Chapter Text
Todd Anderson has been a lot of things in his life. He has been anxious and nervous. He has been overwhelmed, he has been happy, he has been sad and he has been angry. He has never, however, been in love. Sure he's had crushes, guys who caught his eye in the way girls should but never do. Sure he's gotten butterflies when he thought about them, and his cheeks would flush pink whenever he saw them. But he's never truly been in love before. He doesn't think he necessarily ever wants to be in love. Love is hard, love hurts, and love is messy, he's learned that much from the poetry he surrounds himself with. And because Todd does not like hard, painful, messy things, he decides that it is in his best interest to stay away from all things love.
However, being in love is not always a choice. He should have seen that coming, given the amount of poetry he reads that is about love. It is hard, painful, messy, and never ever a choice. It is just something that happens. It's like tripping over a stone, and once you start falling you can't just stop falling, gravity doesn't allow it. In the same sense, the heart just doesn't allow it. The heart chooses and then you're falling and you hope that the person you decide to fall for catches you, and when they don't your heart hits the cold ground of reality and it shatters. That is just how love is, according to poetry. Anything that says otherwise is delusional.
“I'm Neil Perry, I believe we are roommates?” Todd blinks once at the boy standing in front of him, his hand sticking out. Todd nods, numbly taking the boy's hand. He is still reeling from his first day and the conversation with his parents that essentially boiled down to, d on't disappoint us or you'll be worthless compared to your brother , and now he is learning that this very pretty boy is to be his roommate.
“Todd Anderson,” he mumbles. Neil nods once, his gaze lingering on Todd's downcast eyes. Then Neil moves ahead, pushing past crowds of people, high-fiving some boys, slapping others on the back, speaking loudly and laughing even louder. Todd likes the sound of Neil’s voice. It's warm and thick. He blinks the thought away, not totally sure where it came from.
He sees his room and pushes his way toward it. “Heard he's a bit stiff,” someone with red hair is telling Neil. Then he turns and sees Todd trying to push his way into the room. His mouth falls open. “Oops,” he says, turning and disappearing into the room across the hall. Todd turns away, placing his bag into his bed hoping to hide his blush from his very pretty roommate Neil with a very pretty voice.
“Don't worry about Cameron,” Neil laughs. “He was born with his foot in his mouth.” Todd can feel Neil’s eyes on him as he begins to take out his desk set that he got for his birthday, the one he doesn't like and didn't ask for.
Suddenly a bunch of boys shove their way into his room. Apparently, Neil is pretty and popular, a killer combination. Todd begins to dread the rest of the year. He is always going to be pushed aside for Neil's other friends, an outcast like he always is. He sighs. He supposes he should be getting used to the idea of being rejected.
“Oh I'm sorry, my name is Stephen Meeks,” another boy with red hair and glasses sticks his hand out to Todd, who stutters his way through introductions with all the other boys in the room. His head is spinning with new names and faces.
“Todd, you should come to the study group,” Neil suddenly says his name and he turns, looking around the room. All eyes are on him and he blushes.
“Oh, I don't really-”
“Oh you don't have to do anything, Meeks here, the genius, does all the work, we just show up,” Neil says quickly, smiling at Todd. Todd’s cheeks flush even more and he tells himself it's just because everyone is looking at him and not because Neil’s smile lights up the room like the moon on a clear night. Not the sun, the sun is blinding and it hurts your eyes. No, Neil's smile is like the moon, soft and bright and beautiful to look at. Again Todd blinks the thought away, again not totally sure why he thought it in the first place.
“Um-”
“He’ll be there, guys,” Neil reassures them, coming over and slinging his arm around Todd's shoulders. Todd tenses for a moment but then relaxes into Neil’s reassuring grip. Neil grins at him before unwrapping his arm from around Todd's shoulder. Todd feels suddenly cold without Neil's arm around him.
The boys, whose names Todd is trying desperately to remember so that he doesn't have to ask again, eventually file out and Neil begins to decorate his side of the room. He pulls out a map and a couple of books, nothing compared to the number of books Todd has already crammed into his small bookshelf.
“You can use my shelf if you need to,” Neil says absently. Todd startles.
“Sorry, what?” he mumbles. Neil turns to grin at him, nodding at his books.
“Looks like you're about to buckle your shelves there. I have room if you want to put some on mine,” he says again. Todd nods, swallowing.
“Thank you,” he says, grinning shyly before turning away.
“One condition though,” Neil says. Todd turns to look at him again and sees his new roommate smirking, his hands on his hips.
“Actually, two conditions. One, you come to the study group tonight,” he orders. Todd sighs. He could have seen that coming. He has no idea what the second condition is going to be though, and he is fully prepared to keep some of his books in his closet or on the floor if he needs to.
“The second?”
“Any book you put on my shelf, I'm allowed to read,” Todd blinks at his new roommate. Neil is certainly very different from the boys at his old school, who would tear his books apart if given the chance. Todd just nods, a small grin forming on his face. Neil beams, coming over and slapping Todd on the shoulder. The touch causes blood to fill his cheeks and Todd looks away, his heart hammering.
Todd ends up putting seven books on Neil's shelves. He selects the books carefully. He doesn't know Neil very well, not yet at least, so he tries his best to choose books he thinks Neil would like. He chooses some fiction books, all classics as that is mostly what he reads. All are Shakespeare's plays except one, which is a collection of 101 famous poems from varying famous poets. It is one of his favorites, personally, the pages worn and soft. The spine is cracked and old and it smells musty in the way all old books do. He slides it carefully onto Neil’s shelf, his fingers lingering on the edge. He loves that book and is hesitant to let Neil read it. But he also wants to show Neil that he is grateful for letting him use the shelf space. Not that Neil would even know that this collection was his favorite, he supposes. It all might be a moot point. Before he can change his mind though, the boy who he is pretty sure is Charlie swings their door open.
“Study group, don't be late Perry,” he shouts into the room. Then he turns and smiles at Todd in a mischievous way. “Perry is always late, that's your first. You'll have to drag him to class most days,” he warns Todd. Todd nods mutely and Neil grumbles, slinging his bag over his shoulder.
“That's not true,” he mutters, but it isn't very convincing, and the way he quickly averts his gaze tells his lie. Not that Todd minds. Todd is always early to everything. Together they might cancel each other out and be perfectly on time. Todd blushes at the thought of going to places together, reprimanding himself. He won't be going anywhere with Neil as soon as he and his friends realize that Todd is the opposite of the new friend that they want.
Two hours later, Todd finds himself squished on a couch between Neil and the redhead with glasses, who he is pretty sure is named Stephen, but everyone around him is calling him Meeks. Todd doesn't know what he should call him.
“So, Todd,” Meeks says, starling Todd out of his thoughts. Neil is talking animatedly with Charlie and Knox, and without the social crutch that Neil was unknowingly providing for him, Todd had been mostly silent. He shifts, turning to glance up briefly at Meeks, who grins at him.
“Ye-yeah?” he stammers. Meeks continues to look at him for a moment, the grin never faltering on his face.
“Are you excited about the school year?” Todd nods. An easy question, he can handle that.
“Is anyone?” he asks, smiling when Meeks laughs and nods.
“Truer words have never been spoken.” he agrees. Todd fidgets with his fingers in his lap, hoping that Meeks will continue the conversation for them and take that pressure off of him.
“What's your favorite subject?”
“English,” another easy question with another easy answer.
“Oh, you're an English person then? I'm more of a math and science guy. I’ve read Romeo and Juliet though,” Meeks says. Todd can't help the snort that escapes his lips. As soon as it happens he blushes, slapping a hand over his mouth.
“I am so sorry, I didn't mean to be rude it's just-”
“No, no, it's fine. Tell me though why is Romeo and Juliet so funny?”
“It's just- it's the worst romance ever written. If you want a good rival to lovers' plotline, Much Ado About Nothing is the way to go.”
Todd feels himself getting carried away and he quickly reins in his excitement. He doesn't want his potential new friends to find him off-putting or weird, even though he is both.
“Are you guys talking about Shakespeare?” Neil turns, putting himself into their conversation. Todd nods.
“I've always wanted to try acting. Tell me, do you think I’d make a good Hamlet?” he asks, batting his eyelashes and pretending to flip his hair over his shoulder. Todd can't tell if he is joking or not. In truth, he thinks Neil would be a much better Horatio than Hamlet, but he doesn't say so. He just nods, smiling along and letting Meeks do most of the talking.
The rest of the time goes by fairly quickly. There is no homework to go over yet, so mostly the study group is just boys catching the others up on their summers. Todd mostly listens, something he prefers to do over talking. He answers questions when asked, but mostly he is content to not say anything.
By the end of the night, he finds himself smiling as he lays in bed on his back, his hands crossed behind his head against his pillow. The lights are off and Todd can barely make out the spidery cracks that snake their way through the ceiling. The day went better than he thought it would. The other boys don't seem to hate him yet, which was his goal. And there is something about Neil, he can't put his finger on it. Every time he thinks about his roommate something catches in his chest. It's not huge, just a small snagging feeling, like a loose thread being pulled. He doesn't know that eventually, that thread will unravel his heart completely. He doesn't need to worry about that now though. Right now, he needs to worry about the next day, the homework and the classes, and, of course, keeping the delicate friendships he formed that day.