Work Text:
Ⅰ
An had a problem. Not to be overdramatic, but she had just realised how completely and irrevocably in love she was with her best friend.
Kohane was sitting across the table from her, blowing on her after-practice tea. Baby hairs stuck to her forehead with sweat, and her hat and coat were discarded on the table in between them. Her brown eyes were tilted down at her tea, lashes fluttering. An was propping herself up with an elbow, basking in the smell of the coffee shop and presence of good company.
Well, okay company. Akito was beside An, making irritated noises that, judging from her Akito Sound Sensor, were a mix of disgusted and exasperated. She didn’t care much to know what it was about. Toya and him were exchanging looks and quiet conversation as they ate their food. An was waiting for her coffee, and as she often did, filled the empty time by looking at her friend.
Kohane didn’t do anything different, she just took a tentative sip of tea, like she did with every cup of tea after every practice since Vivid BAD SQUAD had started meeting at Crase Cafe. An didn’t do anything different, just watched her cool her tea down while she waited for her order like she did every time Kohane ordered tea after every practice since they had started meeting here. Her soft hair, pulled up into those adorable pigtails. Her soft smile and golden brown eyes that made warmth pool in An’s chest when she looked at her. Her fingers, constantly moving, tapping at the side of her teacup, twisting the hem of her shirt.
Her lips, a hint chapped from winter air and singing.
They were normal thoughts, nothing so special. An regularly had thoughts about Kohane. She’s so beautiful, I want us to be together forever, she’s my best friend, she’s my favourite person in the world, she’s so talented, she’s kind, she’s cute, I’d kiss her. Platonically, of course. People kissed their friends on the cheek all the time. Of course Kohane was kind and talented; those were qualities everyone looked for in a friend.
Everything was normal, until it wasn’t.
Meiko handed An her coffee, and An thanked her. She glanced back up at Kohane before picking up her cup, and Kohane looked up. Their eyes met briefly, and An smiled softly at the bubbly warmth in her torso.
Absent-mindedly, she less said, more breathed, “I love you.”
Softly, quietly, a heart’s whisper.
It wasn’t even loud enough to reach across the table to Kohane, who it was meant for. There was a pang in her chest as she realised that.
She took a sip of her coffee when whatever thought-to-reaction delay Akito had, who was right next to her and clearly heard, caught up.
“What?” he said, head snapping around.
An’s own action-to-thought delay seemed to catch up then too. It hit her like a bucket of scalding water to the face, and she choked on her coffee. I’m in love with her. I’m in love with Kohane.
Through hacking and coughing, she managed to choke out a pained “nothing!”, tears in her eyes as Akito thumped her back roughly. Meiko was hovering around their table and Kohane was half stood up out of her seat, hands flying around as she tried to help. After half a minute of coughing and lots of fussing from Kohane and incredulous remarks from Akito, An regained her composure. She was pretty sure there was coffee in her nose now.
“Yeah, nothing,” She felt like her thoughts were moving through molasses as her mind turned its new revelation over and over, trying to make sense of it.
Akito raised a skeptical eyebrow at her, not convinced. Later, An could only hope he’d give her a practice or two before he bugged her about it.
Ⅱ
“So you’re saying you have romantic feelings for Kohane…” Akito summarised. As An had expected, the other shoe had dropped and Akito asked if they could hang out alone after practice. They were sitting in a cafe along Vivid street, drinking coffee as An reluctantly explained to Akito.
“Yeah,” An nodded, a little impatient. This was slow, even for Akito.
“... And you only now just figured it out?” He finished his sentence, smirking as she gasped, offended.
“What does that mean?” she demanded.
“It means that you literally spend five solid minutes at least staring at Kohane every day. It’s gross, and obvious. The only person later to the party than you is Kohane.” Akito screwed up his face, trying to communicate as vividly as possible his feelings about the situation. An glared at her croissant, cheeks hot.
“Okay, great, everyone knows except me. Do you have anything useful to say or did you just bring me here to make fun of me?” An ripped off a bit of croissant. Akito let out a long sigh.
“Just tell her. You’re always honest with her about everything else, ‘I want to sing with you forever, Kohane’, and ‘there’s no other partner I’d rather have’.” He raised his voice to a hideously inaccurate imitation of An’s own. She balled up her napkin and threw it at him. It bounced off his forehead and back onto the table, and he hid a snicker.
“It’s not that simple,” she grumbled, “you literally just pointed it out, I want Kohane as my singing partner forever. I don’t want her to feel awkward.” She looked Akito in the eyes, unblinking, “you know her, she’s going to feel awful that she doesn’t like me back and it’ll mess everything up. I don’t want a high school crush to wreck the group, no thank you.”
“You’re babying her,” Akito met her gaze head-on, scowling. “You’re right, she’d feel bad, but she wouldn’t let the group fall apart. She’s better than that and you should know it. You’re not giving her enough credit. If you’re going to be a coward, be honest.”
An opened her mouth to rebut him, not sure what to say.
“You don’t have much to worry about though. She looks like she’s going to drop dead on the spot whenever you compliment her, you two are painfully dense.” Akito mellowed out, waving a hand in the air to dismiss her concerns.
“...you really think she likes me back?” An asked, hope blooming in her chest.
“There’s only one way to find out,” Akito shrugged, grinning impishly and picking up his drink. “Hope you aren’t too chicken.” An stood up, sending him an ireful look.
“Whatever, you owe me coffee. Bye.”
An walked out of the coffee shop a lot more fired up than when she walked in, but with a goal. As much as Akito annoyed her, she had to admit he had a strange knack with people. Or maybe a knack for oversimplifying, but it worked in this scenario.
An took out her phone, contemplating her reflection on the black screen. She was always honest with Kohane. She didn’t entirely trust Akito’s account that Kohane liked her back, but she wouldn’t know until she asked.
She should just.
Do it.
Stopping outside her dad’s cafe, she hit Kohane’s name in her contacts before she could back out.
She waited through two long, agonizing rings before Kohane picked up the phone.
“Hi-” the other end started.
“Kohane, I like you,” An blurted out before the words got too stuck in her throat, “uh, romantically. I really like you, and I just wanted to know if you, uh, like me back or anything. I don’t care if you do or don’t but I just wanted to. Say it. So, you know, if-”
“Uh, An?” A voice on the other end of the line said, raising their voice uncertainty over An’s disjointed confession.
A voice much deeper than Kohane’s high pitched tone.
The voice of another one of An’s friends who had a name starting with “A”.
Calling Akiyama Mizuki for 00:32
An let a small strangled noise out of the back of her throat as Mizuki chuckled.
“So… Kohane-chan, then?” Mizuki said, bemused. They paused before adding, “this is the wrong number.”
“Yeah,” An wheezed, throat tight. “I’m going to, uh- have a nice day, Mizuki.” Please forget this ever happened.
An was sure her hands were going to shake right out of their skin as she fumbled the key to the lock and walked into the cafe with numb legs. No more love confessions for today, for her sake.
Ⅲ
An decided to forgo the cell phone this time, not wanting another wrong number disaster. Mizuki had also advised her to do it in person over a slightly mortifying lunch they had. Well, mortifying at first. Afterwards, it was enjoyable, and it had left An in a good mood about this. It was Kohane, after all. An figured her best shot was to bring it up casually, that way there wouldn’t be too much pressure on either side.
She was at the park, waiting for the rest of Vivid BAD SQUAD to arrive. Kohane was always a bit early, she could do this. Sure enough, a pigtailed figure rounded the corner end of the block and made its way to the park.
“An-chan!” Kohane waved hello as she entered the park.
“Kohane, hi,” An smiled. Her legs felt like jello, and she sat down at the edge of the slide. Kohane walked up to her.
“We’re practicing for the event next weekend today, right?” Kohane asked.
“Yeah, I really want to get the chorus down, I think we’re doing well but I think it could be stronger. I might be going too fast at the end… don’t tell Akito I admitted it, though.” An snickered, but sobered up quickly, frowning to herself. It was a problem, even with extra practice she wasn’t going to have the timing down as well as she wanted by Sunday.
“I keep missing my cue at the end,” Kohane let out a frustrated sigh. “It’s still so hard for me to keep in sync sometimes.”
“Hey, it’s okay,” An said, reaching out and grabbing her hand, “I was thinking we can tweak the choreo so I’m nearer to you, and I can help you with the cue.”
“You don’t have to, An.”
“Ah-ah-ah, before you go worrying, I was also thinking you can help me keep time.”
“Alright,” Kohane smiled, and the conversation moved to possible choreography changes that wouldn’t cause problems for Akito and Toya.
An took a deep breath. Now was a time as good as any, wasn’t it? She should just tell her. She gathered her courage, a task that felt like draining the ocean with a spoon.
“Kohane,” she said.
“Yeah?”
“Well, I just wanted to say that you mean a lot to me. I mean, I like you a lot, more than I think I’ve liked anyone before…” An’s throat felt tight with all the words she wasn’t thinking of, “Becoming friends with you was the best thing that’s happened to me, and I… love you.”
The words hung in the sunlight air of the golden hour. It was a rare occasion that An had to look up to see Kohane’s face rather than down. Her brown hair was shining in the light that was cutting across the playground. As Kohane looked down into An’s eyes, the orange of the setting sun glinted gold in her irises and softly lit her face.
Neither Kohane or An had untangled their hands, and An hoped her hand wasn’t sweating too much. Kohane’s hand was small and warm in hers, and she didn’t pull hers back as she looked at An.
“I love you too An-chan,” An’s breath caught in her throat as Kohane smiled at her, “you’re the best person I’ve ever met, I’m so glad we’re best friends.”
Oh.
Friends.
Of course. And they were friends, they’d always be friends, but An also wanted them to be something else. Of course Kohane would take it platonically, why would she take it romantically?
“Um, Kohane, I mean-”
“Hello Azusawa, Shiraishi.”
“Oh, Aoyagi-kun, hello,” Kohane said, turning around to face Toya, who had walked up behind her. And where Toya was, Akito was never far behind, passing through the gate to the park.
“Was I interrupting something?” Toya asked, and his grey eyes flicked to their intertwined hands. An stood up from the slide, letting their hands hang down instead of being stretched in between them. An didn’t quite have the heart to let go of Kohane’s hand yet and Kohane’s grip stayed steady. An shook her head, giving Toya a smile.
“You’re all good, Kohane and I were just chatting about an idea we had for the show this weekend.”
“Good,” Akito said, stopping beside Toya, “you’ve been going too fast at the end, An.”
“Oh, says you.” An scoffed, raising her eyebrows at Akito. He frowned, but before he could open his mouth to say anything, Kohane cut in.
“We should probably start practice!” she said, flustered by the impending argument.
“We should,” Toya backed her up. An and Akito reluctantly held their tongues and nodded in agreement.
And it really was nobody’s business but An’s and Kohane’s if they held hands until they had to start singing, and nobody’s business but An’s how she felt about it. Even if Akito was nearly burning a hole through their hands with his eyes. Good, let him be irritated.
Ⅳ
“Done!” Kohane exclaimed, clicking her laptop shut. And letting out a long yawn. “Essay, finished.”
“Great,” An looked up from her math homework. They were in a booth at her dad’s cafe, helping each other catch up with homework. Well, Kohane finished homework and An did half her catch-up and spent the rest of the time doodling on the corners of her paper or helping Kohane. She was currently drawing a cat batting at the first equation with its paws.
She could feel Kohane’s gaze from the bench beside her as she added the whiskers.
“Cute…” Kohane said softly, “An-chan, you’re really good at drawing!”
“Thanks-”
“...But you should be doing your algebra.” Kohane chided, placing An’s calculator on the cat’s face. An sighed, but moved back to the questions. Kohane pulled out her assigned reading, and flipped open to a page.
The door of the cafe was shut tight, muffling the sound of foot traffic. Outside, the city was lit up to combat the charcoal grey night sky, and the streets outside were albeit emptier than daytime, but still healthily full. An could hear the faint tones of a street performer over the soft chatter that made it past the glass. The overhead lights had all been turned off except for a couple in the back, casting a dim glow over the entire restaurant. The softly lit, quiet cafe and Kohane’s warmth next to her almost lulled An to sleep.
Speaking of, Kohane placed her book and glasses down on the table, closing her eyes and resting her head on her hand.
“Kohane?”
“Yeah, I’m just going to take a small break,” she muttered, punctuated by a small yawn. An smiled.
“Alright, sure.”
After a few more questions, An felt a small weight fall against her side. Kohane had fallen against her a little more, her head nestled on the table on a folded arm. She let out a small snore. An froze, not sure what to do. She’d probably wake up soon on her own, right? She’d just wait for that.
An could totally do it.
Sleep weighed on her eyes though, and each blink became harder to come back from. What if she just closed her eyes for a little, so they’d stop being so heavy?
She glanced at Kohane’s sleeping face as she let out soft snores, her chest rising and falling peacefully. Her cheek was squished against her arm, and the collar of her school’s uniform was rumpled, tie riding up her neck. That was probably uncomfortable. Careful not to let her slip, An reached forward and tugged the collar back into place, straightening out the tie as best she could with Kohane’s arm in the way.
Kohane looked kind of cold, too, so she did her best to drape her jacket over Kohane, just in case. An leaned back against the corner of the booth, and Kohane slid a little bit more too, shifting and stirring slightly, but not waking up.
An wrapped her arm around Kohane for good measure. Kohane’s face was blank in sleep, her breaths slow and steady like a heartbeat. She let the sound wash over her as she looked at her friend.
“I love you.”
The cafe was silent, Kohane’s measured breaths didn’t waver, and An found herself closing her eyes. Just to get rid of the blurry spots, just to rest them for a little. Just to…
(Photos were taken when An’s dad came down to see what was keeping them so long. An was sure they had circulated through every community parents group Ken was in on facebook, something that kept An up at night more than any botched love confession, including the Mizuki call.)
Ⅴ
At this point, it was getting a little silly. An just needed to tell her already. Calling her didn’t work, and springing it in a random conversation didn’t work. This time, An needed a plan, and she had one.
She had asked Kohane if she wanted to go on a walk with her. It was an overcast morning despite the weather report claiming it was supposed to be sunny today. Kohane was bundled up in a winter jacket and a hat. An, on the other hand, had regretfully forgotten extra garments and was trying not to show just how cold her legs were. They were walking through a small garden, insulated coffee cups in hand.
Sure, it was winter and most of the plants were pitifully dead but there was still an honest beauty in seeing how perfectly planned it was to look stunning come spring. In accordance with the season, Christmas lights had been wrapped up the empty flower trellises and hung from the bare trees, shining merrily even in the daytime.
They sat down on a small stone bench, looking at the arrangements. An’s arm was pressed up against Kohane’s, sitting snugly against each other.
“So,” An started, still looking at the glowing icicles adorning the tree nearest to her. “Kohane, I have something to tell you. I asked you here today for a reason. I want to talk to you about something, to tell you something that’s kind of important to me.” An turned her head towards Kohane, whose gaze was on An’s now, frowning apprehensively.
“It’s nothing bad,” An hurriedly reassured her.
“Okay,” Kohane didn’t sound convinced, her voice quivering, “what is it then, An-chan?”
“Well, I asked you here today to tell you that…” An slid the cardboard ring up and down her takeout cup in her lap, trying to ease the tightness in her chest. She took the lid off and watched the steam billow out into the cool air, mustering up her confidence.
She looked up from her drink to look into Kohane’s eyes.
“I asked you here to tell you… that I like you. Romantically.”
For a painful, agonising two seconds, Kohane sat there, mouth slightly ajar. Then she stood up abruptly, jostling An’s arm. Coffee sloshed over the side of the cup, and An hissed in pain, letting go of the cup on reflex, which in turn only spilled the rest of it.
“An-chan, I’m so sorry!” Kohane looked close to tears, and was digging around in her pocket for the paper napkins. “I’m so, so sorry. An-chan, I…”
An got up too, getting away from the bench that now had a puddle of coffee on it.
“It’s okay, Kohane,” she assured her. “I’m fine.”
“No, I’m-” Kohane’s lip wobbled, “I’m sorry.” She shoved the paper napkins she had pulled out of her pockets into An’s hand and hurried away at nearly a sprint.
An was left in the garden.
In the garden full of dead plants, with an empty cup and a handful of crumpled brown napkins sticking to her coffee-covered fingers.
That was a lot to chew on. Because An was pretty sure that Kohane had just rejected her.
Wasn’t that something?
Hot tears collected in An’s eyes and she closed them, wiping away the tear that spilt over and keeping them closed tightly. She didn’t want to cry, not over this.
She could handle unrequited love.
She could handle it.
After the need to cry receded, she sank down onto the stone bench, beside the rapidly cooling puddle of coffee. She could… she could fix this, somehow. She’d talk to Kohane again, make sure she knew there were no hard feelings over all of this. She’d fix it. Anything to keep Vivid BAD SQUAD together.
But right now it was going to get dark soon, and she was cold. The skin on her legs was red from the coffee, but mostly dry now.
She got up, heading towards the exit of the park, tugging her jacket tight around herself. Cold and alone, as light misty rain began to fall, An couldn’t help but think of that first day in Crase Cafe, when it had finally hit her. The warm light of the cafe, sitting with her friends and waiting for her drink, a comfortable routine. It had only been a month…
At any rate, this could serve as a lesson.
Don't fall in love with your best friend.
+ Ⅰ
“An-chan!” A voice called out. An turned around at the entrance of the garden, glancing back dejectedly.
“An-chan!” It was Kohane, waving frantically and running towards her. She stopped in front of her, hands braced on her knees and gasping for breath. “An-chan,” she huffed, “I-”
An cut in, beating Kohane to the chase before too many unsaid words blocked up her throat.
“Look, Kohane, it’s okay. You’re still my best friend, I don’t hold anything against you. I didn’t think you’d feel the same anyway.” That was a lie. She had hoped. “I hope… we can still sing together?”
Kohane looked up at her, managing to look incredulous while gasping for breath still.
“Of course we can still sing together An-chan, I…” she sucked in another breath of air.
An nearly cried from joy and relief.
“Thank you, Kohane,” she choked out. “Don’t worry about it at all, just forget it happened. It’ll be easy, I promise.”
Kohane straightened up, and An’s heart skipped a beat in her chest. The humidity had frizzed some of her ponytail up and the Christmas lights over the entrance reflected in her eyes. It would be easy for Kohane. But not for An.
“I talked to Miku.” Kohane said.
“Kohane you don’t-” An started. Kohane cut her off this time, stepping forward and grabbing both her hands. An sucked in a breath, surprised. There was still coffee on her hands, but Kohane didn’t seem to care. Despite the fact that An’s hands were bigger than Kohane’s, her small one enveloped An’s hands completely.
“An, please! Just,” she took a deep breath, and An stayed silent. “I made a mistake, I’m sorry. I freaked out. I didn't know- I don't what to think, I never thought you'd... well, I talked to Miku. She said that running away from this, it isn’t what my true feelings are. She’s right. And I know at least, that I… like you too. Romantically. I really love you.” She leaned forward, squeezing An's hands in between hers. Her attention was rapt on An, waiting for a verdict.
It was An’s turn to gasp as her brain tried to catch up with what she just heard. Her face felt like the surface of the sun, and her heart skipped beats like it was playing hopscotch. She blinked, once, twice.
Kohane looked at the ground, unsure, and her grip started to loosen on An’s hands.
An dragged Kohane forward into a hug, squeezing Kohane tightly, burying her face into her shoulder. After a second, Kohane wrapped her arms around An in return, and a warm bubbling feeling rose up inside An’s chest.
The garden didn’t feel so cold and dead anymore. With Kohane’s arms looped around her, all An could see were the lights, twinkling like a thousand watchful stars.
“Kohane,” An whispered into the cloth of the jacket, “I love you.”