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Jimin loved winter. Loved it when his hands were busy playing with the hem of his lover’s sweater. Loved it when his nose turned so pink; his lover kissed it until he felt ticklish by it. Loved it when his feet never felt cold when it was tangled with his lover’s feet. Loved it when it was the first snow of the year, and his lover kissed him all over again under the snow. Loved it when they spent Christmas together with their families. Loved it when it was his lover’s birthday, and he could shower all his love on him endlessly and kiss him again and again and again until the sun rose and it was New Year’s eve. Loved it when they kissed and promised forever when the clock struck 12. Loved all of it until it was taken away from him.
No
He gave it away.
Jimin desperately wants to go back in time and fix everything he had broken. He broke himself, broke his one true love. Now a year later, he feels like he has died 365 times and put himself back together again in the same. But once a glass breaks, you can’t really put it back as it was, can you?
He can’t because he was the one who had left.
It was the first snow, but for the first time in 27 years, it felt so bitter and lonely. He knows why. This is the first time in 21 years his Taehyung is not there with him. Jimin goes through his usual morning routine and gets his breakfast ready which he didn’t eat later on. He decides to start off his day by talking to his parents. That went pretty well, but he had a weekend all to himself, so he decided to make use of it.
Jimin started to clean his cupboard, but as soon as he moved the suits placed on the hanger, a very familiar box caught his eye. He knew what it was. Jimin brought out the box with the intention of throwing it away. But as soon as he opened it, the haphazardly kept Polaroids inside the box made him stop. Jimin carefully took the box and sat on his desk.
After pouring out the contents of the box, Jimin could feel his cheeks dampen. There was a polaroid photo of every little memory he had with his lover, with his Taehyung. There was a flower petal from the bouquet Taehyung had gifted him after his first dance showcase, a petal from the bouquet when they graduated high school, university, and even the first day of both of their respective jobs. There was the promise ring that Taehyung had gifted Jimin, a promise for a forever, but promises are meant to be broken, aren't they?
It is safe to say Jimin could not throw the box away. Instead, he picks up the ring and wears it on his ring finger, where Taehyung had originally put it. Consider it a way for him to reminisce about the beautiful moments he had spent with Taehyung over the past 21 years.
As Jimin gets comfortable on his couch with a coffee in his hand, he cannot help but wonder what had Taehyung been doing. Away from Jimin, his family, and his friends. Jimin hadn’t seen him for a year.
Jimin woke up with the sound of the doorbell ringing. He didn’t realize he had fallen asleep. He wakes up, slips on his fluffy sandals, and walks towards the door. He groggily rubs his eyes and opens the door, only to lose his breath at the face he hadn’t seen in a year.
“Taehyung-ah.” Jimin breathes out slowly. He wants to run, wants to hide, wants to shut the door at his face, but he couldn’t find himself to do so. It felt as if time had stopped for him. Taehyung was looking beautiful but not the way he was used to. He looked like an ethereal stranger on his doorstep.
“Jimin-ah Can I come in? Please?” Taehyung’s voice pulls Jimin out of his reverie, and he slowly nods his head in a silent yes. When Taehyung entered the familiar house, Jimin slowly felt himself returning to reality.
“Make yourself comfortable, Tae.” The nickname rolled out of his mouth as if it was a habit. Old habits do die hard.
“Jimin, I want to talk to you. I will be real quick, but please, can I have this talk?” Taehyung’s eyes were pleading, sad, devastated, and he was looking at Jimin with hope in his eyes. Jimin felt his heart cracking at this. He wanted to hold Taehyung in his arms and kiss him until he couldn’t breathe. Forget everything that had happened in the past year, but it was impossible at that moment.
“Jimin, look, I am sorry, okay? Please let me finish first. When I chose that project in Paris, I knew I had to stay away from you for a little while. I know I was wrong for not letting you know that I had applied for it, but I never ever wanted to break this off.” Taehyung gestured wildly with his fingers between them. The desperation, the urge to prove his point, was so vivid.
“I wanted to take you with me, Minnie. I wanted to show you the city of love and take endless pictures of you, show you the Eiffel tower that you always dreamt of, buy you the ice cream you saw in the drama we were watching together, and take you to every corner of the city. I wanted to love you in my way, Jimin. I am sorry I couldn’t. I am sorry for not trying hard enough. I-” Taehyung’s words got jumbled in his mouth as he choked up in a desperate cry leaving his throat.
Jimin was astounded. He felt as if he was the worst person on earth. He had broken up with Taehyung because he was scared. Scared of losing the love of his life in the translation of time, in the waves of the different cities they were in. He was selfish, selfish enough to protect his heart and break Taehyung’s at the same time, which beat for him only. He was selfish then; he was being selfish now.
Jimin grabbed Taehyung’s collar and pulled him forward in an urgent kiss. They could both feel the salt from their tears on their tongue but were too intoxicated in love to care. Jimin cupped Taehyung’s cheeks in his hands, and Taehyung snapped open his eyes to look into Jimin’s. He broke away from the kiss and held Jimin’s hands.
“The promise ring, Jimin. You are wearing that. Where is mine? ” Taehyung’s look of surprise made Jimin want to wrap him in a bubble and never let him out. He promised himself silently that this time he would protect Taehyung with all of his heart. Jimin smiled a full smile, the one that hides his eyes, the one that’s Taehyung’s favorite.
Jimin pulled on the chain that was wrapped around his neck and tucked it out of his pajama shirt. There was a ring dangling with the chain. He carefully removed the ring from the chain and held out his palm.
“May I, Taehyungie? “ Jimin was beaming, and so was Taehyung.
“ Yes baby, I am all yours. I always was. Will always be.” Jimin took Taehyung’s hand and slipped the familiar ring on his finger. This time Taehyung pulled him into a kiss. The softest kiss Jimin had ever experienced, will all the more love he could gather, he eagerly kissed back.
Jimin smiled into the kiss, thinking how this was surreal. He knows they still have much to discuss and work on, but this was a start. A start of something new, something special. He doesn’t want to go back to December anymore and doesn’t want to go through what they both have gone through. Because, right now, he gets to hold Taehyung for as long as he wants.
“I love you, Taehyungie. I have never stopped loving you for not even a second. I am sorry for giving up so easily. I really am.” Jimin had teared up again, but he was sincere, and his lover knew. He always knows.
“I love you too, Jiminie. You are my soulmate, remember. No one can keep us apart. “ Taehyung pulled him into the tightest hug as if he never wanted to let go.
The two hearts beat in a slow rhythm as they lay on Jimin’s bed, under the warm blankets and even warmer hearts watching the snow fall on the ground covering it up in a white cloud. It was serene, it was peaceful, it was love and it was the December they will always come back to.