Chapter Text
JESSICA
TLOU FANFICTION
FELIX MARLOWE-CAIN
ONE - NEVER JESS OR JESSIE
Twenty-year-old rock blasted from the CD player. I tapped my fingers against the steering wheel and sang with the vocalist as she crooned about the petty problems of love in easier days. The sky was clear and blue against a grand horizon. The light of a low-hanging sun hit rusting cars that littered the long highway. I weaved my navy pickup truck in and out of them, following a specific and well-worn route until I came to a turn blocked off by an eighteen-wheeler. I leaned forward, turning down the music before stopping the engine.
Golden eyes scanned the area carefully, but, as always, it was deserted. Slipping out of the truck, I pulled my vest down over dark jeans and slung on my leather jacket. Grabbing a heavy duffle bag from the bed, I strode around the larger vehicle and into the cluttered parking lot for a strip of abandoned stores.
Movement caught my eye. I stopped short and ducked behind the nearest car. My every nerve hummed as adrenaline rushed to my gut. I shouldered the bag and took the revolver from my belt. Infected? No… I could hear the murmur of voices. Raiders then?
I peeked over the bonnet, brow furrowing. If they were raiders, there weren’t many of them. Slowly and as silently as I was able, I inched closer.
Musty windows were smashed in. Whatever the shop had once sold was looted long ago. It was little more than bare bones now. But two figures were rummaging through the rubble as though they hoped to find something. Did they know about the drop-off? My frown deepened as I took in their silhouettes. A man and a teenage girl. They were arguing… distracted as they combed the ruin. I waited until they turned their backs to the door, then silently stepped up behind them. I took aim at the silver and black hair on the back of the man’s head and waited for them to see me. They were so deep into their disagreement that it took several seconds before the girl finally noticed.
She threw up her empty hands in surrender, the jerking movement attracting her companion's attention. He froze with his back to me, his hand inching towards the gun on his belt.
“Drop your weapons. Turn around very slowly.”
For a fraction of a moment, he hesitated.
“Drop. Them.”
Grudgingly, he shrugged the rifle off his shoulder, lowering it to the floor before reaching for his sidearm and knife. All clattered as they were dropped.
“Turn…” I reminded him.
He rose from his crouch and rotated, moving slowly as I’d originally commanded. Deep, dark eyes sharp with dangerous ferocity scowled at me from a weathered face…
My stomach lurched. Heat rushed towards my gut, but I ignored it in favour of staring him down, daring him even to twitch. He was already calculating. How fast was I compared to him? Could he rush me before I could fire? Could he take me down if he did? His eyes looked me over, noting the firm athleticism of my toned body warily.
I took a measured step towards him. “Back up.”
He did, but he swerved to the right as he moved, placing himself firmly between me and the girl.
She was much younger than him. She was younger than me. Dark hair was pulled into a ponytail. Her brown eyes were locked in my direction. Her hands were still raised in surrender.
“Your Daddy needs to keep a better watch on his surroundings.”
“He’s not my dad,” she blurted defensively.
I arched a quizzical brow. No? An older man with a teenage girl that wasn’t his? I looked him up and down with mounting distrust.
“It’s not what you’re thinkin’.” There was an accent on his voice that the girl didn’t have. Southern, I recognised.
“Really?” I snarled. “And what am I thinking?”
He was silent for a long moment, not wanting to be the one to put words to it. “I’m just escorting her through,” he tried. “We don’t want trouble.”
“Where are you ‘escorting’ her to?”
He hesitated a moment. “Wyoming.”
I kept my eyes locked on him but raised my voice a fraction. “You want to go to Wyoming, kid?”
She glanced at him, then shrugged. “Yeah.”
Tearing my eyes from the man, I looked her over, carefully searching for anything out of place, any tell-tale sign that she was hurt or being manipulated somehow. But the girl's eyes were as sharp as his, and she glared at me with impressive defiance… too much for a prisoner. Maybe he was telling the truth? Was that possible? He was obviously protective of her. Unarmed, with a gun at his head, but still putting himself between me and his charge – still willing to take a bullet for her. I doubted a slaver or paedophile would do that.
It was my move.
My arm was getting tired. With a heavy sigh, I lowered my revolver. “What are you doing in here?”
“We’re out of food.” Dropping her hands, the girl glanced over the empty, overturned shelves with dying hope. “We thought we might find something.”
“Kind of a long shot, isn’t it?” I pointed out. “You’d have better luck hunting in the fields outside town.”
“We would, but we’re out of bullets too.”
“Ellie!” The man silenced her with the sharp snap of her name.
I found myself smiling. She was naïve, but that made her honest. Made their story more believable. “Well, you won’t find anything here. We cleared it out decades ago.”
He dared to lower his hands too. “Who’s ‘we’?”
“Refuge.” I holstered my gun and took out one of my hunting knives. “My community.” Spinning it in my hand skilfully, I gestured at them to step back, which they did. “We claimed this territory shortly after outbreak.” Crouching low, I ran the blade along the edges of a specific floor tile. Using the knife as a leaver, I pulled it up to reveal a deep box underneath and traded the bag on my back for the one left inside. Rising to my feet, I knocked the tile back into place, then stamped on it to fix it down. With the job done and the new bag swung onto my back, I paused to give the strays more scrutiny.
I could leave them here. They weren’t my problem. Ellie though? She was just a kid. And now that we’d established that her escort was apparently not a predator – and decent enough to be risking himself for a kid that wasn’t his – well… My stomach gave another treacherously powerful leap. He was easy on the eyes.
Heat was already returning, pooling obnoxiously south of my navel. God damn it! I ran a hand through long, thick locks of rich auburn curls, pulling them back from my analysing gaze. “Refuge does occasionally trade labour for supplies to strays like you,” I told them carefully. “Work a couple of shifts for us, and we’ll get you back on the road fully stocked.”
His brow furrowed in suspicion. “You’re giving us the choice?”
“Sure. I’m not in the habit of killing random people unless they come at me first. Going your own way isn’t much of an option, though. You won’t get through our town without a guide…” I cocked my head and cast him a roguish smile, “…and not just because you’re out of food and bullets.”
Ellie looked to him to make the decision. Bored of waiting, I turned and headed out of the ruined store. As anticipated, I heard them follow.
“Why won’t we get through the town?” Ellie asked boldly. “Are there lots of infected?”
I crossed the large parking lot, leading them towards the eighteen-wheeler blocking the entrance. “Not compared to other places, no. Raiders are a much bigger problem.” I turned to glance at Ellie and let her see the mischief in my smile. “You won’t get through the town because we’ve ‘secured’ it. The closer you get to Refuge, the harder it is to find your way through safely.”
Ellie’s eyes lit up in enthusiasm. “Booby traps?”
My smile broadened at her apparent approval. “Among other things.”
“Cool!”
We exited the main road, and I pointed out my truck. “This way.”
“So, what’s your name?” Ellie asked.
“Jessica.” I slung my bag onto the bed and shot her a fake glare. “Never Jess or Jessie… only Jessica.” I cast her another smile. “Is ‘Ellie’ short for something?”
“Nope.” She glanced at her protector as he drew up beside us and nudged his arm.
He rolled his eyes. “Joel.”
I gave him a polite nod. “Pleasure.” I yanked one of my supply crates close and dug through it. “Alright. Before I take you anywhere near Refuge…” I pulled out the FEDRA device triumphantly. “I need to know you’re clean.” I tried to press it close to Ellie’s neck. She flinched away. “Chill, it doesn’t hurt.” But she stepped back, eyeing the machine like it was a gun I was threatening to shoot her with.
Joel moved closer, his arm coming out to shield Ellie from me. “We’re not infected. You can test me,” he offered.
I narrowed my eyes at him, puzzled. “I’m not taking you to Refuge until I test you both.”
Ellie took another step away, her eyes still fixed on the device. All her youthful ease drained out of her. She was terrified.
Joel tensed up. I could feel him preparing to strike. My stomach dropped as a terrible truth dawned on me.
I drew my revolver and used it to hit Joel over the head as he tried to grab me. The force was enough to knock him back.
“Joel!” Ellie tried to go to him, but I aimed at her head, making her stop in her tracks.
“Don’t!” His hands shot up, imploring. “Don’t kill her.” For the first time, I saw an emotion other than anger or suspicion cloud his deep eyes. For just a second, he pleaded with me. It was just enough to make me pause but not lower my gun.
My heart thundered against my ribs. I had to kill her. She was dead anyway. I scowled at Joel. “She’s infected, and you were gonna let me take her to my home? Into my community? What the hell is wrong with you?”
“She got bit,” he admitted. “But it was weeks ago. I swear.”
“Bullshit.”
“It’s true!” Ellie rolled up the sleeve of her jacket and thrust her arm forward for me to see. “We’re looking for the fireflies. They’re making a cure.”
My eyes flicked down to the flesh she was showing. My brow furrowed. My certainty faltered. What. The. Fuck? For a long moment, I didn’t know what I was looking at. It was so alien it didn’t even register. A bite. Healed over. The tendrils of infection spread along the limb… then stopped. There wasn’t even any redness or inflammation. The skin was a perfect cream colour. It wasn’t possible. It just wasn’t.
I was stuck. My brain had shut down in disbelief. I scrambled for some kind of thought as my heart began a rapid beat. It had to be fake. But why would a girl out in the middle of nowhere be faking infection? Why would anyone fake infection? Then she was lying about when she was bitten? But the wound was well and truly healed over. That didn’t happen overnight.
“You can’t cure cordyceps,” I insisted. “It’s not possible.”
“Maybe,” Joel conceded. “But she is immune.”
Cracking from the radio in my truck interrupted my frantic thinking. Kathy called my name. I sucked in my lower lip and bit at it. My eyes were locked with Ellie’s wide, terrified gaze as I continued to aim the gun at her head. Kathy called for me again. I had to pull the trigger. Right now! I sucked in a shuddering breath. Could I do it? Could I kill this kid? It’d be a while till we reached Refuge. I’d have time to watch her before I let her in. Time to see for myself...
I shook my head and let my arm fall to my side. “I must be outta my mind.” Turning, I strode to the driver’s side door and grabbed the radio from inside the truck. “Hi, Kathy. I’m here. I was just making the fourth drop.”
“Great. No issues?”
“Not with the drop, but I got myself a couple of strays. They’re looking for supplies.”
“Infected?”
I glanced at Joel and Ellie, hesitating one last time. “No. I checked them.”
She had no reason not to trust my word. “Raider?”
“Doubt it. Just a teenage girl and a man.”
Kathy paused for a long moment. “Related?”
“No. But I don’t think it’s dodgy.”
“How old’s the guy?” A tone of curiosity echoed over her voice.
I leaned against the truck, looking over Joel’s intriguing physique with a flirtatious smirk. “He’ll do in a pinch.” Joel glared at me, unamused. “Should I bring them in?”
“Hold a minute, I’ll get clearance from Mama.”
It was a long minute. Ellie kicked at the floor, glancing from me to Joel nervously. He was still watching me like a hawk, his gaze assessing.
“Mama has given clearance,” Kathy finally answered. “You got enough supplies, or do you need a rendezvous?”
“Nah, I’m good. You know Aunty Lang packs enough for an army anyway.”
“OK. We’ll see you tomorrow.”
“Bye, Kathy.” I tossed the radio back into the truck and strolled towards Joel. Dangerous ferocity hung in his glower again. Like a wolf eyeing prey. I stopped a few careful feet back from him. “You can get that thought out of your head right now, mister,” I warned. “Not only would I kick your sorry ass, but you wouldn’t get far in my truck.” I gestured at the vehicle. “It’s rigged. If I don’t answer when they radio me, they’ll send a signal that will blow it sky high.”
“Your truck is booby-trapped?” Ellie was wide-eyed. “That’s so cool!”
I cast her a smile. “We don’t fuck around at Refuge.”
Joel took my warning to heart. His posture relaxed enough that I felt more comfortable closing the space between us. Grabbing my rucksack, I opened the bag and drew out a small plastic box filled with Aunty Lang’s fried meat and vegetables. I gave Ellie another scrutinising look as she eyed the food hungrily, then handed it over along with my fork.
She wolfed it down like she hadn’t seen food in days. Even moaned with pleasure when the taste finally hit her. “This is fucking amazing!”
I handed a second box and my spoon to Joel. “We have the best cook.”
Joel took a few moments longer to inspect what was offered, but ultimately, he dared to try it.
I watched them for a moment as they ate enthusiastically, still trying to figure them out. Ellie was young and sweet. There was an enthusiasm in her I rarely saw. Joel, on the other hand? He'd lived hard and seen more than his fair share. Behind the glowering anger, I saw evidence of smothered fear. Even at rest, he was half wild. Ready to strike at anything that moved.
He looked up from his food and caught me staring at him. His brow furrowed. He gestured towards me with the spoon. “Aren’t you a little young to be out here alone?”
I arched my brow and shot him a defensive look. “I had my gun to your head before you even knew I was there. Do you really think I can’t handle myself?”
“I didn’t mean—” He argued.
“I’m twenty-two,” I told him shortly. “I’m an adult. Same as you.” With a shake of my head, I closed the bed and headed for the driver’s seat. “You coming, or what?”
Ellie happily slid into the back seat. Joel handed her his rifle and rucksack, then got in on the passenger side.
I started up the engine. Music came on, and I pulled back onto the highway. There was an awkward quiet for several eternal minutes.
Ellie finished eating and immediately got bored. She started looking around herself and rummaging through the things I had stored on the back seat. “Hey, you’ve got books.” She leaned towards the footwell behind Joel, where they were stacked, and ran her fingers over the spines. “Dickens. Shakespeare. Bronte. Austen.” She glanced up at me. “You like old English people, huh?”
I smirked and leaned my elbow on the edge of my door. “What can I say? I’m a romantic.”
“Can I read them?”
“Knock yourself out.” I watched in the rear-view mirror as she shuffled through the pile and picked one out. Then I glanced at Joel. “So, how’d you guys end up in my neighbourhood?”
Ellie answered, though her eyes remained on her chosen book. “Bill left us a truck,” she told me. “But we broke down outside Cincinnati and had to leave it. We started walking, but pretty much everywhere was crawling with infected or raiders. We kept away from the cities and towns as much as we could, but we ran out of stuff.”
“You walked from Cincinnati? That’s quite the trip.”
“We started in Boston,” she revealed.
I arched my brow in surprise. “And you just decided to trek across America to find the fireflies?”
“There were circumstances,” Joel grumbled.
“I bet.” I cast him another appraising look. “You’re not from Boston, though. I’m guessing… Texas? Houston?”
He frowned at me. “Austin.”
I smiled triumphantly. “My mother was from New Orleans. We’re practically cousins.”
Joel chose to ignore the comment completely. “If Refuge is in town, why will it take all night to get there?”
My stomach was doing irritating little backflips. The growl in his voice was way more attractive than he had any right being. “I have two more drops to make. Besides, you can only enter safely from the west side. We’ve blocked the other roads in.”
Ellie looked up from her book. “What are ‘drops’?”
“Trade,” I answered. “We leave goods in drop points. Our trade partners come, pick them up and leave their merchandise in exchange. Saves having people get too close.”
She leaned forward. “What does Refuge trade?”
“We have the largest marijuana farm in Indiana,” I bragged with a smirk. “Maybe in North America. Valerian and tobacco are also big exports. Our botanist is damn good. We even supply FEDRA with raw ingredients.” I jerked my head towards the back of the truck. “Hence, having FEDRA equipment.”
“But you’re not FEDRA…” Ellie asked almost fretfully.
“No, we’re independent,” I reassured her.
“Refuge must be one hell of a target.” Joel seemed almost concerned.
“That’s why we’re so damn careful. Everyone is vying for control of us. FEDRA and the military learned their lesson the hard way right after outbreak,” I told him. “We cost them more bullets than they could afford, so eventually they left us be. Raiders though? They’re not that smart. We keep most of them at bay by threatening to cut their shipments, but they still give our defences a try now and again.”
“And they hold?” he asked. “Your defences?”
“For twenty years,” I promised him. “We haven’t had any major issues since I was a kid.” The CD finished playing, and the truck went painfully quiet. “Hey, Ellie, reach into the back of Joel’s seat and grab me a new album, would you?”
She put down her book and eagerly rummaged through the pocket, pulling out a handful of options and looking over them. “Cool! Bill only had old music that Joel liked.” She swapped the disc in my hand for a new selection, and I slotted it in. Music began to blare from the speakers again.
Joel shot me a glare. “You should turn it down. Anyone within a mile is gonna hear us.”
“That’s the point. If there’s anyone in the area, I need to kill them.” I returned his glower with a smile. “That’s kinda my job.”
“Unless they’re fourteen-year-old girls?” Joel bit back.
“A fourteen-year-old girl isn’t exactly a threat.”
“What about Joel?” Ellie asked.
I scoffed. “He’s not exactly a threat either.”
Joel was offended. “You’re pretty confident of that.”
“Obviously, you can handle yourself to have made it all the way to Indiana from Massachusetts,” I conceded. “But you’re not that good, or I wouldn’t have been able to sneak up on you. Besides, I definitely have the home advantage here.”
He didn’t have any witty comeback to that.
“Is Refuge a big place?” Ellie asked.
“Refuge must have plenty of resources if they’re farming drugs on a large scale,” Joel pointed out. “It's gotta be small not to have supply issues.”
I cast Ellie a glance. “There’s about a hundred of us.”
“A hundred? That’s it?” Ellie arched her brows in surprise. “That’s tiny!”
Joel seemed confused. “How do you defend yourselves against FEDRA with so few people?”
“I told you. Traps mostly.” I cast my eyes towards him again. “Rachel, our engineer? She’s an absolute genius. She can banjax pretty much anything outta scrap, and we have the whole town to scavenge from.” I shrugged. “Sarge also spent the last twenty years training everyone to defend themselves. No one in Refuge is helpless.”
“Can he teach me?” Enthusiasm lit up Ellie’s face.
Joel shot her a glare. “No.”
“‘She’,” I corrected. “Katherine ‘Sarge’ Hawthorne is a woman.” I arched a brow at Joel, puzzled. “And why not? Girl needs to defend herself when your back is turned.” I glanced at Ellie. “Is she even armed?”
“No,” the teen grumbled. “Joel won’t let me have a gun.”
I rolled my eyes, unimpressed. “Jeez.”
“She doesn’t need a gun,” Joel insisted.
“Because you have yours?” I shook my head. “Yeah, that worked out so well for you just now.”
“I don’t need you telling me how to handle my business.” His tone was all warning and threat.
With a huff, I shrugged it off and let it go. It wasn’t my concern, I guessed.
The car fell quiet again, and we continued in a silence that was only mildly awkward, and only because Joel wouldn’t stop casting me threatening glares. I ignored him, even infuriated him by smiling in return. He didn’t trust me. I didn’t blame him. We were strangers, and he clearly had trust issues generally speaking. Right now, though, he needed me. For Ellie’s sake. It was admirable how he was willing to go against his instincts to protect her. I didn’t know men could do that. With the way my community talked, I’d grown up with an image of the males outside Refuge being savages.
It got to mid-afternoon when we pulled into my next stop — an old school in one of the housing estates on the outskirts of our territory. I drove right up to the utility building and parked by a door boarded up with a thick plate of metal.
I undid my seatbelt and opened the truck door. “If you wanna stretch your legs or take a piss, now would be the time.”
I swiped an old key card through a reader that looked broken and out of place. The metal-covered door clicked loudly. I took out my knife and used it to pry it open the first few inches before grabbing the edge and yanking it forcefully. The damn thing was heavy as hell and screeched loudly in protest, but it opened. Inside was a stack of six crates. I lifted the lid on the top one and glanced inside. Boxes and boxes of bullets, all different shapes and sizes. I heaved the box onto my shoulder and carried it over to the truck.
Joel was standing nearby, eyes scanning the area warily.
“Relax. There’s no one here.” I slung the first box into the back and went for the next one. “Where’s Ellie?”
Joel jerked his head towards a cluster of bushes, and I nodded in understanding.
The other boxes were full of various mechanical parts. Wires. Scrap metals. Batteries. Anything that had been scavenged that might be useful to us. None of it meant anything to me, but in the right hands – Rachel’s hands – they could be worth their weight in gold. I heaved the last box into the truck as Ellie reappeared from the bushes. She eyed the crates. “That’s a lot of shit.”
With a smile, I took out the lockbox I was to leave in trade. “We tend to get the most from these guys, yeah.”
“And that’s all they get in return?” She nodded at the box in my hand.
I shrugged and dropped the box into the shed. “Drugs are valuable. Come on, it’ll take a few more hours to get to the next drop, and I can’t be late for this one.”
Ellie got into the backseat without question, but, as I’d expected, Joel was more hesitant. “Why not?”
“Because the last one is in-person.” I got back into the driver’s seat. Joel joined me up front. “Big Tony doesn’t trust our system, so he likes to collect himself. Since he gives us the most valuable products, we agreed to it.” I started the engine and turned the truck around.
“What do you get from Big Tony?” Ellie asked.
“His brother is a chemist, so we swap raw materials for his refined drugs. He has painkillers and antibiotics that we don’t.” I jerked my head towards the shed as we passed it. “And other things that we can sell on at a profit.”
I pulled back onto the road as the music stopped again. Ellie chose another CD and went back to reading. Joel continued to glower silently. By the time we turned off the highway and into the woods, it was getting dark. I pulled up to a tree marked with a scrap of red cloth and flashed the headlights. Leaning forward, I waited, watching the growing darkness intently. After a moment, a flash in the trees ahead answered me. “Ok. We’re clear.” I continued down the bumpy path into a clearing flattened by multiple tyre tracks. A single stump stood in the centre. I swung around it and parked up but left the engine running and the headlights on.
I bit my lower lip as I considered my words carefully. “Big Tony is twitchy as fuck.” I glanced at Joel, then at Ellie. “I don’t want to give him any reason to get worked up, so I need you guys to stay in the truck and try not to look threatening.” I looked to Joel specifically. “Can you do that?”
He gave a reluctant nod.
We sat silently as the sun sank the last few inches below the horizon. Then, another flash from the trees, followed moments later by headlights coming towards us.
The other truck parked opposite. Taking a deep breath, I slid out and collected a lockbox from the bed.
Four figures had emerged on the other side. Seeing them with the headlights behind them was tricky, but I immediately recognised Big Tony’s large frame. He was as much fat as muscle. Not someone I wanted to go toe-to-toe with if I could help it. He’d tried it once and learned the hard way that I didn’t go down easy. Now he kept a wary distance too. It was almost like mutual respect.
“Jessica,” he greeted, nodding his bald, dark head.
“Big Tony.” I nodded back.
“You bought friends.” He let the displeasure drip from his tone.
“Just a couple of strays. Nothing you need to worry about.” I lifted the lockbox a fraction. “We doing this?”
He hesitated a moment, then gestured for me to move ahead.
I stepped up to the stump in the middle of the clearing and set the box down on the flat surface.
Big Tony waited for me to step back, then gestured again. One of his lackeys approached the stump and swapped the box I’d put down for his. He took it back to his boss, who unlocked it with a key from his pocket and inspected the contents. After a few seconds, he gave a short nod of approval.
“Always a pleasure, Jessica.” Big Tony pointed at Joel. “Next time, leave the strays where you find them.”
“We can’t all be merciless dickwads like you, Tony.”
He glared at me but said nothing. They returned to their truck and began the drive back down the rough path.
For a long minute, I stood there, waiting, watching their headlights fade to nothing. A few more moments of darkness, and there came another signalling flash from ahead. I nodded to myself and let out a breath. Trade done.
I took the medicine Big Tony had left, stowed it in the truck, and knocked on Ellie’s window. “Come on.” I jerked my head, signalling for her and Joel to step out. “This is our camp for the night.”
She opened the door. “What if Big Tony comes back?”
I pointed up into the trees where the flashing signals had come from. “Ophelia will warn us if she sees anyone coming. She’s got a night scope and an air horn up there.”
Joel shut the truck door behind him. He stared at me with mounting distrust – as though I’d been hiding some terrible secret. “You haven’t mentioned any men from Refuge.”
I almost laughed. I would have just told him if he’d asked. “We do have guys. Five of them.”
Ellie’s brow arched in surprise. “Five? In a hundred?”
“Yup.” I took a lantern and bag of supplies from the bed while Ellie glanced at her protector in silent question. She didn’t understand it, but Joel, older, wiser, and savvier to the old world, seemed to be mulling over an idea.
Setting the bag by the stump, I placed the lantern on the uneven wood and used it to illuminate the clearing.
“Was Refuge a prison…?” he finally asked, apparently confident he already knew the answer.
“No.” I turned off my headlights and fetched the camping stove and my rucksack. “It was a DV shelter.”
His brow quirked down in shocked disbelief. “A DV shelter fought off FEDRA and infected for twenty years?”
“Why not?” I glared at him as I passed by to set the stove by the lamp. “You think a bunch of women can’t defend themselves? Trust me, these ladies had been dealing with hell long before the infected turned up.” I gestured off to the darkness beyond the clearing. “There was no way any of them would trust a bunch of armed men trying to take them to some lock up and strip them of their hard-won freedom. They decided they’d take their chances alone.” I shrugged. “If they died, then they died free and independent.”
“What’s a DV shelter?” Ellie asked.
Her innocence was precious. I paused and stuck a hand into my jean’s pockets. “Domestic violence shelter,” I clarified. “Before outbreak, it was a place where women could go to escape men who were abusing them. Husbands, partners, fathers… whoever.” I gestured towards the truck, indicating at my radio. “The woman we call ‘Mama’ was a survivor herself. So, she set up and ran the place. Sarge was a retired veteran. She worked as the shelter's security.” I shrugged. “We have a doctor called Jenny who specialises in women’s health. She used to volunteer on the weekends…” I turned and knelt to set up the camping stove. “Everyone else is someone who came to take refuge or was the child of a beaten woman. Hence the name.”
Ellie came and sat near the stump with me. “Sounds like you live with a bunch of badasses.”
I cast her a smug smile as Joel lowered himself to sit beside her. “You’re not wrong.”
“So…There’s no children then?”
I lit the stove and fiddled with the gas intake to get a good flame. Excited curiosity was getting the better of her. I didn’t mind. I was proud of my home, and we didn’t get guests often. The company was as fascinating to me as I was to Ellie, I thought. “I’m the youngest,” I confirmed with a smile.
“And everyone else is…”
“Twelve people under the age of twenty-nine. Everyone else is forty-five and over.” I pulled a pan from my supplies bag and set it on the burner. “I think Sarge is the oldest. She’s pushing eighty now. Still going strong, though.” I gave a short laugh. “She doesn’t know the meaning of the word ‘retire’.”
“That’s not sustainable,” Joel pointed out needlessly.
“Refuge isn’t designed to be sustainable,” I admitted. “It’s designed to last until we’re gone.” I shrugged as I retrieved boxes of food. “I guess we’ll stay until there’s too few of us to manage it, then, I dunno… make do? Go to a QZ if there are any? I haven’t really thought that far ahead.”
“That sucks,” Ellie voiced with concern. “You’re just waiting to die out…”
“It’s not so bad,” I assured her. “Refuge is a tight community, and Joel was right. We’re well-supplied.” I put a large piece of meat on to fry, cursing as it immediately stuck to the pan.
“No…!” Joel shook his head insistently and leaned across Ellie to snatch the pan off the heat. “You can’t cook steak like that.”
I arched my eyebrows at him. “‘Scuse me?”
But he glared back stubbornly. “Don’t they give you cooking lessons at Refuge?” He shooed Ellie aside and swapped places with her so he was beside me. “First rib-eye I’ve seen in twenty years, and you’re gonna turn it into shoe leather.” Apparently, this was sacrilege.
Amused – and a little stunned by his outburst – I raised my hands in surrender and moved aside so he could access the stove. “You wanna take over, Texas, be my guest.” He wasn’t wrong. Cooking was hardly my forte.
Pan still in hand, he rummaged through the supplies bag to see what I had. “Jesus Christ. You have oil and salt in here! What the hell’s wrong with you?”
There was quiet for a long moment as I watched with an amused smile – and maybe a little interested anticipation – as Joel ‘rescued’ the prime beef and set about seasoning properly.
Ellie broke the silence with more curious enthusiasm. “So, if there are only five guys, how do you…?” She gazed at me with silent intent. “I mean, are you all gay or something?”
“Ellie!” Joel shot her a chastising glare, but I was laughing. She was wonderful! Were all teenagers so refreshingly blunt?
“Unfortunately for me, I am as straight as they come,” I lamented. “But I won’t insult your intelligence by pretending it’s the same for all of Refuge. Some of the women have paired up.”
“Have you ‘paired up’?” Ellie pressed. “With one of the five guys, I mean.”
“Uh, no…” A loud sizzle from the pan as Joel put the steak back distracted me for a moment. “They’re, um… not my type.” I shrugged and glanced back at Ellie. “Plus, I grew up with them. It’d be like sleeping with my brother.”
Ellie nodded in understanding. “Do you get lonely?”
My eyebrows raised in surprise. No one had ever asked me that before. “Sometimes…I guess.”
She gave a slow nod, her expression sympathetic. “So… if you’re the youngest person there, have you ever met other kids?”
“Actually, you’re the youngest person I’ve ever met.” With a smile, I nodded towards Joel. “And your friend here is the oldest man I’ve ever laid eyes on.”
Ellie was shocked. “Seriously?”
Even Joel looked up with some surprise.
“Yup.” I cast a smirk and a wink at him. “You’re quite the treat.”
He looked back at the food, stubbornly refusing to be goaded.
I chuckled at his irritation.
Ellie gestured at the pan. “So, where did you get the steak? Smells fucking amazing.”
“Refuge has a small farm,” I told her. “We don’t butcher our cows often, though, so it’s still a pretty big treat for me too.”
“And you still burnt it,” Joel grumbled.
“I’ve never cooked steak before,” I retorted with mock defensiveness. “And I never did do well in Aunty Lang's classes.”
He cast me another chastising glower before nodding at the supplies bag. “Get your plate out.”
I retrieved mine, and Ellie pulled hers and Joel’s out of their backpacks and held them out eagerly.
Joel cut the steak into three equal parts and served it up with more of Aunty Lang’s fried vegetables, which were now reheated in the same pan.
Damn, it was amazing! A rich beef flavour complimented with a slight bite of salt and a warm, juicy middle. Certainly a hell of a lot better than anything I could have done with it. Ellie seemed to agree. As before, she shovelled down every mouthful like someone was going to steal it out from under her. Joel tried to chastise her, telling her that she should savour it. Her reply was to flip him off. I found myself laughing again. I liked her. She was beautifully, unapologetically sassy. She reminded me of myself and all the trouble I’d gotten into at her age…
And Joel? I watched him for a minute while we ate. He was still nervous. Hyperaware of Ellie, he was always glancing over at her, making sure she was ok. When he wasn’t doing that, he was subtly scanning the area around him, constantly on alert. It had to be exhausting.
I cocked my head a little. His eyes were so intense. Deep, dark pools, somehow both cold and fiery at the same time. I hadn’t met many outsiders. When the last stray came through Refuge, I’d been just ten years old. There were traders like Big Tony, but they hardly gave a flattering image of anyone living outside Refuge. Joel seemed… better. More reasonable, maybe? Even a little honourable, perhaps? I caught myself admiring the silver in his hair and marvelling at how it shone against the black below. Damn. There was that heat again! I turned my attention back to my food before he caught me looking.
He had to be tough too. Strong and resilient. He’d survived twenty years post-apocalypse, and not by staying put and bunkering down the way Refuge had. He’d travelled from Texas to Massachusetts at some point and now out to Indiana with an unarmed, untrained teenager in tow, heading for Wyoming! That was impressive. I found myself quietly envying him. I loved the sanctuary Refuge provided, but I’d never seen anything beyond the borders of one town.
Unsurprisingly, Ellie finished first. “Fuck that was good.”
“There’s some water on the back of the truck you can rinse your plate with,” I told her. “And there’s a blanket on the backseat if you want to sleep there.”
“Thanks.” She got to her feet, dusted off her jeans, and headed back to the truck.
There was another moment of quiet while Joel and I finished. I wasn’t expecting him to say anything – he was definitely the stoic type – so it startled me when he did address me.
“Thank you.” His gaze was fixed on his plate almost awkwardly. “Anyone else probably would have shot us.”
I got over my surprise quickly and smiled. “I don’t make a habit of killing people who don’t come at me first.”
“You didn’t have to help us, though,” Joel pointed out as he glanced up, fixing me with those dark eyes. “You could have left us.”
Leave them? Hungry and defenceless? I shook my head gently. “No, I couldn’t.” I nodded towards Ellie and watched as she packed away her plate and clambered into the back of the truck. “At fourteen, I doubt she could have done anything to deserve that kind of bullshit.”
Emotion crossed his weathered features. Guilt, I thought. Fleeting. It registered for barely more than a second before it vanished behind his stony demeanour, but I saw it. I wasn’t stupid enough to ask about it, though.
We finished our food, and Joel helped clear away the utensils, camping stove, and lantern. Hoisting myself up onto the back of the truck, I handed him a blanket from one of my storage boxes. “You want to sleep in the passenger seat? You can tilt it back, and it’ll be warmer than out here.”
“Where will you sleep?”
I gestured to a space on the back of the bed. “Don’t worry, I have a sleeping bag and leather jacket. I’ll be fine.”
After a long, unfathomable look, Joel headed to the passenger side.
I frowned slightly, unsure what it was that had given him pause. With a shake of my head, I got into my bag and lay down. He was a mystery.
I watched the wind whisper through the leaves of trees for several long minutes as the day’s events played surreally through my mind. It was so odd to be out here and not be alone. A small part of me warned I should stay on guard – sleep lightly if I could. But Joel had seemed genuine in his gratitude, and he seemed to take my warnings about fucking with Refuge seriously. If not… Ophelia had my back. She was a damn good shot with her rifle…
I yawned. The moon beyond the treetops was so large and round. Stars twinkled amiably. I smiled to myself, admiring the beauty as slowly, I slipped into a dream.