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Unlike most people Pat hated Fridays. For most people Friday meant the weekend was near and while there was still homework to do over the weekend it meant that there were two days of freedom ahead of them. However, in Pat’s case Fridays were the one day of the week where he and Pran had completely different schedules and he had to go an entire day without seeing his boyfriend. Sure, even if they did have the same schedule it wasn’t as if they could actually hang out together since they were supposed to be broken up, but Pat at least enjoyed being able to sit in their shared lecture and watch Pran from afar.
No, instead Pran had an early class, which meant he was usually gone before Pat woke up and he had to wait until classes were over for the day to meet back up at the dorms. And that was as long as neither of them were going home for the weekend. And rarely did they go home on the same weekend ever since they had “broken up” if only to lessen the potential for their parents to talk about the other.
Thankfully neither of them were going home this weekend so Pat just had to make it through the rest of the day. That didn’t mean he couldn’t text Pran of course, but he tried to keep it to a minimum on the off chance someone else, who was supposed to think they were broken up, saw Pran’s phone when he texted.
As Pat’s last morning class ended, he shoved his books into his bag, shouldering it as he got to his feet and followed his friends out towards the canteen. Pat had only had a protein bar for breakfast and was starving now.
Reaching the canteen, Pat spotted a table already occupied by Wai and they headed in that direction. Pat and Pran might have been broken up but that didn’t mean that their friend groups stopped hanging out at school. In fact ever since it had come out that they were dating a few months earlier the feud between Engineering and Architecture appeared to have been completely forgotten; much to the relief of much of the staff.
They greeted each other as they reached the table before Korn and Chang went off to get food for them all.
Dropping his bag under the table, Pat slid into one of the empty seats and took out his phone to check for any texts from Pran while Mo and Wai talked about whether or not Wai was working that night and what it meant for the rest of the group.
“Pat, are you gonna come out tonight?” Mo asked as Pat finished replying to a text from Pa.
He shook his head, setting his phone down on the table top, “No, I’m going home.” The only other person at the table who knew that was a lie was Wai, but he didn’t give Pat away; him and Korn being the only ones who knew that Pat and Pran were still together.
“Hey, who is Pran talking to?” Pat was caught off guard by the question, this time from Chang as he and Korn returned to the table each carrying trays. Pat followed Chang’s line of sight as he turned to look behind him and it only took a moment to find Pran standing at the edge of the canteen talking to another student in a maroon Architecture shirt that Pat wasn’t familiar with.
“Oh, that’s Palm.” Wai said, shaking his head, looking slightly annoyed. “Pran already told him that he’s not ready to date again, but it seems he’s not backing down.”
As Pat watched the other student and Pran, it was clear that it wasn’t just an innocent conversation; at least on Palm’s end as he was standing far too close to Pran and kept touching Pran’s arm.
Pat was about to turn back around, not really keen on watching someone else flirting with his Pran when two girls at a nearby table started talking just loud enough to be overheard, “They would be so cute together, don’t you think?” They were so focused on Pran and Palm that they didn’t appear to have noticed that Pat was right within earshot.
The second girl nodded,“They would and they’d still even have the same first initial just like Pran had with Pat. I think it’s a sign.”
The first girl giggled, “If that’s the case then I should date Pat. PatPrin.” Pat and Korn locked eyes and Korn rolled his before making a face which got a chuckle out of Pat.
However the sound died on Pat’s lips as the second girl spoke again, “I mean, now that Pat’s straight again, you should go for it.” Before either girl could say more Wai cleared his throat loudly, getting the girls’ attention. Finally seeing Pat, both girls suddenly looked as if they’d see a ghost and quickly got up to leave.
In the two months since they had “broken up” Pran had been hit on by at least a dozen or so guys throughout the university. Since his and Pran’s relationship had gone public the first time, there didn’t seem to be any question about Pran’s sexuality as Pat hadn’t seen or heard about any girls hitting on Pran. It wasn’t so much that Pat was jealous that Pran was getting hit on by guys, but had more to do with the way people appeared to talk about him that really bothered Pat.
Not that Pat wanted anyone to hit on him; guy or girl, but he hated the way it made him feel when people assumed he had only been going through a phase or something with Pran. He was already getting that treatment from his own father; getting it from people who had no idea what they were talking about made him feel…well he wasn’t really sure how it made him feel, but he didn’t like it.
“You’d think that people would look to make sure the people they’re talking about weren’t around, ya know?” Mo said, shaking his head before he took a bite of his lunch.
Chang nodded, “Right? Just take a cursory glance around before you start talking about someone.”
Pat decided that he’d had enough of this conversation, his stomach souring the longer he sat there “I forgot, there’s a book I need to get from the library for a report.” Grabbing his bag, he didn’t wait for a response from anyone before he got to his feet.
As he walked away from his friends, he realized that he hadn’t touched his lunch. He was still starving, but somewhere between watching Pran being flirted with and overhearing those girls he’d lost his appetite.
***
The rest of the day went by without incident and by the time classes were over and they were home, Pat’s mood had improved considerably and the incident from lunch was nearly forgotten.
At least until Sunday evening when they were supposed to be finishing up homework.
Pran was seated at his desk, working on a project while Pat was sitting on the couch, where he was supposed to be reading, but his text book was sitting forgotten on his lap as his mind drifted back to Friday afternoon. After awhile Pran must have realized that something was bothering Pat because regardless of how much homework either of them had at any given time Pat was usually extremely talkative throughout no matter how much either of them should have been concentrating, but Pat had barely said a word once they had settled in to do their homework.
“Hey, are you alright?” Pat had been so lost in thought that he hadn’t even heard Pran get up until he spoke, causing Pat to blink a few times as he focused on Pran who was now sitting next to him on the couch, a look of concern on his face as he looked Pat over.
It would have been so easy to simply smile and tell Pran that nothing was wrong so that Pran wouldn’t worry, but Pat could count on one hand, and not even the whole hand at that, how many times he hadn’t been honest with Pran when something was wrong. Except this time he wasn’t really sure exactly where to start.
Setting his textbook on the nearby coffee table, Pat turned to face Pran fully as he took a few moments to collect his thoughts before speaking and in the end decided to simply say what was on his mind without thinking too much, “You’re gay. No one seems to question that.” He bit his bottom lip briefly before continuing, “But with me most people just assume I’m straight again and it bothers me because I’m not. I never was; it just took me a while to figure it out.” It hadn’t taken Pat long after he’d realized his feelings for Pran to figure out that he was pansexual.
“Pat, did something happen to bring this up?” Pran asked, reaching out to place a comforting hand on Pat’s thigh, gaze never leaving Pat’s face as he spoke.
Based on Pran’s question, Wai hadn’t told him about the incident at lunch and Pat was grateful for that, “Friday, at lunch, we saw that other Architecture student flirting with you.”
A look of realization came over Pran’s face, “Oh Pat, I’m sorry you had to see that.”
Pat shook his head before Pran could start to feel bad about something he’d had no control over, “It wasn’t seeing that that upset me. Trust me, I know that guy has no chance.” A small smirk crossed his lips, but disappeared just as quickly as it had appeared, “What bothered me were these two girls who were talking about it and started talking about how I was straight again so one of them should take their chance.”
Pran gave Pat’s thigh a reassuring squeeze, “Those girls don’t know what they’re talking about. No one does.”
“I know that, but it just really bothers me when people make that assumption about me.” Pat placed his hand over Pran’s on his thigh, “Normally I don’t care what people say about me, you know that, but for some reason I care about this.” After all, it wasn’t the first time Pat had heard someone talk about him like that.
“And that’s totally justifiable, Pat. Have you heard of bisexual or pansexual erasure?” Pat had done a little bit of research on sexualties after he and Pran had started dating and he recalled briefly seeing mention of the term, but hadn’t thought about it until Pran mentioned it and now that he had, he recalled a little of what he’d read about it.
“Yeah, I’ve heard of it. I hadn’t really thought about it until now though. I forgot that there was a name for it,” Having finally talked about what had been bothering him was beginning to make Pat feel a little better. It still bothered him that there were still so many close minded people out there, but he was feeling a little better, “And I know I have no control over what people think about me, but I just wish they wouldn’t make assumptions.”
Pran sighed and squeezed Pat’s thigh again, “I know and I wish I could do more to help.” He reached out with his other hand to brush Pat’s bangs away from his forehead a little.
“You do plenty to help me,” A more genuine smile crossed Pat’s lips at the brush of Pran’s fingers on his forehead and he lifted Pran’s hand from his thigh up to his lips and pressed a kiss to his palm, “Alright, we need to finish our homework now.”
Pran returned the smile and extracted his hand from Pat’s before getting to his feet, “Good idea. I’m almost done with my project, then I’ll start dinner.”
Pat let Pran’s hand go and reached for his long forgotten textbook, “Sounds good.”
***
A few weeks later Pat was sitting in the same spot on the couch, phone in hand as he texted back and forth with Korn about plans to go to the gym the next morning when Pran plopped down next to him, “I have a surprise for you.”
Pat’s face lit up at the word surprise and he left Korn’s last message on read before turning to his boyfriend eagerly, “A surprise? What is it?”
“Put your hand out,” Pran said, his own hand was held out in a closed fist as if he were asking for a fist bump, but it was obvious there was something in his closed hand.
Pat tilted his head, a slightly suspicious look on his face now, but he held his hand out anyway, palm up and Pran proceeded to place a pin in his open palm. The pin looked like a cassette tape and had three lines of color on it; pink, yellow and blue.
“It’s the colors that represent pansexuality.” Pran said, closely watching for Pat’s reaction, “I know that not everyone knows all the different colors, but for those that do, now at least some people will make the right assumption about you.”
As Pat stared down at the colorful enamel pin in his hand, he suddenly felt his throat constrict and before he could try and stop it, his face crumpled and hot tears were streaming down his face. For the first time in his life Pat felt completely, 100% seen. Sure, Pran had always been the one person to understand Pat fully, but this felt different than any of those other times.
When Pat had started crying, Pran had immediately moved to wrap his arms around him, one hand running soothingly through his hair as Pan buried his face in Pran’s neck, “Gross, you’re getting my neck all wet.” His tone was light, clearly able to tell that Pat wasn’t crying because he was upset about the gift and didn’t make any move to try and stop him from crying all over the neck of his shirt.
It took a few moments, but finally Pat’s tears stopped and he lifted his head from Pran’s neck and Pran proceeded to wipe Pat’s cheeks clean of any remaining tears with his thumbs, “Thank you. I can’t really…you don’t know what this means to me.” It was probably silly; getting so worked up about a pin, but to Pat it was just another thing that showed how much Pran loved and understood him.
“You’re welcome. And look, I have one too.” Pran reached into his pocket and pulled out a pin that looked identical except it bore the gay male flag colors.
Pat reached out for Pran’s and put it next to his own in his hand before searching for his forgotten phone. Opening the camera app, he took a few pictures of both pins then handed back Pran’s before taking a few pictures of his own. Once satisfied, he opened up instagram.
“What’re you doing?” Pran asked, moving slightly to try and see exactly what Pat was posting.
“One second.” Deep down he wanted to post one of the pictures of both pins, but they had a facade to keep up for now so instead he used the best picture of his own pin and after pressing ‘Share’, he turned the phone around so Pran could see the picture along with his caption, ’Lets Get One Thing Straight. I’m Not. #PansexualPride’.
“I like it,” Pran’s smile at seeing the post carved his dimples into his cheeks, which only made Pat smile wider, “I love you.”
“I love you too. And thanks.” Looking back at his phone, he noticed that his post already had likes from Pa, Korn and Wai. Putting the phone down on the coffee table, he stood up and headed towards the coat rack on the wall.
Pran watched him, brow furrowing slightly, “What’re you doing?”
“Putting it on my backpack.” Like Pran had said, not everyone was going to know what it meant, but those that did would no longer make the wrong assumption about him and his sexuality if they saw the pin.