Chapter Text
Body - And just like that you are suddenly dragged into the world of the waking...
FIVE (SMELL) - What is that.... burnt smell?
COMMON SENSE [Trivial: Failure] - Did you commit arson in your sleep?????
BODY - You are lying down, surrounded by warm comfort... You are safe in bed.
YOU - Wouldn't the house have burned down if i was doing sleep arson?
COMMON SENSE - Right. Yeah. I guess so.
PROBLEM SOLVING - Wait. If *you* didn't cause that burnt smell, then who did?
CURIOSITY - Only one way to find out!
YOU- (Get up and go downstairs).
–
FIVE (SIGHT) - You see- Oh no.
BENREY - He's stirring... something in a mixing bowl. Bubbles of sweet voice escape his mouth as he sings to himself.
FIVE (SIGHT) - There is a skeleton walking through your, closed, front door. Its arms are full of pinecones.
A FUCKING SKELETON? - That *thing* walks over to Benrey and drops all of its pinecones onto the counter.
BENREY - "dude i asked for *crushed* spikey guys... can't put whole ones in the pancakes"
A FUCKING SKELETON? - It sings sweet voice and lowers its head in shame.
BENREY - He sighs. "i'm not mad... just fix it? please?"
A FUCKING SKELETON? - It nods and scoops up the pinecones.
BENREY - "also you need to hurry... feetman's here"
A FUCKING SKELETON? - The skeleton whips its head around to look at you and then scurries away, dropping a couple pinecones in its haste.
BENREY - His glowing yellow eyes lock on to you. "they're trying their best ya know?"
PROBLEM SOLVING - It appears he trying to make pancakes.
BODY - There is a rumbling deep within you... You should ask him for one.
CURIOSITY - You wonder what all he's putting in them...
COMMON SENSE [Medium: Success] - Are we seriously not gonna mention the fact that *Benrey* is in *your* house? Your sworn enemy Benrey??? HOW DID HE EVEN GET INSIDE??????
MEMORY - Can't he no-clip or something?
PROBLEM SOLVING [Easy: Success] - That's probably how he got in. The real question is *why* is he making pancakes?
YOU - "Benrey. What- Why are you making pancakes in *my* kitchen?!"
BENREY - "huh? do you expect me to make in them your bathroom or somethin?"
YOU - "No! I just- Why are you in my house? Couldn't you have made pancakes in fuckin- i dunno! Tommy's house???"
BENREY - He shrugs. "i guess so"
TEMPER - This fucking guy...
YOU - "Fine! Whatever. Can you at least tell me what ingredients you're using?"
BENREY - "ingredience?"
YOU - "Yeah like eggs, flour, milk... Did you use those?"
BENREY - "oh... i had to replace some things but yeah"
YOU - "Wha- What did you substitute with???"
BENREY - "uhhh it's a secret? yeah secret resippy"
FIVE (SIGHT) [Trivial: Success] - You notice a pile of dirt next to the mixing bowl.
YOU - "That is straight up just dirt!"
BENREY - He looks at the pile. "it's... for the umami"
MEMORY [Medium: Success] - Doesn't dirt have tons of bacteria in it?
YOU - "I'm pretty sure people can get food poisoning from eating dirt."
BENREY - "pssh my pancakes aren't gonna make you sick" He turns to the skeletons behind him. "unless one of these guys forgot to wash their hands"
ANOTHER FUCKING SKELETON?? - It sings some sweet voice then continues messing with the dials on the stove.
BENREY - "better late than never... i guess"
COMMON SENSE [Formidable: Failure] - Wait... Do you even have milk?
MEMORY - No... You ran out yesterday.
YOU - "Where... Benrey where'd you get the milk?"
FIVE (SIGHT) - The whole room seems to freeze.
YOU - "Did- Did you go to the store???"
BENREY - "oh... that would've been easier"
ANOTHER FUCKING SKELETON?? - It beeps a very high pitched note of sweet voice.
FIVE (HEARING) - Ow...
BENREY - "hey... my idea worked just fine"
COMMON SENSE [Impossible: Failure] - ...?
PROBLEM SOLVING - Yeah you've got nothin. Just move on.
YOU - "You used the eggs in the fridge, right?"
BENREY - "nah i thought the cakes would taste better with fresh ones"
YOU - "Please tell me they're from a chicken."
BENREY - "ok? they're from a chichen"
PROBLEM SOLVING - Eh, close enough.
A FUCKING SKELETON? - The pinecone skeleton has returned with a bag. It places the bag on the counter and waits.
BENREY - He takes a piece of broken pinecone and eats it. "hmm... still too tough"
A FUCKING SKELETON - It takes the bag and walks back out of the kitchen.
YOU - "Do I even *want* to know what the pinecones are for?"
BENREY - "whuh?"
YOU - "The fucking- The spiky things your skeleton is getting for you!"
BENREY - "oh those? don't worry about it"
TEMPER - Does every word that comes out of his mouth have to be vague??? Is this guy even capable of being upfront about anything?????
MEMORY - This is nothing new... Benrey has always been this evasive
YOU - "Dude if you don't cut the shit I swear to-"
BENREY - "bro why are you being so mean to me right now? i'm literally making you breakfast and you're all like... rude and questioning my cooking skills..."
YOU - "The only thing you're making is a fucking mess! Do you even- You know that when you're done making your *mud pies* I'm the one who has to clean up after you right??? Do you just not think before you do shit????"
BENREY - He stares into the mixing bowl.
FIVE (HEARING) [Godly: Failure] - Did he say something?
YOU - "What did you say?"
BENREY - "i said: do you?"
YOU - "OF COURSE I-"
PROBLEM SOLVING - No no... He's got a point.
MEMORY - Remember that time when Dr. Coomer asked you-
TEMPER - Hey! We don't talk about *that* time.
YOU - "I uh... huh I guess not. But like... This whole breaking into my house to surprise me with pancakes thing? I'm not cool with that."
BENREY - He lifts his head up to look at you.
FIVE (SIGHT) - What the fuck is going on with his eyes right now? Looks like a goddamn oil spill or something, the fuck?
BLEEDING HEART - Oh shit is he about to cry??????
PROBLEM SOLVING - Fix this. Now.
:CHECK FAILURE:
COMMON SENSE [Easy: Failure] - uhhh
YOU - "Hey. Don't cry. 1 million copies of Heavenly Sword on earth ok?"
TEMPER - What the fuck was that?
YOU - I don't know! I panicked!
FIVE (SIGHT) - Shut up! He's doing something!
BENREY - His shoulders are shaking and he's covering his face with his hands.
PROBLEM SOLVING - Shit.
TEMPER - Oh good fucking job Gordon! You always-
BENREY - He suddenly bursts out laughing. His arms move to hold his stomach.
FIVE (SIGHT) - You see multicolored balls streaming from his eyes towards the ceiling. The look on his face-
BODY [Challenging: Successful] - The look of pure joy on his face makes you want to run and hide. It makes you want to stop and stare.
FIVE (HEARING) - The sound of his static-y cackle mixing with the occasional note of sweet voice is pure music to your ears.
COMMON SENSE - This is nice and all but...
MEMORY - Right. The kitchen...
BENREY - His laughter slowly dies down. "i um... i'll help you clean up"
YOU - "...Really? Like you'll actually- You want to help?"
BENREY - "huh? yeah sure" He tilts his head up and sings a few notes of sweet voice.
FIVE (SIGHT) - All three of Benrey's skeletons stand at attention in front of him.
BENREY - "ok change of plans..."
—
COMMON SENSE - That went... surprisingly well.
PROBLEM SOLVING - You did have to show them how to do a few things but overall-
BODY - You barely had to lift a finger! Gordon win!
BLEEDING HEART [Easy: Success] - You should offer to make him breakfast! Ya know, as a show of gratitude!
BODY - You still hunger for panned cakes...
BENREY - "your uh... your kitchen's all clean now" He scratches the back of his neck. "i should leave"
BLEEDING HEART - No!!!!!!
YOU - "NO"
BENREY - He flinches. "whuh-"
YOU - "I MEAN UH- Don't go yet! Didn't you wanna make pancakes? I can show you how they're actually made! And then we can eat them! For breakfast! In my house!"
TEMPER - Man... What is with you today?
BENREY - He stares blankly at you.
FIVE (HEARING) [Formidable: Success] - You hear a sharp intake of breath.
CURIOSITY - Did you know that a gasp like that can indicate that a person is dying? It's called agonal breathing and-
COMMON SENSE [Trivial: Failure] - Oh god... You said something so stupid that it killed him!
TEMPER - Hey! It's *dying* not *dead* idiot.
PROBLEM SOLVING - Hothead is right. You should ask him if he's dying.
YOU - "ARE YOU DYING??????"
BENREY - He's instantly broken out of his stupor. "what? no i... you really want me to stay?"
BLEEDING HEART - Yes!!!!!!!!!
YOU - "Yeah? Dude you literally cleaned my whole kitchen for me. I can't just- It's like- Fuck I dunno. Pancakes."
BENREY - He smiles. "pancakes"