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“So, if I do this, I’m gonna stay for a few more days. Is that okay?”
The words “yeah” and “yes” poured from Bill’s mouth before his brain could catch up with him. Maybe it was desperation, maybe it was the high he felt from kissing another man for the first time; from the comforting warmth of another body pressed against him. Frank was propped over him, his hands gripping the pillow beneath Bill’s head. After seeing the way his eyes lit up at Bill’s approval, there was no way in hell that Bill was letting this chance slip away from him. So, they did it. They had sex.
Bill had only been intimate with someone once before in his life; his first and only girlfriend from way back, Kelly Gatesman. A little quiet, but a nice girl. Freckles speckled her nose with gentle brown eyes that never drifted from Bill’s face as they slow danced among all the other couples during their final high school prom. Before Bill knew it, they were in the backseat of his truck as Kelly straddled his lap, soft hands cupping his cheeks as she stained his lips with berry red lipstick. It all happened so fast, and all Bill could do was let it happen, stiff and absolutely petrified. She asked if it was okay and he didn’t say no. This was right - all the other couples were doing it, so he was doing the right thing. That’s what he kept repeating to himself, anyway. And he tried, he really fucking tried to enjoy it as he desperately tried to block out images of Dennis Booker’s abs gleaming with sweat in the shitty lighting of the P.E. locker room out of his head.
They broke up a few months later. It made sense: Kelly was off to a prestigious college in England for animal science and the long distance between them would be too much of a hassle. It was simply the logical thing to do - not because any form of intimacy with her made Bill’s insides crawl, not at all. He pushed that night far back into his memory and tried not to think about it since. He wondered whatever happened to Kelly; if she survived the apocalypse. Probably not.
A sudden shift from Frank dragged Bill out of his thoughts. His strong arms were wrapped around Bill, his head resting on his chest with a look as relaxed and carefree as when he was awake. Bill’s heart pounded so violently at the sight that he worried it would wake Frank up. The worst part was that he was happy. He was so goddamn happy it was honestly kind of scary. Sleeping with Frank was like ascending to the fucking heavens and reaching divinity. Bill was a complete atheist, and Frank was the closest thing he ever had to having second thoughts. It was the most exhilarating feeling he ever experienced in his life. And Frank was so understanding, not an ounce of judgment coming from him as Bill confessed his inexperience. He kept it simple, careful not to rush things as he asked if what he was doing was okay and showered Bill in praise and compliments.
Bill felt something he never thought he would again: he was hopelessly in love. And it was terrifying.
He’s only staying for a few more days. Then you’ll be all alone again.
For once in his life, Bill tried not to worry, frantically shoving the thought away. First things first, he had to get up before the warmth of Frank’s body caused his brain to cease functioning. It took a while, but he managed to slip out of Frank’s strong grasp, grateful for not waking him up. If he did, he wasn’t sure what he would say. It was stupid, it was so fucking stupid. They literally had sex the previous night, and now he was fretting about what he’d say next like some insecure schoolgirl. Not that Bill was ever good at interacting with others in the first place, pandemic or not.
The bathroom door clicked shut behind him. Having Frank quite literally fall into his life threw Bill off in many ways, including his schedule. On any other day he would’ve been up hours before the sun was up doing the chores; around this time was when he usually got to feeding the chickens. The first things he could do were brush his teeth and shower; one part of his schedule he could still keep intact. As the soapy water spiraled down the drain, he grabbed a towel and wrapped it around his waist. He knew it was stupid, but he just couldn’t bear the thought of Frank seeing him naked again. Not after witnessing him in such a vulnerable state the previous night. Frank was sitting up in the bed when Bill entered, chest bare and sheets pulled over his waist as he did the night before. Bill’s cheeks flushed as the other man’s gaze fell on him, shame settling in the pit of his stomach - which he pulled the towel further up over. He had never been the type to fret over his weight, but now with Frank staring at him so intently, reading him like a goddamn open book, whatever confidence Bill had in his appearance had melted away.
Perhaps too tired to notice, Frank smiled groggily. “Good morning,” Bill’s throat tightened and all he could do was offer a curt nod as he slowly edged closer to his drawer for fresh clothes like a timid animal afraid to make any sudden movements. The laugh lines on Frank’s face crinkled as he chuckled. “Bill, it’s okay. I’m not gonna kill you and take all your things or whatever scenario you’ve come up with in that head of yours. I told you I’d be staying for a few more days, didn’t I?”
Frank would never understand the crushing impact those four words had on Bill.
“Yeah,” Bill muttered with a nod. Clothes in hand, he couldn’t lock himself back in the bathroom fast enough. Once fully changed, he hovered in front of the door, his hand ghosting the door knob for a good five minutes. When Bill finally willed himself to reenter the bedroom, Frank had thrown on the clothes he gave him the other day. He poked at the stuffed owl hanging on the wall above the nightstand.
“I was thinking of taking a quick shower. Is that okay?” he asked oh-so gently, like he always did when he was making sure not to overstep any boundaries. Suddenly Bill’s legs felt like jelly, threatening to give out underneath him. All he could do was nod in response. Frank just stood there, those icy blue eyes seeing right through him, through the walls Bill had worked tirelessly for years to build around himself; to hide the real him. “Hey,” Bill’s eyes snapped back to Frank, swallowing down a gasp as Frank was only inches away, squeezing his hand gently. “You okay?”
No, Bill wanted to say. I’m not okay. Because you’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me. What the hell was he thinking? He was acting like a fucking Disney princess right now, falling hopelessly in love with the first man he laid his eyes on. This wasn't some happy-go-lucky musical shit, this was the real world - and unless you wanted to get yourself killed, you didn't let people in like that. Bill knew this better than anyone; he had been preparing himself for it for years. So why did Frank's hand in his send excited jolts of electricity down to his fingertips?
“Yeah, I’m fine,” Bill said, hoping his face didn’t give away how anxious he really felt. He wasn’t the best when it came to reading other people's faces, but it was clear that Frank had something on his mind. Instead, he held his tongue and placed a gentle kiss on Bill’s cheek. He pulled back with a small, unsure smile.
“See you when I’m done?”
Bill kept his mouth shut and nodded, shuffling awkwardly out of the room like the goddamn clown he felt like he was. He supposed the next thing he could do was make breakfast while Frank was in the shower; it was something that came naturally to him, something he didn’t need to think too hard about. How else could he carry on with his day when Frank had managed to flip it all upside down in the mere hours after they met? He settled with eggs, bacon and toast; hopefully Frank liked his eggs over easy. The smell of breakfast wafted out of the kitchen and into the dining room. Frank sat in the same chair at the end of the table. His groggy eyes shined with life once they landed on the plates in Bill’s hands as he exited the kitchen.
“Holy shit, you actually have eggs?” Frank asked as he eagerly placed his napkin on his lap. “I can’t even remember the last time I had eggs,” Bill sat all the way on the other side of the table, suddenly the idea of Frank tasting the food he prepared for him rendering him self-conscious.
“I wasn’t sure how you liked them,” Bill admitted.
Frank looked up from his plate, his mouth already stuffed with eggs. “Bill, I’m just grateful you even made me breakfast to begin with. Let me tell ya something - QZ food was shit. This is the best food I’ve eaten in years. You’re a great cook,”
Bill felt as feverish as he looked. Damn it, why did everything Frank have to say be so goddamn sweet?
“Well, it’s the least I could do for-” Bill’s gaze fell to his lap, unable to look the man sitting across from him in the eye. “For everything,”
Frank wiped his mouth with his napkin. “Well, if this is your way of showing gratitude, I could easily get used to this,” Bill’s heart pounded in his ears, and for a moment he thought this was how it all ended. Death by heart failure because a guy he barely knew complimented his fucking cooking. “You know, I have my own way to thank you for the wonderful meal. If you know what I mean,”
Bill nearly choked on a slice of egg. “I-I have to do chores,” he floundered, hiding behind his napkin as he wiped his mouth. It wasn’t like he was against the idea of jumping back into bed with Frank, but there were chores to be done; measures that had to be made in order to keep his little bubble safe. If he didn’t, all his years of hard work would all fall apart. “I’m sorry,” he added because he genuinely did feel guilty, especially when Frank sounded so eager.
But Frank's expression only brightened at this, much to Bill’s surprise. “Oh, can I help?” he asked like a kid eager to help out their parents.
Bill wasn't expecting that. “Help?”
“Well, yeah. I’d feel bad if I just hung around in the house - as lovely as it is. I'm not really good at anything, but I can carry things, at least," Frank threw his hands up. "But if you don’t want me to, I totally understand,”
Bill’s mouth flapped open, then closed, then opened again. “Okay.”
* * *
So Bill showed Frank around the town. He told Frank what to do - and only if he wanted to, of course, because just flat-out ordering him around didn’t sit well with Bill, but Frank quickly caught on to Bill's instructions. Frank talked the whole time, whatever was on his mind seemingly flying from his mouth. He asked a lot of questions; mostly about what life was like in the little town before the world ended.
“Were you close with anyone here? Before everything went to shit?” Frank asked as they headed over to check the fence.
Bill held back a grimace at the memory of his old neighbors. “No,”
Frank chuckled. “Yeah, that sounds about right.” he said, like he had already known how Bill would respond. And for the first time during their chore duty, Frank fell silent.
He’s getting tired of you already. He'll leave you behind in a few days. You'll be all alone.
“They all thought I was crazy,” Bill blurted out, desperate to drown out his thoughts. Frank turned to him with a raised brow. “I spent years preparing for the apocalypse - learned everything I thought would be useful in order to survive. I didn’t know how it would come or why, but I knew the world would go to shit eventually," He chuckled bitterly. "Even my mother and father thought I was crazy,”
Frank stopped in his tracks, causing Bill to freeze. “Well, they obviously got you all wrong,” With a spin on his heel, Frank faced Bill, and he witnessed the closest thing to an angel. The sun had begun to set, and it hit Frank at just the right angle. The bright rays peered from behind him, shining against his edges like he was a fucking deity from the heavens. It was like something out of a magazine. “Cause that’s not what I saw at all when I first met you. I saw someone who was obviously incredibly fucking smart and handy from the hole you oh-so cleverly hid,” He literally met Bill not even twenty-four hours ago, and here he was recalling their first meeting like some wistful partner. Partner, huh. Bill wanted to make some sort of retort, but the unspoken word felt right as it melted onto his tongue like honey, sealing his lips shut. Frank’s teeth shined in the sun as he flashed one of his charming smiles and a wink. “Plus I thought you were handsome.”
Bill nearly hid his face behind his hands and squealed.
* * *
Since Frank seemed to enjoy it so much the other day, they had leftover rabbit for dinner. After taking a bite, Frank threw his head back and released an obscene noise of what could only be described as pure bliss. Bill stared at him from his side of the table, his eyes wide and face warm. Did he even realize how dirty it sounded when he did that, or was he fully aware and did it as some cruel way to mess with Bill’s head?
“Just as good as the first time,” Frank said, chuckling like a madman as he sipped the last of his wine. “Thank you, really, for everything. I haven’t felt this happy in, well, years,” For a second, Bill thought Frank was leaving. That this was his final thank you before he disappeared from Bill’s life. It took everything within him to not spring to his side, wrapping his arms tightly around him as he buried his face into the other man’s shoulder. “I know it’s early, but I was thinking of calling it a night. If that’s okay with you,” Bill held back a relieved sigh and nodded.
“Of course. Make yourself at home,” he said, unable to sound or look as welcoming as he wanted to. The chair creaked against the wooden floor as Frank stood. Instead of heading to the guest room like Bill expected, he paused with a hand outstretched towards Bill.
“Shall we?”
Bill swallowed hard as realization hit him like a train. He was being invited to bed - his bed. Frank beamed as their fingers interlocked, fitting perfectly into each other like long-lost puzzle pieces. Hand in hand, Frank led a dazed Bill up to his bedroom. They crawled into bed together, Frank being the one to pull the sheets up to their waists. For a moment, they just stared into each other’s eyes, silence hanging heavily over them. Then Frank was leaning towards him, pausing mere inches from Bill's lips as he looked up into his eyes, silently asking if what he was doing was okay. Bill answered by closing the space between them. The sound of lips parting echoed in the room as the sheets were quickly cast aside.
* * *
If Bill said he hadn't secretly been hoping they would have sex again that day, he would've been lying. Yet when it all unfolded the way he had dreamed it would, it still came as a shock that Frank was eager enough to do it again with him; especially when Bill was still new with it all. But Frank seemed more than fine with teaching him; and God, did he know what he was doing. They laid together, bodies flushed and shining with sweat in the low light of the room as they basked in the lingering high of their orgasms. Chest shaking with every breath, all Bill could do was stare up at the white ceiling above them. Frank had his arms around him once more, his head resting against the other man’s chest; a favorite position of his, Bill grew to realize.
“You’re amazing,” Frank whispered, his words hot against Bill’s skin. Bill didn’t think it was possible, but his cheeks burned even hotter. No one ever talked about him that way before, genuine and admiring like he was some kind of god. It was entirely foreign to him; it didn’t feel right as the words went through one in and exited through the other, uneasiness descending deep into his stomach.
His eyes drifted closed as he softly shook his head. “I’m really not,” he muttered. Frank pulled himself up until he was slightly over Bill, his arm propped against a pillow as he let the side of his face fall into his hand.
“I mean it,” he said, genuine and firm as he stared at Bill with all the seriousness in the world. Something he did when he was truly sincere about something; another little thing Bill had noticed. His other hand landed on Bill’s cheek, scratching against his graying beard as he combed his fingers through it.
Bill shook his head, a small smile curving at the edge of his lips. “You’re amazing,”
Frank smirked. “Oh, so that’s how it’s gonna be?”
The sound of crickets chirping into the night filled the room as the two men lost themselves in each other’s eyes. It was Frank that made a move, planting a soft kiss against Bill’s lips. Before he could return the kiss, Frank had already pulled away. The bed creaked underneath Frank as he sat up, pulling the blankets off of his legs. All the warmth on Bill’s body left with Frank, leaving him cold.
Bill didn’t think when he threw his arms around Frank’s waist, his cheek pressed hard against Frank’s back.
“Don’t go,” he whispered.
Frank’s eyebrow quirked in amusement. “I’m just going to take a piss. I’ll be back in a minute.”
It took a moment for Bill to fully register what he had done and his whole body tensed. Absolutely mortified, he released Frank and fell back to his side of the bed as he fought back the urge to hide himself under the covers like a scared kid. The bathroom door clicked shut, and the tears spilled from their prison, staining the pillow sheet as realization hit him like a slap in the face. Spending time with Frank was only going to get harder as the days went by. It was going to be even more painful when the time eventually came and he had to let him go. But the worst part of it all was imagining Frank out there on his own. Sweet, gentle Frank who probably couldn't use a gun if his life depended on it. There was no question about it: he would die before he ever made it to Boston. That alone scared Bill more than any zombie or raider ever could. The muffled sound of the toilet flushing blared from behind the door and was soon followed by the sound of running water. Maybe he could get all the tears out before Frank was finished and pretend like it never happened. Go back to the overwhelming happiness he felt moments ago before he let his stupid paranoia had to go and ruin it. Light poured into the room when Frank opened the door and his vision was already blurry. Goddamn it. The empty spot beside him was filled once more and Bill looked away, squirming under the feeling of Frank’s eyes reading him.
“You okay?” Frank asked, because he just had to be able to sense Bill’s unease.
“I-” Whatever words Bill wanted to say got caught in his throat.
Frank’s expression softened in immediate understanding as he held out his arms. “Come here,”
Bill did as he was told, choking back a cry as he threw himself into Frank’s arms. His stubby fingernails dug into Frank’s back, clutching onto him as if this was his last chance to ever do so. Tears spilled from his eyes, sliding down his face and landing on Frank’s arm. Frank didn’t seem to mind as he planted his lips softly against Bill’s forehead, then his brow, then his cheek.
“Tell me what’s going on in that head of yours,” Frank whispered against his ear, his hot breath sending shivers throughout Bill’s body. With a shaky breath, he willed the words out of his mouth.
“Please stay,” he pleaded quietly. “I know it’s fucking stupid. I know we barely know each other - but I want to keep getting to know you. I don’t want to be alone again. I… I-” He couldn't help but imagine himself from Frank's perspective, his face crumpled up like paper and wet with tears and snot as he nuzzled into him like a desperate animal. It wouldn't have surprised him if Frank just up and left then and there; he wouldn't have blamed him. Who would want to spend all their time with someone so pathetic-
“Okay,” Frank said. Bill pulled back to look up at him, to make sure he really heard him right, his eyes widening once he noticed the tears rolling down the other man's cheek. The same was it was when they first kissed. Despite it all, Frank was beaming. “If that’s what you want. I’ll stay.”
Bill didn’t know what to say, so he responded with a desperate kiss instead, resulting in the both of them falling back into the mattress. Faces wet with tears, they kissed for what felt like hours to Bill, their bodies tangling with one another as if nothing would ever be close enough for them. Bill didn't want to, but eventually they parted to fill their lungs with some much-needed air. They shifted onto their sides so they were face-to-face.
“To be honest, I was hoping you’d say that,” Frank muttered. “I didn’t wanna just throw myself onto you, you know? I needed to make sure you wanted this too,”
For some reason, hearing that got a chuckle out of Bill. It was the fucking apocalypse, and here Frank was admitting that he didn’t want to be presumptuous. What a gentleman. How the hell did someone like him even manage to make it as close to Boston as he did? The more Bill thought about it, the funnier it was until he was flat-out giggling. He used to hate his laugh; how it grew in pitch when he couldn’t control himself and made him sound like a giddy little girl. It didn't help when his father called him out on it once, calling him a pansy as he ordered him to change it; because apparently to him, changing your laugh was as easy as snapping your fucking fingers. Bill would go on to try to sound more "manly" whenever he found something funny, and it sounded forced as hell. But for once, Frank started laughing too, and that meant the whole world to Bill.
“You’re too polite for your own fucking good,” Bill managed to muster between giggles.
Frank shook with laughter as he shrugged. “What can I say? It’s part of my charm,”
“Yeah. It is.”
Frank was the first to fall asleep after that. Unable to sleep, Bill kept his eyes glued to Frank's relaxed expression as the reality of the situation continued to sink in. He was going to stay; he actually wanted to stay. Stay with Bill, of all people. Because he saw something in him - whatever the hell that was, Bill had no idea. But he could keep him safe here. He could provide Frank a comfortable life he never got to experience in the QZ. The world wasn’t meant for people like Frank. It was cruel and unforgiving to those that let others too close, tearing them apart like the zombies that had overrun the world four years ago. But that’s why people like Bill were around; to protect those important to them. And he wouldn’t have had it any other way.