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Even just a year ago, Aira couldn’t imagine himself talking to any of his irls when he much preferred posting on the internet, somewhere where he could talk about his favorite idols without any judgment. After all, in that safe space he confided in, he had met Amber, who had recently come tumbling back into his life as Oukawa Kohaku. And now they were friends in real life who hung out pretty often.
Honestly, Aira wasn’t even sure why Kohaku insisted on hanging out with him still, and a small part of him was afraid that Kohaku would finally realize how boring or annoying he was. But when Aira doubted himself, Kohaku always reassured him that he was enjoying himself too. And in those moments he saw his online friend again, that special online friend who would attentively read through his long idol rants through DMs and respond to each of his messages. Aira was really glad they had met once again in person and that they continued to be friends.
“Oh right, Rabu-han,” Kohaku called to him one day while they were out together. They were out shopping for baking ingredients since Ritsu’s birthday was coming up. Kohaku, not knowing what to get Ritsu, had come to Aira, of all people, to figure out what to get him. Eventually, Aira came up with the idea of getting baking ingredients, which is how they got to where they were. Now, Aira was inwardly cringing at his online handle—even months after finding out Kohaku was his treasured online friend, it was still a little embarrassing to be called his username in real life. Sure, loveswan was perfectly fine on the internet, but having someone call him love in person? It was a small reminder that Kohaku was that same person he had met online, and Aira would find comfort in that if not for how cringy it was to hear out loud.
“Since we’re out shoppin’ to get bakin’ ingredients for Ritsu-han, I just remembered I meant to give ya this,” Kohaku continued, rummaging around in his bag. He pulled out a small box, handing it over to Aira. “I made it for ya a while back, I hope ya like it.”
“C-Can I open it?” Aira asked, a little nervous as he stared at the box in his hands.
“‘Course ya can,” Kohaku smiled teasingly, which made Aira’s heart skip a beat. “I didn’t jus’ make it for ya to stare at the box.”
Upon opening the gift carefully, Aira was met with an intricately decorated mini-dessert shrouded in wrapping paper. It was a miniature version of a chocolate cake, adorned with fake whipped cream and cherries.
“You…made this for me?” Aira slowly said, his cheeks heating up as he imagined Kohaku carefully putting together this fake dessert for him.
“Mm, I was at the handicrafts store a bit ago with Niki-han, Mayoi-han, and Hiiro-han.”
“Eh, you were with Hiro-kun too?”
Kohaku hummed, “I was with Niki-han when I stumbled into the two of them at the handicrafts store. We ended up makin’ all sorts of fake desserts together, and I made this one for ya.”
“Really…? Thank you!” Aira grinned. “Oh, Mayo-san’s amazing at making all sorts of detailed stuff too, it must’ve been so much fun. I wanna do something like that with you too!”
Kohaku’s gaze softened. “We could if ya wanted to.”
Aira thought for a moment.
“Well… we did buy extra baking ingredients just in case, so why don’t we bake together?” Aira suggested bashfully.
“Do ya know how to bake Rabu-han?” Kohaku asked, “That’s mighty cool of ya.”
“Um, not really, but I’m sure it’ll be alright as long as we have a recipe, right?”
—
As it turned out, everything was not alright.
After they went shopping, the two of them set up the ingredients in the ES kitchen. They decided on making a chocolate cake, which Kohaku quickly found a simple recipe for online (having years of experience roaming the internet had its perks). However, as Aira quickly found out, a love for sweets doesn’t exactly translate into experience on how to make them.
“I can call up Niki-han to help out if ya want,” Kohaku offered when Aira had poured too much flour into the mix by accident. Aira had refused then, mainly because his pride was on the line. They had to make this chocolate cake together. Aira knew it was selfish, but he wanted this moment to be just between the two of them.
It was embarrassing to admit, but every time Kohaku looked at Aira with that admiring gaze as if Aira knew about everything the world had to offer, it made him feel appreciated and loved. He didn’t understand why Kohaku thought of him this way (when Kohaku seemed so much more mature himself) but he wanted to live up to that hope, even if deep down he knew that he wasn’t nearly capable enough. He was scared of ruining that expectation Kohaku had of him as he had done for so many other people.
Even with his determination to not give up, Aira kept making mistakes. He had accidentally poured the dry ingredients into the wet ingredients too early, messing up the composition of the batter. Soon after, when he tried to pour the batter into the pan, he ended up spilling it all over the table. He started getting incredibly frustrated with himself. Gosh, why was he just terrible at everything? In his head, Aira imagined a cliché scenario where one of them would get flour on their face so they could have physical contact, just like in his favorite mangas. He didn’t know why he was so hopeful that something like that would happen, but actually baking the cake was nothing like that. If anything, Aira had just made a mess in the kitchen.
Kohaku had been assigned to the task of mixing the batter but had overmixed the batter. This also made the cake dense instead of light and fluffy like it was supposed to be.
Still, seeing all their mistakes accumulate into the densest, driest, and most unappetizing cake they’d ever seen, Aira had relented and reluctantly let Niki come to assist them with baking with whatever ingredients they had left to spare.
“What are you two doing wasting food?” Niki rebuked after seeing the mess they made in the kitchen. “Gosh, and these were perfectly good ingredients too…”
Niki continued to grumble to himself as he took the reins, the two teenagers assisting with any additional tasks Niki assigned them to. Eventually, they were able to whip up a chocolate cake with whatever leftover ingredients they had readily available. The cake that Niki helped them make was significantly better than their previous cake; it actually resembled one of those professional cakes that someone could find at a bakery. Niki had to leave soon after though, saying something about another job he had to attend to, leaving the two teens alone to eat their cake.
As Aira ate the cake, however, he couldn’t help but feel vaguely disappointed. It was delectable, there was no doubt about that when they had Shiina Niki helping them, but somehow the rich chocolate flavor made Aira feel peeved.
“Rabu-han? Are ya alright?” Kohaku asked, stuffing a forkful of the cake into his mouth. They sat next to each other now, the finished cake between them.
“I’m fine,” Aira half-heartedly replied, trying his best to mask the bitterness under his tongue.
“Uh, are ya sure…? That expression of yours says otherwise.”
Was he pouting? He didn’t even realize he was pouting.
“I just,” Aira sighed exasperatedly. “I wanted this to be just between us, but I couldn’t even bake a cake properly… and it was nice to have Shiina-senpai guide us but…ugh, I don’t know.”
“Rabu-han,” Kohaku said gently. “You’re doin’ fine. I didn’t know how to bake a cake at all, so I was relyin’ on ya. It was your first time too, right?”
“But—”
“Ya tried your best, and I was assistin’ ya,” Kohaku continued. “Even if ya don’t believe that ya were doin’ well, I think that ya were doin’ mighty fine considerin’ it was your first time.”
“That— But, I just wish we didn’t have to ask anyone for help,” Aira said finally, still a little frustrated at himself.
Kohaku shifted, moving his seat closer to Aira’s. “It’s perfectly fine to rely on others, Rabu-han. Honestly, I always get a lil’ frustrated ‘cause I dunno a lot and I hate that feelin’ of bein’ looked down on, but it’s alright not to know everythin’.”
Aira groaned, lightly banging his head against the table. “I’m sorry, I’m just making it about me again… I keep dragging you along with whatever I want to do and it’s unfair to you. I don’t even know if you really wanted to bake, but…”
“That’s not true,” Kohaku said, brushing his hand over Aira’s. “I had’a lotta fun bakin’ with ya. You’re not forcin’ me to do anythin’ at all.”
“…Really?” Aira looked up to meet Kohaku’s earnest gaze.
“Mmm, I already told ya this, but I really do treasure every time we hang out. I know our first cake didn’t turn out the way ya hoped, but I enjoyed bein’ with ya anyway. It was nice, doin’ somethin’ that I wouldn’t normally do with ya.”
It wasn’t fair. It wasn’t fair at all, that Kohakucchi was so understanding, so patient and kind. Aira felt like he didn’t deserve a friend who was so caring for him.
“T-Thank you, Kohakucchi,” Aira said with a sigh. “You’re too nice to me…”
Kohaku’s hand continued to linger on his, giving a light squeeze. It felt comforting. It was as if Kohaku was reassuring Aira that he would accept all sides of him, that Aira didn’t have to worry about Kohaku ever being disappointed in him. It was nice knowing that Kohaku’s soft gaze and warm hands were for Aira, and knowing that made Aira feel soft and gooey inside. And of course, Aira liked Kohaku as well; he liked him since they were online friends and he liked their friendship now, in real life. He liked how Kohaku’s eyes crinkled when he was frustrated, how mature yet surprisingly naive he could be at times…Aira liked everything about Kohaku. Aira only wished that one day, Kohaku would trust him as well and let Aira comfort him in the same way that Kohaku does for him now.
They stayed like that, hands touching and staring at each other until Kohaku’s senses caught up to him.
“O-Oh, I’m sorry ‘bout that,” Kohaku quickly retracted his hand, “I just, it felt natural to grab your hand and I-I guess I got a lil’ distracted.”
“N-No, it's okay, I don’t mind at all!” Aira stammered, trying to put his thoughts together. “I actually kinda like it when you hold my hand like that…could you, um, possibly continue…?”
Kohaku stared at Aira for a moment, a little in shock. “Alright, Rabu-han.”
Kohaku briefly hesitated before grabbing Aira’s hand again. Knowing that this time it was intentional, Aira couldn’t help but feel a little flustered and embarrassed.
Ugh, why did I just ask that out of nowhere? Kohakucchi’s indulging me so much…
But... holding Kohaku’s hand felt so warm and nice. His hands had some calluses and blisters, but they were still relatively nice to the touch. Their hands fit perfectly together, almost as if they were made for each other.
It was embarrassing, completely selfish, and self-indulgent of him, but Aira didn’t want to let go at all. Eventually, Aira started playing around with Kohaku’s hand, massaging his palm and rubbing circles into his hand. When Aira finally looked up, he was greeted by Kohaku's face, burning bright red and at a loss for words.
Sometimes, Aira forgot that Kohaku was younger than him. He just seemed so mature, so knowledgeable and put together. It made Aira jealous sometimes too, seeing someone younger than him seem so much more put together than he was. But, seeing Kohaku like this? He looked so adorable, Aira almost wanted to pinch his cheeks and tease him. Kohaku was still young and confused, just like Aira was. This was a side of Kohaku reserved for just Aira, and the selfish part of Aira took some pride in that.
Kohakucchi’s…so cute…so ravely~… Kohaku was too pretty, Aira didn’t know what to do.
“R-Rabu-han…” Kohaku muttered, avoiding Aira’s deliberate gaze. “I…”
“Kohakucchi, you’re so pretty…” Aira let out, subconsciously leaning in closer. Any lingering disappointment Aira had about the cake was long gone from his mind, replaced by the sudden urge to kiss Kohaku. It was an insane, crazy idea, surely Kohaku wouldn’t be fine with that, but Aira felt so impulsive and feverish all of the sudden. It wasn’t the first time Aira had wanted to kiss Kohaku, but still…
If it was even possible for Kohaku to turn even redder than he already was, then he did. Aira felt incredibly flustered as well, his face burning hot. Aira figured that he was probably just as red as Kohaku was right now.
“Kohakucchi, can I kiss you?” Aira said after a while, his heart thumping loudly inside his chest. What was he doing? Aira was being weird again… Surely Kohakucchi would say no, they were just friends after all and Aira probably just had the wrong idea—
“Mm,” Kohaku mumbled quietly, covering his face with his hand in embarrassment. “Y-Ya can.”
Aira froze, not knowing how to proceed. He’s never done anything like this before. The most experience he’s ever had was through mangas and fanfics! But Kohakucchi was so cute like this, Aira couldn’t help but admire him more.
Slowly, he leaned in, grabbing the hand which covered Kohaku’s face. Kohaku looked back at him at a complete standstill. So, he didn’t know how to do this either, huh? Aira pressed his lips to Kohaku’s hand, kissing the crevices and calluses that he loved. Kohaku’s breath hitched, and he put his hands on Aira’s shoulders as Aira pressed more soft kisses onto Kohaku’s cheeks and face. Aira felt Kohaku’s breaths on his face. After a while, Aira froze again; he was still too anxious to make the final move.
“Rabu-han…” Kohaku muttered, moving to hold Aira’s face. His hand trembled for a moment until he slowly closed the distance between them.
So this is what it feels like to be kissed…? It felt soft and warm in a way Aira didn’t know how to describe. It definitely wasn’t unpleasant though. He tasted like the chocolate cake they were eating earlier. If anything, Aira wanted to kiss Kohaku more, wanted to show him how much he liked him.
They parted soon after, both at a loss for words. Aira’s face felt like it would melt. He didn’t know what to say–--they were friends who just kissed in the moment…so what were they now? Friends who kiss? Boyfriends? How does this sort of thing even work? Did Kohakucchi like the kiss? What if Kohakucchi doesn’t want to talk anymore because Aira messed up again–
“I like ya, Rabu-han,” Kohaku said quietly.
“...Eh?” Aira’s heart stopped. He was sure that he was just about to die.
“I-I wanted ya to know since we just…um, I’ve liked ya for a real long time since we were just friends on the internet. And I still like ya now.” Kohaku’s voice grew more sure as he spoke.
This was way too fast, Aira couldn’t process everything. He had just kissed Kohakucchi and now Kohakucchi was confessing to him, it was like his dream come true. It should’ve been obvious, his gifts, his warm gaze, but hearing it directly from Kohaku was something else entirely.
“Um, I-I like you too,” Aira replied. He felt his eyes water and couldn’t stop himself from crying. “I-I don’t know why I’m crying…”
Aira was so happy. Too happy for words. Aira didn’t even believe that someone like him could be loved when in the past he had always disappointed everyone but…if Kohaku had really meant it, then…
“Don’t cry,” Kohaku said, wiping Aira’s tears. “It’s alright…”
“Gyahaha, what’s going on here~?”
The two separated immediately with a jump. It didn’t take a genius to figure out it was Rinne who had just bombarded the ES kitchen. Kohaku’s expression morphed into one of irritation as he stared him down.
“Rinne-han…!” Kohaku scowled.
“What, did I interrupt your little moment or something?” Rinne cackled, completely ruining the atmosphere from before. “So this is what Niki meant by our little Kohaku-chan getting some~”
“God, ya little…!” Kohaku started, angrily chasing after Rinne.
Their chocolate cake sat on the table, mostly uneaten and forgotten, but Aira found that he didn’t mind. Aira giggled. So that side of Kohakucchi is really just reserved for me~.