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Sometimes the members ask Jaemin why he wears scent blockers when they are at the dorm. Trainees and newly debuted groups are encouraged to wear them during practice and in public, but they usually take them off when they return home. However, not one of the members remembers every witnessing Jaemin without scent blockers.
Jaemin explains that he is so used to not being able to smell his own scent that he prefers it like this. He doesn’t tell them that the sweet scent of Jasmine makes him feel like throwing up.
In 2016, all the NCT Dream members are too focused on their debut and training, that the other members soon forget about Jaemin’s scent. Only Jeno keeps asking him at times why he doesn’t take off the scent blockers at the dorm. Every time Jaemin tells him, that he just doesn’t want to, his friend immediately stops, though. After all, he doesn’t want to bother his friend. Jeno only wants Jaemin to be comfortable at the dorm and around the group members.
Eventually, Jeno accepts Jaemin’s decision to hide his scent and to not talk about his secondary gender. His friend’s behavior sometimes worries him, though. The Alpha doesn’t like how Jaemin hardly eats, although he needs the energy to dance and to sing. Their practice is exhausting and with how little Jaemin eats, Jeno wonders how Jaemin is still able to keep up with the others.
Jeno also notices how the smile sometimes drops from Jaemin’s face. At times, Jaemin seems to be somewhere else with his thoughts, and he forgets to hide the dark look in his eyes when he looks in Jeno’s or Chenle’s direction. Jeno wonders if it is really anger in his friend’s eyes, or if it is something else. Jeno doesn’t know what he wants it to be. If it isn’t anger, this strange expression could be something worse, and Jeno really doesn’t like the thought that it might be hate that is directed at him. After all, Jaemin is Jeno’s best friend.
Jeno isn’t the only one who notices the sudden changes in Jaemin’s behavior.
It’s early in their career when Mark decides to keep Jaemin away from other Alphas, at least as long as it’s somehow possible. Jaemin is already much tenser around strangers, and he gets angry much easier if one of these strangers happens to be an Alpha.
One day, the group’s leader sends Jaemin away to calm down, after he had been close to growling at another idol group’s member. Once Jaemin has left the room, without talking back, but also without apologizing, Mark turns to Jeno and asks him what has upset Jaemin so much. Mark has tried to approach Jaemin several times, but the latter has always ignored all of the leader’s attempts to figure out what was bothering Jaemin so much. Jeno, though, isn’t able to help the older boy. He doesn’t know why Jaemin is so sensitive around Alphas either.
“Some Alphas are more territorial than others. You know how he always looks after the younger members. His Alpha probably just worries about their safety”, he guesses, not convinced by his own words.
“But you and Chenle aren’t like this”, Mark immediately voices his doubts.
“Chenle is quite protective of Jisung, and you know that my Alpha doesn’t really react strongly.”
Mark cannot prevent them from having to interact with other Alphas, as most idol groups usually have more than one Alpha. However, since this conversation with Jeno, Mark tries to make sure that at least their interviewers and most staff members, who directly interact with Jaemin, are Betas or Omegas.
That’s when Jeno starts to notice, that Jaemin doesn’t seem to be very happy around Omegas either.
As Mark, their oldest, is a Beta, it’s almost unnoticeable when his first rut begins. Shortly after, at the age of 20, Donghyuck has his first heat. As Donghyuck, like the others, wears scent blockers most of the time and the NCT Dream members have no experiences with heats and ruts, nobody looks out for or expects the boy’s heat, and therefore they aren’t prepared well when it starts. Donghyuck is lucky that the group’s manager notices the subtler changes and signs, like his raised body heat, in time, and sends the boy to the rooms, where the company’s singers can spend their ruts and heats.
That’s why the management encourages the members to stop wearing scent blockers during the training and at the dorm until they are able to estimate when their next rut or heat will be. Everyone but Jaemin follows these words.
Renjun’s heat starts only a week after Donghyuck’s has ended. Similar to Mark’s rut, though, it isn’t as strong as an Omega’s heat and the boy doesn’t have to take a break.
A couple of weeks later, Jeno overhears when Jaemin asks Renjun about his heat and what makes it different from Marks rut.
Jeno thinks that it makes sense that Jaemin has asked Renjun, as the latter is more open than Mark when talking about his subgender. However, it is strange that Jaemin is the one asking a question like this, as he is the member who avoids the topic of secondary genders the most.
“For Betas it’s mostly the scent”, Renjun had answered without looking up from his painting, “Betas’ heats and ruts aren’t very different, but if the scent is more like an Omega’s it’s likelier to be compatible with an Alpha, and if the Beta’s scent is more similar than an Alpha’s their future mate is more likely to be an Omega. My heat is only called heat, because my scent is softer and sweeter than Mark’s.”
Both, Jeno and Chenle, have their first rut, before Jaemin’s starts.
Unlike all the other members, who made sure to tell their friends when they noticed the first signs of their rut or heat, Jaemin doesn’t say anything. Nothing seems to change in his behavior, until his bed is empty, when Jeno wants to wake him up. When they dress for dance practice, he still is nowhere to be found and although all the members have called him at least ten times by now, he hasn’t answered them.
They can only calm down, when their manager arrives to pick them up and is confused when he notices their growing panic.
“He went to the heat and rut rooms tonight”, their manager explains, when Mark tells him that they can’t find Jaemin. It’s obvious that the man had expected Jaemin to tell the members himself before leaving.
When Jaemin returns around a week later, he looks so miserable that none of the members wants to confront him, and when Jaemin seems to be better again, too much time has passed to confront him. Yet, Mark makes sure to tell him, how worried they had been, and that Jaemin has to tell them when his rut starts and he plans to leave.
“It won’t happen again”, Jaemin answers with a soft smile. Before Mark can say something else, though, he turns away to start a new conversation with Jisung, who is sitting on his other side.
It really doesn’t happen again, but not because Jaemin tells them, when he notices that his rut is nearing. Usually, ruts and heats occur every two to three months. However, after Jaemin’s first rut, several months pass without him showing any signs of the next one.
The members eventually start to notice and when Jeno suggests to Mark to talk to Jaemin about it, their leader asks Jaemin to meet at his room the same evening.
“I think you should see a doctor.”
Jeno notices how Jaemin, who is sitting beside him, is tensing up.
“Why?”
“You haven’t had a rut for six months now. That’s not normal. We are worried about your health.”
To Mark’s and Jeno’s surprise, Jaemin’s face relaxes and the boy starts to laugh.
“You don’t have to worry about that. That’s completely intentional.”
“Intentional?”, Jeno asks confused, although Mark and him had decided to let Mark talk, in case of Jaemin’s Alpha getting defensive.
“Yes. I’m taking suppressants. That’s what they are for – stopping ruts and heats.” Jaemin says these words as if it was normal for young Alphas and Omegas to take suppressants.
Mark and Jeno are so shocked by the unexpected answer that they need several seconds to recollect themselves. When Mark opens his mouth to speak again, Jaemin has already made use of the silence to interpret it as the end of the conversation.
“If that’s all you wanted to know, I’ll go to bed now. I’m tired.” He walks to his room a bit too fast.
Mark and Jeno aren’t happy about Jaemin taking suppressants. Although they aren’t as harmful as they used to be, they aren’t really healthy, either, especially when you just have had your first rut. Besides this, they both know that Jaemin hardly eats anything. Taking suppressants without food in your stomach can intensify the medication’s effect, and the boys are sure that Jaemin hasn’t told the doctor about his eating habits.
Once more, Jeno wonders why Jaemin is so uncomfortable when it comes to anything regarding secondary genders.
Jeno tries to make his friend more comfortable talking about subgenders. Where he used to avoid this topic, he now tries to include Jaemin.
Around a month after Mark’s and Jeno’s talk with Jaemin, Jeno is talking with Chenle about their next rut. They both know that they have to be more careful now, because their ruts could start every day now. Usually, Jeno would have stopped the conversation and would have started to talk about something else, when he notices that Jaemin is walking into their direction, but this time he doesn’t stop.
He observes how Chenle stops to speak when he sees Jaemin, but Jeno continues.
“Will you stay at the dorm this time?”, he asks Chenle, who seems a bit confused as Jaemin is now standing right beside Jeno. All of the members know, that you shouldn’t mention subgenders, heats or ruts around Jaemin, if you didn’t want to ruin the other member’s mood.
“I don’t think so. I know that spending your rut with someone doesn’t have to be sexual, but I think that I am more comfortable being alone at the moment”, he answers hesitantly.
Jeno nods, understanding what the younger boy means. Staying at the dorm implies that he wants at least one of the other members to be close, and that’s usually only something mates or pack members do.
When Jaemin doesn’t leave, although it’s obvious by now, what they are talking about, Chenle carefully asks: “What will you do, Jaemin? You haven’t had a second rut yet, right?”
For a short moment, Jaemin’s face darkens, but then he answers with a small smile: “No, I’m on suppressants. Didn’t Jeno and Mark tell you?”
“We didn’t think you’d want us to tell the others.”
“Why not? It’s not a secret?”
Jaemin tries to seem nonchalant, but he can’t hide from Jeno how tense he is.
Jaemin starts to avoid Jeno, when it seems like he is talking about anything that might concern secondary genders, and for a while nobody talks to him about his subgender or the suppressants. Mark and Chenle try to get him to stop a few times, but to no avail. When Jaemin eventually gets angry enough to push Chenle into their dining table, the group decides to stop, at least for now.
Jeno silently watches, how Jaemin seems to lose more and more weight over the next couple of months. His friend becomes more and more quiet and it’s obvious that he has started to avoid the members after the incident with Chenle. Although the younger member has accepted Jaemin’s apology, it doesn’t seem like Jaemin has forgiven himself.
Mark addresses the topic of forming a pack after they have decided to renew their contracts. There have been many discussions and especially Donghyuck and Mark had not been sure whether they’d stay with the company, but eventually all of them have concluded that they want to continue working with each other.
The only person, who had hardly been involved in the whole process is Jaemin. Whenever someone had asked him about his opinion, he had only shrugged or said that he didn’t really care.
During the last couple of months, all members had started to worry about Jaemin. The most worrisome aspect was, though, that it had been Jisung who had said what everyone had been too afraid to voice: “Should we not sign the new contract? I’m scared that Jaemin won’t be able to do this much longer…”
Jeno shared these worries, but at the same time, he was more worried about what would happen to Jaemin if he didn’t have the other members around anymore, who were all looking out for him.
So, they eventually decide to stay together and to suggest forming a pack.
“You want to do what?”, Jaemin asks again. It is much too obvious that Mark’s suggestion worries him for a reason unknown to Jeno.
“Let’s form a pack. Most of us have already agreed, and we have already spent so many important years of our lives together.” It’s Renjun who repeats Mark’s words.
“I don’t think that this is a good idea.” It is almost impossible to miss that these words hurt all of them, but Jaemin seems to completely ignore this.
“Why do you think so?”, Mark asks, trying to keep calm.
“We are too young, and we have always worked together. Who knows if we can get along with each other without work binding us?”
Jaemin leaves after saying these words, ignoring the tears in Jisung’s eyes and the anger on Chenle’s face. He doesn’t react to the hurt in Mark’s scent or to Jeno’s confusion. He just leaves without looking at them even once.
It’s obvious that he doesn’t want to continue talking about the possibility of becoming a pack, which leads to the question whether the group members have misjudged how close they are to each other. None of them wants to believe that they aren’t as important to Jaemin as he is to them.
They don’t address the topic of forming a pack again for a couple of months. Yet, things change regardless.
Jisung and Chenle start to keep each other company during their heat and rut, and Jeno knows that Donghyuck and Mark are thinking about staying at the dorm, too. Even Renjun, who has made it obvious that he doesn’t want any company during his heat, has decided to not use the company’s rooms anymore.
The only reason, why Jeno still doesn’t want to stay at the dorm is because he has seen how shocked Jaemin had been when he had smelled Chenle during his last rut. Jaemin had not returned to the dorm until Jeno had told him that Chenle’s rut had ended. The Alpha doesn’t know why his friend reacted like this, but he doesn’t want to be the reason for Jaemin not being able to sleep in his own room.
It is only a matter of time, until Jeno can see how Jaemin start to break in front of them. He eats even less than before, and avoiding mirrors turns into hateful glances at himself. Jeno can’t understand what makes Jaemin so unhappy with himself. He has to stop himself from confronting the other man, knowing very well, that Jaemin will only become angry and won’t answer any of his questions.
All of them can see how weak Jaemin has become on a Tuesday, in the middle of dance practice. There are probably many different factors that contributed to it – Chenle, who had chosen to not wear scent blockers that day, their new dance instructor who tended to call them by their subgender instead of their names, and that Jaemin made many more mistakes than usual, being too exhausted to even stand without trembling.
Their next comeback is close and all of them are stressed. Jeno is sure that Jaemin hasn’t eaten anything for more than two days, and he is on the verge of going to the management to force Jaemin to see a doctor.
When Jaemin stumbles over his own feet once again, their dance instructor stops the music and stands in front of Jaemin. The man is much too close, especially as both of them are Alphas who tend to be quite territorial when it comes to their personal space. Yet, Jaemin doesn’t react at all and keeps staring at the floor.
“What do you think you are doing?”, the instructor asks, not even hiding his anger.
“I’m sorry”, Jaemin quietly answers.
“Are you an Alpha or an Omega? I can’t hear you, speak louder!”
It’s something their instructor should not have said in the first place. It’s derogatory and Jeno hears a silent growl that most like comes from Donghyuck, who hates it the most when someone disrespects Omegas. However, the worst part of all of this is, that the older man has used his Alpha voice against Jaemin.
When Jaemin crumbles in front of their dance instructor, pain written on his face and tears in his eyes, everyone stares in shock. That’s not a reaction they had expected. Usually, Jaemin would have become angry, or he had apologized again for messing up the choreography too many times. An Alpha doesn’t react like this to another Alpha using their Alpha’s voice on them.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t know that you are an Omega”, the instructor hurriedly says, trying to help Jaemin up. The boy, though, pushes the man’s hand away, warningly growling at him.
“I’m not!”
Jaemin’s voice can hardly be heard, but the hatred and anger are obvious. Jeno wonders whether it is aimed at the instructor or Jaemin himself.
It’s the first time, that the members see Jaemin in such a vulnerable state.
They decide to talk as a group again after their promotions have ended.
“I want to suggest once again to form a pack.”
Jaemin doesn’t seem pleased.
“I have noticed that some of us a struggling these days, and I am sure that we can help each other better when we are bonded, and it’s easier to guess how the others are feeling. And Jaemin”, the oldest now looks directly at the other boy, “you are important to all of us. I am sorry, but I cannot believe you, when you say, that you don’t feel the same about us.”
“It’s not that you aren’t important to me“, Jaemin starts to talk, faltering.
“Please, don’t tell us another stupid excuse.” When Jisung speaks, he tries to talk politely but honestly. He doesn’t raise his voice, but he also doesn’t hide, how much it has hurt him that Jaemin keeps pushing all of them away.
“Is it because of your scent?”, Jeno asks before he can stop himself.
Jaemin has always hidden his scent. Jeno doesn’t even know what his friend smells like. If they want to form a pack, though, Jaemin wouldn’t be able to wear scent blockers. Scenting each other is an important part of forming a pack and a requirement for a pack bond.
Silently Jaemin nods.
“What’s so bad about it?”, Renjun inquires carefully.
“It’s disgusting. It’s like-”, Jaemin stops himself before he can finish his sentence. He looks between Jisung and Donghyuck, silently saying sorry, as if he had insulted them somehow.
“Can’t you show us? We won’t judge”, Mark tries to encourage his friend.
None of them wants Jaemin to dislike such an important part of himself. Scents are important for every kind of bond and although they have never said so loudly, all of them had hoped that Jaemin would eventually stop wearing the scent blockers at the dorm like all of them did.
Jaemin, though, shakes his head. “I hate it.”
“Please?” Jeno’s soft request seems to get through to Jaemin, as the boy raises his hand to one of the scent blockers at his neck. Yet, he still doesn’t remove it, and now Jeno, who is sitting right beside his friend, notices that he is shaking.
“It’s okay. Your scent isn’t something you can control. We won’t judge you because of it, if that’s really what you are afraid of.”
When Jaemin slowly removes the patch on the left side of his neck, a very sweet Jasmine scent starts to fill the room. It might have been nice, if it wasn’t soured by a mixture of fear and anger.
“I’m an Alpha”, Jaemin mutters, hardly audible, and when Jeno looks at him, he sees tears flowing down his friend’s face.
Without thinking, Jeno hugs the other boy, who only starts to sob more.
“We know. That has never been up for discussion”, the Alpha tries to calm his close friend down, but everything he does seems to only worsen the situation.
They don’t voice it, but they all understand now, why Jaemin chose to hide his scent – it’s not an Alpha’s scent at all. If someone smelt it on the street, they wouldn’t even consider that Jaemin might be a Beta, as this kind of scent can only belong to an Omega.
When Renjun eventually decides to approach Jaemin, the latter has started to calm down again. He has stopped crying, but his eyes are still red, and Jaemin looks on the brink of starting again every moment.
The Chinese boy knees down in front of Jaemin and takes his hands into his own.
“I understand why you don’t want others to know your scent, but you don’t have to hide it from us”, he starts, trying not to react to the hurt on Jaemin’s face, when he admits that he understands his dislike, “But your scent doesn’t change, who you are. You know how often people assume that I am an Omega, because my scent is quite sweet, and I am not particularly tall or muscular. That doesn’t change, though, that I am a Beta. And it’s the same for you.”
Renjun’s words seem to reassure Jaemin a bit, but when they decide to continue this talk another day and start to watch a movie together, Jeno can’t get rid of the feeling that there is still something that Jaemin is hiding from them.
For a short while, Jaemin seems to do better. He eats at least once a day and although this still isn’t enough, Jeno is happy to notice that his friend doesn’t appear to lose any more weight these days. Jaemin also eventually stops wearing scent blockers when they are alone at the dorm. In the beginning, it is very obvious that he doesn’t feel comfortable like this. He hardly talks and tries to go to his own room as soon as possible. It takes many encouraging words and some time until Jaemin is able to relax around them without wearing the scent blockers.
To everyone’s surprise, it is Jaemin, who eventually addresses their plan of forming a pack again. As all of them know his scent now, he doesn’t have a reason to resist anymore, he says. Jeno, though, doesn’t like how his friends adds: “If you still want to”, at the end of his sentence. Apparently, their words have not been enough, yet, to eliminate Jaemin’s self-doubts.
All the members eventually agree to finally form a pack, and scenting becomes a daily occurrence. Forming a pack bond isn’t easy and takes a lot of time and effort. The future pack members have to trust each other completely, and the best way to bond and show each other affection is by scenting. Therefore, it becomes their new morning routine to go to each other’s rooms and make sure that their scent can be found on every one of their group members.
Most of the members quickly figure out, that Jaemin is not comfortable with approaching them, so they make sure that everyone goes to him instead. Besides this, Mark makes sure to reassure the younger member, by telling him that nobody outside will be able to detect Jaemin’s scent as it will be too mixed up with the other member’s scents.
For a couple of weeks, Jaemin becomes more open and seems to be happier, like he used to be when they were younger. He doesn’t avoid any of the members anymore, and it becomes almost natural for him to take the scent blockers off, when he returns to the dorm.
Then everything becomes even worse than before.
It starts with Jaemin coming to Jeno’s bed in the middle of the night, asking whether he can sleep there. Jeno’s mood isn’t very good, as he has only slept around 30 minutes before Jaemin woke him up, but when he turns around to face the other man, he notices how his friend’s eyes shine in the dim light, and he is unable to bring himself to send him away.
Jaemin’s quiet crying keeps him up that night, but he doesn’t know how to comfort the other boy. That’s why he doesn’t say anything, while silently hugging the other Alpha.
Then Jaemin becomes ill. He was already weak before, but now it is almost impossible to wake him up and get him to stand up in the morning. Jeno notices how his friend becomes paler every day and how it appears to be normal now, that Jaemin is trembling all the time.
Jaemin doesn’t avoid the members, but he tries to keep a distance.
Every time one of the Omega’s try to hug him, he rejects them with the excuse that he doesn’t feel very well and doesn’t want them to become ill, too. It’s obvious that he feels bad, when he sees that his behavior hurts them, but he doesn’t change his mind, not even once.
The Betas and Alphas don’t look for physical contact as often, but when they get too close, Jaemin tries to move away. He doesn’t seem to notice that his actions aren’t as subtle as he might think.
With the development of the group’s bond, it becomes more and more apparent that Jaemin is suffering.
“I tried to tell myself that it’s just how he smells like, but I think that Jaemin is sad. All the time”, Chenle admits one evening, while the members are waiting for Jaemin and Mark to return to the dorm.
They all know that Jaemin isn’t happy, but they don’t know what they can do for their friend. The more they try to assure him, the more he pushes them away. He is breaking in front of their eyes, but they can only watch.
“Has he told you anything? About what’s bothering him?”, Renjun asks Jeno, hoping that Jaemin tells his best friend more than the other members. Jeno, though, can only shake his head.
When the door is suddenly pushed open and an angry Jaemin enters the dorm, they look at each other in shock. Jaemin is known for getting angry easily, but this feeling is hardly ever aimed at one of them.
Jeno and Renjun stand up and enter the hallway, signaling the other members to wait in the living room.
When Jeno enters the hallway, a similarly furious Mark appears in the door, shouting at Jaemin: “You have to stop taking the suppressants! You are hurting yourself!”
“I will not!” Jaemin doesn’t even look at Mark, hurriedly taking off his shoes and walking in the direction of his room. This time, however, Mark doesn’t seem willing to let Jaemin escape this conversation, grabbing the younger by his arm and holding him back.
“Talk to me! Talk to us! Whatever the reason is why you don’t want to have your rut, I am sure that we can find another solution.”
Jaemin tries to pull away from Mark, but to no avail. Although he should be at least as strong as the Beta, Mark appears to have much more strength. When Jaemin realizes this, too, he eventually stops struggling.
“I just don’t want to. Why can’t you let me make this decision?” Jaemin’s gaze is still fixed on the floor. There is anger in his voice, but he doesn’t shout anymore.
Jeno hates seeing his friend like this. Jaemin is, once again, close to tears, and Jeno doesn’t know what to do.
The next day, Jaemin collapses during dance practice. One moment he seems to be okay, or at least as okay is he can be these days, and the next moment his legs are giving up under his body.
When the members gather around him, the boy is burning up and shivering. Jeno touches his friend’s arm in an attempt to comfort him, but immediately removes his hand again, when Jaemin recoils in pain.
As Jaemin is hardly able to react to their questions, Mark decides that they can’t accept this anymore and calls their manager.
Around two hours later, they are sitting in a hospital’s waiting room. While Mark is talking to one of the nurses, Jeno and Chenle are holding Jaemin down, keeping him from running away. The moment the other boy realized that they were taking him to a doctor, he had tried to resist, begging them to go to the dorm instead. No matter what they had tried to calm him down, nothing had worked, as he had insisted that he was fine. Even when Jisung had asked him to just get this one check-up, Jaemin had only stopped moving for a few seconds before he had continued to try reaching the car’s door.
The members stay in the waiting room, while the nurse takes Jaemin to a doctor. Only Mark, as their pack’s leader, is allowed to go with them. It’s the first time that Jeno sees the social benefits of being a pack.
Mark and Jaemin return eventually return, but leave the building without saying a word. Jaemin’s face is completely expressionless, while Mark seems to be more worried than anything else. Because they are in public, they all wear scent blockers, so Jeno can’t use their scents to guess what they are really feeling. He wishes that it would have never been seen as necessary to hide their scents.
When they return to the dorm, Mark makes all of them stay in the living room. Jaemin seems to be too exhausted to resist by now, just doing what he is told without directly reacting to what is said. Jeno notices, though, that the other Alpha has refused to remove his scent blockers.
When all of them are sitting on and around the couch, Mark directly looks at Jaemin and asks: “Why didn’t you tell us that you are an Omega? If you had told us that our assumptions are wrong, we could have looked after you better.”
Silence is filling the room, as most of the young men need a bit of time to understand what Mark has said.
“Jaemin is an Omega?”, Renjun asks confusedly, while Jaemin doesn’t even react and keeps staring at his hands.
“It was obvious and we have ignored it. Of course, his scent is the one of an Omega.”
Jeno doesn’t know if Mark is really angry or if these harsh words are the result of stress.
“I think you should calm down”, Jeno tries to stop Mark from talking, but their leader is only glaring at him before continuing: “Besides the obvious - Jaemin being severely malnourished because he refuses to eat enough - the suppressants in combination with the lack of attention and physical affection, have messed with his body and Omega. That’s why he has been so ill these days.”
It is well-known that Omegas need more physical contact than Betas and Alphas, but Jaemin had always made clear that he wasn’t really a fan of hugs and cuddling, at least if he wasn’t the one initiating the contact. Besides this, Jaemin was an Alpha, wasn’t he? He had stated so himself several times. Right now, Jeno really didn’t know what to think and to say.
Jeno is too confused and shocked by Mark’s outburst, to find the right words before Jaemin stands up and flees into his room.
Maybe everything would have been different if Jaemin had been brave enough to talk to the members, but maybe it wouldn’t have changed anything at all. Maybe Jeno or one of the other members should have taken the initiative as soon as they had noticed that Jaemin wouldn’t to talk to them. Jeno wonders whether he should have stopped Mark from saying these words to Jaemin. Wouldn’t he have to hold his crying friend in his arms now, if Mark hadn’t talked to them after they had returned from the hospital? Yet, Jeno had not known what their leader had planned to say earlier that day.
“Why did you do that?”, Jeno murmurs softly while trying to control his own tears. He has to see clearly, to stop the bleeding. Why is it bleeding so much? Why doesn’t it stop?
“I just wanted it to stop. But I didn’t want to cut this deep.” Jaemin’s voice isn’t much more than a whisper.
Jeno presses a towel against Jaemin’s neck and shouts Mark’s name. It’s in the middle of the night, and he isn’t sure whether anyone else is even awake right now. What is he supposed to do if nobody wakes up? He can’t leave Jaemin alone like this, but they don’t have their phones here.
When Donghyuck enters the bathroom a couple of seconds later, his eyes widen in shock. When he had heard Jeno’s panicked voice, he had known that something was wrong, but he hadn’t expected to find Jaemin lying in his own blood. All of his instincts tell him to go to his pack mate and to make sure that he is safe, but Donghyuck knows very well that he can’t do much to help.
“I’ll call the ambulance”, he says instead, and runs back into his room, where he left his phone.
Jaemin doesn’t want to receive any guests during his hospital stay. Every time one of the members asks to see him, he finds a new excuse to send them away. Even when he returns to his family’s house, he makes up a couple of excuses until he eventually just tells them directly that he doesn’t feel like talking to them.
The management sits down with the remaining members to discuss their future schedule. They consider having a comeback without Jaemin, but most of the group’s members aren’t in a mental state that would allow a successful performance. After all, they are a pack, and it’s difficult for all of them to understand how they had not been able to prevent Jaemin from hurting himself like this. Besides this, they can feel each other’s pain and worry. But the worst part is, that they are hardly able to feel Jaemin in the bond, as if the boy is trying to cut himself off, fighting the bond they have built during the last couple of months.
Instead of continuing like nothing has happened, the six men get a couple of weeks to rest and see their families. Mark, Donghyuck and Jisung return home, while Jeno stays at the dorm with Renjun and Chenle, who has decided to move to the dorm when their pack bond had started to grow stronger.
What has happened to Jaemin is haunting all of them, although it shows differently.
Jeno can see how Marks blames himself for what has happened. He still doesn’t understand why Jaemin did what he did, but he feels like his words were what caused it.
Chenle doesn’t leave Jisung’s side anymore, too afraid that something might happen to the group’s youngest, and Jisung just accepts it, as he doesn’t want to upset any of the members. The youngest boy never speaks up anymore and follows every word of the older boys, even if he doesn’t like what they ask him to do.
Renjun hardly talks anymore. He spends most of the time drawing in his room or making sure that the other pack members are safe. Jeno knows that the Beta is often crying when he thinks that nobody is around. He wants to comfort his friend, but knows that it would hurt his pride.
Donghyuck and Jeno have the most difficulties coming to terms with what they have witnessed. Jeno is haunted by the smell of blood. Every time he comes near the bathroom, everything smells like the whole building was soaked in blood. He starts visiting NCT 127’s dorm more often. He doesn’t explain why he does so, but they silently accept that he doesn’t seem to be able to sleep at their own dorm. When he doesn’t want to bother the older men anymore, he starts going to the company building to shower there. It takes much more time, but at least there is no blood.
Donghyuck, though, can’t be left alone anymore. Jeno knows, that he constantly wakes up from nightmares, thinking that one of their pack members has died or has been injured. He has witnessed how the Omega broke down in tears when he thought that the others had left him alone. The doctors have said that this is a normal reaction for an Omega who has almost lost their pack’s Alpha. Apparently, it is an old natural defense mechanism to prevent that the Omega is left defenseless without an Alpha around. Donghyuck’s Omega is constantly making sure that there is someone around who can look out for him if a danger arises.
It doesn’t matter that Jaemin apparently isn’t an Alpha. They have thought so for so many years that their inner wolves see him as an Alpha now.
The boys don’t know that the company is actively communicating with Jamein until one day before the boy returns to the dorm. Jaemin hasn’t answered any of their texts and calls. Therefore, it shocks them when they are informed that Jaemin will come back and that the company has already planned their next comeback.
Of course, after what has happened, the management has suggested that Jaemin’s contract can be terminated. Yet, as far as they can trust their manager’s words, he chose to continue working as an idol.
What confuses the boys the most, though, is that Jaemin has asked to disclose his subgender to the public. As he has always hated talking about his topic, they have always assumed that they’d never tell their fans about their secondary genders, although most groups do so eventually.
Hesitantly, they agree, making sure that this announcement will only be made if Jaemin is really okay with it. They don’t care about people knowing about their secondary gender, but they are worried that Jaemin might regret this decision.
When the company announces their comeback the same evening, they do so in combination with the reveal of the members’ subgenders. To their surprise, Jaemin is written down as an Alpha.
When they approach Mark, asking about why he had acted like he was sure that Jaemin was an Omega and not an Alpha, the oldest explains, that the doctors had said so, which leaves the members with even more questions instead of answers.
Jaemin returns late in the evening, acting as if nothing has happened. He still hardly eats anything, and Jeno assumes that he still takes the suppressants.
Jaemin doesn’t outright avoid the members, but, he doesn’t answer when they try to talk about how he is feeling, and he easily becomes angry when one of the members tries to talk to him about what has happened, or about his subgender or scent.
In the beginning, Jeno thinks that Jaemin has returned to wearing scent blockers during the whole day, until Renjun points out, that Jaemin seems to have lost most of his scent.
“It’s probably because of the scarring”, Donghyuck guesses silently, not even looking up from his phone. He is the most uncomfortable when someone tries talking about Jaemin’s injury.
Jaemin is back, but he is hardly more than an empty shell. Their conversations are superficial, Jaemin only smiles for the cameras, and although he doesn’t seem to lose more weight, it is obvious to all of them that he is still underweight.
Jeno wonders if they’ll ever get the Jaemin back who was with them when they were trainees and when they debuted. Who loved to look after the younger members and made sure that all of them felt appreciated, who lived for dancing and singing in front of the cameras and fans, and most importantly, who wasn’t unhappy all the time.