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Clint always found it a little funny how people managed to entirely ignore their pack natures. Calling themselves civilized like a few centuries of enlightenment could undo what had been formed by millennia of evolution. Like the mind could truly and completely rule over instinct. Maybe it was because he had grown up in small towns and later the circus where the pack structures were much more obvious, or maybe it was because his SHIELD training had taught him to pay attention to people and their behavior, which was so often subtly based in pack structures, but he could see them everywhere.
True, especially in city environments with lots of nuclear families pack dynamics were a lot more fluid, but they were still there. Within companies and families, sports teams, classrooms, congregations, everywhere there was a group of people they just fell into place. Alphas in the lead, Betas following them around, the occasional lone wolves trailing behind. And no matter how much modern people pretended to have control over their carnal instincts, it always became most obvious around the full moons, when their wolfish sides came out.
It wasn't even like it was a bad thing. Most of the time it helped avoid unnecessary conflict and made things run more smoothly, as long as the pack dynamics were observed. Clint himself was a born Beta. His dad had been an Alpha and it had always been clear that his brother would take that spot. And he was happy with that. He didn't have any aspirations for leadership, he just didn't need that kind of responsibility. He just wanted a place where he could do his job, help out where he could, and otherwise be left in peace.
He wasn't entirely sure what Natasha would have been before the Red Room screwed with her so much as make her utterly unreadable, but she easily slotted into the role of an independent Beta. A scout. Someone who could work on her own, who could be trusted to do what was right without constant supervision.
Bucky was also a natural Beta. He had been following Steve around for almost as long as they had both been alive after all. HYDRA had mistaken his loyalty for obedience when they chose him to turn into the Winter Soldier, but he wasn't a dumb goon. He was the right-hand man. The second in command. The one who would take over and pick up the pieces if - god forbid - anything ever happened to their Alpha pair.
Sam surprisingly was the nurturing one. The sensible one - although with the Avengers that was a very relative term. The den mother. He would make a great Alpha mate, although Clint didn't see that happening anytime soon.
Bruce was often thought to be an Alpha or a loner, but the Hulk was very obviously a Beta. He was the muscle. The guard. The protector of the pack. Clint thought this was also true of Bruce and that he only put on the Alpha vibes as a sort of "fuck off" signal to everyone else. He'd done that often enough himself in the past.
Thor actually was an Alpha. But the whole Prince of Asgard deal meant that he already had a spot secured as head of a pack and didn't have the need to fight anyone for leadership of the Avengers. Also since his dad was still alive he technically wasn't even a full Alpha yet, which was a bit weird considering he was a lot older than everyone else. But he also was technically an alien so that all worked out somehow.
Which left Tony and Steve.
According to sociologists, there were two types of Alphas: Those that were born to it and those that came into it later, rising to the occasion and filling a gap in leadership.
Tony to them would have been a perfect example of a born Alpha, although he had also been groomed his whole life to one day take over the company and then had to do just that at a relatively young age when his parents died. Clint wasn't so sure that he would be an Alpha now if that hadn't been the case.
Captain America was often cited as a rising Alpha, a scrappy little Beta before the serum, but stepping into the leadership role because it was necessary. But Clint doubted he didn't already have those Alpha tendencies before, especially hearing Bucky tell it.
But however it came to be, they had been full Alphas when the Avengers were created. And the Avengers became a true pack the moment they set foot on the streets of New York with the Chitauri threat looming above. According to all the sociologists, this shouldn't work out. Two full Alphas leading the same pack should be clashing constantly and there definitely were moments where it showed. But the thing everyone seemed to forget was that traditionally a pack was always led by an Alpha pair.
It was obvious to Clint that that was what was happening here. The only problem was, that it didn't seem to be obvious to anyone else, least of all the two Alphas involved. And sure it had been cute enough to see the two dance around each other while not realizing what they were doing, but it had reached the point where he had enough.
"Awwwww, Coffee, nooooooo...." Clint groaned, staring forlornly at the coffee maker. It wasn't just that there was nothing left, and that the water was empty (that could be fixed), and they were out of grounds (he had his own secret emergency stash) and that the compost was overflowing (he could on occasion be moved to empty that if it was necessary), but now the pot was just straight up missing. "Seriously can't they just get done with the mating and start fucking already?" he mumbled, flopping into a chair.
Bucky slid his still half-full mug across the table and Clint caught it in both hands. "My hero!" he said batting his eyelashes at him theatrically, then inhaled the lukewarm scent. "Wait why do you get coffee...? Never mind, of course, you get coffee. You're Steve's favorite Beta, you need to keep everyone in line while he's busy wooing, so you need to be caffeinated."
Sam looked between the two of them. "Why are you giving him the last of the coffee?"
Bucky shrugged. "Because his nonsense gets eloquent when he's caffeinated. It's entertaining."
"It's not nonsense," Clint protested and hugged the mug closer to himself. "Steve and Tony have been mating for years. Like ever since New York. It's kind of cute in the helpless little puppies way, but now it's going too far."
"They actually started it on the helicarrier," Natasha chimed in from the other end of the table. "But you weren't there for that."
"Awwwww, drama, no," Clint muttered and took a sip.
Sam still looked confused. "What do you mean they're mating?"
Clint stared at him. "Seriously what do they teach you kids in school these days?" he asked and continued before Sam could protest. "It's basic wolf biology. It's how people show attraction when they're too stubborn or hung ob or oblivious to talk about it. They just let the wolf side do it. Like how Steve keeps bringing Tony food and water and coffee or drags him up for team dinners. Or how he always ends up wearing Tony's sweaters..."
"Those are Steve's sweaters," Bucky put in.
Clint waggled his hand. "Yes and no. There's the sweaters that Tony bought Steve, the sweaters that Tony stole from Steve because they're now Steve scent-marked and the sweaters Tony bought for Steve and then kept so Steve could steal them because they're now Tony scent-marked. Although by now it's just a big heap of mutual sweaters with both their scents on them." Clint sighed. "The point is their wolves figured out they want to be mates a long time ago, but they're being stubbornly oblivious to the point it's starting to hurt. Bruce back me up with the science."
Everyone collectively turned to Bruce, except Natasha who kept pretending to read her book. "Well," Bruce said, "sociologists have believed for a while that wolf mating habits still play a large role in how we court our partners. Showing you are able to provide is a big deal for our wolves. Food is a common element here, it's theorized that's why going out for dinner is such a common date activity. Gifting or sharing items of clothing is another big point. It signifies shelter and warmth and also our wolves largely still identify each other by scent which lingers in clothing. A lot of gestures that are commonly seen as chivalrous can also be traced back to wolf habits: Taking someone's coat, again the significance of clothing; holding open doors, as a symbolic way of providing a safe path; pulling out a chair, quite literally providing a place to rest. That's the theory anyway," he explained. "This often gets more intense when one of the parties is an Alpha because their wolf side is stronger. The idea here is that the one in the role of what is traditionally seen as the 'Alpha male'," he made air quotes with his fingers, "meaning the one already established in a pack or of higher position within the same pack will court their intended mate."
"So," Sam asked cautiously, "if Steve and Tony are wolf-dating, who of them is the 'Alpha male'?"
Clint chuckled darkly. "That's kind of the problem. They both are. Which means they're courting each other without realizing what they're doing, and around the full moon it always gets kind of intense." He gestured with his coffee mug that had been Bucky's towards the coffee machine that was still missing the pot. Then he raised his mug to drink, only to realize there was nothing in it anymore. He sat it down with a long-suffering sigh and stared forlornly at the coffee machine. Then he finally pushed himself up. "You know what, I'm gonna fix this now."
"You know you'll forfeit your bet if you do that," Natasha called after him as he stalked to the elevator.
"I don't care," he replied. "Keep your money. I just want my coffee back."
When Clint reached Tony's workshop, the man himself was standing in the middle of the room, surrounded by holograms, waxing poetic about a new carbon polymer he wanted to test for the Captain America uniform while Steve sat on the sofa with his notebook and pencils in his lap, staring adoringly. It made Clint want to facepalm so hard, because how had they not figured it out yet? Instead, he just strode into the room.
"Hi," he said without preamble. "Sorry to interrupt, I'm not gonna take long. Steve, Tony really likes you, has for a while. I'm pretty sure all the pillows and blankets in the tower are technically yours by now. And the sweaters, too." Steve had taken on a faint shade of pink at that point, while Tony was just gaping open-mouthed. But Clint decided to just plow on. "Tony, Steve really likes you, has for a while. He's been feeding you for years and he's taking you out to dinner at least once a month, I don't know how you can misinterpret that for so long. Also, Steve stop messing with the grocery list. JARVIS is really good at keeping track of that and really no one needs that much blueberry-flavored stuff. And stop hogging the coffee pot, that's just mean. I'm taking that by the way," he added as he spotted the empty pot on a nearby workbench and quickly grabbed it.
"Now please just have at each other, because I know you've been wanting to for years, and at this point it's really just getting embarrassing," he said and turned around to leave the workshop. "And stop scent-marking the sofa in the common room, both of you. I would like just one moon cycle without drowning in your mutual pining lust pheromones. Thanks."
Clint stalked up the stairs for effect, not looking back. He paused two flights up to catch the elevator and then once he was on the easy way up he asked: "So, JARVIS, how's it going?"
"The privacy mode has been engaged in the workshop," JARVIS replied and did the AI actually sound suggestive or did he just imagine that?
"Well, thank fuck," Clint answered and let his head fall back against the elevator wall. Now: Coffee.