Work Text:
Jaehyun thinks for a guy in his late twenties, life is treating him pretty well.
He’s got a nice job, working as music professor, something he did not see as a possibility in his teenage years. He’s got a decent apartment, not as big as some of the people he knows, but it's spacious, cozy, and has a gorgeous view of the city at night, his preferred time to gaze out the window. He’s close with his parents, being their only child he was doted on and cared for throughout his life, and he’s got a group of friends that mean more to him than anything else in the world.
No student loans, no car payments, and he’s just got a raise. Which is how he finds himself surrounded by his longtime friends tonight in a bbq restaurant further into the city than his apartment is situated, but it’s a Saturday night and if there was any time to be away from home it was now.
The waiter sets down their second round of shots, all paid for by Taeyong who has a light flush on the apples of his cheeks. Taeyong is clingy, and Jaehyun has never had an issue with it. The elder leans into his side, tequila on his breath, as he sings, “Happy birthday, Jaehyunie!”
Johnny shoves at his shoulder, “It’s not his birthday, asshead.”
Taeyong blinks, confused and lost, and it is enough to get Jaehyun smiling and leaning into his side, a silent acceptance of the closeness between them.
“If Taeyong says it's my birthday, then it’s my birthday.”
That earns him a warm kiss on the cheek, his skin tingling from the contact, always feeling a little shy despite years of being used to Taeyong’s behavior.
“To Jaehyun and his raise!” Yuta interjects, keeps the night rolling before they head down into a bundle of drunken debates over whose birthday it is and what the occasion calls for.
The tequila settles right in his chest and Jaehyun can handle his liquor better than all of them, but it’s still enough to make his eyes crinkle, but not so much that he beats at the center of his chest like a caveman in Johnny fashion. It takes Taeyong out, who is now leaning on his other side, crowding against Mark. Mark is the youngest here and he’s not doing so well from the looks of it. Jaehyun reaches a hand across Taeyong to tap his friend on the thigh, but Mark waves it off.
“Don’t worry, bro. I can handle it.”
“He can handle it!” Taeyong echoes irresponsibly, and the group share a few glances before laughs bounce from here and there.
As they get deeper into the night, the noise from their corner of the restaurant increases, and Jaehyun makes a mental note to apologize profusely when he can. He has no problem with making up for the havoc himself and his friends are causing. It is as Jungwoo and Johnny enter an arm wrestling match, food shoved to the side, that the final piece of their dynamic comes huffing towards the table. Clearly out of breath, cheeks flushed, and hair messy on his head.
“He appears!” Mark shouts, and the table erupts into cheerful jeering as Doyoung approaches with a small bag clutched to his hands, his coat also hanging off his forearm. Taeyong, being Doyoung’s best friend, gets to his feet immediately, taking the other man into a bear hug that makes the table coo at the affection. Doyoung bats him away, not shy, just easily made grumpy, but the soft smile on his face confirms for Jaehyun like always that he adores Taeyong, especially when he’s drinking.
Although their positions have shifted throughout the night, Taeyong had still managed to stay nestled next to Jaehyun, but now he ushers Doyoung into the booth, sliding beside Jaehyun easily.
“What took you so long?” Yuta asks, the liquor starts to hit him now, and he’s got an arm wrapped around Taeil who fares better than the rest of them, though he’s been taking it slow with the drinks tonight.
Doyoung lifts up the small bag, and Jaehyun takes a moment to note that while Doyoung had been out of breath and a little frantic, his appearance is as admirable as always. Almost too handsome sometimes, but it’s a thought that a tiny part of Jaehyun’s brain makes sure to shove to the back of his mind. The tequila doing a poor job of manning the usual tame barrier for his thoughts.
“I got halfway here when I realized I’d left Jaehyun’s gift at the apartment.”
Jaehyun blinks, flustered by the sudden admission. It hadn’t occurred for a second that Doyoung would get a gift for him, but it's not unlike his behavior. Always caring for the rest of them in different ways, be it gifts or spending time with them. They’re good friends, but Jaehyun would say he’s closest with Taeyong, Johnny, and Donghyuck, who couldn’t be here tonight because he got roped into a family outing.
Jaehyun has known Doyoung since they were in college, and as the natural progression of their friend group went, they eventually grew closer further into adulthood. They always see each other during friendly gatherings, and some holidays, but Jaehyun wouldn’t say they’re best friends like he would a few of the others.
That being said, he adores Doyoung, perhaps a little more than he lets on sometimes.
“You didn’t have to,” Jaehyun takes the small bag and goes to peek inside, but Doyoung swats at his hand.
“Open it when you’re home.”
Jaehyun glances up to stare into dark eyes, a tiny smile on his face and a flush along his cheeks. He nods and sets it aside, making a mental note to not forget the gift despite the way his body feels tingly from all the drinks and shots. Doyoung nods, satisfied, and rolls up his sleeves. He’s got a mole on his forearm that Jaehyun noticed for the first time during senior year when they’d all gone away to a lake house during a break. The dark blemish looks pretty against his skin tone. Another thought shoved and hidden.
“Alright, what are we having?”
Taeil belches, one of the first noises he’s made in the past twenty minutes, and the table erupts into laughter.
Jaehyun is quite fond of his friends.
The end of the night sees a lot of goodbye hugs and kisses from the group, drunk bodies forced into taxis, ubers, whatever you want to call it.
“Jae, call me when you’re home, okay?” Johnny says, arm wrapped around Taeyong for stability. Taeyong, Johnny, and Yuta all lived together, so it was only natural that one of them would be hauling the next home. Sometimes Jaehyun feels like that’s a crowded bunch since he hasn’t had a roommate in years and he cherishes his privacy, but a small part of him feels a pinch in his chest when he thinks about the fact that he is the only one of their friend group that goes home to an empty apartment.
He’s considering getting a cat or maybe some new plants. Something to smile about in his own space.
“I’ll call, I promise.”
Truthfully, Jaehyun feels fine in spite of the drinking.
He gives one last hug to Yuta as their car pulls off, and he glances around, wondering when his own ride will show up. A small bump to his shoulder has him casting a look to the side, becoming surprised when he notices that Doyoung waits along with him.
“Hey,” Doyoung smiles, hands pushed deep into the pockets of his dark coat. Jaehyun smiles, tilting his head the slightest.
“I thought you were gone already.”
“Nah, I had to use the bathroom. Plus Taeyong is less reluctant to leave if he sees me still hanging around.”
Jaehyun sniffs at that, a light laugh but also a reaction to the slight chill in the air. The streets glow with the small lights on each corner, the stars are hidden behind the heights of the buildings. Although it is an uncomfortable thing for some people, Jaehyun is quite fond of the darkness and of cold nights.
“You called an uber?” Doyoung asks, checking the small wrist watch he wears. Jaehyun nods, smile on his face. “According to my phone it is . . . one minute away.”
Doyoung rolls his shoulders, smiling comfortably between them. It borders awkward, but in a way Jaehyun is used to experiencing when they’re alone. Not uncomfortable, not odd, but just a little stiff. Maybe it has something to do with their personalities. Johnny says it’s because they’re both Aquarius, but Jaehyun isn’t much interested in astrology talk. He points out that Johnny is also an Aquarius and they never experience this, so the logic is flawed.
“How’s work been?” Jaehyun asks, genuinely curious. Doyoung works in music as well—a private vocal instructor who occasionally travels to be in a few musical performances when given the opportunity. Another reason for the slight distance between the two of them. Doyoung is often abroad. In the states, Paris, Hong Kong, etc. Jaehyun remembers the first time hearing Doyoung sing in undergrad and he thought back then it was something special, too special for the silly karaoke evening they’d been spending to celebrate completing finals in their first year. Luckily, Doyoung knew this too, and in this knowledge he had pursued music and was successful.
All that being said, Doyoung was still a bit of an enigma to him after all these years. Incredibly talented, kind, and not bad to look at. Jaehyun was curious about him from the moment they met, but often unsure of how to approach that curiosity. It’s moments when they’re alone, rarely, that he finds himself slightly yearning to learn more.
If any of his friends knew the subtle infatuation Jaehyun had for Doyoung, he has a feeling he’d never hear the end of it.
Doyoung lifts his shoulders, a sigh coming out of his mouth, “Honestly, a little stressful. Part of the reason I was so excited about tonight.”
“Oh?” Jaehyun says, wanting to ask more, it’s rare that he hears words like that from Doyoung. Always so composed, like he’s got it all figured out. A horn sounds and Jaehyun flinches away from the cozy atmosphere he hadn’t realized he was sinking into. “Oh, that’s me.”
Doyoung glances past his shoulders, but nods, his mouth parted the slightest.
Jaehyun has a thought then, unbidden: pretty.
Shove shove shove.
For a moment that he is positive he does not imagine, there’s a tinge of pink that spreads along Doyoung’s cheeks, and Jaehyun has to blink a few times to ensure that he wasn’t seeing things. It dissipates quickly, but it was there.
“Hurry along,” Doyoung pushes at him playfully. “I’ll text you when I make it home, too.”
Jaehyun hums, allowing himself to be ushered towards the car. They reach for the door simultaneously, fingers brushing, a jolt of warmth hitting Jaehyun in the gut.
He turns his head briefly, but Doyoung has put a little more distance between them.
Hot and cold.
“Goodnight, Doyoung,” he says, climbing into the back of the uber. Doyoung smiles, showing some teeth, and the door shuts, shrouding Jaehyun in the darkness before the driver confirms his name.
On the ride home he receives varying messages from his friends. Drunken ones from Taeyong and Mark, slurred words even through the technology, but it’s cute and Jaehyun smiles warmly at his phone once he gets confirmation from almost all of them that they’re home.
It was a pleasant night, one that left his heart feeling warm and full, but coming home to the empty apartment leaves an unsettling feeling in his limbs. He toes out of his shoes at the door, sets his keys in the large bowl he keeps in the foyer, resting on an old wooden stand he’d been gifted by Donghyuck once he moved in. He’s feeling a little heavy from the drinks, but not drunk. Even so, he hangs his coat on the hook behind his door rather than directly in the closet.
He doesn’t care how much he drinks or how tired he is after work, Jaehyun keeps to his nightly routine. It provides comfort especially on nights where he feels a little cold, and not from the weather.
He’s washing his face, toothbrush in his mouth as he hears a buzz at his door. His reaction is delayed, mostly due to confusion. It was nearing midnight, and all the people he considered friends headed home for the evening. He rinses his mouth quickly as he makes his way to the intercom. This is an older apartment building, not equipped with certain things he would appreciate right now like a camera to get a nice view of who it was downstairs.
Before speaking, he presses the listening button, just to see if he can make out any movement, maybe it had been a mistake. A familiar voice comes through, mildly distorted by the device.
“Jaehyun? It’s Doyoung!”
Warmth spreads from his stomach to his spine. He takes his finger off the intercom, stares blankly ahead of him, confused what Doyoung could be doing here. He buzzes him in because it was cold and the last thing he wanted to do was have his friend shivering waiting for a response from Jaehyun who has clearly lost bits of his mind at the sudden appearance.
He doesn’t live too far up, so he expects the knocks when they come. A quick glance through the peephole informs Jaehyun that it is in fact Doyoung and not a stranger doing a scarily good impression of him. He unlatches the lock, turns another, and opens his door, deja vu hitting him immediately.
“Did you run up here?” Jaehyun asks before anything else.
How could one explain the slightly out of breath, flushed appearance. Not too far up means a quick elevator ride. Six floors is still pretty steep especially if someone takes the stairs.
Doyoung lifts a familiar small bag in his hands, a smile stretching on his face goofily.
“Oh—shit, I didn’t—”
Doyoung makes his way inside, steps out of his shoes and Jaehyun easily shuts and locks the door behind him. “Don’t worry about it. You were drinking, and Taeyong was causing a mess all night. It's such a small bag, ya know?”
Jaehyun’s brain is still a little foggy. This is the first time he’s had Doyoung in his apartment alone. Doyoung usually accompanies Taeyong when he has the time. It appears that he is having similar thoughts because Jaehyun observes the way he looks around as if it’s his first time inside of the apartment.
“Where should I sit this—”
Jaehyun apologizes again, bows slightly as he takes the gift bag and sets it on the counter.
“Do you want some water or tea?”
Doyoung nods, still a little out of breath, and Jaehyun snorts as he heads over to get him some from the refrigerator.
“Seriously, why did you run up the stairs?”
“You didn’t answer your phone! I called and texted twice.”
Jaehyun thinks that doesn’t really answer his question, peering suspiciously at Doyoung as he passes him a cold cup of filtered water. It hits him then that he’d left his phone in his coat pocket, too mindless as he’d been working through his nightly routine. Doyoung gulps the cup down speedily as Jaehyun explains, fiddling with the gift bag and deciding to take out its contents.
Sitting snugly on paper, Jaehyun pulls on the dense item. It's a dark brush, not an ordinary one, but Jaehyun recognizes it quickly.
“Taeyong had mentioned that you couldn’t find your old vinyl brush, so I had actually gotten this before I heard about your raise.” Jaehyun remembers, it's something he had complained to Taeyong about almost four months ago. “Sorry, I’ve been traveling a lot and I’m finally back with a set schedule until the new year, and it was sitting in my closet—”
Jaehyun shoos his hand, touched by the gift, “No worries, man. I’m a little shocked, I have to admit.”
He sets the brush back into the bag, and there’s a warmth building along his ears that he knows is evident given the small smile on Doyoung’s face. Jaehyun scrunches his nose, “Fuck off.”
Doyoung cackles, resting back against the counter as he silently teases Jaehyun for the shy display.
If this had been a gift from Taeyong or even Johnny, perhaps they would hug now. He hasn’t shared many hugs with Doyoung in their years of knowing each other. It’s not intentional, Jaehyun was a physically affectionate person after all, though others sought him out before he did so for himself. He nods, chewing at the edge of his lip, suddenly feeling a little too overwhelmed with Doyoung’s gift and Doyoung in his apartment, in his kitchenette.
“Thank you.”
Doyoung shrugs, eyes glancing elsewhere. Jaehyun takes the brief opportunity to admire the line of his neck as it disappears behind the collar of his turtleneck. He tilts his head, noticing only now for the first time tonight.
“Oh. I thought it was black.”
Doyoung’s eyes flick to his, deep dark like the sea.
“Huh?”
Jaehyun reaches forward, tugs noncommittally at the neck of the shirt.
“It’s navy, but in the restaurant it looked black.”
He feels the light bob of Doyoung’s throat against his knuckle, and it’s only then that he realizes how close a step can take you.
Doyoung forgoes a response, hand coming up to curl around Jaehyun’s finger. They’re softer than he remembers, but that being said he’s only gotten snippets of Doyoung’s touch. Squashed in a booth beside each other, passing each other a slice of pizza, laughing a little too hard and falling into a side.
Rarely is it like this.
Slow and purposeful.
Actually, it has never been like this.
Jaehyun’s aware of the way his heart thuds quickly in his chest, caught off guard by Doyoung’s touch, but not opposed to it. Doyoung’s eyes are asking that question. Jaehyun’s finger still lingering along his collar, Doyoung’s soft fingers on his.
Is this okay?
Jaehyun nods as if words have been said, and he’s not sure who leans in first, but they’re there. Colliding softly, mouths pressed against each other. Doyoung stutters, gasps, and Jaehyun quickly closes his hand around the fingers that had been holding him. The kiss starts off that way, soft and chaste, and they pull apart as if to take note that it was really happening. Jaehyun’s chest rises, it falls, and Doyoung pulls him back in fiercely.
They kiss and kiss, Jaehyun backing them away from the kitchen, somewhere softer.
“Here—”
“The couch?” Doyoung says, lips attached to Jaehyun’s neck, wet and warm there. Jaehyun nods, but Doyoung shakes his head. “Do you like to fuck on the couch?”
Jaehyun pulls back, body close to Doyoung’s, chest to chest. “Sometimes.”
Doyoung blinks slowly, his hair falling lightly in his eyes. “You don’t want to fuck me in your bed?”
And now that he words it that way, a question said by pretty lips and prettier eyes, Jaehyun gets it.
“I do,” he says, and damn does it feel good to admit after all this time. “I want to fuck you.”
Doyoung leans in for his mouth again, and Jaehyun uses his bit of strength to haul him close by the hips, holding him tight as they make their way to the bedroom.
Doyoung had suggested it, Jaehyun had agreed, but he did not prepare himself for what seeing Kim Doyoung spread out on his bed would do to him. Jaehyun has absolutely lost his mind somewhere at sea, in a desert, it’s far away from here and he’s having trouble processing everything.
That very first kiss had been timid, slow, but now Doyoung wastes no time. He peels out of his turtleneck, shoves it to the side and starts kicking off his jeans. Jaehyun pulls his own shirt over his head, mesmerized by the way Doyoung looks beneath him. The way Doyoung looks up at him, eyes swallowing him whole. Jaehyun quickly rids himself of his pants, his briefs, and strokes himself with a tight slow fist.
“Fuck,” Doyoung breathes out, eyes watching him closely. That’s exactly how Jaehyun feels. Years of brief thoughts silenced at his own will. And for what? “Do you have lube?”
Jaehyun laughs, reaching over to his pillow that Doyoung rests on, “What kind of monster do you take me for?” Doyoung gently mouths along his pecs, thumbs pressing into his nipples, and Jaehyun lets out a soft breath.
“Right under the pillow?” Doyoung says, a smile in his voice. Jaehyun blushes as he uncaps the substance, “Easy access.”
When he pulls back enough to position himself lower, a pillow elevating Doyoung’s hips, he’s left breathless at the sight of him. Legs spread open, everything on display.
Jaehyun’s eyes darken with awe, glancing up at Doyoung who is watching him, waiting.
“Come on, Jae.”
Jaehyun warms the lube and eases a finger in, biting down on his tongue to stop an embarrassing noise from leaving his mouth. Doyoung falls back against the sheets, “Finally.”
As Jaehyun starts to finger him slowly, he wonders just what that finally refers to.
Doyoung isn’t the noisiest, but his personality shows in bed. A little bossy, but caring. He tells Jaehyun what he likes, and how he likes it. Jaehyun is three fingers knuckle deep and Doyoung’s face is melted against the sheets, telling Jaehyun to fuck him for real now. Jaehyun kisses up the soft skin of his cock, his abdomen, his chest, and finally they land on Doyoung’s lips.
He reaches for a condom in his drawer, and has trouble putting it on, too distracted by Doyoung’s filthy words in his ears.
“Can’t you multitask,” Doyoung chides, taking the condom from his hand. Jaehyun grumbles, a soft moan tightening in his throat as Doyoung rolls it on him.
“Hard to focus,” Jaehyun says, and he leaves it at that. Anything else on his tongue could get him into trouble. Doyoung quirks a brow at him, strokes his cock tightly a few times, and lines Jaehyun up with his hole. The fit is tight at first, but once Jaehyun bottoms out, their breaths panting into each other, he doesn’t hold back.
He lifts his hips and drops them firmly.
“Fuck yeah,” Doyoung encourages immediately, eyes tightening close for a second. Jaehyun fucks him like that. Steady and hard. He pushes Doyoung’s thighs up a bit to slip deeper, and Doyoung’s approval comes in the sound of his moans pitching higher, hands clenching on Jaehyun’s shoulders harder. They both stare down in wonder, gasping each time Jaehyun fits in deeper and deeper.
Jaehyun’s heart hammers in his chest, cheeks flushed, hair growing sweaty along his forehead. His hands slip along Doyoung’s thighs, and seeing him unravel before his eyes is enough to make Jaehyun swear yet again.
“Shit, fuck, Doyoung,” he’s babbling to himself, he knows, but he usually lasts a lot longer than this. He glances up, helpless, feeling himself about to come, but when he catches Doyoung’s expression, concentrated, pained, blissed, he knows that Doyoung is close too.
“You can—you can come, I’m almost—”
Jaehyun nods, quickening the pace, and Doyoung nods in return.
“Stroke my cock,” he says almost at the same time that Jaehyun reaches for him. Doyoung’s cock is wet, heavy, and hard. Jaehyun thinks he’s gonna take up praying after this. Hips stuttering as he starts to come. He strokes Doyoung, losing his rhythm the slightest, but Doyoung starts to fuck up into his hand the best that he can before he spills between them both, voice an octave higher than it had been the whole time. He even sounds pretty when he comes, Jaehyun thinks belatedly, stroking him through it all as he tires himself out.
He expects things to be awkward in the moments after, but all he feels is relief throughout his body. An amazing orgasm will do that to you. He is silent though, pulling out and ridding himself of the condom, returning with a warm rag that Doyoung takes out of his hands to clean himself off.
Jaehyun face plants beside him, exhaustion settling in his bones. The weight of the evening, the restaurant, the sex, it all settles on top of him and before he knows it his eyes are drifting closed. The last thing he hears is a soft chuckle from Doyoung beside him, and it's a pretty sound to fall asleep to, at least.
He doesn’t know what he expected given the events of the night prior, and truthfully Jaehyun almost convinces himself he had hallucinated the entire thing. But the gift bag is still on his counter that at least confirms that Doyoung had been there. He heads for his phone where he has a few texts from his friends, and the ones that catch his attention immediately are from Doyoung.
Had to head out. One of my sessions is in the afternoon on Sundays. Thanks for having me last night.
It’s a normal text.
In fact too normal.
Jaehyun doesn’t want to work himself up over nothing.
After rereading it five or seven times, he decides that it is an okay text, and he should probably respond.
Oh, you should’ve told me! I enjoyed having you over, too.
He receives a response a few hours later.
You were out cold. Idt I could’ve told u anything after all that.
Jaehyun had been in the middle of watching a film when it came in, a light blush on his cheeks.
Sorry, I was exhausted.
I’ll take that as a compliment :)
Jaehyun chews at his lip in thought. And then he remembers that he’s no longer a teenager, shy and confused about finding boys attractive. Fuck this.
He dials Doyoung and the line picks up on the third ring.
“Jaehyun?”
“Hey,” Jaehyun says, suddenly feeling as stupid as he probably sounds. “Um. Last night.”
Doyoung does not finish the thoughts, and Jaehyun realizes as he is the one who called he has to do this first.
“Did you want to do it again or was it just an in the moment thing?”
Doyoung hums, and Jaehyun can picture his expression. Eyebrows in a concentrated dip. Jaehyun can hear the buzz of the city around him and briefly he wonders about all the conversations that must be happening at this very moment, but nothing means anything to him besides this.
“That depends.”
“On?” Jaehyun questions, brow ticking.
“Are you gonna fall asleep on me after one round every time?”
Jaehyun chokes briefly, although he hadn’t been ingesting anything to begin with. Doyoung starts to laugh over the line, and the familiar sound eases his embarrassment.
“One time thing, I swear.”
“Since when do you swear, Jeong Jaehyun?”
Jaehyun bites on a smile, “When can I see you again?”
And as the tension eases from his chest, and Doyoung’s warm voice continues to filter through the speaker, Jaehyun feels as if a seed is being pat into the earth with unexpectedly gentle hands.
It starts out as an every weekend thing.
They’re both free all day on Saturdays, so when Doyoung wants to come over he texts Jaehyun and vice versa. Since Jaehyun lives alone, and he’d rather not traumatize Doyoung’s roommate, they always meet at his place.
After that first night Jaehyun knew Doyoung wasn’t shy about the things he wanted, and as they continue to sleep with each other he understands just how compatible that type of personality is with him.
An upfront lover, one who tells him what to do, who isn’t shy with his words.
One evening Doyoung has a rough hand in his hair, gripping the roots of it while Jaehyun bobs his head up and down Doyoung’s cock.
“You can take more.”
Jaehyun flicks his eyes up, ears burning red with the desire to please. He attempts to nod, mouth full of cock, and Doyoung smiles down at him. Jaehyun takes him further, feels his airway get blocked off and he’s thankful for his lack of gag reflex because it fits in there snugly.
Doyoung’s cheeks are flushed, his grip tightening and thighs shaking where they’re thrown over Jaehyun’s shoulders. He holds it there for a few moments, keeping it warm, batting his lashes as he watches Doyoung fall apart. Cursing and praising as he starts to come.
Jaehyun pulls off, hand gripping Doyoung’s cock to milk him through it. Getting cum all over his knuckles, his chin and lips.
“You’re so hot,” Doyoung breathes out, slumped against the cushion of the couch. “Why the hell are you so hot?”
Jaehyun smiles, aware of the way his dimples pop, “I think genetics?”
Doyoung rolls his eyes and wipes some of the cum off Jaehyun’s chin. He doesn’t let the finger get far, lips attaching to it. Doyoung exhales, breath shaking. “Give me a second.”
Jaehyun laughs, using his shirt to wipe the rest of the cum up before chucking it off, resting between Doyoung’s thighs still positioned on the floor.
“You’re very obedient,” Doyoung observes, eyes twinkling in a teasing way. The surface beneath his cheeks starts to heat up.
“If you feel good, I feel good.”
Doyoung considers those words, nods as his hand plays softly in Jaehyun’s hair. The wavy strands slightly dampened.
“You can ask for more, though.” Doyoung says. “If you want, I mean.” His voice is uncharacteristically shy and Jaehyun sits with those words for a moment. He follows the averted gaze with his own until Doyoung is looking at him again. “I like it a little rough sometimes.”
Jaehyun knows because after a month of consecutive fucking he’s seen the way Doyoung whines when Jaehyun takes him hot and heavy. But he’s asking for something a little different now.
So today when they fuck on the couch, Jaehyun’s hands gripping his ass for dear life while Doyoung rides him, Jaehyun clears his mind. Vocalizes the words he keeps inside just a tad more.
“You look so good like this,” Jaehyun compliments, eyes drifting to where his cock disappears and reappears.
“Yeah?” Doyoung asks, pants really.
Jaehyun squeezes his ass, brings a rough palm down on one of the cheeks and Doyoung gasps, leaning forward so Jaehyun can have a closer inspection of his chest. Already blooming marks along the skin, he kisses them roughly.
“Faster,” he asks, groaning satisfiedly when Doyoung picks up the pace. His finger lightly traces where Doyoung is stretched around his cock, applying the slightest pressure, and it has Doyoung arching his back, moaning louder than usual as he comes for the second time this evening.
Jaehyun roots his feet in the floor, fucking up fast until he reaches his peak. He knows Doyoung is sensitive, but the fucked out expression on his face as Jaehyun continues to rail him is worth it.
And this is how the evenings go.
Doyoung never stays over because he works on Sunday and his apartment is an hour away from Jaehyun’s. It’s just more convenient if he leaves, this is what Doyoung tells him.
Jaehyun thinks that’s fine. He goes to work, he comes home, he chats with his friends occasionally, and on Saturday when he’s in the middle of lunch he gets a text from Doyoung and once again he thinks his life right now is pretty great.
He ignores the slight pang in his chest here and there because what good could acknowledging a mild discomfort do for him now? Things are good, they’re convenient, and Jaehyun will deal with it this way for the time being.
“Jaehyun, you’re still single, right?”
They’re crowded around the kitchen table in their large apartment. It was a Friday night and Taeyong had invited him over for wine. This also meant that he’d be having wine with Johnny, Yuta, and Donghyuck who’d really invited himself over, but no one would ever complain about that. And by default, because Taeyong is obsessed with his best friend, Doyoung was there too.
They’re separated, sitting at opposite ends of the table, but Jaehyun feels the heat of his stare. He ignores it, taking a sip of wine before answering his friend.
“Are you asking me out, Yuta?”
Yuta shoves at him, taking a mouthful of noodles as he speaks around his food. “You wish. I just know this guy at work. He’s your type.”
“I don’t have a type,” Jaehyun says, and there’s a couple of laughs around the table from that.
Donghyuck clears his throat, “You definitely have a type.”
Jaehyun’s cheeks tingle, settling back in his chair preparing himself for the verbal lashings of his friends.
“You like pretty guys, dark hair.”
Jaehyun rolls his eyes, “That could be any man.”
“A ha!” Taeyong says with a snap of his fingers, undoubtedly feeling the effects of the wine. “Any man, but it’ll always be your man.”
Johnny snickers, agreeing in a way that makes Jaehyun pout. He’s sitting beside Doyoung and of course he ropes him into the conversation.
“You agree, right?”
Doyoung nods, taking a sip of his wine and Jaehyun is unable to take his eyes away from him. He looks good tonight. A dark sweater keeping him warm. His hair looks fluffier than usual and Jaehyun wonders if he’s changed his conditioner.
“I don’t know. Our Jaehyun seems to be more into personality than looks, anyway.”
The table collectively hums, coming to a sort of agreement with that. Jaehyun smiles, “Thank you. I’m not shallow.”
“Whatever man, should I give my co-worker your number?”
Jaehyun shakes his head, “I’m okay.”
“Seriously? He’s really hot and a little fun to talk to here and there. Besides, you haven’t been dating anyone for a while.”
Jaehyun’s last relationship was a year ago. He’s okay with how things ended and he wasn’t necessarily jumping to find a new partner after that, but that loneliness that creeps up reminds him of it. Doyoung watches him, but so does the rest of the group. Jaehyun shrugs, picking around his food a bit.
“I appreciate the sentiment, but I’m good.”
“Maybe he’s getting laid and we just don’t know about it,” Johnny says, and there’s a few giggles, but the silence from Jaehyun punctuates the air. It’s long enough for his friends to take notice, but Taeyong’s eyes widen, two cute little black marbles in his head. “Forreal?”
“What?” Jaehyun says, unable to hide his blush from his ears and cheeks.
“Oh shit! He is getting some!” Donghyuck points to his ears and Jaehyun frowns around his glass of wine.
“Oh man, you should’ve told us! Is it someone we know?”
Jaehyun coughs, clearing his throat, “It’s nothing serious, we’re just sleeping together. And no, it’s no one you know. Someone from work.”
This is great information for the table regardless. Of the group of them, Jaehyun is usually quite private about his sex life. They all always knew who Yuta was sleeping with, but they’d had to wrestle the information about Jaehyun’s ex out of him. It’s not that he wants to keep things from his friends, he’s just a little pessimistic occasionally. He’s used to things being good, but sometimes they aren’t. As proven by his last relationship.
What he and Doyoung had wasn’t really a relationship of hearts. They were attracted to each other sexually. That’s all. Sometimes Jaehyun thought it was cute the way Doyoung rolled over after a good orgasm, the silly smile on his face when it’s too good. Occasionally they share a few kisses at the door and Jaehyun is close to asking him to stay over, but that’s all normal. Doyoung’s a good kisser, of course Jaehyun wants to indulge.
“Well, I’m happy for you,” Johnny lifts his glass and a few of them follow his lead. Jaehyun snorts, but he nods nonetheless, pointedly ignoring the look Doyoung is giving him across the table.
The next few weeks are busier than Jaehyun would prefer, but he enjoys the work he does so he knows that all the time put into grading assignments and helping students a bit longer after classes is worth it.
He hasn’t seen Doyoung in two weeks, and that’s okay, he thinks. They still text occasionally. Nothing too long, just to see how they’re doing. One Saturday, the third week of essentially being holed up in his place, Jaehyun sends a picture of his pile of assignments to Doyoung.
You poor thing.
Haha. It’s a lot, though.
How are u spending the night?
The reply takes a little longer than he’d think, but when he gets it Jaehyun’s phone nearly slips out of his hand. Doyoung sends a picture to him, lying in bed with a shirt too big for his already broad chest, hanging low to reveal his throat. Doyoung pouts in the picture, his go-to for a selfie, and his hair flops messily into his eyes. Jaehyun sits stunned for a few seconds at how gorgeous he is.
Resting
You look good
Jaehyun exhales softly, somehow managing to get that out. His gut twists and then his phone rings and he thinks that Doyoung must be out to get him.
He doesn’t want to seem too eager, picking up halfway through the second ring rather than the first.
“Hi,” Doyoung says, innocently enough. It is just a hi, nothing more or less. Jaehyun responds, ensuring his notes have been saved as he shuts his laptop. He repeats, clearing his throat around the word, “Hi.”
Doyoung snickers and Jaehyun is unsure of what he is in for, but his back feels rigid and he picks around one of his thumbs while they talk.
“Sorry, I called so suddenly, but—”
“I don’t mind. I’ve been grading assignments for hours. I needed a distraction.”
Doyoung hums, his voice maintaining that touch of coyness, but Jaehyun won’t be fooled that easily. “I can be a distraction.”
His thighs stretch open unconsciously, and the heat rises in his cheeks.
That evening Jaehyun finds out that the only thing filthier than Doyoung’s mouth in person is his mouth over the phone. Miles away somewhere in the city where Jaehyun can’t touch him, can’t press him down and fuck him till he’s drowsy. Perhaps that’s why it feels more intense, Doyoung spewing everything his mind can think of while Jaehyun strokes his cock.
“Are you close?”
Jaehyun nods, chin against his chest, phone left on speaker now. Then his delayed brain remembers he is alone. “Yeah.”
Doyoung lets out a soft noise, panting while he fingers himself. Jaehyun can hear it, the sounds he makes from the actions. His head falls back against the couch, muscles tensing as he starts to fondle his balls.
“Shit. I wish you were here.”
Jaehyun, delusional, feels a sweeping heat all through his body at those words. “You do?”
“No one has fucked me like you.”
It’s a great compliment, but something inside of him wilts at the words, not enough to tone down his erection, but enough of a reminder to have him racing to the point of completion. He starts fucking up into his hand as their moans grown in tandem. Doyoung cums first, the crack in his voice an indication and it spurs Jaehyun right to the edge. Back arched against the cushions, cum dripping down his hand and on his shirt.
“Dammit.”
He can hear the smile in Doyoung’s voice, “Not satisfied?”
“I got cum on my shirt. I like this shirt,” he complains, nearly whining, and the sound makes Doyoung giggle.
“I’ll buy you a new one. A thank you for the best dick I’ve gotten in years.”
“Just years?” Jaehyun asks, greedy, needy, wiping cum off his hand before it dries.
“Don’t push it, brat.”
He smiles despite himself, “Alright, alright. Do you—”
“Have you got a lot of work to do?”
He does, but he also enjoys hearing Doyoung like this. Listless after a nice orgasm, speaking quietly into the phone. Jaehyun reaches for it to turn off the speaker so he can get a better feel of his tone right into the cup of his ear.
“I do, but—”
“But?”
It's harmless, it has to be. There is nothing wrong with asking for a little more time.
“We could . . . keep talking.” He says the words as if unsure of himself, he tugs at the front of his bangs feeling out of his depth right now. Doyoung is silent for longer than what’s deemed comforting, but before Jaehyun can rescind his words that silence is filled.
“I like talking,” Doyoung says. It eases him, makes him smile in a way that he hopes Doyoung can pick up despite being so far away. “Are you going to keep smiling like an idiot or tell me about your day?”
Jaehyun does both.
If he had to choose the biggest flaw with his friends it was their unquenchable desire to know everything. Didn’t matter if it was someone they personally knew, or a friend of a friend of a friend’s cousin—someone would spill the beans. Jaehyun considers this thought perhaps the reason that he has kept his weekly fuck sessions with Doyoung to a minimum of two people. Himself and Doyoung. Besides, they were the only two participants, who else mattered in that scenario? There’s a brief misshapen one evening, a Thursday. A rare time for Jaehyun to be away from his home, but Taeyong invited him over because their apartment had cashed in on a new entertainment system and they wanted the approval of one of their friends. Jaehyun was technically free so it was no big deal.
He sits back on the comfortable leather, always amazed by the quality of the items in this apartment. From the couch, to the carpets. He guesses this is what you get with three well paid guys living together. A testament of time when you compared it to what their rooms looked like back in university days.
“It’s nice,” Jaehyun says, nodding for emphasis, crossing his legs as he gets comfortable. Crisp quality television and immaculate surround sound. “I could get used to this.”
Johnny rounds the chair and jumps into the spot next to Jaehyun, his weight sinking into the leather smoothly.
“Jaehyun approved!”
Jaehyun snickers as he reaches forward for his beer, taking a swig to add to the comfort of the evening. Taeyong interrupts his placid train of thoughts, rubbing his fingers through Jaehyun’s hair, mussing the strands. He leans into it with a smile.
“Wanna hang out on Saturday? I’m thinking of trying this new restaurant near my job.”
Jaehyun hesitates. He’d already confirmed plans for Doyoung to come over. Had he not done that the day prior, Taeyong would be all his.
“Sorry, I can’t.”
Taeyong grumbles, sidles up to his side with a pout on his face, wrapping himself around Jaehyun as if he were in his early twenties and not pushing thirty.
“How can you be too busy for your best friend?!”
Jaehyun pats his head soothingly, continuing to smile. “I’m never too busy for you. Can we go on Sunday instead?”
Taeyong nods, but he doesn’t seem appeased just yet. “Sure, but what are you doing on Saturday that you’re too good for dinner with me?”
Jaehyun curses his ears and the way they redden under any circumstance. He reaches for his beer again as he answers. “Just busy with stuff. Nothing serious.”
Johnny swipes the beer from his hand, and Jaehyun grumbles at the intrusion. “Hey.”
“Spill.”
See.
Jaehyun reaches for the beer again and Taeyong pipes up at his other side.
“Is this about the mysterious man you’re fucking? I’m offended you haven’t introduced us yet! It’s been like, what? A month?”
Actually, it’s been two months and a week, but Jaehyun swears he isn’t counting. He exhales, knowing he won’t be able to bullshit his way out of this further. They don’t need all the details, just a bone to keep them satisfied.
“Yes, it’s that mysterious man.”
“I can’t believe you’re being dicked down so regularly that you’re starting to forget about us.”
Jaehyun pouts, annoyed with his friend's exaggeration, but needing to confirm that this isn’t what is happening. “It’s nothing serious, I promise. Nothing to get worked up about.”
There’s an odd silence then and Johnny and Taeyong share a look between each other. They were both his best friends, they probably knew him better than anyone else in the world if you combined both of their Jaehyun knowledge into one sphere. And just as well, Jaehyun knows when his friends are on the cusp of a lecture.
“Since when do you do long term casual?” Johnny says first, breaking the sudden tension.
Jaehyun shrugs because he knows it’s a first for him. Usually, he was all in. With his feelings, with his effort and time. This feels like something opposite of what he’s grown to do.
“It’s just what’s best for us right now.”
“Best for the both of you or just him?” Taeyong soothes a hand along his thigh. He’d been a little harsh on his friends and their more than obnoxious inquisitive nature, but it was only a slight hitch in what they meant to him. He knew just how much they cared for him, more than they cared to know the face or name of the person he was sleeping with.
He does think, however, if they knew it was Doyoung the state of this conversation would drastically shift.
“For both of us,” Jaehyun admits, and that’s as truthful as he can get. “Yeah it’s new for me, but I’m enjoying myself. It’s easy this way.”
Johnny curls closer to him, he’s six foot two and knows how to bunch himself into the tiniest ball. Jaehyun snickers at his antics as he’s suddenly comforted by his two best friends. He’s grateful for their decision to trust him on this one.
“Just be careful, Jaehyun.”
Thankfully, he’s been telling himself that from the start.
He thinks he’s being pretty careful, but things start to feel a little different over the next few weeks. Not in a bad way, in fact, Jaehyun hasn’t felt this level of comfort with a sexual partner in a very long time. Perhaps ever. The only thing confusing about it all was that he and Doyoung were just that. Sexual partners.
So when Doyoung meets him after one of his classes, at the time that he knows Jaehyun has a gap in lecturing, he tries to stop the pounding of his heart as he approaches him. A greasy bag of McDonald’s in his hand as they find shade in one of the sitting areas of campus.
“Seriously, Doyoung? That shit is terrible for you.”
“This is fine dining,” Doyoung defends while unwrapping his Big Mac. Jaehyun giggles as they talk about their day. Doyoung has a lighter schedule today and he made the trip to Jaehyun’s campus more on a whim than anything.
“Just wanted to see you. Is that strange?” Doyoung asks, chewing around his fries.
Jaehyun’s stomach clenches, “Not strange.”
Despite his words it feels strange when he reaches out to wipe the sauce at Doyoung’s mouth, to lick his thumb after and see the way Doyoung blushes at the gesture.
When one of his students sees them, waves at him in excitement and teases him about bringing his boyfriend to campus, Jaehyun has to explain how that isn’t the case and Doyoung is a good friend. Beside him Doyoung is strangely quiet, but by the end of the meal he’s back to being chatty, a bit of an ass, and Jaehyun likes this.
Likes meeting up with him after work so they can fuck, too.
Jaehyun presses him face first into the wall and Doyoung clings to the paint, desperate and whining. Jaehyun thinks he’s beautiful like this, and his heart races a beautiful tune in his chest.
He’s being careful, he thinks, when Doyoung lingers at the door with kisses, when Jaehyun convinces him to come back in with the enticing curl of his lips.
He just isn’t sure what the word careful means in this scenario anymore.
If he thinks back hard enough, Jaehyun can recall the feeling he had when he realized he had a crush for the first time. He was twelve and he remembers that being around this one person always made his stomach flip for some odd reason. He was kind, a little older, and always made the room explode in laughter. Jaehyun’s first crush was Johnny. It quickly evaporated once Jaehyun realized that perhaps his interest in Johnny was more platonic than anything.
Nonetheless, they’ve been friends the longest. They spent years apart going to different high schools, but they’d somehow ended up at the same university and it was then that Jaehyun admitted his puppy love crush on Johnny when they were kids. Johnny had been flattered, but at this point they were different in ways that just weren’t compatible romantically.
They’ve made out a few times during those years, but that’ll happen with a little too much soju.
All that being said, Jaehyun doesn’t think he’s had a crush since his first one on Johnny when he was twelve.
His list of romantic partners is short. He’s been in two long term relationships and he’s hooked up with people in between. He can’t recall those silly moths in his belly in the days leading up to being with his partners. He just remembers they liked each other, the company was nice, and the sex was good—maybe just alright with his ex.
Doyoung passes a cup of hot chocolate to him, reaching over Donghyuck to do so, and Jaehyun feels his belly catch on fire inside at the smile he receives.
Oh shit.
It’s nearing the holidays and Donghyuck has a big family so they invite over all of his friends as usual. Each year they make time if they can to spend at the Lee family home and this year is no different.
The weather has chilled significantly, entering the middle of November, and Jaehyun is thankful for the warmth of family friends and of course hot chocolate.
What he doesn’t need right now is that same heat spreading in his belly, butterflies just dancing in delight at the smallest expression from Doyoung.
His goal for the evening is to get through it in one piece.
He’s twenty-seven for fuck’s sake. He doesn’t get crushes and definitely not on his friends who he may or may not have been sleeping with for three months now.
Except that’s exactly what it feels like when he catches the tail end of Doyoung laughing. When he starts to sing Christmas songs because someone may or may not have spiked the hot chocolate and Donghyuck, Doyoung, and Mark loved a karaoke session.
But seeing Doyoung move so effortlessly, lovingly, through the space makes Jaehyun have to avert his gaze more than once.
Later in the night Mrs. Lee asks Jaehyun to help bring out some more of the desserts with her.
Donghyuck nags about her picking favorites, and Mrs. Lee calls Jaehyun her second son.
He’s happy to help so he finds himself in the kitchen as they get ready to bring out the tray of macaroons and other sweets.
What he doesn’t expect in the kitchen is Doyoung, keeping a glass of water close to his chest as he hovers in the corner.
“Doyoung, sweetie, give us a hand?” Mrs. Lee says, and he quickly sets his cup down to gather a tray of his own.
“You’re on help duty tonight again?” Doyoung sort of whispers, tone lower than necessary in Jaehyun’s opinion.
He’s a tough one, though, and finding all of Doyoung’s words a little soothing will not deter him from carrying out his task. They start to head back to the kitchen when Doyoung smiles over at him awaiting his response.
“Aren’t I always?” Jaehyun says, and Doyoung knocks along his shoulder gently, a small nudge, and his heart picks up in his chest along with the butterflies in his stomach.
The crowd in the living room cheers at their arrival and Mrs. Lee shoos them back in the kitchen for the stuff they couldn’t carry.
Back inside before he can reach for the tray, Doyoung catches his attention again.
“You’ve got—” he starts to snicker. Jaehyun’s eyes widen, confused before Doyoung leans closer to wipe at something that had been on his nose. “How didn’t you feel the foam there from the cocoa?”
Jaehyun grumbles, feeling the slight stick on the tip of his nose now that Doyoung has rubbed it away.
“Someone put whiskey in my hot chocolate, I’m sure.”
Doyoung covers his smile with his hands, “Johnny said you wanted it!”
“True, but I’m still gonna give you shit for it. In the Lee residence? Where’s your decorum, Doyoung?”
He isn’t sure when they gathered so close, but now they’re giggling in the kitchen, speaking lowly to each other as if swapping secrets. Jaehyun notices how Doyoung easily curls against him when he laughs. In the past if this has ever happened, there was that odd tension he could feel before all this.
Now, Doyoung is relaxed, loose. Jaehyun feels just the same.
“As long as Mama Lee doesn’t find out, we’re good.”
Jaehyun smiles, “Shh, she’s got the hearing of a bat.”
Doyoung’s hand shoves at him slightly and then it rests right along his waist. It’s not intentional, but Jaehyun feels it through the layers of his sweater, his t-shirt, and all the protective skin meant to keep his body intact.
There’s a slow moment where Jaehyun can only hear the sudden pounding of his heart in his chest, and man he doesn’t recall his crush on Johnny being this brutal. Even the ridiculousness of it all. Has he got a crush on Doyoung?
He wonders how loud his thoughts are because there’s a small flush along Doyoung’s cheeks, pink as his eyes hold Jaehyun’s own.
He’s not sure who leans in first, but they kiss, a brief one.
When they pull back, Doyoung has shoved a hand between them to give distance, but he covers his smile with the other.
Jaehyun reaches up to hold the back of Doyoung’s hand that presses against his chest. He searches for Doyoung’s eyes, “What is it?”
“Sorry, it’s just a bit—I felt silly for kissing you then.”
So, he leaned in first.
“It’s okay, I don’t mind you kissing me,” Jaehyun’s voice was quieter than the earth before anyone knew where they were. He feels vulnerable and peeled open right now. Something he hasn’t felt in a very long time.
“Of course you don’t mind that, but I—”
“You mind?”
Doyoung shakes his head and then he makes a noise with his teeth, he suddenly looks frustrated. Jaehyun wants to comfort him, placing a hand on his shoulder. This feels like the closest thing to platonic since they walked back in the kitchen together.
“Hey,” he starts off, trying to find Doyoung’s gaze again. The hair has fallen a tad in his eyes, but Jaehyun can see the glimmer that they shield. “I know this is—usually ya know. When we—”
“Have hot sex, yes?”
Jaehyun chokes, but it lightens the tension between them. He isn’t sure how to word his thoughts, but he nods at that statement.
“No one saw us,” Jaehyun says. “It’s okay.”
Something tells him those aren’t the right words because Doyoung’s eyes for a second look briefly horrified and he feels a yank in his intestines at the expression.
“Ma said—”
He blinks up as Donghyuck enters the kitchen, a spring in his step halted briefly as he takes in the two of them.
Whatever look Doyoung had given him is gone now and Jaehyun misses the warmth before that terrified look in his eyes.
“What’s the hold up!” Donghyuck barrels forward, and starts to shove them. Doyoung laughs and berates Donghyuck for pushing his elders, and he doesn’t address Jaehyun properly for the rest of the night. He seems okay despite this. And Jaehyun thinks maybe that’s okay, then.
Maybe they’re okay.
For the next few weeks Doyoung forgoes coming over, says he just needs time for himself a weekend or two and Jaehyun is a believer in taking time.
It does feel a little lonelier without him those weeks, so he takes some time of his own to compose, to see his other friends, and things don’t feel so bad.
He does crack one evening, a Monday of all days, as he texts Doyoung and asks him how he’s been. It takes two days to receive a response and it’s lackluster at best.
Jaehyun had a terrible feeling that something wrong had happened.
He tends to keep a lot inside, positive and negative, and it’s no wonder his friends notice.
His friends being Taeyong who’d come over to his place for a change. He says Yuta was pissing him off lately about something and he needed some space.
Jaehyun is used to having Taeyong over, but it’s during this time that Taeyong brings something truthful to the surface.
“It’s been ages since you’ve invited me here.”
Jaehyun feels slight shame at that, but Taeyong is quick to bat his hands and excuse his friend.
“Don’t worry, loser, if I needed to come over I would. Besides, you’ve been preoccupied. I don’t need to barge in one day to see your ass in the air or something.”
“Yong,” Jaehyun whines. It effectively gets Taeyong to lay off a bit, but that only opens a new can of worms.
“How’s that going by the way? Not gonna lie, you seem a little down.”
Jaehyun snorts, “It’s okay. We’ve been taking a bit of a break, but he’s just needed some time alone ya know? No big deal.”
Taeyong laughs, but it sounds a little bitter. “Come on, Jaehyun. We’re not shitty college kids anymore. You can let the nonchalance go. I know more than anyone how soft you are inside.”
Taeyong has seen him at his lowest. During his first heartbreak in high school. He knows why Jaehyun will be twenty eight in three months and has dated two people properly in his entire life. He loves with all he’s got and the feeling of losing it is soul crushing, mind numbing.
Jaehyun drags a hand through his hair, cursing to no one in particular, but maybe himself.
“What did you do?” Taeyong says and Jaehyun wants to ask why he assumed the worst of him, but instead he just comes out with it. A chilly December night, sat cozy beside his best friend.
“It’s Doyoung.”
Taeyong’s eyebrows quirk for a moment, probably completely thrown off course at the mention of his best friend.
Jaehyun elaborates, “The mysterious man I’ve been sleeping with, Kim Doyoung.”
Taeyong blinks once, twice, and then a smile breaks out onto his face as he shoves at Jaehyun hard enough to knock him back a little.
“No fucking way!”
Jaehyun blushes, shrugs, and Taeyong pulls him into a headlock, “Why didn’t you tell me! Why didn’t—that bastard didn’t tell me either! This is amazing—Johnny—”
Jaehyun grumbled then, “See. This is why we didn’t say anything at first. You all can’t stop gossiping for two seconds.”
Taeyong pulls back, folding his arms across his chest, but conceding. “Fine, but this is so—oh of fucking course! Is it weird that I’m surprised, but not surprised? Like, this was the natural progression of things considering it all.”
“Considering all of what?”
Taeyong shrugs, “Doyoung thinks you’re hot, but like so do all of us. But he’s thought it since college.”
Jaehyun’s ears burn, thinking of all those heated moments they’ve shared recently and the regret filling Jaehyun’s gut silently wishing he’d been there sooner. Kissed Doyoung sooner, felt his skin and his touch. He’d never thought Doyoung ever found him attractive despite knowing what people think of him.
“You’re such an airhead sometimes, Jae.”
“Finding someone hot isn’t enough to start sleeping with them.”
“Figures,” Taeyong says. “Took you both like a fucking decade.”
“It hasn’t been that long technically,” Jaehyun points out and Taeyong flicks at his forehead the way he used to do in high school.
“Now, what did you do to my best friend?”
“I’m your best friend,” Jaehyun says.
“My other best friend, the love of my life.”
Jaehyun snorts, but then he settles back in the chair, trying to wrap his brain around it all.
“I don’t know,” he says and he means that from his heart. “I didn’t want to make it about myself. He needed some space.”
Taeyong shakes his head, “There’s things about Doyoung I can’t begin to explain to you. You have to just pick up on them and learn by yourself.”
Jaehyun’s brain supplies a list, unbidden. How long Doyoung prefers to shower, the way he rolls his neck when he’s a little too sleepy and doesn’t want to head home as quickly as usual, the way his voice strains after a tiring week, and the way it loosens and unravels when Jaehyun takes him apart.
“What are you thinking?” Taeyong looks at him warily.
“Nothing just—”
“Oh, God, you’re completely gone aren’t you?”
Jaehyun blushes at that and perhaps for once he will allow Taeyong to be right. His face falls forward against the cushions and he groans. “This is stupid.”
Taeyong ruffles his hair, “Go talk to him you buffoon.”
Jaehyun hasn’t felt like words have defined him so clearly in a very long time.
He does eventually get to talk to Doyoung, showing up at his apartment on a Tuesday night. He’d rushed over after work because the conversation with Taeyong had been gnawing at his brain all weekend and he’d barely managed to sleep on Monday. He refused to go another day like that.
He should’ve been smarter, should’ve texted Doyoung to give a heads up about his arrival.
Instead he shows up like a buffoon as Taeyong had called him.
Middle of December, not dressed warmly enough for the bite of the cold against his cheeks.
Doyoung lives an hour away from him so the commute was spent with him gathering his thoughts and then immediately losing them when he made it in front of Doyoung’s apartment.
He hasn’t been to Doyoung’s place in maybe a year. Not since around the time of his birthday. It’s a building much smaller than Jaehyun’s, very few apartments, but still he isn’t sure which. There are six buzzers so he tries his luck with all of them.
There’s no response for the first two and the third one comes from a child's voice, and while Doyoung loved kids he definitely didn’t have any. He tries his hand at another when he gets an unfamiliar voice.
“Hello, is Doyoung there?”
“Who are you?”
“It’s Jaehyun. We’re friends. I just—if he’s there can you ask him to speak to me.”
There’s silence from the other end before the voice comes back on, “I’ll take a message for him.”
Jaehyun grits his teeth, briefly determined to wait out here all night, but he’s got no idea where Doyoung is and how long it’ll be so he supposes he can try again another day.
“Just tell him that Jaehyun stopped by. I want to see him and talk with him. Also, there’s some of his things at my place and I’ve decided I like seeing them there.”
There’s a slight snicker that comes through the intercom and Jaehyun feels mortification color his cheeks.
“What are you doing?”
He turns around at the sound of the voice he’s been desperate to hear for a little over two weeks now.
Doyoung stands there with a shopping bag in his hands, groceries, and he’s chewing on a snack. It looks like candy.
“Doyoung, what—”
“Wrong apartment!” the voice from the intercom booms.
Jaehyun turns around sharply—he feels played.
“I thought that was—your roommate he—”
“My roommate is in Taiwan for the next few weeks visiting his family,” Doyoung snickers. “I don’t know who you were talking to.”
“Shit,” Jaehyun runs his fingers through his full head of hair, feeling coldness settle in his hands. “This is—”
“Embarrassing? Yes.”
Jaehyun sucks in a breath and takes in the sight of him. Doyoung is handsome, beautiful, cute, and all at once. He doesn’t think he’s had such terribly corny thoughts about someone in years.
“Well, since you’re here unannounced and uninvited, you can at least help me cook dinner.”
The words sting, but Jaehyun is thrilled by the invitation inside.
It’s different being inside of Doyoung’s apartment. Before it was just that and nothing more, but he’s gotten closer to Doyoung in the past couple of months than he has in years and suddenly he sees everything about the place and can pinpoint what’s Doyoung’s doing and what’s not.
They don’t talk much, just light chatter as they prepare the meal together. Doyoung is making kimchi stew and Jaehyun has prepared it himself hundreds of times.
He’s chopping some veggies when Doyoung grumbles, “Why are you good at everything?”
Jaehyun smiles lightly, “My parents worked a lot so I had to learn or starve.”
Doyoung hums, incredibly close to him as he watches, arms crossed. Jaehyun thinks beneath this warm lighting in the kitchen Doyoung looks incredibly kissable. Like those times before something tells him his thoughts are not his own, and Doyoung blushes before chewing at his lip.
“Focus,” he says, a bite to his voice. Jaehyun nodded enthusiastically, but the smile was a good sign. Getting invited inside, cooking with Doyoung comfortably. It has to all mean something.
He wants to hold his thoughts in a little longer, but it claws at his belly threatening to burst its way out the longer he’s around Doyoung.
Doyoung is ladling stew into their bowls as Jaehyun pipes up, gathering rice from the pot into the other dishes.
“I like you,” he says, and somehow that sounds like an understatement to his ears. He can hear the moment Doyoung stops moving and he decides to power through. Shoveling the rice into the bowls, packing them densely. “More than like—I just—when I’m with you I feel light and airy, but it’s so heavy at the same time, ya know?”
Doyoung snorts at that, “Coward. You can’t even look at me while you tell me you love me?”
Jaehyun fumbles on the spot. And is that what this is? Love? Jaehyun has been in love, but he doesn’t think he’s ever been this infatuated with someone. So perhaps it just didn’t register as such.
He sets the bowl of rice down and when he looks at Doyoung he’s stunned silent by the expression on his face.
Doyoung who’s probably the most assertive of their friends, the most honest to the point where being blunt can sometimes toe the lines of rudeness. The most kind, from the swell of his feet to the tips of his hair. He’s surprised to see him looking so unsure and vulnerable. It’s a reflection of how Jaehyun has been feeling for weeks now. Months. If he’s bold, he’d even say years.
He recalls Taeyong’s words about the things he’s yet to learn about Doyoung, and Jaehyun files this away. Doyoung was upfront in most cases, but sometimes he needed a little more. Some type of reciprocation and affirmation. At least when love was involved.
Doyoung was right about him being a coward, and maybe that was in the past, but right now he’s not willing to let that side of him continue to anchor him to the ocean floor. He wants to make the decision on whether he drowns or not.
He’s not unsure when he reaches for Doyoung, when he kisses him. There is no question on who moves first. He kisses him there, warmer than the pot of stew, and Doyoung thankfully kisses him back. Jaehyun feels a lock tying in his heart and it’s devastatingly good, but painful. He lets out a ragged breath, “Fuck.”
Doyoung kisses him back assuredly, keeping them close as they abandon the kitchen and the food that had heavenly smells for something more meaningful.
Doyoung’s room is tidy and a little cute with the penguin plushie on the bed, but he chucks it aside as they lie there, taking each other's clothing off reverently. With each layer removed and Doyoung’s skin revealed to him, Jaehyun can’t take his eyes away. Greedily grabbing him, kissing him, holding him. He sucks his way down Doyoung’s body, cock in his throat, suckles gently as his sac and indulgently eats him out until he’s demanding Jaehyun stop because he’s close to coming.
Jaehyun thinks selfishly that he wants him to come so he can have him again and again all through the night.
He shows mercy, lubing up his fingers as he opens Doyoung up tenderly. His hands are soft, but he chews at the side of his thigh, the muscle giving to the bite of his teeth.
“Trying to eat me?” Doyoung says around a moan when he angles his fingers nicely.
“Did that already,” Jaehyun points out and it earns him a whack at the side of the head from Doyoung. The proximity encourages him to kiss his way back up, fingers still fucking in roughly. The moans Doyoung lets out are something straight out of a fantasy, but it’s all real. His breath, his whimpers, the way his cock leaks.
Jaehyun pulls his fingers out, rolls a condom on as he positions himself. Doyoung has turned on his front, pressing his hands tightly along the pillow as Jaehyun sinks in deep.
“Fucking hell.” Doyoung groans deep in his chest.
Jaehyun starts kissing up his spine, latches onto his neck as he starts to fuck him hard. Deep into the mattress with hopes of forming an indentation of their love making.
He kisses Doyoung’s neck, licks along it with the flat of his tongue and Doyoung whines at that, begging him to fuck him harder.
He does that, angling his hips down faster, hand tucked along Doyoung’s hip.
Jaehyun watches the way his back curves, the sweat lingering along the skin, the smile etched slightly along Doyoung’s face as he turns his head to watch. Jaehyun is breathless, stomach tightening and it’s like that first time again.
“Doyoung,” his pace quickens, and beneath him Doyoung is stroking his own cock, encouraging Jaehyun to come since he’s also close to that point.
They come together, quietly compared to all the noise they’d been making prior.
After cleaning up, Jaehyun is wrapped in Doyoung’s arms, feeling content and warm.
“I know I said I’d never pass out after sex again, but fuck.”
Doyoung rubs his ear soothingly, “You have my permission.”
“What are you, the warden?”
Doyoung peers down at him and Jaehyun’s heart flutters. He feels himself smiling, blushing.
“Thought so.”
He falls asleep curled into Doyoung’s side. They’ll talk in the morning.
When he wakes up they barely do any talking. What the darkened early morning light sees from them is said with very little words.
They’d both woken up hard and Doyoung had slipped his hands between Jaehyun’s legs to stroke his cock.
Now, he’s got two fingers pressed inside of Jaehyun. Caging him close to the bed as he keeps Jaehyun planted on his side, back along his chest.
“Fuck,” Doyoung says, a compliment edging in his voice. “You’re so hot like this. I need to fuck you more.”
The tips of his fingers roll gently along Jaehyun’s prostate and he starts seeing stars. He whines low in his throat, “Please.”
“How is it?”
Jaehyun nods against the sheets, feels a sweet ache all throughout his body as he groans. He’s louder than usual when he’s on the receiving end of things, but it feels too good.
“That’s not an answer,” Doyoung fits another finger inside of him, smiles against the skin of his neck, kisses it softly and Jaehyun cries out again, a low rumble.
“It’s good,” he manages to choke out, melting deep into the sheets.
Everywhere they’re connected his skin is on fire. He wants Doyoung to keep taking him apart like this.
It's not the first time Doyoung has fingered him, won’t be the first time he’s fucked him either. It’s a rarity because they knew what they liked with each other, but not happening often made these moments that much better.
Doyoung replaces his fingers with his cock and slow fucks Jaehyun on his side for about an hour.
“You’re a menace,” Jaehyun complains, face flushed beyond repair as Doyoung slows down for the nth time.
“It’s so warm in here, I don’t wanna stop.”
Jaehyun shifts his leg, Doyoung’s grip tightening along the flesh of his thigh, and he pants, pleads, “Don’t stop.”
He isn’t sure when he comes, but it’s when the sky has started filling in with shades of blue that are brighter and more fitting for the daytime. Jaehyun passes out again.
It’s over a late brunch that they talk. Doyoung watching him struggle with the fancy coffee machine and then helping him in the end. Jaehyun smiles down at him, his own hair must look like the fluffy mess that Doyoung’s resembles.
They’re both clad in t-shirts and briefs, but nothing more.
From this angle, leaning against the counter, hair a mess and cheeks tinged pink, Jaehyun no longer holds back on his thoughts.
“You’re beautiful.”
Doyoung snorts, but Jaehyun can see his flush deepen.
“I’ve been told,” he says. He looks up and Jaehyun kisses him there in the kitchen, his stomach turning on itself.
Sharing glances across the table while drinking their coffee Jaehyun apologizes.
“I wish I’d told you sooner.”
“How soon?” Doyoung asks, his feet knock gently into Jaehyun’s and he appreciates the comfort. The small sign to keep going.
“Honestly I’ve been attracted to you for so many years, I just repressed it for a while.”
Doyoung shakes his head, “You’re not very bright for a professor.”
Jaehyun curls his mouth down, but he agrees.
“I wasn’t sure what I wanted out of this initially, but I just—that first night I couldn’t stop thinking about you.” It was a dam of emotions he’d kept away, and it all poured out after that. “You’re all I think about, it’s a little distracting.”
“You don’t think I’m distracted?” Doyoung says, a small pout on his lips. “Did you think I could get fucked like that by you of all people and be all cool about it?”
“Me?”
Doyoung nudges his toe, “You. Sweet Jaehyun. Lovely Jaehyun. Everyone’s best friend.”
“I wasn’t your best friend,” he says, because it was the truth. Doyoung nods in agreement. “No, and that was okay. I never imagined a time where we’d ever get to that point. This…made more sense.”
Jaehyun blushes, “So, you’d thought about it before?”
“Don’t get a big head, alright?” Doyoung releases a breath, his words said more to the air than to Jaehyun himself. "The way you look at me sometimes . . . how could I not?"
"Was I that obvious?" Jaehyun feels slightly mortified. All his years of pushing thoughts away doing no good if he was caught regardless. Doyoung smiles, his cheeks dimpled the slightest. He demonstrates by pinching his thumb and forefinger together. "A tad."
Learning that they’d shared this mutual attraction means more to him than just what it says at the surface. Years of tension answered and reciprocated.
He can’t help the way he smiles, reaching forward with a hand to hold Doyoung’s fingers gently. The touch gives Doyoung the courage to say his portion, too.
“I don’t want this to just be a fuck and leave thing, anymore.” he looks up, plays with their fingers together. “I want a relationship. How do you feel about that?”
“I’m a little in love with you, I think,” Jaehyun says in response, catching the way Doyoung’s dark eyes immediately darken, a pit of tar.
“You need to be sure if you want anything to do with me,” Doyoung says, blunt and unforgiving, but Jaehyun only curls his fingers tighter.
“I can do that,” Jaehyun says, slowly pulling Doyoing’s hand towards him. Kissing the knuckles more than necessary, he feels the heat of Doyoung’s gaze before he sees it. “Do you have plans today?”
Doyoung shakes his head, deep dark eyes staring at him.
Pretty guys, dark hair. That’s your type.
Jaehyun wanted to add at the moment, when his friends were being a relentless pain in his ass, and dark eyes. Don’t forget the eyes.
After sending an email cancelling his classes for the day, he spends the rest of the afternoon showing Doyoung just how completely sure he is about his love for him.
They make good use of that incredibly fancy entertainment system during New Year’s Eve.
Johnny managed to find an old karaoke machine that he’d brought with him from the states a few years back and it’s got a bunch of fun American songs that they enjoy going through for the night. Jaehyun usually handles his drinks pretty well, but he realizes that drinking while being decidedly gone in the clouds makes the effects a whole lot worse.
He doesn’t really avoid it despite not sharing their news with their friends yet, but Jaehyun can’t stop staring at Doyoung. Smiling when he says something funny, in awe when he sings.
He enjoys seeing him exist, is that a crime?
Taeyong thinks it is, silently teasing him through the night in tones that other people can’t hear, but Jaehyun blushes, shoves him away, and takes another swig of soju.
During the one minute countdown for the new year, Jaehyun corners Doyoung in the kitchen.
Their friends are a few feet away, but they’re afforded the brief privacy of the wall blocking the view.
“And what do you think you’re doing?” Doyoung asks, but his neck and face are red from drinking as well, and by now Jaehyun is aware of the way he sounds when he’s teasing.
“I want a kiss,” he says simply, tucking his fingers into the front of Doyoung’s jean pocket. He rubs his fingers back and forth there, feeling the fabric mindlessly. Their friends are at ten, but they start kissing before that. Jaehyun sucks on his tongue, tilts Doyoung’s head upward to kiss him deeper.
Doyoung whimpers a little as they pull away, whispers faintly how he feels about Jaehyun, words they haven’t said much since that first time, and it sends his heart into a wild race. It’s enough to have him pull Doyoung back in, have him open and eager once again.
They kiss for some time, but are eventually disrupted by a strangled noise. Jaehyun pulls away, dizzy, but his eyes widen at the scene that’s gathered in front of them.
“Holy shit,” Mark says, lips in a perfectly scandalized circular shape. Doyoung’s face falls in his hand, making a pained noise as their friends continue to gather around the scene.
“For the countdown,” Jaehyun offers weakly, barely able to contain his giggles. Doyoung shoves at him, a laugh coming past his mouth. Jaehyun reaches for him to ask for forgiveness and their friends proceed to make gagging noises behind them.
They explain over more drinks, and Jaehyun now stays happily curled against Doyoung’s side. Apparently, Donghyuck realized something was going on back in November when he’d walked in on them, and for the first time he miraculously kept his mouth shut.
Taeyong is rightfully berated for his knowledge, too, and they proceed to argue as Taeil claims he caught them somewhere Jaehyun doesn’t recall ever being.
Doyoung kisses his cheek like sweet jam, gathering his attention easily.
“Hmm?” Jaehyun blinks a few times.
“Can I come back to yours tonight?” Doyoung asks softly.
It’s a question that Jaehyun feels comes with an answer signed, sealed. He nods, feeling a healthy color bloom on his face at Doyoung’s returning smile.
His late twenties were treating him nicely from his home to his friends. The feeling of being full, sated, comes in full force when he thinks about Doyoung. Not a missing piece, but an addition to all the good.
Doyoung pulls him back into the comfort of their embrace as they continue to watch their friends drunkenly bicker about their relationship.
Jaehyun has gotten so used to this warmth, he doesn’t see himself giving it up any time soon.