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It could be said that dreams were a way for the world to show people the visions of the past, present, and future. Soulmates, however, do not dream of the fragments of time. Instead, they dream of their other halves, fragments of who they are and vague impressions they barely remember when they wake up. Soulmates dream of each other from the day they were born until the day they finally found their other half.
To some, it was romantic.
To Xiao, it was a curse.
For as long as he could remember, ever since he reached the age of maturity, he had always dreamt the same thing.
It was always the same dream of purple lightning and a canine beast howling in the darkness, to the point that he could remember every detail of the dream — from the shade of the purple to the silhouette of the howling beast, the markings on the creature, and how it was no monster but a man wearing its image.
The dreams never changed, not for aeons, and Xiao had long given up hope of ever finding his soulmate, always choosing to stay awake for as long as he could just so he would not be treated to the same dream over and over again.
Thousands of years of the same dream again and again… How many times must he see the same scene, to ask the same question every time, before the world finally acknowledged that he had no soulmate?
Alas, death would not stop the other from dreaming of their soulmate until the day they finally found their grave. The world was cruel like that, to offer hope until one realised how their hope died as the dreams will.
If only he could be freed of that as well.
Xiao had searched once before, when he could still soar into the skies with his golden wings. He searched everywhere he could, from the country of his home to the furthest land of Teyvat that touched the borders of the Dark Sea. However, no matter how hard he searched, he could not find his soulmate. And when he returned home to Liyue, he was captured and enslaved, his wings clipped, and he could no longer fly in the open skies. And as if to mock him for his failures, that night when his wings were torn from him, when he fell unconscious to the pain, he dreamt of purple lightning and the cries of a howling beast.
The dream followed him wherever he went. It did not matter if he slept in the day or if he made himself unconscious with a blow to his head. The dream of purple lightning and howlings of the beast would always appear.
He asked the beast before — Who are you? Where are you? What do you want?
But the creature ignored him as it howled while lightning struck all around. Thunder roared, but no words echoed along with it. There was no answer to be heard from the beast, nothing that could lead Xiao to put an end to this insanity, and no clues to be found that could reveal the identity of his soulmate.
Xiao loathed the dreams of his soulmate, hated how he could do nothing to stop them.
He asked Rex Lapis once before if there was a way to sleep without dreams, to be spared one day in the thousands of years from the dreams of his soulmate. However, the Archon looked at him with his eyes full of grief and the face of confusion as he asked the yaksha, “Why would you ask for such a thing?”
Rex Lapis’ grief over his dead soulmate was still fresh in his mind despite a century having come and gone, and he could not understand why Xiao would ask such a question.
Why would you ask for such a thing? Because he was tired. Because he did not want to see the same dream he had seen for thousands of years. Because he had searched. Because he despised hearing the howling beast again and again. Because his soulmate is most likely dead and gone, and the world had yet to tell him so.
However, Xiao chose to remain silent and the question lingered in the air until he left his lord’s side.
It was only after a few thousand years passed that his dreams finally changed.
Xiao had managed to avoid sleep for months until he was forced into the darkness when his body could no longer sustain itself without rest. He expected the crash of purple lightning, the roar of thunder, and the howling beast. However, when he set foot into the realm of dreams, he was greeted with absolute silence. A vast world of white and nothingness. Where was the lightning, the thunder, and the howling beast? What changed and when?
He wandered around in the empty world, both worried and relieved at the disappearance of the creature. He walked onwards, seemingly to nowhere until he found a fog of purple forming the beast he despised.
“Who are you?” he asked but the beast remained silent, its white empty eyes staring into his soul. “Who are you?” he demanded and this time, the beast answered.
It opened its mouth, its sharpened teeth barely visible in its foggy form, and it spoke.
In the next second, Xiao found himself awake in the physical world. He sat up from the crushed grass beneath him as he moved his trembling hands up to his shoulders. There was something amiss in that dream he could barely recall. He remembered a white world filled with nothing. He remembered the beast, fragments of his memories recalling a fuzzy purple shape. He remembered speaking to it, demanding questions that it would never answer.
And yet, he knew that the beast did. But he could not remember what it said, the words itself lost with the last wisps of the dream. What did it say?
Dreams were not easy to remember. They shift like an illusion. Even soulmates could never remember the dreams of their other half every time they slept. However, not even the most forgetful of people could easily forget a dream experienced countless times.
Xiao knew that. He had seen the purple lightning and howling beast so many times that he could still remember the details of it, as if he had experienced it in the physical realm. An answer forgotten was not an answer lost forever.
(What was he desperate for when he had already given up finding his soulmate? Alas, even someone broken like him could still feel hope no matter how small it was.)
He returned to the dream world again, seeking out the beast where he so desperately avoided it before. He asked the same question, always forgetting the answer the beast gave. He went back to it, over and over until one day, Xiao remembered the dream when he woke up.
“Not yet,” it said, its voice grating and hoarse.
“When?” Xiao asked but the beast gave the same answer again.
“Not yet.”
Xiao sought the beast out every time he fell asleep, even when the questions and answers never changed. Days became months, and months became years, but what was a few years or ten compared to the aeons he dreamt for?
Perhaps he had gone insane from seeing the purple lightning and hearing the howling beast with the crashing of thunder over and over. Perhaps this was but a figment of his imagination, creating a scenario that changed when nothing did.
“When?” Xiao asked, pleading the beast for an answer he had not heard before but it would not grant him that.
“Not yet,” it said, the answer unchanged as the previous hundreds and the future thousands.
Years after the beast spoke, the dreams changed again.
The beast was gone, along with the empty white world. Instead, Xiao was walking down a corridor, talking to a friend. The face and form were featureless, the words empty even as the mouth moved. He trusted the friend even when everyone around them disliked what he was. They talked until they had to go their separate ways and Xiao waved his friend goodbye before reaching down to the doorknob. The door opened and he stepped into the void before waking up on his bed with a gasp.
What was that dream? It seemed more like a memory than a dream and it was of someone else’s, not one of his own. If not him then who? Then again, who else could the memory belong to but his soulmate?
Xiao forced down the urge to laugh out loud. He did not want to give in to insanity but his fury had cycled back to cynical and he was too tired to react to it. Because of course his soulmate was human. Because of course the only people who became close to him ended up dying before he would. Because of course everything would end up being taken away from him.
(Yet, he blamed himself instead of the world.)
It was just another thing to dislike, like the dreams of the howling beast. Just another thing he had to endure and suffer through.
The next time he dreamt, he was walking down the corridor but he could not help but overhear the whispers from the other students. Xiao could not hear what they said, but he could feel the disdain from their wordless tone.
Why do they hate him for how he looked? Why do they dislike him because he was different from them? Why do they see him as beneath them when they were equals?
When Xiao opened his eyes to dawn’s light and the bitter taste of a lingering memory from a dream sitting on his tongue. He forced himself to breathe to chase away the foreign loneliness that settled in his heart. He breathed, in and out, until he could no longer feel it weighing down on him.
“I don’t hate you,” he said to his soulmate who could not hear him. “I despise the dreams, the memory, the lightning, the beast… but I don’t hate you.”
Xiao found himself returning to his dreams, purposefully seeking out the memories of his soulmate only found in that realm. He used to dislike his dreams when they remained unchanged in those years before. But now? Now it was a dangerous temptation… and he was falling for it every time.
Maybe he was seeking out something different in his life that had remained mostly unyielding to time. Maybe he wanted to know who his soulmate was after making him wait for thousands of years.
…Or maybe he wanted a way to find them so he could permanently sever the ties between them.
He did not need his soulmate. He never needed them since the first time he dreamt of their connection with him. He had lived and suffered, endured and toiled without ever finding his soulmate.
The next time he dreamt of his soulmate’s memory, he was walking in the rain to an unknown destination. He ignored the pain from his aching muscles and the cold from the storm above. He could not afford to stop and rest right now. He needed to be better than everyone. He had to prove his worth for the title passed down to him.
He had to prove that he was worthed the life saved.
When Xiao woke up, he remained lying where he was. His hand reached up to wipe away the single tear that fell before forcing himself to sit up. He leaned forward, pulling his knees together and hugged them.
Who was his soulmate trying to prove his worth to?
Xiao remembered when Rex Lapis saved him from his cruel master. He was given freedom and a name, and all his lord asked for was for him to be his blade. Not once was he treated unkindly in the time he served Rex Lapis. He fought hard in the rest of the Archon War. And even now, he still wielded his blade for his lord. Xiao wanted to prove his worth to Rex Lapis, that his lord would not come to regret saving his miserable existence.
Truly, even when they were two completely different people, their lives were a reflection of each other. In the eyes of others, they were the perfect soulmates.
But to Xiao, it was not a good thing.
He knew what his life was like before and to have someone who would walk a similar path in their life was not something he wished upon anyone. It was because he experienced it before, that was why he wished they were not soulmates.
Xiao returned to the realm of dreams again and again to watch the snippets of his soulmate’s memories, praying for a clue to find them.
He dreamt of walking through endless corridors, walking to an unknown destination with confidence. He dreamt of walking through fauna and sand, how the land felt different barefooted, but when he woke up, he could not remember the scenery in the dreams. He dreamt of how he begged his mentor to let him leave his country to find his soulmate, but the mentor refused to let him go, the reasons lost with the dream when he returned to the waking world.
All he could gather about his soulmate was that he was human and a graduate from a school somewhere in Teyvat. His soulmate held an important position but he did not know the title.
He knew so little of his soulmate. How was he to restart his search again? How was he to bring himself to hope again?
In the end, it was his soulmate who came to him instead.
He found his soulmate when he was patrolling Guili Plains. He stumbled upon the man by accident when he found him fighting a Ruin Guard by himself. Just as Xiao was about to step in, the man changed and became the howling beast from his dreams. The yaksha halted in his tracks as he watched the beast, who tormented him for so long, tore the machine apart. He continued to watch the man even after the Ruin Guard was destroyed.
Xiao only left when the man walked away. He teleported to the top of Wangshu Inn and lowered himself down onto the roof. He pulled his legs together and leaned his head on top of his knees. After so many years, he finally found his soulmate but what now? What should he do now? Confront him? Seek him out to sever their bonds?
Would his soulmate even want that?
The next time Xiao found his soulmate again, he was accompanied by a child and was staying in Wangshu Inn. His soulmate was so close, only a few floors down from where he stood on the roof but Xiao lacked the courage to seek the man out. Slaying an army of demons was considerably easier than confronting his soulmate.
Then why was he standing in front of the door to his room?
“Who are you?”
Xiao turned around, surprised to find his soulmate standing behind him. Was he so distracted in his dilemma that he lowered his guard?
“I asked you a question. Wait, that mask…”
Not a second later, Xiao was gone.
The yaksha found himself in the bamboo forest near Qingce Village. He sat down and leaned against the sturdy bamboo, hugging himself to keep him grounded. He was angry at his cowardly display, anxious at what his soulmate thought of him, and fearful of… of what? The soulmate, the dreams full of torment, or the beast he could never forget?
Xiao stayed away from Wangshu Inn for weeks just in case his soulmate was still there. However, it did not matter when he found the man near the Chasm fighting a large group of Abyss Mages. The man was struggling to fight off the mages but instead of retreating, he donned the face of the beast and struck back. Xiao watched the battle until he could no longer and stepped in. His spear found the back of the first Abyss Mage, breaking through the shield and killing it instantly.
His soulmate briefly acknowledged his presence before returning to the battle and with Xiao’s help, the battle was quickly won. The rest of the Abyss Mages fled once they realised they could not win, leaving their dead brethren scattered around the feet of the two soulmates.
“Thank you,” the man said as the beast faded away from his body.
Xiao nodded once, his tongue ladened in his mouth and his heart beating loudly in his chest.
“Can we talk?” he asked and Xiao considered the question.
They needed to talk. Xiao had so many things he wanted to say to his soulmate but at the same time, there was nothing to say anymore. All the words he wanted to say died with the hope he once held.
“Please?” the man begged and Xiao gave in.
They found a secluded place, far from any wandering monsters, where they could talk safely. The man introduced himself as Cyno and Xiao gave his name in return. Cyno told the yaksha about the dreams he had ever since he became of age. He dreamt of a dark green mask, the same mask Xiao carried over his hip. He dreamt of his soulmate’s pain and suffering, thousands of years condensed into mere days and months of nightmares. Even then, he had not seen everything that Xiao experienced.
“At first, I blamed you for the nightmares. I hated that mask so much. I barely slept because I kept waking up screaming. But then I realised you never asked to be tormented. You never asked to be hurt, you never asked to be enslaved. You’ve suffered… is still suffering. I stopped hating you after I realised that and I wanted to find you as soon as I could but it still took me a few years. Sorry.”
Xiao remained silent, unable to find the words he wanted to say. Cyno patiently waited until the yaksha eventually opened his mouth to speak.
“I tried to find you once thousands of years ago but I never found you. I was captured and enslaved when I returned. I lost my wings that day.”
“I’m sorry.”
“I dreamt of purple lightning and a howling beast. Countless dreams and nothing changed. I begged for an answer but the beast never spoke to me. I asked if there was a way to stop dreaming but there was none. I tried not to sleep so I would not dream but it would claim me in the end regardless of what I did. I hated that dream. I despised that beast.”
“I’m sorry.”
“I gave up ever finding you. I stopped hoping that we would ever meet. I did not want a soulmate.”
“I’m sorry.”
“But now…” Xiao said, letting his words trailed off as he closed his eyes. “Why won’t you hate me? Why can’t I bring myself to hate you?”
Silence fell between the two and Xiao opened his eyes to a face full of regret, sadness, sorrow, and anguish.
“Is it too late for the both of us?” Cyno asked and Xiao looked away.
“It would have been easier if we were not soulmates,” he said instead.
“Is it too late to give it a chance?”
Xiao wanted to say yes. Yes, it was too late. Yes, there was never any hope for a love between a human and an immortal. Yes, their fates were sealed the moment Xiao gave up searching for his soulmate.
Instead, he said, “No.”
No, because they did eventually find each other. No, because this was only the beginning. No, because they saw and understood each other. No, because Cyno never gave up searching for his soulmate.
“It’s not too late for the both of us,” Xiao said and Cyno smiled at that.
“Thank you for giving both of us a chance. My name is Cyno, I am your soulmate and I’m glad to have finally found you.”
“I am Xiao, your soulmate. Thank you for finally finding me.”