Chapter Text
Mugging.
Always update your sleep deprived college debt giveaway bank account, Jace from Marketing.
Dick chews on the inside of his cheek.
The mugger raises his gun.
“Raise your hands high up into the air!” The civilian passing by and Peter comply. Dick reluctantly raises his hands.
Non-violent. He can manage that. Maybe take a more… yeah, none of them tried talking villains out of committing crimes.
Maybe take a more… Barry Allen coded approach.
“Come on. You don’t want to do this man.” Dick grits the words out like it physically pains him. (It does.)
“What? This isn’t Metropolis man.”
“This isn’t Gotham, either. Do you want the money or not? My hands are getting tired.” That’s actually not a lie. He could not do this all day. He slept thirty minutes yesterday. Peter sends him a look that screams ‘are you insane?’.
Probably. They never checked.
“I need to pay my college debt. Don’t make me shoot you.” Dick nearly scoffs. Right, as if he’s not dangling twenty years of acrobatics on his head.
“Please, I don’t have enough money,” The civilian complains. Peter stares at him incredulously.
“How much?”
“What?” The mugger stares incredulously.
“How much?” Dick repeats, now taking out his phone.
“Where the hell did that come from?”
“Uhm.. around 15K?” The mugger’s eyes dart around nervously.
“Name?”
“Dwayne Johnson.” The civilian looks at the mugger, genuinely annoyed.
“Seriously?”
“It’s my real name!” Dwayne shows Dick his Tinder profile. Dick winces.
“I get it man.” His name was Dick, after all. On second thought, why didn’t he just make his nickname Richie?
“Aren’t you worried I’ll give your name to the police? Sent,” Dick asks, now holding a bagel in his other hand.
“Why are you trying to help him rob us,” Peter moans, hands running down his face. That guy is going through it.
The mugger opens his mouth, and he looks nearly ready to argue when his phone rings and a the glow of a notification shines on his face, illuminating the dark alley.
“Hey can I have half?” The civilian asks, and Dick hands him half of the bagel, suddenly recognizing his face.
“Hey! I know you. You’re Jace from Marketing.” Jace from Marketing grins.
“You remember?”
“Of course,” Dick replies, and he bumps his bagel with Jace from Marketing before realizing how unhygienic that is.
The mugger puts down his gun, rubbing the dark circles under his eyes in disbelief.
“Wow. Uh, thanks.” Both Dick and Jace from Marketing wave goodbye to Dwayne.
“Bye Dwayne! Good luck for finals!” Dwayne waves and shouts a thanks. Dick high-fives Jace from Marketing.
“Neal, who’s this?” Peter’s recovered from his shock and is now staring at Jace from Marketing uncomfortably close, nose nearly touching.
“Jace from Marketing. Oh, I went to a mmtng un Gorham a few munths agoh,” Dick finishes, wiping bagel crumbs off his face.
“I thought you were going to die,” Peter exclaims, leading him out of the alley, and Dick lets out a laugh.
“Aw, you do care! Bye Jace! Remember to refill your monthly college debt giveaway bank account! Tell Tim I said hi!” Jace from Marketing disappears from Dick’s point of view, and Peter looks speechless.
“Where did you even get the bagel?”
“Nicked it from the mugger.”
“The mugger had a bagel?”
“Not a donut. Blasphemy.”
“That’s not the issue. That’s theft. Also, not the way you use blasphemy.”
“I was just held at gunpoint, man. Cut me a break.”