to invite me?" she asks, her tone knife's edge sharp.

"You won't get in," Jihyun tells her with a slight roll of his eyes. "You're not nineteen yet."

"Ugh." She sets down her fork a little too loudly, slumps back in her chair, and crosses her arms over her chest. "Figures."

"Jihye-ya, please," mom says quietly. "Behave yourself."

Jihye purses her mouth, but doesn't say anything.

"When will you be back?" his father asks.

"I'm…not sure. Late." Jihyun feels himself flushing. Why does this feel illicit, when he's of age, is already an adult, and not hiding anything? Besides his crush. He hopes he's hiding his crush.

"Well," his dad says, exchanging a look with his mom. "I suppose I can't really stop you. Be safe and don't drink too much."

"Ha," Jihye says under her breath. "You better be fresh as a daisy for tomorrow's surfing lesson."

"I'll be fine," Jihyun tells her, irrationally irritated.

"Fine."

"Fine."

"Children, please," mom asks, sounding both fond and exasperated all at once. "You're both old enough to stop acting like little kids."

They both look at one another, Jihye's eyebrow raised in a challenge. Jihyun rolls his eyes and tucks back into his meal. If he's going to be drinking for hours, he better get a good base going.

*

Jaewon takes him to the same bar where they'd met the night before. Jihyun can't believe it's only been a day of Jaewon, it feels like so much longer than that. "I know it's loud, but it's pretty cheap and easy enough to get seats," he tells Jihyun, leaning in close enough that Jihyun can smell him: slight sweat and citrus. It feels intimate, knowing how he smells. Jihyun does his best to abstract himself from the knowledge.

"Jaewon!" someone calls out, and Jaewon turns towards the voice.

"Hey! We'll be right there!"

Before Jihyun knows what's happening, Jaewon grabs his hand and pulls him towards the drinks cooler. Jihyun breaks out in sweat under his clothes. He hadn't really brought anything on vacation with him to go clubbing in, so he hopes the shirt and pants he'd chosen will be acceptable. It's a bit too hot for pants, but he didn't think shorts would be allowed. Jaewon himself looks—well, he looks hot as hell. He's got a gray t-shirt on and tight black jeans which show off his legs in their best light. Jihyun had nearly swallowed his tongue when he'd seen him, and he had already seen most of him as it was. Still, with some product in his hair and the killer smile when he'd spotted Jihyun in the hotel lobby, Jaewon looked amazing. Jihyun was certain he himself looked exactly like someone who'd only been to a club once. In other words, an amateur.

"What are you having?" Jaewon asks over the general din of the bar. "On me."

"Oh, no, I can't—"

"You can get the next round," Jaewon allows with a smile. "So?"

"Soju. Please." Jihyun watches as Jaewon grabs a bottle of soju for him, then a beer for himself.

"All right, let's go find my friends," Jaewon says after handing Jihyun his drink and, once again, takes Jihyun's hand as though it was nothing out of the ordinary. Maybe for him it isn't. Maybe this is just how Jaewon is with everyone, Jihyun thinks a little hysterically.

Still sweating from their proximity, Jihyun follows Jaewon to a table where two spots have been left open for them. Jaewon lets go of his hand and drops down onto a seat, turning his face up at Jihyun expectantly. Belatedly, Jihyun sits in the empty seat next to him. Jaewon gives him a grin. "I think you met everyone last night," he says as his friends—a mixture of guys and girls—wave at them. "Everyone, this is Jihyun-ah. He's joining us tonight."

People greet him and Jihyun endures it, feeling shy and completely out of his depth. He doesn't join in on any conversation, choosing to drink and observe, instead, but occasionally, Jaewon will bring him into the fold, anyway. It's nice, Jihyun supposes, though it also makes him nervous when he can only make out every other word over the music and general conversation. It makes him feel as though he's missed a step, somehow, and does his best to cover up the fluster of it all.

By the time he's on his second drink, he's feeling marginally more relaxed. Until, that is, Jaewon throws a casual arm around his shoulders as he laughs at someone's joke. Jihyun freezes, feeling hot and uncomfortable. Not so much from the touch as his own reaction to it, the way his entire body had shivered as Jaewon touched him. He can smell him again beneath the alcohol, and it makes him dizzy, drives him a little bit crazy. He experiences a strange moment of wanting to stick his face just underneath Jaewon's jaw and inhale. He mentally shakes himself off. That's…ridiculous. He's ridiculous.

Jaewon doesn't drop his arm for a good long time, long enough for Jihyun to move onto drink number three that somebody else gets for him. He should probably slow down if he's going to make it through tonight but, well. It is making him feel better.

"Jihyun-ah, what are you studying at university?" a girl whose name he should know but absolutely does not asks him.

"Jihyun-ah here is an artist," Jaewon says before Jihyun can even open his mouth to respond. "He's really good, too, I've seen his sketchbook."

Jihyun flushes, hoping no one will notice. The girl makes an impressed face. "That'll make it hard to find a job afterwards, won't it?"

Jihyun finally finds his voice. "Not necessarily," he says. "There are jobs out there for artists, you just have to find them." He clears his throat. "But…it won't be easy, I guess." He shrugs.

The movement causes Jaewon's arm to slip off his shoulders, and then Jaewon takes it away entirely. Jihyun panics for a moment, hoping Jaewon didn't think that Jihyun wanted him to stop touching him, although it occurs to him he sort of did. But not really. It's all wildly confusing, and all in all, he's largely relieved by the time midnight rolls around and everybody pays and sets off towards the club.

"It's not a long walk," Jaewon tells him.

Somebody else passes them on the way out and says, "Yeah, not so long that you'll have a chance to sober up," then winks and lopes off. Jihyun laughs despite himself.

He isn't drunk, but he is definitely tipsy, a pleasant buzz beneath his skin. He is incredibly aware of Jaewon walking next to him—still; constantly aware—and does his best to walk in a straight line and not bump into him.

Jaewon is quiet, but when Jihyun chances a glance over at him, he's smiling. He looks…incredibly cute when he smiles like that. Younger, somehow. Jihyun puts his eyes up front again and puts one foot in front of the other.

The club is loud, throbbing with bodies, and Jihyun knows, it will only get more packed with time. Jaewon leads him towards the bar with a hand on his lower back, and Jihyun sweats beneath it, his throat drying out. Why does that feel more intimate than holding his hand, even? More intimate than the arm Jaewon had thrown over his shoulder at the bar? Maybe it's because he can feel Jaewon's warmth behind him. He's certain that, if he were to concentrate, he would feel Jaewon's breath, that's how close they are.

Once they've bellied up to the bar, Jaewon leans in until his lips are right next to Jihyun's ear, probably to be heard better over the throbbing music. "Jihyun-ah, ever have an agwa bomb?"

Jihyun frowns and pulls back, shaking his head. "I haven't, what is it?"

Jaewon grins and orders two. They come in the strangest glass Jihyun has ever seen: a double-barreled sort of thing, with one type of liquid in the bottom half, and one on top.

"Here," Jaewon says after paying—Jihyun didn't even have a chance to try—and hands one of the glasses to Jihyun. "Try it. Cheers!" He lifts his own glass in invitation.

Jihyun taps their drinks together, then puts his lips on the rim of the glass and hesitates for a moment, before throwing it back the way Jaewon had. He doesn't sputter, thank god, but it is strong. Even as he drinks it, he's watching Jaewon's throat work, a light sheen of sweat in the dip that Jihyun has the perverse desire to lick.

Finally, the drink is all gone and they both set down their glasses with a clink onto the slick surface of the bar. Jihyun feels as though his eyes are bugging out of his head.

"Well? What do you think?" Jaewon asks, grin firmly in place.

"It's good," Jihyun tells him. He did enjoy it—it was just different from anything else he's ever had.

"Ready to go out there and dance?" Jaewon is already reaching for his hand.

"Oh, uh—" But Jihyun doesn't get a chance to further object, because Jaewon grabs his hand and leads him to where everyone is dancing.

Jihyun talks himself through it: he's not the worst dancer in the world, and he can probably fake it, if need be. All he needs to do is find the rhythm and then he can just…move a bit. It doesn't have to be complicated.

He sweats absolutely everywhere as Jaewon finds them a spot, and turns towards him, which is when it occurs to Jihyun that he won't just be dancing in a vacuum—he'll be dancing with Jaewon, who will…also be dancing. Already starting to, in fact, as Jihyun stands there, caught like a deer in the headlights.

Move, he tells himself. Move something!

He starts to move his hips a bit to the rhythm, trying to copy Jaewon, who's watching him with a sideways grin. He looks much more natural dancing than Jihyun suspects he himself does, but there's only so much he can do about that. And as they continue to dance, he feels Jaewon get closer and closer to him, which throws him into more confusion, because surely not. Surely, this beautiful guy who could have anyone, is not into Jihyun, who feels awkward in his body even as he's doing his best not to, who's never even—he's never even kissed anyone, and he's fairly certain it's written all over his face. But even as he attempts to make sense of what's happening, Jaewon gets close enough to wrap his hands around Jihyun's waist, and Jihyun nearly loses it, stumbling in his rhythm.

The thing is…it feels good. It feels incredibly good—warm, solid, possessive. Nobody has ever touched him this way, nobody has ever gotten the chance. Jihyun knew fairly early on that he was gay, and there was just no way that anybody in his school was going to find out. He didn't know any gay guys there at all—if there were others, they were keeping as mum as Jihyun. And at university, Jihyun still wasn't sure how to even go about finding other gay people, and while a few girls had tried to get close to him, he didn't know what to do about it. He made a friend, once he found out she wasn't actually interested in him romantically, but only as a friend, but doesn't really know anybody else besides the people Aeri has introduced him to. He has seen clumps of friends from his department moving about campus but never known exactly how to join in, so he's stayed on the periphery.

And nobody has ever been as bold as Jaewon, who is now so close to Jihyun, all he has to do is lean in a few centimeters and his lips are, once again, next to Jihyun's ear.

"You're a good dancer," he tells him—a blatant lie.

Jihyun laughs despite himself and responds with, "You probably haven't known too many good dancers."

Jaewon laughs with his whole body, throwing his head back and exposing his throat. Jihyun drinks him in, and he thinks: is this really happening? Is he ready for it to happen? He has no idea what he's doing, and anyway, he's probably overreacting, and Jaewon is just being flirty without any sort of intent, and—

"Jihyun-ah," Jaewon says, and even beneath the thrum of the bassline and din of conversation, it sounds intimate, sounds almost…possessive. "You're very funny."

Jihyun scoffs—nobody has ever accused him of being funny—and is about to say you probably haven't known too many funny people, either, when Jaewon closes the distance between them and kisses him.

Jihyun freezes in place.

Jaewon's hands are hot like brands on his waist, and his mouth is warm against Jihuyn's mouth, and Jihyun has no idea what to do or how to respond to a kiss, but he knows a chance when it's staring him in the face, and he has seen kissing before on TV and whatnot. But before he has a chance to do anything, Jaewon pulls back and looks at him, and for the first time since they met, he looks uncertain. As though nervous, which is. Ridiculous. Jihyun bites his lip and does the bravest thing he has ever done in his whole entire life: he kisses him back. The bizarre thought that runs through his mind as he does is, Jihye is going to kill me.

Jaewon responds immediately, opening up for it, and Jihyun follows suit, relief and excitement warring inside his body. His heart is pounding, blood thrumming through his veins, something new pooling low in his belly, a swirl of heat that only keeps expanding as they kiss.

Because they are still kissing, and Jihyun thinks he might never stop now that he's started. Jaewon smells incredible up close, especially now, especially now that Jihyun is kissing him. There's no hesitance left at all, not for either of them. They're hip to hip, and that feels…the heat in his belly only increases, and his head is swimming with it all. Jaewon's hands are on his waist, both gentle and firm at once, and then they move to his lower back and the two of them are pressed together completely, no room left between them at all.

It's as though something knocks Jihyun back and he breaks off, panting. He realizes—they're kissing in the middle of a crowd, which is bad, and they're two guys, which is even worse. "I—"

Jaewon's eyes are heavy, his mouth slick. "What is it, are you—"

"Not here," Jihyun manages. "It's—not here."

Something like relief flickers across Jaewon's features and he immediately lets go of Jihyun. "You're right, I'm sorry, I just—" He looks around them, where nobody seems to be paying them any attention—people are too busy dancing, thank god—then turns back to Jihyun. "Would you…" He seems to hesitate, which is strange, considering how not hesitant he's been up till now. "Would you want to go somewhere else?"

Jihyun bites his lip against a grin, but it slips out despite his best efforts. "Sure. Yeah. I would…I would like that."

Jaewon grins back and then grabs his hand and pulls him away. Jihyun follows, belly fluttering with excitement. He has no idea where Jaewon is taking them, and he doesn't really care, as long as it's for more kissing.

Jaewon leads them through the throng of people, past the circular bar, through a hallway, and—

"Are we leaving the club?" Jihyun asks, having to shout over the thumping of the music. "Didn't you want to dance?"

Jaewon throws him a grin. "Who cares about dancing when I've got you?"

Jihyun flushes, and it's probably obvious even in the dimness of the club. He nearly stumbles, too, but manages to avoid it in time. It's just that—nobody has ever—this is so new—

Jaewon's path leads them straight out of the club and into the cool air of the night. Jihyun immediately feels like he can breathe, but it doesn't last, because as soon as they're out of sight of the bouncers, Jaewon pushes him up against the wall and kisses him. Despite the desperation between them, his kisses are soft, gentle, almost questioning. Jihyun is the one to deepen things, sliding his tongue against Jaewon, stomach swooping as Jaewon gives a low groan and answers in kind. It feels absolutely incredible, this awareness, this intimacy. Jihyun feels like any touch will send sparks through his whole body as though he were a live wire.

Jaewon's hands are planted on the wall, bracketing Jihyun in. If he wants to be touched, Jihyun will have to make it happen himself.

"Hyung," he says, breaking off, his breath against Jaewon's lips. "Hyung—"

Jaewon pulls back and grins. "You called me hyung," he says, then leans back in. "Do it again."

"Hyung, touch me," Jihyun says, emboldened by the dizzying feeling of being wanted.

Jaewon looks like he wants to eat him alive and the next moment, his hand slides down the side of Jihyun's neck and over his chest, a slow, heated journey. Jihyun suppresses a full-body shiver. Jaewon's other hand lands on his waist, then wraps around his back and pulls him in until their hips are touching. Jihyun should have thought things through, because he's definitely a little hard from the kissing, and now—

He jolts when he realizes that Jaewon is hard, too, and not a little. Their gazes meet for a second before Jaewon leans back in and they're kissing again. It's less gentle this time, more desperate. Jihyun's stomach swoops with nearly sickening excitement, and his head swims from desire. He's never, ever felt desire like this. He's never felt anything like this, and having a crush may be excruciating, but having his crush returned is possibly the best feeling in the world.

A peal of laughter forces them apart. Jihyun looks over in a panic, but the girls spilling out of the club take no notice of them. Still, they're much too vulnerable out here. He turns back to Jaewon, startling a little at how close he still is. "Hyung, let's go somewhere else."

Jaewon's gaze is heavy as he looks at him. "Sure. I know a place we can go." Then he pulls back, leaving Jihyun cold everywhere they had been touching just a moment ago. "Come with me."

They wind up at the beach. Jihyun protests that he'll get sand everywhere, but Jaewon points to a wind machine. "You can blow it all off later." Considering how few options they really have, the sand will have to do. Jihyun drops down.

They kiss sitting up at first, legs crossed, until Jihyun decides that it isn't close enough, and then he pushes Jaewon onto his back, earning himself a surprised laugh and a grin, and kisses him like that. Jaewon instantly wraps his arms around his back, slots their legs together. His hardness is still there, the knowledge of it so intimate it makes Jihyun's head spin. He himself is equally hard now, and while he isn't sure he's ready to do anything about any of it, the closeness feels amazing.

Jaewon doesn't attempt to take anything to the next level, seemingly content to keep kissing. His hands roam all up and down Jihyun's back, clutching at him whenever they move in a way that brings their dicks together. Jihyun can't stop kissing him enough to coordinate anything else, and he really isn't quite ready to let Jaewon see more of him—he could be a disappointment. His lack of experience would be painfully obvious. But he thinks he's gotten the hang of kissing. Kissing is wonderful, he never wants to stop doing it.

At some point, Jaewon rolls them over and Jihyun gasps in surprise at the switch in positions, but it's no less wonderful to be on the bottom than it was on top. He gets Jaewon's entire body pressed up heavily against him this way, and despite knowing that he'll wind up with sand in very unfortunate places, he loves the way it makes him give up control. Jaewon's hips roll against his without any obvious goal, but it feels good, so he rolls his hips against Jaewon's in response. They find a rhythm this way, almost as though they were still dancing, and Jaewon breaks off with a gasp, breath puffing against Jihyun's lips.

"Jihyun-ah," he breathes, before leaning back down but instead of kissing Jihyun on the lips, he kisses him on the cheek, then the hinge of his jaw, then below it. He kisses his neck, which seems to wake up some nerve endings Jihyun hadn't even known he had, and he shivers with how good it feels. Good and vulnerable at the same time, and he isn't sure whether it's a net positive or negative, feeling this vulnerable, but decides to stop caring.

Jaewon takes his earlobe between his lips and tugs, then licks it lightly and Jihyun's hips pump without any input from him. Fuck. Oh, fuck, that felt so good. Who knew that ears were this sensitive? And how did Jaewon know to do that?

Well, he's definitely much more experienced than Jihyun, that much is obvious. Jihyun tells himself that's a good thing—someone should be leading this endeavor—but it makes him feel a bit like a kid trying to catch up. He has no idea what to do in response to Jaewon assaulting all of his senses like this, so he lies there and allows it to happen, his hands wrapped around Jaewon's shoulders. The way Jaewon is moving against him feels…so good. It feels incredible. Jihyun gasps up at the dark sky and feels an almost sickening sort of excitement in his belly.

They kiss for what feels like hours, Jihyun's lips almost buzzing with it. Jaewon keeps pulling back to look at him in the dark, as though there's much he can see, his own face in shadow, and every time, Jihyun feels himself flushing even more than he already is, being studied like this.

And, every time, Jaewon dives back in to kiss him, one hand gentle beneath Jihyun's jaw, the other cradling the back of his head as though protecting him from the sand.

It isn't until Jihyun has to break off kissing to yawn that Jaewon laughs softly and says, "Tired?"

Jihyun doesn't want to admit it, but he is. He's incredibly tired, the tiredness having caught up with him all at once. He has no idea what time it is—one? One thirty? Close to two? Whatever time it is, he is suddenly desperate for bed and sleep, but leaving their cocoon of two feels as though it would break some sort of spell. As though, come morning and sunlight, the magic will dissipate somehow. "I don't want to be," he says quietly, putting his index finger in the dip between Jaewon's lip and chin. Jaewon, in turn, kisses his finger, then bites it lightly. Jihyun giggles.

"We should probably sleep. I do have some lessons tomorrow," Jaewon says, sounding regretful. "But…I will see you, won't I?"

Jihyun can't help the spread of his smile in the dark. "You want to?"

"Of course I want to," Jaewon tells him. "I also want to take you out on a proper date. What do you think?"

Jihyun's belly gives a kick. He wants to ask, why me? Why are you so into me? but it would sound too immature, like a little kid. He wants to prove to Jaewon that he's anything but. "Okay," he says instead with a grin. "I'd like that."

Jaewon carefully dislodges himself off of Jihyun, leaving him breathless, and sits up. "Can I have your Ka-Talk info? So I can text you."

"Oh. Sure." That's when Jihyun realizes his phone is probably filled with sand by now and cringes as he manages to sit up. He rolls forward so he can fish the phone out of his pocket, then opens up the app and swipes over to his QR code. Jaewon grabs his own phone and scans it.

"Got it. You can't get away from me now," he jokes, making Jihyun flush some more. Then Jaewon puts his phone away, sighs, and runs a hand through his hair. "I wish…I wish we had all night." He reaches out a hand and gently cups Jihyun's jaw, sweeping his thumb softly against his cheek. "Jihyun-ah." That's it. Just Jihyun's name. "Shall we?"

Jihuyn nods, not trusting his voice. He's still hard, but luckily that shouldn't be too apparent in the dark. Once they're both up, Jaewon grabs his hand. They walk up the beach and Jaewon walks him back to his hotel like a gentleman. He kisses him just outside, a sweet, gentle kiss with none of the urgency of before, but it still makes Jihyun's fingers and toes tingle.

When they break apart, Jihyun looks at him. In the light of the hotel, he can see now that Jaewon is also flushed. He can also see the gentle softness in his eyes. "Well…good night," he says. "Message me."

"I will. Are you coming for another surfing lesson tomorrow?"

Jihyun looks at him in surprise. "Oh. Are you sure? It's so late already…"

"Let's make it ten, then. Bring your sister."

"I will," Jihyun tells him, already wondering how he's going to hide this from her.

They look at each for another long moment, and then Jaewon finally lets go of his hand. "Have a good night, Jihyun-ah."

"You too." Jihyun gives him one last look, then turns on his heel and leaves, though he can't stop himself from turning back to look. Jaewon is waving goodbye, looking sweet and beautiful in the feeble light. Jihyun bites his lip and runs inside.

He tiptoes into his room, wincing at every sound. He sheds his clothes in the bathroom to keep most of the sand there—they never did use that wind machine—then showers, where he takes himself in hand and comes in ten seconds flat, primed as he is. Then he stands under the cool spray and grins at nothing as flashbacks of his night run through his mind, Jaewon's taste still on his tongue.

He falls asleep almost as soon as his head hits the pillow.

---

Monday

He can tell that something is wrong almost as soon as he and Jihye walk into the surfing club. He smiles when he spots Jaewon, but Jaewon doesn't notice him, because he's talking to someone, a woman, whose back is to Jihyun. And Jaewon isn't smiling. In fact, Jihyun has never seen him look this way. He looks closed-off, unsmiling, and it's impossible now to picture him the way he had been last night: open and sweet, with that soft smile directed at Jihyun.

His eyes are heavy now, no spark, and his mouth is pinched into a thin line.

The worst part is that, when he spots Jihyun, his expression doesn't change. It's as though there's no recognition there at all. No acknowledgement of what happened between them. Jihyun's stomach drops down to his toes. He turns to his sister almost by instinct, but she's already waving and saying, "Jaewon-sunbae! We're here for our lesson!"

That's when the woman Jaewon is talking to turns around and Jihyun sees her. She seems about Jaewon's age and she's pretty—very pretty. Her gaze skitters across Jihyun and his sister but she doesn't acknowledge them beyond that, simply turns back to Jaewon.

"Oppa," she says in a sweet voice, "Opps, how can you greet me like this when I've finally found you? Your parents and I have been looking for you everywhere."

Jihyun flushes from the top of his head all the way down to his toes. He ducks his head, but looks up at Jaewon anyway, unable to stop himself. Jaewon doesn't say anything for a long moment, then finally, in a sort of deadened voice, he says, "I have a lesson to teach. Excuse me," and finally looks at Jihyun and Jihye, his expression still not changing.

"Oppa!" The girl grabs his arm, stilling him. "Oppa, what lesson, what are you talking about? You've been missing for two years, and now that I've found you, you won't talk to me? Talk to me. Please."

Jaewon looks down at her, then carefully takes her hand off of his arm. "I have nothing to say. You shouldn't have come."

So many questions begin to crowd in Jihyun's mind: who is she? Why was Jaewon missing? Has she actually been looking for him for two years? Why did Jaewon leave his family? What is going on?

Before he can process any of it, Jaewon steps around her and walks up to the two of them. "Hello," he says, and it's only in that moment that he softens a little, though his gaze doesn't linger long on Jihyun. He turns to Jihye. "Ready for another lesson?"

"So ready!" she tells him, sweet in her enthusiasm. When Jihyun looks back at the woman, she's got her eyes narrowed as she watches them. When she catches his eye, she straightens and sweeps her hair off of her shoulder, looking haughty. Jihyun looks away.

"All right, well, let's get you kitted up and we'll get going," Jaewon says. "This way." They follow him to grab a couple of wetsuits and then to the changing rooms. Jihye grabs hers and goes into the woman's portion, and Jihyun follows Jaewon into the men's.

If he'd been hoping that being alone would bring back some of the feeling from the night before, he is disappointed by the reality of it: Jaewon doesn't acknowledge anything. In fact, he seems far away, going through the motions on autopilot. Jihyun turns away when Jaewon disrobes, and doesn't turn around until he himself has pulled on his wetsuit almost all the way—he just needs to be zipped up. When he finally turns around, hoping his face doesn't reflect the bitter disappointment he feels, Jaewon is already waiting for him.

"Let me," he says softly, and with gentle hands turns Jihyun with his back to him. He zips him up slowly, carefully. "Help me?" he asks afterwards, and turns his back to Jihyun. Jihyun also zips him up as carefully as possible. His stomach is made of lead.

Is the woman Jaewon's ex? What happened to Jaewon that he felt the need to leave home? And what does Jihyun really know about him? He realizes that, in all their conversations—and there haven't been that many—Jaewon has rarely actually talked about himself. He's pumped Jihyun for information, but carefully skidded away from anything personal.

When Jaewon turns around, their eyes meet for a long moment. Jaewon's gaze is no longer as dead as it had been when looking at the woman, but he's impossible for Jihyun to read. It lasts for a few seconds at most, and then: "Let's go find your sister."

Jihyun nods as Jaewon walks around him and leads them out of the changing room. By the time the three of them are back in the lobby, the woman appears to be gone.

They grab their surfboards and head out.

If last night hadn't happened, Jihyun would almost think it a normal surfing lesson. Jaewon corrects their forms, instructs them on the best ways to swim out, to stand up, how to keep steady under an incoming wave. It's all very run of the mill and Jihye doesn't appear to pick up on anything unusual. Jihyun, however, is in utter agony. Whatever he had been picturing today to be like, it hadn't been this. It hadn't been the careful distance that Jaewon maintains with both of them, not touching them even once and instructing only verbally. It hadn't been Jaewon steadfastly avoiding his gaze. It hadn't been any of this.

He feels foolish, he realizes. He doesn't know what he should have expected, but maybe Jaewon had gotten all he had needed from him the night before, and now was no longer someone he was interested in. Maybe…maybe Jaewon regrets what they did and doesn't know how to address it with him. And he couldn't now, anyway, not really–not with Jihye right there.

Once the lesson is done, Jihyun is almost relieved. He trudges out of the water, surfboard under one arm, and does his best to hurry back so he can get out of the suit, have a quick shower, and leave. He doesn't want to linger any more than he needs to. He doesn't want to seem like a pathetic, lovelorn fool.

When Jaewon follows him into the changing room, Jihyun doesn't look at him. He goes to try and unzip his own suit, but of course, he ends up looking foolish until Jaewon comes up behind him and says, softly, "Let me." Jihyun drops his arm and barely breathes as Jaewon unzips him. Jihyun steps away from him as soon as it's done. He won't seem needy. He will not make more of a fool of himself than he already has.

He feels incredibly self-conscious as he slips the wetsuit off of himself and decides that, of all the humiliations, he isn't willing to get naked in front of Jaewon, not after last night. After what he had hoped might happen today. He undoes it only to his waist and goes to take a rinse under one of the showers.

Jaewon stays in the changing room fully clothed: he probably has another lesson after this. Why did he even come into the changing room if he wasn't going to change back?

Jihyun finishes up his shower and goes back to change into his own clothes, still avoiding looking at Jaewon. It isn't until he's put his t-shirt back on and slid his feet into his sandals that Jaewon says, quietly, "Jihyun-ah."

Jihyun freezes, back to Jaewon.

"Jihyun-ah, can you turn around?"

The way his voice sounds…Jihyun can't help himself. He turns around.

Jaewon is watching him carefully, his gaze still guarded. "Are you all right?" he asks.

"Of course," Jihyun lies. "I have to go find my sister. She's probably hungry—we haven't had breakfast yet."

In fact, he couldn't have kept down a single bite of food before the lesson, his stomach almost sick with excitement at seeing Jaewon again. Now he doesn't think he could stomach anything for a completely different reason.

Jaewon swallows visibly. "Okay," he says. If Jihyun had been hoping he would say something—anything—else, he's disappointed.

He nods, not trusting himself to speak, and leaves Jaewon still sitting on a bench, the door closing softly behind him.

Jihye is already waiting for him. "What took you so long?" she grouses. "I'm starving."

"Yeah," Jihyun says. "Let's go eat."

"Oppa, are you all right?" she asks as they exit the surf club and head back towards the hotel. "Do you think Jaewon-sunbae is all right, too? He seemed…off, right? Didn't he seem weird?"

Jihyun attempts a nonchalant shrug. "I didn't notice anything," he says.

She makes a skeptical noise, then says, "I wonder who that girl was. He seemed upset about seeing her." Jihyun wishes she would change the subject, but it seems like she's only getting warmed up. "There's definitely a story there," she says confidently. "I wonder what it is. He seems so mysterious now, like…he's got a past. You know?"

"You've watched too many dramas," Jihyun says as dismissively as he can manage through his tight throat. "I'm sure it's nothing interesting."

"You're no fun," she says with a pout. Then, after a blissfully quiet moment, she says, "Don't think I haven't noticed you guys were weird together."

That nearly pulls him up short. "What? What are you talking about?"

"Did something happen last night, when you went out?" she asks, and her voice is just this side of accusatory. "Did you do something weird?"

"What the hell, no, I did—I did nothing," he lies yet again. "Stop speculating, you're making a huge deal out of nothing."

She narrows her eyes at him, then continues to trudge along the sand. "So what did you guys do last night?"

"We went to a bar, then to a club. We danced. I came back to the hotel." He feels awful lying to her, but to tell the truth seems absolutely impossible. And what is there to tell, anyway? Nothing, really, it seems.

"Hmm. Well, whatever, you've been weird all morning. I'm going to go eat something." With that, she marches into the hotel. Jihyun, who should eat, but can't imagine managing even a single bite of food, goes back to their shared room. He showers properly and doesn't think about anything at all. Then he gets dressed and stands in front of the tall windows and looks out at the beach. He has no idea what to do now. The day stretches ahead of him, long and dull, with no excitement to break it up at all. He could go down to the beach and sketch. He could stay here and listen to music. He could, he supposes, join his parents in whatever they're doing, but that's sort of the last thing he wants to do.

He lays down on the bed and feels his exhaustion catching up with him. He is, he realizes, quite ravenous now, but the exhaustion wins out. He falls asleep.

*

I'm sorry

The message comes towards the end of the day, as Jihyun is walking along the beach before bed. Jihye had wanted to join him, but he'd wheedled this alone time for himself and at first, the message doesn't make sense, but then he realizes it's Jaewon.

He goes hot, and then cold, swallows. He doesn't know what to say. He's had a whole day to think things through and has come to the conclusion that Jaewon owes him nothing. It had probably not meant anything to him, and it was Jihyun who'd imbued it with meaning. After all, a first kiss probably only feels important to you, not the person you're kissing. Unless it's their first kiss, too, and Jihyun is certain it hadn't been for Jaewon.

Finally, he comes up with a response—It's ok—and puts his phone away, but his fingers itch to take it out again, see if Jaewon has read the message yet.

A response comes fairly quickly. I want to make it up to you. Can I?

Jihyun stops, heart picking up. Despite himself, he feels a wave of excitement building up in his body. It's huge, all-encompassing. Just from a text. He's ridiculous.

He chews on his lip and he types out, yes.

The message is read almost immediately, and a typing bubble appears the next moment.

Where are you?

Jihyun tells him, uncertain of his exact location, but he can still see the hotel in the distance if he looks back. The beach is long enough to wander.

I'll come find you. Stay there, okay?

Okay

Jihyun waits as he paces back and forth, feeling silly. He has no idea what to expect. What is Jaewon's idea of making it up to him? What are they going to do?

After ten minutes of pacing and getting increasingly light-headed, Jihyun spots a figure headed towards him. He doesn't recognize him at first, because his silhouette is confusing. Eventually, it resolves itself into Jaewon dragging some sort of a cart behind him. Jihyun waits in place as Jaewon comes into clearer and clearer view.

Finally, he stops in front of Jihyun, and his smile, lit up by the dim lights of another hotel, is shy. "Hello," he says.

"Hello."

For a long moment, there's nothing else: they just stare at one another silently, Jihyun taking in Jaewon's face, the softness of his features. Jaewon is handsome enough that he could get away with being aloof, closed off—sort of like he had been this morning. But instead, he is all softness, a certain sweetness coming off of him in waves. Jihyun thinks that that's the real Jaewon.

Jaewon tears his gaze away and looks back at the cart he's still holding onto. He's wearing a loose Hawaiian shirt and shorts, flip-flops on his feet. "I thought maybe…if you're up for it, we could have a little beach picnic."

Making it up to him. Jihyun can't help smiling at that. "A picnic?"

Jaewon shrugs, looking at him from under his eyelashes. "Yeah. It's nothing, like…it's just jeon and soju, some fruit…"

"It sounds great," Jihyun hurries to tell him.

Turns out, Jaewon had also brought a foldable beach blanket and even a few fake candles. They set the candles up on each corner of the blanket to hold it down against the breeze, and their flickering light illuminates the shy expression on Jaewon's face as they settle in the middle of the blanket, their shoes tossed aside on the sand. Jihyun notices Jaewon's neat feet again, then feels silly for noticing.

"So," Jaewon says as he pops open the soju bottle and decants it into two plastic cups. "Last night was…really nice," he says.

It's not at all what Jihyun had been anticipating him saying. He had maybe expected another apology, or perhaps an explanation.

"It was," he says carefully, putting the cup to his lips, turning away, and taking a long sip. It tickles his lips, burning a bit on the way down. He turns back to Jaewon, who's watching him carefully.

"You don't have to turn away when drinking with me," he says quietly.

"Oh." Jihyun flushes, not knowing what to say. "Okay."

Jaewon throws his own drink back, keeping his gaze on Jihyun's.

Jihyun can't help himself. "What happened this morning? Who was the woman you were talking to?"

Jaewon sets down his cup, then silently refills it, not looking at him. It's a long, quiet moment, in which Jihyun hears the spray of the ocean and the glug-glug-glug of the soju leaving the bottle.

"Hyung…"

Jaewon sighs, then lifts his cup to his lips and takes a long pull. He makes a face afterwards and sets the cup back down. "I don't want to talk about that, Jihyun-ah," he says quietly.

"Oh." Jihyun feels stupid. He shouldn't have pried. Should have known better.

"It's not…I'm sorry about that, but. It's my own stuff, you know? I'd rather talk about you."

All they've done is talk about Jihyun. "You already know everything there is to know," Jihyun says, trying not to sound like a whiny little kid, but probably failing.

"I sincerely doubt that," Jaewon says with a smile. He lifts a finger and gently pokes Jihyun right in the forehead. "There's a lot going on up here, I can just tell."

Jihyun swats him away, feeling embarrassingly irritated. "How do you know?"

Jaewon studies him unflinchingly. "I just do."

Jihyun flushes again, hoping it's not visible in the feeble light around them. He takes a long pull of his own drink, not looking at Jaewon. He knows he's being petulant, and is not sure how to stop.

"Jihyun-ah," Jaewon says quietly. "Will you let me kiss you again?"

Jihyun's belly gives an excited kick and he feels as though his very bones melt at the request. Somewhere deep inside he finds courage to say, "If you tell me what happened to you."

Jaewon huffs out a laugh, ducking his head. He slides his hand over the patterned surface of the blanket and takes a while to respond. "You're very direct, aren't you?"

Jihyun shrugs.

Jaewon sighs and finally looks up. "How much did you hear?"

"That she's been looking for you for two years. Did you…did you leave home?" he asks carefully.

Jaewon huffs out another laugh, then scratches the back of his head. A peal of laughter reaches them, then more quiet beneath the ocean waves. "It's a long story," Jaewon says slowly. "I don't know if I feel like getting into it."

"Oh." Jihyun feels the disappointment keenly, as though it were rejection.

"It's not that…" Jaewon breaks off, sounding almost frustrated. "Have you ever lost someone?"

Jihyun looks up, blinks. "Lost, like…death?"

Jaewon isn't looking at him as he nods.

"No. All my grandparents are still alive."

Jaewon nods, as though confirming something. "I lost someone. Years ago." He pauses. "My little brother." He finally turns to Jihyun. "He would have been right around your age, I think. You're what, twenty, twenty-one?"

"Twenty-one," Jihyun says through a constricted throat. He hadn't—he hadn't been expecting this. He feels a sick sort of regret, having pushed this out of Jaewon. "I'm sorry. I'm not sure what to say."

Jaewon shrugs. "Most people want to know how it happened."

Jihyun does and he doesn't. "You probably…don't want to talk about that."

"No, I…I think I can." He's quiet for a long moment, still staring out at the blackness of the ocean. "No, you're right. I don't want to."

Jihyun nods, watching him in the flickering light. "I'm sorry," he says. "I didn't…I didn't realize. I didn't mean to bring up something so painful."

Jaewon finally turns to him, and there's no reproach in his gaze, only more softness. "It's okay. You couldn't have known. And I know—I was weird this morning. And I'm sorry, too."

Jihyun's turn to shrug. He feels as though the ground beneath him is unsteady—not quaking, exactly, but shifting, making it difficult to find his footing. "It's okay," he says. He almost adds, I thought I had done something wrong but stops himself. He doesn't want to sound younger than he already does.

Jaewon takes a deep breath, then unwraps his arms from around his knees and extends his long legs. He reaches for the soju and gives Jihyun a questioning glance. Jihyun nods, and Jaewon refills his cup the next moment, doing his own second. They clink cups and drink, holding one another's gaze. Jihyun feels as though he were burning beneath his skin. The shifting ground suddenly feels more exciting than scary.

Jaewon lowers his cup, sets it aside, then turns to Jihyun and says, "Come here, Jihyun-ah."

Jihyun can't help but obey, leaning in close. Jaewon's eyelashes flutter as he closes his eyes. He tastes like the soju they've been drinking, as though an extension of Jihyun's own taste. It's a deep kiss, slow, searing. Jaewon cups Jihyun's cheek, pulls him closer. Jihyun nearly loses his balance but rights himself in time. Jaewon makes a noise against his mouth, and then they're tipping over, slowly, onto their sides. They don't break the kiss. Jihyun moans as Jaewon's hand finds his waist, then slides over to his back, making his skin go up in flames everywhere Jaewon touches. The kiss gets more intense, Jihyun inhaling the close scent of Jaewon, his sweat and that slight hint of citrus. He breaks off when he feels as though he has to or he will explode, and Jaewon immediately ducks down and kisses his neck. Jihyun realizes that they're moving against one another, the way they had last night, and he's hard. He's hard and he's shivering beneath Jaewon's mouth, nearly trembling with desire. He clutches at Jaewon's back, bunching the material of his shirt in his hands, and presses himself up harder against Jaewon. Jaewon is hard, too, and he gasps when Jihyun moves his hips more deliberately against him.

Jaewon pulls back and his eyes are at half-mast when he looks at Jihyun. He looks young, vulnerable, and in his eyes Jihyun can read the same desire that seems to be consuming him. "Jihyun-ah…Jihyun-ah, can I touch you?"

Jihyun is dizzy with the very idea and he nods, not trusting his voice. Jaewon kisses him again and at the same time, his hand travels beneath Jihyun's t-shirt, hot and dry, sliding over his skin. Jihyun gasps, kisses Jaewon harder, deeper. Jaewon's tongue is the best thing he has ever tasted. The feel of Jaewon's hands on him is the best thing he has ever felt.

"Can I?" Jaewon asks, tugging on the hem of his t-shirt, and all Jihyun can do is nod again. They rid him of his t-shirt.

Then slowly, desperately slowly, Jaewon's hand finds the waistband of Jihyun's shorts and tugs, fingers sliding beneath it. Nobody has ever touched Jihyun like this, especially not the spot that Jaewon is touching now. It feels almost ticklish, but it only makes him harder.

Jaewon pops the button on his shorts and Jihyun stops breathing. The sound of the zipper feels louder than the ocean waves, louder even than his heartbeat. Jaewon murmurs, "Lift up," and Jihyun obeys wordlessly. Jaewon rids him of his shorts, then says, "Again," and there go Jihyun's boxers.

It's dangerous, what they're doing. Sure, it's dark, but there are the fake candles, and it is a public beach. Jihyun knows they should stop and regroup, but he can't. Jaewon is already leaning down and kissing a hot trail down his skin from sternum to belly button, his hands roving all over Jihyun's skin. He feels like he should be more embarrassed than he is—after all, it's his first time being naked in this context, and in public, no less. But all he feels is turned on, desperate. Jaewon runs a loose fist over Jihyun's hard dick and Jihyun nearly comes off the blanket as he gasps.

"So beautiful, Jihyun-ah," Jaewon murmurs and licks a stripe up the line of Jihyun's hip.

Jihyun cups the back of his head, not knowing what else to do with his hands, and then Jaewon turns his head and takes Jihyun in his mouth.

Jihyun's stomach swoops and he barely suppresses a low noise in the back of his throat. Oh, he didn't know what this would feel like, almost unbearably good. Jaewon slides his silky mouth down and down, engulfing him in a tight heat, and Jihyun thinks he might come just from that. He really hopes not to, all things being equal, but he has to work at it. Jaewon moans, his grip tightening on Jihyun's hips, and starts to bob his head in a rhythm. Jihyun can't stop himself from grabbing a handful of Jaewon's hair and squeezing. He looks up at the sky—there are almost as many stars out here as there are back home—and gasps on every bob of Jaewon's head.

He doesn't last very long at all. When the urgency comes, he grips Jaewon's hair tighter and attempts to pull him off, gasping out his name. Jaewon pulls up but not all the way and by then it's too late—Jihyun is coming, propelled into all-encompassing pleasure, gasping. Jaewon swallows and pulls off before collapsing on Jihyun's hip. Jihyun is still trembling a little, laid out like an offering on the blanket. Jaewon is still fully dressed.

"Oh fuck," Jihyun manages quietly.

Jaewon laughs, breath tickling Jihyun's skin, then rolls his face against Jihyun's hip, kisses a spot he finds there. Jihyun feels like he's melting into the ground. He pets Jaewon's head almost apologetically for the way he'd held onto him. When Jaewon rises and comes within touching distance, it seems entirely natural to lean in and kiss him.

He tastes strange—must be what Jihyun tastes like. Jaewon gives a low moan as he deepens the kiss and presses closer. Jihyun feels his hardness against his own hip and, before he can second-guess himself, reaches for Jaewon's dick, stroking it over the fabric of his shorts. Jaewon presses up even closer and pulls back from the kiss. In the low light, his eyes reflect the flickering of the candles and Jihyun can't stop looking at him as he continues to stroke him, slowly and with intent.

"Can I?" he asks, already reaching for the button.

"Please," Jaewon whispers.

Jihyun manages to undo the button and the zip, and then Jaewon rolls over onto his back and slides both the shorts and his underwear down. Jihyun tugs on the hem of his t-shirt and Jaewon slides that off, as well.

Jihyun sits back and looks at him. He is so beautiful. Long and slim, with lightly defined muscles and a hard dick, darker than the rest of him. He's a bit thicker than Jihyun and Jihyun feels drawn to him like being pulled by a magnet. He leans in and reaches for Jaewon's mouth with his own. Jaewon closes the distance between them.

Being pressed up against him skin to skin feels absolutely incredible. He skims a hand down Jaewon't body, coming to rest on the smooth skin of his hip. Jaewon's breath hitches as Jihyun takes him in hand. He's smooth there, too, and already slick, so warm. He strokes him slowly at first. It feels funny, the angle, different from when he strokes himself. He starts to get a little creative when Jaewon begins to respond with gasps, thrusting his hips forward as though he can't help himself. Jihyun runs his thumb over the head on the upstroke, spreading the slick around, squeezes a little right beneath the crown. Jaewon buries his face against Jihyun's neck and groans as Jihyun speeds up more.

It doesn't take Jaewon very long to come, and when he does, he makes a desperate noise against Jihyun's skin as he shoots all over his hand and hip. It's warm and tacky, as it always is, and Jihyun doesn't think before bringing a finger to his own mouth to taste it. It's a little bitter, a little sour. He doesn't mind it.

"Jihyun-ah," Jaewon murmurs. "Kiss me."

The mess between them gets worse as Jaewon rolls them over. They kiss and kiss, Jaewon's soft dick nestled against Jihyun's, the feeling of it almost unbearably intimate.

Finally, Jaewon pulls back, not going far. "We should clean up, huh?"

Jihyun makes a face, but nods.

"What if we washed off in the ocean?" Jaewon suggests, and Jihyun battles himself for a short moment before agreeing with a nod and a grin. Jaewon grabs his hand and they run into the water together, laughing as it laps at them. In up to their waists, they wash each other off, making sure to get everything, and then Jaewon catches Jihyun under his jaw and kisses him. Jihyun opens up instantly, is helpless not to. They kiss as waves bounce them around, and when Jihyun pulls back to look at him, Jaewon is smiling.

"What?" Jihyun asks, belly fluttering.

"Nothing," Jaewon says, still smiling. "Just…happy."

Jihyun bites his lip, smiling back. "Me too."

*

"Her name is Eunji," Jaewon says quietly.

"Huh?"

"My ex. The woman you saw. Her name is Eunji." Jaewon isn't looking at him but at the sky as he says it.

It's gotten chillier, and after drying off, they've been forced to put on their clothes. Jihyun's head is resting on Jaewon's chest, hand clasped in Jaewon's. He makes an inquisitive noise, hoping to encourage Jaewon without pressuring.

Jaewon sighs—Jihyun feels it beneath his chest—then says, "I left home after I came back from military service."

Jihyun is barely breathing.

"I had…have…a difficult father. He never got over what happened to my brother. And…both of my parents blamed me."

Jihyun makes a distressed noise this time, lifting his head to look at Jaewon, but Jaewon puts a gentle hand on his head and settles him back down. Jihyun melts back against him.

"I was there. I saw it happen. I could have—I could have done something, but I didn't get a chance to." His voice is almost even, with the smallest of hitches. "Anyway, they blamed me."

"How old were you?" Jihyun asks in a whisper, afraid to spook him.

"I was fourteen."

Jihyun can't help making another distressed noise.

Jaewon continues. "My brother had given me a camera shortly before his death. He knew I liked taking pictures, and he wanted to make me happy." His voice is low, and in it, a smile. "He was such a sweet kid."

Jihyun has a million questions, but he knows the best thing he can do right now is not talk at all. So he waits.

Haltingly, Jaewon says, "My father and I had a fight one night. I came back from being out with friends, I had been drinking… Anyway, he…he smashed the camera. It was completely shattered. Broken." He sighs. Jihyun doesn't think Jaewon is aware of sliding his fingers back and forth between Jihyun's. He doesn't stop him. "That was the only thing I had left of my brother. That's when I knew I couldn't stay."

Jihyun presses his face to Jaewon's chest, not knowing what to say. Finally, he asks, "Do you take photographs now?"

"Mn. When I'm not teaching surfing, I do weddings, birthdays…various special occasions. That's to make money. I do my own photography, that's…that's for me."

Jihyun leans up and kisses him. It's soft, just a press of lips on lips. Jaewon moves closer, then slides his hand out of Jihyun's grasp in favor of stroking his back—high up, then lower, then lower still, hand splaying over Jihyun's ass. The kiss deepens. Jihyun slots one leg in between Jaewon's.

Finally, Jaewon pulls back and says, voice soft, "So that's my story."

"That's your story," Jihyun repeats. "What about Eunji? How does she fit into it?"

Jaewon wrinkles his nose and drops back down. "Eunji. We broke up right after I came back from the military."

Jihyun settles his chin on Jaewon's chest. "Yeah?"

"Mn. I came to surprise her one day and saw her going somewhere with another guy." A pause, Jaewon not looking at Jihyun. "A hotel." Another pause, longer this time. "I can't really blame her. I was gone a while, you know?" A quick look at Jihyun. "She got lonely. But I saw her."

Jihyun tries to imagine cheating on Jaewon. It's hard to imagine.

"And I…I couldn't trust her. Not after that. So I broke it off." Another sigh. "She didn't want to accept it, kept trying to get us to reconnect, but then I left. She must have…she doesn't take rejection well."

"How did she find you?" Jihyun asks carefully.

"I'm not sure." A groan, resigned sounding. "I know she's going to tell my parents where I am."

"Oh. What will you do, then?"

Jaewon shrugs beneath him. "I'm a grown man. They can't exactly drag me back kicking and screaming."

That's true enough. Still… "Do you think maybe they've…stopped blaming you?" Seen the error of their ways?

"No." His tone is harsh. Jihyun doesn't have a response. He squeezes Jaewon's side. "I will only return to Seoul on my own. I don't need a relationship with them."

Jihyun can't imagine not having a relationship with his parents, but then again, he's never been through what Jaewon has been through. He can't imagine a lot of things.

"So what will you do?" he asks carefully.

"If they come here? I'm not sure. But I can tell you that it won't be a long visit."

*

"I know you probably need to get back," Jaewon says after a while, "but we didn't even eat anything… Want some fruit?"

Jihyun, who doesn't want this night to end, agrees.

Jaewon cuts up peaches for them, the juice running down his hands, and then down Jihyun's chin as he eats slice after slice. Jaewon smiles at him as he helps him wipe his chin.

"Good?"

Jihyun laughs, licking sweetness up all around his mouth. "Really good."

Jaewon smiles at him softly, then hands him a persimmon slice.

They have a little bit more soju to wash the fruit down, and then Jihyun knows: he has to get back. Reluctant, they gather everything up: the fake candles, the dirty napkins, the bottle of soju, the cups. It all goes into the cart, until nothing remains of their time here except a square indent in the sand.

"I'll walk you back." Jaewon extends his hand, and Jihyun takes it.

The walk back is too short, and before he knows it, Jihyun finds himself in front of the hotel. "I don't want to say goodbye." He feels a little silly for admitting it.

"I wish we didn't have to," Jaewon tells him softly. He leans in and Jihyun goes to him immediately. The kiss doesn't last long, but it's heady. It smells like the two of them. The night buzzes between them. Jaewon pulls back and rests his forehead against Jihyun's. "Can I see you tomorrow?"

"Of course," Jihyun says. "Surfing lesson?"

Jaewon pulls back. "I feel bad taking money from you. Maybe we can go surfing earlier, before the club opens. You can invite your sister."

"Before the club opens? She's a teenager. She'll be dead-ass asleep."

Jaewon laughs. "Then just you and me. I'll teach her later in the day."

"We'll pay you."

"No—"

"You have to make a living, don't you?" Jihyun counters, and Jaewon snaps his mouth shut, wrinkling his nose. "But…I would love to see you before the club opens."

"Yeah?"

"Yes."

"Good." Another kiss, and another. "Okay, okay… We both have to sleep if we're gonna do this. Six?"

"Six," Jihyun nods. It's past midnight already. He can always take a nap. He's on vacation.

Jaewon finally lets go of his hands and grabs his cart. "Go on in."

Jihyun turns around about a hundred times before finally entering the hotel. Jaewon stands there the entire time, watching.

His sister doesn't stir as Jihyun lets himself into their shared room. He brushes his teeth, washes his face. He stares at himself in the mirror and thinks, you're no longer a virgin. It's a strange thought; he isn't quite sure how to handle it.

He turns away, shuts off the bathroom light, and goes back to the room. It's only when his head hits the pillow that Jihye stirs and says, "You took a while."

He panics, uncertain as to what to say.

"You were with Jaewon-sunbae, weren't you?"

Jihyun has always been an atrocious liar. He realizes that he should probably just own up to the truth. "Yes."

"Thought so." And then—nothing.

Jihyun falls asleep to thoughts of a warm body against his, a soft tongue in his mouth, and hands touching his skin all over.

---

Tuesday

His alarm goes off at 5:45 and he shuts it off immediately, looking over at where Jihye is hidden under the covers. He climbs out of bed, gets ready. With his breath tasting minty fresh, he escapes the room as quietly as he can manage.

Jaewon is already waiting downstairs. "Shall we?" he says, then takes Jihyun's hand and brings him in close. They kiss. It's still early enough that there aren't that many people around, so Jihyun lets him. Jaewon also tastes like toothpaste. Jihyun giggles against him.

"What is it?" Jaewon asks with a bemused smile.

"Nothing, nothing, it's just…it's good to see you."

Jaewon kisses him again.

Afterwards, he lets them into the club, where they change into wetsuits and grab two surfboards. They are completely and entirely alone in the water. The air is chilly this early in the morning and Jihyun is glad to be wearing a wetsuit, though a part of him wishes he could see more of Jaewon. Another part wishes they weren't surfing at all, but he also has no idea where they could possibly go. He has no clue where Jaewon lives and if he lives alone or with roommates.

And so, they surf. Jaewon is, naturally, excellent at it, but Jihyun is learning. He really is getting better, he thinks, as he stands up on slightly shaky legs and remains standing beneath the rushing of a wave. Jaewon hollers and whoops, then grabs him round the middle and kisses him. Jihyun kisses him back. The waters are choppy and they keep swaying back and forth with the force of the waves as they kiss. Jaewon tastes like the ocean.

Eventually, they leave the water and rest with their heads on one of their surfboards, Jihyun tucked up against Jaewon's side. It's only a matter of leaning up and they're kissing again.

Jihyun feels absolutely insane. He didn't know Jaewon just a few days ago, and he's leaving in four. He has no idea what this is, what madness this is, what Jaewon expects from him. What Jaewon wants. All he knows is that he wants Jaewon so wholly, he feels like a wild thing, as though his heart were a trapped butterfly beating against the glass walls of a jar.

Jaewon rolls them over and keeps kissing him. His lips are warm, his tongue like silk against Jihyun's own. Jihyun clings to him with his whole body and doesn't ever want them to stop kissing.

Finally, Jaewon pulls back and looks at him, his gaze unfocused. He sweeps some hair off of Jihyun's forehead where it clings to him in wet clumps. "Jihyun-ah," he says quietly. "I wish we could be alone."

Jihyun bites his lip. "Me too." He pauses, wondering if he's going to ask this. "Where do you live, anyway?"

"In town. I've got roommates…" He looks like he's considering it, though. "There's…there's a hotel we can go to in town, though. It's…not the nicest, but…"

"I want that," Jihyun says immediately. If they only have so much time left together, he wants to make the most of it. "When can we do it?"

Jaewon grins. "Eager?" Jihyun hits him gently on the chest. Jaewon grows serious. "I have to work until the afternoon, but I'm free after four. Think you can get away from your family without raising suspicions?"

He thinks about Jihye. "I'm not sure I can." Jaewon's face falls. "Without raising suspicions," he adds quickly. "I can get away, I just think…my sister might know."

"Ah." Jaewon chews on his lip. "Would she tell your parents?"

Jihyun wrinkles his nose. "I could ask her not to." She probably wouldn't. She tries not to talk to their parents as much as possible, anyway. "Can we do it?" he asks eagerly, already anticipating being alone with Jaewon, and in a bed.

Jaewon leans in and kisses him softly, just a lingering peck, really. "We can do it," he says. "I'll text you when I'm free."

Jihyun can't help the grin that spreads across his face. "Okay."

Jaewon answers in kind. "Okay."

And then they're kissing once again.

*

He returns to his room before Jihye has woken up. He knows she wouldn't want to miss a surfing lesson with Jaewon, so he wakes her.

She groans and swats at him with a pillow. "What the hell," she mumbles. "What time is it?"

"It's eight thirty. You wanted to go surfing, right?"

She blinks, then sits up, yawning. "I guess," she mumbles, then pins him with her gaze. "How was your time with Jaewon-sunbae?"

Carefully, he says, "It was nice. We hung out on the beach."

She watches him with pin-prick eyes, and he just barely stops himself from squirming. "And this morning?" she asks.

"I—"

"Like I didn't notice you sneaking out before six am. You're really bad at this." Then she grins and sits up. "I knew he thought of me as just a silly kid, but why is he interested in you?"

Jihyun blinks, then feels himself blush. Frankly, he's asked himself the same question. He doesn't know what to say.

She laughs behind her hands, then shoves at him. "Look at you! You're, like, smitten. Gross!" She says it with a big grin on her face. "Listen, he's beautiful. And nice! And it's not like I didn't notice he only has eyes for you, I'm not blind. So you can stop with the charade, all right?"

Jihyun blinks. "All right."

She nods. "Well, okay, I'm gonna get ready and we'll go see your boyfriend. I've got nothing else to do, anyway. You tell mom and dad where we'll be."

All Jihyun can do is nod.

*

The day crawls by after their surfing lesson with Jaewon. He had focused mostly on Jihye, because Jihyun needed less coaching now and because they had agreed on it. Now, Jihyun is back on the beach with his family, sitting under their giant umbrella, his sketchbook open in his lap.

He sits there watching the water and he thinks.

It's Tuesday. They're leaving early on Saturday. That gives him about four days with Jaewon. They can certainly do a lot in four days, but to what end? Jaewon lives here, and Jihyun doesn't. He's going back to Seoul in a couple of weeks, and they'll probably never see one another again. He supposes that…he will have to be okay with that. Even though he's never met anyone like Jaewon. Even though he's never felt this way before. When he isn't with him, he's thinking about him, and when he is with him, he can't think of anything else, as though there's not enough room for anything but Jaewon. He feels like he's losing his mind.

"Yah," Jihye says, shoving him lightly on the shoulder. "Are you mooning?"

Jihyun blinks. "Am I what?"

She leans in close and whispers, "Mooning over Jaewon-sunbae. You've been sitting here without doing anything for like an hour."

"Shut up," he says automatically, glancing over at his parents, who are both buried in their respective books. "I'm not mooning."

She gives him a haughty stare. "Sure. Okay." Then even quieter, "When are you gonna see him again? Gonna sneak out again tonight?"

Jihyun colors. He's not about to tell his sister of their plans, but now that he thinks about it, he realizes he might need her to cover for him. He has no idea what to tell his parents.

"I…"

She appraises him, then shakes her head. "You're very bad at this," she says again. "You should figure it out before they do." She nods in the direction of their parents, then settles back in her chair and looks down at her phone, thereby dismissing him.

Jihyun thinks about texting Jaewon for ideas, but he's not a little kid. He can figure this out on his own.

Finally, he says, "Mom, dad?"

They both look at him at the same time.

"Uh, a friend of mine from university is actually here too. Would it be okay if I spent some time with him and didn't have dinner with you tonight?"

"Oh!" his mom says. "Sure, that's fine. Take Jihye with you."

Before he can come up with anything to say, Jihye pipes up. "Like I'd want to spend time with him and his boring friend. No, thank you."

Mom shrugs. "Very well, up to you," and goes back to her book.

Jihyun exchanges a glance with Jihye, who looks at him smugly. He mouths thank you at her, then flushes and looks away.

I'm all set., he types out. I can leave whenever.

*

Jaewon messages him, as promised, when he frees up. I'm good to go. Want to meet me at the club? We'll go from there.

Jihyun, who's spent the afternoon crawling out of his skin in anticipation, makes himself wait a whole minute before responding with, yes. I'll be there in a few minutes.

He's back in his shared room with Jihye, because he didn't want to get heatstroke, so he quickly brushes his teeth again just in case, and puts on extra deodorant, then smells himself. He thinks he's okay.

He messages his family to let them know he's going out. I'll probably be out late.

Okay, his mom texts back. Be careful and have fun.

Jihyun colors and leaves the room.

Jaewon is waiting for him outside the club, looking out at the ocean. Jihyun stops a few steps away just to look at him. He's unbearably pretty, and he looks—content, with a small smile playing on his face as the breeze ruffles his hair. Jihyun swallows and closes the distance between them.

"Hello."

Jaewon's smile grows as he turns to him. "Hi." He stands up from his perch on a low wall. "Shall we?"

All Jihyun can do is nod.

He's never—he's never done this before. Getting a hotel room for the express purpose of having sex is entirely new to him, even though it's something Joonpyo had done a few times their freshman year. He thought it would feel a little embarrassing, but really, what he's feeling is anticipation. Now that he's with Jaewon, all niggling doubts fall away and he wants to get there as soon as possible. Wants Jaewon with him as soon as possible.

They take a car, which drops them in front of the hotel. It's not exactly a five-star establishment, but it doesn't look too terribly seedy, either. Jaewon leads him inside and is the one to ask for a room. Jihyun blushes through the whole transaction, knowing that the clerk behind the desk knows exactly why they're there. Jaewon doesn't seem to be embarrassed. It occurs to Jihyun that Jaewon must have done this before, maybe even numerous times. Jihyun is just one of them.

He shakes the thought off.

They take the elevator to the fifth floor. Jaewon leads them down the quiet hallway, then opens the room. Gently pushes Jihyun inside, lets the door whoosh closed behind them.

Jihyun's heart beats fast inside his chest. They've never been this alone before. It had been just the two of them in the club changing room, and on the beach last night, but it had never felt like this: sanctioned, with maximum privacy. A room just for the two of them, to do with as they please.

He turns around and Jaewon kisses him. Instantly, Jihyun is revved up, so turned on, his head spins with it. They kiss as they stumble to the bed, then Jaewon rids him of his t-shirt, then his own. They abandon their shorts, too, and step out of their underwear in a tangle of limbs. Jaewon pulls the covers back and then they're on the bed, kissing still.

It feels so good. It feels so good, and Jihyun's dizzy with everything he wants from this night. Jaewon presses up against him so they're skin to skin, and it feels even better now than it had on the beach, because there's no fear of exposure, just endless, boundless privacy. Jihyun touches Jaewon everywhere he can reach, his skin soft and smooth to the touch, and can't stop kissing him. Eventually, though, the need to do more wins out. He pulls back, panting, and rolls Jaewon over onto his back. He knows what he wants to do—he just hopes it's good for Jaewon.

Jaewon reaches for him again to start kissing, but Jihyun evades him this time, lowering himself until he's kissing his chest, feeling the soft skin beneath his lips. He shuts his eyes and keeps going lower, kissing him all over: his belly, the light ridges of his ribs. Jaewon is quiet but Jihyun can feel how hard he's breathing. He can feel how hard he is, too, against him, and it makes him want to squirm with the intimacy of it. He loves it, loves that he knows that Jaewon wants him. Doesn't have to guess.

Eventually, he makes his way down enough that there's only one obvious choice for him to make. He flicks his gaze up at Jaewon, who's watching him quietly but intensely, then looks down at his goal. He's obviously never done this before, and only had it done to him once. He has no idea what he's doing, but maybe he can go on instinct and have it be enough.

He takes Jaewon in his mouth. A salty taste blooms on his tongue and then Jaewon hisses and murmurs, "Watch your teeth." Jihyun flushes and widens his mouth, wrapping his lips around Jaewon's dick without touching him with teeth. He hopes. It's just the head so far, but even that feels like a lot. He likes it, though. Like how it feels against his tongue, likes the taste, too. He closes his eyes and goes down lower, and lower. It's tricky, keeping his teeth out of the way, but the way Jaewon reacts makes it worth it. He's gasping up above Jihyun, and then cupping the back of Jihyun's head gently, cradling it with care. It feels nice, like another point of connection. It's strange, how both connected and not they are in this moment. Jihyun can't see Jaewon's eyes, and he feels far away at the same time as they're as close as can be. It's an odd dichotomy he contemplates for a while even as he begins to do what he thinks he's supposed to, which is suck.

That also feels good—especially when Jaewon's hand tightens on his hair and he makes a desperate sort of noise. "Jihyun-ah, baby, fuck—"

Jihyun continues in this vein, going as steadily as he can manage, which is not very, but he's doing his best. And he loves it. Loves everything about it, even the way his jaw starts to tire after a while, tongue feeling heavy. He's drooling a bit, which is mixing with precome in his mouth, making the slide of it easier. He speeds up, keeps going down about halfway each time, not ready to go deeper. He's holding onto Jaewon's hips with both hands, feeling the shifting of muscle there every time Jaewon moves, and it's good, it's so good.

Finally, though, the ache in his jaw becomes too much and he's forced to pull off. Jaewon is watching him with wide, desperate eyes. Jihyun leans up, takes him in hand, and finishes him off that way, watching his face the entire time. Jaewon looks torn open as he comes, eyes closing. It slides down Jihyun's hand as he strokes him through it.

Eventually, Jihyun lets him go and sort of melts down onto the bed, breathing hard. It's only then that he realizes that he's so hard, it's nearly painful, and Jaewon is the one to come to him, pull him close, and touch him. Jihyun buries his face against Jaewon's neck and cries out as he comes thirty seconds later, trembling.

It takes them both a long moment to get their breath back, and then Jaewon is pulling Jihyun fully to him so Jihyun winds up wrapped around him with his head pillowed on Jaewon's chest. It's cool in the room and the sheets are tangled up around their feet. Lying like this, he can hear the beat of Jaewon's heart. He manages to wipe his hand on a sheet before settling back down.

He feels crazier than ever. He feels out of his mind. This means something, he thinks, but he doesn't know exactly what. He also doesn't know if Jaewon thinks it does, or if this is just something that Jaewon does. It doesn't feel casual to Jihyun, but what the hell does Jihyun know?

He feels a soft kiss to the crown of his head and closes his eyes, breathing as evenly as possible. That hadn't felt casual. It hadn't felt casual at all.

"Jihyun-ah…what are you thinking?" Jaewon asks quietly. The atmosphere between them seems more fitting for the middle of the night rather than a very late afternoon, but it's still light out, even though it's turned a little gloomy, as though the sun got tired of shining. From this vantage point, they can't see the water at all.

Jihyun doesn't know how to answer the question. Honesty comes as naturally as breathing, but he doesn't know if full honesty would be welcome here. But he has to answer the question. "I'm thinking about…this. Us, I guess." He barely breathes, waiting for Jaewon to respond.

Jaewon hums and Jihyun feels the vibration of it against his ear. He presses Jihyun even closer, then says quietly, "Me too. I'm thinking about us too."

Jihyun is certain Jaewon has to be able to feel the hard beating of his heart against his chest. He wants to ask, and what are you thinking? but doesn't feel brave enough. He waits.

Jaewon takes a few more moments to continue. Quietly, he says, "I'm thinking about how crazy it is that you just appeared in my life…but I feel like I already know you."

Jihyun swallows, something inside him opening up like a spring blossom. "Me too," he says before he can stop himself. "I feel the same way."

"Do you?" Jaewon asks, sounding shy.

Jihyun lifts his head and looks at him. Jaewon's got a small smile playing on his face. "Yes," Jihyun says, looking him in the eye. "I do."

Jaewon lifts a hand and gently sweeps Jihyun's bangs off of his forehead. "It's crazy, isn't it."

Jihyun bites his lip. "I know. It is, but…" He doesn't know how to finish that sentence, so he leans up until he is hovering over Jaewon and kisses him. Jaewon tastes like sex, still, heady, good. Jihyun feels as though he's tumbling off a cliff.

They only have a few days left together. He has no idea what will happen after.

*

It starts to rain as they're kissing, wrapped up in one another. Not just a little rain, either—it starts to pour, sheets and sheets of it, so unexpected, they both pull back from the kiss and look out the window, where the sky has darkened considerably, and the neighboring buildings are barely visible over the rain.

Something about it makes the room feel cozier, even more like a haven. Jihyun watches Jaewon look out the window with a complicated expression on his face, then pokes him lightly in the cheek. His turn to ask, "What are you thinking about?"

Jaewon slowly turns his gaze back to Jihyun. Their legs are tangled together, their erections brushing. It feels so intimate. Jaewon doesn't respond, but draws Jihyun into another kiss, and another. Jihyun forgets his question as he surges up against Jaewon, and the rain accompanies them like a melody.

*

They get delivery for dinner. Jaewon grabs it, then returns to the room looking triumphant, making Jihyun laugh. They eat with the food spread out on a towel on the bed, sharing bulgogi and tteokbokki and feeding one another as though they were incapable of eating on their own. Jihyun has never fed another person, and Jaewon makes him laugh as he pretend-mauls the chopsticks.

Afterwards, they clean up and watch the rain while sitting up in bed, Jihyun cuddled up to Jaewon's side. He doesn't mean to ask the question, but it tumbles out before he can stop himself. "Would you ever return to Seoul?"

Jaewon is very still next to him, and Jihyun wishes he could take it back. It probably sounds too obvious, too needy. What a silly question to ask. Then Jaewon sighs and says quietly, "I've thought about it. Of course I have."

"Yeah?" Jihyun asks, his heart beating in double time.

"Sure. But there's a reason I left."

"Your parents?" Jihyun asks carefully.

"Mn. The whole…history, I guess." He sounds thoughtful, not like he's dismissing Jihyun's question. "There's a lot I left behind," he adds quietly.

Jihyun shifts so he can wrap an arm around Jaewon's middle, feeling the warm softness of his skin. "Your whole life," he says.

"Yeah. My whole life."

They're quiet after that, watching the rain, and then—Jihyun doesn't know which one of them starts it—they're kissing again, heavy, intent kisses. They touch each other as the room dims even more and don't bother turning on a light.

*

Jihyun wakes up in the middle of the night with a need to pee. He extricates himself from Jaewon's hold as carefully as he can manage. He looks in the mirror: his hair is mussed, eyes droopy with sleep. He will have to wake up extremely early to get back to the hotel before his parents know he didn't spend the night in his room.

It's three am. He returns to bed and looks out the dark window. The rain has passed and he can even see a star or two in the clear, dark sky. He wants to sleep, but if he sleeps, he will miss out on the feel of Jaewon at his back, warm and comforting. He blinks slowly, wriggles backwards until his ass is planted against Jaewon's hips, and falls asleep despite himself.

---

Wednesday

His alarm goes off at five. He startles awake, manages to fumble only a little as he turns it off, and turns over. Jaewon's sleepy gaze greets him.

"Sorry," Jihyun whispers. "I have to…I have to get going."

Jaewon makes a protesting noise and grabs him round the middle. "No, don't. Stay."

"I…I shouldn't. My parents…"

"It's vacation, shouldn't they be sleeping late?" Jaewon mumbles. "Surely we can have at least another hour."

Jihyun bites his lip. It's a tempting offer—another hour of Jaewon. They could do a lot in one hour. He allows Jaewon to pull him close and kiss him, morning breath and all, then roll over him and pin him to the bed. Jihyun allows it all and loses track of time.

*

He slinks into his room just before eight. Jihye still appears to still be asleep. If she's asleep, then neither of them will really be expected to join their parents for breakfast, he decides. He goes to shower, then lies on top of the covers on the bed and thinks.

He and Jaewon have agreed to meet up again tonight—Jaewon is too busy teaching lessons all day to meet up before that. Jihyun will have to come up with another excuse, he thinks. He feels very silly for it: he's an adult, after all. He doesn't need to give excuses to his parents. Then again, he also doesn't want to have to explain anything, so it's better to find excuses than confess to the truth.

Another day stretches ahead of him filled with anticipation and boredom. Maybe Jihye will want to do something together, though what, he doesn't know.

His head feels heavy, and he closes his eyes. Before he knows it, he's asleep.

*

"Oppa!"

Jihyun startles awake, and automatically wipes the drool from his face. "Huh?"

Jihye is standing over him, hand on hip. "It's about time. Mom and dad have been asking after you. You've been asleep for hours."

Jihyun gropes for his phone on the nightstand and looks at the time. It's eleven am. "What—"

"Rough night?" she asks with a smirk, and Jihyun feels himself flushing from head to toe.

He decides the better part of valor is to ignore the question and makes himself roll out of bed. He feels woozy and out of it. "How long have you been awake?" he asks, his voice rough with sleep.

"A couple of hours." She's eyeing him dubiously, looking like she wants to ask something, but doesn't. "You should check in with mom and dad."

He yawns and nods.

Time to get on with the day, he supposes.

They wind up back on the beach under his parents' umbrella, Jihyun attempting to focus on his book and failing. He switches to his sketchbook, but he's tired of drawing the same thing over and over again. He decides to wander, instead, and try to find something else to draw. He's been working on using fewer lines and more shadow work, so this is as good an excuse to practice as any.

He tells his family he's going to walk around and strides off, sandaled feet kicking up sand as he goes. Without really meaning to, he finds himself walking towards the surf club. Maybe he does mean to. He probably shouldn't lie to himself, anyway.

He goes to see if he can find Jaewon. Maybe he will be between clients, and they can sneak away for a minute, or maybe—

He turns the corner and hears raised voices. Curious, he walks a few steps forward and stops dead when he realizes one of those voices is Jaewon's.

"—never asked you to," he says, sounding dull and lifeless.

Another, female, unfamiliar voice, says, "You didn't have to, you're our son, of course we've been looking for you—"

"Well, you've found me." Same dull inflection, sounding nothing like himself.

"Please, honey, for all of our sakes, stop this madness and come home with us."

"This is not a negotiation," a male voice pipes up, hard and angry. That must be Jaewon's father. "You're leaving here with us."

Jihyun's heart is beating quick-quick-quick in his chest, stomach writhing. He's clutching his drawing case to himself, afraid to make any noise whatsoever. He should turn around and leave, he knows he's eavesdropping, but he can't make himself move.

"I'm not. I'm not a minor. I'm an adult," Jaewon says, sounding less dull this time. "I have my own life. I'm not going back to Seoul."

"Please," his mother pleads, sounding tearful. "Just have dinner with us, let's talk about this."

"There's nothing to talk about." Jaewon sounds…hard, unyielding. So unlike himself. He had sounded like that when talking to Eunji, too. It's a Jaewon Jihyun doesn't know at all. "Please," he adds more gently. "Don't make this harder."

"You—"

"I have another lesson in a minute. You have to go."

"One dinner, honey, please."

There is a pause, loaded and uncomfortable. Jihyun is barely breathing. Finally, Jaewon says, "Fine. Dinner. Tonight. Then you have to leave."

"You do not get to make those decisions," his father tells him, then gets cut off by Jaewon's mother.

"Good. Dinner, then. Where should we meet you?"

Jihyun bites his lip and finally makes himself move and walk away. He doesn't want Jaewon to see him, to know that Jihyun has just overheard the entire argument with his parents. Selfishly, he wonders what this means for him and Jaewon tonight. Most likely, he thinks, it means he won't see Jaewon at all. They're losing a whole night together, and Jihyun tries not to let it upset him, but it doesn't work. He feels the disappointment of it in his entire being, a heaviness he can't shake off.

"What happened to you?" Jihye asks when he slinks back underneath his family's umbrella.

"Nothing," he says, then plops back down onto his chair. The day feels dimmer now, the sun less bright, the breeze less pleasant. He sits staring out at the water and broods. He doesn't hear from Jaewon until five, and when he does, his stomach sinks down to his very toes.

I'm sorry. Something's come up. I can't see you tonight. I'll talk to you tomorrow.

Jihyun sighs and feels, for a moment, like throwing a tantrum before gathering himself. This isn't about you, he reminds himself. This is about Jaewon and his family. He writes back, It's okay. I'll talk to you soon, then wonders just what Jaewon's dinner with his parents will entail. I hope, he adds, that everything is all right. He doesn't hear back.

*

Jihyun tosses and turns, but his brain is too busy to let him fall asleep. He can't stop wondering how Jaewon's dinner with his parents went, can't stop wondering what it means for Jaewon, and, selfishly, what it means for him. Last time Jaewon had been faced with someone from his past, he had apologized to Jihyun later for being cold, but this time, Jihyun has yet to hear from him. He had waited all night—is still waiting, if he's honest—but there's nothing.

They have two days and two nights left, and Jihyun doesn't know when he will see him again after that. If he'll ever see him again. He tries to tell himself that it's all right for it to be a fleeting, summer fling, that they hardly know each other. That three, four days is hardly a foundation on which to build a relationship. It only means something to Jihyun, because it's his first everything. It probably doesn't mean much to Jaewon.

It takes until close to two am, but Jihyun finally falls into a fitful sleep and dreams of waves crashing over his head.

---

Thursday

Despite falling asleep incredibly late, Jihyun wakes up practically with the sun. He and Jihye haven't been closing the curtains, and the morning light filters in through the windows, waking him slowly but effectively.

He groans and gropes for his phone on the nightstand, unplugging it. It's six thirty, and there's nothing from Jaewon. Maybe…maybe he'll hear soon.

Yeah. Maybe.

He decides to get out of bed and get some alone time before seeing his family again. He brushes his teeth, pulls on fresh clothes, remembers to grab the room key at the last minute, and heads out.

The breeze is warm even this early in the morning, and after he takes his sandals off, the sand feels nice against his feet. He looks out at the water, and is both surprised and not at all surprised to see a solitary figure surfing.

Jaewon rides wave after wave, looking stunning against the rising sun. Jihyun stands rooted in place and watches him, uncertain whether to move on and give him space or wait.

His body makes the choice for him and refuses to budge.

He doesn't know how long he stands there for, but it's long enough for Jaewon to do one final surf and paddle back to shallow waters, where he stands up and takes the surfboard out of the ocean. It's only then that he turns his head and spots Jihyun, still rooted to the spot, watching him.

Jihyun feels silly now, knowing he should have left Jaewon to his own devices. He flushes and makes to turn away when Jaewon calls out softly, "Jihyun-ah," unstraps the surfboard from his foot, and jogs over to Jihyun. He looks slightly troubled, but his gaze is soft as he looks at Jihyun the same as he always does, with no reproach. Jihyun suddenly wonders what Jaewon would think if he knew Jihyun had eavesdropped on his conversation with his parents the day before.

"Hello," Jihyun says.

"Hi." Jaewon reaches out with one hand and gently cups Jihyun's jaw, stepping close enough that Jihyun can smell him. He flushes for a whole other reason, belly fluttering, as Jaewon leans in and gives him a kiss. It's soft, gentle, not much more than a peck, really, but Jihyun nearly trembles with it. It must be the relief. When Jaewon pulls back, he still looks soft, and this time, entirely untroubled. "Hi," he says again, then bites his lip. "I'm sorry about last night."

Jihyun shakes his head. "It's okay." He thinks about it, then adds, "I know it's none of my business, but if you wanted to tell me what happened, I would listen."

Jaewon looks at him for a prolonged moment, then ducks his head. "My parents did find me," he says to their feet. "They drove down yesterday and…listen, can we sit?"

Jihyun, who's barely breathing, he's so intent on Jaewon, nods. "Sure."

Jaewon looks at him and grins. "When did you become so informal all of a sudden?"

Jihyun thinks back to what he'd said and flushes. He thinks about it for a split second, then says, "Possibly sometime after the third orgasm."

Jaewon sputters and cracks up, throwing his head back, sounding young and carefree, the way, Jihyun thinks, he should always sound. "Jihyun-ah!" Jaewon is holding onto his stomach and laughing, still, as Jihyun smiles and bites his lip. "You're feisty, aren't you?" Jaewon finally says after more or less composing himself. He drops down to the ground and looks up at him. "Come, join me here."

Jihyun, who hates sitting on sand, obeys. There's laughter still in Jaewon's eyes as he looks at him and Jihyun thinks, of all the cliches…he could get really lost in Jaewon's eyes. They watch one another for a prolonged moment, Jaewon's laughter subsiding, and then Jihyun sees him swallow and look down. Jaewon wraps his arms around his knees and sighs.

"So my parents," he says, then looks out somewhere beyond Jihyun. "I hadn't seen them in two years. It was strange—they've gotten old. Older, I guess. I hadn't even felt that way after my military service."

Jihyun doesn't know what to say to that, so he simply listens, greedy for anything that Jaewon will choose to share.

"Anyway…they begged me to have dinner with them. Well, no," he adds with a humorless sort of laugh. "My mom begged me. My father ordered me. If it hadn't been for my mom, though, I wouldn't have…I wouldn't have done it. But she…anyway. I agreed." He shrugs. "It was a long night."

Jihyun gathers his courage to ask, "Was it bad?"

Jaewon huffs out another humorless laugh, and looks out at the water. "Yeah. It was pretty bad."

Jihyun waits. It takes Jaewon a long time to continue.

"They're still here today. They're staying at your hotel."

"Oh."

"Mn. My dad said they're not leaving until I come back with them. But they will have to: he runs his own company, he can't be away for that long. And I'm a legal adult. There's not much they can do."

Jihyun attempts to imagine what it would be like to defy his parents this way. He would think himself hugely unfilial, but then again, he hasn't been through what Jaewon has been through. His parents sound very different from Jaewon's parents. Their lives are so different. The thought gets stuck somewhere around his throat, making it harder to breathe. They're so different. What sort of a future could they have?

Jaewon's voices pulls him back to the moment. "I'm not sure what their plan is, exactly, but I'm not going back with them."

Jihyun's voice sounds small when he asks, "What would you be coming back to?"

Jaewon huffs out a breath, then says, "What a good question." He swallows again. "My dad has always expected that I will inherit his company. I was supposed to get a job that would be training of sorts for a couple of years, and then work for him. Eventually I would replace him."

Jihyun waits, listening.

"But…I can't stand the very idea of it. I can't…I knew I would have to do it, that I had no choice, and it…it weighed on me. After I left…I had never felt lighter, Jihyun-ah." He sounds raw, still looking out at the water. It gives Jihyun a chance to study him in detail, committing his features to memory so he can recreate them later. The way the sun limns his profile: his nose, his lips. His eyes, reflecting the light. "I can't go back to that."

And Jihyun—selfish, needy, and wanting—feels his heart breaking, knowing that Jaewon would not return to Seoul for anything. He swallows it down, tells himself he's being ridiculous. They'd made no promises. They haven't talked of the future at all. All they have is now, and it's quickly slipping away.

He knows he needs to say something. "I understand," he manages. "So what will you do if they refuse to leave?"

Jaewon shrugs, then finally looks back at him. "I don't know, Jihyun-ah. I really don't. I think that they'll give up."

"How did they find you?"

"Eunji," Jaewon says in a voice that suggests it's obvious.

"Oh. Of course." Jihyun had almost forgotten. "Where is she?"

Another shrug. "Back in Seoul, I imagine."

Jihyun is relieved she hadn't come back with Jaewon's parents. Then he wonders at his own relief. As though it matters one way or another. Jaewon isn't his. Only this moment is.

"Anyway, I'm sorry that I couldn't…I couldn't see you last night." And he does sound regretful, even sad. "I had been looking forward to it."

"Me too," Jihyun says before he can think better of it, then flushes. I leave in two days, he doesn't say. It's not like Jaewon doesn't know.

Jaewon looks at him, then leans in. Jihyun mirrors him. They meet in a sweet kiss that makes Jihyun's toes and the tips of his fingers tingle. Jaewon smells like the ocean again. He tastes like salt.

When they pull back, Jaewon doesn't go far. "Jihyun-ah," he murmurs, then sweeps some hair away from Jihyun's forehead. "What are you doing to me?"

Jihyun's heart stutters in his chest. He has no idea what to say that wouldn't give him away entirely. He bites his lip and simply looks at Jaewon, who looks back at him with a softness that makes Jihyun's spine melt.

"Come here," Jaewon says, and Jihyun has no choice but to go.

*

They kiss until Jaewon has to go and get ready for his day. Jihyun walks him back to the surf club where Jaewon backs him up against the wall and kisses him some more—breathless, deep, Jihyun getting lost in it again and again. Afterwards, he trudges back to the hotel. He wonders where, exactly, Jaewon's parents are. He hopes they don't give Jaewon any trouble today, but he thinks they probably will.

They have agreed to have dinner together ("And then see where the night takes us, I guess," Jaewon had said) and Jihyun tries to prepare himself for the possibility that their plans might get disrupted.

He spends the day in a daze of thinking about tonight—so much so, his mom asks him if he's all right. "Did you not sleep well, honey? Are you getting sick?"

He tries not to be too irritable with her. It's not her fault he's fallen for a boy he can never have. Jihye gives him a penetrating look, but he ignores her, tucking his nose into the book he's finally cracked open.

It isn't until after lunch that Jihye announces she's going for a walk on the beach and insists that Jihyun come with her. They're barely away from the blanket when she flat-out asks, "Okay, what happened? You're moping. Did you and Jaewon-sunbae have a fight or something? I know you left early this morning and saw him."

Jihyun knows it's none of her business, but he's been sitting with this for days now, and he needs to let some of it out, get the pressure off his chest even temporarily. He can't continue sitting with it pressing on him. It'll flatten him to the ground.

"No, we're—it's fine," he says at first, gauging how much to tell her. She looks serious behind her sunglasses as she listens. He sighs and looks ahead of him. "He…he left home a couple of years ago, and now his parents have found him. They're here right now. So we didn't see each other last night, and we're leaving the day after tomorrow, and…" He peters out. It's probably too much. He's said too much.

She hums, then says, "You're moping because you're worried you'll never see him again."

"I'm not moping—"

"You absolutely are moping," she says without a bite. "But it's okay. I'd be moping too." She sighs. "Are his parents, like, total assholes or something?"

He shrugs. "I guess. His father sounds like an asshole, at least."

"So, what, they want him to come back or something?"

"Yeah."

They're quiet as they keep walking away from the crowds on the beach. Then Jihye says, "So this whole thing sucks, basically." He looks over at her. She shrugs. "You like him, don't you? And he's staying here and you're going home. And then you'll be at university."

Jihyun hates how transparent he is. His sister has never shown particular interest towards him as a person, and now she's reading him like an open book. If he's honest with himself, it's a little embarrassing. He shrugs, feeling uncomfortable. "I guess."

She huffs out a breath. "You guess. Like I can't tell how much you like him."

He doesn't say anything in response, because anything he says will just be defensive.

"For what it's worth, he clearly likes you, too," she says, as though not noticing his discomfort. Or maybe she doesn't care. "Anyone with eyes could tell you that."

Jihyun knows, he realizes. "Yeah. But he's staying here. So it doesn't even matter."

"Okay, if it doesn't matter, then don't see him again." He turns to her, indignant. She cracks up. "Yeah. I thought so."

And there's not much to say to that, so he doesn't. But the pressure on his chest has lifted the tiniest bit with what amounts to a confession. At least he's not sitting alone with all of it. At least somebody understands.

*

Jihyun finds another excuse to leave his parents before dinner and goes to the surf club to meet Jaewon the way they'd planned, but finds it dark and locked up. He checks his phone in case he's missed some messages, but there's nothing. Finding courage, he texts Jaewon. I'm here, where are you?

Then he sits down at one of the benches outside and waits. His phone doesn't buzz with a message or a call as he waits and waits and finally, he realizes that he's being completely pathetic and walks away. He walks towards the water, then drops down onto the sand, not even caring that he'll get all gross and sandy.

He sits there and looks out at the setting sun, the way it changes the color of the sky. He wishes he had his watercolors with him, or even pastels. He gets so absorbed in thinking about how he would draw the landscape that he barely hears the footsteps behind him, not until somebody drops down next to him on the sand.

Jaewon is quiet for a long moment, looking out at the same sun as Jihyun. Jihyun waits him out.

Finally, "I'm sorry. Again. I just can't seem to do right by you."

Something in his voice arrests Jihyun and makes him look at him. Really look at him. Jaewon's eyes are puffy, his voice somewhat rough. He sniffs.

"Are you all right?" Jihyun asks tentatively. He wants to ask what happened—Jaewon is almost an hour late—but doesn't want to sound accusatory. Besides which, he can guess.

Jaewon won't look at him, still, as he says, "Not really. But I really am sorry."

"You don't have to keep saying it," Jihyun says.

Jaewon wrinkles his nose, then shakes his head. "They just keep turning my life upside down. This is why I left."

"What happened?" Jihyun asks. He hopes Jaewon tells him. Lets some of the pressure out.

Jaewon, arms wrapped around his raised knees, shrugs. There's a breeze off the water and it ruffles his shirt and his hair. He looks unfairly pretty in the glowing light of the setting sun. "They came back to the club, demanding to talk to me some more. I was just finishing up with a client. It was kind of embarrassing, to be honest." He huffs out a humorless laugh. "Anyway, more begging, more accusations. Really shitty stuff." He swallows visibly, then says in a quiet, choked up voice that makes Jihyun's chest ache. "I didn't cause my brother's accident. It wasn't my fault."

"Hyung…"

"But I hadn't saved him in time. It happened…right in front of me. He died right in front of me."

Jihyun doesn't know what to say. It's the sort of pain he's never known, almost like a physical place he's never been. A land he hopes to never see. Between them, a whole world of experience that Jihyun doesn't have, and anything he says will sound fake or placating. So what he does, instead, is put an arm around Jaewon, and Jaewon crumples against him. Before Jihyun knows what's happening, Jaewon is crying, face buried against Jihyun's t-shirt, and trembling in his hold. Jihyun puts both arms around him as though that could shield him from the pain wracking his entire body. Jihyun's throat closes up and he orders himself not to cry, because it's not his place. His place is to hold Jaewon through it.

"It wasn't my fault," Jaewon repeats, his voice muffled against Jihyun's neck. "But it feels like it was." He pulls back slightly, so his voice gets clearer through the tears. "I didn't look out for him. I didn't…he would have been twenty-one this year."

Jihyun realizes he's rocking Jaewon in his arms, face pressed up against his hair. He doesn't stop. He holds Jaewon and he murmurs, "It wasn't your fault," over and over again, until Jaewon's sobs subside and he simply clings to Jihyun with both hands fisted in the back of his shirt, quiet. Jihyun squeezes him tight.

Jaewon lets go after what feels like an eternity and pulls back. His eyes are red-rimmed, puffy. So is the tip of his nose. Jihyun wipes away the remaining tears on his face. He realizes he isn't afraid. He feels trusted with something precious. He won't let him down.

"I'm sorry, Jihuyn-ah," Jaewon whispers. "This is not how I wanted the night to go."

"It's okay," Jihyun tells him softly. "I'm…glad you were honest. I'm sorry that they made you feel this way."

"They always do," Jaewon says with a sigh. He pulls further back until Jihyun's arms fall away from him entirely, sits back, and huffs out a small laugh. "I had a therapist, before I left." Jihyun freezes. Somehow, this feels even more personal than anything Jaewon has shared before. "But it took me running away from home to believe it wasn't my fault."

Jihyun swallows. Listens and waits.

"I needed that distance. Needed to not be in that house," Jaewon continues quietly. He sniffs and looks away. "I haven't felt this shitty in a while." He turns back to Jihyun, watching him with a soft expression on his face. "I'm sorry I've ruined our night together." He cups Jihyun's face with one hand, his touch warm and gentle.

"It's all right," Jihyun ventures quietly. "This is…enough. Being together. Like this."

"Yeah?" Jaewon gives him a soft look, then looks down between them, still holding onto Jihyun's wrist. "What if we…went somewhere. A hotel. To be alone. I don't want to see anybody else."

All Jihyun can do is nod.

*

It's the same hotel, an identical hotel room. Jaewon kisses him almost as soon as they're through the door, and continues kissing him until Jihyun is stripped down to nothing, and then Jaewon follows him down onto the bed.

Jaewon finally breaks off the kiss and gasps against him. "Jihyun-ah, baby—"

"Kiss me," Jihyun orders, and Jaewon comes right back.

Eventually, they get Jaewon naked, as well, and they kiss like that: two bodies pressed up against one another, skin to skin, hip to hip, chest to chest. Legs intertwined, they begin to move against one another, cocks lined up, and Jihyun can't help but make noise, the sounds ripped out of his throat almost against his will.

Jaewon kisses him again and absorbs the sounds into his own throat. Jihyun clutches at him as he loses control and comes, and Jaewon rolls him over onto his back as he finishes himself, a desperate gasp on his lips.

They pant, after, heads close together, sharing a pillow, skin cooling. Jihyun had maybe expected that the hunger would fade with an orgasm, but he feels it, still, beneath his skin. That was only the beginning. He wants more. He wants so much more.

"Hyung," he whispers. "Hyung…"

"Yeah, baby?" A soft kiss to his lips.

Jihyun doesn't know what he wants to say, so he buries his face against Jaewon's neck and breathes, sharp short breaths as his body comes down from its high.

Jaewon strokes his back, slow up-and-down sweeps of his hand. Then his hand dips lower and cups Jihyun's ass, presses them close together. "Fuck. Jihyun-ah…"

Jihyun makes an inquiring noise, feeling beyond words at the moment.

"Want you so much," Jaewon whispers. "Need you so badly."

Jihyun's stomach writhes with it, pleasure and desperation mingling. "I want you, too," he manages, then finally pulls back and looks Jaewon in the eye. "Hyung…" He wants to ask, what happens after? but chickens out. He kisses him, instead. Keeps kissing him until Jihyun no longer wants to ask the question because he no longer wants to know the answer. All there is, is now. He knows that. That is all he can have. So he takes it.

*

Jihyun asks Jaewon to fuck him, because he wants it and because this could be their last chance. It smarts at first, feeling strange and horribly unfamiliar, but then the strangeness melts away, leaving only pleasure in its wake. Jihyun clings to Jaewon, feeling his back beneath his hands, and rocks with him, as close as they possibly can. They can't kiss like this, but they can look one another in the eye, and in Jaewon's gaze he sees his own feelings mirrored back at him: desperation and want and fear. He shuts his eyes and tosses back his head and welcomes Jaewon into his body again and again until he feels not like a body at all but a cluster of molecules about to burst.

*

They order delivery again, and again, Jaewon goes to collect it from the hotel lobby. They eat on the bed, and the mood between them lightens a bit, as though some pressure has been let out.
Afterwards, they lounge in bed, and Jaewon takes pictures of Jihyun.

Jihyun knows he shouldn't let him. It would be one thing if he was dressed, but he isn't. His hips are covered up by a sheet, but it's clear that he's naked. Still, he lets him, because he's helpless not to.

"You're so pretty," Jaewon breathes as he scrolls through the photos afterwards, making Jihyun's stomach writhe with pleasure. "I should have brought my actual camera."

Later, Jaewon plays with Jihyun's hand, and, haltingly at first, and then gaining more confidence, Jaewon tells Jihyun about his little brother.

"He was so young when he died…you'd think I wouldn't have many memories of him. You know?"

Jihyun nods.

"But I do. He was such a sweet kid. He loved me. I know he looked up to me…" Jaewon continues to look at their entwined hands. "I haven't given him much to look up to recently."

Jihyun wants to protest, but stops himself, listening instead.

"I wanted to protect him from the world," Jaewon says quietly, and Jihyun can feel his heart breaking inside his chest. He tugs on Jaewon's hand and pulls him close enough for Jaewon to lay his head on his chest. Jaewon gives his chest a kiss, then settles against him. Tells him more stories.

They doze. Jihyun wakes up disoriented, Jaewon still wrapped around him, and wonders what time it is. The bedside clock isn't visible from where he's lying, but the sun has already set. He needs to be getting back. He probably has messages from his family, but he doesn't even know where his phone ended up.

He doesn't want to leave. Tomorrow is their last day here. Tomorrow, he has to say goodbye to Jaewon.

Jaewon stirs in his arms and lifts his head. He blinks sleepily, looking younger than normal, and gives him an uncertain smile. "We fell asleep?"

Jihyun nods.

"Oh. Sorry." Jaewon goes to move away, but Jihyun stops him, heart hammering.

"Don't. Stay." The desperation from earlier returns. He doesn't want to leave.

Jaewon settles back against him, fits his leg over Jihyun's. Jihyun can feel it where he's growing hard. He himself only needs the slightest of nudges to get there.

They kiss. Jihyun doesn't leave until the clock reads five in the morning, giving Jaewon one last lingering kiss.

He crawls into his own hotel bed and curls into a ball, allowing everything he's feeling to hit him all at once, and the misery that settles over him nearly drowns him.

---

Friday

"You look terrible, Jihyun-ah," Mom remarks at breakfast. "Are you sure you're not getting sick?"

His dad harrumphs but doesn't say anything. Beside him, Jihye stuffs more rice in her mouth. Jihyun, exhausted and sleep-deprived, responds with, "I'm sure, mom. I just didn't sleep well."

Jihye makes a noise at that and Jihyun quietly kicks her underneath the table.

Dad wants them to go for a drive to see the surrounding area before they leave. Jihyun feels a panic grip him—who knows how long that will take? And he had wanted to see if Jaewon had any free time today at all. They hadn't made any concrete plans apart from in the evening, but he wanted to stay close to the beach, anyway.

"I was going to go surfing one last time," Jihye whines. "Do we have to? We came for the beach, didn't we?"

"You've done nothing but complain about being bored," Dad says, exasperated. "I thought this would make you happy."

Jihyun barely breathes, not saying a word.

"Ugggggh, we're going to be driving, like, all day tomorrow. I don't want to go for an extra drive. Oppa wanted to go surfing again, too, didn't you, oppa?"

Jihyun swallows and nods, mute.

Dad throws up his hands. "Fine. You two stay, your mom and I will drive around."

"Yay!"

Jihyun doesn't respond, but the relief he feels is enormous.

He doubts they can get in to see Jaewon for surfing, and it turns out he's right: Jaewon appears to be booked all day.

"Fridays are super busy," he tells them when they show up at the club. "I'm so sorry." And he does look regretful. "Let me hook you up with another instructor, all right?"

So he does. They go out and they take lessons from a friendly woman who gives them the same pointers that Jaewon had, and Jihye appears to have a great time, while Jihyun can't concentrate at all and winds up in the water more than not.

Jaewon catches him in the changing room between clients and they kiss up against the lockers lining the wall, hard and desperate and out of their minds with want.

Jihyun, once again, doesn't ask what will happen once he leaves. Jaewon doesn't bring it up.

*

"Have your parents left?" Jihyun asks tentatively when they meet at their designated spot outside the surf club.

Jaewon winces. "Yeah. Yeah, they left."

Jihyun wants to ask how it had gone, but doesn't know if it's his place to.

Jaewon tells him as they walk down to the beach holding hands. "It was a big blow-out, but it's done. My father is officially disowning me, whatever that means. I feel…I feel bad about my mom. But I can't go back to that house. To them. I just can't."

Jihyun nods, squeezing his hand.

Jaewon has brought a blanket for them to sit on. No picnic this time, but neither one of them is hungry. They sit beneath the stars, a ways away from the main hubbub of the beach, and look out at the blackness of the ocean.

"It's like a void," Jaewon says quietly. "Like there's nothing there."

But they can still hear the waves.

"I'm actually a bit afraid of the ocean," Jihyun confesses.

"You—what? But…you went surfing!" Jaewon stares at him.

Jihyun shrugs. "Yeah. I wanted to…overcome my fears, I guess."

"And did you?" Jaewon asks, sounding curious.

"Mn. I think so." Jihyun curls more in on himself, arms wrapped around his knees.

"How come you're scared of it?" Jaewon asks quietly.

Jihyun sighs. "Sea Cadets. We came to the ocean and some of the boys hazed me in the water. I really thought I was going to drown."

Jaewon is quiet for a moment. "Kids can be cruel, can't they," he says. "Who doesn't have trauma from all those troupes?"

"Mn."

They listen to the waves, sitting companionably, for a long time. When they kiss, settling back on the blanket, the packed sand beneath it is hard and unyielding. Jihyun knows he can't stay out all night again. By tacit agreement, neither of them brings up going to the hotel again. They only strip enough to get to each other's cocks and move together until pleasure peaks, and then they kiss more, Jihyun feeling a crazed desperation, knowing there's no more time left.

"When do you leave?" Jaewon asks, gently sweeping Jihyun's hair off of his forehead.

"Morning. First thing after breakfast." Jihyun swallows, then pulls Jaewon down to him so he can bury his face in his neck. He doesn't try to ask what will happen. If Jaewon had wanted to keep in touch, he would have said something by now. But he hasn't.

In the end, this will become a memory of a beautiful week for Jihyun. He wonders what it will become for Jaewon.

*

They kiss for the last time outside of Jihyun's hotel, hidden in shadow. Jaewon's hands are wrapped beneath his jaw and Jihyun clings to his shoulders, tries to get closer. Jaewon makes these tiny noises in the back of his throat and Jihyun echoes them, swallows them down. They kiss for two minutes, five, ten. Finally, Jaewon pulls back, forehead resting against Jihyun's, and says, breathing heavily, "We should…you should go. I can't…"

Jihyun whimpers and nods, knowing Jaewon is right. They have to stop. He needs to leave. "Hyung…"

"Jihyun-ah," Jaewon whispers as he pulls back. He looks Jihyun in the eye. "I don't…I don't know what to say."

"You don't have to say anything," Jihyun says quietly. He means, you don't have to let me down easy. I get it. He means, I won't make this hard on you.

Jaewon makes a wounded noise and pulls Jihyun to him, burying his face in Jihyun's neck. Jihyun clings to him and gives him a tiny, secret kiss at the base of his neck.

"Okay, okay, okay," Jaewon says and pulls back, looking reluctant. "You should get some sleep. You've got a long day ahead of you tomorrow."

Jihyun nods, unable to look him in the eye. "Yeah. I'll go now."

Jaewon hooks a finger beneath his chin and lifts it. His gaze is searching. "Take care of yourself, Jihyun-ah."

"You too, hyung," Jihyun whispers.

Neither one of them mentions the fact that they have each other's numbers. When Jihyun finally leaves, he forces himself not to look back. Jaewon doesn't call out his name.

Jihyun leaves.

---

Four Months Later

Jihyun is fine. He goes to class, he draws, he writes essays. He spends time with Aeri and Joonpyo. He gets decent grades—he's not on a full scholarship for nothing—and he feels fine. Normal. The way he's always felt.

But occasionally, Aeri will send him a knowing look, or Joonpyo will ask him if he's all right out of nowhere, and he knows: he's not faking it well enough.

In a fit of honesty, he had confessed to Aeri about going on vacation and meeting Jaewon, and she had simply listened, asking no intrusive questions. He hasn't told Joonpyo, but somehow, Joonpyo knows that something's wrong, anyway.

Jihyun misses Jaewon. He thinks about him constantly. It's an incessant hum at the back of his mind, with occasional flashes of images or sounds that crop up at the most inconvenient times. He'll be sitting in class and an image of Jaewon sprawled on the hotel bed will flash through his mind. Sometimes he swears he can still taste Jaewon at the back of his throat. A waft of citrus on the street, and instantly, Jihyun is transported to the beach, face buried against Jaewon's neck.

It's exhausting, missing him all the time.

But life goes on, and so must Jihyun. So he attends his classes and he does his homework and he works and he goes out and he does all of it as though he weren't dragging a huge weight around behind him.

The thing is, it's stupid to miss someone he'd only known for a week. Stupid to have lost his heart to someone who probably never wanted it in the first place. What had he been to Jaewon, anyway? What could he have given him that he didn't already have? Jaewon was an adult already: out of university, doing his own thing. Jihyun is nothing but a kid compared to him, his life regimented by the safety of university. He has no idea what it's like to live in the world, not really. He has no idea what it's like being Jaewon.

So Jihyun is fine. He is, at least, working on it.

*

Jihyun is walking out of the food hall with Joonpyo when his phone pings with a message. He looks down at it, expecting a text from his mother, and freezes.

It's Jaewon.

He blinks, then blinks again. The name doesn't change: the message is, unfathomably, from Jaewon.

It says, Hi. That's all. Just that one word.

Jihyun feels his hands shaking anyway.

"Jihyun-ah? What is it? You okay?"

Jihyun looks up at his best friend of over a decade and has no idea what to say. He feels like the earth just shifted beneath his feet. It's stupid. But he does.

"Jihyun-ah?" Joonpyo stops chewing on his snack and looks at him with concern. "What is it? Did someone—did someone die?"

"What? No, no, it's—"

Joonpyo snatches the phone from him and looks down at it. "Who's Jaewon?"

Jihyun grabs the phone back, not looking at him. "No one. It's…no one."

"It doesn't seem like it's no one. Are you gonna answer?"

Is he? Of course he is. He could pretend like he could ignore the message and let it pass him by, but it's no use pretending to yourself.

"Yeah," he says. Then he shoves the phone back in his pocket. "Where is your next class?"

Joonpyo is still watching him with some concern, but then he says, "Social Sciences building."

"Ah." It's a relief: they're going in opposite directions. "Then I'll see you at home later."

Joonpyo nods and gives him a grin. "See you later!" He walks off, leaving Jihyun standing with his phone burning a hole in his pocket.

He chews on his lip as he takes it out again.

Hi.

It's still on his notification list, along with an email from a professor and a message from Aeri about dinner plans.

He swipes the phone open on the message and stares at it. Staring back at him is their old thread about meeting up, and then: Hi.

He gathers courage around himself like a shroud and types out, Hello.

Then he shoves the phone back in his pocket and decisively walks towards the Fine Arts building.

The thing is…he doesn't understand. Why now? Why at all? Shouldn't Jaewon have forgotten about him by now? Moved on, the way Jihyun has tortured himself with thinking he has?

It makes no sense.

The next message comes just as he's about to walk through the door of his classroom. He feels the vibration of it and stops dead, then doubles back and stands against the hallway wall as he takes out his phone.

Jaewon: I hope it's ok that I'm contacting you

Jihyun bites his lip again and, before he knows what he's doing, typing out, it's ok

Class is about to start. He needs to go in, take out his notebook, and pay attention.

He can't. Without looking back, he walks down the hallway away from the classroom and mentally apologizes to his parents for skipping. He just—he can't sit through a whole hour of knowing Jaewon might be messaging him and not looking at his phone.

It's better this way.

The next message comes just as he steps outside. How have you been?

Jihyun wants to scream. What does it mean? Why is Jaewon messaging him out of the blue?

Fine, he writes out and hits send. You?

He drops down onto a bench and stares at the typing indicator. He wonders, all of a sudden, what Jaewon does for work in the winter, when nobody wants to surf except for the most hard-core surfers who don't need lessons.

Then the indicator goes away with no message. Jihyun's stomach drops down to his toes, the disappointment of it sharp, slicing. He waits, but it doesn't return. Somebody sits down next to him and he's about to get up and trudge back to his dorm when he hears a soft, "Jihyun-ah," and his head snaps up.

At first, it simply makes no sense. He's looking at Jaewon. But that's not possible. He'd left Jaewon behind in Gangneung. This is Seoul. Seoul, where Jaewon had sworn he would never return.

Then Jaewon gives him a soft smile and catches Jihyun's phone where it's begun to slip from his slack grip. "Careful," he says.

Jihyun feels like he's waking from a dream. "Hyung?"

"Hi," Jaewon says. Then he takes a deep breath and lets it out. "Is it all right that I'm here?"

Jihyun swallows, his belly fluttering, heart rabbit-fast inside his ribcage. "How did you—how did you even find me? Why?"

Jaewon shrugs. "I knew which university you went to. I actually went here, as well." Oh. Jihyun hadn't known that. "And I knew you were a fine arts major. So I knew where I could start to look for you."

He looks…so good. It's strange, seeing him in warm clothes. He's wearing a black t-shirt with a leather jacket thrown over it, and tight, black jeans. Jihyun can't stop staring.

"As for why…come on, Jihyun-ah. You have to know."

Jihyun feels like his thoughts have slowed, making absolutely no sense. Nothing is making any sense. "I do?"

Jaewon huffs out a laugh, looks away for a moment. Then his gaze returns to Jihyun's. "I'm sorry I surprised you like this, I guess I should have. Should have asked first. I just thought—"

Jihyun kisses him. He doesn't really mean to, he doesn't plan to. He simply does it, propelled by an absolutely crazed desire. He doesn't think. He simply keeps his lips on Jaewon's until Jaewon makes a noise, opens his mouth, and then they're kissing as though no time at all has passed.

Jihyun knows they shouldn't: it's broad daylight and they are in public. It feels completely shameless, but he can't stop. Jaewon presses him close and kisses him back, the taste of him just the same as it had been back in the summer. The leather of his jacket creaks beneath Jihyun's grip.

Jihyun finally manages to pull back and looks at Jaewon, knowing he probably looks completely wild. "Hyung—"

Jaewon cracks a small smile and says, "I was hoping this would be your reaction. But I didn't know…if maybe…you had already…"

"I can't stop thinking about you," Jihyun blurts out. "I haven't been able to stop."

The smile spreading across Jaewon's face is so bright, it's like the sun coming out from behind a cloud. "Yeah?"

Jihyun nods, not trusting himself not to give himself wholly away. As though he hasn't already.

Jaewon reaches up and sweeps a strand of hair off of Jihyun's forehead, his gaze following his own hand. He grows serious, smile slipping away. "I haven't been able to stop thinking about you, either. Jihyun-ah." He says Jihyun's name as though it explains something.

"Did you…did you come here for me?" Jihyun asks, then feels stupid for asking.

Jaewon wrinkles his nose. "Yes. No." He sighs. "It's…complicated. Or maybe not so complicated."

Jihyun pulls back and looks at him. Really looks at him. "Tell me."

"I did come here because I missed you. But it's more than that." Jaewon looks around them at the students passing by and not giving them a second glance. "Can we…can we go somewhere? To talk?"

Jihyun knows just the place.

*

It's chilly on the roof of Jihyun's dorm. Jihyun shivers and Jaewon immediately takes off his jacket and wraps it around him.

"Oh, you don't have to—I can—"

Jaewon sits back. "It looks good on you."

Jihyun shuts up, belly writhing.

"So," Jaewon says, then sighs. "I haven't reconciled with my parents or anything. That's…done, it's done."

Jihyun nods.

"But I knew that I was being stupid and stubborn, not coming back to Seoul." Jihyun watches as Jaewon swallows, then looks up at the sky. "I told you I'm a photographer." Jihyun nods. "Right. So there are just…so many more opportunities here. So much more I can do."

Of course. It makes so much sense. Jihyun feels an irrational sadness that it hadn't been for him that Jaewon came back.

"But also," Jaewon says slowly, then looks down at where their knees are nearly touching. "You were here. In Seoul. And I…I wanted to see you again." A pause. "Very, very badly."

Jihyun's heart thumps inside his chest, one, two, three; hollow thumps that reverberate through his whole body. "You did?" he asks, his voice a rasp.

Jaewon gives him a smile. "Yes. Fuck. Jihyun-ah…of course." He looks back down. "I just didn't know if you'd want to see me. I mean, I hoped you would, but…you never know, do you?"

"I did," Jihyun says helplessly. "I've missed you."

"I've missed you too," Jaewon says with a slow-spreading smile. "So, what, no university boys to turn your head?"

Jihyun scoffs and looks away. "No. No other boys."

"No," Jaewon says quietly. "Not for me either."

This time, the kiss is slow, sweet like the drip of honey. When the tip of Jaewon's tongue touches Jihyun's, Jihyun feels as though his spine is melting, all of him giving itself over to Jaewon.

He can't believe it. Jaewon. Jaewon, here. Bizarrely, on his roof. In Seoul.

Jihyun pulls back. "So are…are you living here?" he asks, not daring to hope.

Jaewon nods. "Yes. I'm staying with a university friend for now. She had an extra bedroom, her roommate moved out unexpectedly. So that's where I'll be for now. I've got some savings."

Jihyun wants to ask, do you want to be with me? but even now, can't bring himself to. It feels too exposing, too…too needy. So he simply nods.

Jaewon huffs out a laugh and ducks his head. "So. I guess I'm here now."

"Why didn't you write me before today?" Jihyun asks before clamping his mouth shut. He hadn't meant to ask that, at all.

Jaewon's eyebrows rise in surprise. "You…didn't say you wanted me to," he says, sounding careful. "I didn't want to be intrusive."

Jihyun bites his lip. He's already started, so… "Then why didn't we talk about it before I left? You never…you never said if you wanted to see me again, or—"

"Jihyun-ah," Jaewon says softly. "Neither did you."

That pulls Jihyun up short. "Oh. But—"

"I was taking my cue from you," Jaewon tells him. "I thought…if you wanted to keep in touch, you'd have said something."

"I was taking my cue from you," Jihyun says helplessly. "I thought you just didn't care."

Jaewon leans in and cups Jihyun's jaw in his hand. "Of course I cared. I simply…you're at university, you're young, I'm…I'm older." Jihyun's heart sinks down at the words. Is this Jaewon letting him down easy after all? "I simply didn't want to impose myself on you."

"Oh." Jihyun chews on his lip. "So…what changed, then?"

Jaewon gives him another soft smile and drops his hand. "I couldn't stop thinking about you. I hoped you felt the same. I didn't know, but I hoped."

"So what are we?" Jihyun asks, finally asking what he had wanted to ask that whole week at the beach.

"Well," Jaewon says slowly, "I was hoping that maybe we could date. If you wanted."

Jihyun feels a lightness inside him, as though he were a balloon, just barely tethered to the ground. "Really? You want that?" Want me?

"Very, very much so," Jaewon tells him and leans in. Jihyun leans in right back. Their smiles only drop off at the last moment.

*

Jihyun makes sure that Joonpyo isn't around before inviting Jaewon into their room. Jaewon looks around, nodding. "I never lived in a dorm, but friends of mine did. Hey, are these your drawings?" He walks up to the wall next to Jihyun's bed.

"Mn." Jihyun sets down his portfolio and stands next to him. "I think I've gotten better since I drew these."

"They're really good," Jaewon says quietly, then turns to him. "So. What now?"

Jihyun has some ideas.

*

Afterwards, they decide to go out to eat. It's too early for dinner, but they're both ravenous, so food it is. Jihyun takes him to his restaurant.

"This is where I work," he tells him as they walk through the door and his boss notices him and greets him loudly enough that people turn their heads. "That's my boss," he adds with a smile as he waves at her.

They find an empty table and order pork and soju with a side of vegetables. Jihyun cooks it for them, even though Jaewon protests. "I do this all the time," Jihyun explains. "I don't mind."

Jaewon shakes his head and gives in with a tiny pleased smile. As he barbecues, Jihyun feels Jaewon's gaze on him. "What?" he asks, flushing.

"Nothing. Just looking at my boyfriend."

Jihyun's belly flutters. He clears his throat but doesn't know what to say. He can't help smiling, though, and biting his lip. Jaewon laughs softly and touches his foot to Jihyun's underneath the table.

"I'm going to take so many pictures of you," he says in a low voice. "If you'll let me."

"As practice?" Jihyun teases as he flips the pork belly.

"For pleasure," Jaewon says and forces another flush through Jihyun.

"I'll let you," he says, feeling bold, then catches Jaewon's eye. Jaewon grins and takes a shot of soju. Jihyun doesn't look away.

*

They end up going to Han River and settling down on the bank, feet dangling off. It's chilly from the breeze and Jaewon wraps an arm around Jihyun, pulls him closer. Jihyun unashamedly snuggles up against him and hums with pleasure. "This is nice."

Jaewon hums in response. "It is. I've missed Seoul."

"Really?" Jihyun asks, pulling back so he can look at Jaewon. "It didn't seem like it this summer."

Jaewon shrugs. "Summer is different. But I love fall in the city. I've missed how busy it is, missed the river, the subway—"

"The traffic, the noise, the pollution," Jihyun lists out, sniggering.

"Brat," Jaewon says without heat. "That too."

Jihyun settles back against him. "I didn't want to miss you," he says quietly. "But I did."

"I did, too. I tried to stop thinking about you, but…"

"I'm glad you didn't," Jihyun says boldly. "I really thought you must have forgotten about me by now." He doesn't say it to fish for a compliment. He's simply being honest.

Jaewon makes a disbelieving noise. "As though I could."

Jihyun smiles and presses up even closer. In the dark, it's probably hard to tell that they're two men. They probably just look like any other couple to passers-by. And he doesn't want to move away, not now. Jaewon smells so good, so familiar, so like himself, that it makes Jihyun's head spin.

He'll have to tell Joonpyo. He hopes he doesn't react badly. He will probably also tell his parents. Jihye might even be happy for him. A new life unspools before him, an anticipation filling him with a newly-hatched sort of happiness. Jaewon is his, and he's here, and they're dating. Sure, it will probably be complicated, and they're both going to be busy, and it won't all be sunshine and roses. He knows that. But right now, as he settles more deeply against Jaewon and Jaewon squeezes him tighter and kisses the crown of his head, Jihyun knows nothing but joy.

***

Notes:

I'm on twitter as fannish_liz (for now, anyway. RIP, twitter) & tumblr as ziusik!