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It is no surprise when, despite both being invited to Zubayr Theatre's opening show of the season, only Kaveh turns up, nor is it surprising that Kaveh openly expresses his distaste about it. "Please accept my apologies, Nilou. To be gifted such an opportunity and squander it to spend time with his work, this roommate of mine has no manners at all," Kaveh sighs, the distaste in his voice curling up around mention of Alhaitham's work.
"Oh no, it's okay," Nilou shakes her head. "Honestly, I'd be more surprised if Alhaitham did turn up. He's... he's deaf, isn't he?"
Nilou has tried to be friendly with the Scribe before. He has been spotted purchasing crates of wine (rumoured to be an apology gift for a certain special someone), and Nilou once called out to him to say hi, but he ignored her so she left him alone from then onwards.
Now, she realises that her voice was probably the same level as the background noise of the Grand Bazaar, making it more difficult to distinguish her voice as a human voice vying for his attention.
If telling a person's voice from background noise is difficult, forcing a deaf person to be at a show where music plays a huge part seemed even more cruel.
Kaveh scoffs. "I built upon our existing understanding of hearing accessibility when I was still a student in the Akademiya, created a whole new device for him that mind you, made sure to take his Akasha terminal into account, and modified it so that it would almost as well as existing tech that required cochlear implants, and what does he do? Nothing. That's right, he refuses to use it unless absolutely necessary."
She hesitates for a while, sandals drawing circles in the wooden floor. "I may be overstepping some boundaries, but... We can't ever understand his point of view."
As much experience as Kaveh has with dealing with Alhaitham, he can still hear. He is able to communicate with Alhaitham, but he will never truly be able to put himself in Alhaitham's shoes, where sound is nonexistent and a mockery of it exists through artificial means that require time, effort and concentration to decipher.
Kaveh quiets down. "You're right, I'm sorry. I just wish he'd try."
"Maybe he has already tried as much as he can," Nilou appeals.
He hums. "I guess," he says nonchalantly, and with that Nilou senses that the conversation is over.
Nilou knows that she is not academically gifted; she is slow on the uptake to many things, and is considered sheltered and naive by many. But she has a talent for knowing people's hearts; forged from her understanding of how dance touches people and tempered under the watchful gaze of her audience.
Kaveh wears his heart on his sleeve, carefully carves out little pieces for each and every person he meets, wraps them tenderly and gifts them to people without expectation. He loves and is loved in return because he able to reach people; it is his (and Nilou's) god-given gift.
Alhaitham, however, has only had one person he can give his heart to. Because as much as he understands everyone around him, they do not understand him. He has shattered his heart time and again trying to break the invisible barrier between him and everyone else, and he is now so beaten down to the point where he no longer wants to try.
If Alhaitham has already tried his hardest to understand art, then it is up to the performers to bridge the remaining gap for him.
"Mr. Kaveh, if it's not too much trouble, I need your help with something," Nilou says instead. She has an idea, but she needs him to execute it.
"Kaveh is fine," he replies, a smile returning to his face, though she cannot tell if the smile truly reaches his eyes.
Nilou is aware of how much Kaveh has sacrificed to teach sign language in the Grand Bazaar. For one, he can no longer accept projects that take him away from Sumeru City, because his physical presence is needed in the Grand Bazaar. Until Alhaitham's junior (and unofficial student) becomes fluent enough to take over Kaveh's teaching position, he will be stuck in Sumeru City.
It is no secret that Kshahrewar's funding is tanking, not even to outsiders like Nilou. If Kaveh, who is widely known to be one of the best Kshahrewar scholars of this period, is struggling with funds with how often the Scribe needs to foot his bills at the tavern and the cafe, she cannot imagine how the other Kshahrewar scholars are doing.
It seems the people of the Grand Bazaar are aware of this as well, as many people give gifts to Kaveh during his daily lessons and ask for nothing back. Shevirme, especially, indulges Kaveh with food and drinks imported from Mondstadt, which Kaveh graciously accepts.
Kaveh can usually hold his alcohol, but today he has had a bit too much. When Nilou takes a seat beside him on the side of the stage, she notes that his face and neck are flushed. "Nilou, may I ask a question? What do you think of the people of the Grand Bazaar?" Kaveh asks, lazily swirling his wine around in its bottle.
"They are family," she says simply.
"Just because you say so?"
"Yes," Nilou answers, tilting her head in curiosity. Her parents are her small family and the Grand Bazaar is her big family, they treat each other kindly and are treated kindly in return. There is nothing more she could ask of them. "Why do you ask?"
Kaveh barks out a laugh, a quick, ugly thing that betrays the state of his mind. "Is it so simple? To be something because you said so?"
"Is it not?"
"Nothing is ever so simple."
"Talk to me," Nilou urges, because something is telling her that if Kaveh keeps this inside for any longer, he will rip apart at the seams.
"I want to be his family. I want to be relied on, I want to be acknowledged, I want our partnership to be equal. Yet every bit of assistance I offer him, he throws back in my face. He gives so much for me and I can't do the same."
Even if Kaveh omits his name, the man Kaveh is talking about is so obviously Alhaitham. Only Alhaitham, a person so close to Kaveh they could debatably be two halves of the same whole, could have such a great effect on this prideful and stubborn man.
"You mean so much more to him that you think," Nilou points out.
"I hold no illusions. Haitham is a man guided solely by logic; he is a machine made of blood, flesh and bones. The day I stop being useful to him is the day he will cast me aside." Quietly, he draws his knees up to his chest. "I just wanted to make as many tender memories as I can before we're over."
The fact that Kaveh is convinced that it will end regardless chills Nilou to the bone. She believes in happy ever afters, even if she knows that things do not always work out in the end. She has seen the two together, and she wants to believe in them.
She shakes her head. "I don't think he'll cast you aside just because he didn't like something you said or did."
His chuckle is hollow. "I want to believe it."
There is nothing Nilou can say or do to help them even if she wanted to. And she wants to; it hurts to see Kaveh, her friend, in so much pain, convinced that he can never be loved as deeply as the love he gives out unconditionally. But Kaveh is also stubborn to a fault, his mind and tongue are much sharper than hers; any argument she makes will be shot down as soon as it is brought up.
Instead, she says, "Now, watch me. Take a deep breath, draw a large circle with both your hands..."
Finally, Nilou feels prepared enough to invite Alhaitham to the Grand Bazaar.
To be honest, she never truly feels prepared enough. There is always something to be improved, whether it be her expression, her footwork, or her understanding of the piece. But to hold off art in search of perfection means never performing again, so she swallows her insecurities and allows them to be a part of the dance as well.
Today, Alhaitham and Kaveh walk in together. Their shoulders touch frequently as they walk, an interaction that betrays how intimate they are. Most people keep a measure away from others, even close friends. Sometimes, Nilou finds herself envious of how comfortable they are in their own presence, and she privately wonders when she will find such a person for herself.
"Kaveh said you wanted to show me something?" Alhaitham queries.
"A dance. But before that..." Nilou stretches out a hand. "I'd like for you to take off your hearing aids, please."
Alhaitham hesitates for good reason. The hearing aids are a crutch for him to function in an unforgiving society that does not cater to his needs, and taking them off would be intentionally crippling himself. But when Kaveh places a hand on his forearm and nods slightly, Alhaitham sighs and reaches up to take them off without complaint.
He trusts Kaveh so much, and it cuts Nilou to see Kaveh doubt Alhaitham's affections when they are so painfully obvious.
Drawing in a deep breath, Nilou makes her way to the stage as Kaveh guides Alhaitham to take a seat among the audience. Most of the regulars in the Grand Bazaar are aware of Nilou's intentions and quiet down when she takes the stage, though Alhaitham, who cannot hear, would not notice this change in atmosphere.
All eyes are on her now.
Sumerian dance has a lot of intricacies that require a full study of understanding, let alone execution. There is a certain way to hold yourself, to pose, to step and to twirl. Most importantly, the dancer's hands are considered an extension of their expression, where a generous amount of energy flows and extends out through their fingertips.
The challenge was not just in incorporating sign language into her dance, but in making sure that expression was not lost. Kaveh taught her the signs she wanted to learn, and that took her less than half a day. But to work the signs into dance was a different matter.
She starts with her usual footwork, eyes locked onto Alhaitham, and does a twirl. Above her head, she signs what the music would have conveyed, an ode of melancholy and slight longing.
In the corner of her eye, she sees Alhaitham's back straighten.
The dance continues. Even though there is no music, Nilou loses herself to the dance. The rhythm, her movements, they are not lacking. She is simply experiencing the world as Alhaitham does, and it is no less beautiful in his eyes than in hers. She dances and dances, and even though she does not look at her audience, she feels their eyes on her, watching her every movement intently, perhaps even more so now that there is no music to distract them. But she does not mind; after all, this is no less a performance just because it is different.
When Nilou takes her last bow and raises her head slightly to catch a glimpse of the audience, she sees Alhaitham glued to her, jaw slightly open and eyes fixed intently on her form. Belatedly, she realises that he is trembling minutely, an action so small that she is surprised she noticed.
But she also sees Kaveh; with his hand rested over Alhaitham's, body leaning into his space and a slight smile on his face. His gaze is tender, and even though Nilou is only on stage and they are in the audience, she feels as if they are worlds apart.
Nilou smiles and bows again before she exits the stage. Whatever is going on between them, she believes with her whole heart that they will be alright.