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Wei Ying sighed in awe as he took in the sight of the beautiful sunrise. The sky looked so clear, so ethereal. The sunlight breaking through the darkness of the night, lighting everything in a warm yellow, brought a warmth to Wei Ying that he hadn’t felt in a while. When was the last time he’d seen this? When was the last time he felt this alive? It must have been years…
He picked up a rock from the gravel behind him, as his legs hung over the edge of the building's rooftop. He swung his legs back and forth casually as he reminisced on his last couple days. These past few hours had been filled with lots of firsts as well as lasts.
Wei Ying tossed around the rock in his hand a couple of times as he thought of some of the things he’d accomplished in the last couple days. His bucket list/ to-do list, had covered both simple and more complex wants. He’d crossed off the item “eat spicy ice cream” from his list the same day he crossed off the item “go hiking up the Burial Mounds trail”.
These past couple of days had been.. Interesting, to say the least. Wei Ying caught the rock one last time before chucking the rock behind him, aiming for the big vent in the center of the rooftop. The rock clanked against the side of the vent, and Wei Ying couldn’t help but smile. Today… today was a good day. He glanced at his side and picked up his notebook, turning it to the first page . He bit his lip as he scanned his to-do list, reaching for the pen in his pocket when he found the listed item “watch the sunrise”. He crossed it off.
Wei Ying felt a sense of accomplishment looking at the list. Almost everything had been accomplished. Wei Ying wished everything could have been done by now but…
Unfortunately, due to forces outside of his own bidding, Lan Zhan had to be out of town for the month, dealing with some family politics and what not. Saying goodbye in person (without hinting that it was a goodbye) would have been harder for Wei Ying though, so in a way… one could say everything worked out. Had he actually met up with Lan Zhan before today, Lan Zhan would have most likely figured out Wei Ying’s plan, as Wei Ying was unsure as to how convincing his acting skills were.
A call would have been suspicious, and Wei Ying can’t trust himself to act normally through text anymore. What even was normal for him now-a-days? No. A letter would have to do. Lan Zhan still wouldn’t understand, but it was still better to leave behind some kind of explanation than nothing at all. The last thing Wei Ying needed was his friend- acquaintance?- coming up with “what ifs” about what he could have done to change things.
The truth was there was nothing. Wei Ying was simply tired. Which took a lot for him to admit to himself. Realistically, Wei Ying should have seen it coming. He should have gotten help. But.. well, he didn’t want it. He just wanted it to end. For once in his life, Wei Ying just wanted to take the easy way out.
Wei Ying closed his notebook and placed it more towards the center of the rooftop, not wanting to risk it falling off the building. The notebook had his letter for Lan Zhan after all. It needed to be found.
Wei Ying stood up and stretched, his limbs felt achy after sitting here for hours, watching both his last sunset and sunrise.
He blinked, a bit surprised at how calm he felt. In the years past, whenever he thought about dying, it’d bring a deep sadness to his system. He’d wonder why he wanted to die so much; why nothing could be better. He’d cry for hours. Feeling self pity and sadness. But now? Now he felt calm and ready. It was his time to go after all.
Truth be told, he could have chosen a better way to go. But this abandoned building close to the woods had presented such a temptation. The odds of a loved one- well, not a loved one (He didn’t have anyone alive who loved him) just someone who knew him- finding him made him uneasy. He couldn’t bear the thought of traumatizing anyone and being the reason once more that someone in his life had to suffer because of him. Even this option doesn’t feel the greatest, knowing some poor soul is going to inevitably have to clean up whatever is left of him.
But well, this way, it’ll hopefully take days for anyone to find him. Hopefully nature will come and take its pickings and make his body unidentifiable if the fall doesn’t. That way those who know him won’t know of his death and feel obligated to mourn in some way. The only one who’ll know is Lan Zhan, who has a letter addressed to him right here…
Maybe he shouldn’t leave a letter…
After all, it’s not like Lan Zhan considered them friends. This letter would probably only burden Lan Zhan, now that Wei Ying thought about it. It would force him to feel some type of grief. How could Wei Ying be selfish and do that to him? Someone who’s repeatedly told Wei Ying just how much he didn’t like him.
Wei Ying sighed, reaching for the letter in his notebook before grabbing the whole thing, opening it, and ripping out the to do list as well. He grabbed the lighter kept in his pocket, and flicked it on, wasting no time in holding the lighter against the papers. It would do no good to second guess now. It would only prolong the inevitable and bring more pain as he thought of the person who he considered his friend (even though he knew, very well, said-person only considered him a nuisance).He watched the letter and to-do list burn, feeling a bit melancholic as he watched his feelings written in pen get burned away, lost in the ashes and smoke left behind. Lan Zhan also won’t know of his death now. It’s probably for the best.
Wei Ying tossed the now useless notebook to the side, not caring where it landed, before turning to face the edge of the rooftop once more. He shuffled his feet until he was right on the edge. One more step, and this ends.
A stray tear escaped his right eye, and his heart clenched at the thought of Lan Zhan. The last person to know Wei Ying as more than just a name, and even he won’t care that Wei Ying is gone. How pathetic.
Well.. there’s no use crying over this now. Wei Ying had made his decision long ago. He’d tied up his loose ends and did everything he had wanted to do. He’d made peace with this, and now, it was time. All that was left was to take the final step.
He took a deep breath, closing his eyes. He smiled. He stepped forward.