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It’s been a year since House had hired all three of them, the golden trio, the perfect team… the clueless morons who failed to notice he’s married.
It started off as a joke between him and his husband, Wilson claimed they didn't know because House took his wedding ring off and wore it on a neckless instead. He says it’s for sanitary reasons but his husband knows he’s just afraid of losing it again, like he did years before when breaking into a patient’s home.
However, as the diagnostician pointed out, there should be more than enough clues without it for his team to catch on. Yet they didn't. So, of course, a bet was made.
“A year, or longer” House says, watching his team leave his office “Chase has been here for almost three and still hasn't caught on, Cameron for two, and Foreman for one, so I don't think they will figure out any time soon”
“Then why not bet ten years?” Wilson sets the file down, he knows where this is going.
“How will you remember to pay me if it’s not in the foreseeable future?”
“You don't see a future with me in ten years?” His husband rolls his eyes but smiles at him “How about… six months, just in time for our wedding anniversary, someone is bound to point out you and I always disappear at this specific time of the year”
“50 bucks”
“That’s all our relationship is worth to you?" He places a hand over his heart in fake shock and sadness.
“AND you do that thing I like” He makes sure to wink, knowing James would get as red as a tomato.
“Fine, but when I win, you do the thing I like”
“Sounds good, any rules?”
“Uhm… if they ask you a direct question you can't lie”
“Alright, but in that case, you can't be more affectionate to get them to figure out faster, you have to treat me like you always do”
“Deal” They shook hands.
Not even ten minutes later Greg was across the hospital opening a door to an office without bothering to knock.
“Cuddy-”
“I already approved yours and Wilson’s time off this year” She doesn't even look up, knowing what her worst employee always asks during this time of the year. She wasn't stupid, she knew Wilson was the only reason she received a request at all, she made sure to thank him.
“Perfect, oh and if my team asks you, you know nothing of my marriage”
“What?” She catches him, just as he is about to leave.
“It will ruin the game” He doesn't have to explain, she has worked with them long enough to know they had a bet going on.
“How long?”
“I said two years, Wilson said six months”
“I want in, I’ll say… two months, you two can't keep your hands off each other during Christmas”
“There is just something about knowing a hairy man will visit me at night that gets me going” She makes a sound of disgust at his comment but she has a devious smile, believing that she would win “You’ll own me 50 dollars” He yells and she waves him off.
Two months go by, and despite constant flirting and gift-giving, the team doesn't notice. Cuddy reluctantly gives him 50 dollars and tells him she wishes James will win, for the sole reason that she wants him to lose.
Six months go by.
“I won't be here next week or the week after that” House says getting his backpack and walking out the door
“Wait” Cameron stops him, getting the attention of her co-workers, who were ready to go home without question “Where are you going?”
“Brazil” He can answer truthfully with no problem, but soon came the dreaded question.
“Why? Don't get me wrong, I'm glad, but you always take vacations at this time of the year, like exactly this time”
Chase and Foreman seem to think back and come to the same conclusion. ‘Shit’ he thinks, maybe his husband would win. Not that it made too much of a difference, either way, he would still have 50 bucks and mind-blowing sex. It wasn't that though, it was about pride and principles.
“I’m going to celebrate my wedding anniversary” This seems to shock them enough for him to get away from this interrogation. Just in time too, as he knew the next question would be ‘Who are you married to?’.
He came back to work half expecting his team to have figured it out, after all, if Cameron noticed he took time off every year during the same two weeks, surely she noticed his husband did too, right?
"Did you and your wife enjoy Brazil?" She asked handing him a cup of coffee.
Apparently, this was one of the few times he was wrong.
"My... spouse, did enjoy our anniversary, thanks for asking" He wondered if they would notice his wording, but the only reaction was Chase chuckling.
"What? You two seriously believe he is married?" He looks at his boss, and like a good kiss ass he takes it back "Not that I don't think anyone would marry you, I just-"
"Yeah yeah, you think I'm unlovable. Now, who's sick and why?" He takes the file in front of them and the uncomfortable air makes their team focus on the case.
He's doing his daily visitation to Wilson's office when his husband has an amazing idea.
"Wanna you know..." James sits on the table, playing with the fist button on Greg's shirt.
"Absolutely" His hands find their way to his husband's thighs faster than humanly possible, but then again he had an inkling Wilson might try something like this, in fact, the only reason they still had their clothes on is because he knows what James will say next.
"Actually, why don't we do it somewhere we are not supposed to?"
"We are gay, pretty sure that's the only place we can do it?" His hot breath is hitting Wilson's neck, but his lips are not touching him just yet.
"You know what I mean"
They find a utility closet, and maybe Wilson forgets to lock the door, and maybe he knows House's team will grab something from this closet for the procedure they will do in 10 minutes. But, as he reminds himself, he is not breaking the rules as not only they have done this a number of times, but they also had a separate bet going between them to see in how many different places in the hospital they could fuck before anyone finds out.
Since James had already lost that bet, people really should check the pharmacy and their own offices more often, he didn't mind getting caught. It's also why he purposely delayed what they were doing. It's one thing to get caught shirtless kissing, another to make someone catch you naked with their boss's dick inside of you.
Sure enough, Foreman comes in after 10 minutes. He is mumbling about House being a jerk and not trusting nurses so he, a doctor, has to pick up materials. He opens the door to find his boss and his 'best friend' with their hair all messed up. Their lips are red and their eyes widen. Greg has a hand under Jame's shirt.
"Whaaat are you two doing?" He reaches for something close to the door while keeping his eyes on them.
"Making out" House smiles "Actually we were trying to have sex, but I guess we're not anymore"
"Ooookay" He laughs, picking up what he needed and leaving.
"Guess he found out... and since it's closer to what I betted, I win. Pay up" Wilson tried not to smile as wide as he wanted, to pretend this was all a coincidence. However, to his surprise, his husband seemed unfazed.
"Not yet, maybe he didn't believe in me" He didn't even bother to adjust his clothes or hair before heading to his office.
The next day the bet continued, as Foreman had yet to mention anything. In fact, he seemed to have completely forgotten the incident even happened.
"No way he doesn't know"
"He doesn't, none of them know" He let his cane fall from hand to hand.
"You're lying"
"I can't lie, remember?"
The subject is brought up again a couple of months later when Wilson is working on a case with them.
"Sorry, it's not boring I just didn't sleep well last night... thanks to my husband" He suppresses another yawn while staring daggers at House, who kept him awake by bouncing off ideas for this case.
"You are married to a man?" Cameron is the first one to break the silence.
"Yeah, if you are gay why aren't you wearing rainbow clothes?" House says in the same tone as her, his usual devilish grin on his face.
"That is NOT what I was implying, I just didn't know" She defends herself "So you think it could be cancer?"
"Don't try to brush this off, let's talk about what we all want to know: who here thinks he's a bottom?" He raises his hand. Chase just chuckles and Foreman rolls his eyes.
Their marriage doesn't come up again until after another anniversary had passed. House whistle walking in, he had a great time AND was bound to win his bet with Wilson, whom he very annoyingly remanded on the elevator ride.
"Good morning beautiful people, what a lovely day" He dumps a case Cuddy handed him on the table "Well not for this one, she's dying"
"You and your wife had a good time on your trip?" Cameron picks up the file, reminding the others their boss was married.
"It was truly an amazing trip, but I'm happy I won a bet with the most handsome oncologist in this hospital"
"Careful or you might make your wife jealous" Foreman sat down, peeking over his coworker's shoulders to see what patient they were taking in.
"I assure you my spouse doesn't mind"
"Why would she? You're not gay" Chase chuckles to himself.
"Are you asking me?" He knew if they asked he would have to answer, but he couldn't help toying with them.
"What? No" Chase sits up, as if trying to convey seriousness "Why is she dying?"
"Good, I didn't want to answer that" He stands up again, moving to the smaller area of his office to retrieve an older similar case for his team to study.
"Do you guys think House is married to a man?" Cameron observes him.
"Yeah right" Foreman shakes his head before looking at her "Are you serious?"
"No way he's gay" Chase repeats himself.
"No offence but I'm not trusting your gaydar"
"Okay, why do you think he's married to a guy?" His Australian accent only made him sound more sarcastic.
"Well, he keeps saying spouse instead of wife, he's always with Wilson..."
"Wait wait, now you are telling us he's married to Wilson?" Foreman can't contain his laughter.
"NO" She sighs "I'm just saying, they are really good friends and Wilson is married to a man, maybe they met in a gay club, or something like that"
"Even IF he likes guys, I don't think House would go to a gay club" Chase grabs the file from Foreman, and before the discussion can continue their boss returns.
It's late at night when this case is done, the trio joins Greg in his office to update him on the treatment. As they are about to leave him alone with James, who was there when they arrived, Allison turns around and asks the question that has been bugging her for days.
"House... are you married to a man?" The room froze at that moment, her boss and his 'friend' exchange a look.
"Yes" Now his other two employees are paying attention.
"Who are you married to?" Chase chimes in.
"An oncologist" He reminded himself that this wasn't a lie.
"Does he work in this hospital?" Foreman can't believe what he was hearing, this has to be a joke.
"Yes" House plays with his ring, proudly showing it to them, even if they didn't waste a second to go out and interrogate every male oncologist this hospital had.
"No way" His husband walked around, incredulous.
"I told you they were stupid" He followed James with his eyes.
"There is just no way, I am right here"
"Wanna make out? Maybe they will catch us this time, that was your plan right?" He leans in his chair, raising an eyebrow, teasing him.
"You knew? Why didn't you say anything?" He sat back down on the other side of the desk.
"I like making out with you" He shrugged.
It had been a couple of days since the team went on their quest, they not-so-patiently waited to make sure they didn't miss anyone simply because they didn't work that day. But they were coming up empty.
"You lied" Cameron says, not explaining the context, thankfully it wasn't needed.
"I didn't, in fact, I can't"
"We asked every oncologist… are you even married?" Foreman crossed his arms around himself, he would be so pissed if this was another one of Greg's pranks...
"Yes and are you sure? EVERY single one of them?"
"Well the only one we didn't ask was Wilson but…" Chase says "Wait, ohhh that makes so much sense"
House pages James and patiently waits, not saying a word, he needed to be there for this.
"Is the patient alright?" By now he should have known his husband's 'emergency' pages were never sent because of an actual emergency.
"Oh yeah she's fine, this is much more important than that" He gestures to his team.
"Are you and House married?" Cameron asks bluntly and with a stare that could kill 'Why did he have to do this? Why didn't he just tell us?' she thinks to herself.
"Yes" Wilson walked up to Greg and kissed him, maybe to prove it wasn't a joke or just for the sake of kissing the man he loves.
"Fork it over, I win" His lips have barely left Wilson's when he says this, making his husband sigh but pull out his wallet anyway.
"You made a bet to see if we would figure it out?" Cameron was annoyed, her coworkers didn't seem to mind as they laughed at how oblivious they had been.
"I can't believe it took you so long" James murmured under his breath.
"Wanna go to lunch? My treat" House smiles showing the money his husband just handed to him.