Chapter Text
“Hyung! Hurry the fuck up,” Niki said. “Ugh, we’ll miss it!” he adds, showing no intention of slowing down.
“Okay, first of all, fucking watch your mouth, and second of all, where the fuck are we going ??” I responded, trailing off on the last word as I was pulled aggressively through a group of teens walking in front of us, barely missing bumping into them along the way. “Niki, calm down!”
“Sunoo-hyung we’re going to miss it, we’re going to miss it,” Niki mumbled almost to himself. “This is all your fault for taking too long to meet me at the station.”
“I had an emergency!” I replied, which of course was a lie because the matter of the fact is I actually overslept. “And, what are we going to miss? I thought we came here to go karaoke? Niki, slow down, please. I need to catch my breath,” I begged.
And he did as requested. I rested the palm of my hands on my knees as I heaved to redeem a normal breathing pattern. I glanced at culprit that dragged me mercilessly, who still stood upright, unfazed by the sprint. He was looking intently at whatever was in front of us in anticipation and then looked at his apple watch. I heaved in annoyance.
“Fuck you…gasp…fuck you…and,” I stood up from slouching down and recovered my posture. “Fuck you.”
“Hyung,” Niki called which caught my attention. “Hyung, look!” he added excitedly as he pointed at the large LED billboard situated above building we were standing right in front of.
Time froze.
My hand shot up to cover my gaping mouth on impulse as I exhaled a shaky breath.
“Oh my gosh,” I whispered.
‘Happy birthday Kim Sunoo!’ was written digitally in pink and blue characters across the LED screen. Cute animations decorated the banner all around a picture of me, taken by Niki a year ago, when my hair was still chestnut blond. I was doing aegyo in the photo which I remember Niki specifically told me not to do at the time because he said I looked silly, but I still heard the camera shutter irregardless. The ad played for a few more seconds before changing to an advertisement for some coffee brand.
“Oh my gosh,” I whispered, breathless. I turned to look at Niki, who was staring at me expectantly, eyes bright like a kid waiting to be praised for a job well done. “Niki,” I almost cooed as I my eyes watered and my breath hitched.
“So, did you like it?” he asked despite having known the answer. He steps closer to me, his arms slowly extending, ready to receive me in a hug. “Did you like it, Hyung?” he repeated, a hint of smugness.
“Niki!!!” I ran to his embrace and wailed. I felt him enclose his arms around my waist as I latched mine around his neck, burying my face on his broad shoulder. “I love it! Thank you so much! I’m so happy I could kiss you right now,” I said.
“Awe come on, stop. It’s nothing,” he responded, clearly pleased, eating up all the praises that I was incessantly throwing at him. “I’m glad you liked my gift. Happy birthday, Sun-hyung! ”
I departed from the hug and playfully slapped his arm, barely noticing the wet spot I left on his jacket from the few stray tears that escaped. “I told you not to put too much effort on my birthday,” I chastised.
“Says the one who’s crying right now,” he teased.
“Well I’m very grateful,” I replied in defense.
“At least you’re happy. It’s not all the time you get to enjoy your 19th birthday and have your birthday ad on an LED billboard; in Busan nonetheless,” Niki said, palms raised at his sides to feign nonchalance.
“I know. I’m so happy, Niki. Thank you so much,” I reached out to hug him again quickly. “I hope you didn’t spend too much on that. Did you?”
“Got a deal for 400,000 KRW for a 10-second video!” He replied excitedly. I choked on my breath as I unlatched my arms to face him.
“What?!” I yelled in exasperation.
“Hyung, you got to admit, it was worth the price,” Niki defends himself, both his hands settling on either side of my shoulders. “There’s another gift for you, too.”
I looked at him, confused. “What?” I asked. “There’s more?”
His eyes glance at someone behind me as if urging them to show themselves. “Your other surprise, hyung,” Niki continued, as his hands on my shoulders maneuvered me to turn around. I allowed my eyes to search for a moment before they settled on a familiar figure that was walking straight toward us.
The gait of a person I once acknowledged every morning, a nostalgic memory of my childhood, which I thought I wouldn’t have to uncover this soon. The closer the person came, the details of him that I passively memorized throughout the years greeted me like an old friend; the slight limp from a previous ice skating injury, the aloof swaying of shoulders upon each step, the eyes that squint even at the slightest gust of wind, the thick dark hair that remains tamed, neat, and proper. His long masculine arms opened to welcome me in a hug, calling out to me with a voice that I swore dropped an octave since the last time we met.
“Sunoo-ya,” the call.
“Hoon-hyung!” the response.
I ran with the eagerness to that of a dog to its owner. I heard a slight ‘umph’ from Hoon-hyung at the impact but still proceeded to enclose his arms around me and lift me off the ground slightly for show.
Hoon-hyung was my childhood friend much earlier than Ni-ki and I were. We grew up in the same neighborhood since we were in diapers, and our mothers were gossip buddies. It was inevitable that we became playmates by association. Growing up, hoon-hyung was a tiny little boy who got sick at the slightest draft of wind. I was a year younger than him but back then I was much taller, so I used to fight off his bullies at school. He hated his mother’s cooking so he always took a bit of my packed lunch in exchange for tutoring me in Math, despite him being horrible at it as well. We were inseparable at a point, finding solace in no one else but each other.
However, that changed when we turned teenagers and he grew much taller and more handsome. The sudden growth spurt had made him clumsier, clearly unused to his long limbs. And the unusual amount of attention he was getting from everyone had pushed him further into his shell where he shied away from the world. It was only me he spoke with, walked with, and bonded with, until he fell in love with two new things in his life: figure skating, and his girlfriend.
Hoon-hyung had been going to skating lessons all his life but never had given it any special regard. It was merely his mom projecting her frustrations onto her son. But one of the girls in his class confessed to him and then one thing led to another, and I was out of the picture. He focused more on training with his ice skating friends and canceled all our hang-out sessions with poor excuses. Besides the initial offense that I took at being excluded by him for the first time, I did not dwell on the feeling. I was too busy prioritizing other things. Namely, myself.
I got the chance of being taken in by an agency when I turned 13, it was where I met Niki.
“Did you miss me?” I asked Hoon-hyung after letting go. My hands rested on the base of his neck where I took the chance to see how much he’s changed in the past year.
“Of course, Sunoo-ya” he replied with a slight smile, looking down at me. “Did I surprise you?”
“Duh, of course!” I said. “You’ve grown so much, hyung. I didn’t even know it was your off-time in the military. Literally, no one told me. Did you reach out to anyone?” I asked as I glanced at Niki who was standing a few meters away, his expression unreadable at first before it morphed into a pleased one, as he walked over to us.
“Yes,” Hoon-hyung replied. “I knew your birthday was coming and I wanted to surprise you. Turns out Niki was planning a surprise for you, too,” He shoots Niki a glance. “So I decided to go with the flow.”
The smile on my face gets wider at the thought of all of this being preordained. I thrived at the thought of monopolizing everyone’s attention.
“My gift was way better though,” Niki chimed in with a challenging tone that did not escape my ears.
“Too cheesy,” Hoon-hyung taunted. Niki rolls his eyes and acted as if he was going to kick Hoon in his shin, which the latter quickly evades.
When he was at the peak of his figure skating career, Hoon-hyung made one bad landing that terribly halted any future in the sport. At the time, Hoon-hyung had been thoroughly depressed and his then-girlfriend was not patient enough to grant him the much-needed consolation. I vaguely remember him knocking on my front door, crying and on his crutches, wailing like a child as if his life was over. He received a good beating from me back then. Niki had been with me at that time, his first time visiting my home, and his first time meeting Hoon-hyung as well, so I was beyond embarrassed. His family then decided that Hoon-hyung would best distract himself by completing his military time and figuring out his life in the meantime.
“So, where’s my gift then?” I asked Hoon-hyung. His eyes widened ever so slightly.
“U-um, right here?” he gestured to himself. “My presence is enough for a gift,” he said. “Is it not?” he added.
“How fucking disrespectful,” I said playfully hitting his shoulder, which to my observation was now clad with hard muscle.
“I’m just kidding. Here,” Hoon-hyung took out a bouquet from the inner pockets of his jacket, the flowers slightly battered from the tight space. “I’ll buy you a bigger bouquet when we get the chance to hang out soon,” he said as I rolled my eyes playfully.
“Thank you, hyung! No need. I love them,” I reassured him. Niki cleared his throat beside me.
“We still have a reservation at the karaoke bar. It’s best we go before the appointment,” Niki said before turning his back to us, not waiting for a response. I followed him promptly, eager to catch up to him. I heard Hoon-hyung do the same.
The night was spent song after song as our parched throats were quenched by bottles of hard liquor. Gone was the initial awkwardness, which was now replaced by the unabashed clinginess of both young adults I was with; towards me, towards each other, the edge of the table, and God knows what else. I myself am trying my best to stay conscious in hopes of at least bringing all of us into our hotel room safely, which I booked when I knew we wouldn’t be able to come home without a broken bone.
When we were notified that our time was up, Hoon-hyung was quick to argue for an extension for the nth time but I covered his mouth and quickly apologized to the staff for the crass behavior, confirming that we were about to leave. I told Ni-ki to help me keep the bottles that littered the table and place them at the side but he was long gone, fast asleep while the disco lights illuminated the expanse of his handsome face. I groaned in frustration as I decided to slap some sense into the older of the two, who was punching buttons in the remote despite the machine being off.
“This was not how I imagined my birthday would be,” I said under my breath as I stole the remote from Hoon-hyung, much to his dismay.
“Hey! I was using that,” he complained and reached out for it as I hid it behind my back. “I think I broke it.”
“Nuh-uh, no more. We’re going home,” I replied, as I transferred the remote to my other hand when he almost caught it in the other. “And it’s not broken. The staff is literally forcing us out of here with the amount of ruckus you guys have caused.”
“Sunoo-yah~” Hoon-hyung drawled as he nearly begged to be consoled like the petulant child that he is.
“No! I swear to God, hyung. I’m gonna fart on your fucking face,” I stomped, my annoyance getting the best of me. Hoon-hyung stopped upon hearing me yell. A sly smirk forms on his lips, a familiar sight to the childhood we had long ago.
“Haha… Sunoo-yah…” He says while stepping closer. I held the remote tighter behind me with both hands as he towered over me. His long arms caged me as I unknowingly get backed up against the wall. Shit. He leans a little bit, just enough for me to smell the alcohol on his breath and a whiff of his favorite perfume. “You’re still very cute when you’re mad, Sunoo-yah,” he whispers. “Can you give me the remote, please?” he gently pleads as he leans his head to my shoulders. I shook my head.
“Hyung, we’re supposed to leave now. It’s past midnight and they’re about to close,” I reasoned as if talking to a child.
“But Sunoo-yah…” his knees died on him as he leaned his entire weight on me, his nose tickling my ear. I was not unfamiliar with this kind of behavior from him as this had not been the first time we had seen each other get drunk. He once taught me all the cool things he’d learned from his much cooler friends. However, something tells me this was not like those moments.
As I held the remote a bit loosely, about to give up so I can continue cleaning the room, his hands that helped support his weight against the wall slowly slid down as they traveled around my waist. I thought he might intend to steal the remote but he didn’t. Instead, his body pulled me impossibly closer to him as his arms around me tightened, his slow breaths fanning the valley of my neck. I froze in confusion as I felt myself get embarrassingly hot from the proximity. “You still smell so good, Sunoo-yah. Like lemons. I love lemons.”
He obnoxiously breathed me in as he pressed his nose to my neck. I shivered against him, almost shyly, not used to the pleasure. “Hyung, stop that. That tickles,” I forced myself to say despite myself. My arms shot to his chest to push him away but he used it as an opportunity to dive into a hug and pull me in using my wrists.
“Hmm, I missed you so much, Sunoo-yah,” he whispers against my neck as he forces my arms to latch around his. He stayed silent as he continued to inhale a few whiffs against my hair like a drug. My eyes widened at the intimate position that we were in. I did not know how to react. I was not as experienced in this as hyung was. I’m not sure I should even be doing this with hyung at all.
But I willed myself to savor the embrace, the softness of hyung’s hair, his broad shoulders where my cheek rested, his muscled torso that was pressed against mine, and his arms that seemingly refused to let me go. The room is silent save for the muffled noise of music next door and the hum of the AC.
Like a hazy dream, I was reminded of when I first discovered affection that was much greater than friendship. Most especially, I was reminded of the subject of that affection.
Hoon-hyung. My hoonie. The ever clumsy, no-thought-behind-those-eyes kid who grew into a man magically through summer break.
I was shocked by my newfound desire to touch him at the time, catching myself every time before doing so. The premature growth of muscles and masculine features blossomed on his pre-adolescent body like a promise and it demanded attention. I am almost surprised that I had not gotten caught ogling at him even once. The funniest thing was that hyung was so oblivious to everything and had never paid any mind as if we were still those toddlers who played with dirt in our yard. But to me, at the time, his hugs left me a bit warmer upon departure.
The way he held my wrist when we crossed the road, or the way he ruffled my hair and teased me about our height difference, it was all so endearing and so arousing that I felt so guilty every time we spoke. Like I was betraying him and the years we shared. I was so scared he would find out. Or if the others noticed. Or if our parents noticed.
And so I withdrew from our friendship conveniently at the same time hyung became too busy with his own life. Not once did I wish for him to return my feelings. Not once did I consider the possibility, or pursue the theory that maybe–just maybe–my feelings can be reciprocated. Loved him silently, like I always have.
And that’s why it scares me, that until now, as hyung caresses me like a long-lost lover, those feelings had never gone. Just buried beneath everything that kept me busy.
“Hyung, please let go. You’re hugging me too tightly,” I stuttered.
“My Sunoo,” he whispers against my neck. I felt something snap in me. He continued as he pecked the clothed skin against his lips, “Don’t you miss your hyung?”
“Of course I did, hyung,” I replied carefully. “I missed you very much. But we need to go, okay? We have to get home safe,” I ran my hands through his hair which always seemed to tame him.
“Hmm,” his chest vibrated. “You were always good at that,” he starts. “Changing the subject,” he finished. “You always confuse me. Why is it that I am the only one confused?” his hands teased the skin that peaked beneath the hem of my shirt that he had ridden upwards. What?
“What?” I voiced.
“What I’m trying to say is,” he says as his lips brush my ear. “You’re so fucking hot Sunoo-yah,” he bites it gently, to which I gasped, and then places a wet kiss on the spot. His lips trailed down my neck with open-mouthed kisses, his tongue grazing upon his path. Calloused hands rubbed circles on the soft skin of my hips, the mere friction sent shivers down my spine.
It was taking a while to register as I held back a moan. Denial. I wanted to deny the presumption of what he just told me. He will take back what he said tomorrow. He’ll say he was drunk. He’ll say it was a mistake. He’ll ask me to forget. And then he’ll leave me. I don’t want that.
I closed my eyes to think but my head was too preoccupied with his hot breath on my neck.
“I’ve always wondered…” he whispered. I was about to ask him what but got surprised.
“Ah!” I jumped as his sharp canine nudged a sensitive part of my neck. My hands impulsively gripped a handful of his hair which he noticed.
“Found it,” he smirked and kisses the spot. “Did I hurt you baby?” he says as his hands travel further beneath my shirt and rest on my back feeling my skin, his arms wounding around my waist and leaving it burning from his touch.
“Hyung…” I exhaled, legs jelly and lips half parted in waves of pleasure.
“What, baby? Tell me what you want,” he said as he stood back to stare at me, his hands cradling my face. He maneuvers me to look up and face him. Our noses touched from the proximity and I could smell tequila mixed with our breaths. Baby . The endearment sounded so awkward and unfamiliar coming from him but it felt satisfying.
“U-Uhm,” I stuttered. “I d-don’t know hyung.”
“Impossible,” he responded. The palms of his hands were calloused with heavy labor but the roughness of it caressed the skin on my cheeks so gently that I thought it to be uncharacteristically contrary. His eyes stared at me, half-hooded with liquor but bright with the heat of lust. They bore themselves to mine in anticipation as it alternates from looking at my eyes and my lips.
My hands trembled and weakened with the emotion that I was not able to exhaust after all these years. They fell from the tendrils of his hair and rested on his nape, and then slid down to his shoulders and stopped to lightly push his hard chest, lying to myself. “Hyung,” I started. “W-what? I-I don’t–,” I said, just above a whisper.
“Yes, baby?”
“Stop calling me that,” I slapped his chest lightly.
He chuckled deeply, his chest vibrating against my palms. His grin reminded me of why I had never ever forgotten. He nods to himself as if understanding that I could not form a coherent train of thought at the moment. Our foreheads touch. “Sunoo-yah,” he start. “I’ve had some time to think.”
“About what?”
“About–” he caught himself gulping like he always does when he’s nervous. “About how I feel.”
“About how you feel?”
“Hmm,” he hummed and nodded. His eyes turned away and stared down to where my hands met his chest. His lips pouted by habit. I counted a few breaths, holding mine in, before I heard him speak again.
“I like you, Sun,” he whispered for both our souls to hear. My heart seemed to stop beating. “I love you, Sun.”
His eyes met mine again. Shy. Careful. Anticipating. He loved me. He said he loved me.
I wanted to cry from the overwhelming ringing in my ears. I had to remind myself to breathe otherwise I’m afraid I would have fainted. Did I expect this? Not one bit. I had always thought hyung didn’t think. He just did things as he went by because that’s how he always was. He was always predictable like that.
“Since when?” I pushed words out of my mouth.
“I don’t know,” his eyes glazed from his attempt to reminisce. “I’ve known you for so long. I’ve always thought I just felt normal. But you suddenly weren’t around all the time… I thought I did something wrong but, I don’t know. I really don’t know, Sun.”
It would take another moment and another. We stared into each other’s eyes for what seemed to be hours. In his eyes were the deep trenches under a dark sea that I have long drowned in. I have been continuously drowning for the longest time.
“Hyung…” I say, my words were sparse. I did not know what to do with his feelings now that I held them in my hands. I had not asked for it. I had not wished for this.
He murmured an echo of my name before he closed his eyes and slowly leaned in. My eyes closed on their own accord as I felt warm lips landing on my own. This exact moment. I knew it already, the moment we kissed.
I suddenly felt his lips move sensually against mine and I could not help but savor it for what it is. Our first kiss. I copied the movement of his lips hesitantly, causing him to tilt his head to accommodate more of me, teaching me how to do it, maneuvering me to follow his pace. My hands, which were once resting on his chest, were now gripping the fabric of his shirt. He nibbled on my bottom lip to which his fang unintentionally grazed, causing me to gasp a gentle moan against his lips. He took the opportunity to enter my mouth.
“Hmm… hyung,” I gasped at the unfamiliar pleasure that it gave me and my hands jutted in surprise to grip his shoulders. His tongue was wet and languid against my own and the feeling aroused me even more.
I can taste the hints of tequila in our kiss. Hyung’s hands removed themselves from my face and were now gripping my hips, pulling me closer to him, his thigh grinding against my crotch. “Ugh, hyung, wait,” I tried to say before my lips were drowned in his kisses as he sucked my tongue. I let out another audible moan.
“You taste so good, Sunoo yah,” he whispered as he held my hips and heaved me upwards like a doll, my back against the wall and my legs wrapped around his hips automatically. His hands landed on my ass to support me. I could feel the throbbing boner against mine. “I’ve waited for this,” he says as he kisses me again. I let him ravish me again, his kisses becoming more and more aggressive by the moment. My arms were now tightly wrapped around his neck as if I could not get enough of his tongue. More, please.
I unintentionally grinded my hips against his as he sucked on my tongue again. A wave of pleasure hits me as I feel him grinding back and the way my cock rubs against the fabric of my clothes was making me lose my senses. Hyung continued to suck on whatever sanity was left in him.
“Hmm… fuck, Sunoo… Sunoo… Tell me what you want, baby,” he continued to grind against me as our breaths mixed between us.
“Hmm.. hyung,” I managed to whisper. His hands suddenly squeezed my ass to get a response. “Ah! Hmmph,” I buried my face in his shoulder to muffle my moans. I could feel our moaning and panting getting louder and there was no music to hide it. My eyes scanned the room. Riki was still lying on the couch asleep and I could not afford for him to wake up. But he squeezed my ass harder making me yelp and bite the skin against my lips. “Hyung… hyung… please.”
“Answer me, baby,” he whispered, his voice deep and demanding. His hands kneaded my ass as he stared at me intensely. Our foreheads touched for a moment, both catching our breaths, and then he gently pecked my lips, and then the tip of my nose, my cheeks, my neck, again and again.
“Hyung, I-I–,” I was cut off.
Suddenly, the sound of glass breaking filled the room, breaking the tension.
I gasped and turned to the sound where I saw Niki crouched against the edge of the table. Beneath him were shards of broken glass from a bottle he probably hit in his attempt to stand up.
“Ni-ki!” I yelled. I shrugged off Hoon-hyung’s grip around my waist and hastily attended to the other boy. “Jesus Christ. Hey, are you okay? Are you hurt? Why would you drink this much? You know you have a low tolerance to alcohol. Shit, your mom’s gonna kill me.”
Somehow while I was endlessly berating the half-unconscious 6-foot-plus giant, I managed to pull him upright and hung his left arm across my shoulders for support.
“Ugh…” Ni-ki groaned and leaned his head against mine. “Hyung… go home… want to-“
“That’s the plan, you idiot. Now pull yourself together and cooperate.”
“Not… feeling… good-“
“Don’t you dare throw up on me!”
I adjusted my grip on his wrist to accommodate the additional weight, taking a few steps at a time toward the door. I scanned the room and the mess and cursed at how much trouble we would be in if we didn’t clean everything up asap. So I turned to Hoon-hyung, almost hesitantly. He had his back to Ni-ki and me, clearly indicating that he had not moved an inch since our exchange a few seconds ago.
“H-hoon hyung,” I called gently.
“Yeah?”
“Let’s go get you guys to the hotel room,” I added. There was a pause before he responded.
“You guys go ahead,” he replied.
“What? No, I have to put you guys to bed hyung. Come on-“
“Just,” he audibly exhaled. “Leave me here for a bit, Sun.”
"O-okay," I gave in. "I-I'll be back, okay?" I just have to put him in bed. It took a moment, and then another. "Hyung?"
He did not respond. I decided to leave him first and focus on the behemoth of a human being that leaned over my frame. I'll be back. We'll talk, Hyung.