Work Text:
And I’d give up forever to touch you
‘Cause I know that you feel me somehow
You’re the closest to heaven that I’ll ever be
And I don’t wanna go home right now
And all I can taste is this moment
And all I can breathe is your life
And sooner or later, it’s over
I just don’t wanna miss you tonight
And I don’t want the world to see me
‘Cause I don’t think that they’d understand
When everything’s made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am
‘Iris’ - Goo Goo Dolls
*
It’s really happening. Everything’s been finalised: she’s said goodbye to the team and moved every last pair of white Air Maxes out of the changing room; she’s signed the contract and chosen a new number. Jordan is leaving Arsenal and moving to Villa. All that’s left now is the official announcement, tomorrow afternoon at 3pm. Maybe then, Leah thinks, maybe then it will actually feel real.
There is nothing more to say, nothing to make it better. Nothing more that hasn’t been said, already, at least - that they haven’t talked ‘round and ‘round and ‘round in circles about a million times over.
Leah understands exactly why it’s happening, of course, and she knows it’s the right move for Jordan. But that doesn’t make it any easier - for either of them - because it’s shit, is what it is. It’s a shit situation. But it’s also life. It’s life and professional football, and they both know that.
So Leah already knows exactly why Jordan can’t sleep: it’s the reason neither of them can sleep, the reason neither of them have been able to fall asleep since they wished each other “goodnight” and turned the light off near half an hour ago. She knows all of Jordan’s body’s little stages of falling asleep, and she can tell her girlfriend hasn’t done any of those yet. It’s been one of those nights when they’d started out spooning, but thirty minutes of tossing and turning later they’re in completely different positions on their respective sides of the bed.
With one last sigh, Leah accepts defeat. She rolls over to face where Jordan’s lying on her side, back to her.
“Jord?”
There’s a pause, the sound of a throat being cleared, and then, “Yeah?”
“I can’t sleep.”
“Neither.”
“D'you wanna talk about it?”
“No.”
That’s fine, Leah thinks. They don’t have to talk about it. Jordan needs a distraction, and Leah is more than happy to provide one.
Deliberately moving slowly and rustling the sheets a lot so that Jordan can hear exactly what she’s doing, Leah shuffles her body forwards to close the gap between them. She snakes her hand in between Jordan’s hip and arm, so she can rest it on Jordan’s stomach and start tracing little circles with her thumb over her loose pyjama t-shirt. In the darkness of their bedroom, their senses are heightened. They’re relying on sound and touch only.
Hearing and feeling Jordan’s breathing pick up, Leah shifts closer and moulds herself properly along the length of Jordan’s back. Her senses are so tuned into her girlfriend’s body that, when she brushes Jordan’s hair away and kisses the back of her neck softly, she can feel the fine hairs there stand up and prickle against her lips.
“Is this okay?” Leah whispers, hot breath ghosting over Jordan’s skin.
“Mmm,” Jordan exhales, baring her neck to give Leah more space, her legs shifting a little and pressing her body back, into the younger woman.
Consent to continue granted, Leah begins licking and kissing at her girlfriend’s neck. Nothing severe enough to leave marks (she hopes), but pouring as much tenderness and adoration as she can into it, working her way up and down a few times before her lips come to rest on Jordan’s pulse point at her jaw just below her ear. Sucking a tiny bit harder there, she feels Jordan’s abs jump under where her palm has continued rubbing in circles. The older woman is properly squirming, now, and pushes her arse right back into Leah’s crotch with a whine.
“Lee,” Jordan breaks the relative silence, tone needy.
“Yeah, baby?”
“I need more.”
Leah smiles against her neck. Letting her fingers drop a little lower to trace the waistband of Jordan’s loose Calvin Kleins that she likes to wear to bed, Leah then runs her fingernails along the skin above it for a few moments. When she finally decides she’s teased enough, she places her whole warm palm over her crotch, just feeling her girlfriend’s softness the way she loves to do.
Leah is in love with how Jordan is all sharp jawline and solid muscle and flat chest but also wide hips and curved bum and high voice. She can be a little loud and boisterous at times, and presents as a little less feminine than Leah, but Leah knows that that doesn’t mean Jordan isn’t also soft and sweet and delicate and sensitive - definitely more so than herself, actually.
She slowly drags her fingers up and down Jordan’s slit a few times, letting her fingernails catch on the little bump of her swollen clit, before coming to a rest where the dip of her hole is, and gently pressing in. She won’t deny it: there’s not a lot she finds more erotic than teasing her girlfriend for a while, working her up, and then getting to put her hand on her and feel how affected Jordan is.
Leah presses her fingertips in harder and massages in strong figure of eights, coaxing her girlfriend’s wetness to seep through her pants. “Come on, baby. Give it to me,” she whispers, voice low and soothing.
She smiles again as Jordan moans breathily and she’s finally rewarded with the feeling of hot, damp cotton. She wishes she had the visual - the sight of Jordan with a wet line along the front of grey Calvin Kleins is one of her favourite in the world - but she’s enjoying this position too much to move to look right now. Imagination will have to suffice.
Jordan’s breathing a lot more heavily now, and Leah’s starting to feel how her own cunt is being affected. The delicious ache between her legs is becoming more and more apparent with every backwards grind Jordan makes into her.
Leah swings her leg over Jordan’s hip so she can pull her even closer against her front. As she moans from the friction of her own hard nipples against two layers of fabric and Jordan’s back, she slips her hand under Jordan’s top to tug at her nipple.
The younger woman is thankful for how flexible Jordan is when she says, “kiss me,” and her girlfriend twists ‘round with ease to join their lips. The kiss is passionate and slightly rough, Jordan licking into her mouth impatiently.
Now squeezing her breast, really just taking advantage of an excuse to feel her girlfriend up, if she’s honest, Leah breaks the kiss: “Wanna fuck you.”
Jordan is obviously into that - moans and nods her approval - but before she can close the gap between their lips again, Leah brings her hand out from under Jordan’s top to gently clutch the side of her neck, halting her. “D’you want the strap?” she asks, already knowing what the answer will be.
Jordan pulls back to look at her as well as she can in the darkness, pupils dilated. “Fuck, yes.”
Leah smiles, starts tenderly tracing her thumb down the older woman’s jawline, and feels a strong wave of poignancy overcome her. “I love you,” she murmurs, voice thick.
Jordan softens: “I love you, too.” And, suddenly, this isn’t just about neither of them being able to sleep and being horny for each other and trying to kill time. It’s about Jordan having no choice but to leave the place where they fell in love and grew up together and had so many firsts together, and Leah getting to stay, but telling her I won’t forget you, I won’t move on from you, I promise our love is so much stronger than that. Maybe it was always about that.
They share a deep, lingering kiss before Leah sits up and gets Jordan to roll onto her back. Leaning to the side of the bed, she turns on the lamp. Now she can see how soft and cuddly Jordan looks: hair even more fluffy and mussed up than usual from all the tossing and turning earlier, but also bright pink cheeks and glazed eyes and kiss-bitten lips. She looks beautiful, Leah thinks. When she crosses her arms to lift her t-shirt over her head and throw it on the floor, Jordan mirrors her. Then she takes her rightful place, kneeling between Jordan’s spread legs.
Leah licks and kisses down her girlfriend’s chest, swirling her tongue around the gentle curves of her breasts and her sensitive nipples, then blowing cold air onto the wet skin, savouring every second. When she makes her way down to her abs, she takes her time sucking a dark, wine-coloured bruise into where soft skin stretches over hard muscle.
“Just so the Villa girls know you’re mine,” Leah growls jokingly, giving the finished bruise one last, soothing kiss and, lips quirked and eyes sparkling, looking up to meet Jordan’s gaze.
Jordan laughs, flicking Leah gently on the forehead. “You’re such an idiot,” she says fondly.
Leah loves every kind of sex they have. Whether it’s a sloppy, alcohol-fuelled romp after a night out; or gentle, half-awake morning sex; or marathon sex on their afternoon off, leaving them feeling like they’ve just done a whole additional training session - Leah loves it all.
But this kind of sex has to be up there as a favourite: tender and loving and sweet and playful, where they can go from gasping from something unbelievably sexy the other has done to cracking up at a joke that’s been made, to gasping again, all in the space of less than a minute.
The defender moves down further, and clenches in simultaneous arousal and sympathy when she finally sees the wet patch on Jordan’s knickers. She places a kiss on the darkened fabric and presses her nose into it, breathing in the clean, slightly metallic scent of Jordan’s cunt.
“More, Lee,” Jordan moans. She’s sounding properly impatient, now, and Leah can hardly blame her.
“Sorry,” Leah says (she’s only a tiny bit sorry).
The younger woman hooks her fingers into each side of Jordan’s knickers. A gooey string of arousal clings on as Leah pulls them away from her pussy and down her legs. When she sees it, Leah moans and clenches again, and makes a quick decision. Leah wasn’t planning on going down on her - was just gonna get down to business with the strap - and Jordan obviously doesn’t need it…but Leah can’t not taste, now - not when her girl is so fucking wet for her.
“Hold my hair back, baby,” she commands, and quickly lifts Jordan’s calves to hook them over her shoulders, leans down, and swipes her tongue up the length of Jordan’s pink pussy, earning herself a high-pitched cry from her girlfriend. Running her tongue up and down, she collects as much excess slick as she can, gathering it on her tongue and swallowing.
Jordan’s hands in her hair are pressing Leah towards her clit, and she becomes aware she’s not given it much attention yet. Taking pity, she pulls the velvety folds between her lips, suckling gently.
“Fuck, Lee,” she just about hears, muffled by Jordan’s thighs on either side of her face. She takes it as encouragement to suck harder, lashing the bud with her tongue.
Jordan’s moans are so hot. Leah’s hand goes between her own legs and presses down, just to give herself some kind of relief where she can feel her own clit pulsing needily.
“Lee. Strap, now,” Jordan pants, and tries to pull her up by her hair, so she draws back, causing the midfielder to whine in frustration despite herself. Jordan’s legs fall down off Leah’s shoulders and the hand that had been tangled in the younger woman’s hair moves to cup the side of her face, where she's resting her chin on her abs. Jordan runs her thumb over where Leah’s lips are wet with arousal and Leah opens her mouth to catch its tip, gently suckling and fluttering her eyelashes.
Leah doesn’t need to use words to ask if Jordan’s ready. She just makes eye contact, the question clear in her eyes, and Jordan nods back, pupils dilated.
The defender moves back up her body to rejoin their lips, letting Jordan taste herself on her tongue. Then she leans over to the bedside table, extracting the strap-on and a bottle of lube. They keep most of their toys in a box under the bed, but their favourites get easily-accessible pride of place.
Leah pulls off her own soaked knickers and tosses them aside, watching as her girl’s eyes drop to the place between her legs and her tongue comes out to run over her lips. Fuck, but she’s fit.
Wanting to put on a show for Jordan, but also for her own selfish agenda, Leah runs her fingers over herself and moans loudly. She circles two around her clit, and then dips them inside. She’s so wet they slip in easily, and she can’t help but buck forwards, riding her own fingers for a few seconds because it just feels far too good not to.
Jordan groans at that, hooded eyes coming up to meet where Leah had already been watching her face as she touched herself. It takes the younger woman immense self-discipline to pull her fingers out, but she’s gratified when she sticks her wet fingers in her girlfriend’s eager mouth, Jordan moaning in satisfaction and running her tongue in between each of them.
As Leah begins securing the straps around her hips, Jordan lets her own legs fall apart, beckoning Leah closer between them and inviting her to just admire her girlfriend in all her glory. The sight of her pussy spread open and glistening with arousal, flushed a dark rose, makes Leah clench in anticipation.
“How d’you want it?” Leah asks the question already assuming the answer will be from behind like usual, starts moving back to kneel in place.
But Jordan halts her with a hand to her waist. “No - wanna see you,” she says quietly.
Their eyes meet again and Leah understands: Jordan’s feeling vulnerable and anxious and unsure about the future, and what she needs right now is the closeness and intimacy of face-to-face.
Leah leans over her girlfriend and hands her the lube, and the older woman dribbles a generous amount all over the toy before slicking it on properly with her hand. The sight of Jordan concentrating on wanking off the toy between her legs has Leah’s heart feeling like it’s about to beat right out of her throat - the level of attraction she feels to this woman is truly something she never thought possible.
Leah thinks back to the first few times they did this: both of them young and nervous, both so eager to please the other, but mostly so trusting of one another with their vulnerability. The first time, she was so worried she’d hurt Jordan that she used nearly half the fucking bottle of lube and everything was so slippery she could barely get a grip on the dildo at all, having to stop to wipe it down with a towel; the second time she somehow managed to do up the straps wrong so that the harness was the completely wrong way around, and she had to sheepishly redo them, face aflame.
They’ve got it down to a fine art, now, Jordan usually doing the lube while she sorts the rest. Sometimes Jordan will suck on the strap to get it wet - put on a show for Leah - but neither of them are in the mood for that right now.
Her reminiscing is rudely interrupted when Jordan reaches around and wipes her lubed hand on Leah’s bum, giggling with her eyes crinkled when Leah whines unhappily, then letting her hand linger and giving Leah’s bum a firm squeeze.
She feels a bit pathetic that she does, but Leah can’t help but moan at that. She loves to give pleasure, but she’s only human, and she’s been untouched for far too long.
Jordan just unapologetically bounces her legs where they’re still spread. “C'mon, then. I’m waitin’,” she says cheekily.
Leah raises an eyebrow. “Well, if you’re gonna be like that.” Moving forwards and taking hold of the dildo, Leah slides it along Jordan's cunt. Listening to her girlfriend huffing in frustration, she rubs it so that it bumps Jordan’s hard clit a few times, and then teases a bit around her entrance, dipping it in and getting the tip glossy with arousal, but pulling it away before Jordan can really bear down on it.
Jordan’s whimpering desperately, now, and Leah’s impatient, herself, so she gets a firm grip on Jordan’s hips, positions herself carefully at her waiting entrance, and enters Jordan with one smooth roll of her hips. She goes slowly but steadily, knowing her girlfriend is more than capable of taking it in one.
The cheekiness is immediately wiped off of Jordan’s face, and she lets out a long, high-pitched moan, almost involuntarily, screwing her eyes shut and letting her mouth drop open.
Oh my god, Leah thinks. She’s so fucking gorgeous.
“Fuck, Lee,” Jordan gasps, her Northern accent thicker than ever when she’s in the throes of pleasure, “that’s so good.”
“You’re so fucking gorgeous,” Leah says.
Jordan blushes and opens her eyes; green meets blue. “So are you.” How can it be, Leah thinks, that she is literally buried inside Jordan right now, so deep that her hip bones are cradled between Jordan’s, but it’s calling her girlfriend “gorgeous” that’s made her blush.
“Nah, but seriously,” Leah continues, “how'd eighteen year-old me fucking land you?”
Jordan laughs, though it comes out in a bit of a gasp. “How’s thirty year-old me landed you? Have y’ seen y’self?”
Leah rolls her eyes and leans down for a kiss. Capturing Jordan’s bottom lip between her teeth as she pulls away, “I love you,” she says.
Jordan smiles, but also wiggles a little where she’s now trapped underneath Leah’s long frame. “Lee, I love you, too, but c’n you move now, please?”
Leah draws her hips back, her hands now planted firmly on either side of Jordan’s shoulders, and starts thrusting slowly.
It’s hot and heavy, and mostly hushed. The only sounds are their laboured breathing, peppered with moans, and the filthy, wet sounds of the dildo sliding in and out. Sometimes they don’t need words - sometimes the slide of lips against lips and skin against skin is enough to express everything they need to express. Jordan just lies there, brow furrowed and mouth parted in bliss, and lets Leah completely surround her, claim her.
Leah, for her part, is concentrating on chasing her own pleasure, replicating every movement she can that makes the strap-on’s base rub against her clit deliciously, while simultaneously keeping her hips rolling in a smooth, steady rhythm for the smaller woman.
Her girlfriend’s eyes have been closed for a while but when she opens them, they fixate on Leah’s perfect breasts, tantalisingly bobbing in front of her face. She leans up to catch a nipple in her mouth, breathing heavily through her nose, and Leah groans, letting her body drop down closer, to make it easier for her.
Not long after, Jordan’s fingers squeeze between their bodies to pinch and twist her own nipple. Her next words come out muffled against Leah’s breast: “Lee, baby, I’m nearly there.”
“Yeah?” Leah breathes into her neck, her eyes closed and head bowed.
“I need- harder- please.”
She pauses for a moment and pulls out, making Jordan clench down on nothing. Leah’s hair is messy, her tits are flushed and perky and shiny with spit, and the dildo is glistening with Jordan’s arousal where it bobs between her legs. She looks like a wet dream, and the sight of her has Jordan expelling even more wetness, dribbling down her perineum and darkening the sheets.
Leah wraps her hands around Jordan’s thighs, hoisting her legs higher up around her waist and tucking a supportive pillow under her back.
The anticipation built in the fifteen seconds or so it took to do that makes it all the more sweet when she finally re-enters Jordan: when she really starts going for it, thrusting her hips forward with a lot more power, Jordan starts keening immediately.
Part of the beauty of this new position is how Leah’s now able to watch her girlfriend’s pussy lips swallowing the dildo over and over, dark blue stark against bright pink. Above that is her gorgeously swollen clit, hood pulled back and standing to attention, just waiting to be touched: Leah’s mouth floods with saliva.
The defender knows the curved, silicone end will be hooking into the right spot perfectly at this angle, too, and she knows her girlfriend’s orgasm is imminent. She also knows every inch of her is being stroked deep inside, making her feel like she’s being turned inside out in the best way possible. There’s no satisfaction quite like it, and conjuring up that feeling in her brain is starting the coil of Leah’s own orgasm, low in her tummy.
“Hold my hand?” she hears between the high-pitched moans, so she places her palm over the top of Jordan’s hand that had been holding her hip, and threads their fingers together. An anchor.
“Play with your clit for me, baby.”
Jordan whimpers at the command, and her other hand goes between her legs to roll and flick the soft bud between her fingers as best as she can, considering how wet and slippery everything is.
“Come for me, Jord.”
When Jordan comes, the hand Leah’s holding squeezes on hers so hard it hurts, but in what can only be a good way. The smaller woman’s eyes screw shut, her back arches up, and she lets out one long whine. There’s nothing quite like watching the love of your life ascend into the realms of pleasure like this, and knowing that you’re responsible for it. It’s one of the best kinds of magic, Leah thinks.
Leah’s continued rolling her hips carefully, to prolong Jordan’s orgasm and to not interrupt the building of hers. As Jordan begins coming down, she leans down to reunite their lips, just soft brushes as her girlfriend gets her breath back.
“’m so close, Jord,” Leah huffs into the older woman’s mouth. Her clit is still getting rubbed all the right ways, the pressure perfect, but it’s not quite enough.
“What d'you need, baby?” her girlfriend asks, earnest as ever.
But Leah doesn’t answer that, eyes meeting Jordan’s with an almost panicked look on her face. Jordan understands. Leah doesn’t want to choose - can’t choose right now, doesn’t know what she needs, just knows that she needs something. So Jordan chooses for her.
Jordan reaches her hands around to cover Leah’s arse, heels of her palms pressing and blunt nails digging into firm cheeks. Leah groans as sparks fly up her spine, her hips stuttering and making her girlfriend moan in turn, where she's still buried deep inside her. Then, the midfielder drags a finger slowly down in between Leah’s arsecheeks. As soon as Leah feels the light press at her hole, it’s enough to send her gasping over the edge with her eyes screwed shut, her hips jerking and her nails leaving marks the shape of crescent moons in Jordan’s thighs.
Breathing heavily, Leah lets herself bask in the afterglow for a while, finally relaxing her grip on Jordan’s thighs around her waist and letting them drop to the bed slowly, in time with her carefully pulling out. She gets rid of the harness, and, taking a wad of tissues, wipes herself down between her legs, hissing a little as her oversensitive nerve endings protest. Jordan clenches and whines when she does the same to her, but settles when the defender shhh s her and kisses her pubic bone softly.
Occasional aftershocks still zipping through her, Leah gets Jordan to move from the sizeable wet patch they’ve left to the other side of the bed. Her girl is looking suitably fucked out now they’ve both climaxed, all quiet and pliant, letting Leah move her however she wants to. She smiles fondly, and once again marvels at how someone who has the ability to give her the most mind blowing orgasms can, mere minutes later, also make her heart melt with cuteness.
After she’s turned the light off, she swings a leg back over Jordan, they both take a minute getting comfy under the covers, and then their lips meet again, because neither of them are apparently quite sleepy enough yet. They lazily snog for a long, long time, hands wandering over backs, necks, bums and shoulders with no ulterior motives, just enjoying each other’s bodies, and the shared knowledge that they belong to each other, for better or for worse, through everything life might throw at them.
They make out until their racing thoughts have slowed down and their heart rates have synced up, tongues intertwining and teeth tugging on lips which are then soothed with more kisses. They make out until their eyes are both drooping, ‘til it surely must be time to sleep, but neither of them are willing to interrupt this moment of perfect quiet, both relishing the intimacy of being with someone who knows you so completely, who has seen you at your best and at your worst and still wants to stay.
It’s eventually Jordan yawning that forces their lips to separate, and so Leah rests her cheek on her love’s breast, snuggling into her neck and listening for the comfort of her steady heartbeat.
Jordan wraps her arm around Leah’s back and leans down to place a soft kiss on her head. “Sleep, now, Lee.”
“I love you,” Leah mumbles, already halfway there.
“I love you, too,” is Jordan’s reply, and it’s the last thing Leah remembers before she drifts off.
Whatever happens tomorrow, they can face it together. They always have, and they always will.