Chapter Text
Another day, another diagram.
Qi ripped out a fresh sheet of paper and grabbed his pencil. He had only gotten done with the initial rough shapes when he heard a knock on his door. He paid it no mind. The door was unlocked, whoever it was could just walk right in. The knocking went away for a second, then came back, faster and more insistent than before. Qi huffed and pushed himself roughly off his seat.
“Alright, alright, I’m coming!” He opened the door to find…Justice, of all people.
“Director. Sorry for the interruption.” The sheriff had an uncharacteristically grim expression on. “The builder…”
Qi tensed. “What? What happened?”
Justice took a shaky breath. “We…We were chasin’ after Logan’s goat, tryin’ to find his hideout, and…it leapt off the cliff, and…” He screwed his eyes shut. Qi felt his stomach plummet. “The horse they were ridin’…it couldn’t stop in time…”
“What…?” Qi went rigid. Justice’s mouth kept moving, but the words didn’t reach Qi’s ears. Through the sudden vertigo and the shrill ringing, he could just make out a “memorial” and a “stage” and an “I’m so sorry.” When Qi finally remembered to blink, he was gone.
His right leg took a step forward. Then his left.
The canyons around Sandrock could be anywhere from hundreds to thousands of meters deep.
Right. Left. Right. Left.
Even if they fell in a way that minimized their falling velocity, they could reach terminal velocity as little as 12 seconds.
Right. Left. Right. Left.
Even disregarding any initial velocity from the horse, they would have been falling at an incredible velocity just before reaching the ground.
Right. Left. Right. Left.
Chances of survival…
Right. Left.
Effectively zero.
Matilda was on the stage, voice trembling as she recounted the builder’s many great contributions to the city.
Effectively zero.
Dozens of red, watery eyes were on Qi. He turned his to the ground, trying to ignore their stares.
Effectively zero.
Dozens of whispers murmured sympathies and pities. His ears were still ringing.
Effectively zero.
Someone asked him if he wanted to speak. He felt his head shake no. He couldn’t trust himself.
Zero.
Qi put his pencil down to take a sip of tea and to stretch his sore wrist. This would be diagram 17 that he’d managed to finish in the last 24 hours. A new record. He’d gotten 13 done yesterday and 10 done the day before that. Wonderful. His work speed was increasing. He tore out another sheet of paper and picked his pencil back up, sketching the next one out with frenetic lines and deformed shapes.
“Director Qi?” It was Mi-an. “I…I brought your dinner.”
“Set it over there.” He gestured vaguely to his right. She tentatively set it down on the floor in front of the fridge.
“Um…” Mi-an shuffled in place, wringing her hands. “Can I…do anything else to help?”
“You can boil my next kettle. It’s upstairs. Five cups. No less.”
“Uh, with all due respect, Director, I think you might want to get some rest. This isn’t good for you at all.”
“I’ll be fine. The tea. Please.”
Mi-an was silent. No matter. If Qi stayed silent long enough, she would comply. Sure enough, after a moment, he heard a sigh, followed by light, unhurried steps up the stairs. Good.
Qi felt his head bob forward. It felt like it weighed a ton. He jerked it back straight, the sudden motion sending a wave of nausea through his body. He pressed forward. If Mi-an could get the tea to him within the next several minutes, he might be able to stave off the microsleep just
Qi woke up with his cheek against the desk, drool spilling onto the diagram he was working on. He groaned, wiping his mouth clean and assessing the damage. Luckily the pencil didn’t smudge…but just what the hell was he looking at? A mess of imprecise and unmeasured scribbles. No title or scale. He scowled and shuffled through the remaining pile of diagrams that he “completed” before his sudden blackout. The further down the stack he went, the more erratic the drawings became. By the time he hit diagram 10, he was just drawing the same thing over and over again, each time more deformed than the last. Total waste. He ripped the most egregious ones in half with a huff.
He stood up and stomped upstairs. Hopefully Mi-an still made him that tea. He was pleased to see five cups sitting on the table. He grabbed one and took a long swig. He regretted it immediately. The leaves were still in the cup, the tea grossly oversteeped and cold. He spit the disgusting concoction out while coughing up a storm. He slammed the wasted cup back down on the table, grabbed the empty kettle, and went to the water tank to start an actual brew. Without anything else to do, he stared blankly at the kettle on the burner, as if that would make it boil any faster.
It was the first time in a while that he needed to brew tea for himself. It was always such a time-waster, but then–
No.
Qi’s stomach growled. When was the last time he consumed anything other than tea? He went downstairs to fetch the parcel of food that Mi-an left on her last visit, whenever that was. He untied the cloth wrapping the little bindle up, tossed the concerned note from Owen aside, and cracked open the lid to the container. Meat-stuffed mushroom. His regular order at the saloon. Cold, of course. He headed back upstairs and grabbed a random fork lying around. He bit off a sliver of it and grimaced. Maybe because it was too cold. Then again, Owen’s cooking could never match up to–
No. Stop.
The kettle whistled. Qi grabbed some fresh tea leaves and dropped them into the cups. He kept nibbling slowly at his food as the tea steeped. He was almost out of water, wasn’t he? Might as well get a trip to Water World in now, since he already was wasting time on food and drink. He set the unpalatable food aside and gulped down one of the cups of tea in one go, ignoring how the water scalded his tongue. He opened the front door to a darkened street.
Qi seized with a gasp and slammed the door.
No. No. Don’t look up. It’s cloudy. There are no stars out.
He hurried back to his desk and sifted through the useless diagrams. Keep working. Anything to keep working. What the hell were all of these for?! Who ordered them?!
“If I plan this out correctly, you should be able to fuel all your machines from a single endpoint!”
“That…sounds incredible. Yeah, I really need that. Let’s go with that one.”
“The fire-powered generator it is, then. Should take around…4 days, 16 data disks.”
“Hmm… Here, take 25.”
“Oh! I can get it done a little faster then, if you need it.”
A soft laugh. “No, no. Take your time, honey. Consider it a present. For all your hard work.” A peck on his cheek.
The builder. His builder.
Qi tore his eyes off the diagrams. His relics, they needed reorganizing. Yes, that’s it. He walked over to his cabinet and tore the door open. That was the last straw for the overstressed shelves, snapping off the walls and spilling relic pieces all over the floor around his ankles.
A massive CLATTER sounded from behind him. He whirled around to find the builder collapsed under a heap of relics scattered from his now-broken cabinet. Nothing too heavy or sharp was in there, at least. It was nothing to worry about. He turned back to the experiment he was performing.
“Your cabinet almost killed me!” the builder snapped as they got up and dusted themselves off.
“My apologies,” Qi said reflexively, even though he didn’t really need to.
“Do you even care about me at all…?” Something in him shifted at how hurt they sounded.
“Of course I do,” Qi said, and he meant it. He simply knew that they were in no danger. If they were, he would be worried. As much as he hated to admit it, he was worried about them more than he really should.
Qi stumbled out of the mess on the floor. His eyes darted around the room for something, anything to do. Anything to distract him from the thoughts he worked so hard to keep himself from thinking. But it was too late. At every turn, around every corner, the builder was there, lurking in every fold of his mind. They had entangled themselves in every aspect of his life, and now they were gone.
Qi felt a dull ache growing from his chest, blooming outwards from his heart. His breath started to shake as tears rolled off his chin and onto the floor. He pressed his hands against his mouth, trying to muffle the sobs that racked him. No one could hear him like this.
He had to get out of here. No one could see him like this. He burst out of the research center into the dark of night. At least no one would be out and about at this time. Keeping his eyes firmly on the ground, he set off for the only place he knew.
The workshop was silent. Machines collecting sand and dust, sleeping farm animals, and a dark, empty house. Qi opened the door to the lonely husk of his home. No wonderful sounds or smells from the kitchen. No one to ask about his day. Grim shadows cast across the photographs of the two of them on the walls, dulling the smiles on their faces. Only the builder could get Qi to smile for a picture. Or at all, really.
He slipped his shoes off and dragged himself to the bedroom. He tossed his glasses aside somewhere and collapsed onto the bed—their bed—burying his face deep into the blankets. He breathed in that subtle, soothing scent that was only present when they were close. His tears dampened the covers as he curled himself around them. Perhaps this way he could fool himself into thinking that he was just embracing the builder after a long day’s work.
The ache still wouldn’t go away.
Soft blankets. Tear stains. A fading scent.
…
…
“Director, hope you don’t mind if I step in a moment…”
It was Hugo.
“How you feelin’ these days? When we didn't see ya in the research center, we all got pretty worried…”
…
“Mmm. I know. When I lost Rhonda, no one could get me up neither. Ain’t nobody gonna blame ya for not havin’ the words.”
…
“Even after all these years, it hurts. Sometimes I still wake up in the mornin’ and reach for her.”
…
“It never really disappears. It’ll always sit in your heart, weighin’ it down. Even if it’s jus’ a tiny lil’ pebble.”
…
“But believe me, it does get better. No matter what your head’s tellin’ you, it does. The hurt doesn’t vanish, but…you kinda grow around it. You never fill in the gap, but you build out around it.”
…
“Raisin’ my Heidi…takin’ care of my mama… That was how I managed to do it. Real slowly. Years and years.”
…
“I know you don’t got anyone like that in town at the moment…but we’re Sandrockers. And you’re a Sandrocker too. Sandrockers take care of one another, thick and thin. I’ve seen and heard from everyone in town, and they all wanna do their best to help you get back on your feet.”
…
“I know it’s jus’ words, but I hope I could be a little help. Once you find your voice again, we can talk some more. I know you haven’t really got along with us Church folk since you came here…but we’re all open to you too. Oh, and we ain’t gonna convert ya, don’t you worry.”
…
…
“Spacecase…”
It was Mint.
“I came as soon as I could. Sorry it took me so long. Had a project in Atara that they wouldn’t let me leave.”
…
“Have you had any water yet today? Food?” A clattering of dishes. A sloshing water bottle.
“Here, come on. At least drink a glass of water.” A hand on his back, sitting him up. A thin trickle of water down his dried-out throat.
“...I know you didn’t want to talk to other people in town, but…do you want to talk with me?”
…
A sigh. “I know, it’s hard. Whenever you’re ready, I’ll be here. I promise. I’ll always be here.”
…
“I’m staying in Sandrock for a couple weeks, so I won’t be far. I’ll check up on you every day, okay?”
…
“Ah-ah, no sleep yet. Finish your water. Not leaving ‘til you do.”
…
…
“...Director.”
It was Fang.
“Here for…checkup. Do you…want to…talk?”
…
“...Understand. Hard for me…too.” A hand on his forehead. Head tilted side to side. Fang’s eyes inspecting him.
“No fever, no disease…but malnourished…dehydrated. Muscles may atrophy.”
…
“Your friend…will help for daily things. I’ll…come in…once a week.”
…
“I…can’t help with talk…but I can…listen. When you’re ready.”
…
“I leave…sleeping tea. At least make rest…pleasant. Can brew a cup.” The whistle of a kettle. A grassy, floral scent.
“Do the best…you can.”
…
…
Hot water. Chamomile. Lavender. Lemon balm.
Nothing.
…
Wake up. Repeat.
Hot water. Chamomile. Lavender. Lemon balm.
Nothing.