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Early in the morning, as you had come to expect by now, the side of your bed dipped as it welcomed another occupant.
You weren’t sure exactly how long you had slept for, but the lightness of the room when you opened your eyes somewhat told you that it had been a full night. With a sleepy sigh, you accepted the arm that wrapped around your middle, bringing your hand down to rest over his as you felt him press closer. The warmth of his body against your back almost lulled you back to sleep. His warm breath fanned out against the back of your neck as he sighed, setting against the pillow.
“What time is it?” you asked, voice heavy with sleep.
“Early,” Dmitri replied. He sounded more awake than you were, at least.
Laying on your side with him at your back, you listened for any noise around the house. Bunker. Whatever Murray wanted to call it. When you had landed in America, you hadn’t been expecting that you would be spending your time cooped up with Murray, Yuri, and Dmitri. Murray had a guest bedroom and some couches. It was enough for the added company, but it was still a cramped place to stay. Which was something Murray made known a few times, and not exactly in the most polite way. Really, you couldn’t blame him. It was a lot, even for you sometimes.
You knew once you had gotten a new identity and citizenship, you would be free to leave and search for your own place. It’s not like you were able to get a loan or buy a house when you were supposed to be dead.
Unfortunately, war journalists disappeared or were killed. Once your correspondence home had stopped, it made sense that your family had assumed the worst. Which only left you in this strange limbo of being both alive and not, both captured and not, and you had come to the conclusion that nobody was coming for you.
For a long while, you had considered Kamchatka to be your final resting place–though, the notion of ‘rest’ was laughable in that place. While you knew the system had been abolished in the 50s, the prison felt like it was mixed with a GULAG at points. When you operated in secret, not even allowed to appear on maps, you figured they could operate in whatever way they wanted. While you hadn’t been put to labor, you had certainly been put through hell enough to leave you worn down and exhausted, which matched the other prisoners when you were transferred to a new wing of the prison.
Shortly after, you had figured out what they were housing in order to make the prison a secret.
The rest was almost a blur, showing up in bloody nightmares and lingered at the back of your mind. The fact that you were alive could largely be contributed to putting your faith in some people you barely knew at the time, two of which were missing from your current little group of refugees and you couldn’t say you exactly trusted Yuri.
Now there was this thing with Dmitri. It struck you as strange at times–that you would end up with someone who was formerly a guard at the prison you had spent a couple years trapped in. Never crossed paths with him until you were put on their version of death row, you supposed, and he could hardly be considered any authority then. A rocky alliance to begin with, then to people who were bonded by a similar traumatic event. Being forced into the same space for an extended time, it had allowed room for something to grow. Months of further bonding, similar worries and late nights. It had definitely grown beyond anything you could have pictured.
Which brought you back to the current moment, Dmitri’s mustache tickling the back of your neck as he pressed kisses along the back of your shoulder. You both had tried to keep things a little quiet, if only to avoid any strangeness around your current living space. Yet, you figured your relationship would have to be put out into the open eventually if you had to stay where you were any longer. Especially if you were now allowing him to invite himself into your bed.
With a small sigh, you rolled over so you could face him, the lingering sleepiness almost giving you the feeling like things were normal. That where you were or how you got there didn’t matter.
You reached up to pull him into a somewhat lazy kiss, relaxing further into the bed as you felt one of his hands cupping the side of your cheek. The press of his body against yours put a pit in your gut, one that kept cropping up when you were alone with Dmitri. There was a part of you that wanted to press things further, yet you were acutely aware of where you were. While you couldn’t exactly confirm, you assumed the walls were thin and you didn’t really want to be proven right in such a way.
With a small sigh out of your nose, you pushed lightly against his shoulders to break the kiss.
“If we push things more than this, they’ll definitely hear us,” you muttered.
“Oh?” Dmitri replied, leaning back somewhat but still kept a hand resting on your side that you were all too aware of at the moment, “I know how to keep quiet. Being a journalist, I thought you would know too.”
“Not in this context,” you replied, shifting up so you were in a sitting position as you fought the urge to roll your eyes. Still, at the light grin on his face, you couldn’t hide the one you gave him in return.
While you were ready to move on from the subject, an idea popped into your head. It made you pause somewhat, both in the sense that you analyzed it for a moment and that a part of you weighed if it was something you wanted to follow through on. You didn’t feel much resistance to it in general, and it wasn’t like you hadn’t let Dmitri in more than you really should’ve at this point. You bit on the inside of your lower lip for a moment before releasing it as you glanced back toward him from where you were looking at your lap.
“Though…” you started, deciding to leave the offer open, “there’s that little bathroom down the hall with the shower. Kind of loud enough to cover most noise as long as nobody’s standing by the door.”
“Hm.”
“Just a thought,” you said, shrugging a shoulder lightly. Really, you were pushing out a relaxed front to hide the nerves that had cropped up at even opening the door to this.
Still, you needed a shower. You grabbed some clothing and wandered down the hall toward the mentioned bathroom. Given the stillness of the area, and spying the figure of Yuri still asleep on the couch, you figured Dmitri’s comment about the hour being early was true. Which put some pressure off, but you didn’t want to put all your faith into the idea that nobody would know if you ended up in the shower together.
As you stepped into the bathroom, you closed the door behind you with a soft click. You picked up the usual towel you used, placing it and the clothing you intended to wear on the counter next to the sink. You went about getting yourself ready for the shower, as you did every day, yet you couldn’t help but notice the mild undercurrent of nervousness in you. If things played out like you were thinking they would, it would be the first time you’d see each other in the nude.
It wasn’t like it was your first time, but it had been a good while since you had even been in a relationship, let alone one with such…a complex situation on top of it. Plus, as you removed your clothing as the water heated, you couldn’t help but notice the scars and the stiffness of some parts of your body that suggested that you hadn’t escaped that horrible prison without some reminders of what happened there.
So, you couldn’t help the insecurity that settled in you with that realization. Yet, a part of you still wanted to do this.
With that, you stepped into the spray, letting yourself relax somewhat under the flow of water. You could remember how, a couple months ago, you had your first hot shower in…years once you had arrived in America. How you had to clamp your hand over your mouth as you let yourself cry at the thought that it was over. Standing in the shower currently, that memory felt like another lifetime. You weren’t sure if that was a good or bad thing, in all honesty. With a sigh, you tried to mentally shake off that thought as cupped some water in your hands to wash your face.
In doing so, you caught the sound of a couple light knocks against the bathroom door. You paused, Dmitri’s muffled voice through the door not really doing too much to settle your nerves. Still, you invited him in, returning to your task as you heard the door open and shut. There were a couple moments of silence, the awkwardness and light tension making you have to focus on not fidgeting in place.
“You still want me to join you?” he finally asked as you turned your back to the water, catching sight of him somewhat through a gap in the curtain near the far wall of the shower.
You couldn’t tell if he could see in, if he was even looking, but you could see part of him through that space. He was still dressed in what he had slept in, and the hesitancy almost made you smile. You figured you had made a pretty straightforward offer back in the bed–that or you were more vague than you realized.
“Yes,” you said with a nod, even if he couldn’t see it.
Pushing back the urge to rub at the back of your neck out of nervousness alone, you were surprised your voice didn’t really give that away. You were excited, too, however. At the confirmation, you could feel your heart pick up, an almost giddy warmth settling over you that you weren’t sure was completely a blush or if it was the shower. Regardless, you dropped your gaze to focus on washing an arm (that didn’t really need a scrub, but it was a distraction enough for the mix of emotions at the moment) as Dmitri moved out of your line of sight to undress himself.
That weasly thought from before about your scars tried to push forward again, standing there a moment while it felt like you could almost feel some of them. Yet, you quickly pushed that thought down.
At that moment, the curtain was pulled back as Dmitri stepped into the shower. While you had gotten a good idea what his body might look like through what you had seen of him before and what you were able to feel when he’d press close during the nights when he joined you in the guest bedroom. At the current moment, you couldn’t help but stare a little. He was a little more toned than you had been imagining, yet it was tempting to reach out and run your hands along his chest, his legs. Lifting your gaze up toward his face, the intensity of his gaze once he met yours was a little surprising. It had another wave of warmth washing over you, pure arousal.
Yet, once you found your voice, a somewhat breathless laugh escaped you despite everything going on in your head.
“Usually I’m better at initiating foreplay than this,” you admitted in a low voice, earning a quick grin from him that did an efficient job at easing the tension in you somewhat. “Come closer. I don’t want to hog the water.”
While it wasn’t a demand or much of a question, you stepped aside somewhat in suggestion in case he decided to back out. While a part of you really hoped that he wouldn’t, you knew the situation wasn’t ideal and if he changed his mind, you’d understand. The way he acted thus far, you felt like he would do the same if you changed your mind. Though, the relief upon him closing the space between your bodies was enough to put that thought to rest. You trailed your hands up his chest once he joined you under the water, placing your hands on his shoulders as you pressed your mouth against the skin at the base of his neck.
You felt him let out a small sigh, lifting his head somewhat so you could trail some kisses up toward his jaw. You licked lightly in some places, sucked in others, but enjoyed the small hums he’d let out as you did so. Dmitri pressed his hands to your back, pressing you closer to him before he trailed his hands down your sides slowly. Despite the hot water on you both, the action pulled a small shiver out of you. He grasped your ass with both hands, pressing you further into him.
His cock pressed against your groin, but the contact was enough to pull a small gasp from you, lightly grinding yourself against him.
Dmitri took that moment to capture your mouth with his own, your arms shifting to wrap around his neck, one hand on the back of his head. You tensed somewhat when you felt him press you against the cold tile of the shower wall, the space already cramped and not exactly ideal for this when either of you could slip and fall at any point. Yet, you couldn’t bring yourself to really care.
He pulled back from the kiss somewhat to press quick kisses down your neck, the feeling of his lips against your skin, his breath and light drags of his tongue across your flesh pulled a light moan from you. You felt one of his hands give your ass cheek a squeeze before shifting up slowly toward your hip. His fingers brushed along a rather prominent scar that angled somewhat toward your stomach, which he followed somewhat with his touch as you took in a slow breath.
You could hear the question before he even asked it.
“Childhood,” you said around a small breath, Dmitri lifting his head from your chest to look at you, “Kind of. I was unsupervised around some farming equipment, I took a fall and grazed against a sharp edge. Nearly caused a panic when I limped back into the house.”
Despite the somewhat tight feeling in your gut that was unrelated to what you were currently doing, you couldn’t help but let out a light chuckle at the memory. It was definitely not funny or amusing at the time, but it had left you with some serious stitches and you were watched carefully by one of your parents for a year whenever you were outside. You could afford to laugh at it now. Though, now that the subject was open, you couldn’t help the small pit of dread when Dmitri trailed his hand against your lower back where a number of smaller, but still prominent ones littered your back and some on the top of your eyes.
Fortunately, you didn’t have to explain that one, considering the shift in his expression told you that he already knew what ones those were from. Instantly, the air seemed to shift, that small and tight feeling in your throat returning as your expression seemed to drop.
“I’m sorry,” he muttered after a few moments, removing his other hand to rest against the wall near your hip, but kept the one on your side touching your lower back.
“What for? You weren’t the one who did this,” you replied quietly.
“I was–”
“You were a guard, I know,” you replied with a small nod, “That’s something I’ve struggled with for a while already as I got to know you. It doesn’t absolve you of anything, that’s not…that’s not something that I want to burden. Yet…”
You let out a sigh, dropping your hands down to rest on his shoulders as you dropped your gaze in thought. For a moment, you knew it was strange to have this conversation the way you currently were, yet it just…happened. It was better to talking about it than never discussing it. Not with the nature of this whole thing you had with him, as much as you still struggled to know what to do with it while you were still waiting to hear how the rest of your life was going to start. If Dmitri would be there with you or not, you had no idea.
For some reason, that thought put a feeling in your gut that choked you in a way. You were scared that he wouldn’t–the one person you could talk to about what happened and would understand. Was it morbid? Absolutely. Yet…
“I didn’t meet you as a guard…” you continued, lifting your gaze to meet his, “I met you in a raggedy prisoner’s uniform, and learned that you were one of the only people in there who was pretty damn sure we’d get out alive. I’ve also seen you as someone who is willing to put his life on the line again to get the people he cares about to safety. If you’re committed to leading a different life here, I’m willing to help. I’m–I’m not putting my blood on your hands, we never even crossed paths.”
“I still wish I could have helped,” Dmitri said after a heavy pause, making a sad grin cross your face as you shook your head lightly.
“I’m still here,” you said, letting one of your hands let out a wet slap against the tile behind you, “I could be dead, but I believed you and Hopper. I don’t think I’d be here otherwise. If this whole thing makes me naive, I don’t know, but…it’s still my choice to even be in this position with you. Which is what it is currently.”
“I don’t understand,” he said with a small shake of his head, “I might never. Yet…you are right.”
“I haven’t been forced into anything with you,” you said, placing your hands back on his shoulders, “I won’t say it’s not complicated as hell, but that’s the facts of this. The rest is up to ourselves, I suppose…”
Dmitri didn’t say anything to that, but he nodded slightly. Still resting with his arms on either side of you on the shower wall, the situation that got you there almost completely slipping your mind. In all honesty, you felt it would be too awkward to push it back into what it was, but to have that out in the open was a weight lifted off you. Somewhat. You knew it was complicated, there were things you couldn’t understand, nor did you know what place you had in saying what his past meant, yet you knew that was as truthful as you could be about it.
Which you knew only made things currently all the more complicated, too, but that was the choice you made.
At that thought and the well of emotion that sat in your gut, you reached out and wrapped your arms around him. Dmitri took a moment to respond, and you could understand why, but you felt him wrap his arms around your back. His hold tightened, which only made you hold him tighter in response. Bodies pressed close again, yet in a way this felt more intimate than anything that could have happened if neither of you had said anything.
“Murray’s going to get pissed if we use up all the hot water,” you muttered, “Plus…I think there could be a better time for this.”
“Me too,” Dmitri said, voice muffled in your ears as he still held onto you tightly.
The water against your back was still hot, so you settled on letting the moment linger. You knew it was going to take a bit to just…walk away as if nothing happened. Yet, the feeling in your chest told you that it was the right thing.
There’d be a better time.