Work Text:
(i'm falling too fast)
i trace my name on your skin over and over with my fingertips
too afraid to speak, so i use invisible ink
i treasure these moments of silence
our time outside of time
when it's even quiet in the corners of my ever-stirring mind
i bask in the recurring occasion of you laying at my side
i fill my lungs with the notes of jasmine that remain when you don't
as if the air itself is trying to keep your memory alive
though when you break the silence, i am never opposed
the moments where you are the you and i am the me that only we know, bring a nameless fondness that sets me afloat
eyes wide open
can't miss a single second, for you may be a trick of the light
my most valued reverie
a daydream
my eyes burn with need to close, but i'm reluctant to blink
then you laugh or smile or sip
or exhale a puff of smoke
or a sudden scrunch of your nose
my fingers twitch to smooth the furrow between your brows
i long to hear that low laugh that rumbles and shakes me to my very core
to see that knowing gaze laced with a smile that rests in your eyes, and is reflected in mine
that leveled look over the rim of a glass paired with shoulders shaking, provoked by a quip only we know
i envy that lucky cigarette resting on your lips
how it's able to coat your lungs
and weave itself into your clothes
and linger in your hair
i feel an affinity, a kinship with the haze of smoke for how you effortlessly breathe it in and let it go
then i find myself captured and capturing the ephemeral
with a shiver and when i can, with a lens and a shutter
(so here i am falling)
the breeze stinging my cheeks
tingeing them red on the way down
a wind-kissed blush
a heady feeling
like when your elegant fingers delicately caress my head
or when your delicate hand rests demurely on my knee
or when your delicate lips brush my cheek ever so delicately
a reminder of their softness in the dark mapping out my body's valleys and peaks
or from afar when your eyes consume me
fill my every thought and displace the mundane
(i am falling much too fast)
my dependence is internally upending, but yours is entirely uplifting
contradictory
a comforting weight
my own source of gravity
now the wind is shifting
my head feels fuzzy
thoughts sifting then doubling
ever troubling and humbling
i'm at a loss for words
in your presence i'm left bumbling
my mouth faster than my mind
my body left behind
you've noticed my trembling
(i'm falling)
don't think me sentimental
if i had a cent for each time in which over you i've gone mental, we'd be dripping in diamonds
draped in the finest silks and satin
your lips and nails painted a deep red matte, and my heart plucked and placed on a silver platter
i don't remember taking flight, dear moon of mine, but momentarily my doubts were left behind
towards you my moon, my emblem in the sky
my guiding light amongst the stars, not unlike the ones in your eyes
those eyes that haunt me
that stole my breath at first sight
the ones that tease and pry and understand undeniably
that have carved a place for themselves within me, irrevocably
(would it be too bold to condense this all and simply refer to you as mine)
mentally synchronizing your hypnotizing voice and hips
(and thighs)
your tender sighs
strictly reserved for me along with the clutching of hands and sheets
the confessions along with pleas
but we would still be that oh so special you and me
whether rich in love or currency
like currently
when we read before bed
or sway by the stove
selfishly enjoying such domesticity
the background sounds of the busy city
the buzzing outside this little box on madison avenue
except the gold grazing your neck and tucked behind your ears wouldn't just be your hair
maybe white gold instead, for i remember how you preened and stated how it compliments you
and thought i to myself, it does
to a degree that's ethereal
to deny is unfair
unreal
and we'd wonder how it all happened, though i do that even now
i wonder how we ended up so happy in manhattan
but, back to the stars
your silent admirers
am i one or am i so dull
more a simple grain of sand
forever patient
reverent
eternally in awe
enveloped by your beauty
awaiting you to take my outstretched hand
for it's seldom low tide, and even then i'm always reeled in
ready to be bathed in your overflowing attention
i sit in supplication to hear sweet nothings
overwhelming affirmations
(much preferred to our public affectations)
blessed terms of endearment
your voice carries a melody
it strings sentences like verses of sonnets
it endears me impossibly more to it
a simple call out of 'sweetheart' and i'm spiraling
'my love' has me, myself, and i conspiring to keep you
i check my pulse
i find my heart racing
i might well be dying
'honey'
like the sweet syrup, lures me to you
as funny and silly and sweet as it sounds
'dear'
i'm devoted
'my beloved'
i've surely departed
still my favorite is 'darling'
it takes only a whisper
a mumble even, and suddenly i'm falling
(but i'm careful not to pull you down)
trust i don't mean to be dour, darling
but i am unaccustomed, darling
and i hate to be maudlin, darling
but i am enthralled by your power, darling
now i am falling, darling
(dare i say flung out of space)
even as the wax melts from my wings
as my eyes finally close
and the last i see is your darling face
as the book falls from my hand
as i turn to your embrace
as the pages flutter shut, and i lose my place
may i remain your angel, darling
(as you say, flung out of space)
this may be our last hour, darling
for i am plummeting
and you, my darling, are my only saving grace