Swan Songs

by aamalaaa

Summary:

What do you do, when a particularly painful ghost from your past suddenly shows up once again, stirring up all sorts of emotions you had thought long gone?

Jimin had thought he was done and completely healed from his painful breakup with Yoongi, three years ago.

Maybe he isn’t. And maybe Yoongi isn’t either. But how do you build something upon a shaky foundation?

Can you even?

Notes:

Hiiiiya, lovely folks!

This really wasn’t supposed to be this long but, here we are! And I have no regrets lol

I really do hope you’ll like this, these two have a very special place in my heart<3

“Kim Taehyung..” The tall fluffy brown haired man takes a large sip of expensive champagne, eyes widening if only a little. 

“Sooo, what do you think of my work hyung?”

“Taehyung.” 

The painter visibly swallows, “You don’t like it?”

“Stop it. I don’t think I’ve ever said the words ‘magnificent’ and ‘talented’ as many times as I did since the moment I’ve walked through the door.” Jimin’s gaze momentarily unlatches from the ghost from his past to level Taehyung with an annoyed expression. 

That little—

“Well you know how I like hearing you—“ 

“Kim Taehyung!” Jimin scowls, brows furrowed. 

“..Jiminie?” Taehyung’s voice sounds squeaky and at least two octaves higher than usual. 

“Why didn’t you tell me he was gonna be here, Tae?”

A loud sigh, “I didn’t think it’d be that big of an issue..” 

The laugh that Jimin lets out next is so forced and sarcastic that he barely even recognizes it as his own, “Let me see if I get this correctly,”

He grabs a flute of champagne from a nearby waiter, 

“You didn’t think that seeing my ex, who by the way threw my heart out the window and drove over it with an eighteen wheel truck —for good measure—, would be an issue?” 

“I mean, it’s been what? Three years Chim? I’m not saying there’s a time limit to hurt, don’t get me wrong. I just honestly didn’t think it’d be that big of a deal, I’m sorry..” 

Taehyung’s eyes exude nothing but sincerity as he looks into Jimin’s furious gaze.“But Yoongi-hyung is my friend and.. I really wanted him here.”

That’s enough to soften Jimin a little, “I know he is and I would never dream of asking you not to invite him, I’m sorry I made you feel this way. I just—“ 

He mindlessly gnaws at his bottom lip, 

“I just wish you would’ve told me. I would’ve been more prepared..”

“Would you? How long has it been since you guys last saw each other?” 

“Well, I don’t know exactly.” That’s a lie, It’s been almost three years to the day. 

The Day Yoongi had decided to choose piano over him, not even giving him the chance to tag along.

Not even when Jimin had asked, begged. They could’ve moved to Australia together, built a life there. He would have followed him anywhere on earth, maybe even space too if it had come down to it.

Instead Yoongi had packed his bags and left for Australia alone, left him here broken and bruised with not even a bit of glue to patch up the pieces of his shattered heart.

“How long has it been since he’s been back?” Jimin tries not to stare at the —now blond— man, though he’s not very successful.

 “It’s been a month I think? He came back in December.” 

“I didn’t know..”

“I’m sorry Chimmy, I wasn’t sure if I should have told you or not..”

And well as much as he’s shocked to see his ex, as much as his heart keeps squeezing uncomfortably in his chest at the sight of the man he once loved, mingling with random people without a care in the world, he also doesn’t want to ruin Taehyung’s big day.

This isn’t about him and he better start being a little less self-centered, it’s really not a good look. “It’s fine, I’m just.. processing. This is amazing Tae, I’m so proud of you.” 

“I know, you’ve told me at least a hundred times since you’ve walked through the door.”

The painter winks and playfully bumps his shoulder against Jimin’s, almost making the latter choke on his sip. 

“Oh fuck right off will you?” 

The sound of his best friend snickering is truly enough to ease his nerves a bit and so, Jimin allows himself to relax.

It’ll be fine. Maybe they’ll have to exchange courteous nods, a few polite words. That’s cool, Jimin can do that. He’s graceful. He’s a fucking ballerina after all. Graceful is his middle name. Yeah, He’s got this.

He chats with a few people here and there and tries to avoid peering at the older man, though he finds himself doing it more often than not. But I mean, he’s just making sure he’s not too close to him. That would be very awkward.

“Jimin-ahhh!” He’s abruptly yanked from his thoughts by a very handsome Hoseok who quickly brings him in for a bruising hug. 

“Hobi-hyung, how are you? It’s been stupidly long! How’s work?” The questions stumble one after the other as the ballerina’s heart fills with joy.

“I’m good actually, work’s been amazing, even got a new collection coming! I’m a lot better than the last time we saw each other!” 

And well, that really makes Jimin happy. So happy he almost forgets why he was so stressed out in the first place. He’s missed him so fucking much.

He almost forgets his bad mood. And he would’ve momentarily let himself breathe normally if it wasn’t for the deep, scratchy voice that just had to perturb his semblance of peacefulness. He wonders what he did, in his precious lives, to deserve this.

“Ya, ‘Seok-ah!”

Jimin has to try real fucking hard not to crouch down and crawl under the nearest table. Alas, the newcomer spots him as soon as he engulfs their mutual friend in his arms—obnoxiously, might Jimin add—.

Yoongi lets go of his hold on the fashion designer and the latter pats his shoulder affectionately. And as quickly as both exes make eye contact, Jimin averts it and chugs down the rest of his flute.

“Jimin-ah, long time no see.”The elder offers a bright smile. Damn, how long has it been since Jimin’s seen that smile? 

“Yoongi-ssi,” The ballerina simply bows politely. God, Jimin really wants to be anywhere but here, idly chatting with the man who broke his heart.

And maybe that’s fucking petty from him, seeing that they haven’t talked for three years. He also thinks he has the right to be petty, all things considered. But Jimin’s been well raised, he has proper manners and he’s not about to stoop so low as to cause a scene.

“It’s good to see you,” Yoongi adds, his unwavering attention on Jimin and him alone.

It makes the latter feel nauseous, to be quite frank. He needs to find a way out of this conversation. 

“Likewise.”

Oh so what if he throws a little white lie here and there? He’s not about to tell him how the sight of him makes him sick to his stomach.

“That’s right, you guys haven’t seen each other since Yoongi-hyung came back right? Damn, we’ve all been so busy.” Hoseok chuckles, a light joyful sound that makes Jimin feel a little better.

“You um— you look well Jiminie. Ginger looks great on you.” 

Say what now?

Are Yoongi’s cheeks getting redder? Fucking hell, Jimin needs to run, now.

“Thanks,” Jimin clears his throat while carding a hand through his hair to soothe himself, one of his many habits.

“Anyway, it was nice to see you Hobi, text me yeah?” He flashes a bright smile his friend’s way. 

“You guys have a great evening.” Jimin bows to the both of them and doesn’t wait for their response to hurriedly head towards the restroom, grabbing another flute of champagne as he does so.

If he’s about to be stuck here with his ex  —who by the way has the audacity to look this good after all these years—, then he certainly will need more of this stuff in his system. Fuck his no-alcohol rule.

He chugs the contents of the flute and stares at his reflection for a while, bewildered by the turn of events. 

Ok so, clearly Yoongi is trying to be civilized here. It’s pretty obvious. And Jimin’s really trying to. But it just makes him absolutely sick to pretend like what Yoongi did hadn’t fucked him up for months and months. Hell, he’s still trying to figure out how to trust someone again. 

That’s not to say that he’s not happy, that’s far from the truth. Jimin is thriving, he’s been a part of the ‘Korean National Ballet’ for two years now, even getting promoted as a soloist shortly after landing the job. 

And he loves it more than he can put into words. It’s not easy, far from it: he has to follow a strict regime, practice hours on end and at times, he barely has a second for anything else. And yet, he’s ridiculously happy.

In a way, he’s glad that Yoongi ended things between them. If he had been in Australia with him then maybe he wouldn’t have gotten such an opportunity.

Nonetheless it still sucks to see him and chat with him like they had parted on good terms. Because they didn’t, and Jimin’s not fond of pretending.

The tap water he splashes on his face is truly absolutely freezing but it’s also exactly what he needs seeing as his breathing quickly slows down. He’s grateful he decided to wear waterproof makeup tonight. 

He’s so deep in his thoughts that he knocks the door right in someone’s face on his way out of the restroom.

“Shit! I’m sorry—,” He stops in his tracks, “..Oh.”

The pianist winces and rubs a hand over his forehead, “Don’t worry it’s all good.” 

It doesn’t seem all good but Jimin’s not really keen on arguing with his ex at the moment, so he settles for an awkward smile, “Um.. are you sure that you’re ok?”

Yoongi waves him off and oh god , there’s a rapidly blooming red spot on his forehead, right under his luscious bleached bangs. 

Oh, how Jimin remembers how he would always reach out and swipe the elder’s mint locks out of his dark chocolatey eyes. The slight itch he gets to just swipe the blond strands away is a painful reminder of it.

“Yeah it’s good, I was just.. are you ok?” 

Jimin’s confused as fuck. He’s not the one who just got beat up by a door. “Yeah..? Why would I not be?” 

“I guess I thought you seemed nervous earlier and,” He rubs at the back of his neck, “I just wanted to make sure that you’re good.”

Well, that’s inconvenient.

“You really don’t have to do that Yoongi.” 

“Oh, I know it’s just, well, you looked—“

“Hyung.” The friendly term that slips past Jimin’s lips surprises Yoongi as much as it surprises him.

“Look.. we’re not together anymore, we’re not friends either. You don’t have to check up on me, I'm good.” 

Maybe he’s being harsh but he’s also saying nothing but the truth, whether he likes it or not. It is what it is.

A pained expression takes over the elder’s features, “Jimin-ah..”

“Can we just..” Jimin’s voice comes out a little less even than he would like, “Can we drop it? It’s fine.”

Yoongi slowly nods though he doesn’t break eye contact. It’s intimidating and too personal for Jimin’s liking. It tugs at his heartstrings and he really doesn’t want that. 

“Good, well then you have a great night. I hope you don’t find Seoul too boring after spending so much time abroad.”

 

Yeah ok he’s petty, whatever. 

 

And just like that he strides off and rejoins the crowd. After all, he’s here to enjoy the night and celebrate this new milestone in Taehyung’s career, not to chatter away with Yoongi, who’s now an old acquaintance at best.

If he notices the sad eyes following him around from time to time throughout the night he doesn’t pay them any attention. He’s done, this chapter of his life has long been over and closed.

Reopening old wounds wouldn’t do him any good.

Yeah.

 

It’s better like this.

 

                             *  *  *

 

Jimin’s always loved the streets of downtown Seoul in the early afternoon, particularly at this time of the year: spring is his favorite season.

They’re busy, fast paced and absolutely riveting. It’s like watching everybody bustling around takes Jimin’s mind off of his own day-to-day life, if only for a moment.

He watches couples walking hand in hand and stealing fond glances at each other, observes business men and women hurriedly heading towards another day of the same old same.

It feels oddly calming.

He’s been so busy with rehearsals for the new ballet he’ll be starring in that it just feels nice to watch other people be busy for once.

This is the last off Sunday he’ll get before heavy rehearsals and run throughs start so he’s making the most of it.

And by making the most of it he means meeting with his best friend for lunch before heading to the company building to rehearse on his own in his free time —he’s a lost cause, truly—. 

“Aren’t you gonna eat more?” 

Taehyung pokes his cheek in a playful manner.

“Nah, I’m heading to the studio after this, gotta keep lunch light.”

He slowly finishes his quinoa and veggie tofu stir-fry, it’s a lunch tradition at this point. 

“Again?! Chim you need to take a break from time to time you know? This is your only off day! I’m aware that starring in ‘Swan Lake’ has always been your dream but you also need to take care of yourself..”

From anybody else Jimin would just shrug the concern off, but Taehyung is his best friend and he understands that he’s only looking out for him.

“I am taking care of myself, please don’t worry too much. But there’s almost only one month left ‘til opening night and I wanna make sure I ace this. This is my chance to show them that I can be a principal dancer.”

It may seem unrealistic and way too ambitious of him, but he knows he’s got what it takes. And what he lacks in other areas, he makes up for with stage presence and grandiosity. 

Jimin’s a born dancer and nothing can stand in his way. 

“You’re so tiny but so fierce,” Taehyung coos as he ruffles Jimin’s ginger head of hair, prompting low groans of protest from the ballerina.

“Exactly.. I’m short, I have to work harder to prove I belong in the most prestigious ballet troupe of the country Tae.”He grumbles, a pout forming on his face.

Taehyung sighs and solemnly stares straight at Jimin, “You absolutely deserve this Chim, don’t let anybody tell you that you don’t.” He gently flips the ballerina’s chin and boops his nose. “You go and show them what you’re made of.”

They soon both go their own ways and Jimin walks all the way to the company building. It’s quiet and less busy than usual, most people taking advantage of their last free Sunday for a while.

As soon as he gets into the studio he carefully stretches and warms up, making sure not to injure himself. He cannot fuck this up, this is his chance.

He decides to practice the solo he’ll be performing right before the ‘‘Pas de trois’ his character is famous for. It requires a lot of strength and stamina and one can never be too prepared for it.

He stays in the studio until the sun goes down, only heading home when the night sky has completely settled over the horizon.

 

                              * * *

On Monday morning he gets into the studio early, chatting here and there with his colleagues as they all busy themselves with stretching. 

“You feel ready for this Kookie? April is gonna be intense as fuck.”

His colleague smiles, a wide, adorable toothy grin, 

“Ready as ever. How are you feeling?”

Jimin stretches further down into a split, bending down as far as he can as he grips his toes with his hand, “Nervous, but very excited.”

The muscular man gets up and takes a large gulp from his water bottle.

“I get that, this is a big deal.”

“Yeah, I’ve dreamed of being a part of this production since, well , forever.”

“You and me both Chim,” The young man replies.

Jimin opens his mouth to respond but their conversation is cut short by the Staging director, dryly clapping her hands together to get everybody’s attention.

They all stand up, the energetic buzzing soon giving place to attentive silence.

“As you all have known for quite some time, we have been working very hard to get a world renowned guest musician to join the orchestra for this production.” 

Everyone bates their breath, the excitement permeating the room is so tangible Jimin thinks he could taste it. They have been very excited about this, it could bring their production to the next level.

“So without further ado I’m proud to present to you our esteemed guest, piano virtuoso and acclaimed musician, Min Yoongi!” 

For a second the world spins so fast Jimin can barely stand in place.

He can only hold his breath and stare in absolute shock as his ex awkwardly walks into the room, massaging the nape of his neck while his furtive gaze scans the room and faces of Jimin’s awestruck colleagues. 

This has gotta be a joke.

Maybe he’ll wake up in his bed, sweaty and panting.

But faith is playing a terrible prank on him and he’s not dreaming. This is real and he realizes it as soon as Yoongi’s eyes land on him, widening in realization.

“Shit, The Min Yoongi, holy fuck this is unreal!” Jungkook excitedly whispers in his ear. 

Clearly he’s done something wrong in his past lives to deserve this, he has no doubts about it.

He gulps audibly,

 

 “Yeah.. unreal.”

 

                              * * *

“I’m leaving tomorrow night.”

Jimin blinks repeatedly as a myriad of emotions flashes through his eyes.

Leaving, as in leaving?

“You’re leaving.. where exactly?”

The pianist tightens his grip on the handle of his large suitcase and stares at the ground before replying, “Australia.”

“For the job they offered? You decided to take it after all?!” Oh Jimin is overjoyed, his lover’s worked so hard to be recognized like this: one of the best pianists there is.

It has truly paid off, seeing as he’s gotten a plethora of offers from all around the globe right after college.

Jimin remembers all too well the endless sleepless nights he had spent at his side, cozied up as best they could on the piano bench. They didn’t have a lot, but damn were they making the most of it. 

He recalls all those times when he had woken up at two o’clock in the morning to the haunting melody of a sad melancholic piece, accompanied by the heartwrenching sound of Yoongi’s muffled sobs. 

The heartache he had felt seems like a distant memory now, but he can still feel the tremor in the elder’s body as he tried to kiss away the despair.

Jimin may only be twenty one years old but he still feels like they’ve both gone through enough hardships to last them a lifetime. 

And a lifetime of happiness by Yoongi’s side truly could not sound any better. 

“Yeah.. I’ve decided to take it.” 

The sound of Jimin bouncing up and down against the wood flooring of their one bedroom apartment must be very annoying to their downstairs neighbors. But he really couldn’t care less at the moment.

“Congratulations hyung!” He engulfs the elder in a tight hug before laying a ferocious kiss on his pink lips. 

The pianist hesitates for a moment but grabs Jimin’s hips nonetheless. He buries his face in the younger’s neck and inhales deeply, something he had always done but still provoked a thousand butterflies to erupt in the ballerina’s stomach.

“Thanks Jimin-ah.. for everything.”

Jimin giggles cutely, “Nonsense! You could’ve told me earlier though, now I won’t be able to join you there right away! But maybe I could move in like three or four weeks? I just have to send applications to ballet companies there and shit but that’s feasible, I can do it!” 

He leans away to swipe a few strands of mint hair out of the pianist’s eyes and teases, “Don’t miss me too much, alright?” 

The look of absolute guilt that takes over Yoongi’s features is enough to alarm him that something isn’t quite right. But the elder stays silent still, and Jimin knows all too well that he has trouble opening up, even after they’ve spent years together.

So he presses on, 

“Baby.. what is it? If it’s because I’m not joining you straight away I promise I’ll do what I can to join you as fast as I can.”

The grip on his waist tightens and he presses a tender kiss on the elder’s lips. 

“Jimin.. I—“ Yoongi’s voice breaks.

Something’s very wrong, Jimin knows it. But he really doesn’t understand what could be so wrong. They’re starting a new chapter of their lives, they should be happy.

“It’s ok hyung, you can tell me,” The ballerina caresses the pianist’s jawline, his eyes full of love and concern carefully observe Yoongi’s somber features.

“Fuck,” Yoongi curses as he squeezes his eyes shut, only to open them again and stare straight into Jimin’s soul, “Jimin, I’m not coming back for a long time.”

The latter sends him a quizzical look and nervously chuckles, “I mean, I figured. It’s fine, we’ll figure it out.”

“No, I’m not coming back for a long time.” His hands drop from the ballerina’s hips.

“What.. what are you trying to say Yoongi? I can’t read your mind.” 

When Yoongi speaks again he doesn’t look at Jimin, instead choosing to gaze aimlessly past the younger’s shoulder.

“You should stay here Jimin.”

He may never have been scared about it before, but Jimin is scared about his heart now. Because it’s beating wildly in his ribcage, so much so that he feels a bit dizzy.

“What do you mean I should stay here? I’m not letting you go alone there and only seeing you once every few months or so, no way in hell. I’m coming with you.” 

His pained eyes focus on Jimin again and realization dawns onto him as soon as they do. 

“Are you—“ He takes a shallow unsteady breath, “Are you saying what I think you’re saying?”

“I- I think so.. you have so much going on here and- and it wouldn’t make sense for you to come with me.”

“What do you mean it wouldn’t make sense?! Of course it would make sense! I fucking love you, you idiot, and I want to be next to you, what doesn’t make sense? I can find another job there, I have a great reputation, it wouldn't be hard!” His tone gains volume as his emotions swirl violently in his chest.

Yoongi’s being stupid, why would he even say something like that? They’ve been planning this for months now, they’ve talked about it so much that the many conversations blur together at this point.

“Jiminie I’m just- I don’t want you to come.”

It’s like the ballerina’s been slapped right in the face. 

 

He can’t mean it.

 

“You.. don’t want me to come..?” Jimin takes a few steps back and at this point the state of his voice matches the state of his heart, hoarse and broken. 

“No..” 

The pianist's eyes drop to the floor, unshed tears glistening amongst the sadness reflected in them.

“You—“ A sharp intake of air, “.. you don’t love me anymore?” 

Yoongi shakes his head and snaps his gaze back to Jimin’s utterly dejected expression. He lets out such a choked sob that it would have broken the ballerina’s heart if it wasn’t already destroyed. 

“That’s not it, damn it! Jimin, I fucking love you but.. it’s not right— this,” He gestures between the both of them, “..me, you, this situation! We need to focus on ourselves, we..” 

Jimin can’t even register the words, when had the elder made this decision on their behalf? How long had it been since he had decided that they couldn’t go on? 

“.. we need to go our separate ways..” Yoongi ends in a whisper, a tear escaping his tear ducts. He’s quick to wipe it off.

“So that’s it then? We’re done?” Jimin murmurs back. He’s afraid to speak louder, he couldn’t handle it. 

 

“Yeah.. I think it’s for the best.”

 

“After almost three years, just like that? Because we need to,” He lifts his hands up and mimics quotation marks for emphasis, “..’ focus’ on ourselves?”

“Jimin you don’t understand—“

The ballerina’s voice turns cold and hostile in the matter of a split second,

“You’re right I don’t understand.” He hastily grabs a discarded hoodie and puts it on, “I’ll make myself scarce then, since I’m not needed here anymore.”

Yoongi  suddenly panics and latches his hand on the younger’s arm, “Wait can we talk—“

“You’ve said plenty I reckon. I hope you find whatever it is that you’re looking for in Australia, hyung.”

“Jimin, wait, please!” The pianist shouts, distressed. Though Jimin can’t figure out why. He got exactly what he wanted: for Jimin to leave and never come back.

The ballerina yanks Yoongi’s hand off of his arm, despite the latter's strong grip on him, and opens the door hastily. 

He looks back for the last time, tears streaming down his face like they would fall down a fogged up window on a rainy day.

The pain he feels as he observes the delicate features of the one he had once thought was his everything tears through him like a knife.

“Have a safe flight Yoongi.”

The slam of the door forcefully closing reverberates through the empty hallway. 

But that’s nothing compared to the hollow screams of sorrow echoing throughout Jimin’s heart.

He walks and walks along the sidewalk, basked in the harsh glow of the streetlights. He walks until he’s soaked to the bone under the steady rainfall that cries silently along with him. 

He walks until he’s so tired that he hides under a bus shelter, shivering as the cold paralyzes him.

After a long moment of staring straight ahead at nothing in particular, he manages to grab his cell phone and dials the only number he could think of.

He’s so cold that he can barely talk amidst the loud clattering of teeth,

 

“T-tae..” 

 

                             * * *

They both stare each other down for a few uncomfortable seconds, both men equally dumbfounded by the situation.

To be fair, it’s not like it’s an impossible scenario, something that could have never happened. They both work in the entertainment and arts industry, are a part of the elite when it comes to their own craft, there’s always been a chance. 

It’s just that it was terribly small, so much so in fact that it had never crossed Jimin’s mind. 

The thing is, as much as he’s not feeling angry and scorned about the whole breakup anymore, Jimin likes to be prepared. 

And he wasn’t prepared for this.

Maybe he’s also still a bit hurt. But it’s not like the deep gaping hole that had pierced his soul and rendered him numb for months, it’s really not that bad.

It’s more like the kind of hurt that you get when you look at an old photograph that keeps the memory of a precious moment alive. Or the kind of feeling that inhabits you whole when you think about something that changed you forever, just a tiny speck of something indescribable that pinches your heart from time to time.

His break up with Yoongi had definitely changed him. Albeit, Jimin can’t say if it’s for better or worse.

All he knows is that he doesn’t trust as easily now and that he’s always afraid that people will leave him in the blink of an eye. 

The therapist he had seen for a couple of months had told him it was a perfectly normal reaction and that his feelings were valid, no matter what the situation was. She had taught him a few things that had helped him become a little less wary and ultimately gave him a new point of view regarding what had happened.

But Jimin is still careful about his heart and who he gives parts of it to now. He can’t help it.

A few months have passed since the last time he’s crossed Yoongi’s path, namely at Taehyung’s vernissage in January. 

He feels awful about the way he’s treated the pianist that night, as if he was merely a nuisance, an insect.

Thing is, Jimin can’t even kill spiders without crying. So how exactly, and most of all why, had he reacted so emotionally? 

He’s come to the realization that it is simply because he was taken aback and hadn’t been in his ex’s presence for three years. 

 

Three years.

 

That’s a hell of a long time.

How does someone prepare for such a reunion?

Is it even possible?

And here he is again, completely blindsided by Yoongi’s appearance. 

Everybody talks about some people and how they're god’s favorite, but when it comes to Jimin he thinks he’s more like god’s favorite soldier. 

Yeah, maybe he’s being a tad dramatic.

“..and honestly I’m very honored to be able to work with talented professionals such as yourselves. We’ve been working on rearranging all musical aspects of this production to fit in the piano and I really hope you guys will like it.”

There’s a loud round of applause and Jimin sheepishly joins in, heat lodging in his cheeks as soon as he notices the elder’s gaze on him yet again. 

Yoongi takes a seat at the far corner of the room and observes the dancers with interest as they start rehearsing. 

Normally Jimin wouldn’t have trouble focusing and shutting out all distractions. But this time around, he’s so aware of the feline eyes following his movements that he stumbles and misses quite a few steps. So much so that Jungkook points it out at some point.

God he’s so ready for this rehearsal to be over.

After a few missed steps he decides to leave and take a quick break to fill up his water bottle and splash some water on his sweaty face. 

Which is exactly when the pianist decides to leave the studio and approach him because of course .

“You’re an amazing dancer Jimin-ah.”

The elder leans on the wall right next to the ballerina while the latter fills his bottle at the water fountain. 

“I’ve gotten a lot better since you’ve last seen me dance.”

“You really did,” Yoongi starts, soon correcting himself. Which, to be honest, makes Jimin giggle internally. 

“I mean, not that you weren’t amazing before! You were! God I was always like, mesmerized every time I saw you dance. But now.. yeah..” He clears his throat, “..you’ve gotten even better.”

At this point Jimin really can’t contain the small smile and light giggle that bubbles up, “Thanks Yoongi-ssi.”

“Yeah you— you’re welcome..” 

The elder seems so fucking nervous that it throws Jimin for a loop and he finds himself wanting to soothe him, despite his common sense telling him not to. 

“I can’t say much about your playing but I’m sure you’ve gotten better too,” He aims a wide grin at Yoongi in hopes that it’ll calm him down a bit.

Which seems to do the trick because the elder seems to become less rigid and a small smile forms on his pinkish lips. 

“Don’t be too quick praising me,” He chortles, and fuck Jimin didn’t realize how much he had missed that sound. “You’ll see for yourself soon enough.”

“Seems like I will,” They stay unmoving and silent for a few moments and the slight awkwardness slowly creeps back in, 

“See you inside?” Jimin gestures towards the studio.

Yoongi tucks a few strands of hair behind his ear,

“Yeah.”

Taking that as his chance to slip back in the studio, Jimin leisurely makes his way back inside. 

He’s almost in when he suddenly stops and swirls around, capturing his bottom lip in between his teeth as he tries to gain enough courage to ask the question that’s been gnawing at him since Yoongi walked in the door earlier.

“Hyung..” He timidly starts.

And the pianist looks at him with wide eyes, an almost hopeful look in his eyes.

It gives the ballerina enough courage and so he tentatively asks,

“Did you come back for this?”

The elder blinks a few times before shyly replying, 

“I mean.. yes and no. I’ve missed Seoul, this gave me the perfect opportunity to come back.”

 

He’s missed Seoul, yeah ok.

Does that mean he’s staying? For good?

The ballerina really wishes his heart wouldn’t do this.. thing at the other’s words but it still does and he tries to suppress his emotions to the best of his abilities. It’s all really overwhelming and confusing and he’s not sure how he feels about it yet.

 

“I’m sure Seoul’s missed you too.”

 

Yoongi’s eyes widen significantly at Jimin’s words and the latter thinks he can make out the pianist’s adam’s apple as it bobs up and down.

“Yeah, you think so?” His voice sounds so damn unsure that it almost breaks Jimin’s heart.

Some things never change it seems. And Yoongi’s always been looking for reassurance that he’s wanted and needed. Which Jimin was always great at, and it seems that’s not changed too. 

“Yeah I think so.”

 

                              * * *

The ballerina is comfortably sprawled upon the L shaped couch that he bought a few months ago when it happens for the first time, tucked under layers of blankets.

His fingers seem to be frozen for a moment as he stares at the notification, heart suddenly beating way too fast for someone who’s been nothing but a vegetable for the last hour or so.

He opens the notification with trembling fingers, automatically breathing a sigh of relief as he understands that since it's a message request, the other won’t know he’s read it.

 

[Min Yoongi]: Hey, it’s Yoongi.

 

So he takes his time, gnaws at his fingernails until he realizes what he’s doing and stops. He types a message and erases it, then he repeats the pattern at least two other times before he growls and curses himself.

‘Stop being so goddamn anxious you dumbass ’ his kind brain supplies. 

They’ve been chatting quite a bit these days, it’s inevitable since they work with each other almost everyday, or at least run into each other in the company’s building. 

It’s almost disturbing how quickly they got comfortable with each other again, teasing the other and talking about their days and what not. 

Naturally they never talk about the break up or the reasons behind it, nor do they talk about their previous relationship —though certain anecdotes come up from time to time—. They settle on the present and nothing else. 

But it helped Jimin realize just how much he missed the pianist. And not as a lover, no. They were friends before they fell in love, and Jimin has been missing his confidant and partner in crime more than anything.

Of course he has Taehyung, but that’s different. He wouldn’t trade him for the world, but each relationship brings something different to each individual’s life and it’s no different when it comes to Yoongi and Taehyung. 

Thing is, they never crossed the line of texting each other or talking outside of work, so Jimin can’t help but feel nervous about this sudden gigantic step.

He shakes himself out of his thoughts and finally settles on a sly remark,

 

[Park Jimin]: your user name kinda gave you away hyung

 

It barely takes a few seconds for the pianist to reply.

 

[Min Yoongi]: Ah, that makes sense.

 

The ballerina chuckles as he sends in another message.

 

[Park Jimin]: does someone else manage your account or are you just bad with insta

[Min Yoongi]: Aish Park Jimin, respect your elders.

The feet kicking and endeared chuckles can truly only be attributed to his sleep deprived state and nothing else. 

 

[Park Jimin]: sorry grandpa

[Park Jimin]: anyway, why’d you text?

 

It takes a few minutes for the elder to reply and so Jimin lets himself click on his profile and stalk his ex a bit. It truly seems like someone else manages his account because the posts are devoid of the pianist’s personality. 

But maybe Jimin doesn’t really know him now.

 

[Min Yoongi]: Yeah I was wondering if you wanted to grab a bite before heading to the studio tomorrow.

 

Mmhm, that’s two times Yoongi’s crossed the imaginary line they had implicitly drawn. Somehow Jimin can’t bring himself to refuse though. He’d like grabbing a bite with Yoongi. 

That truly scares him shitless. 

 

[Park Jimin]: i mean if you’re paying, then yeah

 

They can be friends, it’s fine. They were good as friends, and he's missed his friend terribly.

Yeah it’s fine. 

 

[Min Yoongi]: I’m paying.

[Park Jimin]: as you should🤭 the coffee place right next to the company building then? 

[Min Yoongi]: That works. When do you have to get in? 

[Park Jimin]: at ten 

[Min Yoongi]: Ok, let’s say nine thirty then?

[Park Jimin]: yah, see u tomorrow 

 

                              * * *

“Ah fuck!” 

The duffel bag that Jimin had securely placed on his shoulder unceremoniously drops down to the ground with a loud ‘thud’. 

The ballerina immediately bends down to pick it up, cursing under his breath as soon as he realizes that the strap has snapped. It’s Jimin’s favorite bag. And now he has to get it fixed somehow.

Plus, he’s almost at the café where he’s supposed to meet Yoongi for breakfast and so he’ll have to make do with this bag for the day. Because there’s no way he’s walking back home. 

So he somehow manages to tie the broken end of the strap around the metallic loop where it had previously hung from and carefully brings it back to his shoulder.

Soon enough he finds himself in front of the coffee shop, immediately recognizing his ex’s icy blond, slightly tousled head of hair. He’s sitting up straight at a table at the far end of the terrace, wearing a loose white shirt that’s very appropriate considering that the weather is quite warm for a spring day.

The latter doesn’t notice him because he has his back turned to the ballerina and that gives Jimin enough time to freak out, just a little . Why did he even agree to this? And why does his heart feel all kinds of funny?

When had they started becoming friendly again?

Most of all, Jimin is bewildered by how easy it is to fall back into familiar patterns. And it’s hitting him now, of all times, instead of like yesterday when he had accepted the invitation.

He stands there for a few moments as he inhales and exhales deeply, unbothered by the strange looks he gets from passersby and clients sitting at the terrace.

It’s only when he feels that the erratic beating of his heart has settled down and that the minute shaking in his hands has disappeared that he walks up to the table and gracefully sits down, dropping his bag on the chair next to him as he does so.

The smile that greets him cannot be described as anything but blinding and Jimin is simply stunned, to say the least. He can’t even believe that after all those years, the sight still has him weak in the knees.

To say that he hadn’t expected that reaction from himself is an understatement. He doesn’t know what to make of all these intense feelings contradicting themselves within him. 

One moment he’s incredibly happy to have reconnected with his ex, and the next moment he feels a pang of hurt striking through his chest as he remembers all that had transpired between them.

Three years is a long time and yet, his emotions seem to be just as strong. Doesn’t matter if they’re positive or negative.

The ballerina shifts on the chair and brings it forward, greeting the elder with a smile that threatens to split his face in half.

Fuck this, he’s happy to be here, with Yoongi. 

Overthinking be damned.

“Hey! I wasn’t sure if I should wait for you or not so I went ahead and grabbed myself a cup of coffee.” 

Jimin rolls his eyes knowingly, “You and your caffeine addiction. I’d never dare get in the way of that.”

“I’m not addicted!” He says in mock indignation, “I’m just a much more agreeable being when I’ve had coffee.” 

“You keep telling yourself that,” Jimin waves him off.

“You bet your pretty ass I will,” Yoongi’s eyes train down to Jimin’s bag and he quirks a brow questioningly, “What happened to your bag?”

Oh god can Jimin be any more flustered? Yoongi doesn’t seem fazed in the slightest by his comment, doesn’t even seem to realize it.

I mean it’s no secret that Jimin has a great ass, it’s just.. it’s been a while since he heard it from the elder. It probably just slipped out by accident, a habit that had momentarily creeped back in.

Yeah ok.

“Uh?” It takes a few seconds for Jimin to focus again. “Oh, that. I don’t know, it just broke while I was walking earlier.”

The pianist hums pensively, “I mean, how many years have you had that bag now? I’m surprised it held on for that long.”

“I’ve had it since you gave it to me so.. I guess maybe five years or so? I don’t know. But yeah. I’m still not getting rid of it, I’ll get it fixed.”

A waiter soon comes up to them and the ballerina orders a matcha almond milk latte paired with a greek yogurt while the elder simply orders another cup of coffee, black.

“You’re not gonna eat anything?”

Yoongi takes a sip of coffee before a fond grin creeps up his face, “Nah, I’m full just watching you eat.” 

“Shtop waching me eawt you weirdo” Jimin manages as he stuffs his face with yogurt.

The pianist throws his head back with laughter and they both make small talk as the younger man devours his breakfast.

When he’s done Yoongi eyes him curiously and states,

“You never told me how you became a soloist so damn fast.”

It’s more like a question but Jimin doesn’t mind it at all. In fact he’s flattered that the older man remembers that for someone his age, the ballerina is quite advanced in his career. 

“I guess after I was done with my training they were impressed enough to offer me a leading spot in the ‘corps de ballet’ straight away.”

“That’s impressive as fuck Jimin.”

The ballerina flushes at the praise, “Yeah?” 

Sue him but even though he already knows it's impressive, he really likes the way the praise sounds directly from the other’s mouth.

“It really is. I’m proud of you.”

“Well, coming from such an accomplished musician it means quite a lot, thank you Min Yoongi-ssi.” He purposefully takes on a posh accent, which prompts an amused huff from the pianist. 

“You’re impossible,” He starts, “I’m trying to compliment you here, your highness.”

Jimin giggles and finishes his now lukewarm drink,

“So am I.” 

Yoongi sends him an incredibly soft smile before he glances at his phone, eyes widening immediately. “We need to get going, you gotta be there in five.”

And just like that they’re hurriedly grabbing their things and dashing towards the company building, exchanging giggles and light teasing as they do.

They stop at the studio’s entrance.

“I gotta take care of a few things but.. I’ll see you later at run through?”

Jimin tightens his grip on the duffle bag’s strap and nods, “Yeah, see you later Yoongi-ah.”

The elder stills in his movement and stares in surprise at the ballerina for a little too long and it’s beginning to make the latter anxious. He doesn’t understand why Yoongi seems so taken aback. Had he not expected him to show up for run through? He couldn’t miss it even if he wanted to. 

Unless he wants to lose his job that is.

“O-ok then, you have a great morning Jiminie.” 

And just like that he’s gone and Jimin is utterly confused. 

 

                               * * *

 

[Min Yoongi]: Did you end up sleeping at the studio last night or???

[Park Jimin]: verrry funny. yes, even put up a tent inside and shit, had a little campfire

[Min Yoongi]: Damn, next time tell me! I’ll bring marshmallows and we can lay down and watch the blinking motion detectors.

[Park Jimin]: what a romantic

[Min Yoongi]: You know it!

                               * * *

[Park Jimin]: r u at work yet?

[Min Yoongi]: Yeah. Are you not?

[Park Jimin]: how could u not notice my absence? shit that hurts

[Min Yoongi]: A fatal mistake, I’m sorry. I came in super early and haven’t left the music room since like five.

[Park Jimin]: not even to pee? r u ok?

[Min Yoongi]: Yeah yeah, just something that wasn’t working for one of the scenes. I’m fixing it though.

[Park Jimin]: damn that sucks. i’m stopping at the shop and bringing you an extra large coffee

[Min Yoongi]: You are an angel on earth and I will give you anything you want.

[Park Jimin]: oop that’s a dangerous promise and I’ll hold you to it👀

[Min Yoongi]: Fuck. I only have myself to blame.

[Park Jimin]: yeeeeep

The smirk that tugs at the corner of Jimin’s lips as he makes his way into the coffee shop is absolutely involuntary and quite frankly embarrassing but he can’t bring himself to care anymore. The last three weeks of work have been absolutely exhausting but somehow, Yoongi’s presence has managed to make it all bearable.

Which really isn’t something Jimin had ever thought he’d say again in this lifetime and yet here he is, buying him a warm drink and feeding his unhealthy caffeine addiction.

But being friends with Yoongi has brought out a side of him that he had thought long gone and he’s not willing to let that go for now. Not for old heartaches and resentment. 

This is the present and Jimin refuses to live in the past. It's never brought on anything good.

He wonders if this is how Yoongi views this whole situation too, like by reconnecting with each other they’re also rekindling with a part of themselves. Or maybe he’s not overthinking this like the ballerina is. 

That’s probably it.

 

Jimin whistles to himself as he walks in the building, greeting a few people here and there before heading towards the music room.

He takes his time, knowing that he’s a good fifteen minutes early and trutts happily down the hall, warm drinks in both hands. 

When he hears the soft press of ivories caressing his ears, it’s like a thousand flowers bloom in his chest all at once.

The melody is very subdued at first, almost getting lost amongst the noises filling the corridor. But as Jimin inches closer he hears it better. 

It’s surprising how a simple melody can bring back so many memories. 

Not that he had forgotten the composition. It’s just that he had pushed it to the back of his head for his own sanity. 

But it’s there again, within earshot, and it’s even more beautiful than it was before. The same song he had heard almost every night for months, witnessing the way the elder’s creative mind worked as he added patterns and switched things up to get the results he had envisioned.

 

Serendipity he had named it.

Funny how that word takes a life of its own nowadays.

 

Suddenly the song is too much for Jimin’s heart, too enveloping, too warm and sincere. So he knocks on the threshold loudly. Yoongi startles and turns around sharply, only deflating when he notices Jimin entering the room.

“I come bearing gifts.” He sticks his tongue out and brings the elder his coffee.

He grabs it and immediately takes a sip, wincing as soon as the liquid hits his tongue.

“Aish that’s hot.”

“It’s coffee hyung.” The ballerina levels him with an unimpressed expression. 

“Precisely,” A radiant smile. “Were uh—did you just get here?”

Jimin knows what the elder is asking. And he’s not one to lie often but maybe it’s better if he does at this moment, “Yep, just got here.” He leans his hip onto the grand piano, “Have you found a solution to your problem?” 

“Yeah yeah. I just needed to stop analyzing it and feel it instead.”

“And that worked?” Jimin is dubious, Yoongi’s never been one to lean more on emotions: he has a very analytical mind. 

“It worked,” Yoongi chuckles mirthfully, “I learned a lot of shit in Australia. But what helped me the most is learning to feel instead of thinking sometimes.”

A wistful sigh escapes the pianist's lips as he cautiously looks into Jimin’s eyes,  “Could’ve saved me from a lot of sleepless nights if I had learned that earlier on.”

Oh.

Ok.

So maybe he’s implying something else than what Jimin thinks. Yeah he’s probably just overthinking as usual.

But..

 

It’s that look. 

That look Yoongi is giving him right now. 

It’s the look he’d give him every time words failed him, every time he wanted to tell Jimin just how much he loved him but just.. couldn’t. Because it was too much and undescribable. Jimin knows because he felt exactly the same.

Those sparkly, magnetic eyes. All chocolatey swirls and an almost worshipful hint to them. 

The pianist would look at him like this when Jimin would wake up in the morning, puffy and grouchy. Or when they would make love and he’d suddenly lean back to observe the younger man, all awestruck and reverent. It always made Jimin feel special, loved.

No, not loved. It was more than that.

More like Yoongi was completely devoted to him.

 

Utter devotion.

 

And Jimin’s not sure if he can handle this after all, not when the elder is looking at him like he’s one of the seven wonders. 

He can’t trust his judgment and he certainly can’t trust someone with his heart, especially if that someone is Yoongi. Been there, done that, been completely destroyed in the end. 

Nope. No.

It must’ve taken too long for Jimin to snap out of his thoughts because suddenly Yoongi is up and he’s getting closer and, yeah no Jimin can’t do this.

“Jimin-ah..? Are you ok?” 

He’s not, he feels like his heart might burst out of his chest and land straight on the floor. “Y-yeah I’m—I..” He swallows harshly and takes a few steps back, “I’m o-ok, um—enjoy your coffee hyung.” 

“Jimin?” The elder’s tone is terribly concerned but Jimin can’t see past the tremor in his hands or the suffocating fog in his head. 

So he almost runs out of the room and heads straight for the restroom next to the dance studio. 

Thankfully no one is there and so he enters a stall and locks it before sliding down onto the toilet, head in his hands. He can’t see, can’t think, can’t even breathe properly. It’s all chocolate haze and soft lips, darkness and cold. 

He’s fucking terrified, it’s been a long time since he’s had an anxiety attack and he momentarily forgets how to pace himself and come back to the present. 

He straight up starts gasping for air, all of his limbs are tingly and it almost feels like he’s just a stranger observing a dramatic scene.

Except it’s him and god why does he feel like this, like his lungs will fucking burst any moment now?

Jimin recalls his therapy sessions, focuses on remembering what had worked best for him.

He breathes in and out, counting to ten each time he exhales and inhales. Then he puts both hands on the marble floor to ground himself and counts each and every black dot he can find on the flooring pattern.

 

Inhale, exhale.

 

It seems like whatever omnipotent entity exists is on the ballerina’s side today. Because after a little while and at least a thousand black dots, he’s able to breathe properly again, his vision isn’t tunneling anymore and he feels like he can maybe stand up on his own.

Thus he does, experimentally, he’s a little wobbly on his feet at first but it doesn't take long for him to regain his balance. He splashes cold water on his face and arms. It’s only then, after carefully examining himself in the mirror, that he steps out of the restroom and heads to the studio.

He opens his cellphone and notices a few notifications from instagram, all from Yoongi. As much as he appreciates the concern he just cannot deal with this right now. So he pockets his cellphone and turns the vibration off.

From an outsider’s point of view it may seem reckless to just go on with his day after an episode like this. However, Jimin is used to this. He’s been having these attacks for years now. It’s gotten better in the last year but that doesn’t really mean anything in the long run. 

A ballerina lives under pressure, constantly. He’s got this. 

Therefore he holds his head up high and steps into the room proudly, any sign of his episode hidden deep within himself. 

He’ll deal with it later. 

 

                                * * *

The last two days have been nothing but hectic and even if Jimin had time to talk to Yoongi, he wouldn’t know what to say. So instead he focuses on rehearsal and it’s going very well, truth be told.

When they do a run through he strictly forbids himself from even looking at the pianist, that would fuck up his whole routine and he knows it. People may say whatever the hell they want about his emotional outbursts and the way he deals with his feelings, but at least he’s very self aware. He’s working on himself, slowly, one step at a time.

Now, there’s only a week left until the first performance and as much as he’s fucking tired he’s also buzzing with excitement. He’s been dreaming of this since he was a little kid. And he’s actually doing it, he’s dancing for the most prestigious ballet troupe of the country in their own rendition of Swan Lake.

If someone had told him that he’d be doing this ten years ago he would’ve laughed in their face. 

After a long day of rehearsal Jimin finally slides into bed and aimlessly scrolls through his instagram timeline. He needs to go to sleep soon but he also really needs a bit of distraction from the whole whirlwind that is his life at the moment.

He scrolls and scrolls until his eyelids begin to weigh heavily and he just has to close them. He’s almost asleep when his phone starts ringing loudly, jolting him awake in the span of a second. 

Who the fuck is calling him at this hour?

Jimin doesn’t even look at the caller ID before answering the phone.

 

“Yeah?” He croaks out.

“Jimin I’m so sorry to call you this late but this is kind of a big emergency.” It’s the company’s staging director, Cho Dasom, and she never calls unless something is very pressing.

His eyes snap open and he sits up straight,

“What’s wrong?” 

“It’s Myung, he hurt his ankle Jimin. He can’t put weight on it for weeks, let alone dance on it.”

Oh. fucking. shit.

“Oh my god this is bad..” He whispers, a dreadful feeling settling in his stomach, “What’s gonna happen?! Please tell me that you have a backup, that someone’s taking his place..”

Myung’s role is crucial, he’s dancing the same nights as Jimin is, they’re part of the same cast. And Myung’s role is Prince Siegfried, aka the main character aside from the Swan Princess. 

So yeah, they’re in deep shit. This is a fucking catastrophe. 

“That’s why I’m calling you Jimin.”

Ok now he’s confused. All his ballet friends work for the same company, he doesn’t know anyone who could take this, especially on such short notice.

“Uh?”

“We need someone who knows the role, has the steps memorized and has a strong work ethic on top of a grand stage persona. That’s you Jimin.”

The ballerina stays completely silent as his mind tries to register what Dasom just said. It doesn’t make sense. This is a lead role and Jimin is a soloist.

She must take his silence as hesitation because she hurriedly starts trying to convince him,

“I know this is very short notice and I know we’re asking a lot but Jimin there’s no one who could do this except you, no one that’s available. And this is an exceptional opportunity for a lead role. I know you’re already familiar with the steps, you’ve seen and helped Myung practice for months and..” She rambles on and on about the perks of taking on the role while Jimin listens with a foggy brain.

Ok so he won’t lie and say this isn’t the opportunity of the century because it kind of is. But he has a week to practice. And that’s it.

Can he do this? 

He’s talented and he knows the steps by heart. But can he really do this?

Once Dasom finishes her monologue Jimin quietly asks, “Can’t Iseul do it..?”

“No, he can’t do all the representations. That would be too exhausting.”

“If I—“ His throat is so dry he almost coughs, “If I say yes, who’s gonna take my role?”

“I had Byungho or Jungkook in mind, their roles are easier to replace. But I’ll deal with that later.” 

Jimin takes a deep breath. “Ok.”

“Ok what? Will you do it?” 

The ballerina can sense the anxiety in the staging director’s voice. It’s strange to feel this needed, all of a sudden. It gives him enough confidence to give his answer. And he’s really hoping he won’t end up regretting it.

 

“I’ll do it.”

 

                              * * *

“Just—if she says something mean, don’t listen to her, ok? I love you like crazy and if she can’t accept that it has nothing to do with you.” Yoongi murmurs as he lays his forehead against Jimin’s and tenderly cups the latter’s cheeks.

The older man can hear his heartbeat going wild in his chest and he absolutely hates that his mother can still, after all these years, have such an effect on him.

She wants him to do what makes him happy. But unless, of course, what makes him happy is pursuing his love for piano or, evidently, being with a man. He has a sneaking suspicion that she would be unhappy with whatever decision he could make.

Because she’s not happy with him, point blank.

However, as much as he tries to push it aside, he can’t help but look for her blessing in whichever endeavor he undertakes. It drives Yoongi absolutely mad but he can’t really help it, no matter how far away he moves and how little contact he keeps with his mother.

With Jimin by his side it’s ok though. As long as Jimin is here he can take whatever she throws his way. The young man is the most selfless, strong and resilient person he’s ever met.

It truly is a miracle that he somehow settled for someone like Yoongi. Nonetheless, the latter will never take his love for granted.

The elder doesn’t even realize he’s shaking until Jimin lays both of his delicate hands on top of his own.. It calms him down immediately. He’s genuinely like some sort of miracle medicine to the pianist.

“It’s ok baby. We’re ok, she’s not a monster. Just a very sad lady. And she doesn’t deserve a drop of your energy.” He soothingly breathes against him, his warm breath fanning over the elder’s skin. 

How is it possible to love someone this much? It would be scary if Yoongi wasn’t absolutely devoted to the younger man, body and soul. He doesn’t need to worry because he’ll be spending the rest of his life loving him, adoring him. 

As he usually does when he’s completely overtaken by emotions, Yoongi tilts the younger man’s head and leans down to taste the sweetest lips to have ever existed.

It’s not as gentle as usual: the pianist is too restless for that. Instead he kisses his lover bruisingly, gathering all of the fervor swimming inside of him only to pour it out into the press of his lips against Jimin’s. 

It still surprises him how attuned the other is to his feelings. He kisses him with just as much passion but in spite of that, Jimin still lets Yoongi lead the pas de deux.

And oh, how beautifully they dance together.

A magical spectacle only for the two of them.

He almost whines at the loss of contact when Jimin parts from his lips to speak again, giggling sheepishly at the elder’s reaction,

“Your parents are waiting for us hyung. And I’m not sure they’d like to know that we’re basically making out on their front porch.”

Yoongi groans and dives down to pepper the ballerina’s reddened lips with a thousand kisses,

“I don’t give a single fuck.” 

Oh what a beautiful sound, that chime like, airy laugh. 

“Well I do,” Jimin swats at the elder’s ass, “Come on, let’s get this over with yeah?”

Yoongi mumbles under his breath but knocks on the door nonetheless. He feels calmer now that he’s kissed his lover.

 

It works like a charm. Every single time. 

 

His father answers the door and ushers them in. They make small talk as they hang their coats in the closet and once they’re done they head to the living room, promptly sitting down at the dining table where Yoongi’s mother is already seated, a glass of red wine in hand. 

She barely hides her disdain as she eyes the both of them. Or maybe she hides it well and Yoongi is just too used to it, he knows exactly what she thinks as soon as he takes a peek at her.

“Hayoon, this is Jimin.” He lazily drapes an arm over Jimin’s shoulders, “Eomeoni this is Jimin, my boyfriend.”

Jimin smiles politely, “I’m honored to meet you, Mrs. Kim.”

The older woman nods dryly, “Would you like some wine?”

If Yoongi’s blood is boiling it can only be attributed to his mother’s blatant disrespect.

“No thank you, I don’t really drink.” 

She hums approvingly and sends Yoongi a pointed look. “Maybe all isn’t lost.” 

The pianist’s father takes a seat at the table,

“Yoongi do you want a glass of wine?”

The latter keeps his gaze fixed on his mother as he accepts his father’s offer, “Don’t mind if I do.”

He can feel the younger’s hand reassuringly squeezing his thigh and yeah, he definitely needs Jimin here. 

Hayoon stands up and heads to the kitchen, which prompts Yoongi to relax a bit. He unclenches his jaw and leaves a small peck on the ballerina’s smooth cheek. “I’m sorry,” He whispers.

Jimin shakes his head and gives him an encouraging smile. 

“So, how is school going Yoongi-ah?” His father asks, genuine interest sparkling in his deep brown eyes.

Yoongi sits up straighter and unlatches his hand from his boyfriend’s shoulders to take a sip of wine, “It’s going good, it’s demanding but I manage well.” 

“That’s good, I’m glad.” 

Bless his dad, he wouldn’t have survived this far if it wasn’t for him.

The mood sours as quickly as it had gotten better when his mom walks back in with two plates of Jeyuk Bokkeum. She drops them in front of Yoongi and Jimin before grabbing two more and settling both plates in front of Yoongi’s dad and herself.

They start eating silently, there’s so much tension swirling between him and his mom that it can probably be felt all the way over to the Gangnam district.

One thing is certain, Jimin feels it. At least Yoongi thinks so, if the slow rub of dainty fingers on his thigh is any indication. He’s so damn grateful for the younger’s presence. 

Sadly, the tension reaches boiling point when Hayoon speaks again, an almost mocking lilt to her tone,

“Are you currently studying Jimin?” 

“I am, Mrs. Kim.” Jimin tries his best to smile but Yoongi can see how strained it is. 

“And what is it that you are studying?” 

Yoongi’s dad drops his utensils on the table and reaches for the older woman’s hand,

“Hayoon leave the poor man alone will you? We’re eating this isn’t the proper time.”

“I’m simply curious!” Her smile is so fake Yoongi can’t help but roll his eyes. “So?”

“It’s alright Mr. Min.” He gently starts, “I’m currently training to be a ballet dancer.”

 

Truthfully, Yoongi should’ve seen it coming. But it still took him by surprise when his mother suddenly hit the dining table with both hands, almost spilling her glass of wine as she did.

“A ballet dancer! Did you hear that Ilsung?! Our son is planning to build a life with a ballet dancer?” Her shrill sounds of pure outrage take Jimin by surprise and Yoongi notices the latter shrinks onto himself.

So he instantly grabs the other man’s hand in his. He’s two seconds away from making a scene, two seconds.  

“Our only son, that we raised and gave everything to! All the tools he could need to build a proper future! And instead, he throws it all away, all our efforts, to play around with some.. pathetic excuse of a man!”

His father looks just as shocked as the rest of them.

“Enough! Who do you think you are to talk about Jimin this way?! We won’t stay here and listen to this bullshit. I swear to god you did it this time, Hayoon.” He sneers angrily.

Oh he’s making a scene alright. 

His grip on his lover’s hand tightens as his mother continues her appalled rant, “Yoongi when will you come to your senses? This isn’t right, you being with.. someone like him! We raised you better than this!” 

Yoongi’s nostrils flare with sheer anger, 

“Someone like what, eomeoni?” There’s so much venom seeping out of his words that he can barely recognize himself. “A man?!”

“You know what, I’m done walking on eggshells around you,” Hayoon shouts, “Yes, a man! This is outrageous, Yoongi. How dare you go against everything we have taught you and engage in such sinful activities? Come back to us, stop playing around. There’s this lovely girl that—“

“Play around? I’m fucking gay, Hayoon. And there’s not a single thing you can do about that. If there’s someone ‘sinful’ here, it’s you. Not me or Jimin.” Yoongi spits out. 

His mother stares at him, mouth agape. And honestly, Yoongi’s never been this angry in his life.

He never should’ve brought Jimin here. 

The latter sends him a pleading look. His eyes are covered by a thick veil of mist and Yoongi knows he’s about to break down and cry. He can’t have this, he won’t let her do this to him. 

So he swiftly stands up and tugs Jimin’s hand, the one that’s securely tucked in his own, and throws his napkin on the surface of the table. 

“We’re done here.” He states as he stares deep into her eyes. Then, he gazes at his astonished father, “Thanks for inviting us appa. We’re not coming back.”

They both silently make their way outside, grabbing their coats in a hurry. It’s only once they’re in Yoongi’s car that they finally talk. Or well, Jimin breaks the heavy silence with a heartbreaking sob

“Jimin I’m so sorry, god, I should've known it would end up like this I—“ He stops when he notices the younger man’s hurt stricken features. 

 

“Come here little dove.” 

 

That’s all it takes for Jimin to latch onto him, little fingers digging into the other’s frame. “Yoongi I’m s-so sor—ry,” He barely manages as he hiccups uncontrollably. “.. t-this is my f-fault..”

Yoongi holds him fiercely, “No, no none of what happened has anything to do with you. She’s hateful and vile and you’re an angel and I fucking love you, ok?”

Jimin looks up at him, “She’s s-so mean..”

“She is, she disgusts me.” He lays a lingering kiss on the crown of Jimin’s head. 

The elder lets the other unravel his emotions against his chest, tenderly caressing his hair as he does so. He waits until the sobs die down and there’s only the painful sound of sniffles filling the space between them. 

He decides then, and only then, to speak again. A hushed tone that he hopes is gentle enough not to break the other’s pure soul yet again, 

“Let’s go home, yeah?” 

 

                              * * *

Ok so,

Jimin’s decision making skill is very lacking. 

He thought it was pretty much common knowledge but as it seems it is not .

For the upteenth time today he asks himself why exactly he’s agreed to take on the main male role of the production. 

Not that he has any problem with the steps per say, run through went quite well and their staging director’s very pleased with him. 

It’s just that he has five days to get ready for this. Five days to get over the nagging feeling he has: he feels like he stole someone’s spot. 

Not only that but he feels like something in his performance is just missing . Technically he’s acing this, but it’s almost like he’s not able to connect with the character as much?

It irks him to no end and so that’s how he finds himself at the studio on a Saturday evening, or well more like Saturday night considering it’s almost midnight and he’s still here, repeating the same movements over and over again. 

It’s not that he’s incredibly hard headed but..

 

Well it kinda is.

 

The lights are off because he wants to focus on the way the movements feel, not how they look. He closes his eyes still and focuses on his breathing, the way his articulations and muscles work as he moves gracefully. 

His muscles are aching, he’s tired, he’s barely eaten anything all day and he’s just physically and mentally exhausted. But he’s resilient and if he just tries a little more..

It happens in the blink of an eye, he misses a landing and suddenly he’s painfully falling to the floor, grunting and cursing loudly as he does so

Jimin doesn't know why he’s suddenly sitting on the floor, head in between his knees as he cries and cries. He tries to muffle his sobs by bringing a hand up to his mouth, blocking the sounds.

But he’s breathing hard and heavy and he just cries too hard to not make any sound.

He’s not sure how much time he spends like this, a pitiful mess sitting in the middle of a darkened dance studio. It seems like an eternity.

At some point his tears stop falling and he stares mindlessly at a spot on the floor in front of him, arms wrapped around his legs in a protective manner. 

Protecting him from what? Jimin doesn’t know, there’s almost no one in the building at this hour.

 

Or so he thought.

 

“Jimin.. is that you?”

The ballerina shivers as soon as he hears the deep timbre of Yoongi’s voice and he shrinks onto himself even further.

Maybe if he doesn’t move the elder won’t notice him.

Alas Yoongi’s always been more clever than that, and so he slowly walks across the room until he’s next to Jimin and bends down, carefully observing the younger man.

Jimin is very grateful for the darkness: he’s absolutely positive he looks like a damn mess.

Though, he’s always a mess.

“Jiminie, what’s wrong?” The elder gently asks.

Another tear falls down Jimin’s wet cheeks. And god, can his ex stop being so goddamn kissable, it’s so fucking annoying.

“Nothing,” He blatantly lies.

“You’re crying.”

“Am not.”

“Yes you are.”

To that Jimin turns towards the elder and sends him an angry pout, “So what if I am?!”

Yoongi sighs and drops down onto the floor, mirroring the younger man’s posture. “Well then that means you’re sad and that makes me sad.”

Jimin petulantly stares at the far end wall,

“I’m fine.”

It takes a few, long seconds for Yoongi to reply, his voice strained with a hoarse quality to it that Jimin’s always loved.

“Do you want me to go? I know I’m probably the last person you want to see right now.”

Ouch.

Well truthfully, Jimin is surprised the elder even bothered checking up on him considering he’s been giving him the cold shoulder for days now. Although maybe it’s not that surprising, Yoongi has always been a kind, benevolent person.

The latter goes to stand up but Jimin stops him by feebly gripping his strong arm.

“Don’t. Please.”

It’s barely a whisper but it’s enough to stop the elder in his tracks.

“Do you want to talk about what’s making you this sad?”

“I’m not.. sad. I’m exhausted, I—I'm Frustrated. I don’t even know how I’m gonna do this, I can’t find the right emotions to tap into for this role.” He drops his hold on the pianist’s arm.

Yoongi hums understandingly, “Remember when you’d stay up with me during my last semester?”

That takes Jimin by surprise but he nods still.

“I was working on my final project, I’d been stuck for weeks on this one melody—“

“Serendipity..” Jimin swallows past the lump in his throat.

Yoongi smiles, a melancholic tug of his lips. “Yeah, Serendipity. It was missing something and I couldn’t figure out what it was.” He suddenly shifts to face the other man. “Wanna know how I managed to finally find the right emotion for it?”

“You never told me how..” Jimin’s eyes glisten with unshed tears yet again. 

“I stopped searching and it hit me, where I had been taking all the inspiration from. It was as easy as breathing after that.”

The ballerina looks at him with wide, curious eyes,

“What was it then?”

It’s like a storm rages in the confines of Yoongi’s eyes as he locks eyes with the younger man.

 

“You.”

 

“Oh..” Such a beautiful, soulful piece of music, and it was inspired by.. him? Why had Yoongi never told him?

This time Jimin doesn’t try to chase away the fluttering in his stomach, nor the uneven beat of his heart. He welcomes it like an old friend.

“Stop searching, little dove. It’s already there.” Yoongi brings his index to Jimin’s chest and pokes it in a playful manner. 

But Jimin’s not feeling playful, not even a little bit. He’s overwhelmed and he feels so much he doesn’t know how he’s still in one piece. 

It’s half-consciously that he lays a palm on Yoongi’s thigh, half-consciously that he leans into the other’s space and presses his lips against the elder’s, for the first time in many, many years.

At first Yoongi doesn’t move, too stunned to do so. And that’s alarming enough for Jimin to lean away, eyes wide and guilty. “S-shit hyung I’m sorry I didn’t—“ 

He’s stopped in his semi-coherent babble by a single digit, pressing lightly against the plump flesh of his mouth. His eyebrows raise in surprise.

Yoongi doesn’t say anything. Instead he removes his finger and moves forward, inching closer and closer until they’re a few centimeters apart, breathing heavily in each other’s personal space.

There’s so much left unsaid between them, so many feelings and regrets, little stories and forbidden words. But maybe they don’t need to talk right now. Because Yoongi is telling him so much just by looking at him, a thousand words sprinkled around like stardust in his deep onyx eyes.

They stay unmoving for such a long moment that Jimin thinks he’s actually going to go mad. But just as he’s about to lose patience the elder leans forward, bringing Jimin over the edge with him. 

 

A single contented whimper escapes the ballerina’s lips as he feels the slight pressure of Yoongi's lips on his own. It’s very unsure at first, like someone getting back into ice skating after a long time: they move slowly and hesitate a bit, afraid to make a false move and end up on the ground.

But then they quickly slide right back into it, the movements so familiar that it almost feels like muscle memory. They get bolder and bolder, Yoongi swipes his tongue against the younger’s bottom lip and soon enough they’re licking at each other like this is it, their last moment on earth.

Yoongi’s lips move as sensually as they did years ago, maybe even more so. Jimin had never realized how much he’d missed this. 

He pushes back all thoughts at the back of his mind and straddles the elder while the latter automatically takes a hold of the dancer’s waist.

Jimin plays with soft, blond strands of hair as he delicately tilts Yoongi’s head back by putting pressure on his defined jaw. It gives him better access to the latter’s mouth, permits him to deepen the kiss. 

And so he does and soon they’re breathing heavily through their noses, unwilling to part if only for a second. It’s like they’re making up for the last three years and yeah, Jimin’s ok with that. 

Goosebumps enticingly run across his warm skin as he begins to feel a familiar warmth growing steadily in his abdomen. 

They’re so lost in the throes of passion they’re indulging in that they don’t notice when someone enters the room. It’s only when the lights are suddenly flashing aggressively behind their closed eyelids that they still in their movements and part hastily.

“Oh sorry I—didn’t realize there would still be someone in here..” The janitor shuffles awkwardly from feet to feet, holding a single mop and bucket in both hands. “I’ll—yeah I’ll just um..come back later.” 

Just like that the janitor is gone and both men are left too stunned to speak, the sudden lighting exposing all too well the events that had just transpired.

What the fuck just happened.

 

They kissed.

Jimin kissed Yoongi.

And then Yoongi kissed him.

 

The young man feels very nauseous all of a sudden. He needs to eat and to go home and—

“Um, I should— I should get going.” He blurts out as he struggles to get back on his feet. “Yeah, I’ll go.”

Yoongi can only stare at him, a bewildered look in his eyes, as Jimin hastily collects his things and stuffs them in the old, broken duffle bag he always carries around.

The one Yoongi had given to him. When they were together. Years ago.

Holy shit.

“Um,” He stops at the threshold, flustered like he’s never been before, “I’ll see you tomorrow?”

Yoongi seems to regain somewhat of a speech ability because he finally replies, “Yeah, tomorrow, let’s uh, let’s see each other.. well I mean— yeah, see you tomorrow Jimin-ah..” 

The dancer can’t even look at the other man as he steps out of the room, heart pounding in his ears.

What the fuck did they just do.

 

                               * * *

“Oh you gotta be fucking kidding me!”

Jimin may be a proud man but he’s not above escaping as fast as he can when a situation demands it.

This situation demands it. Because no less than two days ago he and his ex kissed. But like not the quick peck on the cheek kinda kiss —though that would still be weird—, it’s more like the kind of making out while I grind upon you kinda kiss and yeah, he’s embarrassed.

Fine, at the moment he had really wanted it, even needed it. It quite literally kept him from losing his sanity. But it also made him lose it. Does he even make sense? 

Ah this is a mess.

Like the headless chicken that he is, he had fled the scene as soon as realization had hit him. Kinda like what he’s doing today, to be honest.

The launch party for Hoseok’s brand’s new summer collection had announced itself as the perfect opportunity to unwind a bit before opening night.

Except that now he’s hiding in the bathroom, a drink in hand he really wishes had alcohol in it, and no dignity left. 

 

It’s just that.. Well, Yoongi’s here.

 

Fair enough he should’ve expected it. After all, Yoongi is Hoseok’s best friend. But yeah.. He’s doomed to eternally cross the elder’s path it seems.

Technically he knows he can’t stay in the bathroom forever. At some point he’ll need to go out for provisions. But he could survive for a few days here..

“Hyung?”

Goddamnit Jungkook. 

 

“..um, yeah..?”

“Are you ok? You’ve been in here for like, at least ten minutes..” 

“Never been better.” He shouts from behind the stall’s closed door.

He hears the young ballerina’s steps moving forward. “You’re not sick are you? Cause that would really fucking suck we’re already short of one guy and it fucked up a lot of shit and—” 

Jimin opens the door and steps out of the stall, leveling Jungkook with a bored expression.

“I’m not sick Kook.”

He’s greeted by a beaming smile,

“Ahhh that’s really good you had me scared for a minute! Anyway, why were you here this long then? I know no one here except you and Yoongi-ah, don’t leave me alone out there..”

Jimin snorts and raises a brow suggestively, “Well it seems you know Taehyung quite well now.”

It’s always so easy to fluster Jungkook. And Jimin loves flustering people, all in good faith of course.

“Ahh.. Taehyung-ssi yes well, he’s..fun, yes,” It’s adorable how the younger man tries to avoid Jimin’s gaze all of a sudden.

“Don’t freak out this much, I'm only teasing you. Although.. Tae does seem very fond of you.” How could Jimin not smile when Jungkook’s face turns an even deeper shade of red.

“Ok Hyung, stop! God..” Jungkook ruffles his jet black hair in a slightly frustrated motion, “Wait are you trying to evade my question?” 

A long drawn out sigh escapes Jimin’s parted lips, “Maybe.”

“What’s going on?” Jungkook calmly asks as he drops his drink on the bathroom counter.

“You know we’re not supposed to drink alcohol right now right? It’s not good right before all these shows..” 

“Hyung.”

Jimin throws his hands up in surrender, “Fine! Fine.. I’m,” He bites his lip, “I’m kinda.. avoiding someone? Yeah I’m avoiding someone, I think..” 

Jungkook seems surprised by the ballerina’s words. 

“Who?”

“Aish stop being so nosy Kook-ah.” 

“Sorry..” Big doe eyes stare at him.

Goddamnit. How could Jimin resist it? It’s really not fair that the younger man keeps pulling this puppy dog eye look every time he doesn’t get what he wants. 

But it works every single time.

“Yoongi-hyung..” 

“Woah.. did he mess up while you were dancing or something?”

“You could say that, yeah.” 

Lord, is it cute when Jungkook looks this confused. Jimin is very tempted to just squish his cheeks. But yeah that would be very weird and inappropriate.

“Uh? That’s weird he doesn’t usually mess up..”

 

“Kookie.” 

The younger man’s gaze snaps up to take in Jimin’s conflicted expression. “What?”

“Do you remember when I told you about this.. ex that broke my heart?” 

“Deoksu? Man that guy was a jerk.. Wait, is he here?” 

Jimin facepalms, this is painful. “God no, I’m the one that broke things off with Deoksu. Let’s never mention that name again, please.” He suddenly grows shyer and shyer, “..No I mean the ex that was like, super serious. The one I thought was the like, love of my life or whatever?” 

“Oh! The one that left for Australia out of nowhere and—“ Jungkook’s features twist as the meaning of Jimin’s implications register. 

 

He almost shouts the next words, “No fucking way!”

“Not so damn loud Kookie!” The older man shushes, very embarrassed.

“Sorry it’s just.. Min Yoongi? Like, The Min Yoongi? Now I get why he keeps looking at you when we practice, damn..” 

“He does not keep looking at me!” 

“Are you really that oblivious or just very stubborn?”

That little shit. 

“What about neither?” Jimin huffs and crosses his arms, annoyed by the whole conversation.

A cocky smile, “That’s not an option hyung. Though from the looks of it I’d say it’s definitely the second option.”

“Oh will you stop! I’m never telling you anything, ever again.” 

Jimin chugs the contents of his half full glass. How he wishes he could get drunk off of that. He’s too sober for all this.

“No, no! I’m sorry.. but really though, weren’t you guys all friendly and shit? Even going out for breakfast and lunch?” 

“We were kidding ourselves..” Jimin replies, a sad hint to his tone. 

“Why? What happened?” 

It takes a few moments for Jimin to gather the courage to say it out loud. When he does, it comes out as a whisper, “We kinda.. kissed?” 

“Well, shit. That’s not very.. friendly.” The younger man leans against the bathroom sink.

Jimin rolls his eyes, though a small smile slowly adorns his face. “No shit.”

“What are you gonna do about it then?

“If it’s not already obvious, I’ll hide until the end of time.”

“Hyung, come on. It’s not like you to just.. hide and avoid these things. I’ve always admired you for your courage..” Jungkook’s voice is soft and understanding and it truly takes the elder by surprise. 

“You.. admire me?” Jimin’s never been told anything like this before. And truth be told, he’s the one who admires Jungkook. The ballerina is so ambitious and driven.

Jungkook lights up, “Of course I do! You’re so cool and inspiring and, and.. fearless!” 

“Fearless?” He can’t help the sarcastic chuckle that moves past his throat. 

“Hell yes! You don’t take shit from anybody, you ask for what you want without backing down.. You’re fearless, hyung.”

 

Oh that’s..

Heartwarming. Yeah. 

 

The older man really doesn’t know what to say except a small, “Thank you..” 

“No need to thank me.” Jungkook rubs Jimin’s shoulder in circular, soothing motions. “Go out there and show them what you’re made of. And if you need to tell him something, then do it.”

“Damn, when did you get so wise?” He giggles in an attempt to keep the tears garnering at the corner of his eyes at bay. 

“Well, I’ve got a great hyung to show me the way, so,” He says with a playful lift of his shoulders,

“Now get out there.”

Without really thinking about it, Jimin engulfs the younger one in his arms, squeezing as hard as he can. 

Damn is he grateful for the little ball of energy that is Jungkook, the human embodiment of warmth and joy that he had the privilege to meet a year and a half ago.

Jungkook accepts the loving gesture with a sheepish chuckle before pushing the elder out the door. 

That’s how Jimin suddenly finds himself out of the restroom and into the wild, literally , because damn is this launch party getting wild. 

 

He’s too old for this.

 

Mingling with the diverse array of people is easier than Jimin had thought it would be and if it wasn’t for the sharp eyes that keep glancing at him he would even dare say he’s having fun.

Alas, all good things must come to an end.

At some point the ballerina decides to take a break from all the small talk and introductions and heads toward a secluded corner to sip on his drink and observe the crowd. 

Which is exactly when Yoongi decides to approach him. And damn is he not ready for this conversation. But he literally backed himself into a corner and he can’t escape without destroying the little dignity he has left.

Here goes nothing.

 

Yoongi props his back against the wall and sips on his drink, eyes fixed on the crowd while Jimin observes him, notices how the elder seems nervous, keeps tapping his fingers against the cold glass in his hand. 

“Hey.” Yoongi finally says, after a long moment.

“Hey..”

The loud chatter and laughter of the people around them thankfully fills the charged silence between them.

“The weather’s crazy today isn’t it? My umbrella flew off while I was walking.”

Jimin snorts, “Yeah it is.”

Awkward small talk, check.

The dancer fidgets on his feet as he ponders on what to do or say next. What should he say? He just really feels like running away to the end of the earth, truthfully. 

“Well, if you’ll excuse me I’ll–”

 

“Jiminie.” 

Oh so suddenly Yoongi meaningfully gazes at him, an unrelenting stare that makes the young man uncomfortable. It means too much, he knows they’re done with small talk. No doubt about it. 

“..Yeah?”

“I’m sorry.”

 

Uh?

“What for?”

Yoongi swallows harshly, a guilt ridden expression etched upon his doll-like features, “A lot of things,” A humorless laugh, “But right now, I’m sorry I took advantage of you the other day.”

Ok, Jimin did not expect that.

“Take advantage of me?” He shoots him an incredulous look, “If I don’t want something I’m more than capable of refusing, you know this.”

The chocolate orbs that had been peering into his eyes shift their focus to the liquid in Yoongi’s glass. 

“Still.. you were feeling sad and I just.. kissed you. It’s not right.” The last words are whispered, as if Yoongi is scared of saying it out loud.

And damn, Jimin really didn’t expect it to hurt this much. 

So Yoongi regrets it after all.

 

“Don’t worry, we can pretend it never happened. Just like we’ve been pretending like we were never together in the first place, or that you didn’t break my heart years ago. We excel at pretending.”

 

Without waiting for an answer, Jimin violently puts his glass down on a nearby table before storming off towards the elevator. He really can’t do this, after all. 

Being friends with Yoongi, what a great joke.

How can you be friends with someone you’ve been in love with for years and years?

It’s laughable. What a masquerade.

Thankfully for him, the elevator doesn’t take a lot of time to reach the thirtieth floor and he hastily jumps in, almost bumping into a couple who was getting out at the same time. The door is almost completely closed when a large veiny hand he recognizes all too well stops it. 

Because of course. 

Jimin’s life is a bad rom-com that ends really awfully.

He backs himself into the far corner of the lift and stubbornly stares at the silver metallic wall in front of him.

“Why did you run off?! Can’t we talk about this for once, please?” Yoongi sounds antsy and frankly, it really gets on Jimin’s nerves.

“Can you press on the lobby?”

“Jimin.”

“People are gonna wait for the elevator Yoongi.”

“There’s no one in the building at this hour except the people coming to Hobi’s party.”

“Yoongi,” Jimin hisses through gritted teeth, finally making eye contact with the other man.

The elder groans in annoyance but still presses on the button as he tries yet again to start a conversation Jimin doesn’t feel like having, “So? Can we talk?” 

 

The elevator soon starts its descent. 

 

“Why? So you can tell me how much you regret kissing me, or or, even better! How much you regret our whole relationship?” His voice grows in intensity of its own, fueled by the pent up rage and hurt simmering within him.

Why did he ever think, even for a second, that he was over this?

“Regret– what–?” He stutters, utter disbelief swimming in his wide open eyes. “I don’t regret that kiss or our relationship?! It’s probably the only thing I don’t regret in my whole goddamn life!”

Jimin laughs humorlessly, “Right, as if!”

 

Twenty-fourth floor.

 

“What is that even supposed to mean?”

“It fucking means that I don’t believe you!”

 

Twenty-third.

 

“How could you believe I’m lying to you about this?!”

The words Jimin shouts next are so loud that they threaten to impair both their hearing,

“Because you left, Yoongi!” He pants, overcome by pure rage and distress, “You left me! Alone, fucking broken and alone! How could you do that if you didn’t regret it?!”

 

Twenty.

 

Yoongi stares at him, shell shocked at the younger man’s words. Silence hangs heavily between the both of them for such a long moment that it almost seems like Jimin’s words echo throughout the small elevator.

They’re brought out of their stupor by a sudden loud mechanical sound, soon followed by the worrisome flashing of the elevator's lights. And suddenly they find themselves at a halt, almost bathed in complete darkness if not for the small red light that barely illuminates the lift.

“What the fuck..? This has gotta be a fucking joke!”Jimin curses, minutely observing their surroundings. The other’s silence really pisses him off. “Do you have anything to do with this?”

Yoongi seems completely flabbergasted by his assumptions, “What the hell? No, I don’t have superpowers Jimin, I can’t stop an elevator!”

Incredulous, the latter starts pushing buttons, tries to open the lift’s doors. To no avail, evidently. “Fuck, fuck, fuck !”

He brings his fist against the metallic door before pitifully sliding against the wall, all the way down to the probably dirty floor. He really can’t bring himself to care.

 

It’s silent for another long, drawn out moment. Both men deep in thoughts of what would’ve, could’ve, should’ve. Jimin is completely dejected, there probably couldn’t be a worse possible situation than this –ok yes maybe, but–. 

Being stuck in a dark elevator is already nerve wracking as it is, if you add being stuck there with an ex that broke your heart it’s abs–

 

“Yeah, I left.”

 

Jimin’s eyebrows lift in surprise. 

“You did.”

“I thought I’d know what to say when I’d see you again. Thought it was easy to explain. But my explanation won’t make you feel better. And I hate that, I wish I had a better reason.”

When Jimin stays silent, Yoongi decides to lower himself to the floor and sit there, eyes fixed to the ground.

“When I got all these offers I absolutely had the intention of moving somewhere else with you, building a life together, maybe even a family.” The dancer’s fragile heart twists painfully at this. “But then we went to that dinner, that fucking dinner. I should’ve never brought you there. And you looked broken , Jimin. So fucking broken.”

He lifts his gaze from the ground to take a peek at the ballerina. 

“And I know it was so stupid and it’s not an excuse but I started feeling like I never brought anything good to you. You always were there to console me and support me, and.. and you loved me so good. But what was I good for? Asking you to exchange your dreams and follow me to another country? Bringing you into situations you didn’t deserve to suffer through? Let’s be honest, I was a shitty boyfriend.”

 

What the fuck? 

“You weren’t a shitty boyfriend you–”

“I just–I’m sorry but let me say this, yeah? Please? I need to get it out there, it’s long overdue.” 

Jimin nods hesitantly, giving the other the go to continue.

“So like, I let my thoughts get the best of me you know? I should’ve fought harder for you. But instead I let myself fall into this downward spiral and.. I decided at some point that I just wasn't good enough. That you deserved better. Which is shitty as fuck because who am I to make that decision for you, right? But I still did it. I accepted the offer to move to Australia and that was that. I fucked up and hurt you, and I’m so fucking sorry.” Yoongi ends with a wistful sigh.

To be honest Jimin doesn’t know what to say. Which wow, fucking shocker because he can barely shut up normally. But well, what is there to say?

 

“I didn’t know you were hurting this bad..”

“Because I didn’t want you to know.” Yoongi shoots him a sorrowful smile that tears Jimin apart. 

“If I had known maybe–” 

Glassy eyes stare deep into the dancer’s soul. “This isn’t your fault. Please, don’t think that you could’ve done something to prevent it. You were amazing. You still are amazing.”

Words fail Jimin yet again and so he stays silent, meaningfully holding the elder’s gaze.

 

“I went looking for you, you know.” Yoongi whispers a few minutes later, breaking the weighty silence.

“Uh? What are you talking about?”

“That um..” He hesitates slightly, taking a deep breath before speaking a little louder, “That night. I looked for you, I instantly regretted that stupid fucking decision. It was raining so hard but I really didn’t care, I needed to find you.” 

A small ironic smile forms on the elder’s face. ‘We both know I never did but.. I stayed out for so long I catched a huge ass cold. So at least there’s that, that’s karma for you I guess.”

“I’m not happy about that..” Jimin murmurs, eyes wet with barely restrained tears.

“You could be, I wouldn’t hold it against you.” Yoongi chuckles, suddenly standing up with a slight grunt. “Alright It’s been a while, why is it still not open?”

Jimin stands up too, getting his phone out of his pocket. “Let me try to text Hobi and Tae..”

 

No signal. Fucking great.

Now he’s scared they’ll be stuck here forever. And he’s getting a little hungry.

This doesn’t bode well.

“I don’t have any signal..”

“Me neither.” Yoongi cards a hand through his hair, messing up the luscious blond locks.

 

Without even thinking about it, Jimin steps towards him and flicks the strands of hair away from the elder’s eyes.

To say that Yoongi looks surprised is an euphemism. And the latter’s expression prompts Jimin to realize what he’s done. Which, well, fuck. “I’m sorry I didn’t um..”

“Don’t be sorry, I’ve missed this.”

The elder’s words send heat rushing to Jimin’s cheeks, who now adorn a pinkish hint. 

 

“Yoongi.. why’d you kiss me back?” 

At this point he’s not even aware of the shit he spews. It should scare him, but to be frank it really doesn’t.

“You.. I mean you can guess why.” Yoongi quickly lowers his gaze.

“No, I really can't, I– I want to hear you say it.”

The elder looks up again, holding Jimin’s gaze despite the clear embarrassment he feels. If he wants him to believe he’s changed, then he needs to say it. Plain and simple.

It doesn’t stop Jimin’s heart from faltering as Yoongi pronounces the next words, just shy of a whisper,

“I mean, I um–I still have feelings for you Jiminie..” He stumbles over his words but the point still stands loud and clear. “And like, I know you’re different now. Very much so. But that only made my feelings stronger, you know? Because you became such a fully realized version of the person I always knew you could become and that’s–”

 

Without warning the dancer smashes his lips onto Yoongi’s, the latter stumbling backward until his back hits the wall, now caged between the silver metal and Jimin’s body. 

A startled yelp bubbles up his throat only to be quickly swallowed by Jimin’s mouth. But once the situation becomes clear to him, he reciprocates the gesture with an ardent, feverish passion, gripping the ballerina’s waist with one hand in a gentle manner, while also being quite commanding in his gesture.

He cradles Jimin’s face with his free hand, his thumb drawing patterns on the soft skin while the dancer unconsciously leans into the touch he’s longed for more than anything. 

This situation feels so surreal, so, so surreal. And yet this time Jimin knows what he’s doing, he’s very aware when he slides his tongue against the other’s, tasting the sweet subdued hint of champagne as he does. It’s with purpose that he presses and fervently moves his lips against Yoongi’s. 

Oh how he’s missed those lips.

 

Last time he was so lost in a daze that he couldn’t even appreciate the soft texture and the heavy breaths the other takes. Now he’s hyper aware of it all and it feels heavenly. It feels like coming home after being lost at sea for so long that you don’t even remember what home is, until you stumble upon it one lucky day.

He’s heavily pressed against the elder’s body, wrapped up in a warm embrace, when the latter parts from his lips to murmur gently against them,

“Little dove..”

 

Jimin chases his lips desperately, which earns himself a quiet chuckle from the pianist, “We shouldn’t.. I don’t want you to regret this Jimin-ah..” His thumb ghosts over the ballerina’s lips.

Jimin groans exasperatedly, “Hyung will you just stop worrying about me? I want this, I really fucking do.”

“I’m sorry..” Yoongi offers, eyes exuding nothing but tenderness and vulnerability.

 

It’s that look.

 

It sends an infinite number of tingles up Jimin’s spine.

“Don’t be sorry..” He inches closer, pressing his forehead against the elder’s. “Just kiss me.”

Yoongi doesn’t waste a second and he captures the dancer’s lips once again, with even more purpose this time, if that’s even possible. They quickly get lost into it this time sighing and letting soft whimpers escape them here and there, way past caring about letting go.

In the blink of an eye Jmin finds himself in the same position Yoongi had been in merely a second ago, pressed against the wall, caged between the elders strong arms. He doesn’t try to stop his hands from finding purchase in the blond locks of hair that call his name, or against the broad covered chest in front of him. 

There’s so much happening: fingers caressing every inch of available skin and then more, lips pressing harshly against his, a sharp tongue committing each and every detail to memory, emotions swirling around like a wild animal trapped in a cage.

But oddly enough, it’s not overwhelming in the slightest. It's perfect, in every sense of the way.

And soon enough –or not–, Jimin starts pressing his hips forward onto the elder’s frame, his movements fueled by the unbearable warmth growing beneath his skin. It begs to be let out and who is Jimin, to refuse his most primal instincts?

“Jimin..” Yoongi hisses in between kisses, “What are you doing..?”

“Shut up,” The ballerina replies before connecting their mouths again and swirling his hips against the other’s once more. The sweet friction it brings keeps on adding fuel to the fire growing between them. It’s not enough, Jimin wants more. God, he needs more.

They forget where they are for a long moment, too lost into voracious kisses and the slow grinding of their hips. Which is why they both jump and separate, if only a little, when the lights suddenly turn on.

 

They look like a mess, the both of them. Wild tousled hair, red puffy lips jutting out, flushed cheeks. They look the part, simple as that.

Both men stay silent as the elevator starts its descent again, stealing a few fond glances here and there but nothing more. When the doors finally open, they step out of the elevator only to meet firefighters and a crowd of worried and panicked people.

One of the firefighters comes up to them, “Are you both ok?”

They both reply simultaneously.

“Yeah we’re good.”

“Yes.”

 

“Good, we’re glad. We were concerned when we heard there were people in the elevator. You guys didn’t press the emergency button and well, we thought something might’ve happened.”

The emergency button, fucking hell.

This is embarrassing. 

“Yeah um, we didn’t.. think about that sorry.” Yoongi offers, an awkward smile stretching his lips.

The elder looks so embarrassed that Jimin wants to tease him endlessly. But that would be kind of inappropriate right now. So he snickers inwardly instead. For now.

“So you guys really are ok?” The firefighter looks perplexed as he observes the both of them.

Jimin decides to chime in, “Yep, all good!”

“Ok well then.. you guys be careful, the storm outside isn’t over and half the neighborhood is still without electricity.”

 

They nod and thank the man before heading closer to the building’s entrance. Jimin is way too aware of the shivers coursing through him when the elder gently takes a hold of his hand.

“Um, don’t take this the wrong way but,” Jimin rubs the back of his neck, “I kinda need to head home. I have to be up early and I just.. I need to think.” 

“You’re walking home?!”

“Nah I’m taking the bus. The stop is like a two minute walk from here.”

Yoongi looks way too alarmed and it tears a giggle from Jimin, “Don’t worry hyung.”

“My car is in the parking lot, I can drive you if you want.”

The dancer brings the elder’s hand up and he tenderly kisses each and every knuckles.

“Thanks but.. I need to think for now. I need to be alone, you know?”

“I get it, I just.. I don't like you going out alone in a storm.” Yoongi mumbles shyly.

 

It’s only then that Jimin understands. Him going out alone in a storm. It’s all too familiar. No wonder the elder looks so conflicted about letting him go.

 

So he leans forward and leaves a drawn out kiss on the pianist’s lips, he feels him relax as soon as he does. “Don’t worry.” He repeats once he leans away.

“Ok yeah.. stay safe ok? Damn I wish I still had my umbrella..”

The dancer lets out a loud giggle, “It wouldn’t make a difference I think.”

The elder looks out the floor to ceiling windows of the building. “Yeah, you’re probably right.”

Giving Yoongi’s hand one last squeeze, Jimin lets go of it and starts walking towards the exit. He’s almost out the door when Yoongi suddenly shoves his hand against it, keeping it closed. 

 

Jimin gasps quietly and quirks a questioning brow at him.

“Look.. I know you need time. I totally get that. But I just need to–” He sighs deeply, “I need to tell you straight up, no hiding behind vague words and shit.” 

He looks straight into Jimin’s eyes as he cups his cheek with one hand. “I still love you. I fucking love you, so so much. And I’m not saying that to influence you about making a decision or whatever. I just need you to know. That’s all.”

For a few seconds Jimin can only blink, too taken aback to even move. Once he shakes himself out of his stupor he sends the elder a small smile, cupping the large hand caressing his cheek.

“Thanks for telling me. I– I need time, but thank you.”

“I know, please don’t feel rushed or obligated to make a decision. I just needed to tell you.”

“Ok..” They hesitantly let go. “See you at run through?”

Yoongi watches anxiously as Jimin opens the door, 

“Yeah, I’ll be there.”

 

                               * * *

All over the place.

That’s how Jimin feels as opening night draws closer and closer.

Though thankfully for him –and everyone involved with this production–, his uneasiness and nerves don’t materialize into mistakes. He doesn’t lose focus. When his partner needs a sturdy pillar to lean on, Jimin is right there. When he needs to dance like his life depends on it, he does.

He’d never known how good he was at compartmentalizing until now, truth be told. Maybe he picked it up along the way. Maybe all the bumps along the road helped in that regard. 

All in all, on the outside, he seems relatively fine.

It’s only when he finds himself at home (for the few hours he gets to go home) or outside of work, that his anxious mind takes free reign and directs him from one place to the other without mercy.

 

“Hiya Jimin-ah, you’re drifting off again.”

Jimin shakes himself from his thoughts and sends an apologetic look Jungkook’s way. “Sorry ‘bout that.”

Jungkook takes a large bite of his quinoa salad and speaks through loud chews, “I don’t mind, just kinda wish I could help with whatever’s bothering you.”

“Nah, it’s nothing. But thanks.” Jimin dismisses, taking another flavorless bite of the food he had ordered. 

“Wow..” The younger man starts, “You’re almost convincing!”

Jimin sends him what he hopes is a murderous glare.

“I’m just saying! Look.. whatever it is that’s got you down and shit, maybe, just maybe, talking about it would help? It doesn’t have to be me, but maybe it could help, hyung.”

A long drawn out sigh, “I just— it’s opening night tomorrow and I don’t want to fuck it up by opening that can of worms you know?” 

“Maybe that’s exactly why you should open it..”

He's got a point. Maybe Jimin’s just stalling, after all. He's got a knack for that. 

 

“Alright but what I say here stays here, alright?” He lowers his voice, as if the random people sitting nearby could give two shits about his love life. 

Jungkook stuffs his face with another large chunk of salad and nods eagerly.

“Well.. when we got stuck in the elevator the other day we kinda kissed again.. and Yoongi kinda told me he loves me .” He whispers the last part.

Jungkook chokes on his food, forcefully smacking his hand on his chest while the people around send curious looks their way. Jimin reaches out and pats his back gently.

After a while the younger man manages a croaky,

“He what ?!”

“I know! I know..”

Jungkook tries his best to keep his voice down, “What’d you say? Did you say it back? Are you guys getting back together?! Holy shit!” 

“I don’t know, that’s the thing! And no, I didn't say it back. I was shook ,” Jimin says, dropping his utensils in the bowl.

The young ballerina hums. “Rightfully so.”

“Should I have said it back..?”

“Nah, not if you ain’t ready.” Jungkook’s expression slowly morphs into one of utmost concentration. “Do you still love him?”

 

Even though Jimin did see the question coming, he’s still left utterly speechless. Obviously he still has feelings for Yoongi. Otherwise he wouldn’t have reacted so emotionally. He wouldn’t have kissed him in that freaking elevator. 

Truth is, he had been bottling up his emotions. It’s very clear to him now. He pretended like being ‘friends’ with the elder didn’t bother him, that it meant nothing if not that he had missed his presence in his life.

But it’s a lot more than this. And it’s almost like he’d managed to grow feelings even stronger than what he thought possible. They’d sneakily bloomed, taking roots in the underlying love he felt for Yoongi, only to grow branches and leaves as they spent time together.

Yoongi is a lot different from all those years ago. In many, many aspects. The man Jimin had loved so deeply is still there evidently, but he’s changed so much.

And Jimin thinks it’s for the better. He seems a little more self assured (though he still needs to be reassured from time to time), he has a clearer picture of what he wants in life, he’s determined and confident in his abilities. He seems to have gained wisdom that Jimin has yet to discover, hidden beneath the brooding eyes and nonchalant behavior.

He speaks his mind, though it seems difficult still. But he does it. He rarely did before. Now he makes a real sustained effort. Jimin isn’t sure if it’s only with him or everybody else too, but at least he does.

And even if a part of him really wishes the pianist had made his thoughts and worries known when they were together years ago, he also understands that Yoongi might not have been ready, at the time.

 

It’s with newfound determination that Jimin speaks again, “I do. But it’s like, do I love the person he was or do I love the person he is now? He’s changed a lot, Kook-ah. And I’m scared that I’m just.. holding onto something that’s gone, you know? How do I know I love him for the person he is now?”

“Mmmh. I mean, thing is you’ll never be able to detach the two. Because he’s still that person, just an evolved version, I guess? I think the better question is, are you willing to let go of everything that happened in the past to focus on the present? Or are you still too attached to the past?”

“I–” Well damn. “I don’t know..”

Jungkook reaches out to Jimin and squeezes the dancer’s fragile wrist.“That’s okay, take the time you need. If Yoongi really loves you he’ll wait.”

“Yeah..”

 

                               * * *

Opening night.

Jimin fidgets in place in the surprisingly comfortable chair while the makeup artist tries to the best of his abilities to make him look the part, concealing the dark circles under his eyes and what not.

Tonight, Jimin’s unrelenting efforts will hopefully pay off. Tonight, he’s achieving a dream he’s had for as long as he can remember. Tonight is a tipping point in Jimin’s life. 

 

Tonight is the biggest night of his life.

And he’s not even exaggerating, surprisingly.

 

“Prince Siegfried!” The staging director comes up to him, a beaming smile on her face. “You’ll do amazing, you’ve worked hard!” She lightly grabs his shoulder. “Thank you for everything, Jimin.”

“Thank you Mrs. Cho. I’ll do my best,” He replies, swallowing past the lump of anxiety in his throat.

He can do this. He’s got this.

When his outfit, hair and makeup is ready, when he’s stretched enough and feels like he can’t do more than he’s already done, he steps backstage with his colleagues.

Everyone is feeling antsy, he can feel it. The energy backstage is so loud he can almost hear his colleagues’ thoughts. But he can’t let that distract him, he’s gotta stay focused.

“Jimin-ah?” A voice he’d recognize anywhere interpels him.

He snaps his head towards his interlocutor,

 

“Yoongi..”

He really can’t explain why or how, but the elder’s presence calms him down tremendously. Just seeing him is enough, it seems. Just hearing his deep timbre manages to soothe him when everything else he had tried failed.

“I need to get in place soon but.. are you ok?” The elder seems slightly concerned as he steps closer.

“Yeah,” Jimin chews at his bottom lip. “I-I think..”

Yoongi’s eyebrows furrow. “What are you worried about?”

Trying to hide his nervousness, Jimin forces out a laugh, “You know me, I just overthink that’s all. Don’t worry.”

“You’ve always dreamed of this Jimin-ah. It’s ok to feel nervous. But you’ll ace this. You always do. You’re the most extraordinary dancer I’ve ever seen, no offense to everyone else.” 

Jimin chuckles at that, a genuine laugh. 

“I’ll be there, just below, cheering you on. I’ve got you,” Yoongi finishes, a large, warm gummy smile stretching his features.

God Jimin just wants to kiss those soft lips, wants to get lost in the elder’s taste. But he can’t, he hasn’t made a decision and it would be selfish considering the other’s feelings.

“Thanks hyung..” His chest feels warm and full. “You’ve got this too, you know. You’ll do amazing.”

Yoongi looks like he wants to pull him closer and Jimin’s resolve almost crumbles at the sight. But the other ultimately settles for a small smile.

“Thanks. Have fun out there Jiminie..” The pianist hesitates for a few seconds before reaching for Jimin’s hand, giving it a light, meaningful squeeze.

The butterflies erupting all throughout Jimin’s stomach cannot be tamed and so he refrains from trying, instead choosing to smile goofily at Yoongi.

And as fast as the pianist had taken a hold of the dancer’s hand, he lets go, much to Jimin’s dismay. He walks backwards towards the stairs, a fierce glint in his eyes.

“Go show them what you’re made of, little dove.”

 

                               * * *

When Jimin steps onto the stage that night, in front of hundreds of people, he’s self assured, focused and frankly brilliant (if he may say so himself).

It’s like as soon as he steps on the large stage, as soon as the familiar melody starts dancing alongside him, he relaxes. 

He doesn’t need to search far and wide, the inspiration is right here. The emotion is right here. And it’s playing the piano beautifully, caressing the ivories like no one else ever has.

It’s an extremely sturdy pillar on which Jimin can lean onto for stability.

Yoongi’s playing guides him smoothly, from one movement to the other with grace and poise, until he’s all but one with the role. 

When the prince meets Odette and falls in love, Jimin also falls in love. When the prince is tricked and heartbroken, realizing his mistake: Jimin’s also the embodiment of heartache. 

And when he steps off stage, after thunderous rounds of applause and a standing ovation, he also realizes his own mistake. 

Yes, his past history with the pianist will always have a place in his heart. A very special one at that. And it will have a certain impact on their relationship.

But Jimin couldn’t be the person he is today without his past. So maybe it isn’t such a bad thing to think of their past history as an old friend, a mentor. 

And like old friends, past and present may have outgrown each other, but that doesn’t mean the effects of their friendship needs to be squashed down. It should be cherished.

 

Old Yoongi and Jimin. 

New Jimin and Yoongi.

 

Past and present should be cherished, and the future should be welcomed with a warm hug when its time comes.

Maybe Jimin isn’t too attached to the past anymore. Maybe he’s ready to let it all go and simply be thankful for it and the lessons it’s brought him.

 

He doesn’t waste a single second when he’s finally backstage. He shoots Jungkook a meaningful look and tumbles down the stairs towards the orchestra’s spot. 

Yoongi isn’t there.

 

In a fit of panic he asks one of the musicians where he could have gone.

“He’s probably in his dressing room. It has his name taped on the door, all the way down to the left of the main corridor.” 

Jimin thanks the musician and dashes through the corridors, heart beating wildly in his chest. It seems like he’s been running forever, when he finally sees the name of the pianist taped on a simple white door.

He knocks once, twice, three times, until he finally hears the voice he longs to hear.

“Come in.”

 

And so Jimin bursts through the door, a frantic look in his eyes. Yoongi looks up from his spot on the keyboard bench, eyebrows lifted in surprise.

“Jimin-ah?”

The ballerina’s bottom lip quivers as he tries to will the incoming tears away in favor of dashing towards the elder. He sighs in relief as soon as he feels the pianist’s palms cupping his flushed cheeks. 

“Yoongi!” He all but whines, closing his eyes as he does so. He brings both of his trembling hands to rest on Yoongi’s.

“Hey, hey you’re ok,” The elder soothes, wiping away with his thumbs a few tears that had managed to slide onto Jimin’s cheeks. “I’m here little dove.” 

“Yoongi..” Jimin repeats, a broken sound. Yoongi’s name sounds like a mantra out of the younger’s lips, it’s the only thing keeping him sane.

 “What’s wrong? I want to help—please tell me how..” 

Jimin shakes his head and opens his teary eyes, taking in the other’s concerned features. All he can manage is a feeble,

“Kiss me, please..”

The elder seems confused but he slowly guides Jimin’s chin closer, capturing his lips in a oh-so soft kiss, pressing delicately onto the tender flesh.

The effect is instantaneous. Jimin goes lax in Yoongi’s hold, all the stress he had been plagued with give way to one thing and one thing only. 

Overpowering adoration.

 

The ballerina cries harder as Yoongi kisses him a little more harshly, as if he’s pouring all that he has into a single kiss. Jimin parts from him, a heart shattering sob bubbling up his throat and filling the air around them. 

“Yoongi..” He cries again, unable to open his eyes.

The pianist caresses every inch of skin he can find, laying featherlight kisses on Jimin’s cheeks, eyelids, forehead, temples, anything to try and soothe the dancer. 

“Jiminie tell me what I can do.. I-I don’t know what’s wrong..”

“Nothing’s wrong,” Jimin hiccups while gripping the elder’s shoulders with all the strength he can muster.

The warm chocolatey eyes that stare straight into his own seem so fragile and honest he can’t help but sob even harder, like an ocean overflowing over the both of them. 

 

“Why are you crying then, little dove?” The pianist gently inquires, an unsure smile tugging at his lips.

Without replying, Jimin twines his arms around Yoongi’s neck, nuzzling at the junction between collarbone and neck as he presses closer. He rejoices in the warmth of the elder, the musky scent of his cologne.

Not a single moment in Jimin’s life could compare to this one. Home , this is home.

Yoongi stays silent, opting to firmly hold the dancer while simultaneously stroking the ginger strands of hair offered to him. He stands there, rocking the both of them back and forth in a comforting manner as Jimin sniffles in the crook of his neck.

After a long while, the ballerina’s small voice breaks the silence, 

“It worked.”

“What worked?”

The dancer leans back so he can take a good look at Yoongi, register each and every twitch in his jaw, every emotion flashing through his eyes.

“Y-you said not to think about it, to s-stop searching for it,” A pathetic sniffle. “Well it worked. I did it Yoongi..”

The smile Yoongi sends Jimin is so bright he suspects that if it could somehow be harnessed into energy, it could light up the whole country.

“Of course you did it. You’re amazing Jimin, I’m so damn proud of you.”

“You helped, hyung. You said you’d be there for me and you were,” Jimin murmurs as he presses his forehead against the elder’s.

Yoongi snorts, “It was all you.”

Leaning back with a pout, Jimin lightly swats the other’s nape. “But you were my inspiration.”

The pianist chuckles and brings their foreheads back together, nuzzling the tip of Jimin’s nose with his own.

“Was I, now..?”

 

Jimin hums positively. “Yeah. My muse..”

It feels like time stands still as Yoongi freezes for a long moment, leaning back to peer into Jimin’s eyes. “Yeah..?”

“Mmhm,” The dancer tries to convey all he can through eye contact, make the elder understand that he means every word. 

He lets out a surprised squeal when Yoongi suddenly leans forward to press a chaste kiss on his lips.

“That was my line.”

Jimin breaks out into an endeared fit of giggles,

“Too bad for you, now it’s mine.”

The air seems to get denser and denser as Yoongi inches impossibly closer, his lips ghosting tentatively over Jimin’s. “Anything you want, it’s yours, little dove.”

Jimin’s knees almost buckle under the weight of Yoongi’s confession. “Really?” He questions quietly.

“Anything.” The elder’s tone is resolute.

 

And so, bearing that in mind, Jimin lets all inhibitions go, choosing to focus on the present instead, on the emotions roaring through his body.

“Y-you said you love me..”

“I do.” 

Jimin’s neck is attacked with sweet kisses that send thousands of jolts of electricity up his jelly-like limbs. He manages to speak through the golden fog swirling through his head,

“Show me.”

Yoongi emits a questioning sound against the sensitive skin of his collarbones, the vibration making the young man shiver.

Instead of explaining explicitly, Jimin gently grabs the elder’s head and tilts it upwards, forcing him to look into his eyes. He repeats, “Show me..”

 

He can see the exact moment Yoongi realizes what he means, notices the slight tick in his jaw, the embers in his dark eyes.

It’s wordlessly that he accepts Jimin’s request, immediately bringing him into a slow, languid kiss. And as lazy as Yoongi’s movements feel, his tongue unhurriedly twisting and licking against the dancer’s, Jimin knows better than to think the elder’s moves aren’t meticulously calculated.

It’s almost like a choreography, kinda like when Jimin dances alone in the studio in the evenings, when the lights are off and it’s only him and the music. It’s fueled by one thing only, pure passion.

Amidst steady presses of his lips, Yoongi expertly runs his hands up and down Jimin’s side, stroking just a little harshly when he feels the ballerina shiver as his hands come into contact with his lower back. 

Then they dip down a little lower, tentatively squeezing the supple flesh covered by the bothersome tights Jimin has to wear for his performance. 

Yoongi breaks the kiss off to nibble teasingly at Jimin’s earlobe, prompting a few shuddered gasps from the latter. 

“I love you,” He whispers in a low drawn out manner.

The younger man can only hold on tighter to the elder’s frame, lost in a haze that leaves him dizzy and wobbly on his feet. The other’s words launch his heartbeat into a maddening pace.

The only thing he can think of doing is kissing Yoongi, always. And so he does, again, capturing his lips in a searing kiss that has him stumbling backwards as he tugs at the pianist’s dress shirt, bringing him further into the dressing room.

It isn’t long before they’re tumbling down onto the large couch, parting only to not hurt themselves. They fall awkwardly, Yoongi barely manages to keep himself from knocking Jimin’s head as he goes flying down.

They hold each other tightly and laugh, wholeheartedly and loudly. They’re flushed, out of breath, completely overwhelmed but in the best way. And it doesn’t feel like coming back home after a long journey this time.

No. Instead it feels like setting the foundation of a new home, the happiness, uncertainty and palpable hope that comes with it. 

It feels like that vague feeling you get, when you decide to get out of your comfort zone and finally do that thing you’ve always wanted to do. Thrilling, a little scary but also necessary. Like it’s the right thing to do.

And it feels like things finally make sense, like two pieces of a puzzle coming together after being stored in different boxes for too long.

 

They take their time getting rid of all unnecessary pieces of clothing on both their bodies. There’s truly nothing more that they need when they lay in each other’s warm embrace, skin to skin, bare for the other to appreciate and adore.

Seeing the worshipful glint in Yoongi’s eyes, Jimin feels his heart soaring through his chest, and even more so when the older man kisses him again, a deep motion that conveys so much more than words ever could:

Everything that Yoongi wants to tell him, again and again, everything that Jimin loves to hear.

 

He even thinks he likes it better when Yoongi shows him instead of saying it, just like he’s doing now, caressing every inch of Jimin’s body like he’s worshiping at his altar. 

Jimin’s never really been one for fate. Yet he has fate in him and Yoongi.

And the way the elder kisses him is like a beautiful melody, an hymn to their love that he has written just for the two of them, conveyed by flicks of a sharp tongue and wet lips.

He had once thought they were destined towards a calamitous end. But there’s no end to the garden where their love flourishes, only new growths and deep rooted trees who could withstand the harshest of winters.

Goosebumps pierce his skin in heart stopping waves of pleasure as Yoongi presses both their hardened lengths together. He thrusts against his stomach slowly yet surely, eyes never straying from Jimin’s features, not once. 

Jimin is faintly aware of how needy he sounds when he whines out the elder’s name, a high pitched sound that breaks through the suffocating air filling the room and the heavy breaths and low moans that swirl around them. 

“Y-yoongi—“

The deep baritone that hits Jimin’s ears is truly intoxicating like nothing else ever could, “Yeah?”

“Please..” Is all the ballerina manages to say, squeezing his eyelids shut in an attempt to contain the emotions invading his every sense.

Yoongi bucks his hips teasingly, tearing a needy moan from the other man.

“Please what, little dove?”

Jimin crashes his lips onto the elder’s once more before whispering against them, “Show me.”

“Show you what?” Yoongi grins, his question clearly rhetorical. 

The sound that moves past Jimin’s throat is somewhere between an annoyed groan and a pleased sigh, “Show me you love me.”

 

With wide blown eyes, Yoongi nods and leaves a quick peck on the dancer’s lips before swiftly standing up and making his way to the door, locking it.

He bends down to rummage through his bag for a few moments while Jimin can only stare at the elder’s perfect ass, giggling softly as Yoongi’s impatient groans reach him. 

There’s a lot of muttered “for fuck’s sake”s and “shit”s before the pianist finally finds what he’s looking for. And when he does he quickly makes his way back to a giddy, spread out Jimin. 

 

First, Yoongi positions himself as he had been minutes before, making sure to kiss the younger man slowly and earnestly as he does so. It’s only then that he tears open a sachet of what Jimin soon comes to realize is lube, and pours a sizable amount on his digits. 

He warms the gel for a few seconds before he drags the pad of his fingers down Jimin’s body, eliciting shivers from the latter at every inch of skin they touch.

Yoongi watches closely as Jimin’s mouth parts into a soft ‘o’ while his finger slips past the ballerina’s tight ring of muscle. He drags his digit in and out, curling it from time to time to get the reaction he desires. 

It’s excruciatingly slow, the pace at which he opens Jimin up, scissoring him good and exploring the tight confines with his long fingers, not relenting until he finds that sensitive spot.

And when he does, he doesn’t shy away from it, pressing and caressing it to his heart’s content, watching rapturously as the dancer writhes and whimpers under him.

“Hyung, ‘m gonna come if you—“ A loud moan. “If y-you don’t stop..”

It’s so damn good. And Jimin had almost forgotten how good it feels, to share such a personal experience with the one his heart beats for. It’s a good thing he’ll never have to forget about it again, not if he can help it.

“Then come for hyung, little dove.”

 

Arching his back when Yoongi curls his fingers particularly good , Jimin tries his best not to come on the spot.

“No, noooo,” He protests, fighting a moan threatening to spill. “I—I want to feel you.”

Without warning, the dancer grips the elder's nape and brings him forward, kissing him pleadingly in an attempt to ask for what he really wants. 

And Yoongi, the avid listener, must understand just exactly how desperate the younger man is. Because he soon stops his sweet torture, retreating his slender fingers from Jimin to reach for a foil packet.

But before he can tear the packet, a small hand grabs his wrist, “I— I’m clean if you are.. I had a check up a few months ago and..” Jimin gulps feebly. “I didn’t.. see anyone after that. I.. I only saw one guy after you..” He can’t bring himself to finish the rest of his sentence.

And Jimin would like to argue that the fond look Yoongi sends him right this instant is probably the most beautiful thing he’s ever seen. Fuck sightseeing, he’s got the real deal right here.

“Good,” Yoongi leans down and leaves a peck on Jimin’s lips, slicking his length with lube as he does so.

“I’m clean. I.. I haven’t slept with anyone since you..” The elder confesses, prompting a thousand flowers to bloom through Jimin’s chest, filling him with love and tenderness only.

“You didn’t?” Jimin’s voice comes out barely above a whisper.

The elder’s cheeks flush an even deeper hue of pink,

 

“I didn’t.”

“..Why? I’m sure there must have been a thousand people throwing themselves at you..”

Yoongi chuckles, “They weren’t you, little dove.”

And just like that the elder pushes past Jimin’s rim, drinking in the blissed out expression on the latter’s face as he steadily buries himself into the warm heat, stretching him deliciously around his thick girth. 

He stops halfway in and asks through gritted teeth, “You okay?”

Jimin is very quick to reply, gripping the hair at Yoongi’s nape a little harshly “Y-yeah.. please hyung, move.”

It doesn’t take more encouragement for Yoongi to start moving. And it’s very unhurried at first, though Jimin notices the beads of sweat pearling on the pianist’s forehead, tantalizingly sliding down his sharp jaw.

But even then, Yoongi takes his time. He familiarizes himself again with every curve and dips of Jimin’s body, swirling and thrusting his hips carefully. It’s only when the younger man relaxes in his hold that he lets himself go, fastening his pace in a steady manner.

And when he’s finally pounding into him at record speed, panting and groaning wildly against the shell of Jimin’s ear, the ballerina can only let himself be carried by the currents, a string of airy mewls constantly flowing out of him, witnesses to their pleasure.

Jimin had forgotten how good it felt, to be in this position, to feel every vein of Yoongi’s length dragging pleasurably along his walls. It’s heavenly. And he may not be a man of fate, but he could definitely worship this.

 

Having been deprived from this for so long, it isn’t long before they both tip over the edge: Jimin all over his stomach while the elder spills in thick spurts inside the dancer, his high coaxed out by the fluttering of Jimin’s walls.

They both lay in each other’s embrace, sweaty skin against sweaty skin, catching their breath while caressing the other, uncaring of the mess on the younger man’s stomach. 

And they laugh, they laugh so much. Jimin feels so happy it’s absolutely ridiculous. He doesn’t want to ever leave this room, uncomfortable couch and all. 

As long as Yoongi is there he doesn’t mind.

 

But of course, their happy bubble has to be disrupted because, well, it’s just always how it goes with them.

The door knob rattles furiously and they both startle, Yoongi hitting Jimin’s chin as he jumps in the latter’s arms. 

“Hyung? Jimin-ah? Yoongi hyung?” 

Goddamnit Jungkook.

 

“What is it, Kook?” Jimin tries to hide the annoyance he feels, rubbing at his chin mindlessly.

A short silence. “Well you just.. disappeared and I tried to like, not pry or anything. But then I kinda got worried like, what if you guys we’re fighting and clawing each other’s eyes out or something, you know?”

Yoongi snorts loudly, “No eye clawing or fighting to be seen here. Or well..”

Jimin slaps his arm and glares at him, fighting back a laugh as he does so.

“So..” Jimin can sense Jungkook’s hesitation on the other side of the door. “You guys are good..?” 

“All good,” Jimin replies, carding his fingers through the elder’s blond head of hair. Yoongi relaxes under his ministrations, much to the amusement of the younger man.

“Ok well, I guess I’ll see you tomorrow..”

 

Ah shit. That’s right.

Jimin’s been so engrossed in all of this that he’d managed to forget about tomorrow night.

 

“Ah shit, yeah. See you tomorrow Kookie, sleep well!” He hurriedly says, swatting at Yoongi’s ass to force him to get up.

The pianist looks confused for a moment but slowly stands up nonetheless, immediately plopping back down on the couch. The younger man fights against the slight pain in his bottom half and starts cleaning himself up.

He laughs wholeheartedly at the elder’s state, “You got cum on your stomach hyung.” He approaches him and starts wiping it off.

Yoongi watches him curiously, “Thanks.. It is yours, after all.”

Rolling his eyes, Jimin throws the piece of tissue in a nearby trash can and gets dressed. 

“Why the rush?” Yoongi eventually inquires, a drowsy lilt to his tone. Jimin giggles adoringly.

How cute.

“Well, in case you’ve forgotten, we’ve got another performance tomorrow, hyung.”

A pained groan. “Ahhh, yeah, we do. Do you want to.. well, do you want to sleep at mine tonight?” 

Yoongi seems so shy all of a sudden and Jimin really has to stop himself from straight up cooing at the sight. He ambles towards him instead, cupping his face to leave a soft kiss on his lips. 

“I wish.. but I’ve got a lot of things to do and it wouldn’t make sense. Maybe tomorrow? I could pack accordingly.”

Yoongi hums understandingly, “I’ll miss you.” He chases after the younger man’s lips as he leans back. “Can I at least drive you home?”

Tugging the pianist upwards, Jimin buries himself in the crook of his neck.

“Ok. Bring me home hyung.”

 

                               * * *

“Hyuuuuung.”

Jimin’s been sitting in the same spot for minutes, been blindfolded since he got in the car earlier. He’s dizzy, doesn’t know up from down anymore and he’s also getting a bit nervous.

What exactly did Yoongi plan that requires him to be completely blindfolded?

 

“Give me another minute Jimin-ah.” The elder’s voice comes out from further into the —house?— they find themselves in.

“I’m hungry,” He petulantly whines.

He hears footsteps shuffling closer, feels Yoongi’s presence in front of him before he even hears his gruff, comforting voice, “I know, I’m sorry little dove.” Jimin feels slender fingers gripping the tightly secured bandana around his head before he regains his vision, albeit it is quite blurry at first.

It’s only after a few seconds of repeated blinking that he can observe his surroundings.

First and foremost, Yoongi’s absurdly handsome smile greets him in waves of warmth and light, like the sun’s been hung down from the sky and given a human form. And he can’t stop himself from gawking for a few moments.

That is until Yoongi chortles lightly and nudges his chin, prompting him to avert his gaze, although he does it begrudgingly.

And Jimin really didn’t expect this.  

 

A room bathed in the warm glow of a thousand lights, peering at them from the floor to ceiling windows, revealing a perfect view of Seoul in all its nightly glory. 

“Yoongi..” Jimin’s mouth unceremoniously falls open. The pianist chuckles again, and it’s honestly not fair how good he sounds while doing so.

It takes a long moment for Jimin’s brain to function properly. And when it does he quickly scans the room with befuddled eyes. Candles upon candles stand proudly on diverse surfaces of the seemingly brand new flat.

They reflect gorgeously in the elder’s eyes, making his orbs shine like a million stars amidst the darkness of a summer night.

His point still stands, no scenic view could ever be as magnificent as Yoongi.

 

“What do you think?” 

Jimin sputters, “What do I think? ” He stands up swiftly, almost losing balance, and reaches for the elder, eagerly interlacing their fingers. “This is gorgeous holy shit ! Did you rent this for us?! You’re amazing!” 

Without further ado, he captures Yoongi’s lips between his, instantly melting into a puddle of goo on the wooden floors.

The very nice wooden floors.

He can feel the elder laughing against his lips, the soft exhale of air fanning over his face like a warm breeze. 

“Not exactly,” Yoongi starts, parting from a very pouty Jimin, “This is mine now. And hopefully yours too, down the road. Because, wherever you are, I belong, Jiminie.”

Jimin giggles and throws his arms around the broad shoulders in front of him as the elder brushes the tip of his nose against his.

The absolute fondness for the pianist that inhabits him whole whenever the latter does, well , anything, is so all encompassing he doesn’t really know what to do with it, if not kissing him until the end of times.

Not a very practical plan, but it's a very tempting one nonetheless.

“What do you mean ‘this is yours’?”

Settling his hands on both sides of Jimin’s hips, Yoongi slowly tugs him towards the large windows, not missing a chance to shower the young man with a thousand kisses. 

“I mean that this place is mine. I signed the papers a few weeks ago, just moved my stuff yesterday.”

 

What .

 

The ballerina really hopes his hearing isn’t playing a very cruel trick on him.

“..What? You’re.. staying..? In Seoul?”

Yoongi nods, “Yeah, I am. I was offered a spot in the orchestra. I’m staying, Jiminie. I didn’t want to tell you until it was confirmed. I’m sorry I just—I wanted it to be a surprise..”

Tears flood Jimin’s vision as the elder’s words register. He’s staying. For good.

“I— Are you serious?” He presses closer to the other man. Yoongi hums positively, a small smile tugging at his lips. “Fuck!” The tears of joy fall freely and Jimin is too happy to give a damn, truth be told.

He kisses Yoongi harshly, pouring all the love his small body holds into the press of his lips. Yoongi tries to sweep him off his feet, though he ends up failing miserably.

“I’m clearly not as strong as I thought..” The elder mumbles, much to Jimin’s amusement. 

“Better start working out with me hyung,” Jimin teases, a cocky smirk on his face.

“Yeah.. I can think of a few things,” Yoongi murmurs before kissing the dancer again, sloppily.

A light airy giggle, “Can you?”

“Mmhm. You looked so good last night on stage. You always do but damn. You were magnificent.”

Heat creeps up Jimin’s neck at his words, all the way to his cheeks, coloring it an undoubtedly very bright pinkish hue. “Really?” He asks in a tiny, sheepish tone, eyes fixed on the floor.

He’s surprised by Yoongi’s abrupt stillness, followed by the latter tilting his chin up. He stares deep in the dancer’s eyes, nothing but seriousness and unabashed adoration emanating from him.

 

“I don’t think you grasp just how talented you are, little dove. Watching you is like watching the most beautiful piece of art in motion.” Shivers course through Jimin’s body as the pianist caresses his jaw. “You’re passion incarnated. And you’re so damn elegant I want to bow every time you walk in a room.” 

Jimin blushes an even deeper shade of pink, squirming in the elder’s arms at the influx of compliments.

When Yoongi speaks again, it’s with utmost admiration, “And you know what?” 

The ballerina shakes his head no. 

“I don’t think you’re my little dove anymore. Maybe you never were.”

Jimin’s bashful expression morphs into one of total confusion, “But—“

But the older man silences him by bringing an index to his lips.

 

“You’re a swan, Jiminie.”

 

Oh .

That’s.. 

Jimin loves him so damn much.

 

“But I’m your little swan, right?” He tentatively asks, an attempt to solidify the holy grounds he now calls home.

Inching closer, Yoongi whispers against the dancer's lips, “Only if you want to be.”

And just like that they kiss again, and it’s a different kind of kiss. The kind of kiss where you know you’ve got time but also never enough. No ulterior motives, just tenderness.

And it’s at that moment that Jimin realizes he’s absolutely sure that he’s ready. For this. For them.

They’ve got this.

 

And so he takes the leap, a barely audible murmur that conveys all that words can,

“I love you.”

 

Yoongi sighs happily, “And I love you.”

Clasping Jimin’s hand with his, he opens the door leading to a small balcony and turns to him expectantly. “You wanna take a look? It’s gorgeous out here.”

A wide grin forms on the younger man’s face, the widest it’s ever been, he thinks, “As long as you’re there.”

Yoongi squeezes his hand reassuringly. And it’s funny how one word can mean so much, truly. All of those poets have got nothing on the man securely holding his heart in the palm of his hand.

 

“Always.”

Notes:

What did you think? I’s love to hear your thoughts in the comments<3

Thanks for reading!

Series this work belongs to:

• Part 4 of A Repertory of Yoonmin Oneshots