Work Text:
The warmth eases the sting of his wind-chafed skin from his head to his toes. He scrubs any dirt off with a washcloth and his travel toiletries, ending the shower with the tap on as frigid as he can handle to reduce the ache of his muscles. When finished he pats dry, gets dressed, and blow dries his hair.
When Jamie returns to the main room Dani’s got the game menu pulled up and has the controllers sitting on the end of one of the mattresses. He joins him near the headboard and sits cross legged.
“Are you ready to be destroyed?” Dani asks.
Jamie scoffs, “Don’t get cocky, big guy.” He chides back, nudging his friend with his elbow. They pick their teams and start the first match. It’s competitive and back-and-forth until Dani gets two goals and basically runs away with it.
Jamie’s about to start complaining when a knock comes at their door. He stands, “I’ll get it.” he says, already walking to unlock the door. Before he does, he checks the peephole to make sure it’s their food. He sees a man in uniform and unlatches the deadbolt, letting him roll the cart into the room.
He removes the silver cloches from the plates and looks to Dani and Jamie for approval of the dishes before he leaves - a twenty pound tip in his hand. Jamie and Dani both move to the end of the bed and dig into the meals.
"I will never get tired of this," Dani says around a mouthful of chips, "I love to cook, but free food just tastes so much better." He takes a bite of chicken.
Jamie nods in agreement. "Didn't know you cooked." He says, raising a brow.
Dani swallows, "Usually to remind myself of home, but sometimes I just get so bored of eating the same meals for training." He pauses, "I need variety."
Jamie nods, he gets that.
They take about half an hour to eat their meals. It's what the medical staff would consider to be HFSS, but Jamie and Dani couldn't give a shit right now. It tastes delicious after weeks of protein shakes, bland greens, and under seasoned cuts of meat. The batter on Jamie's fish is golden and crunches perfectly. The buttery flavor with a hint of lemon acidity makes him almost moan when he lets it sit in his tongue. His beer disappears quickly and he switches to water because he knows his body is craving it.
When they're done, Dani gets up to roll the cart away from the bed. It's unanimously decided to keep playing their game, and before they know it it's getting pretty late.
"Right, I should probably brush my teeth." Jamie says. His face scrunches around a yawn. He goes to the toilet and then does just that. Presumably, Dani does the same after him.
"One more?" Jamie asks. Dani plops back down on the mattress. He smiles.
"Sí, but if you lose you cannot do best two out of three. Okay?" Dani says, teasing as usual.
Jamie yawns, "Promise."
Jamie loses. They play three more rounds despite their agreement, and somewhere along the way Jamie feels himself being lulled into sleep.
***
Jamie's mouth feels fuzzy when he wakes.
His nose is pressed into something firm and he distinctly notes that his lower body feels warmer than usual - and not in a good way. He stretches and opens his eyes, only to freeze at what he finds.
His nose was pressed into the sharp shoulder blade of Dani Rojas. His legs, still covered in joggers, are tangled between that of his teammate's, both of them laying on top of the duvet. One of his arms is draped around his front, dipping over Dani's waist and settling at his abdomen. Jamie blinks at the toned skin in front of him and decides the only way to not make this awkward is to pretend that this is a normal situation that happens.
He rolls from spooning Dani and onto his back. His spine thanks him for the support, and he stretches out his limbs like a starfish. Jamie looks for his phone - it's still in his pocket - and checks the time: just past five thirty in the morning. He groans, "Fuck." He mumbles.
Dani's shifting now. Probably cold at the loss of warmth. His long hair is messy and Jamie's transfixed on the way his friend's hands feather down to his stomach where his own were just moments ago.
Jamie clears his throat, "Dani," he starts with a soft poke to the man's arm, "Dani, we've got to start packing." He pokes him again. No movement. He gently brushes the raven strands from Dani's forehead, "C'mon, Muchacho - they're going to be waiting on us." He gives a gentle nudge to Dani's shoulder.
Finally a flicker of life emerges. Dani opens one eye. When he sees who's peering down at him the other one snaps open. His brows crumple up in confusion, "Jamie?" He asks.
Jamie nods, "We're going to be late." He says.
Dani hums and reaches a hand out to point at Jamie's thigh, "Why are you wearing trousers?" He asks.
Jamie feels his face heat. He lets out a dumb, "What?"
Dani grins at his flustered expression, "Hm, you never wear pants - trousers - to bed." His voice is still heavy with sleep, "Always leg." He mumbles, "So much leg." He yawns.
Jamie stands up, "Must've passed out last night." He turns to hide his face and grabs a clean set of clothes and walks to the loo, "get changed, Rojas." He shouts from the doorway.
***
They don't acknowledge it after that. On the coach they sit next to each other and mind themselves on the journey home, messing around on their phones and making small talk with the people around them when prompted.
That's not to say Jamie doesn't think about it.
When he gets back to his flat with half the day ahead of him he finds his mind wanders to that morning frequently. The casualness of it all. Waking up holding Dani and Dani seemingly not being phased by it at all. It was humiliatingly vulnerable, but Jamie didn't find himself truly embarrassed at all. The sweet woodsy smell of his skin permeates through Jamie's memory. It's a scent he can't quite shake.
When he goes to bed alone that night in just an oversized t-shirt he thinks of Dani looking up at him and his smile. When Jamie finally drifts off it's with the comfort of knowing that Dani is the first person in a long time he feels like he fully trusts.
***
The next time it happens, Jamie's a little more on guard.
They've just won away in Brighton, and realistically they could be back home at Richmond within two hours, but Ted tells them to enjoy the evening and they'll head back tomorrow morning.
So, naturally, the team get cleaned up at the hotel, eat, and head straight for the first club they can find.
There are so many people inside that Jamie almost hates it. Everyone is too close, and the lights are so much, and there's nowhere left to sit. Then Isaac hands him a shot of something that burns his throat and it doesn't seem as bad after that.
It’s Richard who drags him onto the dance floor, abandoning him almost immediately. Jamie doesn't mind though. He’s just buzzed enough to not feel paranoid about his presence as a footballer.
Ten minutes later he's dancing with some stranger. She has a curvy body, thick legs and plush stomach. She presses up against him in all the right places. She’s wearing a silky green dress that drapes over her skin like it was made just for her. She’s shorter than him and from his vantage point he can see when her hazel eyes blink closed and her lashes fan on the prominent apple’s of her cheeks. Her light brown hair frames her round face and Jamie thinks she’s absolutely beautiful. He thinks he’d ask her to come home with him if he weren’t sharing a room with Dani.
Eventually he thanks her for the evening, compliments her sweetly and explains why he has to leave, then politely makes his way back over to the bar to set down his glass and leave for the night. Around his waist curls a familiar pair of arms.
"Jamie, dios mío," Dani murmurs, he says his name the way Jamie loves it, with a soft j, and drunkenly drags a finger down the deep v of his half unbuttoned shirt. Jamie involuntarily shivers at the feeling, "eres hermoso esta noche." Dani shifts around to his front and looks at Jamie through half-lidded eyes.
"Okay, Dani boy," Jamie shifts him to lean against him, an arm over his shoulder, "how about we get you home, yeah?"
Dani hums, "Mientras esté contigo."
Jamie sets the blue beverage his friend is holding onto the bar, "I'll take that for a yes."
The walk back to the hotel is short but stumbling. After they get out of the lift, Jamie navigates them to their room. He plops Dani down on the mattress and leans back to go to his own, but Dani grabs his wrist firmly.
"No." He says, pulling Jamie back down to the bed next to him.
Jamie swallows, "C'mon, Dani." He tries to halfheartedly pull away. Dani resists.
Dani mumbles something incomprehensible, "Please stay?" He asks. Jamie feels his gut do something at that. He wants to put up some sort of resolve, but he's got nothing. So, he kicks his trainers off and does the same for Dani, then slowly lays down beside him.
Laying there Jamie can't help but think. Once is a mistake, but twice? Twice is a pattern. And this time? This time Dani isn't shy about it. He's drunk. And Jamie's got a drink or two (or three) in him, but he's nowhere near as gone as Dani. Just enough to feel lighter than he normally does.
The man at his side manages to shuck his shirt off and tosses it away. It lands on a lamp and Jamie's just glad the garment didn’t knock it over. He's trying to be stock still, but he feels every single one of Dani's movements next to him like they're being amplified by a thousand.
A feathering of hair over his shoulder. A thigh pressed over his own. A chin resting on his bicep. Fingers splayed on his stomach over his silk shirt, messing absentmindedly with the buttons.
Jamie's moving to intertwine their hands before he can even think better of it. He tells himself it's to keep them still. That the motions were distracting him from passing out. Dani's little sigh at the contact makes him pinch his eyes together and beg for sleep, because if he lets himself think about it for more than a second he knows that's not why he did it.
***
This time when he wakes up he's well aware of their situation.
Dani's wrapped up over his right side unabashedly, with a leg slotted between Jamie's own. He's got an arm strewn over his chest and hand wrapped around his shoulder. Jamie's right hand is curled up in his teammate's hair, gently placed on the back of his neck. Dani's face is pressed between his arm and shoulder and Jamie can feel his breath fanning out on the skin there.
It's a little more difficult for Jamie to pretend that this is a casual thing. It's weirdly intimate and he feels his skin itching with the contact, grateful for his shirt that at least provides a thin layer of separation.
He slides his hand out from the nape of Dani's neck and runs it over his hair, "Rojas," he mutters. His voice is scratchy and he hears the sleep in his tone, "Dani, c'mon mate." He brings his left hand up to detach Dani's from his shoulder.
Dani moans his annoyance and burrows his head into his shirt even more. Jamie runs his hand over his hair and stares up at the ceiling, "Dani…" Dani seems to still, "we gotta get up."
His friend sits up with a start. He's bracing himself above Jamie and Jamie can almost see his mind catching up with him. Dani swallows, "Good morning." He says quickly. He sounds chipper for having just woken up.
Jamie clears his throat, “Hi.”
Dani simply stares at him for a minute, his eyes dipping down somewhere before returning back to his own. “We should probably get ready, no?" He asks. Jamie nods. In response to this Dani only hums. A finger pushes a strand of hair off his forehead and Jamie doesn't quite know what the fuck is going on right now.
"I will go take a shower." Dani decides. He untangles himself from Jamie and leaves him laying there. Flustered. His body aches and he really wishes he got to the shower first because he feels overall shitty.
Instead he locates his bag and digs around until he finds some clean clothes to change into. His hair feels crumpled and he realizes then that he fell asleep wearing his alice band. "Fuck." He mutters to himself as he peels the elastic off his head. He rubs his temples and shuffles out of his day-old socks.
Dani emerges from the lavatory wrapped up in a towel, "All yours, Tartt." He says. Jamie ignores the way he wants to stare and stumbles his way to the large shower.
The water immediately eases some of his discomfort. He puts it on hot and just stands under the tap for a while.
He lets the humid air fill his lungs and is just starting to lather some body wash when he hears a gentle knock on the door. He freezes.
"Uh," he starts, "Yeah?"
"Can I come in and finish getting ready?" Dani asks, "Only because it is already fifteen to seven and Coach Roy did not seem very happy when we were late last time, and I do not want to have to run laps."
Jamie's legs sting at the memory, "Sure-- 'course." He says.
The door unlatches leaving only the steamed up glass of the shower separating his naked body from Dani's view. And, like, yes-- they have seen one another naked before. That's part of being a footballer: naked blokes. And Jamie’s not ashamed, he knows he’s fit. But never really feels like this.
If he's honest with himself, there's a type of domesticity developing between them that Jamie's both craving and terrified of.
Jamie thinks that if he tried to explain to someone that he and Dani fell asleep in each other's arms and then they saw this scene here… Well, let's just say he's sure it would end up in some kinda tabloid frenzy.
Dani's hair dryer turning on snaps him out of his thoughts.
Scrubbing his body is methodical and quick. He rinses before he can think about it anymore.
Jamie blindly grabs for his towel hanging up on the wall and pulls it back into the shower to cover himself. The hairdryer is still going when he comes out. Water drips from his hair and down over his torso. He shivers from the change in temperature.
Dani, now wearing a button up and denim trousers, turns off the blow dryer and offers it to Jamie. "Cheers." He thanks, taking it and working on his own damp mop. Once he gets it dry enough, he turns it off and wraps the cord up.
Then Jamie squeezes some paste onto his toothbrush and starts to clean his mouth. Part way through he catches Dani’s eyes in the mirror across from them. He suddenly feels exposed, eyes on his bare chest and skin riddled with gooseflesh. Jamie finishes brushing and spits into the sink.
First he pulls on his hooded cotton jumper and runs a hand through his hair. He shifts back and forth on his feet, suddenly and uncharacteristically bashful about removing his towel to put on his pants and trousers. He does it quickly, dropping the towel and putting on his clothes. Jamie fumbles with his button, but gets it on the second try.
Beside him, Dani hums, “I think pink is your color.”
Jamie feels something flutter in his belly, “What?” he asks, convinced he must have misheard.
Dani grins, turning towards him and pulling the drawstring near his neck, “Pink. It suits you very much.” his friend tilts his head and then swivels 180 degrees and out the door. Jamie blinks at where he was and fiddles with the plastic on the end of the string that Dani just pulled.
When he looks in the mirror Jamie’s not surprised to see his cheeks have turned a shade complementary to the hoodie he is wearing. He curses to himself and grips the countertop until his knuckles turn white.
***
If twice is a pattern, then three times? Three times is a habit.
They’re in the hotel on their next away match after their time in Amsterdam. It’s late, nearing midnight. There is not much leading up to it this time, at least Jamie didn’t think so. He’s on his own bed, messing around on his phone and Dani flops down in the open space next to him.
“I missed having you here last time.” Dani mutters, stretching his limbs out casually.
Jamie turns off his phone, “Did you?” he asks boldly, “I am known to be incredible company.” he teases.
Dani smiles at this, “That you are, Jamie Tartt.”
Jamie turns shy at the genuineness in his tone, “How do you do that?” Jamie asks. The man next to him shifts to face him. Jamie meets his furrowed brows, “Just say what you mean, all honest like.”
Dani shrugs, “We don’t always speak with words,” he shifts his gaze down to Jamie’s fidgeting hands and back up to his face, “but when I do, I do not like to hide what I feel. You are incredible company, why should I not say it?”
Jamie swallows, he watches as Dani’s eyes flicker down for a millisecond. “I like spending time with you too.” he confesses. Dani’s grin turns soft. “I’m sorry we couldn’t hang out last time. Roy was getting on me ‘bout training and then I found out he couldn’t ride a bike and he got all sappy and shit. Figured I should teach ‘em how.”
Dani laughs, “I am sure Coach Roy did not give you an easy task.”
Jamie’s grin splits, he finds himself laughing too, “No, he did not.”
Their chuckles quiet down after a few seconds. It lapses into silence for a moment or two, just them breathing and looking at each other.
Dani reaches out slowly. He places a hand flat on Jamie’s chest. A palm covering his beating heart.
He shivers. It’s obvious he does. “Dani…” he whispers, the name just tumbles from his lips.
“I enjoy being close to you,” Dani looks him in the eyes, “I enjoy waking up with you.” Jamie feels his breath catch. His heart is pounding rapidly and he knows Dani can feel it. “And I know you cannot say it, but I think that you do too.” The last bit comes out quiet, but certain. Jamie feels like he’s been laid bare.
He brings a hand up to place over Dani’s own. He waits a few minutes before speaking. When he clears his throat it feels scratchy, “Tell me about back home-- about your family.”
Dani somehow knows he means I need to hear you talk. He doesn’t mind, just smiles, “Well, you know about how big my family is,” Jamie nods - remembering being shocked that he is the youngest of 12 brothers and sisters. Growing up alone with his mum, Jamie couldn’t even imagine that. “One of my sisters wants to restart the food truck business, but my mother does not want her to be burdened with it. At least that’s what she claims. I think my grandma - Aleja, I’ve spoke of her before - is trying to convince her that it’s time to let someone take control.” Dani’s cheeks pinch up into his eyes from his smile, “Which is a little ironic coming from her.” He lets out a laugh and Jamie feels himself smiling.
“Anyways,” Dani continues, “I want to go home and visit them, but I’m afraid if I did it would be hard to come back.” Jamie hums at this. “Tell me about you and your mother.” Dani requests.
Jamie shifts their hands from his chest to his waist, “Well, my mum is always great. We’re just alike. Have been bad about going home since-” he sighs, “since that thing with my father.” Dani squeezes him, “She called me the other day, when it was late. Wanted to talk to me about some reality series she’s been watching - she’s part of the reason I left Man City to do the show - but that’s besides the point. She said something off-hand about her car needing new tires and I offered to pay for ‘em.” Jamie rolls his eyes at the memory, “She always refuses my money, you know? Says she’s been able to make it this long that any money I make is my own - all that shit.” Jamie rolls so he’s tucked under Dani’s chin, his back pressed to his friends’ front. “Just wish she knew she doesn’t have to do it alone.”
He hears Dani hum beside his ear, “I understand, I love being able to provide for my family.” he pauses, “I would not take it personally though, I can tell that you make her very proud.” Jamie smiles.
Breath flickers against his ear lobe. Dani’s hand flutters under his shirt and rests against the skin there, “This okay?” he asks. Jamie swallows, nods, “Yeah.”
Jamie’s already in his pyjamas ready for sleep, only an oversized shirt and pants. Dani’s got on the opposite: some old joggers and nothing on top. Together they're pressed head to toe, but the only skin-to-skin contact is Dani's hand on his stomach.
That's all that happens. At some point Jamie pulls the covers up over the pair of them.
Several hours later Jamie's phone alarm goes off. He turns it off on the first chime and untangles himself from Dani's grip. His teammate grumbles, but stays sleeping.
He’s stiff, and he doesn’t let himself dwell on it because he’s not sure what he’d do if he did. Instead, he turns on the tap of the shower as cold as it goes and wills it to go away. When he’s done, he dries his hair and gets changed.
He hears Dani getting up, but instead of waiting he packs his bag and gets on the bus twenty minutes early. On his phone he writes a text: keeley, can we talk? then a follow up: 2day maybe?
***
“Hi, Jamie!” Keeley says. She’s wearing a fluffy pink robe with a matching pastel purple shorts and vest. She looks happy and cozy, and Jamie feels comforted by her presence.
He forces a smile, “Hi, Keeley.”
Keeley’s smile dims a bit, she tilts her head, “Well, come in.” she offers.
Jamie steps past her inside the familiar flat. She locks the latch behind him and he toes off his trainers. The pair walk towards the sofa and Jamie automatically puts a shaggy white pillow in his lap. He picks at the material a bit while Keeley grabs them both a cup of tea.
“I think I’ve got a proper," he feels like gagging when he says the next word, "crush," he winces, "on a lad.” He says. It’s rushed and he sounds stupid to his own ears, but Keeley only meets him with kind eyes and a surprised o-face. She reaches out a manicured hand to cover his own. Reassurance. “And I know, like, you like lads and ladies-” “-And others” Keeley cuts in gently. Jamie nods, “Right-- you like not just blokes.” he corrects himself, “So, I thought maybe you’d be someone who I could talk to about,” he gestures with his hand, “this.” his polo neck feels like it’s suffocating him.
Keeley sets her cup down on the table next to his own. She turns to him and grips his hands tight with both hands now. “Well first, Jamie, I want to thank you for trusting me with this.” She smiles, “And second, of course you can talk to me about it.” Jamie takes a breath and is about to speak, but Keeley beats him to it, “It’s Dani, isn’t it?”
Jamie freezes mouth half open, “How the fuck did you know that?” he asks, incredulous.
Keeley’s grin turns massive, “Oh my God!” She shoves his shoulder and Jamie just knows his face is turning an embarrassing shade of scarlet.
He groans and lets his head fall back, "Stop it."
Keeley giggles once more, "Jamie, I think it's wonderful."
He sighs and opens an eye to look at her, "It's embarrassing." He argues. She rolls her eyes now, "Piss off, Dani's mad fit, there's nothing embarrassing about that at all." She argues. She fixes him with a look then, "Wait… does this mean that Dani likes you too?"
Jamie picks at the pillow again, "I think he might." He says. Keeley’s smile becomes soft at this, "That's great, Jamie." She says, "And how do you know- if you don't mind me asking?"
Jamie shrugs, "Well, we've been sleeping together, haven't we."
Keeley's jaw goes slack, "You've been what?" Her tone is eerily similar to Roy’s.
Jamie realizes the implication of what he said, "No-- no, we've not shagged or anything. Like we've just been falling asleep together in the same bed, right." He explains. "And he likes to touch me. All the time, not just in private. Sometimes during training I'll feel his hands on me and it just kind of feels right. Like he should be touching me or whatever." He sighs, frustrated, "I probably sound like an idiot."
Keeley frowns, "Not at all. I think it's really sweet." She says. "Does he know how you feel?" She asks.
Jamie sighs, "Yes. I'm sure he does, he all but told me he did." "But…?" "But, I just can't get the words out. I don't know how."
Keeley pats his pillow and leans back, she reaches for her cup and takes a sip. Thinking. "Dani's a good guy, he's not going to care if you sound smart or not. Just be honest and he'll be respectful either way."
Jamie hums, "Yeah, You're probably right."
Keeley smiles again, "Of course I am."
***
Jamie thinks now, drinking after their match in Manchester, he really should've really listened to Keeley.
Today has been a lot. Too fucking much even.
From seeing his mum, winning the Man City match, hearing his name being chanted from the stands, and now sitting here with Roy and Keeley - sipping champagne from paper cups and waiting for the swelling of his ankle to go down.
He's going to need a lot more than this to take the edge off.
After a good while, Roy excuses himself to take a piss. Jamie nods, "You can leave if you'd like. I should probably get this wrapped and head home soon." Jamie says.
Roy grunts, he looks at Keeley, then back to Jamie "Only if you're sure."
Jamie nods, "Yeah, man. I'll be fine. Just need to rest is all."
Roy grunts again. He looks over to the woman at his side, "Keeley." He mumbles.
She gives him a kind of sad but hopeful look, "'Night, Roy." He nods and leaves.
It's just the two of them now. Jamie rotates his ankle and winces notably less than he had earlier. The sound of ice rattles through the quiet room.
"It was really lovely meeting your mum," Keeley starts, "I see where you get a lot of your charming qualities." She says. And Jamie is shocked to hear she is being absolutely genuine.
He winces as he lifts his foot from the bucket. And lets the water puddle under his heel onto the floor. "It was nice of you both to come. Er- follow me I guess. I think she really liked meeting you." He says, "Simon's a bit of a wanker, but he treats her right. Can't hate him for that." Keeley hums.
Jamie starts to shift to get a towel, but he groans and how heavy his body feels. Keeley sets down her cup and stands, "Let me help-" "You don't 'ave to- "Shut it."
Keeley grabs a fresh fluffy towel and pats his leg dry from the knee down. The brace set aside for Jamie gets slowly strapped to his ankle and calf. “That too tight?” she asks him. He shakes his head, “No, it’s perfect. Thank you, Keels.”
She stands and sits next to him, “‘Course, Jamie.”
There’s a beat or two of silence that’s interrupted by a soft knock at the door. Through the window they see a familiar face. Keeley motions him to come in.
“Hi, Dani,” Keeley says sweetly, “What are you still doing here?” she pokes Jamie’s side as she asks it and he feels his face turn hot.
Dani shuffles in and stands across from the pair of them. He noticeably stares at his leg where the brace is, “I was worried.” he swallows. Jamie doesn’t think that Dani has sounded like this before towards him, “And I wanted to help give a ride home.” Dani says. He’s looking at Jamie now. There’s something just under the surface - behind his eyes - that terrifies Jamie. True unabashed concern for his well being.
“That’s very sweet of you,” she looks at Jamie and presses a kiss to the top of his hair, “I should head out then.” she winks and slides off of the medical bench,“Have a good night you two.”
Jamie waits for the door to latch before he looks up at the man across from him. His throat feels welded shut, so he reaches out a hand. Dani’s palm slots into his easily, and when Jamie pulls him close Dani is easy to follow.
Jamie lets his forehead rest on Dani’s chest, “Thank you.” he mumbles. Dani’s free hand comes to cart through Jamie’s hair, “Always.” Dani says, “Can you walk?”
Jamie hums, “Yes.” he straightens up, and begins to stand. Dani keeps their hands together and walks them to his car. He waits for Jamie to buckle and then starts the engine.
Jamie looks at Dani who seems upset about something. He takes a chance, "Are you alright?" He asks.
Dani sighs, “Yes. And no.” he turns down a street that Jamie knows isn’t his own, “My hermano, Emilio, his wife, Ana, and him are expecting a baby. She went to the hospital today, the baby will be born any time now” he pauses, “I hate that I keep missing things.” he says.
Jamie frowns, he places a hand on Dani’s thigh, “I’m sorry,” his voice is coming out sleepy even though he doesn’t feel tired. Not around Dani. Maybe he's just at ease. “I’m sure they understand.”
Dani turns again, the row of houses looks familiar to Jamie now, but not because they’re his own, “I know. It’s just,” he turns on the directional to pull into the drive. He parks the car and faces Jamie, “frustrating.” Jamie nods. He knows the feeling well. In the back of his mind he’s still processing that they’re outside Dani’s flat.
Dani gets out of the driver's side of the car and opens the door for Jamie. He offers his arm. Jamie doesn’t need it, but he takes it anyway. His boot makes the walk more clumsy than he would’ve been without it, but he knows that he needs to keep it on.
Getting up the stairs is the worst part, but Dani unlocks the latch quick enough and they’re in. He unties his trainer and Dani leads him to the sofa, but Jamie stops. Freezes. Dani turns to him with a confused face.
Jamie swallows, “Can we go to bed?” he asks.
Dani blinks, “Of course.”
And so that’s what they do. Dani’s room has an ensuite, so Jamie takes his time brushing his teeth with an extra toothbrush alongside him. When they’re done, the walk to the bed isn’t far at all.
He sits on the edge of the mattress and watches as Dani steps in front of him. "Let me help?" He asks. Jamie nods.
He reaches down for the waist of his trousers and unbuttons them. Dani tugs them loose and Jamie raises his hips to get them over his bum. It's clinical, Dani takes good care to avoid touching him as much as possible. Jamie wishes that he didn't. When he gets down to where the brace is around his foot, Dani undoes the velcro and slides the puffy black material off of his ankle. He does it so incredibly gently that Jamie has to swallow back something. The rest of the trousers come off next, then the socks follow.
"I'll be right back," Dani says. He walks to the built-in wardrobe and fetches a clean shirt. Jamie unzips his jacket and works his arms free.
When he returns, Dani helps him slide his t-shirt up over his head and puts the new one on even though he doesn't need to. Jamie puts his arms through the sleeves and in a moment of pure impulse, he grabs onto Dani's hand and places it on the base of his skull.
Dani looks at him then. His impervious facade fractures and Jamie sees something in his face that he's seen from many a stranger before: desire.
But Dani's no stranger.
Jamie swallows, "You going to kiss me yet, Rojas?" He asks.
A large swell of air escapes through Dani's nose, like a breath he was holding finally burst free. "Jamie…" he says. Jamie watches him close his eyes, swallow, then open them again. "I don't want to push you too far-"
"I want you to kiss me so badly that I don't even know how to act normal around you anymore." Jamie confesses. Dani’s hand on his nape stiffens. "I'm not going to wake up tomorrow and pretend like it didn't happen."
Dani's other hand comes to rest on his shoulder, "Are you sure about this?"
He nods, reaches an arm out to tug on his waist, "More than anything." He says.
That's all it takes for Dani to lean down and slot their mouths together. Their first kiss is slow and deep, and Jamie feels like he's breathing for the first time and drowning all at once.
The first thing Jamie notices is the soft prickle of their shaved upper lips and the butterflies that flood his stomach at the realization. Dani's hand slips up into his hair and grips him with just enough pressure to make him moan. He feels a tongue flicker on his bottom lip, and lets Dani explore wherever he wants. Jamie's hand fists into the side of Dani's joggers. He pulls him down and it's only then that they break for air.
Jamie's chest is heaving with inhales and exhales. Dani's eyes are closed and he watches the way he takes a second before opening them.
He lets Dani manhandle him a bit, guiding him so his back leans against the pillows at the headboard. Dani’s face looks lustful and Jamie hates the way it makes him feel undone. Bare.
Dani grins and strips off his embroidered charcoal button-up. "Is this okay?" Dani asks. He takes care not to jostle Jamie's swollen foot.
Jamie nods rapidly, eyes fixed on the man kneeling on the bed in front of him, "Yeah-- Yes. Definitely." Jamie tries not to stare and fails, "Can I?" He asks. Dani takes his hand and guides it to his stomach, he nods.
The man above him feels warm to the touch. Jamie's cool fingers slide up, over the bumpy muscle of his abdomen, and caress the flesh of his pectoral. His right hand continues up into Dani's thick hair. He presses down, into the scalp, and pulls Dani in to meet his lips again.
This time there's something hungry between them. Their mouths move faster, teeth nipping gently at lips, and they're both being vocal with pleasure. His hand massages into Dani's muscle and he gasps when Dani slides his tongue into his mouth. Dani's hands are on his chest now, pinching his nipples between his thumb and forefinger. Nobody's ever done this before, and he's surprised at how strongly his body reacts. When Dani's mouth comes down to lap at the bud he loses any last ounce of composure.
Jamie gasps and lets out a hiss,"Christ." Dani stops and leans back, "Good?" He asks. Jamie nods, face pink, "Very." Dani smiles, and leans back in to kiss him again, this time on the lips. He tugs on Dani's hair at some point and the noise he lets out goes straight to Jamie's prick.
He's hard. It's very obvious that he is with just a thin layer of fabric covering himself. He rolls his hips up for contact and his head drops back with pleasure at the hard friction he finds from the man above him.
Their mouths pop apart. Dani moans. "Fuck," He grits out, "Jamie." The words make Jamie's chest heave.
There's a flip that switches in his head. Jamie loves sex. He likes the way it makes him feel and he likes making his partners feel just as good. And Jamie's great in bed. He's not worried about that.
He was hesitant because it's Dani and he's always been worried about how Dani sees him. How he makes him feel.
He doesn't think that's something he has to worry about in this situation.
Jamie slides his hands up Dani's thighs and shifts one over the front of his joggers. Another moan is pulled from the man above him when Jamie pushes down on his covered member. He's just as hard as Jamie, big, and he wants to remove the layers of clothes between them.
Dani moans again, "Mi tulipán," his hand covers his and presses Jamie into him harder, Jamie feels his cock twitch, "I need you." It's a statement, but it feels like a challenge for Jamie, to prove just how much he'll need him after this, and Jamie thinks that that's a challenge he's willing to take on.
When Jamie pulls at the band of Dani's sweats, he takes his briefs down with them. His cock springs up against his stomach and Jamie's deliberate when his gaze travels up from it to his leaking head to Dani's eyes.
He waits for the man above him to gain a sense of stability and meet his look. Instead of touching him, Jamie peels off his own pants. His prick is flushed and hard and Dani's openly staring at him now. Jamie snatches up one of his hands and slides a finger into his mouth, sucking and licking at the digit. It curls against his tongue when he bobs his head down further, and he feels his eyes roll back when Dani uses his other hand to drag a bead of precum from Jamie's head and down his shaft.
Dani's finger pops out of Jamie's mouth, "I do not mean to be abrupt," Dani says, "But, how would you like to do this?" Dani asks him, out of breath from just watching. Jamie's cheeks heat at the question. The power it holds. How Dani sounds blissed and desperate to get off. And he can't do exactly what he had in mind because of his fucked up ankle, but he thinks there's an alternative opportunity here that he doesn't mind trying.
"I want to suck you off." He says. He feels the hand on his thigh squeeze, "You can do whatever you want to me, but I want my mouth on you-" "Jesuscristo." Dani cuts him off with a firm kiss and a hand pushing his body flat into the sheets.
Jamie takes the opportunity to flip them, Dani plying easily to his shove and stilling until Jamie gets comfortable on top of his thighs. A gentleness that remains solid even though they both want to tear each other apart. Hyper Aware of his injured body. Jamie takes off his shirt leaving just flesh against flesh.
"You're dead fucking mint, Rojas," he looks at how wide Dani is and thinks about putting him on his tongue, "Fuck."
Dani uncharacteristically whines. Jamie's eyebrow shoots up, "You like that? Being told how good you are?" Dani had always seemed so confident he didn't really think about that, and if anything Dani had been taking the more dominant role here. But when Dani nods with his eyes pinched shut it all makes sense to him. Maybe two truths can co-exist at once: dominance and a want for praise, "Need to hear you say it." He wants to be sure. Maybe it's cruel, but he has to hear it.
"Please." Dani chokes out.
Jamie doesn't miss a beat, "You look so fucking perfect right now, laid out for me." Dani's hips raise a bit at the comment, "I want to fuck you, yeah? Just like this. Want to be buried inside you. Want you inside me too. I want to feel you open me up." Dani's hips snap up again. "You're so big, and so wet for me." Jamie doesn't really know how dirty talk should play out between two blokes, but he thinks he's doing pretty well if Dani's reactions are any indication.
"So fit." Jamie cups his balls how he knows he likes done to himself, Dani's eyes flash open and his breath hitches, "Want you to be good and come just for me, love." He requests. He can feel Dani tightening in his hand and it sends a jolt of arousal to his own stiff cock.
When he drops his head down to lick the slit of Dani's head, he's surprised at how quickly he's catching on to things. His cheeks hollow out and inching his way down Dani's dick is a lot easier to do when he's this turned on. Like his body wants it so badly that he can't even think about gagging. He bobs up and down a few times, hearing strings of curses fall from his partner's lips.
He has to take a second to breathe. "Good?" He asks. His voice sounds scratchy and hoarse.
Dani nods, "Very good." He's smiling and it makes Jamie almost feel bashful.
He's back to work again, head bobbing up and down, in the back of his mind he’s trying to keep his leg straight. It's only a minute or two longer before Dani's warningly tapping his shoulder.
"Jamie," he says, "I'm going to-" Jamie takes the entire length into his throat. It's almost instantly that Dani's releasing into his mouth.
"Fuck, I'm sorry." He says, but Jamie just hums around him. His throat starts to feel sore, so he comes off of Dani and wipes his lips with his thumb. "Don't say you're sorry." Jamie says.
The kiss they share is gentle and sweet. And Jamie realizes, belatedly, that Dani can probably taste himself on his tongue. They separate for air.
“What do you want?” Dani asks.
Jamie shrugs, “Whatever you think I’ll like.”
Dani smiles, “Okay.”
He shifts him gently to his back. Jamie hisses at how tender he is. His skin feels like it’s ten times more sensitive than usual. Dani reaches to his bedside table for something and then shifts his weight back over Jamie.
Jamie hears a cap open and recognizes the sound, “Fuck.” he mumbles. Dani just grins at his reaction, and presses a smiling kiss into his cheek. “Is this alright?” he whispers. Jamie nods, “Yeah-- yes.”
Dani kisses his cheek again, “Okay,” he lifts up Jamie’s uninjured leg, “Let me know if you want me to stop.” Jamie’s pretty sure that’s the opposite of what he wants, but he nods his head anyway.
When the man above him starts to move, Jamie realizes just how long he has wanted this. Dani's finger is lubed up and gently circles his rim, it slides in slowly and Jamie thinks he is never going to be able to remember what sex felt like before this. The finger sits for just a second before sliding out then roughly back in. Jamie makes a noise from deep in his chest.
Dani's mouth attaches to his nipple and plays with it with his tongue. Another finger slides past Jamie's entrance. The pair bottom out and hook in a way that sends Jamie whimpering. "Nobody's ever touched you there before." Dani says. He's not asking, he knows. Jamie still nods, fists so tight in the sheets that his knuckles turn white. "Good." He assesses, before sliding them out and then back into his prostate with precision.
Jamie's head snaps back again and he knows he must sound like a mess, but Dani doesn't make him feel weak for it. The man in front of him presses a sweet kiss to his sternum, "Beautiful."
“Dani,” he pleads, “please.”
Dani’s mouth is on him now. His head bobs up and down and Jamie’s struck with a somewhat obvious revelation: Dani has done this before. He’s certain of it, and it makes sense really. Jamie can’t even be insecure about it when it feels like this.
“Jesus,” Jamie hisses, “Fuck, Dani.” his hand grips his hair and the hum Dani lets out sends a shiver down his spine.
“I’m not going to last long.” he warns. The fingers inside him curl and he thrusts into Dani’s mouth involuntarily. One more twist of fingers and Jamie’s cumming in Dani’s mouth. His back constricts and his stomach tenses, and when he finally comes back down to earth, Dani has his forehead pressed to his chest. Just listening.
After a moment, he backs up and looks at Jamie. His hair is messy and his lips look swollen, and Jamie feels his heart warm at how happy he looks. Dani burrows his head into his bare shoulder and presses a kiss there. He leans on his side to look at Jamie. Jamie can’t do anything but watch.
Dani’s hand slides over Jamie’s hair and rests on the pillow by his head, “I love you.” Dani confesses. Jamie feels his throat constict and his body stiffens. Dani smiles a small wistful thing, “I do not care if you do not feel the same way, but I need you to know that I-” “I love you too.” Jamie cuts him off. His heartbeat thunders in this chest at the realization. So stupidly obvious now that he’s said it out loud.
So, this, he realizes, this is love.
***
A loud chime of a cell phone wakes Jamie up from his sleep. His chest is cold - bare - and he pulls the duvet up to his chin. He’s still half awake when he realizes Dani is scrambling for his phone and sitting up in bed. He turns on the standing lamp, and Jamie winces at the light. He doesn’t even have a moment to wonder what time it is before Dani’s speaking into his phone, “Hola, Emilio-” Dani rubs his eyes, “¿Está el bebé aquí?” he asks excidedly. Jamie thinks he can sort of understand what’s happening. He sits up.
“Sí, es una niña sana.” the voice comes, “¿Estás con alguien? - Are you with someone?” Emilio asks.
Dani nods. He holds up the Whatsapp video call for Jamie to see. He’s struck with the intimate mundanity of the moment. He and Dani are naked in bed discheveled covered in a comforter and small in the corner of his cell phone screen, looking at a slightly older man in a sterile white room. The man - Emilio - blinks, pulls his phone closer, “¿Estás saliendo con Jamie Tartt?” he asks.
Jamie’s smart enough to know he’s being talked about, “Eh- Hello.”
Dani smiles, “Muéstrame a mi sobrina.” Jamie recognizes the tone as bashful. He looks from the screen to Dani’s face. He’s smiling so big that his dimples are valleys. Dani notices his stare and looks to him. He taps their foreheads together before turning back to his phone. Something empty inside him overflows, and Jamie has to blink back his emotions.
On screen, the video shows a young woman holding a bundled up ball of a baby. She’s adorable.
The call goes on for a few minutes. Jamie gets bits and pieces of the conversation through the parts Dani explains to him. But he doesn’t need the words to understand what he’s feeling. He never has. Not with Dani.
It’s strange, Jamie ponders, how something so life shattering can embrace you in the most silent of ways. Putting you together in a more perfect manner than you’ve ever been before.
***
”Yeah. It’s like I got that, but… it’s like I got it in-- It’s like I got it in my soul.”
”You’re not lost, my sexy little baby. You’re just not sure which direction you’re going in yet.”