Chapter Text
This Is Why We Fight by SecretWeaponSeven
Chapter One:
Oh, Frieza hated being jailed on Earth. The primitive technology, the limiting laws and moral codes, the annoying people…
But there was a very short list of things that made his incarceration on the planet slightly easier to push through than Hell had been. The food was alright, and he had freedom of motion… and most surprisingly, this one human…
Yes, humiliatingly enough the great Lord Frieza had made a friend.
The terms of his imprisonment had required training, something he’d learned to appreciate the results of when he’d used it to prepare his mighty ‘Black Frieza’ transformation. It was a pity that here the best place he had for such things was the Capsule Corp gravity chamber. It always stunk of simian sweat. At least the showers here were much nicer than at his own place (Goku had offered for Frieza to stay with him but he’d rather have died- instead he sold a few rare materials from space and used the cash it generated to purchase a modest apartment). Heading in that direction after the day’s mandated training session he ran into the man who seemed to hang out here so often he might as well live here-
“Ah, Yamcha? Back from your latest gig are you?”
“Yup, got off the job earlier this afternoon, actually!” He had the sort of enthusiastic and honest smile that amplified Frieza’s desire to hate him yet simultaneously made it impossible. Despite Frieza’s every effort otherwise this human hero, Yamcha, had become his friend. “I wanted to relax a bit tonight, let loose and blow some of the money I just made, right? Well it just so turns out I have two invitations for the evening and could bring along a friend to either of them, sooooo you wanna come with? I can’t decide which to choose so we can do whatever sounds more fun to you, if you want?
He rolled his eyes, then smirked. “You know as well as I do that I have no other commitments at this point. But two invitations? Well, aren’t you Mr. Popular? And they are?”
“Well, some of my old teammates from my baseball days got a bunch of VIP passes to a strip club. I’ve never been there but they supposedly have the prettiest girls in the Western Capital showing everything, and I mean everything. Being a former nightlife entertainer myself though I’m not really crazy about that scene, so if I’m going I’d rather have a friend with me to talk to.” He paused, seeming to gauge Frieza’s reply, before continuing, “as for the other, it was Launch and Tien. They’re going to this gay bar and wanted to drag me along too, but I know as soon as we get there Launch will be busy charming all the ladies while trying to hook Tien up with one of the guys, and I didn’t wanna be that weird straight guy all alone in a gay bar, so I figured I’d invite you. Either of those sound good?”
“Two venues near opposite in their target audience- Yamcha, was this all a very roundabout way of trying to determine my sexual preference?”
“No! Of course not! …okay, okay, maybe?” the human laughed, “I couldn’t figure it out, and some people get offended when they’re asked.”
“If you must know, on the occasions that I find myself attracted to others I do prefer other men. But why was this information so necessary that you would go out of your way to find out?”
The scarred skin of Yamcha’s cheeks reddened. “Uh, well, see… I know a guy who’s got a crush on you and he wanted me to find out if he had a chance-”
“If he can’t be bothered to ask for himself then he doesn’t,” the fallen emperor shook his head, “so was this all a sham to learn where my preferences stood or were you truly inviting me out this evening?”
“The invitation was authentic even if the motives were a little off.”
“Fine then. Once I have washed off the stench of Saiyan and returned to my apartment to get dressed I will meet you back here and accompany you for the evening. The gay bar, not the strip club, if I did not make that clear.”
“Awesome! I’ll buy your drinks, okay?”
A few minutes later Frieza stood under the hot water of the shower, rinsing away the grime of a day’s training. So one of Yamcha’s associates was attracted to Frieza, hmm? …he had a feeling it was the human himself who’d been so curious as to the alien’s sexual preference. It wasn’t just his blushing earlier- that whole conversation had recontextualized the month he’d spent on Earth and thus came to know Yamcha in.
He did seem to find any excuse he could to spend time around the emperor, whereas most people did the opposite…
He allowed himself to explore the idea a little, imagining that Yamcha was in there with him, his own large, warm hands on the alien’s body. Once or twice the larger man had changed his shirt in front of him, and now he wondered if that had been intentional showing off? For someone so comparatively weak we did have an aesthetically pleasing musculature.
…but what was he like in bed? Frieza made the mistake of imagining Yamcha, fully naked and laying on top of him, pressing his large, warm fingers into the alien, kissing him hard on the lips before biting him even harder on his neck-
“Ugh,” He muttered, washing his face and trying to push that appealing image out of his mind before his physical body grew as excited as his mind had been. In the end, despite his attraction to other men, he simply could not act on it…
Lord Frieza had a secret, one that he’d lose the ability to keep if he ever allowed himself to become intimately close with someone.
Still, he did like spending time with Yamcha. The man was rough, but funny, and treated him well. He was even extremely handsome in that weird way mammals could sometimes be. And he was tall; Frieza admired and envied height.
He would join him for a drink and conversation, but nothing more. He’d preserve his secret as he always had.
- - -
Bars were similar on every planet, it seemed. Yamcha paid the cover charge for the group of them and they headed in. Frieza was dressed- an annoyance but one he understood the social importance of- in tight black pants and a short, equally tight purple shirt. When societal graces demanded he had to wear clothing he preferred to keep it simple and fitted so he could pretend he wasn’t.
“Just as I predicted,” Yamcha muttered as Launch immediately ditched them in favor of dragging Tien over to introduce him to someone. “Thank goodness you agreed to come with, I’m so awkward in places like this if I don’t have someone to talk to. Besides, it’s my first time at a gay bar so I’m feeling seriously out of my element. Let’s go get something to drink?”
“You did promise me such a thing,” the emperor replied, and they each took a seat down at the far end of the bar. “So tell me this, Yamcha, I will ask the same question you asked me, just in a far more direct manner. Your sexual preference?”
He was blushing again. “I’m straight, pretty sure I’ve already made that clear.”
“And yet you’re here in an establishment catering to those who aren’t?”
“Like I said, those two insisted I come with them, and in case it’s not obvious Tien’s gay and Launch is bi.”
“Yes, and they wanted you here, why?” Frieza pressed further. His friend covered his face.
“Look, I… since you aren’t gonna drop this, I confided the wrong thing in those two and they’ve been obnoxious about trying to convince me to explore my sexuality or whatever ever since. That’s all!”
The bartender approached them and took their orders- Yamcha wanted beer, and Frieza requested his drink of choice from up in space. Earth’s red wine had better be half decent… “And what was it you confided in them, exactly? I don’t plan on dropping this, either, so you may as well just save us both the wasted time and answer plainly.”
“Why’d I always end up friends with these stubborn types?,” he laughed and scratched his head, “So… uh, I mean, I’m straight, I know I am, but lately I keep having dreams about this one guy and his lips and…” he trailed off, staring at a TV mounted on the wall as though the commercials it was currently playing were riveting.
“Ah. And this ‘one guy,’ is it anyone I know?” Frieza probed. His companion nearly fell off his barstool.
“It’s no one! Don’t worry about it! Really!”
Yes, it had to be Frieza. He sighed. “Well, if you find yourself desiring a man then clearly you aren’t straight. It’s hardly complicated.”
“But I don’t like guys like that in general! This is one of maybe like, two crushes on a guy I’ve ever had, I’m still totally into ladies-”
“Oho ho, so not just one but at least two? How very ‘hetero’ of you,” He chuckled and wondered who the other one was.
Yamcha sputtered a few times before seeming to decide to change the subject. “So did you ever think you were straight?”
He shook his head. “As long as I can remember I was drawn to men.”
Their drinks were delivered, and they fell into a few minutes of companionable silence as they sipped them and half watched some random movie that was playing on the television.
Earth wine was interesting. Frieza liked it, and ordered another. Yamcha watched him sip it. “You look like you’re enjoying that. Have as much as you want, that gig I just got back from paid even better than usual so my pockets are full of zeni.”
“More bodyguard work?”
“Yep. Some local douchebag politician that’s up for reelection later this year. Kept him safe all weekend while he was at various campaign events and got paid stupid money for it.”
Frieza tossed back the last of his second glass and leaned toward his companion, smirking. His thoughts from the shower briefly flashing through his mind he poked the human hard in the chest. “You have quite the body to be guarding with. I’m sure you excel at this little side job of yours… will you keep me safe?”
Yamcha choked on his beer, but once he’d cleared his throat he grabbed Frieza’s hand and gave it a light squeeze. “I’d do anything for you,” he replied.
“...you do realize you have beer on your handsome face?”
“Shit,” the human scrambled for a napkin then decided against it. “I’m gonna run to the bathroom and clean up okay?”
Alone, Frieza ordered a third drink and felt his own face burning a bit. He’d been flirting, and of course Yamcha was receptive to it. “This isn’t like me,” he muttered, “I need to keep myself under control,” he sighed and absently watched the television, taking another long sip of his drink-
-wait. The drink? Now that he was thinking about it, this Earth wine… it did have a slightly stronger burn than what he was used to. He closed his eyes and lifted his tail, intending to tap himself between the eyes with the tip of it- he missed completely and smacked himself in the neck.
…well, it had been a while since he’d drank enough to interfere with his judgment or coordination. He’d need to be careful. But now that he knew his mind was being affected he could keep himself in check.
He saw Yamcha returning from the bathroom- his phone was held to his ear and he was hissing into it, “I’m getting there! I’m getting there! I swear I’ll tell him at some point! Geez, this is hard for me okay? Now BYE.” Noticing Frieza’s eyes on him he jogged back over and sat down. “Sorry about that, got an unimportant phone call while I was in there.” He seemed to be fishing for a change of subject as he glanced around before quickly interjecting, “ooo look, they’re setting up karaoke! Do you sing?”
“I sing,” he replied with a shrug, “but I doubt I know any of the Earthling songs they’d offer.”
“Hey, so tell me this, Frieza… I know you’re on Earth because the gods made you, right? Because you fucked around with them?”
“That is unfortunately correct… had I realized that attempting to defeat the gods of Universe Seven would result in this, well, I still would have done it, I’d simply have trained a little more first.”
“So Earth’s your prison, and training to defend it is like your ‘community service’ right?”
Yes, he hadn’t asked for any of this- to be trapped on this miserable little planet, to ally himself with those detestable apes- but Lord Beerus had made it clear this ‘community service’ (as Yamcha had so accurately put it) was the only way he’d be able to avoid a death sentence for what he’d done. “That’s right.”
“So my question was this- how long is your sentence? How long can I count on having you around and behaving before you go back to trying to blow me and all my friends up?”
“Ten of this planet’s years.” An awful thought, so he finished his wine and ordered a fourth glass. He was feeling warm, happy… being tipsy was nice. “But what was that? Did you just say you expected me to… blow you?”
‘Fuck, even in a gay bar you can’t just talk like that!”
“I think I can do whatever I please…”
- - -
His own familiar bed, a pounding headache, and only a dim recollection of how he’d gotten there-
He’d been drinking, but then what? He sat up but nausea hit him hard and he was barely able to grab the trash can at his bedside before he vomited.
“Shit, Frieza, let me carry you to the bathroom-”
Yamcha. YAMCHA?! He nearly dropped the now full trash can and turned his head so fast his vision blurred and headache grew worse.
The room was dark but he could still clearly see him- Yamcha, laying in bed next to him, shirtless. “Did… you’re in my bed, did we…?”
If they had, then the human knew…
“Oh shit, no,” he leapt out of bed and held up his hands. “W-we didn’t fuck!”
Frieza laid back down. Now that he was standing he could see Yamcha still had his pants on. “Thank goodness…” A wave of relief washed over him. His secret was safe…
“Let me grab you some water, I’ll be right back,” Yamcha ran from the room. The fallen emperor closed his eyes and tried to piece his memories back together. They’d been at the bar, he’d had that wine… too much of it. And then?
They’d been on a small stage, yes, that was it. Yamcha singing while Frieza danced beside him, cheering and backing him up- oh, that was probably humiliating… and flirting. He could remember touching and compliments… but how had they returned to his apartment? Why were they in bed together? Was the human lying about not having sex?
The man in question came back to the bedroom holding a bottle of water. “I found this in your fridge so it’s nice and cold.” He opened it and handed it to his companion. “Drink up, but just slow, tiny sips, okay? You don’t wanna get sick again.”
He complied, forcing his queasy stomach’s muscles to cooperate and not just toss it all back up. Once he’d managed half the bottle he set it down and leaned back against the pillows, head swimming, spirit embarrassed. “I… cannot recall much of the night. How did we end up in my bed together?”
Yamcha sighed. “I was afraid of that… Uh, well, we both had a lot to drink, and you invited me back to your place. We… um, like I said we were both drunk, and we wound up making out a little,” he coughed, covered his face, and continued, “but you were a lot further gone than I was and I wasn’t sure you could really consent so I stopped us after a few minutes. I didn’t wanna just leave you alone when you were sick so I offered to stay, and you insisted I was your guest and couldn’t just sleep on the floor, so… so we shared a bed for sleeping but that’s all.”
“I see…” Frieza closed his eyes again. He didn’t remember falling back asleep at that point but he must have- when he next opened them the sun was up and he seemed to be alone.
Sitting up made his vision swim- still hung over. He flopped back down against the bedsheets and took a moment to steel himself. Repeating the same motion slower allowed him to see his befouled trash can’s liner had been changed out and several more bottles of water had been left at the bedside. And a note?
It took him a moment to mentally switch to the Earthling alphabet and read- Good morning! Give me a shout if you need anything, I’m in the other room. -Yamcha
“Yamcha?” He called out. Sure enough the bedroom door opened and the human, now dressed, appeared.
“Man am I glad to see you’re awake! You feeling any better?”
“Much.”
“Liar,” he shook his head. “But now that you’re up I’m gonna go grab us some food. After I drink too much I know there’s nothing better than the cheapest, saltiest, greasiest instant noodles and I’ll bet the convenience store up the street carries them. You gonna be okay alone while I go grab them? It should take me less than fifteen minutes.”
“I am hardly so feeble as to warrant this level of concern after just a few glasses of wine,” Frieza shook his head then regretted it when this just made the pounding worse.
“If you’re sure, but as the one who bankrolled those drinks I feel responsible so you’re getting Yamcha’s special ‘hangover cure ramen’ whether you like it or not.”
He was nearly back out of the bedroom door when the fallen emperor called out to him. “Yamcha, a moment?”
“Huh?”
He had to be completely positive on this final insecurity… “You stated we ‘made out’ last night, correct? How far did we…?”
His handsome face turned bright red. “Not far, really! Just kissing, and uh, you bit me and groped me a bit?”
“That’s really all?” …it was a pity he couldn’t remember it, if his secret truly hadn’t been compromised then it sounded like fun…
“Really. Like I said, you clearly weren’t in the right mind state to consent and while I might have been drunk enough to make out with a man I wasn’t so wasted as to have sex with one!”
Frieza almost laughed but settled for narrowing his eyes and tilting his head. “...even after all that you still pretend to be straight?”
Yamcha shook his head and dashed off, shouting, “anyway I’ll be right back so just relax!” behind him.
Frieza sighed. This was all so terribly humiliating! To become so publicly inebriated, to have been physical with someone, to have anyone see him in this state…
More sips of water rinsed his stale tasting mouth out. He doubted he’d brushed his teeth or did any of his other usual nightly rituals-
Wait! He’d completely forgotten!
Forcing his miserable body to its feet he stumbled across the room, ripped open a drawer, and pulled out his scouter. Sure enough there was a missed call from the prior night…
Closing his eyes and laying back down he returned the call. The line only rang for a moment- “Frieza! I was just about to make peace with the idea you’d surely died! Whatever prevented you from taking my call had better have been good!”
“Frost. If I did not already have a headache then the sound of your voice would surely have done the trick,” he growled. “Going forward, wait for me to miss at least two of our check in calls before you blow it all out of proportion, won’t you? Now, we need to speak quickly, I only have a few minutes of privacy. Is all as it should be up there?”
“...are you sick, Frieza? While you can not leave Earth I’m sure even those wretched destruction gods would allow me to send down a doctor-”
“I am not sick-”
“You said you had a headache, and you missed our call,” Frost’s voice lectured. “Don’t forget, I am hardly doing all of this out of the goodness of my heart. In order for you to keep up your end of the bargain you must look after your health! So I ask again, do you need medical attention?”
“I am fine. Now, answer my question!”
“Yes, yes, all is still well with your empire, no one has questioned my involvement or knows about your incarceration. Now, your turn to answer me- if you truly are in full health then what made you miss our critical daily check in last night?”
“I had a date,” he replied, smirking a bit. Perhaps Yamcha wouldn’t have called it that but it was more or less what it was, wasn’t it? He thought that would end the conversation but no, Frost felt the need to keep digging.
“A date? You date now? I thought that secret precluded the possibility of sharing that sort of intimacy with someone. Are you… coming out?”
“Not everything is about sex. I can enjoy an evening with a handsome man and not have it go any further-”
“If it does, be sure to use protection. Again, your health-”
“Frieza, I’m back!” Yamcha’s voice, so welcome after a brief and aggravating chat with Frost, shouted from the entry. The fallen emperor hung up the call without another word to his counterpart from the sixth universe. “Just give me a few minutes to make your food and I’ll be right in okay?”
“Take your time, dear Yamcha,” he replied, setting aside the scouter.
What an odd day… he would need to be more careful on every level.
End Chapter One
Author’s Note: Oh snap. Okay, so I’ve been working on this fic since February and published a rough of the first few chapters on one of my junk blogs before deciding that even though I conceived it as a vent fic it was worth redoing as a serious story. If you are one of the handful who saw the original version of the fic you might notice a few of the content warnings changed- I ripped out a planned subplot in favor of adding others. But! The core concept hasn’t changed, just hopefully this time executed in a way that is more in character and cohesive.
Oh! Yamcha’s jobs referenced, bodyguard and nightlife entertainer, are both from things Toriyama said he did in interviews. I’m not a huge fan of going with ‘well Toriyama said’ vs going for what’s in the actual manga but whatever, they both work here.
Sooooooo what’s Frieza’s secret? How can Yamcha think he’s straight when he wants to do the dirty with Frieza? And what is Frost up to? Heh, we’ll see… Updates should be pretty quick for the first seven or eight chapters since they’re already done at least. And if you want something to read while you wait on that, why not my fic Misunderstood? Cute sexy humor featuring a pain in the ass Frieza making life tough for a caught-in-sitcom-tropes Yamcha. Anyway. I swear I have eighty other WIPs to finish. I’ll get there. For now, comments give me life and strength and can be left even if you don’t have an account!