Work Text:
I've cried enough tears to see my own reflection in them
Yoongi.
He’s all Jimin can think of. He is looking nowhere in Yoongi’s favorite sweatshirt and pants inside his room. Yoongi’s apartment. Full of his memories but doesn’t smell like him anymore. And Jimin? Jimin desperately wants to cling to it. Cling to his memories, cling to his scent that he can’t quite smell anymore. Always be inside this room and never leave. Jimin doesn’t want to let go. Not yet. Not even in the nearest future.
And then it was clear
“Jiminie?” Jimin turned to the person calling him. One of the people he knows took what happened deeply.
“Yes, Eomma?”
“They’re here.” Yoongi’s mom smiled. It was a melancholic smile. One that made Jimin remember how Yoongi and he were always together when visiting his parents. Now, Yoongi’s parents visit him. Every now and then, his mother cries with him. Yoongi’s mother helps him. Help him pick up the shards and put them back together, but the thing is, he couldn’t quite complete the puzzle. Yoongi took half of it with him, and Jimin didn’t care. Yoongi can take all of it, and he won’t care.
Yoongi isn’t like that, though. He left something for him. And for Jimin, it was his parents. Yoongi gave him his parents, and he gave Jimin to his family.
I can't deny
Jimin got up and went to the living room. And he just can’t quite tell what he is feeling. He is overwhelmed. All of their friends are here, their parents are both here. He just can’t ..
Jimin breaks down.
How is this happening, Yoongi?
How are you leaving me and our friends and our parents?
How are you leaving Holy and Chimmy, and how can I even build the family we planned if you can’t be here?
How, Yoongi?
I really miss it
I miss you. Fuck, Yoongi. I miss every gummy smile. Your cat-like eyes. Your sweet, sweet kiss. I miss how you look at me.
I miss you.
So So much.
How will I be able to go on with life without you, Yoon? We went against all odds and got together when we were 18. We’ve known each other since forever. You were by my side when I was the new kid. You were fighting all those thug kids who were bullying me. You were there when I had my heart broken first, not knowing I broke yours at the same time. Friends or not, I really can’t see how I’m going to move forward without you.
Yoongi, you fucking bastard. You are so unfair. So so unfair, hyung.
To think that I was wrong
What did I do wrong, hyung? If I could correct it, would you come back? I I give up my life, would you come back?
“Jiminie” Taehyung said and hugged Jimin. Jimin sobbed hard. This is so hard. He can hear Yoongi’s mother crying and hugging his dad. His dad, Jimin bet, wants to, and that makes everything harder doesn’t it? Yoongi has angel parents. Have wonderful friends. Is accepted by Jimin’s family yet. Yet.
Jimin cried harder than in the last few days and Taehyung hugged him back as much. He started crying too.
Where did I go wrong, hyung? Can you please, please, come back?
I guess you don't know what you got 'til it's gone
Their friends circled Jimin. Crying and just hugging each other. Jin, Namjoon, Hoseok, Yoonji, Taehyung, Jungkook — the 8 of them have been together since high school. Inseparable, their parents had said while smiling oh so softly.
He could hear Jin crying, being hushed by Namjoon. He could hear Yoonji — Yoongi’s sister — crying as well. They all are. For today should have been the best day of their lives yet.
yet.
Pain is just a consequence of love
Jimin went up to the platform. Shakingly taking the mic. It’s his turn to speak. “Yoongi and I met when I was 6.” He smiled sadly. “He was a thug of a kid, though.” And the people inside chuckled. “He always has this fierce look. I was so intimidated when I first saw him that I cried. Real hard.”
“Why are you crying? He said. I said I was afraid of him. What he did next surprised me. He kissed my forehead and said, my eomma always kisses my forehead when I’m afraid. Said it would protect me from bad juju.”
“But I was afraid of you, I said. He looked at me; he was so lost and kissed my lips instead. I was about to cry again, but then, he said he would love me and marry me, so I shouldn’t be afraid of him anymore.”
“That was the first. And after that, I was not afraid anymore. I don’t know when but I fell hard for him. We were 6 when he made that promise, but it never left me. When I was a dumb teenager, I thought he had forgotten about what he said, so I dated some boys and turned to him when they hurt me. It turned out that by doing so, I was hurting him but when we goit together, it was bliss. Up until now.”
“They say Pain is a consequence of love. I guess, I am paying now because I love you too much this must be my price to pay.”
I'm saying sorry for the sake of us
“When we got engaged, I was the happiest person alive, hyung. I was ecstatic that taehyung can’t even handle me. I was jumping, restless in a good way that I spent mt time in the dance studio whenever we are not together. I guess, I shouldn’t have done that, right?”
“I should have stayed in my dorms or in your apartment or stayed with you every single time. If I knew, I would’ve. If I knew, this will not happen, right?” Jimin is full blown crying right now but no, he can’t stop. He needs to say everything because Yoongi told him. Told him to stop keeping everything and just fucking say it. Now, he’s diong it. Are you proud, hyung?
“You cheated, hyung. It was supposed to be our wedding day today but here we are, doing your funeral because I stayed late at night in the studio and you wanted to fetch me now here we are. In this very place that we chose to hold our wedding, we are now holding your funeral.”
“I’m sorry, Im sorry, I’m so so sorry, Yoongi hyung. If it wasn’t for me, you won’t be here. We won’t be here. I’m so sorry”
“Please don’t leave me”
Jimin went to Yoongi’s casket. Crying his heart out and hugging it. After all, it will only be the closest he will get to be with Yoongi.
I’m sorry.
He wasn't my everything 'til we were nothing
Yoongi’s mother came rushing to him. Crying an d hugging Jimin. It seems like that is the only thing they can do. Hug and cry with each other.
“It’s not your fault. No, Jiminie. No.” His mother said so multiple times but Jimin can’t wrap his head around it. It must be hs fault. It is his fault.”
Yoongi. Jimin thought. He never really thought about losing him because Yoongi promised he won’t but here they are. At his last wake readying themselves to see him off.
Yoongi wasn’t his everything then. There were their friends, his dance, their family but now, he was met with the awful realization that Yoongi is indeed his everything.
Regret comes last, right?
And it's taken me a lot to say
I took my time saying I love you to him because it is so precious, I can’t just say it directly but now, Jimin regrets it. Regrets not being with Yoongi everytime. Not being able to say I love you each and every day.
Fuck, Yoongi. Don’t leave me.
And now that he's gone, my heart is missing something
For the first time in his life, Jimin doesn’t have any motivation to go ahead. Without Yoongi, He can’t. Jimin is missing the biggest part of him that only Yoongi could fill.
6 months into this life, Jimin can say his life went with Yoongi. All he does is stay in his apartment. Using Yoongi’s wardrobe, bed, everything.
He doesn’t go to his studio. No. Jimin will only remember how someone called and broke the awful news.he stayed and existed inside Yoongi’s room.
Their friends and family visits him from time to time. Making sure that he is alive.
“Yoongi, I can’t” Jimin whispered that night.
So it's time to push my pride away
Today is particularly a hard day. He missed Yoongi too much today. Woke up crying and thrashing around calling his name when someone ringed the doorbell.
“Yes?” He tried not to cry because fuck it. Someone still thinks Yoongi is here.Jimin opened the door but no one was there. Oh well, or so he thought. He was about to close it when someone cried.
He looked around for it when he found 2 babies in a basket. One of them crying and Jimin can’t just let them be. The weather is unforgiving right now and whoever left them there is absolutely not caring but just as soon as they entered the door, Jimin was hit with the realization that he doesn’t know how to care for kids. He feel like crying when he remembered that Yoongi is so much better with them than him.
Shaking. Jimin dialed Yoongi’s Mom. “Eomma?”
Noticing his voice, the woman asked what’s wrong. “Someone left 2 babies outside the apartment and — and I don’t know what to do Eomma. I —” Jimin is now panicking when he heard Yoongi’s mom chuckle.
“I’ll be there.” She said softly and Jimin calmed down. Okay. Eomma is going to be here. Okay.
This time, Jimin pushed his longings because as much as he wants to grieve, there’s 2 little angle that needs him more. He can cry later on.
'Cause you are, you are, you are my everything
You are, you are, you are my everything
Jimin. As you might have knows, has a good heart. That’s why Yoongi fell in love with him. He knows his way to others. Going as far as making sure everyone is comfortable before getting comfortable themselves.
Min Jimin. That’s his name now. For after nearly 4 months of caring for the twins, he decided to finally adopt them. That was when he knew that all along, he was married to Yoongi.
“Oh! Mr. Min! Record shows that you guys got married in London. Sometime last June, South Korea confirmed to have accepted same sex wedding and thus, the marriage you both had in London is now recognized.” The girl happily said.
“Wow” that’s the only thing he can say. Jimin called their parents, their friends to let them know. Be it a good or a not so good news, Jimin didn’t know but he was married to Yoongi is all he cared. That drunken night 3 years ago. What a beautiful night.
I know you're not far, but I still can't handle all the distance
That night, Jimin muffled a cry in Yoongi’s room. Careful not to wake the twins up. The dam broke and his tears burst. Jimin might have found solace in the twins presence making everything bearable but he still can’t accept the distance between him and Yoongi but he is sting, isn’t he? Yoongi always say so.
That day, Jimin knew he became Min Jimin before all this happened.
That night, Jimin wore their wedding band. The ring that was hanging in his necklace, hiding behind his clothes because everytime he sees it, it always pains him.
That night, Jimin’s heart became a lil bit complete.
You're traveling with my heart
Yoongi is away and Jimin can’t deny the fact that he will never be the same. 2 years after everything, and Jimin still loves Yoongi. It will never be the same.
Jimin did not try to date again despite their family and friends are saying. No. He will always be Yoongi’s and now, he will always be Seol-ah’s and Minji’s.
Jimin thinks that no one can love him more than Yoongi did. Yoongi loved him even after death. Jimin thinks so. Yoongi gave him the twins. Yoongi gifted him the wedding.
Jimin is content. Being Yoongi’s husband. Seol-ah and Minji’s Appa. And aside from the twins, their family and friends? He doesn’t need anyone.
I hope this is a temporary feeling
'Cause it's too much to bear without you
There are times when Jimin still hurts. Everyday still hurts but some more than others. And through that, Jimin is thankful that Yoongi led the kids to him. That’s how he sees it.
Because with them, the pain becomes temporary. The pain becomes bearable. The pain sometimes becomes nonexistent.
When I lose sight, ain't lookin'
If I go tomorrow, just know I'm yours
Even after Jimin met people unexpectedly, Jimin comes home to Yoongi. Never initiated a thing, never felt a thing. He met them, and then tell them about Yoongi. Now, out of 3 of them, he befriended 2. And the 2 of them actually became lovers. Jimin was happy.
'Cause what we got is worth fighting for
'Cause you were, you were my everything 'til we were nothing
Because for Jimin, it will only be Yoongi. And after Yoongi, it’s only Seol-ah and Minji. For Jimin, this is his little family. Yoongi might have left them sooner but he never left Jimin’s heart. And Jimin knows he’s there.
He should be.
And it's taken me a lot to say
And now that you're gone, my heart is missing something
So it's time to push my pride away
4 years passed and Jimin’s heart still aches but now, Seol-ah and Minji is 4 years old. They will start their school soon. Jimin brought them to Daegu. It’s Yoongi’s 4th year anniversary and they all went to visit him. The kids might have not seen him but Jimin showed enough pictures of him to them.
Jimin’s heart swells when he sees the kids loving Yoongi. Loving the thought of him. And for him, it’s enough. Jimin just hopes he’s done enough.
4 or 10 or many years from now, Jimin knows they’ll be here. With the kids knowing Yoongi as their father. Solemnly visiting him for his anniversary. Jimin knows, this is his family.
You are, you are, you are my everything
You are, you are, you are my everything
You are, you are, you are
You are, you are, you are my everything