Chapter Text
“O king of joy, what is thy thought?
I dream thou knowest it is nought,
And wouldst in darkness come, but thou
Makest the light where’er thou go.”
- Eros, Robert Bridges
It didn’t start out innocently. It couldn’t have done. It began with doubt, that stone in the road that tripping over so dominates the human experience. Or rather, one man’s doubt, one’s naivete, and one’s interest that turned to obsession. We all begin as pure things, before the world starts to stain and mark us, to give us the things we want, only for us to realize we have no idea what we truly desire, and less what we actually deserve.
“The world’s happiest couple,” fans began to call them, many did so even before the relationship was publicly confirmed, and they were. Zee and Nunew were a perfect match, they never so much as disagreed without immediately laughing and giving in to each other. Those who had known Zee pre-Nunew were shocked by how much softer, gentler, more caring, and happier the younger’s presence had made him. All their friends happily told every camera they ever faced about how even more cuddly and loving the pair was in private. Fans, friends, their families – everyone in the couple’s life were ecstatic for them.
It was perfect, there was nothing lacking. Every now and then, some voice from some corner of the internet would murmur something about ‘what a big age gap, though,’ and ‘what a difference in experience,’ and ‘so young to be settling down,’ that one specifically referring to Nunew. Nunew, who despite his usual behavior was quite mature, shrugged off all of this vague negativity, proclaimed he was happy, and made no attempt to hide how possessive he was of his older lover, much to the fans’ amusement and glee.
Zee, for his part, was no less certain of the relationship and its permanence. Having always before been unwilling to say anything would last forever, with Nunew, he found himself occasionally breaking that rule, because he had never been as sure of anything as he was of this love. Nunew was his, forever; Zee would accept nothing less from fate. There was no trouble in this paradise, except for one little thing that troubled him, not constantly, but often enough.
Being nine years older, Zee had been an adult when they met, with experience of all sorts under his belt, including that of intimacy with both genders. Nunew had been 19, seemingly uninterested in anyone until he’d laid eyes on Zee, and came into their pairing with zero sexual or relationship knowledge.
Neither of them had a problem with this, aside from Nunew’s slight embarrassment about it, because they were perfectly matched here, too. It suited Zee’s protective, caretaker nature to have a younger partner, someone he could not only love, but also guide and guard.
“Are you happy?” Zee would sometimes ask his boyfriend, solemnly and soberly, and feel relieved when Nunew would cling to him in reply, murmuring yes, yes, more than I ever thought I could be.
“You’re okay having experienced no one but me,” the elder would follow with, “and only me, ever, from now on?” Nunew would snuggle closer, hug more possessively, and ask why would he want anyone else, when Zee was all he’d ever longed for, Zee the only one he looked at and thought about.
And true, Nunew was as innately monogamous as Zee; even when they interacted with other handsome actors or striking male models, the boy’s eyes never so much as flickered in the direction of any other body. But still…
“You won’t get bored with just me?”
“Hia, why do you always think that? Even if your doofiness wasn’t endlessly entertaining, I could never be bored with you. I discover new things about you to love all the time. Every day that I get to be with you is exciting.”
Behind his relieved, grateful smile, Zee couldn’t help but think he wasn’t asking the right question, and that’s why, much as he loved hearing these answers, they weren’t the peace of mind he truly sought.
Maybe, he thought to himself, I don’t want to know the answer.
***
“You know I’m always down to help a best friend, Zee, but I don’t think I understand. You want relationship advice from me, a guy who hasn’t dated seriously since college, when you are part of the happiest, most committed couple I’ve ever seen. I can’t even imagine you and New having problems in the rose-tinted, eternal-honeymoon-phase world the two of you occupy.”
“It’s not a problem,” Zee said slowly, piecing together his vague, scattered concerns as he spoke. “We’re as perfectly matched as everyone thinks we are. We’re happy. I never expected to be anything like this happy.”
“Then…?”
“It’s like…I sometimes worry I’m holding him back.”
“What, like, from acting with another partner?” Max scoffed. “He has no interest, and no one’s going to risk your wrath by touching him.”
“Not that, not exactly…”
“If anything, he’s holding you back. You hardly ever talk about moving to behind the camera anymore, and I know that’s because it upsets him.”
“Not that either, and I’ll keep at least one foot in acting as long as he wants me to. It’s…” Resting one elbow on the table, Zee took a large swallow of beer, a rare indulgence for the actor who avoided its calories. “It’s unfair. I’m older, I’ve gotten to have…experiences that he hasn’t. You know. Other partners.”
Max raised an eyebrow at that. “If you’re suggesting that New might want to have ‘experiences’ with anyone other than you, Zee, then I have to cut you off, because you’re clearly either wasted or an imposter.”
“No, I know he only wants me. But that’s because I’m all he’s ever known. How can I…?”
“Ah, here, now we’re getting to the real issue.”
“…how can I be sure he’s really satisfied with me when he has nothing to compare me to?”
“And there it is. I don’t know, Zee, have you asked him?”
Zee nodded. “He just keeps reassuring me that I’m the only one he wants. But again, how can he know? He doesn’t know what he’s missing.”
Max swirled the ice cubes in his glass as he considered what to say next. Dismissing his friend’s probably-unnecessary concern, repeating the fact that Zee and Nunew were a perfect and happy couple with nothing to worry about – these didn’t seem to be what Zee wanted or needed. Shrugging, Max offhandedly chose what he had left, however ridiculous and unlikely it seemed.
“I would suggest you let someone else touch him, to prove you have nothing to worry about and ease these crazy doubts of yours, but since you can’t even handle other guys sitting next to him…”
He’d half-expected Zee to show anger at the mere thought, knowing even better than most people how possessive his friend was of his younger lover. Surprisingly, Zee just looked thoughtful, which prompted Max to continue.
“And I doubt you would trust anyone to stick to whatever rules you’d set, and not get attached to the brat and develop feelings. So, that wouldn’t work.”
Zee had been staring solemnly into space as he spoke; now his warm, dark eyes locked onto Max’s with the intensity of a laser. Max made the mistake of taking a sip of beer just as his friend spoke.
“I trust you.”
Max choked on the fizzy drink and coughed a mouthful of it back into his glass. Zee’s sober expression didn’t change at all as he sputtered and wiped his mouth, and waited for a “Ha! Got you, just kidding, of course” that didn’t come. Once recovered, Max sat back in his chair, looking wary and wanting to be very careful about what he said next.
“What are you suggesting, Zee?”
“I…I trust you.”
“Yeah, so you said. Trust me to do what, exactly?”
“Do I have to spell it out?”
Max looked incredulous. “Uh, yes, you do. Because if I’m reading you correctly, then I have to assume you’ve taken leave of your senses in less than one beer.”
“I’m not drunk.”
He wasn’t, Max knew. Aside from being familiar with Zee’s tolerance and behavior when intoxicated, anyone looking at him could see he was completely sober. But still, not talking like his usual possessive self.
“Spell it out, Zee. Because if I’m inferring incorrectly, I don’t want to make an assumption that sets off your protective-boyfriend alarm and get my ass kicked.”
A few moments of silence. Zee looked reluctant to put whatever he was thinking into words, though beneath that there seemed to be a stubborn willingness to actually do what he was beginning to plan. He took a long, slow swallow of his drink to give himself more time, as Max waited, still half-expecting a sudden grin and confirmation that this was all a prank.
“I know you care about Nhu, even though you guys pretend not to get along sometimes. But you’re not attracted to him. Right?”
“He’s very pretty, but no,” Max said honestly. “He’s not what I prefer in terms of personality.”
“So, I’d never have to worry about you trying to take him from me.”
“Me or anyone else with an ounce of self-preservation. Where are you going with this train of thought, Zee?” Max asked, though he apprehensively thought he knew.
“But you do find him attractive…”
“I think everyone with eyes does, Zee. Come on, whatever it is, spit it out.”
Zee looked so serious and deep in thought that Max was reminded of the old Zee from years before, the pre-Nunew actor who was rougher in many ways, more somber and prone to silence. So much unhappier.
“…enough so that…you could be…physical with him and enjoy it?”
Surreal as this conversation had become, Max didn’t laugh at that, no longer assumed this was a too-long-drawn-out joke, because it had obviously been hard for Zee to get that question out, to even entertain such an idea. So, Max repressed the dryly humorous responses that occurred to him, and left himself a long pause to figure out how the hell to answer such a crazy question sincerely.
Because it was crazy. Wasn’t it? None of them at Domundi, they had agreed amongst themselves, could even imagine Zee or Nunew with anyone but each other. Not even while acting, much less in real life. But Zee was only suggesting something physical, after all, and only because he thought it would be in Nunew’s best interests.
Typical Zee. The only reason he’d share Nunew would be if Nunew wanted or needed that to happen.
“I mean…yeah?” Max waited, giving Zee’s usual possessiveness time to abort this whole thing, before continuing. “I’m no romantic, I can enjoy being with someone I just find attractive, and I do consider him that. Zee, are you asking me to…with Nunew?”
“I’d have to be there, and he would have to be okay with it, and not…all the way. But…I trust you, more than anyone else. So…would you?”
Despite the few minutes of build-up to Zee finally, plainly asking him, Max still found himself a bit stunned. Memory images of the kid in question flipped through his mind like the pages of a book, Nunew over the less than two years he’d known him, and yes, when Max considered only his physicality, setting aside his personality, then, yes.
Nunew was very attractive. He had a face that almost if not everyone would consider beautiful, soft, smooth skin that makeup artists were forever praising, a slender, youthful body that he tended to hide under loose clothes, but that Max had gotten glimpses of. If Zee was asking whether he could get turned on by this body, the answer was an unequivocal yes.
He side-stepped the implied question anyway. “Even if I agreed, what makes you think New would? You know I’m joking when I call him an annoying brat and that sort of thing, but I don’t know what he – “
“He knows you’re kidding. And he considers you a friend, too.”
“Yeah, and his boyfriend’s grumpy best friend who he has nothing in common with except you. If you actually mean to go through with this, shouldn’t you recruit someone the kid is more comfortable with?”
Zee sighed. “I don’t trust anyone else not to develop feelings.”
“Literally no one but me?”
“Sorry,” Zee said, with a tiny, joyless smile. “Look, you can say no, I – “
“I’m not saying no,” Max said, wincing a bit at how eagerly he blurted that out. “I’m saying yes, just that I think Nunew will say no.”
“What if he says yes?”
“Then I guess I’m going to hell for corrupting your precious baby with you,” Max deadpanned, making Zee chuckle and breaking the tension. A little. For now.
***
When is this going to feel like it’s really happening?
Max thought this, as he seemed to have a little time left to think before anything began. It couldn’t actually be happening, part of his brain argued, yet here the three actors were, in Zee and Nunew’s Domundi House bedroom, sitting on the large bed, Max perching on one side, Zee and Nunew on the other, bodies snuggled together as usual, Zee petting and murmuring to the smaller body on his lap.
So, there was a little time. Time enough to back out now at the last minute, which was probably what Zee was softly reminding Nunew that he could do. The thing was, Max didn’t want to.
It had been three days since Zee had quickly pulled Max aside, calmly told him Nunew had said yes, and suggested this date and approximate time, which was late at night, the house quiet, its other occupants innocently asleep. And ever since, not only did Max find himself unable to think of anything else, he had started looking at Nunew differently.
As he had admitted to Zee, he had always thought the younger boy was beautiful, but it had been in a sort of casual, matter-of-fact, the-sky-is-blue way. Personality-wise, Nunew had never been Max’s type; he was not the natural caretaker and protector Zee was, perfect for a much younger partner, as he’d always gravitated more to his own age group and level of experience.
Though considered handsome by everyone, Max was not as confident in his own looks as gym-sculpted Zee was, and would never have thought he had a chance with someone as porcelain-doll-flawless as Nunew. And also not sure he’d be good at ‘teaching’ regarding intimacy, he’d rarely involved himself with a virgin, which Nunew had been prior to Zee.
In these past few days, though, his brain seemed to have rewired itself in the wake of this new opportunity he was being given. Not only did the boy seem less younger-brother-annoying than Max had always considered him, but his looks, which had not been a thing Max had much thought about, seemed to stand out to him more, making Max think he understood fans and colleagues who cooed at Nunew about how he ‘glowed.’
Nunew had not been interacting or talking to him more than was normal – a little less, if anything, probably from shyness about the situation – but whenever Max heard him speak, even the kid’s previously eye-roll-inducing whining had become cute and endearing, as everyone else, especially Zee, seemed to think it was.
Max had even been intentionally listening to the boy’s recorded songs, rediscovering how truly talented he was. Whenever Nunew moved, whether playing around with Nat or running to greet Zee, Max noticed how fluid and graceful the slight body was.
Most of all, he had been studying that lithe body, what little he could see of it as the kid tended to wear clothes that disguised his shape, and his face. How, he mused, had he wasted so much time the past couple years not staring at those China-doll features, the skin that made makeup artists fight over him, the pink lips that looked petal-soft when he was pouting or grinning?
Because he was off-limits before.
He had been. Zee had called dibs basically as soon as Nunew joined Domundi, even before there was an official relationship. Zee who had never been overly friendly to juniors or anyone else had immediately made it clear through his behavior that this one was HIS, being so gentle to the teenager that his friends were left shocked, asking to be paired with him even though Zee had earlier made it clear he was done with pairings and with Y.
Zee had changed for the better, the happier; they were all only pleased for him, and the success Cutie Pie was, before airing, already generating - among other things - highlighted how Nunew had blossomed under his care. Them being paired itself had made Domundi busier and more successful. Max’s own partner Nat had immediately gained a BFF in Nunew, was himself noticeably cheerier since meeting the boy, and like he was some sort of Disney princess, Nunew was adored and cooed over by everyone he met and worked with. All had been well.
It’s not like things are unwell now, though…it’s just…
It seemed too good to be true, maybe? Max wasn’t convinced he wasn’t dreaming all of this, as Zee was, as all his acquaintances and fans knew well, extremely protective of Nunew, and equally as possessive. Anyone but single-exception Nat who touched Nunew even casually and briefly would typically find their hands pulled off and be warned, either with a look or with words, not to do so again, sometimes playfully, but often not so.
Executive-types who didn’t disguise their appraisal of the kid’s body well or who actually dared to flirt with him found themselves denied any further access to Nunew, or at best could only speak to him with Zee standing defensively at his side. It didn’t help Zee’s worry that Nunew usually didn’t seem to realize when he was being checked out or propositioned, maybe because he, like Zee, didn’t so much as glance at any man but his boyfriend.
“He doesn’t know he’s beautiful,” Zee had complained to Max before, airing out relationship concerns with his best friend as one does. “He doesn’t even believe me when I tell him.”
How could that be, Max had found himself lately wondering. Because that beauty was all he himself could focus on lately, looking forward to this night as much as he had also been stressing over it.
He’s not off-limits anymore. When would that really sink in? Maybe soon, because Zee was clearing his throat to speak at last.
“First, before anything else, some ground rules. These are subject to change and addition, of course, but to start…”
Max nodded, not yet trusting his voice.
“If he says no or any safe word we pick, at any time, no matter what’s happening, you stop, immediately. Same goes if I say no or stop.”
“Of course,” Max got out without stuttering. He’d fully expected this.
“Nothing that causes pain, even if he says it’s okay. Slight discomfort is on a case-by-case basis, but when I say slight, I mean slight.”
Max nodded. He wasn’t into anything close to BDSM anyway, and couldn’t picture doing anything like that to the innocence-personified boy.
“No one outside of the three of us can know anything about this. Not your diary, not your therapist, not a monk at your deathbed, no one.”
“I’m not keen to be executed by Net or James for homo-wrecking their ship,” Max said drolly.
Nunew, still wrapped in Zee’s arms, giggled at that. How had he never noticed what a lovely sound that was?
“Your behavior toward him outside of what we do can’t change, at all. No one can suspect this is happening.”
“I remain grumpy, annoyed phi, got it,” Max said, hoping to prompt another giggle and smiling when he succeeded.
“No kissing him on the lips, ever. That’s only for me.”
This one slightly disappointed Max, as he’d been wondering what that pretty little mouth would feel like, but all things considered, small price to pay. He nodded.
“Your dick does not go inside him, ever.”
Max blinked at that as he nodded again; Zee wasn’t normally that crude, but maybe he was just being specific? Max, with difficulty, refused to right now be distracted by the thought of using his fingers or toys.
“And most importantly, you can only touch him at all when I’m present, at times we agree on. Never without me.”
That also had been expected. Zee seemed to be done, so when Max finished nodding, he asked, “So…how do we start?”
If he sounded more eager than he should have, Zee didn’t pick up on it.
“I want you to just watch at first, so I can relax him before you join in. We’re not going far tonight, first I want to kind of show you some of what he likes.”
“Okay.”
The assent came out as casually as he wanted it to, thankfully. Max had wondered just how weird/uncomfortable it might be to view his best friend, to whom he felt no attraction, being intimate, but then realized Zee was not the one he would be looking at. So, he didn’t at all mind the suggestion that he get a show that he knew a LOT of people would pay anything to watch.
I’m basically a ZonZon now, he thought dryly before giving all his attention to the two actors a short distance from him.
After a few more exchanged, inaudible murmurs between the couple, Zee kissed Nunew’s forehead and placed him down on the bed, face up, at which time the boy pliantly laid still and smiled as his cheeks were affectionately caressed. Looking at him, almost radiant with the love he felt, Zee then began to unbutton Nunew’s pajama top.
“I like to undress him without him helping,” Zee explained as his fingers nimbly worked.
If he was at all nervous about this, he didn’t show it, maybe, as usual, too distracted by adoration. Even when the garment was completely unfastened, instead of having the boy raise up to pull his arms out, Zee reached behind his neck to lift him, using his other hand to draw the top off of him, placing it aside.
With Nunew half disrobed thus, Zee paused the process to slowly caress his bared sides, and Max, feeling distinctly dry-mouthed, had the chance to observe the rare sight of Nunew topless, as he was, for some bizarre reason, shy about his body. Max definitely couldn’t get why, he was only faintly muscular, but clearly fit, very slender; when Zee touched his waist, Max could tell his fingers could almost reach each other around it.
The skin of his chest and stomach looked as palely flawless as his face, and even before Zee drew attention by circling them with his thumbs, Max noticed the nipples, a shade darker than the pink of Nunew’s lips. He couldn’t tell from this distance (also his eyesight briefly blurred) if the little buds hardened as Zee thumbed them, but Nunew definitely liked this, arching his back and letting out a soft moan that Max definitely wanted to hear more of.
“He’s sensitive here,” Zee continued to narrate, eyes and now-needy smile locked on Nunew’s face. “He likes them rubbed and sucked, but no biting, even if he says it’s okay. Don’t even ask.”
Max nodded, despite Zee not looking his way. He definitely didn’t trust his voice right now. Zee put an open hand over each mostly-flat breast and kneaded them, and oh gods help Max, the kid writhed, emitting a groan that such a pure-looking boy had no business making.
“Hia,” Nunew breathed, the first word he had spoken in all this time, Max realized.
“Hia’s here, baby boy, Hia’s got you…”
Zee almost cooed these loving words, a tone Max couldn’t recall ever hearing from his best friend, and still rubbing the boy’s chest, the elder leaned in to press his face to Nunew’s bared neck, nuzzling and kissing the fair skin. Though remaining mostly passive, the boy placed his hands on Zee’s upper arms, stroked and massaged the muscle there in encouragement. Max somewhere in his scrambled mind was grateful he’d happened to have put on loose-fitting pants for this.
Zee continued this worship of his boyfriend’s neck, throat, and shoulders before moving to reverently kiss all over his face, slowly, even turning his head to one side and then the other to press lips damply to the delicate shell of each ear, making Nunew shiver noticeably. Finally, Zee sat up, straddling the smaller body, smiled down at how he’d made his lover flush slightly and begin to breathe audibly.
“Okay to keep going, baobei?”
“Yes, Hia.”
As unhurriedly as he’d been doing everything else, Zee drew down and pulled off the pajama bottoms, revealing nicely-shaped, apparently hairless legs, and no surprise, went right to massaging the upper halves of them – even fans seemed to realize that Zee had something of an obsession with Nunew’s thighs.
The Domundi members all smiled and snickered when Zee disapproved of the boy wearing even modest shorts, but maybe, Max thought now, his friend was just careful to hide evidence of their bedroom activities. After all, in a short time, Zee replaced his fingers with his mouth, licking and lightly sucking at the milky-white skin, holding the boy’s legs up by his knees for better access.
Max divided his gazing time between whatever part of Nunew’s body was being attended to and his face, turned on by both, but most affected, actually, by the latter. Only having ever seen that face in innocent situations, he was amazed by how hot it was while Nunew was aroused, the pretty lips parted to pant, their faint pink echoed by the closed eyelids and warm-looking cheeks.
Somehow, Nunew’s usual trademark purity was still there – he was just as innocent as ever, but now an innocent being ravished. No wonder, considering this and everything else, that Zee guarded him so jealously and carefully. Max was slowly realizing as this progressed that not only did he want Nunew, he had never wanted anything more.
Zee was moving a bit faster and more heatedly, clearly driven by intensifying want himself. He barely waited for Nunew’s gasped consent before pulling off his underwear with less grace than all his previous movements. And just like that, the boy was entirely bared to Max’s eyes, and all of it, even his erect, fairly-small cock, was so beautiful, it felt unfair. Not in a way that Max was jealous of the kid, more that it seemed strange that nature had given so much to one single person. And given that person to his best friend, of all people.
Zee was staring down at Nunew with an almost-concerning hunger, stroking his lifted legs before wrapping them around himself, then beginning to slowly masturbate the boy. He clearly knew what Nunew liked, if the moans were any indication, unhurriedly alternating between working the shaft, massaging the testicles, and rubbing circles of pre-come into the head with his thumb. In comparison, Zee’s other hand, rubbing at himself through his clothes, was almost careless, characteristically giving all his care and attention to his boyfriend.
“H-Hia,” Nunew whined at one point, apparently wanting more, faster.
Zee smiled adoringly in answer. “What do I always say, baby boy? It’s better slower. And…”
He didn’t look at him, hadn’t through all of this, but indicated Max with a quick tilt of his head. Nunew, also for the first time, met Max’s unblinking stare, just for a moment before making a cute baby-noise and closing his eyes again. Max spoke then without thinking, almost surprised by the sound of his own hoarse voice.
“Can I touch him while you…?”
“Baby, is that okay?”
Eyes still shut, Nunew nodded, immediately, but no wonder, he was so turned on that of course more physical contact would be welcome, especially for a kid who loved that in general. Max ungracefully crawled the short distance to them, momentarily and weirdly wondered whether he should wash his hands first, then gently laid one open hand on the boy’s chest. He wasted no more time before brushing over a nipple that was, as he’d hoped, erect.
Nunew reflexively arched up into the touch, that was encouraging, though he was probably more focused on what Zee was doing. Max circled the firm little nub with his thumb, now and then pressing more forcefully down on it to feel it spring back. He wanted to put his mouth on it so badly, but guessed it was too soon, so instead began to use both his hands to manipulate both breasts, gently squeezing them and letting his rough palms tease the rosy buds of each.
“Does he like it?” he heard himself ask Zee.
“He likes it.”
Nunew clearly liked everything that was going on right now, his moans and restless twitching indicated that. As much as Max wanted to watch close-up Zee stroking the boy, drawing this out, he found he couldn’t tear his gaze from Nunew’s face.
It was the most erotic thing he’d ever seen, more than what Zee was doing, more than any porn ever. It was the combination of unearthly beauty and personified purity being undone by a very not-innocent pleasure – a kink Max had not known he had, but one that made him wonder if he’d ever be turned on again by anything else.
Then Nunew groaned “H-Hia,” again, and Max briefly found himself oddly disappointed that it wasn’t his own name called. This was swept away by a flood of…what, he didn’t know, dopamine, maybe, because Zee had apparently been convinced to finally make him come. The ensuing sight of Nunew flushing and shaking as he orgasmed made Max feel like he had a dangerously-high fever; he could only hope he wasn’t as beet-red as he felt.
Eyes still locked on the boy, Max numbly moved back when Zee nudged him, giving his best friend space to grab a pack of nearby baby wipes. Max concentrated on breathing, not gasping, as he watched Zee clean his own hands, then Nunew, before unhurriedly redressing him and lifting him onto his lap. His eyes still shut, Nunew snuggled cutely into the bigger body supporting his, and Zee smiled with adoration at him for a long time before looking up at Max.
“That was…” Max tried, and faltered. He didn’t want to sound like he enjoyed it too much, still cautious of Zee’s usual possessiveness. “If you both liked it, I’d like to…do more next time.”
Zee nuzzled Nunew’s face with his nose, murmured to him softly, and whatever he was saying, Nunew eventually nodded in answer. Max let out a breath he hadn’t known he was holding.
“Yeah, we can keep this going for a while. Just remember, this won’t go on forever. It’s just to give him the experience of someone else.”
What will you let me do to him, Zee? How far will you let this go?
As much as Max wanted to know, he knew it was something he couldn’t plainly ask, that it would endanger and compromise this fragile, undefined thing the three of them had begun. And seeming too forward, too interested, would just set off Zee’s he’s-mine-only-mine alarm. So the actor managed to nod with a casual smile.
“Cool. You guys, uh, just let me know when is good for you.”
“Thank you for being gentle with him,” Zee said seriously. “And another important thing – don’t talk to Nunew about this, at least not without me. He’s really shy about it. If you have anything to say or ask, go through me, okay?”
“Got it. Well, good night, guys.”
Max got to his feet without wobbling, strolled out and to his own room calmly before rushing to the bathroom, almost ripping his pajama bottoms off and almost brutally dealing with his neglected erection. Masturbation was usually mindless for him, a physical release typically devoid of any fantasizing, but this time, all his brain had to fire at him was Nunew, Nunew, the memory of what he’d just seen and imaginings of what he might get to, what he might be allowed to do, or at least be permitted to see Zee do.
When all the physical pressure was released and his body relaxed, as he redressed after showering and fumbled his way to the bed, his mind, as though it had been infected with obsession, wouldn’t stop showing him Nunew, Nunew, the surrogate kid brother he’d always cared for but God, never thought this much about, and certainly not in this way.
Not until sleep finally, mercifully came could Max escape from visions of the boy, daydreams of touching him all over and inside. The room was cool, the inferno beneath his skin calmed, but he moved restlessly all through the night, even his dreams of a writhing, doll-like body tormenting him.
To be continued.