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Button House is quieter than he remembered it being. He knows every tree, every brick in these walls, every reed and leaf and flower. Time has passed, ravaging the land that he once loved, but it's still the home that he recalled.
He has not been told where to go, but he knows the way. There was no graveyard available, no land that would take him. This place, the house where his heart belongs, is the final resting place of the only man he ever loved.
The dirt is uneven, a mound shaded by the summer branches. Grass grows only sparsely on the hump, as if even nature doesn't dare to thrive there. The only marker is a small wooden cross, lopsided in the rocky ground.
Here lies Captain Theodore Johnson. There is no other epitaph, no other sign of the life he lived, the man he was. There is no record of his sharp blue eyes, of his quicksilver mind and warm soul. All he is now is a name on a piece of wood, forgotten by the world.
He removes a pen from his pocket with shaking hands. He kneels, fighting back the sting of tears in his eyes. He needs to do this.
Here lies Captain Theodore Johnson, beloved husband and good man.
They may not have been married in life, but he had always considered his Captain to be his husband. "Till death do us part, Teddy."
He sinks to the ground next to the grave, loosing a tight breath. Now Teddy is gone, he loves him all the more, his empty heart reaching out hands for something it will never grasp. He was the better half of his soul, his guiding star, his compass home after all those years on the front.
"We made a promise, Teddy." His voice is hoarse. He sounds like a man double his age. "I promised I would always come home to you. It never occurred to me that you wouldn't be there to greet me."
He skims a hand across the dirt, imagining he can feel the steady rise and fall of the chest beneath. There are no flowers, no memorial gifts left for him. He pulls a patch of clover from the grass, barely suppressing a sob as he lays it gently by where Teddy's head must rest.
"Why did you leave me? You were supposed to be my forever. Goddamn it, Teddy, I wanted to grow old with you."
He touches his head to the grass, turning on his side so he lies next to Teddy like he always did in life. "Make me one more promise. Promise me wherever you are, you won't forget me. Please."
There is no response. "Promise me, Teddy. Please, just promise me this one thing. Swear it."
A faint breeze ruffles the branches, and he sighs. "The war was no fun. I should have stayed. I can't help but think this is my fault - that I lost you because I left."
The silence thickens, clogging in his lungs. His cheeks sting with salt, slick from tears he didn't realise were falling. His heart beats a solitary tune, half a melody where there once was a soaring orchestra.
He is half a man, a walking shadow, a windswept puff of smoke carried on a wartorn breeze. He is nothing without his love, without his soulmate. All he feels now is a crushing emptiness, a hollow cavern which was once filled with light.
"I had all these plans, you know. For after the war. I was going to tell you every silly story, every success and pain and injury, and we would laugh about it, and then - and then -"
His voice breaks. "And then we would go off somewhere together, somewhere where we could live free of suspicion, and we would spend eternity in each other's arms. We might have had chickens, maybe a dog. Maybe we would have had nothing at all, but we would have been happy. We would have been happy, Teddy."
The tears start to flow in ernest now, racking his body with shivers and leaving him gasping for breath, a man drowning in an endless sea. He cries until he has rung himself dry, until his shaking sobs carry him off on the tides of sleep, side by side with his Captain once more.
He does not feel the touch of a ghostly hand on his shoulder, does not hear the words repeated over and over again like a mantra.
I am here. I promise.