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It’s common to meet idols from other groups in Shin-Okubo. They share the same dormitory and restaurant, people are friendly but cold. They are all struggling, and idol groups come and go; in a few weeks, this group will give up, another group will appear, and the cycle continues. What Jiwoong is trying to point out is, there’s not much of a point to invest in deep friendships at this place.
The schedule for the day has just ended. Cleaned off his makeup and sweat, Jiwoong can’t wait to head back to the dorm for a nice shower. Other members already head to the restaurant, but he wants to get cleaned up first.
Waiting for their manager to arrive in the hallway, Jiwoong hears quick footsteps approaching him. Upon turning over, someone crashes into him. He staggers, hearing the sounds of objects falling. Jiwoong looked down - there are many candy bars and lollipops, wrapped in colorful plastic wrapping.
The other man immediately kneels down to gather them, as if he’s rushing somewhere; Jiwoong’s first reaction is to help, so he mimics the man’s action, picking up the scattered sweets.
“Ah, thank you so much.”
His eyes follow the raspy voice, discovering a man - no, a boy - with full makeup, perm hair, and broad shoulders, still wearing his stage outfit. That’s Jiwoong’s first impression of the boy, fierce eyes, cold, with a dangerous smile.
Jiwoong nods in response, watching the boy jams the candies into his pockets.
“Okay, I have to go now.” The boy murmurs to himself, running at the speed he bumped into Jiwoong with.
“Hey, you missed one.” Jiwoong shouts as he picks up the lonely lollipop on the ground.
“Ah, it’s okay, my treat!”
The boy disappears like the way he showed up, fast as the wind.
“You didn’t ask if I want to eat it or not.” Jiwoong said idly to himself.
After the boy is gone, there is no more noise in the hallway. What just happened could have been Jiwoong’s imagination, and it probably won’t make any difference.
He strips down the plastic wrapping mindlessly, putting it into his mouth.
Hmm, guava flavor, weird.
That is the first time he met Yoon Jongwoo, with the taste of artificial sweetness on his tongue.
★
The second time, is filled with the smell of cheap food.
Jiwoong sits at the dormitory restaurant table alone, not many people are here in the early morning. It’s so quiet, every little sound becomes exceptionally clear, like the utensils hitting the iron plate, people talking among themselves quietly, and –footsteps approaching the restaurant.
The boy from yesterday is here. He wears a set of black training outfits, likely just finished a run as Jiwoong did.
Jiwoong’s eyes follow him as he walks across the line to get a plate, then, Jiwoong quickly erases the boy from his mind, getting back to his food – that is, until the boy sits down right in front of Jiwoong.
“Hey, sorry for yesterday, huh?” The boy smiles, his tone is particular, does he normally speak like this? Jiwoong can’t decide if he hates it or not.
“Not a problem. You seemed to be rushing somewhere.”
“It was Halloween, wasn’t it? We had a live broadcast but I was late.” He flashes his canine when he smiles wide, Jiwoong notes as he takes a bite.
“Was that what the candies were for?”
“Well, fans gave them to me, so I wanted to bring them back to the dorm with me.” The boy runs fingers through his hair, “Don’t we live in the same dorm? I’ve never seen you before.”
Good for me, I guess. Jiwoong thought as he battled with the cheap steak restlessly. “How old are you?”
“21. You?”
“22, almost 23.”
“Guess we’ve properly met each other now, hyung.” He laughs with the boyish charm he got, Jiwoong feels how sure of himself the boy is.
He quirks an eyebrow, contemplating if he should scold him for calling him hyung, but decides otherwise.
“Yeah, thanks for the candy.” Jiwoong said half sarcastically.
“I’ll treat you to something else, as an apology.”
“You? I’m the hyung here, that’s a bit of a bad look.”
“I suppose you can treat me, then.” The boy leans over, resting his chin in his palm, flashing that dangerous smile again.
Jiwoong almost laughs, the boy’s smile makes him nervous. He suppresses the smile climbing up his lips.
“I’m Yoon Jongwoo, by the way.” The boy continues.
“Kim Jiwoong.”
Jongwoo smirks victoriously, as if Jiwoong’s name is the prize of a treasure map. “Nice to meet you, Jiwoong-san.” He says in Japanese.
The next day, Jiwoong got a call from his manager, asking him to tell the group it was their last day in Shin-Okubo. It’s always like that, disbandment is as easy as a snap of the fingers.
Of course, this time it still didn’t work out. Jiwoong clenches his fist, only to release it futilely, sighing out of frustration.
The good news is, they have a job opportunity for him. He hears it’s another acting gig. He’ll hold on to the good news for now.
★
One year later -
They tell him he’ll be grouped with other individual trainees for the performance, and they’ve chosen the song.
Before the show starts, the program already has their eyes on certain trainees, and Jiwoong is glad he’s one of them.
Being a BL actor, the production team will use him for attraction and views, and Jiwoong doesn’t blame them; he too will use the program to gain success. He takes in a deep breath before entering the practice room. This is his one last shot.
“Oh, Jiwoong-ssi, you’re here! Come, I’ll explain the filming process.” A program staff is here, and apparently, other individual trainees have arrived as well.
Jiwoong goes to stand beside another trainee, a bit shorter than him, wearing a white tee shirt and grey pants.
Wait. Jiwoong turns his head to properly look at the trainee. He knows him. It’s the boy from Shin-Okubo.
Noticing his staring, the boy smiles at him. It’s a smile you give to someone you know. Jiwoong forces a smile back.
It’s odd, Jiwoong finds comfort in knowing there’s at least one person he knows here; yet, he feels weirdly nervous about having this boy around him.
The staff left shortly after explaining everything. It’s simple, they will divide their parts, practice for the song, and film a practice video. Before program filming starts, they’re allowed to use the practice room.
Oh, and they want him to do something BL-related with another trainee during the performance, for views, of course. He has no problem with that.
“Hyung, nice to see you again.” As soon as the staff leaves, Jongwoo holds out his hand.
“Hi, it’s been a while.”
“You two know each other?” One of the trainees asks.
“We’ve met before, back in Japan.” Jongwoo sounds oddly polite.
Jiwoong concurs under his breath.
Afterward, they quickly introduce themselves to one another. Jiwoong says he was in different idol groups before, was a leader, a vocalist, a dancer, as well as a rapper.
“You seem to be a visual, too.” Another 00-line trainee Seunghwan adds, complimenting him. He finds Jongwoo nodding along. The boy meets his gaze and smiled.
Maybe he’s nervous, that’s why his eyes subconsciously go to Jongwoo.
Then, he learns that Jongwoo is a dancer and rapper. He quirks an eyebrow when the word “Maknae” comes out of the boy’s mouth. This is the least maknae-like maknae he’s ever seen.
“Alright, let’s do this well.” Jongwoo said as he put a headband over his bangs, they start their first practice session as a group.
Jongwoo is spectacular. It’s the first time he sees the boy dance. As someone who enjoys dancing a lot, there’s something very enjoyable about the way he moves, the control in his strength. Captivating, intoxicating, like a sugar rush - Jiwoong can almost taste the guava-flavored lollipop at the back of his tongue.
“Where did you go to when you were young?” He asks when other trainees have gone home, Jongwoo just finished practicing his own part.
“Hmm?” The boy replies between rapid breaths.
“Dance academy. You dance well.”
“Oh, I um, I did not.” The boy picks up his water bottle immediately, smiling but avoiding Jiwoong’s eyes. Jiwoong notes that he’s shy about compliments. “I was in the dance club back in school, that’s all. I like dancing, so I learned it myself.”
“That’s impressive.”
“Not really.” He smiles but covers it with the back of his hand. “I mostly trained as a swimmer and skater back in school.”
An athlete, that explains the broad shoulders. “That’s pretty cool.”
“Um, you dance pretty well yourself, hyung.”
The boy tries to steer the topic away from complimenting him, and Jiwoong decides to let him off the hook.
“Thanks. I enjoy it.”
Jongwoo offers him his water bottle, and Jiwoong takes it.
They head to the metro station together. To be completely honest, their conversation goes better than Jiwoong expected.
Perhaps now that they’re in the same boat, they fit better together.
★
01:20am
Kim Jiwoong
I left my towel in the practice room
01:23am
Yoon Jongwoo
Stupid
I’ll open the door tomorrow
Despite having a group chat, Jiwoong decides to text Jongwoo instead. To avoid embarrassment, of course.
He smiles when he sees Jongwoo calling him stupid. Maybe he’s actually stupid.
★
The practice has been smooth, thanks to everyone’s willingness to cooperate and compromise.
Jiwoong and Jongwoo stay later than others, practicing the fake-almost-kiss choreo. The character simply falls on Jongwoo because they’re the two rappers of this song, and Jongwoo is the one examining their staging and blocking.
With a serious look on his face, the boy rewinds the music and tries again. Jiwoong likes that about Jongwoo, the fact that he can be a real driving force of a team.
After half an hour, they basically get everything done. The production team will be happy with their progress, Jiwoong is sure of that.
“What are you smiling about?” Jongwoo sits next to him, looking at Jiwoong’s reflection in the dance studio mirror.
“I think we’re gonna put on a good show.”
The boy gives an airy laugh, “I hope the audience will like it.”
“They will.” Jiwoong says as he runs a hand through his hair.
“You’re gonna do great on the show, you know?”
“How are you so sure?”
“Ay, hyung, you have looked into a mirror before, right?”
Jiwoong huffs a soft laugh. People compliment his appearance a lot, but still, it feels nice coming from someone he admires. “There’s gonna be a lot of good-looking guys there.”
“Out of all of them, you’re gonna stand out the most. That’s for sure.”
“You have a lot of faith in me.”
“Of course, I thought you were handsome the first time I saw you, the audience will definitely see it, too.”
“You mean the time you crashed into me, nearly breaking my bones?”
Jongwoo scoffed, “Kim Jiwoong, I did not hit you that hard!”
Jiwoong wants to pat himself on the back for making Jongwoo so riled up. He laughs, softly ruffling the boy’s hair like he’s calming a small animal.
Adorable.
He feels the corners of his mouth lifting up.
Wait.
Jiwoong blinks, retracting his hand immediately. What the hell was he thinking.
“Hyung, you good?”
“Hmm?”
“You stiffened up all of a sudden.”
“Oh, did I? ” Jiwoong scratched the back of his head, perhaps this is when his acting skill applies in real life. “You wanna go grab some food?”
“Yeah, why not?”
The boy stands up and offers his hand, and Jiwoong takes it.
★
9:20am
Yoon Jongwoo
My head hurts
9:20am
Kim Jiwoong
Go drink some water
We drank ONE bottle of soju
9:21am
Yoon Jongwoo
I told you I’m bad at drinking
9:23am
Kim Jiwoong
Do you want to go get some haejangguk
9:24am
Yoon Jongwoo
OK
★
There’s something odd about Jongwoo, how he seems to pull people in.
Despite not knowing each other for long, other individual trainees have started to rely on him a lot, asking for instructions, looking for signs of approval, joking or playing pranks on him.
Maybe that’s just his charm. People gravitate toward him once they know him more. Despite the cold look when he’s practicing, the boy seems to enjoy physical touch, often giving out affection and compliments.
For better or for worse, Jongwoo seems similar to Jiwoong in certain ways, like the way Jongwoo listens, the way he teaches, and the way he smiles and adds comments to Jiwoong’s jokes.
But at the same time, there’s something fundamentally different. Like how Jongwoo compliments others, cups someone’s face when he’s happy, and the way he reaches over and touches Jiwoong’s hand when they talk.
It all comes so naturally to him.
★
It’s the day before the recording, they decide to do one last session together, just to shake off the nerves. It’s always better to be over-prepared, Jiwoong believes.
The boys have been nothing but professional, vocals and high notes are on point, and he likes the way Jongwoo touches his jaw when they’re dancing.
Sometimes he tries to make the boy laugh when their eyes meet, but since it’s almost D-day, he’ll refrain from making jokes.
“It does show the tension very well.” Seunghwan says as they look back on the video.
“Alright then. Everyone, go home earlier, get some rest, remember to check your luggage again.” Jongwoo claps and they start packing up their things.
Jiwoong smiles, even though he’s the oldest one, Jongwoo always sounds like the leader among them.
Others leave before they do, while Jiwoong takes his time resting on the ground. It has become a routine to leave with Jongwoo.
To his surprise, Jiwoong does not feel too nervous about tomorrow. There’s a good feeling in the back of his mind.
His eyes wander to the boy, who has put on his crossbody bag, ready to go.
I trust him, Jiwoong thinks.
“Jongwoo-ah, wait a sec.”
“Huh?” Jongwoo’s hand stops at the gate handle, looking back as Jiwoong walks toward him.
“This… counts as practice for tomorrow.”
Jiwoong doesn't know what happened to him, it’s sudden, yet so natural. His hand comes to the back of the boy’s head, closing the distance between their lips.
The kiss is quick and soft, but Jiwoong feels dizzy. It feels right. Maybe Jongwoo is made to be kissed, or, maybe Jiwoong is made to kiss him.
He lets go of the boy, taking in his expression – eyes wide.
Then, though a little too late, it dawns on Jiwoong. He just did something irreversible to their relationship. If Jongwoo does not take it kindly, it’ll ruin their friendship, something Jiwoong has come to cherish.
Would he think I’m insane? Do I play this off as a joke? Jiwoong gulps as his mind runs like an overloaded computer. Maybe I can say I’m practicing for my new drama.
Jongwoo blinked, dilated pupils slowly recovering from the shock.
He could only hear the sound of their breathing.
“Okay.” The boy finally said, his voice more firm than usual.
“Okay?”
“Let’s do well tomorrow, yeah?”
Jiwoong nods, confused, but Jongwoo’s eyes are unwavering, like he just decided on something.
They walk to the metro station, chatting about this and that, as if Jiwoong didn’t kiss him minutes ago.
But something is different, and Jiwoong wonders if he’s just imagining it.
Jongwoo is an unusual person, Jiwoong decides.
However, he is unusual in the way the world intended him to be. Determined, calm, and calculative, but at the same time, gentle and warm.
That might be why, as different as Yoon Jongwoo is from him, Jiwoong found his gaze searching for him all the time. There’s something about him, bright yet unassuming, shining without realizing, a man full of paradox.
Sometimes he feels like he has known the boy for a long time.