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Jim Hopper - September 20, 1985
Things between Joyce and I progressed pretty quickly after the Fourth of July. There’s nothing quite like almost being blown up and then almost being kidnapped by the KGB and sent to some gulag in Siberia to make you appreciate how short life can be. By the back half of September, El and I were coming over to the Byers’ every Friday night for a Miami Vice rerun and a sleepover for El, Will, and Max. I know a co-ed sleepover sounds a little risqué for fourteen-year-olds, but Joyce had assured me that Will posed absolutely no threat in that regard. Plus, it would ease El into a potential permanent move, and Max needed somewhere safe to spend the weekends.
The episode this night was one I hadn’t caught on the first airing. Thinking back, it must have been the night of that car accident back in May. It’d been terrible. The kid driving, only a couple of years older than El, had swerved to avoid a deer and ended up flipping the car over, and the gas tank had ignited, killing the passenger and leaving the driver with facial scars and PTSD. I tried to put the memory out of my mind, immersing myself in the plot.
This episode’s special guest was an ATF agent with a death wish and a mysterious past relationship to Crockett. It unfolded pretty much as you would expect it to, with plenty of palm trees, gun play, and synthesizer music, until the third act reveal of Crockett’s relationship to the guest star and a third cop who had yet to appear on screen, and it turned out never would. Will was sitting on the floor at his mother’s feet, and I could tell he was getting nervous as Don Johnson’s monologue moved inexorably to the big reveal:
“He was in the closet, he was gay.”
I looked over at Joyce, half to make sure she knew that I hadn’t known this was coming and half for guidance on what to do about it. She shook her head, signaling for me not to react. I turned back to the screen, hoping that the subject would be dropped and we could return to some nice wholesome drug smuggling and shootouts, but the screenwriters had other ideas.
“Evan really freaked. All of a sudden it was faggot this and faggot that, and then he put in for a transfer.”
Will winced at both repetitions of the word ‘faggot.’ I knew it wasn’t his first time hearing it, but I wasn’t so sure about El.
She looked back at me when the commercial break finally started.
“What does that word mean, fag-got?” It was an innocent question. We’d been working on building her vocabulary since I found her in the woods, and the need was getting more pressing now that she was in school, but I don’t think that made Will feel any better.
“It’s not a nice word,” I responded with a warning tone. “They shouldn’t have said it on television. Actually, why don’t we see if something else is on.” I picked up the clicker and retreated to the safety of The Love Boat, guest starring Engelbert Humperdinck. When it ended, Will hastily announced that he was tired and going to bed. Joyce helped the girls get their sleeping bags spread out on the floor, and then the two of us retreated to her bedroom, where I tried to smooth things over.
“I’m sorry. I really had no idea the episode was going to turn out that way.”
“You couldn’t have known. It’s not like they put warnings in TV Guide. I wish he would just talk to me about it.”
“He hasn’t told you?”
“No, whenever I drop hints he gets nervous. It’s all thanks to his asshole father.”
“That day Will first went missing…you told me Lonnie used to call him a fag.”
“He did worse than that.”
“Do you think it’s something he should talk to that guidance counselor about?”
“Does she know…?”
“Yeah. She’s actually working for the government. Owens wants her to keep an eye on everything.”
“I’d like for him to talk to her, but I don’t know if I can just make him see a counselor.”
“You can tell him she knows about the Upside Down, and she’s there if he needs someone to talk to.”
“Yeah. I’ll do that.” Joyce turned out the light.
The next morning, Jonathan made breakfast and then I dropped Max off. Her stepdad had split after she’d showed up at school with bruises and I threatened to book him for child abuse, and she was now living with her mom in an East Hawkins trailer park. It wasn’t exactly the best environment for a kid that age.
“If you need anything…”
“I know, thanks.”
Now I was left alone in the truck with El, who seemed upset about something.
“Everything okay?”
“Yeah.” She faked a smile, but continued to mull over whatever it was as I drove home. She finally spoke up just as we were pulling up to the cabin.
“You never told me what that word means. The not nice one.” I’d been afraid of this. It was one of those topics that’s bound to come up sooner or later, and this was one where I couldn’t get Joyce to bail me out.
“Oh, that. Um, you know that talk you had with Ms. Byers about…boys wanting to do things with girls?”
“Yes.”
“Well, there are some boys who…want to do those things to other boys.”
“Why?”
“I don’t know.” I tried to come up with an explanation that would be relatable to El, and found it in another one of her friends. “It’s like…you know how when Dustin was born his bones didn’t come out right?”
“Yes. He has creo…creo…”
“Right. I guess with some boys their orientation doesn’t come out right, the same as Dustin’s bones. It’s not something they have any control over, but some people…most people think it’s wrong.”
“And they’re called fa…”
“The polite word is ‘gay’ or ‘homosexual.’ Maybe that can be your vocabulary word for the day.”
“Is Will ho-mo-sex-u-al?”
“Why would you think that?”
“The kids at school call him…the not nice word.”
This was something I was morally obligated to tell Joyce about even though I knew exactly how she’d react, by storming into the principal’s office and demanding he put a stop to it, which was sure to make things worse for Will.
“I don’t know if he really is or not,” I lied, “sometimes kids say that just to be mean. But, if he is really gay he probably wants to keep it a secret. Most gay men pretend they aren’t gay. It’s called being in the closet.”
“But friends don’t…”
“I know, but this isn’t the same thing as lying. It’s a secret, it’s something you don’t talk about even with friends, because if someone else overheard it would be bad.”
“Like Papa?”
“I guess it is a little like Papa. I don’t want you to bring it up or ask him about it, okay? It’ll make him feel worse if you do.”
“Okay.”
I thought about asking her which specific kids had called Will a faggot, but decided I was better off not knowing. When Joyce did go to the principal about it, she wouldn’t have the name of a kid who would get in trouble and then retaliate against Will or El for snitching.
As was typical for a weekend, El wanted to spend the whole day hanging out with Mike, and for once I was grateful. It gave me a chance to call Joyce without El interrupting or listening in.
“Hey, Joyce. It’s Jim.”
“Hopper, is everything okay?” I hated the sound of worry in her voice. No matter how many times I reassured her, I couldn’t convince her that it was over. Hell, I couldn’t really convince myself.
“Yeah, it’s about last night.”
“Hop, I told you you don’t have to apologize.”
“I talked to El this morning. Apparently it’s not the first time she’s heard that word.”
“Shit! I am gonna…”
“Joyce, I don’t want to tell you how to parent, but…”
“You think I’m making too much of a fuss.”
“I think if the principal calls an assembly and gives a big lecture about not making fun of the gay kids, they’re going to go after him ten times harder because they’ll think he snitched. Trust me, it’s already happened to El.”
“What happened to El?”
“Some girl tripped her and crushed her diorama. The teacher saw it, but apparently this kid thinks El should have lied for her, and now her parents are mad at me about it. So, yeah. I guess high school’s off to a great start.”
“God damn it!”
Despite her anger, I must have gotten through to Joyce, because I didn’t hear anything more from El about it that week. The next Friday, we decided to rent a movie instead of Miami Vice - Will’s choice. I hung back and made small talk with Steve Harrington while he browsed the horror aisle.
“What is it with those kids and horror movies? You’d think after everything they’d been through they wouldn’t want anything scarier than The Muppets Take Manhattan.”
“I dunno, maybe they like watching it happen to someone else for a change.”
“There’s a few kids I’d rather watch it happen to.”
“Woah! I know Mike can be a shithead, but…”
“It’s not Mike. There’s some kids who’ve been messing with El and Will.”
“You want me to get my bat out of the trunk?”
“No, just keep an eye out. Let me know if you see anything.”
“You mean, like the kids who just came in here and made a beeline for Will?”
“Yeah, stuff like that.”
“He’s on your nine o’clock.”
I looked across the room. Sure enough, two boys had Will boxed in between the shelves, and he didn’t look happy to see them. Steve and I walked closer to them, close enough to hear what they were saying.
“The gay porno’s in the back, faggot.”
Steve interrupted, feigning innocence. “You boys finding everything okay?”
“We were just helping zombie-boy over here find the fairy tales,” the boy sneered.
“Yeah, get the fuck out of my store.”
“What?”
“You’re harassing a paying customer. Out.”
The punk decided he was going to make an issue out of it. “He’s not paying for anything, unless you take blow jobs.”
“Out.”
“Everybody knows his mother’s…”
“Dating the chief of police,” I interjected, making the kid go white with terror, “so unless you want me keeping a very close eye on your extracurricular activities for the next few years, I would suggest you leave Will, and his friends, and especially my daughter alone. Is that clear?”
“Y-yes, sir.” He cleared out quick, followed by his sidekick.
Will didn’t say anything as we paid for the movie, but he opened up once we got back to the car.
“Thanks for…back there.”
“Any time. Is that the same kid who’s been messing with El?”
“No. She broke his arm while I was in the Upside Down, so he gives her a wide berth. Actually, he never messes with me when she’s nearby.”
“I thought he looked familiar. Do you want to tell me who is messing with her?”
“She’d be mad at me if I did.”
“Why doesn’t she want to talk to me about these things?” I knew there had to be more backstory behind the diorama, but the first I heard of it was when the school called. I thought we’d made progress since summer, but sometimes I wondered if she really trusted me.
“It’s hard…when kids say stuff like that to you, it’s hard sometimes not to think they’re right, so then telling your parent would be like admitting that you’re a mistake, that they’d be better off without you. I’m sure you’ve told her you love her even though she’s different, but it just…it wears you down.”
I would be much worse off without El, would probably still be in the black hole I’d fallen into after Sara. Joyce would probably say pretty much the same thing about Will, but I could see how they’d feel that way. That age is hard enough without having to make the adjustment from being completely isolated and abused to being expected to function normally in a small-town high school, or going through what Will had to deal with.
“So…how do I convince her that she’s not a mistake?”
Will smiled ruefully. “I’m sure my Mom and Jonathan will let you know when they figure that out.”