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The university is buzzing with life. Porchay looks around a smile lingering on his lips. He's still unsure about his decision, but when he received the invitation for another interview, he decided he wasn't going to let his feelings get in the way again. He wasn't sure if they always did more than one round of interviews but apparently, they hadn't achieved their entry quota in the first round. He's just thankful they asked him to come in again.
The crowd around him grows bigger and Porchay focuses forward. There's a big crowd of uni students set in front of a stage, very much like the first time he visited the university. Curious Porchay walks closer, only to freeze on the spot. He'd recognise the man on the stage anywhere.
Wik.
Kim.
Right. He often lets the university handle interviews for his new songs.
"Can you tell us a little about the story behind the song?" The host, another student, asks the singer. Kim smiles and nods. His PR smile. Porchay only noticed the difference after getting to know him. The differences are subtle but they're there. The real thing is a bit warmer, a bit wider and it makes you feel a bit more loved.
And then he also realised that for most of their tutoring sessions, Porchay was at the receiving end of the PR smile.
"Well, it's a love song, as you know. It's about a man who's blind to the one who truly loves him. He goes around living his life searching for something that's right there without seeing it. When he finally realises his feelings it's too late. It's a bittersweet song about asking for a second chance, I guess", Kim explains. Porchay can feel a lump in his throat.
"Ah, I'm sure there are a lot of people who'll relate to this message", the host compliments and continues: "Where did you get the inspiration for the song? Is it perhaps something you yourself want to say?"
The crowd reacts with cheers and laughter. Kim laughs. A shiver runs up Porchay's spine. It's a forced, fake laugh, but it's enough to make his heart ache. He misses Kim's laugh. Sure, all he has to do is write the singer's name into Google to hear it, but that's not something Porchay is allowing himself to do. He's been good for almost two months, staying away from everything Kim related. Or, well, everything he can. His brother being the head of the minor family makes complete avoidance impossible... But he deleted his fan accounts. He changed the background of his laptop. He took down the shrine he'd set up for the man. He deleted his songs from his playlist. Now only if he could delete the memories...
"Give it up for Wik one last time!" The host ends the interview and the crowd gives a loud cheer. Porchay turns away, hurrying out of the crowd. He doesn't want to stay around any longer.
Despite his best efforts of hurrying, Porchay gets stuck in a conversation with a few of his interview friends. By the time they say their goodbyes, the crowd around the stage has long since dispersed.
"Porchay!" A familiar voice calls. Porchay's feet stop before he can remind them to keep walking. Crap. He was noticed. Porchay lets out a sigh and turns slowly. Kim is walking towards him, a complicated expression on his face.
"P", Porchay greets politely. He avoids the man's face, turning his eyes to look at the ground. Kim's wearing leather boots. He must be feeling hot.
"You're here for the interview?" Kim starts the conversation. Porchay nods. Silence.
"Did it go well?" Kim tries again. Porchay sighs and lifts his head. He meets Kim's eyes and the lump is back there in his throat.
"What? What do you want?" Porchay demands. His voice is laced with exhaustion and hurt. Kim takes a step back, his expression changing. Almost sorry. Kim opens his mouth but like always when the words aren't in song form, he struggles with getting them out. Silence falls between them. Porchay turns his eyes away and closes them. A few more seconds of silence. He turns on his heel without looking at the singer again. Kim takes a step forward, his hand reaching after Porchay but the boy is already five steps away. Slowly he lets his hand fall. He turns his head away not wanting to see the boy's distancing back.
-
Kim's here again. Porchay's usually good at avoiding him, slipping into one of the many Theerapanyakun mansion's hallways. Today? Kim had sneaked up on Porchay, driving him into a corner.
Porchay had spent hours upon hours memorising the way Wik's voice sounded through the screen and then he'd spent hours upon hours memorising the way Kim's voice sounded across the room, next to him, in front of him, next to his ear...
He memorised it so well he can't forget it. And every time he closes his eyes and lies in silence, he can recall the man's voice and his face with ridiculous easiness. And here he is now, in this tiny fucking closet Porchay had tried to slip into unnoticed and his voice and his face is right there.
"Let me out", Porchay demads and tries to slip past the man. But, well, the closet is tiny, and the only way they're getting out is if Kim backs out. Figuratively and literally.
"We need to talk", Kim says. Porchay shakes his head, refusing to look at him. He can feel the blood rushing in his ears. Kim's scent is invading his nose. Cologne and cigarettes. He doesn't want to be here stuck in this closet with the person he's stupidly loved for far too long.
"I have nothing to say", Porchay says.
"Fine, then just listen", Kim says and well, Porchay doesn't really have much choice, now does he? He stays still and quiet.
"I'm sorry", Kim starts. A strong start, admittedly.
"I admit that I approached you knowing who you were but it was only because I didn't know your brother's intentions. I didn't mean to deceive. It might've started off as wanting to get close to you to find out more about him, sure, but..." Once again, Kim seems to run out words. Porchay raises his head. If his face is red, it's because of anger and no other reason.
"But what?" He eggs on.
"I.."
...
"Yeah."
This time as Porchay tries to push his way out, Kim lets him.
-
"Porchay!"
Once again, despite knowing better, Porchay stops. He turns to see Kim.
"What?"
No greeting, no nothing. Porchay is exhausted. He doesn't want to see the man anymore. He doesn't want anymore empty words and sentences he never finishes and stupid songs he releases expecting them to be a valid replacement for a conversation.
"I just wanted to... well.."
Porchay wants to punch him. Luckily his brother is the violent one out of the two and instead, he gives Kim a furious look and turns away.
Panic. Kim reaches forward faster this last time. His fingers curl around a skinny wrist stopping the escape.
"I'm sorry."
Porchay stops. He doesn't turn around.
"I'm sorry", Kim repeats. A few more seconds roll by before Porchay turns his eyes back to the man. Kim lets go and the boy doesn't run.
"I love you", the words escape Kim's lips.
Porchay takes a step back, eyes wide, mouth open.
Kim hadn't meant to say it, not really, but he knows it to be true. Of course he does. Tears escape down Porchay's cheeks with no regard for his pride. He stands there in shock, his brain short-circuiting. He doesn't believe him. He doesn't believe he heard correctly.
Kim's eyes soften.
"I love you", he says again, confirming. Now that the words are out it seems easy to say them again.
A shock of electricity slips down his spine, waking him from his shock. Porchay takes a hurried step forward and pushes Kim. It's not strong enough to hurt but it makes Kim stagger a bit, forcing him to take a few steps back to steady himself.
"Screw you!" Porchay screams and sniffs, tears still streaming down. Unruffled, Kim smiles.
"I'm sorry it took me this long to answer you", he says quietly. Porchay takes another step and despite knowing it's coming, Kim doesn't stop him. Two fists hit his chest again as the boy pushes.
"Screw you!" he yells again. This time as Porchay pulls back, Kim follows. He pulls the boy into a hug, muffling his protests. Porchay's cries grow louder.
"I'm sorry", Kim apologises. Finally after a little while of fighting against the firm hold, Porchay's arms wrap around Kim's waist. Kim smiles. A wide, genuine smile, not the PR one.
Porchay cries in Kim's hug for a good few minutes before he pulls abruptly back.
"Fuck you", he curses. Not with the same fervour his brother does, not with the same anger and spite. And that's why Kim laughs. His wonderful, marvellous laugh.
"Don't laugh at me!" Porchay complains wiping his tears angrily. He's still angry. But... Well. Kim loves him.
"Okay, I won't, I'm sorry", Kim apologises and stops laughing, though he can't hide his smile.
"I hate you", Porchay complains. Kim pulls him into his arms again.
"No you don't."
Porchay wants to argue but they both know he's right. Porchay pulls back a little to wipe his face again. His cheeks are itchy and his eyes are swollen. Kim's fault.
"You really are the worst, was it so hard for you to just-"
Soft hands on his cheeks, warm lips on his lips. Porchay's eyes remain open in shock as Kim pulls away. Any complaints, or thoughts for that matter, have disappeared. Kim smiles and slowly moves in closer again. This time, Porchay closes his eyes. Kim's lips are soft and pleasant and as their mouths move in sync, Porchay's hands find a comfortable spot on Kim's waist.
Maybe he'll forgive the man afterall. Maybe.