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“Are you sure it’s okay if I come?” Steve asked. They were sprawled out on his bed with a warm summer breeze coming in the window. He lazily messed with Eddie’s hair.
“Hrm?” Eddie stretched, he’d been half dozing. “On my trip to finally buy a strap on? Yeah, I want you with me… for a few reasons. This is part of my life that I want you to see more of. I know it’s driving you nuts that I wouldn’t let you help pay but, it’s hard to explain.”
“It’s not driving me nuts, it just… feels shitty to see you work so hard for a few bucks here and there when it’s easier for me, and I can always get money from somewhere in a pinch. I get you wanting to cover this on your own, at least a little.”
“You say your parents cut you off, but there seem to be about a million loop holes.” Eddie reached up and poked him.
“They can’t have a Harrington walking around in a worn-out polo shirt can they? It still feels weird that the amount I can skim from my clothing allowance is about the same as two paychecks.”
“Yeah, it’s unfair as fuck, but I’d feel weird accepting help for this even if I’m doing yard work and you just need to claim you lost a cuff link or whatever else a proper Harrington child needs.” Eddie rolled towards him. “I’m glad you’re coming, if I freak out or feel like I shouldn’t be there, I’ve got a guy who feels at home in every commercial establishment. From thrift stores to fucking Tiffany’s, it’s doesn’t even occur to you that you might not belong.”
“Why wouldn’t you feel like you don’t belong? Isn’t this a shop for trans people?”
“It’s a sex shop that also carries a lot of stuff for trans people. They don’t put packers or binders out on the shelves. You need to ask very specifically for them. People shop there on the regular and don’t even know what else they keep in the back. They have a whole room for dildos and straps on, though. They don’t check your gender if you want one. So, you get all sorts there. The first time I went there, someone tried really hard to pick me up.”
“Wait seriously? That’s messed up.”
“These places want to be safe, and I hear the owners are good people, but we all live in the real world and they can’t restrict who they sell to or who is let in. They want to be open an encouraging to alternative gender expression for everyone, and I love that idea… in theory. I’m going to feel better with you there. I just don’t want you paying for it or giving me any unsolicited advice on what dick to pick.”
“Listen, if your eyes are bigger than my mouth… I wont say anything but I may make alarming sounds.”
Eddie laughed. “Maybe I do want to go huge, inspired by your monster.” Eddie rolled on top of Steve, who let himself be pushed back on the bed. Eddie slid down his body and kissed his zipper. “When I called you big boy, I had no idea the rumors were so very, very true.”
“Oh god, I… okay.”
Eddie nuzzled the seam of his jeans and breathed deep, smelling him through the denim. Then, he lifted his head. “Hey, were you serious just now?”
Steve blinked. He’d thought the conversation was over and his brain had started to turn off when Eddie nuzzled his jeans. “Which part?”
“That you’d suck me, or, I mean, my strap on?” Eddie settled over his hips, a warm weight.
“I don’t see why not? Would you really get something out of that, or would it just be fun?” He liked the idea of Eddie’s hand cupping the back of his head, pushing into his mouth. The idea was hot, but he didn’t know how it would be in practice.
“I don’t know. I’ve heard some people say it can feel amazing, especially if the base pushes on you right. I’ve heard other people say it does nothing, or that leaved them feeling weirdly empty. I don’t have any experience myself, so I don’t know how I’d feel. It’s possible I just spent weeks doing whatever shit job I could get and this isn’t really going to do much for me. But, that’s part of the process I guess, figuring out how gender and sex work for me… or don’t work.”
“Once you’ve got it, I’m here to help you explore. I will spend as many hours naked with you as it takes.”
“You’re a saint.”
Eddie lunged over him and kissed him hard. Steve wrapped his arms around his lower back and squeezed. He was half hard already and loved the feeling of Eddie’s weight on his body. Just then they heard a clatter from downstairs.
“Goddam, are the little shits early?” Eddie growled.
“No, I think we lost track of time. I did, at least.” Steve loved getting time alone with Eddie. Between work and their friends, juggling all of it got hard sometimes. At least their had their day trip up north in a few days.
A few days later, they were finally in Michigan. Steve was next to his car, outside The Garden of Seven Pleasures. Eddie had run into the grocery store down the street to use their bathroom and Steve stayed outside to stretch, glad to be out of his car and in the sunshine. Then someone walked up close behind him, but it wasn’t Eddie. He turned expecting it to be someone else he knew. The man had come within an inch of him on a wide, uncrowded sidewalk. He leapt back when he didn’t recognize him. He was about to make some joke about mistaken identities when the man said “You onna them? I can pay. I pay good. I know your kind always need money.”
“I don’t know what the fuck you are on, but get the hell away from me.” He stood up straight and glared.
“You playing hard to get? Or have you just not given in yet? Not like any place’ll hire your kind. You have to take what’s offered, you sweet little boy-girl.”
Steve didn’t know quite what he was getting at, but he was putting the pieces together. He narrowed his eyes and called up years of smug assholery. Certain expression and inflections came back all too easily. He said in a calm, unstressed voice, “Get away from me or I will break your jaw. My family lawyers will make sure you are found at fault and take you to the cleaners.”
The man laughed at him.
Steve flipped the keychain in his hand, making the BMW logo clear. He slightly leaned towards the very expensive car he drove and let the man realize it was his. The man’s demeanor quickly changed from leering to casual.
“Hey, I was just trying to be friendly. I like to help out new ones, you see.”
“Go.”
The man smiled and nodded like they’d just finished a pleasant conversation and wandered off. Steve felt even more alarmed that the man slipped into an act like that had been a casual talk between friends. No one was watching, that that Steve could see at least. He must be in the area a lot and always real careful of how people see him. The guy was pure slime. He watched as the guy walked around a corner. The man felt like a predator and Steve wasn’t sure what he could do about it. He stood there, eyes scanning the area for any other threats as Eddie walked back.
“Hey,” Eddie’s voice was soft. “Everything okay?”
Steve turned to look at him. “A real slimeball tried to… I think he was trying to pay me for sex? Wasn’t taking no for an answer until he realized the beemer was mine.”
“Did he touch you?”
“No, I’m fine. That guy’s attitude, though, that tone and entitlement, freaked me out more that what he said.”
“He’s probably a chaser. Some people are kind of obsessed with people like me. He might have thought you were new in town, and nervous about going into the store. A perfect mark.”
“Eddie-”
“I’m glad you came with me. I feel safe, with you here.”
Steve nodded stiffly. Eddie didn’t want to talk about it, whatever he’d been through. He wasn’t going to press. He still felt on high alert. “Okay, just… can we grab a coffee or something before going in the store? I kinda need a sec.”
“Yeah, there’s a place not far from here. I’ve drank a lot of tea there trying to get the courage to walk into Seven Pleasures.” Eddie squeezed his arm gently to help ground him.
“Tea?”
“Black tea is thirty five cents there. Coffee starts at twice as much. Cheap way to have a spot to chill for a bit.”
Steve gestured for him to lead the way, and Eddie started down back towards the main road. Just before they turned onto the street where there were a lot more people, Eddie put up a hand. Steve stopped.
“When I said I wanted you to see more of this side of my life I didn’t mean... that. I know you’d pick up on some things about what it’s like for me, but I really didn’t want it to be that.” Eddie didn’t look up as he spoke.
“I know. I’m sorry. Listen, I’m not going to press, especially not today. This is important. You’ve been working your ass off for this. Some other day, if you want to talk, I’m here.” He wanted to press. He wanted to know if that particular slimeball had ever crossed Eddie’s path, and if not which ones had.
“Thanks.” Eddie still looked down, but leaned in for a second so Steve could feel Eddie’s shoulder pressed against him, a fleeting bit of affection.
“C’mon, let’s get some coffee and relax so we can do your shopping in a good mood. I need to stop thinking about the fact that I’ve got a nail bat in my car. Honestly, I didn’t even get some of what he said to me? I just hate the idea of him walking around these streets.”
Eddie hugged him, a surprising move in public, even if they were still mostly out of sight. Steve just held him. Steve stroked his back slowly and enjoyed the burst of affection. He had a sense that something about his reaction made Eddie feel safer, or seen or something.
When Eddie let go he said, “C’mon, I’ll let you buy me a chocolate croissant at the coffee shop. I’ve always eyed the pastries, but never had one.”
They walked out onto the main street and saw Doorstopper Coffee across the way. It took up the first floor of a squat triangle shaped building, filling space made by a diagonal road cutting through the area. Steve wished for the millionth time that they could hold hands as they crossed the street. They walked in and saw that both long sides of the place had counters and stools against them. There were only a few actual tables due to the layout. The coffee shop was decorated in browns and creams, with a few plants here and there that looked like they’d been in the same spot for years, reaching for the sun or settling into the counter.
Steve walked up to order for them.
“Want coffee this time?” Steve said.
Eddie shook his head. “I’ve always had tea here. It’s familiar.”
From the look the cashier gave over his shoulder when he paid, he had a feeling she recognized Eddie and was pleased to see him here again. Eddie hadn’t come here often, but he definitely stood out. Maybe she recognized him from the news stories, but Steve didn’t think so. It seemed to be a familiar and warm sort of look, but maybe that was wishful thinking on Steve’s part. Eddie was right, Steve was very used to be welcomed pretty much everywhere and Eddie’s experience was the opposite. Maybe this place felt friendly because Steve expected places to be friendly.
When their order was up, Eddie added two packets of sugar and as much cream as the cup could hold.
“Does that still count as tea?” Steve asked.
“Whatever it is, it’s good and keeps me going. It was probably shitty of me to spend hours here and trying to make a meal out of thirty five cents. They never seemed to mind, though.”
They took seats at the counter. Eddie relaxed a bit with the first sip of the sugary mix. Steve wondered how often he’d sat here with tea before heading over to Seven Pleasures.
Eddie bit the edge of his croissant and made a happy sound. Once he’d swallowed he said “I’ve wanted one of these for years and it was worth the wait. It’s crispy and loaded with chocolate. The chocolate isn’t hard, it’s soft and just melts.”
Steve took a bite. Eddie was right, the layers were crisp, buttery. Everything about the flavor and texture was perfect.
Steve launched into a list of complaints about shit Dustin had done recently, a sure way to get them focused on a topic and not thinking about earlier. He knew Eddie would laugh at his complaints. By the time Eddie had eaten every crumb, their mood matched the sunny day again. As they left, Steve noticed that the shop sold T shirts with the store’s logo, cream on dark brown cotton. Steve made a mental note of the shirts as a possibility for an anniversary gift or something. The place seemed to mean something to Eddie, but he acted allergic to wearing earth tones unless it was a shirt he’d stolen from Steve. Maybe he could buy a shirt for himself and let Eddie steal it as a pajama top. He grabbed a flyer and stuffed it in his jacket pocket, just in case.
On the way out, Eddie did a quick detour to shove something in the tip jar. He had a warm smile when he walked out. They walked side by side back to the store.
“I’m surprised this shop is so far from downtown, pretty much in the suburbs,” Steve said.
“Yeah, rent’s way cheaper I guess. A lot of niche shops you’d think could only be in like downtown Chicago are sometimes in little towns or the middle of nowhere. The big comic shop the girls made me drive them to is in some building out on a county route, middle of nowhere, and the parking lot was dirt. Must be cheap as shit and they get business from three different towns.”
“It’s my fault you had to drive them. I turned Max down and she asked how to blackmail you into doing stuff. I told her you’d give in, all she had to do was seem excited about nerd shit.”
“Really? To get Max and El off your back you made them my problem?”
Steve snorted. “You love helping out little nerdlings. I’d have been bored. You enjoyed every minute of it.”
“Maybe.” He tried to sound as grumpy as possible.
“So, why is this place called The Garden of Seven Pleasures?” Steve looked at the old house that had been converted into a shop. Visa and Mastercard logos were stuck in the front porch window.
“Whatever you do, don’t ask unless you want to hear a long mishmash of Hinduism with Kabbalah thrown in… and probably a few other traditions.”
“New age shit?”
“Yeah, pretty much.”
Despite the sign and the credit card stickers opening the wooden door still felt a bit odd, like there were barging into someone’s house. Bells attached to the door jangled a bit as they opened and shoved it shut. The interior was painted a pale pink. Beeswax candles burned all around the shop so the honeyed smell would somewhat cover the scents of lube, silicone and rubber. A Consumer Reports article with ratings of all major condom brands and styles was decoupaged onto a wall. The shelves were filled with books, candles and crystals. The shopkeeper was nowhere in sight.
Eddie beelined for a beaded curtain across the way. Through it was a very different room. The wall, shelves and floor were all painted matte black to set a mood, but it mostly made it hard to see. Dildos, strap ons and harnesses sat on the shelves. A few copies of books like Anal Pleasure & Health sat on the windowsill, the covers of a few curling like they’d been there a while. Steve widened his eyes when he realized some of the dildos were stainless steel and really hoped that wasn’t what Eddie was after.
“Don’t worry,” Eddie said in his ear, “not everything should be metal. Don’t tell anyone I said that.”
“Oh, thank god…” Steve said.
Eddie was pretty sure what he wanted to buy, but he went over to look at and feel the various styles, sizes and colors anyway. To give him some space to make his choice, Steve looked at the opposite wall where the harnesses where. One of them was black leather joined with metal rings, and a few silver studs decorating the sides.
“Damn,” Steve said as he picked it up. He wanted to see Eddie in it. He’d look amazing.
“Yeah, all I can afford right now is one with nylon straps. I’d love that someday, handcrafted leather sounds so much nicer than, well, basically plastic. A local guy makes those and it’d be cool to support someone in the community.”
Steve nodded. The harness wasn’t a strap on, so maybe offering to buy it wouldn’t be out of bounds? No, better to not push even if Eddie fucking deserved that harness.
Just then an aging hippy in a pastel tie dyed tunic burst in and offered to help them with anything or recommend how-to manuals. It was very disconcerting to have her there babbling on about how to use the items, even if this was her shop. This felt too personal to have someone here who wanted to spout facts about lube compatibility. Steve stepped in and asked her all sorts of questions, again to give Eddie space rather than out of any real interest in what she was saying. He steered her as far from Eddie as he casually could. Somehow, the conversation turned to using crystals to open chakras. He didn’t even know how that detour happened but pretended to find it very enlightening, not that he had a clue what a chakra was or why he’d want to open one.
“I’m all set,” Eddie said at long last. Whatever he’d picked out was hard to see as it was tucked into his crossed arms with the harness on top. Steve knew how Eddie felt like his packer was part of him. Now that he’d chosen a specific strap on to be his, he probably felt weird about anyone casually looking at it. Steve steered the shopkeeper to the cash register and then just went outside. He’d see what Eddie had chosen privately rather than on a store counter. That felt right somehow.
Eddie was grinning but also somewhat embarrassed when he left the store. His bag was half tucked under his coat.
“Hey, Sexy,” Steve said. “Let’s get home, because either you’ve got something in your pocket or you’re glad to see me.”
Eddie groaned. “How the hell do I put up with you?” He bounced down the stairs.
They hurried to Steve’s car. Eddie sprawled in the passenger seat with his bag hugged tight to his chest.
“I’ve got so many emotions swirling in my head right now it feels like a blur.”
“Good ones?”
“You and your complicated fucking questions. Mostly good but also a few different types of stress just sort of got released and I am… relieved but also still waiting for some of the stress residue to go away. Does that make sense?”
“I think so?” Steve stole a glance over at Eddie to see his wide grin.
He knew he didn’t fully understand everything, but he knew this was a big deal for Eddie. Eddie had wanted this for years and the way he talked about it almost sounded like getting his first was a milestone. He could feel Eddie’s excitement and happiness bubbling over, even if it was mixed with a dozen other emotions, some painful and some bitter. He let Eddie hum happily and just sort through everything going on in his mind on the drive back.
The Munsons had been relocated to a farmhouse a bit outside of town. At first they hadn’t know what to do with such a big space, but they quickly got used to both of them having private bedrooms and bathrooms.
They ran upstairs to Eddie’s bedroom. Eddie sat down on his bed, one of the few pieces of furniture he’d gotten. It had a mess of blankets and pillows on top and spilling over the sides. The box spring sat directly on the floor.
“Do you want to see?” Eddie said, suddenly a bit shy again. He held the bag up.
“Yeah but, shouldn’t I see it on you? Like, the first time I see your… I want to unzip you and see it.”
Eddie’s eyes widened. “Yeah, yeah, that sounds a lot better. Might go with pajama pants instead of jeans, it’s pretty stiff.”
“Yeah, jeans can suck when you’re hard.” Steve walked to the window, again giving Eddie some privacy. He heard Eddie laugh.
“Might take a minute to get the harness fitted to me.”
“Take your time, or ask if you need help.”
After a bit, Eddie came up behind him and hugged him. He felt the erection against his ass and he pushed back into it. Eddie made a soft sound of pleasure and they just humped like that for a minute. Eddie backed off to lead Steve to the bed. He looked down and saw the bulge in Eddie’s pants. It looked hot. As soon as they were laying down, Steve reached down to cup Eddie, who ground into his hand. His gasps and moans seemed a bit different then usual, breathier perhaps?
“Hey, this good?” He asked.
“Fuck… god this is better than I expected. Jesus… Steve…”
Steve leaned over and kissed him. He licked into his mouth and felt his moans. Stroking Eddie felt good. Pleasuring him always felt good and this was a new way to do that. He wanted to find every way to make Eddie feel good, to moan and to tremble.
Eddie dug his heels into the mattress and rolled his hips. “God, just a little…”
“Close? I haven’t even undressed you yet.”
Eddie swore as Steve moved his hand to push down Eddie’s pants. His strap… his cock was similar in skin tone to him. He was long and not terribly girthy. It suited him.
“There you are…” Steve said. He reached behind him quickly for some lube and spread it over Eddie’s cock and started to stroke him in earnest. Eddie angled his hips and pushed on Steve’s hand to change the direction of the pressure.
“Like this?” Steve said.
A broken sounding moan spilled out of Eddie. He felt him tremble and squirm against him. This was really working for Eddie. He stroked just a little bit faster and Eddie’s back arched and he cried out. Steve stroked him through the orgasm, pressing gentle kisses to his cheek and jawline.
A long shaky sound escaped Eddie. Steve gently gathered him up and held him. Eddie pushed his face into Steve’s chest. A few orgasm aftershocks rolled through him. He wanted to feel proud at rocking Eddie’s world, but he knew this was more from emotional release of the day and finally having his strap on was a personal victory for him.
Eventually Eddie nuzzled close to his ear and said “Thank you… god, you’re so fucking good.”
“I’d like to take credit, but I think this really works for you.” He pushed gently on Eddie’s strap on and Eddie twitched. Yeah, Steve liked having a new way, maybe several new ways, to make Eddie feel good.
Eddie hummed, a happy, buzzy sound. “That’s good, yeah. But how you treat me, how you see me, that’s what really works for me.”
Eddie melted into a post-orgasmic puddle against him. He seemed more lost in the afterglow than he usually was, like he was able to let go and just relax into the feeling more.
Steve shifted his hip, pressing his own erection into Eddie’s side. They’d had sex enough to be able to read each other’s bodies a bit. Steve wasn’t asking for reciprocation yet. He was content to let Eddie ride out this feeling. He liked to draw this part out when he could. But he was hard and wanted to stay in that happy, aroused state and needed the pressure and occasional lazy hip thrusts. Eddie falling apart so fast had been hot. If he’d lasted a bit longer Steve’s need might be urgent instead of just sweet. He kissed his lips very gently and nuzzled his jawline. Eddie made a sound that wasn’t quite a laugh, he was too lost in bliss to actually make the sound. He loved this, taking his time and drawing out intimacy.
Steve settled into his own thoughts. He’d fallen pretty hard for Eddie. They’d only been together a few months and he was already keeping an eye out for anniversary gifts. He had that flyer safely tucked into his wallet just in case he decided on the shirt. There was a lot about Eddie’s life he was still just learning about, but he was glad to have today and get a chance to see more of him.