Chapter Text
Joshua braced his hands on either side of the sink and looked at himself in the mirror. He prided himself on his ability to stay calm in any situation, and to soothe tension in others. In himself that was more difficult. He could feel himself on the edge of panic.
Joshua Hong had a secret. Today, he was laying that secret bare at the feet of his members. And he needed his superpower today more than ever: to stay calm. He trusted the members; they wouldn’t make this hard for him.
Still.
“What,” he asked himself, “am I doing here?” He took a deep breath, and splashed some water on his face, before giving his reflection a reassuring nod and walking out into the dorm communal area.
Seungcheol was the only person there, sprawled on the couch with a beer in one hand and an iPad in the other. He looked up at Joshua, waving the iPad.
“I’m reading the character sheet you made,” he said, and Joshua gave him a warm smile as he sat down on the floor at the head of the coffee table and set out his screen, his map, his notebook with his campaign notes, his own iPad, and - finally - the rolled-up square of leather that held one of his most precious and secret possessions: his dice. He was just clipping his dice-tray into shape when the door behind him swung open and Jeonghan announced himself to the room, Hansol on his heels.
“Thanks for coming,” Joshua said gratefully, knowing he sounded needy now but he really was happy they were here. Hansol always put him at ease. He tapped Joshua companionably on the shoulder as he passed and dropped down on his right, just beyond the screen. Jeonghan went straight to the fridge for some beers and on the way back tried to pick up one of Joshua’s dice, and get a peek at his notes.
“Sit down,” Joshua said, laughing.
“I just want to see the dice,” Jeonghan said, flopping onto the couch next to Seungcheol and drawing his legs up under himself. Seungcheol put his beer on the table in front of him and draped an arm over the back of the sofa and Jeonghan, almost unconsciously like it was second-nature to him. Joshua sighed in mock exasperation (because he never did get exasperated with Jeonghan) and handed over the d20. Jeonghan inspected it thoroughly, showing it to Seungcheol before he handed it back and took out his own tablet.
“Is this right?” he asked Joshua, handing over his character sheet. "Did I fill it out correctly?" Joshua took the tablet, skimming the stats and the inventory items. He had spent hours making a simple character sheet for the members, one they could easily understand and edit themselves. Jeonghan's sheet was complete, of course. He may have ribbed Joshua mercilessly for suggesting that they play this game, but he knew how much it meant to Joshua too and had at least looked up enough about the game to understand how to get started.
Hansol handed over his sheet, and Joshua raised an eyebrow at it.
“This is what you’re calling yourself?”
“I’m not very good at stuff like this, hyung.” Hansol was playing with the unopened beer can Jeonghan had handed him, turning it around and around on the table before reaching into the bowl of chips in the centre and scooping out a handful that could pass for a full meal for anybody else. Jeonghan tutted, leaning forward and refilling the bowl from a bag at his feet.
“When do we start?” Hansol asked Joshua. Seungcheol, finished going over his own sheet, sat up straighter, looking expectantly around the room.
"Who else is joining us?" he asked. “Is this it?”
Joshua fiddled with his phone and didn't answer the question. He turned it off and set it under the table so he wouldn’t be disturbed. He was even more nervous now. It was like stage nerves that could only be eased by actually going on stage. They needed to get started.
"Seungkwan said he was coming," Hansol said.
"He's... not," Joshua said with what he hoped was a consoling smile. The text that he had left unread on his powered-off phone meant that he was a bare moment ahead of Hansol in learning that Seungkwan had bowed out at the last moment. Joshua was well-liked by all of the members, but he was sure that this wasn’t even nearly the kind of activity Hansol would put himself forward for without some prompting from the others. He looked now like he was about to bolt from the room, but stayed put with only a panicked look at the door which, at that moment, burst open as Soonyoung charged into the room.
“Hoshi’s here!” he announced excitedly, then looked around. “Isn’t Jihoon coming?”
Joshua bit his lip, holding his smile on his face. “Well, the others said they might be busy…” he said, as Soonyoung deposited himself on the other side of the table, facing Joshua.
“Ah.” Soonyoung looked around the space a little awkwardly. “Well, I think he was in the studio all day,” he supplied, clearly hoping to spare Joshua’s feelings.
"Jihoon said he'd rather stay up all night and stream a lecture about his favourite anime to carats. But I think he was serious so don't take that personally," Jeonghan said, with the air of one who didn't care if Joshua took it personally or not. Joshua rolled his eyes at him and Jeonghan grinned. There was no malice in it, just their usual ribbing and teasing that always put Joshua at ease. It was kind of working now.
Soonyoung took a little time to get settled, standing up and sitting down half a dozen times to get a drink, to use the bathroom, to find a cushion, to run back upstairs for his tablet, and then another round of standing up and sitting down before he finally looked up, a little impatiently, and told Joshua that he was, in fact, ready.
Joshua barely noticed all of this activity. He was skimming his notes again, quieting his nerves for good. It had been a long time since he had even played the game, and even longer since he was the Dungeon Master. Over the last week and a half, he had bothered his old high-school party group chat incessantly, asking for reminders and tips and fielding ideas that he could use on this campaign, the first campaign he had ever written himself.
And now, it was time to go. Now, his secret was out and he was ready to announce to the members at large, or at least the ones gathered here, that
“It’s time to play Dungeons & Dragons. ”