Work Text:
I always seem to find myself all alone, the room silent and cold, empty and hot. I curl up on myself, tank top and shorts to rid myself of heat, a blanket to protect me from the frigid air. The silence is deafening, music playing so loudly my ears hurt. My hands shake as they grip the blanket closer, exhaustion and hunger gripping me, yanking me in circles as they try to pull me in different directions. I'm weak from it all, but can't sleep, can't eat more than a few bites at a time.
Distantly I can make out the sounds of birds outside, smell the fresh air from the open window. Distantly I can see the bright sunshine, it's glowing rays making the grass beam with bright greens, the dandelions that dot it all like clumps of stars. When I pry open my eyes, there is no sunshine, only storm clouds. I smell the rain and hear the lightning crack through the sky.
I work to pry my hands from the blankets, feeling them pop with the movement after so long in such a tense position, almost like a thin stone shell being cracked. I managed to let go of the blanket, its blue flowered fabric crumpled from the grip I had kept it in to save myself from falling. I sit up, my hips stabbing me as if to remind me that I still have a body, my back aching as it has to support its own weight again.
I try to move my arms, the lead in my bones almost completely keeps me from moving them at all. Almost. I managed to lift them, as long as it takes, removing the blanket from my body. I force myself to the edge of the bed, my feet already feeling cold at the thought of trying to stand. I press myself forward, and it hurts. My feet feel like they stand on shards of piercing glass, my knees threaten to buckle, my head swirls with imbalance and blackness floods my vision.
I open my eyes to my alarm, its screeching tones remind me I have to work, that any time I had had to myself is gone now. I sit up from my bed and take the blanket off myself, my movements mechanical, beginning to ready myself for another day that will slip through my hands like water no matter how hard I try to hold onto it all.
My mind grows fuzzy and full of cotton as I go through it all, a smile I don't remember making assuring others who's faces I do not recognize that I'm happy to be here despite not remembering how I even got here. Sometimes I don't remember what I was doing here in the first place, forgetting that I am on the job, other times I forget that I've already done my checklist, simply waiting for the clock to tick down as I simply float through it all.
I get home to the empty room again, my mind beginning to fray again, tears in my eyes for a reason I don't remember. But I can't cry, the tears never fall, for reasons I can't remember. I'm exhausted, but sleep will not come to me, why I know I don't remember. I wish I knew.