Chapter Text
He's writing again.
Rei is long past expecting him to give up, but still groans as he feels the tell-tale tickle of a pen tip scrawling across his arm. As faint as the sensation may be, Rei’s exhaustively trained instincts never miss it. Tonight it wakes him from a light sleep and he rolls over in the large porcelain tub, pulling his sleeve down to squint at his arm in the dim moonlight.
He liked dinner tonight, I think, tho he didn’t say so - never does.
It’s in the corner of his eyes tho. U just have to watch for it.
What did you have for dinner?
Irritable, Rei tugs his sleeve back over the dark letters. ‘What did you have for dinner?’ Why ask?!
Why do any of this?!
----- -------
Rei was a lonely child, though he had little time to feel so. Father's training regimen was brutal and lasted from sunrise to sundown, and any time not spent running, climbing, strengthening muscles, or testing reflexes was used to eat and sleep.
This changed when Rei turned five.
hi
His soulmate began writing to him, and Rei smuggled a pen to his room to reply. They exchanged notes late into the night, despite only the other knowing how to write more than a few letters. They drew clumsy flowers and hearts and smiley faces, and when Rei drew himself as a stick figure child, his soulmate drew another, and stretched out one pencil-thin arm so that the two were holding hands.
Several days later, Rei asked father how to spell his full name during a brief break in their morning training.
"Why?" His father demanded to know, and Rei was then still guileless enough to tell the honest truth without hesitation.
Rei beamed up at him, squinting in the bright sunlight. "To tell my soulmate so we can find each other someday!"
Rei’s father’s expression darkened and the man roughly grabbed Rei’s wrist, tearing open the starched white sleeve to reveal the still-fading hearts from this morning.
“There’s no such thing as soulmates, boy. Not for you. You will stop writing back, hear me? Ignore it. Your soulmate will be better off too.”
And that was the end of it, on pain of beatings and missed meals if Rei dared bring the matter up again. The illicit pen was quickly found and confiscated, and shortly afterwards a tight bandage sewn around Rei's arm. When it was taken off two years later, Rei knew better than to resume writing.
Four years after that, Rei had given up all intentions of ever finding them, whoever they were. Those desires were locked away and buried.
But the writing never stopped.
Even as Rei grew older, stronger, faster, better - molded into the perfect assassin his father required him to be - the writing never stopped.
I’m starting middle school 2day! There’s a girl in my class with shiny black hair that goes all the way down to her skirt. Sometimes I wonder if she’s you?
We won the tournament! Coach is taking us out for soda!
My parents are fighting about money again. It’s so annoying lol
There’s a cute stray cat by the park. Here’s a little pic but it’s not very good. Not enough rm
Do you work at a conbini mb? There’s this guy and sometimes I think…?
Dropping out of school to help w/ bills. No more math lol
Got a job. Might fix everything in one night. Wish me luck
Fuck. I. fuck. Tonight I
nevermind
Making good money now! Renting my own place! Come over sometime?
I met someone. I know she’s not you, but it’s okay, right? If I’m happy?
Are you happy?
For a time after that message, Rei was granted the long-wished for reprieve of daily messages. It was a bittersweet blessing. With jobs coming daily, Rei was relieved to be free of distraction as he took careful shot by shot. His soulmate’s words had a habit of echoing in Rei’s head all day long, daring Rei to take an interest despite everything he very well knew. Daring him to be jealous of the mystery woman that had won the love of his soulmate.
But what did it matter if she had? Assassins don’t get to love.
Tools don’t need feelings.
Anything else would get him killed, another fool fallen in the field.
And fools seemed to be in abundance those days. Lately they’d been pairing Rei with this new blonde idiot, a blonde man just a few years older than Rei but so carefree he may as well be ten years his junior. Kurusu smiled all the time, laughed like it cost him nothing. And he was so free with the details of his personal life! He even showed Rei (against Rei’s will) the background photo of his phone. A beautiful woman with paint splattered on her cheek and cheap sweater smiled gently.
“We’re having a baby together,” Kurusu confessed, offering the completely-unasked for information up as though it were the most natural thing in the world.
Rei knew that was a terrible idea, but kept it to himself. Kurusu wouldn’t have taken his advice anyhow. The young man was beaming, seemingly illuminated by an inner light that warmed the very air around them. A morbid place to smile, Rei thought, with blood on your jacket and a clean-up crew on its way. We just killed six people and you’re happy to bring one into this crappy world?
Whatever. It’s none of my business anyway.
So business continued as normally as it could. Irritating as he could be, Kurusu proved his usefulness again and again. His tedious plans were well-thought out and prevented unnecessary damage, at least some of the time. And despite his seemingly kind nature, Kurusu had no qualms about charming targets moments before drawing a weapon on them. Slowly, Rei began to even appreciate his company. Somehow, listening to Kurusu chatter on about pointless things was soothing.
And familiar.
In August, Rei’s soulmate wrote again for the first time in months.
They’re gone. Gone. i can’t
Please
Anything but this
Me instead
God why
Please
No
Help
Anything
Rei grasped his trembling forearm as the frantic, sloppy writing went on and on, words written overlapping with words and becoming indiscernible. What happened? What happened, and how could Rei make it stop?!
In the end, there was nothing Rei could do but sit in the gloom of his apartment for hours, watching his arm steadily turn completely dark.
Kurusu, for the first time, didn’t show up for their assignment the next day. But when Rei saw him the day after that, Kurusu’s eyes were rimmed in red. And the bit of arm peeking out of Kurusu’s jacket was still stained black, black, black.
He didn’t say anything about the woman in the photo after that day. Didn’t comment when the baby’s due date came and went, though a notification chimed on Kurusu’s phone. Rei didn’t bring it up either, but the two of them silently went to the cafe and got very, very, drunk.
Somehow, Rei had become partners with his soulmate.
----- -------
A sudden banging on the bathroom door abruptly rouses Rei.
“Oi, wake up! We’ve gotta go to the cafe today,” Kazuki calls through the door.
“Hrm.” Rei groans and rolls his shoulders and neck, listening to the satisfying cracks and pops.
“Breakfast is ready, too!”
Rei stretches his arms. “‘Kay.”
He stumbles across to the sink, washes his face, and heads to the kitchen, where a full Japanese breakfast waits on the table. Rei sits and sips at his miso soup, wincing a little at the temperature.
“Careful, it’s hot,” Kazuki warns too late, sitting across from him. Rei ignores him and wolfs down the rest of his breakfast, slowing only to pick a few stray bones from the fish. However, when he sees Kazuki focused on his own food, he permits himself a moment to just… look.
Blonde hair falls in Kazuki’s eyes. Long fingers maneuver chopsticks from bowl to mouth in one hand, and another long finger scrolls the newsfeed on Kazuki’s phone. There is no trace of sorrow in Kazuki’s face, nor in his voice as he asks Rei how the food tastes.
Kazuki never reveals his distress when he’s writing, either.
Well. It doesn’t matter.
Kazuki may be his partner, his roommate even. But Rei will never be his soulmate.