Chapter Text
Amber’s chest heaved up and down in time with the breathy moans leaving her mouth, her golden eyes were closed, her senses focused on the tingling sensation accumulating in her core at the rhythmic movement of the long digits going in and out of her warmth, a dash of cryo releasing sporadically when she less expected, making her gasp and arch her back, grinding against Eula’s hand petting her in the best way possible. She could feel the Spindrift Knight’s lips kissing and sucking at the skin of her stomach, before her warm breath moved to the side of her hip, giving it the same treatment. It was teasing, the way Eula’s mouth would roam around the area, giving her hopes of her tongue replacing the fingers inside of her, but before the Outrider could get what she wanted those occasionally cold lips would move back up to pay attention to her chest, which of course, wasn’t unwelcome at all anyways, but it did make the brunette furrow her brows a little at the mischievous action.
Opening her eyes, Amber’s complaints all dissipated into the back of her head when she was met with the Reconnaissance Captain’s sunset gaze, eyes half lidded looking directly at her, as her tongue swirled around the pink nub inside her mouth, and the look of pure content on her face was enough to make the Outrider flush further and a spark of arousal to rush through her, concentrating where Eula’s fingers were thoroughly working to make her reach climax.
A moan of the cryo woman’s name left her lips as her hands came up to lightly squeeze the other’s shoulders and neck, earning a low hum in response. With one last hard suckle, Eula released the pyro girl’s breast from her mouth, sporting a knowing smirk on her face before closing the distance between their lips in a deep, messy kiss the Outrider welcomed enthusiastically.
Throwing her arms around the Spindrift knight’s neck, Amber moaned into the kiss when she felt those icy fingers curling up inside of her, rubbing against the spot that always made her legs tremble with need. Her hands lightly tangled themselves on the light blue locks before traveling further down, caressing she soft skin on Eula’s neck, rubbing down the taut muscles of her back, her fingertips releasing pyro subconsciously as she felt the shoulder blade move along with the digits still petting her. Feeling adventurous, and overwhelmed by the happy buzzing going on in her brain as her climax approached, her hands glided smoothly downwards to the Reconnaissance Captain’s waist, rubbing circles there before squeezing timidly. One of her hands ventured lower, following the warmth that could be felt concentrating between Eula’s thighs, action that made the taller woman visibly tense up and put a stop to the kiss, hence disrupting the pyro girl from her goal.
The brunette didn’t have time to think before the thumb circling the bundle of nerves delicately changed its pattern, intensifying the feeling and triggering her most awaited release, her head getting thrown back to the fluffy pillow of Eula’s bed as her hips grinded against the sensation. Her voice broke into a sob as climax washed over her, icy lips lazily kissing her neck and collarbone in the meantime.
Her hair sprawled across the pillows as she tried to regain her breath, motioning Eula to come back up, demanding another kiss, this time unhurried and relaxed, to help her come back to earth from her high. After a few minutes of their lazy makeout, the pyro girl finally felt grounded again, as she circled her arms once more around the cryo woman’s shoulders.
“That was so good..” she purred against Eula’s lips once they separated, The Reconnaissance Captain’s light blue hair cascaded down and tickled her neck, and Amber delicately tucked it behind Eula’s ear with a soft smile on her face. She felt content, and thankful for all the focused attention the taller woman had brought her, as she always did. But still, there was a yearning in the back of her mind as she stared into Eula’s sunset eyes, her hand hadn’t been able to reach her destination a few minutes earlier thanks to the sudden disruption of the kiss, and the Outrider’s fingertips tingled with the need to help her lover out too.
“...but now it’s your turn, right?” she whispered, head rising to peck the woman above her playfully on the lips. The tight line that formed on the cryo woman’s mouth at the proposal was a clear sign that maybe she didn’t have the same thing in mind, appearing lost in thought, and so Amber called her name, trying to get her attention.
“Eula?”
A cool hand caressed Amber’s cheek, as the cryo woman looked at anything but her.
“You’re tired, right? It’ll be better to sleep” she sighed, sending a smile her way, but the pyro girl knew her girlfriend enough to know the real emotions behind the seemingly sweet gesture.
“Do not fret yourself with such paltriness”
There it was, the phrase the Spindrift knight seemed to repeat over and over when it came to the topic. Amber’s eyebrows furrowed lightly, as she put her hand on top of the one still caressing the side of her face. She didn’t like the way the cryo woman seemed to refer to her own pleasure, usually deeming it unimportant or not necessary, often shrugging off or directly declining Amber’s attempts at reciprocating the affection.
“But..”
“Sleep” Eula said, more stern despite the side smile on her lips, before lowering her head to peck Amber’s cheek.
“Only if you come back here to cuddle!” she said as a condition for her to drift to sleep. Said action seemed to work on lifting Eula’s spirits, as she heard her chuckle and press their bodies back together, cold hands snaking around her waist, bringing Amber’s head to nuzzle against her neck, and pressed a soft kiss onto her chestnut hair. In exchange the brunette managed to sneak a quick kiss to Eula’s neck and her lips curved into a smile at the way the hands on her waist tightened for a second, before both women finally closed their eyes.
Morning came, and with it Amber’s golden eyes fluttered open, her legs still tangled in between Eula’s. She sighed into the embrace and nuzzled her head against the cryo woman’s chest, giving it a soft kiss, successfully managing to wake the Spindrift knight up too. Soon she noticed her cold hands start moving across her waist as they accustomed to do in their mornings spent together and Amber sighed in contentment as she smiled up at the pale face before her. The morning light dotted everything with a yellowish tint, and the small particles of dust danced in the air against the brightness. A small kiss to her hair made her smile wider, relishing in the hoarser tone of Eula’s voice first thing in the day.
“Good morning” the knight softly said, merely a whisper against her chestnut hair “Did you sleep well?” Another kiss was pressed against her forehead, and the Outrider let out a small humm of appreciation at the sweet gesture.
“Mmhh better than ever!” she giggled, running her hands up and down Eula’s back, fingers tracing the small pyro marks she accidentally left there the night before in her ecstasy. Feeling playful, and ready to try again, she applied a bit of force against the other’s body, successfully rolling them over so she now laid on top of a slightly amused Eula, one of her eyebrows raised in curious confusion.
Before the blue haired woman could inquire about her sudden action, the brunette sealed their lips together, unhurried but still with a hint of determination she hoped Eula could feel. Amber felt those familiar cold hands move again over the curve from her waist to her hip and back up, making her humm into their kiss, as her own hands found themselves squeezing the cryo woman’s shoulders.
Amber’s tongue swiped once, twice against Eula’s bottom lip, asking for permission to deepen the kiss, and their tongues met once again, like old partners during waltz, movements already familiar but eliciting the same spark of desire as if it was their first time. The hands on Amber’s skin squeezed lightly at the sides of her hips, making the brunette sigh into their open mouthed kiss, warmth starting to concentrate slowly but surely between her legs.
“Was last night not enough?” Eula’s sultry voice startled the pyro girl as they separated briefly, cold lips pressing against her jaw, cheeks and neck. “Allow me to take care of you once more, then” the tone the cryo woman used felt like liquid gold pouring right into her, and the proposition seemed as enticing as a glass of cold ice water after a morning run in the scorching sun of August, but Amber couldn’t afford to get distracted now.
Kissing the woman under her once more, she looked straight into her sunset eyes as her hands, warmed with pyro, slid down Eula’s shoulders reaching for her hands, taking them from their position on Amber’s hips, bringing them back up at each side of the Reconnaissance Captains head and entwining their fingers together instead. It was now or never. The Outrider gulped down the slight anxiety sitting at the back of her throat as the words bubbled up from within her chest and past her lips.
“Actually…” She watched as Eula’s brow raised in confusion at her behavior, and suddenly she felt the need to lick her lips to regain some of the moisture lost.
“...I wanted to return the favor…?” Amber tentatively managed to maneuver her legs so that her right thigh was slotted between Eula’s.
“From last night, that is”
The sharp intake of breath the cryo woman took was still within Amber’s guess, . she could sense it once more, the body under her tensing up, preventing her legs from moving in any way, and the way Eula’s hands got just a tad bit colder in her grasp.
“There’s no time…we should get ready to start the day” It was an excuse, a pitiful one at that.
“Weren’t you saying you’ll take care of me just a minute ago?” she inquired, her hands releasing more pyro in the hopes of returning back the barely there warmth on Eula’s hands.
“Why suddenly we don’t have time anymore?” she lowered her head, sinking into Eula’s neck. Amber could hear the other woman sighing, seemingly trying to find words.
“I…”
The pyro girl felt Eula’s arms moving, unslotting their joined hands and watched with cautious eyes as the knight pressed her fingers into the socket of her eyes, brows furrowed in clear distress.
“I’m sorry I….” the cryo woman started with a sigh, and Amber just waited for her to continue, emotions swirling in her chest.
“It’s difficult to explain, come on, we’ll be late” and just like that, the taller woman got up, taking the pyro girl with her to get ready for their day, not letting Amber question her anymore, but the knot in her brows didn't leave even when the Outrider and her parted ways to go on their different schedules.
Amber was left a confused mess as she lightly jogged her way to her current patrol area, her head full of questions, trying to find the answer to Eula’s reluctance to let her touch her.
Carrying through her usual tasks, the pyro user climbed on top of a tree and readied her bow, aiming to the hilichurl settlement she was supposed to take down, but her mind wasn't fully focused on the fight. Was her technique not good enough? A pyro arrow cut through the gentle breeze of the fields, piercing an unaware Hilichurl’s mask and successfully taking them down.
Maybe her nails had gotten too long? She hopped down the tree to quickly change her position as the rest of the camp became aware of the danger they were in. No that couldn’t be, Eula had been dodging her attempts for months now, and Amber didn't even wear her nails long anyways. The Outrider hid behind some bushes, charging another pyro arrow, and this time directing it to the wooden shield one of the mitachurls was carrying, trying to defend their allies. The way Eula acted around the subject….it seemed like something deeper than whatever reason Amber could think of, and it was driving her crazy. She quickly evaded a rock thrown to her position within the bush and decided to run to hide elsewhere while she threw a baron bunny as a distraction. But then again…Amber vividly remembered that one time they both got a bit too tipsy, it had been one of the few times the pyro girl got to reciprocate, and Eula had not complained at all, quite the contrary.
The explosive puppet blew in everyone’s faces, successfully tumbling all the Hillichurls, in those few spare seconds the monsters couldn’t get up Amber quickly finalized them with a direct arrow to their heads, and dusted herself off after the camp was dismantled. Her lips turned into a pout as her brows furrowed , was this what they called “being sexually frustrated”?
It had happened again.
She had turned down her girlfriend’s offer again .
The tall woman walked at a fast pace to reunite with her team, gripping the hilt of her claymore tightly. She couldn't forget the worried and defeated look Amber sported this morning when they parted ways. It made her heart ache, but how could she even bring up a good enough excuse, if Eula herself wasn’t sure of why that happened to her, why her whole body tightened and her stomach sunk whenever the pyro girl mentioned the topic, whenever her girlfriend tried to touch her in that intimate way.
Eula wanted to throw herself into Cider Lake and never come out, but that was out of the question. She had no trouble showering the Outrider in all sorts of affection, but for some bloody reason, when that affection was directed at her it just felt wrong. The worst part of it was that her actions were hurting Amber, the spindrift knight knew that much, and the last thing she wanted was to hurt the most precious person to her. But also, she didn't want to relate the disgusting sensation she felt whenever those intimate touches were directed at her with her beloved one, so her plan had been to just…take matters into her own hands, quite literally, and try to please her girlfriend the best she could, drown her in pleasure so she would hopefully forget about Eula’s turn.
In a way, her greatest pleasure was making sure Amber was happy and satiated, is not like the cryo woman didn't like taking the lead, quite the contrary, but it was clear her plan was failing, as shown in how Amber’s attempts at reciprocating had been more and more frequent. And it was only natural that the pyro user would be equally fiery in the bedroom as she was everywhere else.
“U-umhh Captain is everything alright? You’re pacing” the high pitched voice of the recently re-added member of the reconnaissance company, Mika, broke her own mental turmoil, snapping Eula out of her thoughts and stopping her in her tracks, the grass under her feet had long been flattened by her pacing from side to side. Clearing her throat, a slight flush in her pale cheeks, the tall woman finally focused on her task of the day, leading her crew to the outskirts of dragonspine to investigate some shady abyss activity.
While she swung her claymore at the third lawachurl of the day, the Spindrift knight decided to finally face her fears, and try to find a reason as to why she felt like that. She could be many things, but a coward was not one, and it was time to stop running away from her issues, especially if Amber was getting involved in her problems too.
With newfound determination to rail the library once her shift was over, she quickened the pace in which she danced with her weapon, frost and ice swirling around her as the monsters fell to the floor one by one.
“Haaaa..”
“Darling you’ve been sighing this whole time, and barely touched your tea, is everything okay?”
Amber was sitting on the sofa, a cup of tea on the table in front of her, as Lisa looked at her with a worried expression on her face, the book she had been reading floating lazily at her side. The pyro girl apologized with her head, taking the small cup to her lips. The tea had become lukewarm and didn’t provide the comfort a piping hot beverage could.
“Is it a lover’s quarrel hmm?” Lisa hummed, her hands supporting her face as she leaned on the table, a gentle smile on her face.
The brunette fidgeted on her spot “N-not really a quarrel” she hurriedly reached for a small pastry and took a bite of it, chewing quickly and swallowing as her cheeks flushed, trying to express herself in the least embarrassing way possible. Despite Lisa’s teasing nature, she was actually very kind and understanding whenever Amber had mentioned these kind of things in the past with her, the pyro user considered the librarian as some sort of older sister figure, and she loved how she never seemed to judge anything and always seemed to have an answer to things, plus the tea she brewed was delicious.
“I’ve just been feeling…frustrated I guess?”
The Witch seemed slightly surprised “Oh? I thought Eula had been tasked with fewer missions far away these past few months, is finding alone time still tough?”
Amber was quick to clear the misunderstanding, a nervous smile on her face as she waved her hands in front of her. “N-nothing like that! We get plenty of alone time, yes, but…”
The Librarian just crossed one leg over the other, listening intently to her words.
“It’s mostly just me..um, receiving attention, so to speak” her brows were furrowed in embarrassment as she looked down at her own lap to avoid Lisa’s green gaze.
“I don’t mind though, it feels good and all!! But it's just…I haven’t been able to, you know, return the favor, ”claim my vengeance!” or whatever you want to call it”
The librarian giggled at the way the Outrider had just mimicked the cryo woman’s way of speaking to further her point.
“And I..really want to return the favor…from time to time, you know?” She finally looked up to those green eyes, searching for an answer or a clue. “But she always either dismisses the matter, or puts up a lame excuse” she started pouting while remembering what had happened that same morning. “I don't want to do it if she doesn’t want to either!” I’m afraid of pushing her away, where the words Amber left unsaid.
“But I guess I’m still kind of frustrated…”
“Mhhhh, you see sweetheart, there’s some people who just prefer certain roles in the bedroom” the Witch of Purple Rose said, refilling Amber’s cup with hot tea.”And there’s also the possibility of some worry or a deeper issue to be the reason” Taking a sip of her own cup, Lisa continued.
“Or maybe it’s a bit of both, who knows? I’m certain you’re the one who would know more about her” she smiled at the way Amber’s face got flushed at the last words.
The Outrider knew she should discuss this matter more extensively with Eula, but getting those feelings off her chest felt relieving in a way, and she felt a bit of hope return to her.
“If you want a tip though” The Librarian said, motioning the pyro girl to come closer so she could whisper in her ear. “How about you guys try to do something “together” instead of focusing the attention on one of you at a time? That might make things easier, don't you think?”
Oh
It was a great idea, how did Amber not think of that earlier?
“Lisa, you're a genius!” She shouted, before slapping her hands over her mouth, after all, they were in the library.
“Thanks dear, I know~” the Witch replied, teasingly before leading the pyro girl to the door of the library, turning her head back to the lower floor, a knowing smile on her lips.
Eula shouldn't be listening to this conversation, she shouldn't be eavesdropping on her girlfriend and the librarian talking upstairs, just a few meters away from where she was at the corner of a library table, piles of books about all sorts of embarrassing stuff surrounding her in her search for an answer to her predicament, but when she first heard the sound of Amber’s heels against the old worn out floor of the library, she couldn’t help but be frozen in place, holding her breathing to be able to hear what her girlfriend was talking about with the Librarian.
And really, she knew the two of them were close, but still, it felt way too embarrassing to hear them talk about such intimate issues in the middle of the day! Granted the library was almost empty, and she was probably the only one interested enough in what they were talking to actually listen, but, but, but.
She hid her face behind the book she was skimming through when she heard Amber mimic her way of speaking, the heat she felt on her cheeks warning her of the blush spread across her face.
Her head perked up when she heard Lisa’s voice mention something about tips, but unfortunately, they were whispering even quieter now, and Eula couldn’t make out anything that was said between them. Soon she heard Amber’s heels against the floor again, the sound getting far away as she guessed her partner had left the library.
Eula let out a sigh and resumed her reading time, all the books she had chosen were despiting different situations, but none of them truly applied to what the cryo woman felt, they were all too… clinical? And the spicy romance novels she picked too, were too unrealistic and cheesy for her liking.
“You know it’s very rude to listen to other’s private conversations right?” The Witch’s voice startled her to no end, making her jump in her seat and bump her knees on the table, muttering some curses under her breath at the sudden pain.
“I would argue that is as rude as to startle someone who’s so focused on reading” she huffed, rubbing the spot she had hit with the table seconds earlier.
The Librarian took a seat in front of her, setting her hat on the table.
“So, I’m guessing you know Amber is frustrated right? What are you gonna do about it sweetheart?”
The cryo woman raised the book she was holding up “What do you think I’m doing? I’m trying to fix things”
“By reading about…. “Sex and the many faces of it” Wow, what a raunchy title for such a technical book” the green eyed woman said, a smirk on her face.
“I’m guessing if you haven’t told Amber what’s the problem, you won't tell me either mmh?” She inquired, making a rose out of her electro powers and twirling it in her hand.
The Spindrift knight set down the book and sighed looking to the side “ If I knew what the issue was I would have found a solution already…”
Lisa seemed surprised as she blinked a few times, the rose disappearing into thin air “Huh? You don’t know?”
“Listen, I’m sure you’re aware of my less than ideal emotional intelligence” . As much as it hurt her pride to admit it to the librarian, Eula still had a lot to learn about herself. It had taken her years to finally open up to the people closest to what she could consider as a “friend”, even though it had never left her lips.
The Witch sighed as she rubbed her temples “Oh true, I forgot how emotionally constipated all the heirs of the 3 houses are” she rolled her eyes, and the Reconnaissance Captain almost felt sorry for the blonde Lisa was surely referring to apart from her.
A sparkle suddenly could be found in those green eyes as the librarian straightened up, an idea surely popping on her head, and with the way Eula got a chill, she was sure it wouldn’t be to her liking.
“True! Why don't you talk to Jean about it? You both are similar in the way you were raised, maybe you can have some sort of “group therapy” so to speak “ she giggled as she clasped her hands together.
Eula couldn’t contain the way her face contorted into a scowl.
“What? Me ? Talk with the Gunnhilrd? About that stuff? I thought you were the smartest student Sumeru academy had seen in the last 200 years” The blue haired woman crossed her arms, opposing the idea.
“Oh come on dear, just give it a chance, I shouldn’t be saying this myself…”
“Then don't-”
The librarian had a proud smile on her face, completely ignoring Eula.
“But she has come a long way when it comes to understanding herself and her emotions, all thanks to my love and care of course~”
Right, now the Spindrift knight was completely disgusted, she didn’t need to hear about any of this.
“I’ll go talk to her if that’ll make you just shut up right in this instant”
Lisa’s smile widened as she got up from her seat, urging Eula to get up too.
“Yes yes, now go darling! Tell Jeanie I sent you there” The cryo girl was literally being shoved up the stairs and out of the library, and in just a few seconds, she found herself in front of the Acting Grand Master’s office door.
“Ah, I forgot to ask her about what they were whispering about in the end….”
Knocking on the door, instead of announcing her title, Eula announced her presence with her name, letting the blonde know it wasn’t an official matter. Once she heard the other’s voice telling her to go in, she finally opened the door and entered the room, closing the door behind her and walking up to Jean’s desk with a firm step.
“Eula! What brings you here?”
“Lisa sent me here… to talk about feelings” the Reconnaissance Captain sighed as she took a seat in one of the chairs provided, studying Jean’s face.
The blonde’s expression changed from formal, to soft at hearing her lover’s name, to curious as she set her pen down to focus all her attention on the woman in front of her.
“She told me you might be able to help me…understand how I feel” Despite her words, Eula’s body language was completely against what she was saying, both her legs and arms crossed, and her head turned to the side, observing the map that did not match the current Mond landscape.
An awkward silence fell between the two, the cryo woman didn’t know how to even begin to explain her predicament, she felt uncomfortably flushed in the face just thinking about ways to initiate the conversation, and the fact the blonde was just looking at her, expecting something to come out of her mouth was irritating her. Why must talking about her own feelings be so embarrassing and infuriating? She just wanted to get over with it, and hopefully find a solution, or at least a clue in the right direction to her main problem.
She couldn’t deal with it anymore; just when Jean was about to say something to break the silence, the Spindrift knight finally blurted it out.
“I can’t let Amber touch me in an intimate way”
Her eyes closed shut as she exclaimed that, hands balling into fists and slamming the table, her face had become red both from the effort of saying that outloud and the embarrassment that brought. A few moments passed and when she opened her eyes she found the blonde’s face to be the same shade of red as her own.
“Why are you getting embarrassed huh??” The claymore user shouted, slamming her hands on the desk as she sprung up from her seat.
“C-cause it’s embarrassing?” Jean had covered her face with her hands trying to make the blush go away.
“I-it really is embarrassing isn't it?” Eula fell back to her seat in defeat, holding her head with her hands as she slouched.
It took both women 5 whole minutes to compose themselves again, and when they finally did, Jean cleared her throat first.
“Sorry I just…wasn’t expecting the conversation to be about that… but I’ll do my best to help” She said with a slightly worried smile.
“Actually knowing Lisa…I should have expected it” Eula watched as Jean brough her hand to rub her temples, before getting the Acting Grand Master filled in on the current situation.
After her explanation was over, she watched as the blonde pondered for a few minutes, fingers on her chin, clearly concentrating.
“From what you’ve told me, it seems like there’s some sort of… force preventing you from fully enjoying your time with Amber?” Jean was choosing her words carefully, but the cryo woman nodded at her phrasing.
“It’s like there’s some hidden voice inside my head…telling me it’s wrong”
“Heh, I guess I’ve always disliked being the center of attention” Eula chuckled but it was void of any happiness, just bitter reminders of her reputation in Mondstadt.
Jean looked at her in understanding, and it seemed like her hand wanted to reach out to the cryo user, but it wavered mid air and returned to her lap.
A few more moments of silence fell between them before the blonde spoke again.
“It’s kind of interesting though” she said, a shy smile on her face as her fingers fidgeted on top of the table.
Eula raised an eyebrow in curiosity, interested in what Jean had to say.
“I--I had the opposite problem with Lisa when we started dating”
Eula’s raised eyebrow raised further at Jean’s confession, but decided to be merciful and keep quiet so the woman could explain herself.
“You see, I just felt like I would never be good enough to umhh, satisfy her so to speak, and so each time the opportunity was in front of me, I would get completely stiff and frozen in place, and in the end I wasn't able to do anything. And of course it was frustrating because I did want to do it! I was just afraid”
The Reconnaissance captain waited a few seconds before questioning “And I’m guessing that has changed now, right?”
Jean smiled as she brought her hands together, close to her face “Yeah, with Lisa’s help, she’s been nothing but patient and caring for me all this time, guided me through it all and reassured me how everything would be okay if I just had faith and trusted her”
“This is getting way too corny for my taste”
is what Eula thought, but seeing the genuine love on the blonde’s face, she didn’t have it in her to say it outloud, so she just managed to nod in agreement.
“It’s not that I don’t trust Amber, I’d trust her with my life if the situation was given but I- I think I have a hard time letting go…of my past” she confessed, finally starting to puzzle things together.
“I was told all my life to never be vulnerable, especially around others and even though I trust her with all my entire being I--” Her hands trembled on her lap as she said those words out loud. That disgusting sensation she felt everytime Amber tried to touch her materialized inside her mind as memories, her own mother denying her a simple hug when she was a kid; her private tutors hitting her fingers with a ruler whenever she messed up an answer to the tests. Not having anyone comfort her after a nightmare; The citizens of Mondstadt, spitting at her or insulting her whenever she passed by the main streets.
All those things combined had set roots inside her heart, that didn’t let her be seen as vulnerable to anyone, not even the person she loved most in the world.
Tears threatened to fall down her face, making the disgusting feeling inside her heighten, another show of vulnerability she was told to hide and never show anyone, but if she wanted to overcome her past, and her own demons, she had to start somewhere.
And so, those tears continued their way down Eula’s rosy cheeks, rolling down her chin and falling onto her legs.
With great effort, she managed to only flinch when she felt Jean’s gloved hand on her back instead of shoving her away, and the gentle breeze flowing through the room seemed to help her heart heal a little, if only for a while.
Amber quickly marched through the streets of Mondstadt, a sandwich in hand, as she had no time to properly stop to eat. It had been a few hours since she spoke with Lisa and got a new idea to try, but now her main issue laid in how to approach Eula about the subject.
Being honest was always the best option, the brunette was sure of it, after all, she didn't think it would be a good idea to try anything without explaining her plans to her partner. They had planned to have dinner together later when the sun had already set, and the pyro girl eagerly waited for the time to be reunited with her girlfriend, and have the chance to talk. Unfortunately their schedules didn’t match at all that day, so all the Outrider could do was finish her tasks as quickly as possible and wait for Eula at Good Hunter.
While she patrolled around the outskirts of Springvale, she thought about ways to bring up the subject. Probably bringing it right while they were having dinner was a bad idea, so the best option was just nonchalantly inviting Eula to her room, or Amber inviting herself to Eula’s, and having the talk in the privacy of either of their rooms. Gliding from the top of a windmill to the nearest hill, Amber shooed away a few boars that threatened to eat some of the crops nearby. Despite the slight anxiety sitting on her stomach, the idea of having dinner and spending time with the Spindrift Knight always managed to set a certain warmth and giddiness in her chest, and so a smile settled on her face as she resumed her patrolling.
The hours passed by much quicker than she thought, and in the blink of an eye, the pyro girl was walking the bridge that led to the city, already spotting the tall cryo user waiting for her at the entrance gates. Hurrying her steps, to the point she was just running towards Eula, she threw her arms out, expecting the Reconnaissance Captain to catch her, as she always did.
Her body collided with the taller one, wrapping her arms around the blue haired woman’s waist tightly and sinking her face on her chest, one of the perks of being short, in Amber’s mind. She smiled into the hug as she felt herself getting twirled around once, before her feet touched the ground again and she begrudgingly separated her head from the comfort of the other’s chest.
“Eula! I missed you” she said, looking up with bright eyes at her partner’s face, who lightly blushed at her sincerity, but still replied with a soft smile on her face.
“It’s only been a few hours…” She exhaled, faking annoyance before briefly looking around, and finally lowering her head to give a quick chaste peck to Amber’s forehead.
“You must be hungry right? Let’s head to Good Hunter, we shouldn't keep Sarah waiting” The Spindrift Knight said, as she led them both inside the city. Of course the waitress was already expecting them to drop by and had already prepared their usuals, so all they had to do was sit at their table.
The dinner was pleasant, Amber talked to Eula about her day as she munched on her sticky honey roast, although she did notice her partner being slightly more quiet than usual. In an attempt to cheer the cryo user up the brunette nudged her ankle against Eula’s, action that made the aristocrat smile as she took another bite of her salad.
“Say, what do you want to do after dinner is over?” The question coming out of the claymore user’s mouth startled Amber, who straightened her form on the chair, like a deer caught in the headlights.
“Huh oh I- I thought we could maybe head back to the dorms… if it’s fine with you”
Eula must have sensed her nervousness, cause the next thing she felt was her ankle returning the affectionate gesture from earlier, as the cryo woman spoke:
“Very well, I was thinking about that exact plan” she said with a content smile as she took a handkerchief to delicately dab at her lips.
“I have…something I need to tell you” she whispered, and nervousness could be seen on her face. Nervousness that Amber tried her best to pry away.
“O-Of course!! I’m all ears” she was quick to reply, getting up and trying to rush to the counter to finally pay the bill for once.
“Don’t bother, I paid in advance” Amber turned her head to see a slightly smug smile on Eula’s face, and really, it shouldn’t make her blush like it did, but the outrider wanted to kiss that pretty mouth now, when they were supposed to talk, curse how gorgeous her girlfriend was.
The Spindrift knight seemed to pay no mind to her whines as they slowly bid farewell to Sara and started walking towards the Favonius Headquarters. Each step they took made the anxiousness inside Amber’s chests rise, but she had to stay strong. If Eula had something she needed to tell her, the brunette was going to listen to it intently, something inside her gut told her what her girlfriend needed to talk about was related to the root of her frustration, and what happened that morning.
A few minutes later they arrived at Amber’s door, and the shorter girl briefly confirmed with her eyes if it was okay to go to her room, getting a nod from Eula, she opened the door and the two of them stepped inside. They both walked towards Amber’s bed, the pyro girl hopping onto it and snuggling a baron bunny after taking her boots off.
“Actually I also have something to tell you…” She said timidly as she watched Eula take her boots off too.
“Oh, then go ahead”
The brunette was quick to shake her head.
“No, no! You mentioned first so it’s only fair you go first!”
She saw as Eula raised an eyebrow, putting her hands on her hips.
“I told you it’s fine to go ahead, talk now or I’ll remember this offense!”
“T-then at the same time!”
“Huh?”
Amber repeated herself, arguing that just blurting what they needed to say at the same time would be the only fair way to settle it.
“Okay one…two…three..”
“I’m sorry!”
“I apologize for my behavior”
Both women blurted out at the same time, Amber had closed her eyes while she squeezed the plushie between her arms, but upon hearing the other’s apology she opened them in surprise.
“Huh? Why are you apologizing?” Shouldn’t she be the one to apologize for pushing Eula too much?
“I could say the same thing to you…what are you apologizing for?” The cryo woman inquired, finally sitting on the bed next to her, slightly leaning her body in Amber's direction.
Looking into those sunset eyes the pyro user felt like she had no escape, she fidgeted in her seat as she brought her knees close to her chest, speaking in a low volume.
“F-for being too pushy this morning, and lately in general…” she muttered , averting her honey eyes from Eula’s gaze.
“No, please don't apologize for that” the cryo woman said, and Amber noticed how her hands were clutching the sheets.
“It’s only normal you want to touch me too…” Eula said “..I’m your partner after all”
Amber noticed how the taller woman took a deep breath before continuing. Her heart already happy at hearing Eula validate her own feelings.
“I’m broken, Amber”
Those three words made the pyro girl's stomach sink, as she hurriedly let go of the baron bunny in her arms to rush to her girlfriend’s side, hugging her shoulders and letting Eula’s head rest against her chest.
“Of course you’re not Eula! What do you-” she tried to say, but got interrupted by the Reconnaissance Captain’s strained voice, it was clear she was at the verge of crying.
“Because of my upbringing...” another pause, another sharp intake of breath that stung Amber’s heart, as she rubbed Eula’s head still hidden in her neck.
“I…I am unable to let go…to just be vulnerable enough, to bare myself whole before you, I thought I could do it but…”
“Eula…”
“There's this cruel voice inside my head, that tells me I’m not worthy of love. That I do not deserve such a thing, and I know it’s not true,
I know
it’s just the phantoms of my past coming to haunt me but…”
“I don't even know how to start fixing this. Or if I can even fix it”
The pyro girl heard the chuckle devoid of happiness against her neck, the cold breath against her skin, and the tears wetting her clothes.
“Maybe this is the fate reserved for a sinner like me…”
The bow user couldn’t take it anymore, her own tears rolling down her flushed cheeks as she yanked Eula’s head from her chest so she could look at her.
“Enough Eula, don’t say those cruel things about yourself!” she shouted, her emotions getting the best of her. The knight looked at her with a pained expression, eyes reddened from crying
“T-the fact you’re telling me all this is the first sign of you wanting to change and overcome those thoughts!” She tried to give the taller woman some encouragement, Amber’s heart had shattered in a million pieces at hearing Eula talk like that about herself, and was set on not letting the cryo user suffer alone with those thoughts anymore.
“It’s fine, we can figure stuff out together, and take all the time in the world” she smiled at Eula as she brought their foreheads together in a sweet gesture.
Amber felt those strong arms finally wrapping around her waist, bringing her closer.
“What did I do to deserve you?” She heard Eula sigh after a few seconds of silence between the two.
“You didn’t need to do anything Eula”
Amber reassured, kissing the top of Eula’s head as her fingers came up to take off the elegant hairpiece off her soft blue hair, setting it on the bedside table. “I love you just because~” She giggled, feeling cold hands rubbing up and down her covered waist noticing the faint chuckle Eula let out against her neck.
“Really, you’re just unbelievable…”
Finally, the atmosphere didn’t feel so tense and gloomy, and Amber was happy she had managed to somewhat cheer her partner up, despite everything. They slowly fell into a comfortable position on the bed, Amber’s head was now resting against the pillows piled up at the headrest, while she kept playing with Eula’s hair, whose face was still resting comfortably on top of her chest.
Amber smiled at the way the cryo user nestled on top of her grunted in protest the moment her fingers stopped combing through her hair. Eula’s eyes were closed, a soft expression on her face as she breathed slowly through her nose. The pyro girl just spent a few seconds admiring her long eyelashes and thin eyebrows, the way her cheek was pressed against her own skin, and the soft shine of lip gloss that remained on her rosy lips. Amber was sure she had never felt luckier.